I still need your help :)
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by ttt on Sunday, April 7, 2013 and has 8 replies.
Following a previous thread that no one reads anymore and I still need your help
)
Short introduction - after being not very consistent with this cancer guy, I found myself feeling different about him and decided to let it out. He got distant and everybody would be - he is probably hurt or unsure about you.Well, I am confused.
I didn??t plan it, but last time we were together, he brought something like ???we need to learn how to understand each other??, so I thought it??s a good moment to talk. He responded immediately, not trying to avoid any subject what so ever. He was even encouraging me to go through all details and name things, just to tell me he is definitely not into a relationship. He said he didn??t know I like him that much and he gave so many reasons for us not being more than what we are, that there is barely something left to hold on. After a detailed explanation how marvelous, amazing, important to him etc I am, there is always but:
- I don??t want to hurt you. I want and will be your friend forever and don't want to go to a point where you will hate me and I am going to loose you (to start with, because it??s not the first time he says it and it sounds a bit like a lame excuse to me)
-I don??t have place for love in my life and it??s been like that for years.
-I have so many things, problems I need to deal with ??_.
-I can??t start a relationship I doubt (he didn??t explain he doubts me or himself)
-You are too good with me and I don??t deserve it. (when I tried to argue, he said he doesn??t mean he is not worth it??_ makes it no better. To me this says ??? you are over doing things)
-I asked him if he is emotionally unavailable, to which he goes immediately ???yes??; I asked him if he is in love with someone else, he goes ???no?? and that he sees nobody else, which was not the point at all. However true or false, what I understood is his emotional unavailability means something else.
-He doesn??t want to make me wait or loose my time and I need to stay open for other people- ???in fact ,I want you to see other men and it??s not easy saying it??. Almost immediately he realized thou this is just mean and he apologized
-I asked if this is his final thought on that matter and he said that nobody can be so sure and didn??t confirm, but..
At the end he said, ???we will figure it out??.
)Short introduction
- after being not very consistent with this cancer guy, I found myself feeling different about him and decided to let it out. He got distant and everybody would be - he is probably hurt or unsure about you.Well, I am confused.I didn??t plan it, but last time we were together, he brought something like ???we need to learn how to understand each other??, so I thought it??s a good moment to talk. He responded immediately, not trying to avoid any subject what so ever. He was even encouraging me to go through all details and name things, just to tell me he is definitely not into a relationship. He said he didn??t know I like him that much and he gave so many reasons for us not being more than what we are, that there is barely something left to hold on. After a detailed explanation how marvelous, amazing, important to him etc I am, there is always but:
- I don??t want to hurt you. I want and will be your friend forever and don't want to go to a point where you will hate me and I am going to loose you (to start with, because it??s not the first time he says it and it sounds a bit like a lame excuse to me)
-I don??t have place for love in my life and it??s been like that for years.
-I have so many things, problems I need to deal with ??_.
-I can??t start a relationship I doubt (he didn??t explain he doubts me or himself)
-You are too good with me and I don??t deserve it. (when I tried to argue, he said he doesn??t mean he is not worth it??_ makes it no better. To me this says ??? you are over doing things)
-I asked him if he is emotionally unavailable, to which he goes immediately ???yes??; I asked him if he is in love with someone else, he goes ???no?? and that he sees nobody else, which was not the point at all. However true or false, what I understood is his emotional unavailability means something else.
-He doesn??t want to make me wait or loose my time and I need to stay open for other people- ???in fact ,I want you to see other men and it??s not easy saying it??. Almost immediately he realized thou this is just mean and he apologized
-I asked if this is his final thought on that matter and he said that nobody can be so sure and didn??t confirm, but..
At the end he said, ???we will figure it out??.
So I wonder, did I come too strong on him? Did I scare him away? What is it actually on his mind? Even if I would love to move things forward, I can be perfectly ok the way we are and I would never get too dramatic, but I just don??t know what to think??_Any thoughts are welcome )
)ops i forgot because since then he is nothing but extremely pleasant to me, still responding if I text him or call him, but for first time not available to see me. I decided I will give him even more space, not initiating anything even when happens to see him.
because since then he is nothing but extremely pleasant to me, still responding if I text him or call him, but for first time not available to see me. I decided I will give him even more space, not initiating anything even when happens to see him.ok i am rumbling here, but you guys are giving me a "cancer attitude" lol i guess, all i want to say is that i really need some opinions here, because i keep on making mistake after mistake heh
i guess, all i want to say is that i really need some opinions here, because i keep on making mistake after mistake heh
If you get this behavior from a Cancer guy, it's a very bad sign that he's just not that into you. When a cancer loves you, it takes some serious effort to get rid of them. I'm sorry to say but regardless of sign, when a man tells you he's not ready, you're too good for him, he's not ready for a rela, it means he's not really into you and is letting you down gently. A man in love wouldn't risk losing a woman by saying those things. And when he goes this far to say "don't get hooked" it means he's not in it to win it. I'm really sorry but he's not in love and you can't change that. The only control you have is how long you're going to let yourself swim up that river De-nial and hope against hope that he will change his mind one day. No matter how you feel now, you will love again and you deserve a relationship with a man who will love and be committed to you. And you wont get that kind of relationship unless you walk away from half or one quarter or one tenth of the banana that you're now trying to live on. A meager and unhappy life.
I guess that makes sense. My confusion was coming form tons of other things he does or say that contradicts these statements and also , or mostly, of course from suddenly loosing control over things Thanks a lot Este8!
Thanks a lot Este8!I hear you & I've been taken for an emo. ride by men who send mixed messages. In my experience, it's those guys you really gotta watch out for. They're either players or just plain confused. And confused men are worse than players cuz you can see a player's game a mile away.
Well then he is the worse version lol. I don't think he ever played with me, we were very open to each other and we never gave any promises. I was very uncertain and going forth and back, not that he ever said anything about it, and now i need to taste my own medicine
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