New Gem, need some insights
This topic was created in the Gemini forum by AnnaPhototaker on Thursday, May 2, 2013 and has 10 replies.
We've been talking and things are going pretty good so far.
Today he was very straight forward about what he wants and he's not looking for an exclusive relationship. Because there's a girl at work he wants to fuck. But he also want to be with me, but in an open relationship.
I told him no, that I'm not looking for the same thing. That knowing he would fuck a girl he works with once in a while while dating me would be a major turn off.
He got very mad at me and want me to just accept things the way he want them to be. So, I explained that, while I think he's a great guy, I really don't want what he want and that he's going to lose me if he fuck that girl at work and told him that I would take step backs from the flirting and dating talk we do because, I don't want him to feel like I'm blocking him from living the life he wants.
He got mad again, and tried to sweet talk me into dating him anyway, and then got frustrated saying he really didn't wanna lose me and what we have. Told me he needed his freedom.
So it turned into him being upset because he say he likes me, and wanna date me and really don't wanna lose me but doesn't wanna just have me and want to be FWB with the coworker.
When I told him I was hoping he had more respect for me, he accused me of being in love with him (which I'm not) and told me my emotional reaction said otherwise. Emotional reaction being me saying that I was hurt by him not respecting that I want to take steps away from him but hoped to stay friends.
I have no idea what to think about his possessiveness.
He said that he didn't like it because it's not who he is but he is with me and can't explain why..
We do like a lot of the same things, and I know it's something he really like about me. Same with sex. I know all his freaky fetishes, I'm the only one who knows them and are willing to share them with him.
I also get him and he likes that about me. He's awkward in social situation and he's not with me.
He also act like there's something between us when there's not.
Any ideas?
Thanks Gems
Today he was very straight forward about what he wants and he's not looking for an exclusive relationship. Because there's a girl at work he wants to fuck. But he also want to be with me, but in an open relationship.
I told him no, that I'm not looking for the same thing. That knowing he would fuck a girl he works with once in a while while dating me would be a major turn off.
He got very mad at me and want me to just accept things the way he want them to be. So, I explained that, while I think he's a great guy, I really don't want what he want and that he's going to lose me if he fuck that girl at work and told him that I would take step backs from the flirting and dating talk we do because, I don't want him to feel like I'm blocking him from living the life he wants.
He got mad again, and tried to sweet talk me into dating him anyway, and then got frustrated saying he really didn't wanna lose me and what we have. Told me he needed his freedom.
So it turned into him being upset because he say he likes me, and wanna date me and really don't wanna lose me but doesn't wanna just have me and want to be FWB with the coworker.
When I told him I was hoping he had more respect for me, he accused me of being in love with him (which I'm not) and told me my emotional reaction said otherwise. Emotional reaction being me saying that I was hurt by him not respecting that I want to take steps away from him but hoped to stay friends.
I have no idea what to think about his possessiveness.
He said that he didn't like it because it's not who he is but he is with me and can't explain why..
We do like a lot of the same things, and I know it's something he really like about me. Same with sex. I know all his freaky fetishes, I'm the only one who knows them and are willing to share them with him.
I also get him and he likes that about me. He's awkward in social situation and he's not with me.
He also act like there's something between us when there's not.
Any ideas?
Thanks Gems
WTF why are you entertaing this guy...If he doesnt want to be with just you, and you both have different ideas of what you want in a relationship why waste your time..I would say have fun fucking your co-worker and get the hell away from this situation..If you dont leave him, I expect to see another thread from you saying how heartbroken you are...You deserve so much better..
***entertaining, (was typing to fast)
**Face Palm!!
*
*
You did exactly the right thing...now keep on doing it! Don't let him coerce you and make you feel like you are not evolved if you don't let him screw other people.
A characteristic of some Gems is that what should remain in our thoughts spills out of our mouths, instead. He should be working out all his frustration privately instead of laying his entire thought process on you. It's not your concern. You told him what you want, and the ball is in his court now.
A characteristic of some Gems is that what should remain in our thoughts spills out of our mouths, instead. He should be working out all his frustration privately instead of laying his entire thought process on you. It's not your concern. You told him what you want, and the ball is in his court now.
Something weird happened tonight. Again, I'd love to hear your opinion about it.
For the past days he's been possessive and aggressive towards me. Being upset that I push him away. And I told him clearly why I did it.
Because the other girl is a major turn off for me and I don't wanna talk to him as much.
Well, now he's doing grandiose things to get my attention.
Being very needy, always texting me even if I don't reply. He even offered to do a webcam show for me.
As I know all his fetishes, and knowing he's an exhibitionist, he offered to masturbate on Skype so that I can tell him what to do, all the freaky things he's into.
I told him I would, but only if he understood that the other girl has to go or else, I don't wanna be that kinda friend anymore.
He agreed.
So we did that sex Skype thing (btw, Geminis are real freaks in bed, I can confirm it. And not vanilla freaks. No no, real!)
After, we stayed on Skype. Chatted, had a lot of fun.
Next thing I know, he's typing like crazy on his laptop and I mention something about it.
He makes a face like "hmm guilty!" And I said, are you talking to Margaret? And he said yes.
I said, ok well I have to go, and closed the lid of my laptop. He texted me upset and I didn't reply.
Anyways, did he do the sex Skype thing to reel me back? Like a desperate attempt to win me back?
Is this a Gem thing? Like wanting my attention so bad he decided to do something out of the ordinary?
For the past days he's been possessive and aggressive towards me. Being upset that I push him away. And I told him clearly why I did it.
Because the other girl is a major turn off for me and I don't wanna talk to him as much.
Well, now he's doing grandiose things to get my attention.
Being very needy, always texting me even if I don't reply. He even offered to do a webcam show for me.
As I know all his fetishes, and knowing he's an exhibitionist, he offered to masturbate on Skype so that I can tell him what to do, all the freaky things he's into.
I told him I would, but only if he understood that the other girl has to go or else, I don't wanna be that kinda friend anymore.
He agreed.
So we did that sex Skype thing (btw, Geminis are real freaks in bed, I can confirm it. And not vanilla freaks. No no, real!)
After, we stayed on Skype. Chatted, had a lot of fun.
Next thing I know, he's typing like crazy on his laptop and I mention something about it.
He makes a face like "hmm guilty!" And I said, are you talking to Margaret? And he said yes.
I said, ok well I have to go, and closed the lid of my laptop. He texted me upset and I didn't reply.
Anyways, did he do the sex Skype thing to reel me back? Like a desperate attempt to win me back?
Is this a Gem thing? Like wanting my attention so bad he decided to do something out of the ordinary?
Posted by Whimsy
A characteristic of some Gems is that what should remain in our thoughts spills out of our mouths, instead.
HAHA.that was right on.
Anna, Anna, Anna...Aaaargh!
He was upset that you didn't want to continue with him the way things were, so he manipulated you back into exactly the same situation! You put your foot down with him, but you didn't LEAVE it down. So, he's back to the status quo of having sex with you (yes, getting a guy off on Skype is a sexual act) while still hanging out with the other girl, too. Nothing has changed. Not a thing!
It will only change when you stick to your guns and think enough of yourself to make him earn the right to be your man.
He was upset that you didn't want to continue with him the way things were, so he manipulated you back into exactly the same situation! You put your foot down with him, but you didn't LEAVE it down. So, he's back to the status quo of having sex with you (yes, getting a guy off on Skype is a sexual act) while still hanging out with the other girl, too. Nothing has changed. Not a thing!
It will only change when you stick to your guns and think enough of yourself to make him earn the right to be your man.
We got in a fight tonight.. Because I logged on gmail, he was online. And I asked him if he was online there to talk to her and he said yes. (I know his habits, he never used gmail chat until he met her because it's what she uses)
And I said ok, and logged out. Didn't wanna talk to him.
So he texted me and talked about something he was doing, and I told him I didn't wanna be close with him anymore. He snapped at me.
Told him what I said the first time but, clearer.
He asked me to knock it off.
So I wrote to him that, I've always been a good friend to him, that I really like him as a person and I always loved how we get along and love the same thing, and that I always accepted him for who he is. Never judged him like his exes since we're into the same weird sex things. And that I thought we had something special but that I don't wanna be part of whatever we have anymore and that if he lose me it won't be because I didn't try. Said: "I never asked anything in what we have until now, and I always hoped you respect me enough to do that one thing for me and us. In order to keep what we have" Told him: Genuinely, good luck with her. I want you to be happy.
He replied with: "I don't wanna be exclusive with you. Flat out, I refuse." (Because he always felt trapped when he was in previous relationships)
And then said: but ya ooook let's keep doing this back and forth shit.
Didn't replied.
NOW IM PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN!
And I said ok, and logged out. Didn't wanna talk to him.
So he texted me and talked about something he was doing, and I told him I didn't wanna be close with him anymore. He snapped at me.
Told him what I said the first time but, clearer.
He asked me to knock it off.
So I wrote to him that, I've always been a good friend to him, that I really like him as a person and I always loved how we get along and love the same thing, and that I always accepted him for who he is. Never judged him like his exes since we're into the same weird sex things. And that I thought we had something special but that I don't wanna be part of whatever we have anymore and that if he lose me it won't be because I didn't try. Said: "I never asked anything in what we have until now, and I always hoped you respect me enough to do that one thing for me and us. In order to keep what we have" Told him: Genuinely, good luck with her. I want you to be happy.
He replied with: "I don't wanna be exclusive with you. Flat out, I refuse." (Because he always felt trapped when he was in previous relationships)
And then said: but ya ooook let's keep doing this back and forth shit.
Didn't replied.
NOW IM PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN!
Yay! Eye on the prize, girl! If an exclusive relationship is what you want, then find someone who also wants one.
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