Hello....

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by MrFirebird on Tuesday, September 20, 2011 and has 73 replies.
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New here, first post
I have a question:
What are the odds of a man, born Nov. 18 1969
who is part Native American who's first car ride
before and after he was born was a Gold and Black
'67 Pontiac Firebird?

Posted by QuietSt0rm
lmao! ^



Well, don't laugh...., on the way to the hospital, I rode in a blue '68 Pontiac Tempest.
A tempest is a "storm", you know.....
On the way home, it was in the Firebird.


Posted by TastesOfChaos
I have no idea how to answer your question, but welcome!


That's ok. Thanks for the welcome.
Perhaps I should have written it a bit more precisely...
Here goes:
What are the odds of a "Scorpion" coming into this world in a Firebird.... err... "PHOENIX".
To add a bit more to it, I was born the year man lands on the moon ala "The Eagle has landed"
The Eagle is symbolizes "freedom", right?
I share the same birthday with Alan Shepard, the First American in Space.
and... when I was born, in Maine, the Apollo 12 mission was underway.
When the rocket had launched there were 2 lighting strikes to hit the spacecraft as it lifted off the
pad. (it may have been ground arcings but nevertheless)
The mission was called "Yankee Clipper", the lunar module landed in the lunar region called "Ocean of Storms".
I used to drive big rigs cross country.
One day after I had grown, I would be assigned to my own rig that would bare
an eagle motif on each side of the truck.... I would pull "CLIPPER" trailers.


The term "Yankee" originally referred to "Colonialists and/or the New Englanders"
Pontiac "TEMPEST" ------> Ocean of "STORMS"

Apollo 14: (Commanded by Alan Shepard) the lunar module on this mission, was called "ANTARES" and
they used the "Heart of Scorpius" for navigational referance when descending on the moon.

Just some strange coincidences, or signs?? that I have been noticing.
Adding it up it's.... well... I don't know... what do you call that kind of thing???




I also have what they call "Hawk Medicine" Red Tailed to be more specific.
You can read about it here: http://morningstar.netfirms.com/hawktotem.html

I hope someone can understand me.
Posted by elihope69
welcome fellow scorpion! i found your HAWK medicine to be totally awesome. I seen a red tailed hawk today. They simply amaze me. always have. Im from a small indian town in Florida.


It's very strange, it's like I see things before they happen... very strong intuition, perhaps?
6 months before 9/11, I said "we are at war and it's not conventional"
I boldly proclaimed that my 2nd daughter "was pregnant!" about a week before my first grand-baby was born.
I was conceived in Pensacola (dad was in the navy)
Eagles, Hawks and Wolves.
Not sure what that's all about.

Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by elihope69
welcome fellow scorpion! i found your HAWK medicine to be totally awesome. I seen a red tailed hawk today. They simply amaze me. always have. Im from a small indian town in Florida.


It's very strange, it's like I see things before they happen... very strong intuition, perhaps?
6 months before 9/11, I said "we are at war and it's not conventional"
I boldly proclaimed that my 2nd daughter "was pregnant!" about a week before my first grand-baby was born.
I was conceived in Pensacola (dad was in the navy)
Eagles, Hawks and Wolves.
Not sure what that's all about.


click to expand


Thank you for the welcome elihope69 smile
Welcome to the forum and hello everyone.
Posted by ellessque
let's see your whole chart and than we can tell you why you see things smile


OK below the dotted line is the best I came up with.
.......................................................................................................................

The report was generated with the following birth data: Male, born on 18 November 1969 at 2:30 am in Ellsworth, Maine.
Your sun sign is Scorpio. This is the sign in which the Sun is in your birth chart. Your Ascendant is in Libra, and your Moon is in Pisces.



Sun in Scorpio, Moon in Pisces
This astrological combination yields a somewhat inconstant and restless nature. Because of its passive and susceptible aspects there are indications of frustrated ambition and ungratified desire. However, under benign conditions, you are affectionate and sympathetic. You are not very strong-willed, which proves unfortunate, because your internal feelings are deep and ever-active. Much of your potential is never realized, and there is more promise than fulfillment. In love you are yielding and sympathetic. A strong partner would balance the fluidity and indecisiveness of your character. The key to a more harmonious self lies in exerting the self-control of your individuality, under the influence of the Sun sign, Scorpio. You will find comfort and respite in mysticism, often in religion.

Ascendant in Libra, Venus in the Second House
At the time of your birth the zodiacal sign of Libra was ascending in the horizon. Its ruler Venus is located in the second house.
This denotes a life in which the native adopts an attitude which is courteous, kind, and affectionate.
People with Libra Ascendant are basically motivated by feeling and emotion rather than intellectuality. Your life will demonstrate your keenness of observation, and a tendency to effect comparisons largely of an aesthetic nature. You will not display too much energy in your actions and, therefore, there is a tendency toward following routine and the lines of the least resistance. You are a sympathetic person who seeks the approval of others and is also very adaptable. Your intuition is remarkable and you derive sensual gratification from engaging in social intercourse, by loving all social aspects of life.
If you do not control this tendency to be so involved in human relationships, you may become too attached and over
If you do not control this tendency to be so involved in human relationships, you may become too attached and over dependent.
Some restlessness, changeability and lack of persistence is noted in your life. Your main feature is that of constantly favoring the fusing of two things or people together.
Unfortunately, this involvement with harmonizing and adjusting people to one another, tends to make the native a little unrealistic and lacking in action. You will be, however, easy going and congenial, socially oriented and preoccupied with adornments, clothing, social conventions, standards, and aesthetics. In love, if you cause the relationship to be a serious one, you will find that the affair is the consequence of your own interest in flattering yourself rather than to satisfy any profound emotion.
Professionally, you will be inclined to activities which require a high degree of culture and even artistic knowledge.
The fact that your ruler is positioned in this house is an indication of how important earning a living will be in your life. Because the ruler is Venus, we do not anticipate too much hard work but rather an easy going life where, though you will be responsible for earning your own money, it nevertheless will be gained with ease.
You have a marked tendency to deal with things that are either gratifying from a hedonistic view or pleasing to the senses. Much gain will be forthcoming through social communication and the general public, and some profitable dealings from friends and influential persons.
Uranus Conjunct Ascendant
You have a personal chemistry that never fails to stimulate people to be friendly toward you. No one should feel any discomfort with you because you project yourself freely and honestly.
You relate easily to all types of people and are friendly to everyone, regardless of their social status.
Concerned primarily with the future, you are eager to participate in the development of a higher consciousness, which will be the nucleus for the greater awareness of man.

Sun in the Second House
The Sun was found in the second house at the time of your birth. This position makes financial matters - and the act of physical conquest and possession - the central motivation of your existence.
It is virtually a necessity that you address yourself to gaining material security. The obligations of giving still exist for you as a real difficulty which you must learn to deal with.
You should enjoy your own wealth and also instruct yourself in the art of giving. You wish to be respected in financial matters and like to be regarded as a person who is self-sufficient.
There exists a great amount of faith in your abilities; you believe that no matter what happens, you will always endure financially. These influences of the Sun grant strong possibilities for success in life.
Your weaknesses in money include a tendency to be very demonstrative, a desire for money because of the power it wields. As you reach mature age, the doors of opportunity will open for you through persons highly placed in government. Don't miss the chance.

Venus in the Second House
Venus is found in the second house at the time of your birth. Intrinsically, this is an ideal astrological position as it promises easy means of livelihood. Money will stream in regularly and readily without excessive effort or preoccupation.
Moon in the Sixth House
The Moon was found in your sixth house at the time of birth. Among other things, this indicates that throughout life your work duties will be varied, multiple, and require contact with many people. Healthwise, this may denote a propensity to suffer through excessive changes and motivations.
Psychologically, this position inclines you to act through subordinate roles rather than those of leadership.
A final psychological trait is a secret desire to become known professionally.

Saturn in the Eighth House
Saturn was found in the eighth house at the time of birth. Because of the restraining influence of this planet, matters concerning legacies, inheritance, and the financial dealings of your partner or associates could be severely limited and may be frustrated by what seems to be harsh fate.
Psychologically you are rather serious in connection with sexual affairs. You approach sex with caution, rationality and planning. Excess reason and thought in this direction may create some frustration in sexual matters.
Note: Saturn is technically near the end of house 7 and is therefore interpreted in house 8.
born on 18 November 1969 local time 2:30 am
in Ellsworth, ME (US) U.T. 07:30
68w25, 44n33 sid. time 06:45:01

Planetary positions planet sign degree motion
Sun Scorpio 25??47'36 in house 2 direct
Moon Pisces 17??00'03 in house 6 direct
Mercury Scorpio 26??56'31 in house 2 direct
Venus Scorpio 9??32'25 in house 2 direct
Mars Aquarius 9??48'24 in house 4 direct
Jupiter Libra 24??45'34 in house 1 direct
Saturn Taurus 3??53'45 end of house 7 retrograde
Uranus Libra 7??23'17 end of house 12 direct
Neptune Scorpio 28??20'25 in house 2 direct
Pluto Virgo 26??54'10 in house 12 direct
True Node Pisces 18??49'36 in house 6 direct
Planets at the end of a house are interpreted in the next house.
House positions (Placidus) Ascendant Libra 8??35'33
2nd House Scorpio 4??42'13
3rd House Sagittarius 5??39'20
Imum Coeli Capricorn 10??20'42
5th House Aquarius 14??26'19
6th House Pisces 14??07'33
Descendant Aries 8??35'33
8th House Taurus 4??42'13
9th House Gemini 5??39'20
Medium Coeli Cancer 10??20'42
11th House Leo 14??26'19
12th House Virgo 14??07'33
Major aspects Sun Conjunction Mercury 1??09
Sun Conjunction Neptune 2??33
Sun Sextile Pluto 1??07
Moon Trine Venus 7??28
Mercury Conjunction Neptune 1??24
Mercury Sextile Pluto 0??02
Venus Square Mars 0??16
Venus Opposition Saturn 5??39
Mars Square Saturn 5??55
Mars Trine Uranus 2??25
Mars Trine Ascendant 1??13
Uranus Conjunction Ascendant 1??12
Neptune Sextile Pluto 1??26
Numbers indicate orb (deviation from the exact aspect angle).

That is from Astro. com
< width="420" height="315" ="http:

Greetings. I also am hawk totem, though mine is the American Kestrel.
Posted by ellessque
my birthday is november 18. *waves at the OP*



Ok.... I guess I am supposed to be waving at the OP too....., ummm.... who's the OP?
Posted by Skykomish
< width="420" height="315" ="http:

Greetings. I also am hawk totem, though mine is the American Kestrel.




hmm interesting....
My hawk medicine came to me in a dream. A native shaman gave me a drink, I drank. I then asked what it
was, he said "Medicine of the Hawk" and when I woke, I found that link.
two days before my grandson was born, I saw this video on youtube. (see below)
When I was told my grandson was born.... I remembered this elder to be the man in my dream some 4 years earlier.
Watch for the hawk immediately after he says "Konkachila, Grandfather"


OP = original poster aka you.
Mine also came to me in a dream. TBH I don't remember the dream right at this time. I believe it may have been shown to me by the same spirit guide (an indian/native american man) who told me my name- Skykomish. (Which isn't my given name if that wasn't obvious). I equate that guide with the Hunter but I have never actually been told or shown who he is.
No, I have no native american/indian in me at all. I'm gypsy, german, and lapplander.
Posted by QuietSt0rm
Posted by MrFirebird

I boldly proclaimed that my 2nd daughter "was pregnant!" about a week before my first grand-baby was born.




I don't think it would take a psychic to tell that a woman is pregnant a week before she gives birth. LOL usually the bulging belly is a dead-giveaway.

click to expand


I know it sounds bizarre but....... consider this:
My daughter lived 2100 miles away from me. I hadn't heard from her. Not even some time after the child was born.
She and everyone in the family hid this fact from me.
I am NOT making this up!
I am NOT trying to sound like some sort of bad ass either.
Just calmly stating the facts.
People didn't believe me when I said "we are at war..." 6 months prior to that terrible day.
as you can imagine, I got laughed at etc. and to put any goofy pro/anti-conspiracy theories
or wrong ideas to rest I am NOT some member of any clandestine anti-us group or govmnt.
agency possessing inside knowledge.
It was extremely bizarre when the events of that tragic day took place.
I am just simple john q. public trying to get along in life like everyone else.


I have had many occasions of seeing the future before it happened. I can think of my mom and she will call me. Same with my priestess. I can answer the phone before it rings and say hello (whoever) and be right. I've spoken to the deceased. Been told things I didn't know, only to have the living shocked that I knew that fact that was only between them. I could read my dad's mind, say the things he was thinking before he'd ever said them aloud to anyone.
As I get older I get less able to do this, but when I was younger it was really uncanny. I can still do the phone thing and occasionally read minds but not so much the seeing the future or speaking to the dead.
People wonder why I believe what I do, being pagan/shamanistic type belief system. It is the only system that explains what I have experienced.
Posted by Skykomish
OP = original poster aka you.
Mine also came to me in a dream. TBH I don't remember the dream right at this time. I believe it may have been shown to me by the same spirit guide (an indian/native american man) who told me my name- Skykomish. (Which isn't my given name if that wasn't obvious). I equate that guide with the Hunter but I have never actually been told or shown who he is.
No, I have no native american/indian in me at all. I'm gypsy, german, and lapplander.


regarding OP... oh... ok... heh heh...
I also have Eagle in my life which is connected to Grandfather, the Creator of all things.
As for the "shaman" in the dream... he WASN't the man in the video... only he looked very, very similar to him.
I can see strong resemblance to my own Great-Grand-father with the man in the video.
IF I am not mistaken, the man in the video's name is Red Crow. A member of the Hopi Nation.
It's really not about the man but about the message that was given to me.
As near as I can tell, it is simply an explanation for the strong "intuition" for the lack of better terms.
Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by Skykomish
OP = original poster aka you.
Mine also came to me in a dream. TBH I don't remember the dream right at this time. I believe it may have been shown to me by the same spirit guide (an indian/native american man) who told me my name- Skykomish. (Which isn't my given name if that wasn't obvious). I equate that guide with the Hunter but I have never actually been told or shown who he is.
No, I have no native american/indian in me at all. I'm gypsy, german, and lapplander.


regarding OP... oh... ok... heh heh...
I also have Eagle in my life which is connected to Grandfather, the Creator of all things.
As for the "shaman" in the dream... he WASN't the man in the video... only he looked very, very similar to him.
I can see strong resemblance to my own Great-Grand-father with the man in the video.
IF I am not mistaken, the man in the video's name is Red Crow. A member of the Hopi Nation.
It's really not about the man but about the message that was given to me.
As near as I can tell, it is simply an explanation for the strong "intuition" for the lack of better terms.

click to expand


I might add that for me, these "intuitions" gut feelings, visions, dreams... don't come to me as
the result of rituals of any kind. They occur naturally and I have no power to call them at will.
(just wanted to be clear on that)
Also, with regard to those coincidences mentioned at the beginning, I also have an intriguing set
of circumstances which almost bares the description of "destiny" or "fate" as it relates to the
woman I love. one and all can read about that at the link below.

http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/sagittarius/Saggitarius-Woman-Scorpio-Man-Question-2818261.asp
^+2
Posted by Pb
Welcome to Dxp smile


Thank you smile
I am probably already in trouble. Winking
Posted by ArticleL
^+2


Thank you, too.
smile
You have a pisces moon, people born with this moon have very stron intuition I have heard from this site plus I am dating someone with that moon and I think it has some truth to it.
Yeah mine are not as a result of a ritual either. It just happens. Randomly, I'll be doing whatever I do in life "ladada" and it will hit me, completely take me out of this world for a few moments. I can ignore it (if I'm driving) but usually I pay attention. Its saved lives.
I don't know who the Native American man was in my dreams. Certainly wasn't Red Crow, unless it was when he was MUCH younger. This man was 30ish?
Love the car, man!
Welcome
I might add that for me, these "intuitions" gut feelings, visions, dreams... don't come to me as
the result of rituals of any kind. They occur naturally and I have no power to call them at will.
(just wanted to be clear on that)
I didn't realize I missed have your quote OP ^^^^ in what I was referring to lol
Posted by ellessque
ROFLMAO @ pisces moon Tongue
i swear on the caramel apple gods that i was going to write that before he posted.....or gem moon because he talks an awful lot Big Grin



Very astute observer you are, Ellesque.
However, I DO spend most of my time in silence.
once I flesh out whatever I need to get off my chest,
I return to my silent world. I spend most of my time in thought.
It appears I have moved a young Sagittarian in some way
by exposing my mere existance with a simple question on the
Sagittarius forum. Apparently it moved someone's fragile soul to start
a new post over there.
What I find fascinating about the Horseygirl is how she can
take something you said, and completely get the wrong idea or meaning
and go on a Don Quixote Crusade.
That kind of misunderstanding really happens a lot to me.
Speaking of archers..... my first name has the distinction of a tribe known for
gallant soldiers and Archers. My last name's family crest (Heraldry) includes Arrows.


Posted by OceanDeep
click to expand
Posted by hiplove79
Well, MrFirebird you definitely have had some interesting experiences. Welcome. Big Grin


Thank you for the welcome, Hiplove. smile
Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by ArticleL
^+2


Thank you, too.
smile
click to expand


Np and nice fucking car my middle name is racing is it yours?
(Quoted the wrong message before -.-)
Posted by ArticleL
Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by ArticleL
^+2


Thank you, too.
smile


Np and nice fucking car my middle name is racing is it yours?
(Quoted the wrong message before -.-)
click to expand



The answer to your question concerning middle names, mine means
"one who takes the place or moves into the position of another" and my colors are
BLACK & GOLD..... #3, #13 and #22
And....
BLACK & RED...... #3
"The Intimidator" with "The Best Damned Garage In Town".

Does that help?
Posted by beccy
OH REALLY?
fragile soul?
who is the one with the fragile soul my dear?
YOU really think you are the reason for DMV's thread? sorry. It could've been everyone.
and its not a fucking misunderstanding.
look at yourself. you got no balls. you do not respond. because you are scared.
scared of the truth. so you run away. just like always.
don't try to tell me bullshit. I fucking know the truth.



Heh, heh..., I move you.
You see, you have a fascination with me already.
How so? You latched onto me REAL fast!
You started attacking me thinking that I was watching and not responding
to other's responses to me, when in fact......, I was asleep.
You certainly read into things. You think you know me.
But I think you have me confused with someone else.
Per chance is your Daddy a Scorpio?

Wow damn! Whats with the venom?
Posted by beccy
no daddy complex here, my dear Winking
I don't confuse anything in here.
I know what I'm talking about.



Beccy,
You are most charming.
However, It's NOT about whether YOU know what you are talking about, but whether OTHERS, who
DIFFER from you, know what you're talking about.
You don't have to feel like you need to prove anything. IF you feel you need to do so, then
it is because you feel insecure on the deeper levels. Levels which you stay away from by means
of resorting to an aggressive confrontational approach to communication in order to "stay on top".
Respect is important to you, but understand, mutual respect is a far greater consolation between
peoples and only exists when it goes both ways.

That said, let me assure you that I am NOT playing headgames or mind games with anyone.
I am just being myself. Now... is it a crime for me to be free to just be myself?
Isn't "freedom" a prized possession for which Sagittarians are fond of?
If so, then respect my freedom to express myself the best way I know how, whether it
exceeds or falls short of your expectations and please, don't assume I fit a certain mould
because you see labels "Scorpio" or "Moon in Pisces" attached and yet not know who I really am.
Let's not forget there ARE limitations to communications in writing.
That really goes for ALL of us, if we're truly honest with ourselves.
I'd >>rather
Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by ellessque
ROFLMAO @ pisces moon Tongue
i swear on the caramel apple gods that i was going to write that before he posted.....or gem moon because he talks an awful lot Big Grin




It appears I have moved a young Sagittarian in some way
by exposing my mere existance with a simple question on the
Sagittarius forum. Apparently it moved someone's fragile soul to start
a new post over there.




click to expand


? i really dont know how to take this...
Posted by DMV
Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by ellessque
ROFLMAO @ pisces moon Tongue
i swear on the caramel apple gods that i was going to write that before he posted.....or gem moon because he talks an awful lot Big Grin




It appears I have moved a young Sagittarian in some way
by exposing my mere existance with a simple question on the
Sagittarius forum. Apparently it moved someone's fragile soul to start
a new post over there.






? i really dont know how to take this...

click to expand


Ahem...... please forgive me,
It wasn't directed at you.
No offense.... but someone in particular is hurting deep down and I am sensing it....
even more so.. now. (sorry.... There "may" be a special reason I am here.)
She's been hurt by a scorpio....
"shes been hurt by a scorpio"

**she should take a number...
Posted by DMV
"shes been hurt by a scorpio"

**she should take a number...


No, I don't think so.
I think she knows who she is and I sincerely want to be gentle and graceful
toward her. Because it's something real deep.
Something that requires an awful lot of care and sensitivity and understanding.
For the record, I have been faithful to the horse-woman I love.
My one and only, my first and last.
i dunno man...this guy doesn't sit right with me
Posted by westside
i dunno man...this guy doesn't sit right with me


That's probably because you're only 18 years old and have a hell of a lot to learn.

Shit is getting weird around here Firebird I was asking is that your car in your avater not what is your middle name. O-O
Posted by ellessque
Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by DMV
"shes been hurt by a scorpio"

**she should take a number...


No, I don't think so.
I think she knows who she is and I sincerely want to be gentle and graceful
toward her. Because it's something real deep.
Something that requires an awful lot of care and sensitivity and understanding.
For the record, I have been faithful to the horse-woman I love.
My one and only, my first and last.



LOL @ you
beccy is a sag with an aries moon. double fire. so, in essence, beccy is BEING beccy, she doesn't have anyone else to be.
you really should learn about the placements. your pisces moon is going to freak everybody the hell out.
click to expand



My pisces moon is going to freak everybody out?????
ummm what do you mean by "freak", "everybody", and "out"??
In what way?



Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by ellessque
Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by DMV
"shes been hurt by a scorpio"

**she should take a number...


No, I don't think so.
I think she knows who she is and I sincerely want to be gentle and graceful
toward her. Because it's something real deep.
Something that requires an awful lot of care and sensitivity and understanding.
For the record, I have been faithful to the horse-woman I love.
My one and only, my first and last.



LOL @ you
beccy is a sag with an aries moon. double fire. so, in essence, beccy is BEING beccy, she doesn't have anyone else to be.
you really should learn about the placements. your pisces moon is going to freak everybody the hell out.



My pisces moon is going to freak everybody out?????
ummm what do you mean by "freak", "everybody", and "out"??
In what way?




click to expand


oops, sorry, I misquoted....
I forgot the "hell" word.
I'll try and be more careful next time.
Posted by beccy
Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by ellessque
Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by DMV
"shes been hurt by a scorpio"

**she should take a number...


No, I don't think so.
I think she knows who she is and I sincerely want to be gentle and graceful
toward her. Because it's something real deep.
Something that requires an awful lot of care and sensitivity and understanding.
For the record, I have been faithful to the horse-woman I love.
My one and only, my first and last.



LOL @ you
beccy is a sag with an aries moon. double fire. so, in essence, beccy is BEING beccy, she doesn't have anyone else to be.
you really should learn about the placements. your pisces moon is going to freak everybody the hell out.



My pisces moon is going to freak everybody out?????
ummm what do you mean by "freak", "everybody", and "out"??
In what way?






oops, sorry, I misquoted....
I forgot the "hell" word.
I'll try and be more careful next time.



this is too cute, reaaaally!^^
damn... why do these people have to be so cute?
I don't know.
but don't forget: manipulation is not cute.
and playing games.
and and and...
^^
click to expand



ummm Beccy, I am not trying to be cute or manipulate or play games.
I am trying to be genuine and... not "freak everybody the hell out."
as ellesque has eloquently put it. (Which meaning I am looking forward to understanding, Ellesque). Winking
You say you want me to learn a lesson....
OK,
Teach.


Posted by beccy
yeah you're not trying to be cute but what you said was cute.
so.
I'm already teaching, I guess.
Answer my questions.
What happenend 21 years ago?
And tell me the truth, not want you want me to believe.
What have you done, and why do you have to wait so long to realize your mistake?





She is less than a month younger than I.
We are both '69rs.
We were young. 15 when we met in H.S.(she sat right behind me
in class) 16 on our first date to the annual county fair.
(16.5 years I was kicked out of HS for accidentally "shedding blood" of
an innocent bystander when I was provoked by another student.)
17 when the friendship got physical. (working diesel mech, truck driving school)
we were quite intimately active.
19 when 1st daughter was born. I was driving a Semi
the day 1st daughter was born.)
One night, in 1990 in my Cadillac, she told me our
relationship was perfect, I asked her to marry me. She said yes.
Later, unemployed, the Caddy was stolen and work troubles began.
jobwise, had a dry spell, driving, worked as a welder for a
short time, then worked toward getting back behind the wheel.
(details make for long story)
I am uncertain about "my mistake" other than I worked my butt off
to make ends meet as it was, and I desperately wanted to give her
and our children the best.

Now.... The only thing I can think of is that I was so absorbed
in "gettin' with the program" that she "may" have felt abandoned but never
confronted me so directly as for me to remember it.
Before this....

21 years ago, we make love, she tells me she loves me, then she left me.
A few days later she tells me she is pregnant with daughter #2
(who is the mother of my grandchild).
I pleaded again, with her NOT to leave, that I loved her, etc.
Times were hard and my income quite meager.
Years later, she told me the guy she married was a marriage of convenience
he was a leo. The marriage failed with two additional kids.
As for leo....
20 years ago, were it not for the twinkle in my baby's eye that said "Daddy, don't!",
I promise you, I would not be having this conversation with you or anyone else right now.
There wouldn't be two young people on this planet because they would not have been born.
Also, think about the agonizing shockwave that act would caused for all the families involved.

No.... instead, Daddy went o
No.... instead, Daddy went on the road and drove all over the US freezing and sweating his
butt off while they played house. Instead I was a man in deep pain. No one gave me comfort.
no one to talk to... Solitary confinement burning like hell on 18 wheels - try visualizing
that life. Hauling away some 100 people's potential misery and loss and heartache.
Ever wave at a truck driver and want him to blow the air horn with the bent arm gesture?????
You know what it's like to see "families" in their cars and rv's with smiles on their
faces and kids want you to toot the horn????
It's supposed to be a wonderful feeling..... but it wasn't for me.
The years and miles go by. A million in fact. Lonely.... isolated.... and FREE!
oh, brother...
Then my heart began to give me trouble and I had to let go of my professional license.
that was in 2003 I also have diabetes and high blood pressure.
They say that job related stress is a contributing factor.
(PS I am supposed to have a pacemaker.... since 2004 but no dice, no insurance... nothing.)
And my hearing is almost gone.
I have come a long way from being a man who almost gave into cutting "leo"'s head
clean off to forgiving him. And her.....? I am STILL in love with her. When it began,
I told her I would ALWAYS be there for her. And my children.
Please explain to me what I did wrong.
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