longafternoonnaps
@virgoOPPP
6 Years10,000+ Posts
Comments: 5394 · Posts: 10890 · Topics: 287
how do
Posted by aquarius_man_
This whole snack thing sounds very annoying, actually, I agree with the Cap here, am afraid. Man s got work to do, ain't go no time to start looking for people who keep zig-zagging everywhere instead of staying put in the same spot, like previously agreed.
As for the rest, I agree with you. What a rigid, stubborn, and selfish man you got yourself there.
However, in spite of your complaints, am sure you re somehow comfortable with this relationship where you give more and receive less. There must be something both caring and masochistic about you to be willing to put up with so much shit. As for the rest, as long as snacks and money are involved, you Earth signs should be happy together.
you just wanna disagree with me
the place we were supposed to meet in was the entrance of a building
i was inside pacing while he stayed in that one spot outside
mutual stupidity now that i think back but half an hour is idiotic
romeo and juliet didn't have phones but at least THEY MET
Posted by aquarius_man_
However, in spite of your complaints, am sure you re somehow comfortable with this relationship where you give more and receive less. There must be something both caring and masochistic about you to be willing to put up with so much shit. As for the rest, as long as snacks and money are involved, you Earth signs should be happy together.
i'm not used to his vibe. most guys i've dated aren't like this. don't know how to completely describe it. he makes me feel like i'm some pushy, selfish hoe draining him of time and resources. i've told him that he's rejected me multiple times now. he doesn't get it, that it breaks my heart every time. can't he wait his turn? i'm planning to get matching rings for our anniversary/his bday and i can't wait to find out how he's going to find a new way to reject me again. i never give up though, i'm always optimistic. always chasing.
Posted by aquarius_man_
For instance, my Cap brother in law always wants to eat in the same 3 restaurants. Luckily for him, I dig two of those, too. So we're fine. However, I hate the third, which he loves the most. We have intense arguments about going or not going there and eventually we're doing it my way, because I always tell him he can go there by himself, as I won't join him. He can't go there on his own to eat and drink alone like nobody loves him. And he follows me, although he bitches about me forcing his hand. But who cares about his whining? I noticed some Caps are very snobbish, just like the Sags, and if you know some really cool and hip places , one of those m'as-tu-vu restaurants, they would like to be seen there. Take them out on a date to one of those posh places. Have them pay, obviously.
i don't find him snobby. in fact, between the 2 of us i'm the bigger stuck up. but he told me he liked that about me coz he knows i'll never hoe around since i'm not 'friendly' (his ex cheated on him).
he's so happy every time he gets to pay for everything but every single time?
but then he does things like eat instant ramen. and i know that between us, he's got less resources to lose. i'm not going to let him eat trash just to pay for me. i feel heavy and guilty. and i blame him. then he told me he will NEVER accept anything from me coz i do this, i blame blame blame him for my feelings. i told him to accept things from me sometimes instead of rejecting me every chance he gets. he makes some of our dates so difficult. always stresses me out.
So he won’t let you buy him a snack but takes gas money from you?? I’m confused...
Posted by Arinoaqua
I’ll be honest...”trying new things” does not sound like a cap thing.
You should have just said I’ll meet you at your job with a snack.
There is no compromise with stubborn people. You have to think of unique approaches that don’t involve much effort from them.
one time i got us something fun (and non-refundable) that we're both supposed to enjoy.
and what does he do, thinking he's being 'considerate?' immediately express doubt, hesitation. never excitement nor happiness for any of my plans.
me heartbroken with extra anxiety: getting a refund for a non-refundable.
Posted by LadyNeptune
So he won’t let you buy him a snack but takes gas money from you?? I’m confused...
he didn't take anything
but i tried to offer both
Posted by virgoOPPPPosted by LadyNeptune
So he won’t let you buy him a snack but takes gas money from you?? I’m confused...
he didn't take anything
but i tried to offer bothclick to expand
Oh ok.
Well since money stuff is a sore spot for him stop offering just do. Example: ask him to meet you before work and already purchase and have the snack ready when he arrives.
Posted by ArinoaquaPosted by virgoOPPPPosted by Arinoaqua
I’ll be honest...”trying new things” does not sound like a cap thing.
You should have just said I’ll meet you at your job with a snack.
There is no compromise with stubborn people. You have to think of unique approaches that don’t involve much effort from them.
one time i got us something fun (and non-refundable) that we're both supposed to enjoy.
and what does he do, thinking he's being 'considerate?' immediately express doubt, hesitation. never excitement nor happiness for any of my plans.
me heartbroken with extra anxiety: getting a refund for a non-refundable.
*uncomfortable chuckles* been there 😬 The Aqua was just like that. He was a huge wet blanket most of the time.
My aunt is also engaged to a Cap and I can’t be around him for long. He hates everything, criticizes everything, makes fun of her hair, clothes, knees (yes knees) etc.
She is an Aqua so I guess she can ignore it. It destroys my spirit after a while. Someone always having negative shit to say.click to expand
i love him for the same reasons he upsets me.
one time he criticized me while we were having sex (over something completely unrelated to the act).
he's so honest but also what a mood-killer.
i can't even look at him today, i was so upset.
Posted by Hamsthetics
I'm sorry he doesn't live up to your expectations,
It seems you both are too similar and actually needed more stronger, less sensitive partner...
dude it's too late i'll never stop chasing this guy
If he is a traditional Cap, he probably likes set gender roles. The man provides and the woman nurtures. Anything else makes him uncomfortable. You must find other things to "give" to him than money. He doesn't want you worry or your pity, he wants to make it on his own and spoil you. Let him. That's what makes him happy and comfortable. An idea would be to pack him a lunch and bring it to him. Try new things only in very low stakes situations (always refundable, agreed ahead of time). He is just not a spontaneous guy and does not like suprises. 🤷♀️
Also I think it's awful he calls you selfish. Ugh but maybe bc that insult triggers me. Blech. 😖 It's bad communication if he can't state his needs and wants without personally insulting you.
Also I think it's awful he calls you selfish. Ugh but maybe bc that insult triggers me. Blech. 😖 It's bad communication if he can't state his needs and wants without personally insulting you.
Posted by dOpehEadPosted by virgoOPPPPosted by Hamsthetics
I'm sorry he doesn't live up to your expectations,
It seems you both are too similar and actually needed more stronger, less sensitive partner...
dude it's too late i'll never stop chasing this guy
capricorn men are chasers. They dont like to be chased.click to expand
he's passive
as a mutable, i have to take the role
Posted by HamstheticsPosted by virgoOPPPPosted by Hamsthetics
I'm sorry he doesn't live up to your expectations,
It seems you both are too similar and actually needed more stronger, less sensitive partner...
dude it's too late i'll never stop chasing this guy
Just imagine dear, there is a fire sign man with a fat d*ck somewhere waiting for you, who would never try to control you emotionally with pettiness and guilt tripping.click to expand
i'm petty and a guilt-tripper
why would i reject him for that?
he was hesitant about going on our 2nd date coz 'he's never been there before' and neither have i'
- Yeah sorry I agree with him. Just don't want to be set up for disappointment. I like exploring new places when one of us knows about that place so it's smooth sailing.
The snack thing, I can also see why that'd be annoying. It's hard to enjoy free time in chaos and then knowing you have work soon. But at the same time, don't know why itwas chaotic for you guys to find each other? Is this the first time you're meeting in that place? Why not say in front of "x" building?
Then you wanting to pay for him is a big NO NO! You need to let this man afford his own things and build himself where he can be proud of himself... not thinking about that you made him a success. He needs to feel self-made and self-reliant and that he can eventually take care of you too. Not the other way around....
- Yeah sorry I agree with him. Just don't want to be set up for disappointment. I like exploring new places when one of us knows about that place so it's smooth sailing.
The snack thing, I can also see why that'd be annoying. It's hard to enjoy free time in chaos and then knowing you have work soon. But at the same time, don't know why itwas chaotic for you guys to find each other? Is this the first time you're meeting in that place? Why not say in front of "x" building?
Then you wanting to pay for him is a big NO NO! You need to let this man afford his own things and build himself where he can be proud of himself... not thinking about that you made him a success. He needs to feel self-made and self-reliant and that he can eventually take care of you too. Not the other way around....
I honestly think he's fine.... it's just that you want to lead things ..planning dates, buying stuff, throwing your money around and he's not only a Cardinal but a Capricorn.
I can see a Libra letting you pay for stuff.. .in fact they'd enjoy it and consider it love.
Aries would think it's cute but then show you who the real boss is by upping you by trying to spend more on you if he has the means. If he doesn't then he'd probably accept it but tell you it's not necessary.
But...a Capricorn man?!?!?!? No way ... only thing he'll accept are gifts that he knows he an afford to reciprocate otherwise he'll feel emasculated.
You have to accept this about him... and I don't know why it's so hard to accept it. It's admirable for a man to want to be self-made and not be bought stuff. That's how real gentlemen are... at least in my eyes.
I can see a Libra letting you pay for stuff.. .in fact they'd enjoy it and consider it love.
Aries would think it's cute but then show you who the real boss is by upping you by trying to spend more on you if he has the means. If he doesn't then he'd probably accept it but tell you it's not necessary.
But...a Capricorn man?!?!?!? No way ... only thing he'll accept are gifts that he knows he an afford to reciprocate otherwise he'll feel emasculated.
You have to accept this about him... and I don't know why it's so hard to accept it. It's admirable for a man to want to be self-made and not be bought stuff. That's how real gentlemen are... at least in my eyes.
Posted by capinccPosted by stillstillwater
he was hesitant about going on our 2nd date coz 'he's never been there before' and neither have i'
- Yeah sorry I agree with him. Just don't want to be set up for disappointment. I like exploring new places when one of us knows about that place so it's smooth sailing.
The snack thing, I can also see why that'd be annoying. It's hard to enjoy free time in chaos and then knowing you have work soon. But at the same time, don't know why itwas chaotic for you guys to find each other? Is this the first time you're meeting in that place? Why not say in front of "x" building?
Then you wanting to pay for him is a big NO NO! You need to let this man afford his own things and build himself where he can be proud of himself... not thinking about that you made him a success. He needs to feel self-made and self-reliant and that he can eventually take care of you too. Not the other way around....
Are we really talking about snacks?
COME ON MANclick to expand
yeah fuck the snacks... not worth standing around for half an hour trying to find someone. I'll just get it at the vending machine and enjoy it alone knowing I'm going to be on time at work and can just chiillllllllll.
Posted by stillstillwater
he was hesitant about going on our 2nd date coz 'he's never been there before' and neither have i'
- Yeah sorry I agree with him. Just don't want to be set up for disappointment. I like exploring new places when one of us knows about that place so it's smooth sailing.
The snack thing, I can also see why that'd be annoying. It's hard to enjoy free time in chaos and then knowing you have work soon. But at the same time, don't know why itwas chaotic for you guys to find each other? Is this the first time you're meeting in that place? Why not say in front of "x" building?
Then you wanting to pay for him is a big NO NO! You need to let this man afford his own things and build himself where he can be proud of himself... not thinking about that you made him a success. He needs to feel self-made and self-reliant and that he can eventually take care of you too. Not the other way around....
the only stupidity i admit to is meeting up anywhere that was not a few steps from his workplace. agreeing to his request to meet halfway (especially somewhere we've never met before). that's another thing, we only ever meet in 2 places (yes we're boring one of them is a church, imagine your grandparents in 1925 the painted veil setting).
yes that's my fault, i was too impulsive.
this is the 2nd time i didn't think properly coz i just wanted to see him.
How often are you trying to do new things?
If he's in survival mode it makes sense why he doesn't have the capacity for anything new because new means unknown. And unknown is very stressful when the important areas of your life are unknown. You see what I mean?
And from your "ramen noodles" every night it sounds like this man is in survival mode... I'm guessing though.
May be y'all have mismatched goals right now where his goal is just to get by until he's comfortable & secure financially. You're trying to explore and try new things. Those two don't go well together.
If he's in survival mode it makes sense why he doesn't have the capacity for anything new because new means unknown. And unknown is very stressful when the important areas of your life are unknown. You see what I mean?
And from your "ramen noodles" every night it sounds like this man is in survival mode... I'm guessing though.
May be y'all have mismatched goals right now where his goal is just to get by until he's comfortable & secure financially. You're trying to explore and try new things. Those two don't go well together.
And how long have you been together to want to try new things in the bedroom? And how do you bring it up?
Posted by aquarius_man_Posted by stillstillwater
And how long have you been together to want to try new things in the bedroom? And how do you bring it up?
Better yet, how long have OP & CAPMAN been together, since she mentions matching rings for their anniversary? 1 year?
Anyway, browsing through this thread I found some golden nuggets such as Aries with cum in her mouth which I likedclick to expand
pays to listen huhhh 😛 lol smh
Posted by aquarius_man_Posted by stillstillwater
And how long have you been together to want to try new things in the bedroom? And how do you bring it up?
Better yet, how long have OP & CAPMAN been together, since she mentions matching rings for their anniversary? 1 year?
Anyway, browsing through this thread I found some golden nuggets such as Aries with cum in her mouth which I likedclick to expand
i'll be honest i didn't read the other pages and now i feel guilty...
Posted by stillstillwater
How often are you trying to do new things?
If he's in survival mode it makes sense why he doesn't have the capacity for anything new because new means unknown. And unknown is very stressful when the important areas of your life are unknown. You see what I mean?
And from your "ramen noodles" every night it sounds like this man is in survival mode... I'm guessing though.
May be y'all have mismatched goals right now where his goal is just to get by until he's comfortable & secure financially. You're trying to explore and try new things. Those two don't go well together.
he's always saving money, wants a huge wedding (eww it's the opposite of what i want) but it's tradition in his family and he was supposed to marry this march (but she cheated, they broke up and we met). but we have all the same goals besides that. marriage is just some society thing i need to conform to. he doesn't think the same way. but whatever it's for our children too.
i just want him to live a little.
Posted by stillstillwater
And how long have you been together to want to try new things in the bedroom? And how do you bring it up?
1 whole year this coming january (around his bday)
Posted by virgoOPPPPosted by Arinoaqua
I’ll be honest...”trying new things” does not sound like a cap thing.
You should have just said I’ll meet you at your job with a snack.
There is no compromise with stubborn people. You have to think of unique approaches that don’t involve much effort from them.
one time i got us something fun (and non-refundable) that we're both supposed to enjoy.
and what does he do, thinking he's being 'considerate?' immediately express doubt, hesitation. never excitement nor happiness for any of my plans.
me heartbroken with extra anxiety: getting a refund for a non-refundable.click to expand
Hesitation is a Cap's go-to when surprised.
You surprised him. He didn't know exactly what to think about it, or got scared or whatever, and had to outweight negatives and positives. Starting with negatives ofc.
Surprising with food in workplace or going on dates doing something non-expensive is probably the best idea rn.
Also, talk to him about these rings you're planning on buying. You can just force them on him of course, but it would be at least weird imo.
Maybe just start communicating more openly and ask him does he like sth and will he be willing to use it if you buy it. And tell him about your feelings and why you feel them - it should clear some things (and possible resentment) up.
I have similar issue with Virgo - have to pry open with crapton of questions and vulnerability to get some from him too 🙂
I'm still hesitant about some things even though was preparing for them for a week.
Posted by stillstillwater
he was hesitant about going on our 2nd date coz 'he's never been there before' and neither have i'
- Yeah sorry I agree with him. Just don't want to be set up for disappointment. I like exploring new places when one of us knows about that place so it's smooth sailing.
The snack thing, I can also see why that'd be annoying. It's hard to enjoy free time in chaos and then knowing you have work soon. But at the same time, don't know why itwas chaotic for you guys to find each other? Is this the first time you're meeting in that place? Why not say in front of "x" building?
Then you wanting to pay for him is a big NO NO! You need to let this man afford his own things and build himself where he can be proud of himself... not thinking about that you made him a success. He needs to feel self-made and self-reliant and that he can eventually take care of you too. Not the other way around....
Oh you good! It got off to a bad start. Her running around to 3 different spots in the same vicinity for a half hour is a waste of time and you know how Caps feel about that. Also, like most Caps, I'm only really serious in one area (Work) so there has to be an understanding there. I send money to my parents/brothers monthly and if I'm with someone, I want to be able to take care of them in any eventuality too. So work is a big part of making these dreams happen. It's a balance of course. Putting money into his hand for gas was the part that made me cringe the most lol. He doesn't need you to get him a snack, a ride to work, or gas money. All those would slightly annoy a Cap. He's not a kid so dont bring him a juice box either 🙂. He needs your emotional support and reassuring touch more than Virgo acts of service. Bonus points for anything with a personal touch. On his side, he needs to mature and lighten up a bit. That'll get better with age but he needs to listen to you a little better. Also, eating ramen to save money? That's just cheap and counter to your health. You can't scrimp on your health or what you put in your body.
Posted by dOpehEadPosted by virgoOPPPPosted by Hamsthetics
I'm sorry he doesn't live up to your expectations,
It seems you both are too similar and actually needed more stronger, less sensitive partner...
dude it's too late i'll never stop chasing this guy
capricorn men are chasers. They dont like to be chased.click to expand
Exactly. Honestly @ OP ily Virgo sis but... virgals can be known to want someone to take care of and we’ll chase and obsess. But after a while one realizes it’s better and honestly more healthy for it to be the other way around in the case of Virgals as our motto is to serve and we honestly think we can fix someone. And we can’t.
All of dis over wanting to meet before work 🥴
I’m a sensitive bich so this would probably hurt my feelings and id ignore him🤩
Idk how u do it. Like what do caps even like? Air? The void? Do you take it for a walk? They like walks?
I’m a sensitive bich so this would probably hurt my feelings and id ignore him🤩
Idk how u do it. Like what do caps even like? Air? The void? Do you take it for a walk? They like walks?
Posted by Nightcap-Posted by stillstillwater
he was hesitant about going on our 2nd date coz 'he's never been there before' and neither have i'
- Yeah sorry I agree with him. Just don't want to be set up for disappointment. I like exploring new places when one of us knows about that place so it's smooth sailing.
The snack thing, I can also see why that'd be annoying. It's hard to enjoy free time in chaos and then knowing you have work soon. But at the same time, don't know why itwas chaotic for you guys to find each other? Is this the first time you're meeting in that place? Why not say in front of "x" building?
Then you wanting to pay for him is a big NO NO! You need to let this man afford his own things and build himself where he can be proud of himself... not thinking about that you made him a success. He needs to feel self-made and self-reliant and that he can eventually take care of you too. Not the other way around....
Oh you good! It got off to a bad start. Her running around to 3 different spots in the same vicinity for a half hour is a waste of time and you know how Caps feel about that. Also, like most Caps, I'm only really serious in one area (Work) so there has to be an understanding there. I send money to my parents/brothers monthly and if I'm with someone, I want to be able to take care of them in any eventuality too. So work is a big part of making these dreams happen. It's a balance of course. Putting money into his hand for gas was the part that made me cringe the most lol. He doesn't need you to get him a snack, a ride to work, or gas money. All those would slightly annoy a Cap. He's not a kid so dont bring him a juice box either 🙂. He needs your emotional support and reassuring touch more than Virgo acts of service. Bonus points for anything with a personal touch. On his side, he needs to mature and lighten up a bit. That'll get better with age but he needs to listen to you a little better. Also, eating ramen to save money? That's just cheap and counter to your health. You can't scrimp on your health or what you put in your body.click to expand
Excellent points... That's why I assumed that the ramen noodle things is because he's just trying to survive but may be he's extremely prudent to save money... which you're right. No amount of money is worth your health. When you're young you think nothing can touch you but those things add-up to development of all kinds of issues as you age.
Virgos are a bit more flexible than capricorns, they're frigid as hell I still don't get how they're a match made in heaven. You should tell him its unfair of him to call you selfish when he refuses to be flexible and reasonable.
Posted by Sunsetvirgo
All of dis over wanting to meet before work 🥴
I’m a sensitive bich so this would probably hurt my feelings and id ignore him🤩
Idk how u do it. Like what do caps even like? Air? The void? Do you take it for a walk? They like walks?
They like work, it's no wonder they make everything difficult.
Posted by stillstillwater
I honestly think he's fine.... it's just that you want to lead things ..planning dates, buying stuff, throwing your money around and he's not only a Cardinal but a Capricorn.
I can see a Libra letting you pay for stuff.. .in fact they'd enjoy it and consider it love.
Aries would think it's cute but then show you who the real boss is by upping you by trying to spend more on you if he has the means. If he doesn't then he'd probably accept it but tell you it's not necessary.
But...a Capricorn man?!?!?!? No way ... only thing he'll accept are gifts that he knows he an afford to reciprocate otherwise he'll feel emasculated.
You have to accept this about him... and I don't know why it's so hard to accept it. It's admirable for a man to want to be self-made and not be bought stuff. That's how real gentlemen are... at least in my eyes.
every time i get so butthurt. and with me, one butthurt just leads to another one. not even gonna deny that, i'm so easy to upset. i just feel like these activities could be fun or relaxing for us. thing is i think i have better means to afford them. so i seem to be the one leading.
but i just can't tell him: "you can't afford this or that so i'm the one planning, booking and buying whatever." he's always putting off things so he can wait for some cash to come in before doing anything. one time i got so impatient that i put some money on his account (which made him think he had more money than the usual), so he immediately arranged for our date. you see how ridiculous this is? i have to do sneaky stuff like that to make him feel like he's the one planning things. and i don't wanna sound like a brat, but most of what i like are kinda expensive. that's why i don't want him paying. him coming over to anything i like or participating requires him to pay considerable sums of money. and i am NOT going to do that to him but i also still wanna do that or go there. i keep telling him he can just pay next time. but he insists that he's the man and should be the one to come up with these things.
i'll be waiting forever at this rate.
so now i have to play passive and settle for the scheduled dates he can afford.
i told him i'll just follow his schedule no matter how boring coz every time i try something, it always backfires on me.
@stillstillwater
he thinks i'm selfish and pushy.
just last night he told me how i never ask him if he's okay with this or that, that i just do whatever i want (not true, every time i give him a set of options, he just goes: "it's your decision."). this is partly why i see him as 'passive' and why i feel like i should be the one doing this or that. money is a strain between us coz he's always anxious about the flow of his. one time i told him i booked something and he immediately expressed his usual anxiety. i hate that coz i don't do this to get a NEGATIVE reaction. i'm trying to please him.
why do i have to wait for him to come up with the money when i can pay for it now? just so he can feel chivalrous? he thinks i'm selfish, childish and impatient. i swear this dude activates my first house dominant.
i've never had a problem like this with anyone before. coz i date guys who are either freeloaders who just lets me do whatever or guys who are like me and don't have some anxiety about money.
it seems that if i wanted to go through the usual fun dates i've had with libra/aries axis men i've dated, i'd have to do them alone. so ridiculous when i could just bring him with me. but he needs to feel whatever he needs to feel 'manly' about it.
he thinks i'm selfish and pushy.
just last night he told me how i never ask him if he's okay with this or that, that i just do whatever i want (not true, every time i give him a set of options, he just goes: "it's your decision."). this is partly why i see him as 'passive' and why i feel like i should be the one doing this or that. money is a strain between us coz he's always anxious about the flow of his. one time i told him i booked something and he immediately expressed his usual anxiety. i hate that coz i don't do this to get a NEGATIVE reaction. i'm trying to please him.
why do i have to wait for him to come up with the money when i can pay for it now? just so he can feel chivalrous? he thinks i'm selfish, childish and impatient. i swear this dude activates my first house dominant.
i've never had a problem like this with anyone before. coz i date guys who are either freeloaders who just lets me do whatever or guys who are like me and don't have some anxiety about money.
it seems that if i wanted to go through the usual fun dates i've had with libra/aries axis men i've dated, i'd have to do them alone. so ridiculous when i could just bring him with me. but he needs to feel whatever he needs to feel 'manly' about it.
Posted by virgoOPPPPosted by stillstillwater
I honestly think he's fine.... it's just that you want to lead things ..planning dates, buying stuff, throwing your money around and he's not only a Cardinal but a Capricorn.
I can see a Libra letting you pay for stuff.. .in fact they'd enjoy it and consider it love.
Aries would think it's cute but then show you who the real boss is by upping you by trying to spend more on you if he has the means. If he doesn't then he'd probably accept it but tell you it's not necessary.
But...a Capricorn man?!?!?!? No way ... only thing he'll accept are gifts that he knows he an afford to reciprocate otherwise he'll feel emasculated.
You have to accept this about him... and I don't know why it's so hard to accept it. It's admirable for a man to want to be self-made and not be bought stuff. That's how real gentlemen are... at least in my eyes.
every time i get so butthurt. and with me, one butthurt just leads to another one. not even gonna deny that, i'm so easy to upset. i just feel like these activities could be fun or relaxing for us. thing is i think i have better means to afford them. so i seem to be the one leading.
but i just can't tell him: "you can't afford this or that so i'm the one planning, booking and buying whatever." he's always putting off things so he can wait for some cash to come in before doing anything. one time i got so impatient that i put some money on his account (which made him think he had more money than the usual), so he immediately arranged for our date. you see how ridiculous this is? i have to do sneaky stuff like that to make him feel like he's the one planning things. and i don't wanna sound like a brat, but most of what i like are kinda expensive. that's why i don't want him paying. him coming over to anything i like or participating requires him to pay considerable sums of money. and i am NOT going to do that to him but i also still wanna do that or go there. i keep telling him he can just pay next time. but he insists that he's the man and should be the one to come up with these things.
i'll be waiting forever at this rate.
so now i have to play passive and settle for the scheduled dates he can afford.
i told him i'll just follow his schedule no matter how boring coz every time i try something, it always backfires on me.click to expand
what happened to your unconditional love? You wanting to pay for things knowing he can't afford by himself is not a display of love at all. More like you want things that he cannot afford so you try to manipulate or straight-up pay for him just so you can have those experiences with him. This would be fine for a man who doesn't take his lady seriously but for a man who wants to grow he would want to follow the three Ps: profess, provide and protect.
If you cannot wait for those experiences, then date someone who can afford those things. But your relationship will keep suffering if you don't accept his perspective and situation on money. And if you know his situation, can you not enjoy his company doing free things or dates that are his ideas?
Three things couples fight about the most in a marriage:
1) Money
2) Kids
3) Sex
You're only one year in and already fighting about 2/3.... sit down and think about that... That's not looking good. You won't be able to change him so you can only change yourself... or walk away. This is the ignorance of modern day women, that they do not allow space for men to be/feel like providers. Your only job with a man is that he feels loved and emotionally supported so that he can achieve great things himself. Do you think he feels that way with you?
In a relationship the man is the leader for things like that and you'd have to follow his lead. A relationship is like Salsa where the man leads and his job is to make the dance easy for you and make you look good. Your job is to follow his lead and shine in the process. He leads the flow and you make that flow look good... bam.
What may seem trivial to you like 'OH YOU JUST WANT OT BE CHIVALROUS" is something that is at the core of his identity.
May be take more time to learn, understand, and honor what he values. Then perhaps he can do the same for you.
You're not going to win trying to show dominance to a Capricorn man.
https://www.oxygen.com/sites/oxygen/files/ style s/blog-post-embedded--mobile/public/ice_story.gif?itok=zIz4NuQG
First he'll fight. Then he'll become passive. Then resentful. Then distant and cold. Then a break up.
May be take more time to learn, understand, and honor what he values. Then perhaps he can do the same for you.
You're not going to win trying to show dominance to a Capricorn man.
https://www.oxygen.com/sites/oxygen/files/ style s/blog-post-embedded--mobile/public/ice_story.gif?itok=zIz4NuQG
First he'll fight. Then he'll become passive. Then resentful. Then distant and cold. Then a break up.
Posted by stillstillwaterPosted by virgoOPPPPosted by stillstillwater
I honestly think he's fine.... it's just that you want to lead things ..planning dates, buying stuff, throwing your money around and he's not only a Cardinal but a Capricorn.
I can see a Libra letting you pay for stuff.. .in fact they'd enjoy it and consider it love.
Aries would think it's cute but then show you who the real boss is by upping you by trying to spend more on you if he has the means. If he doesn't then he'd probably accept it but tell you it's not necessary.
But...a Capricorn man?!?!?!? No way ... only thing he'll accept are gifts that he knows he an afford to reciprocate otherwise he'll feel emasculated.
You have to accept this about him... and I don't know why it's so hard to accept it. It's admirable for a man to want to be self-made and not be bought stuff. That's how real gentlemen are... at least in my eyes.
every time i get so butthurt. and with me, one butthurt just leads to another one. not even gonna deny that, i'm so easy to upset. i just feel like these activities could be fun or relaxing for us. thing is i think i have better means to afford them. so i seem to be the one leading.
but i just can't tell him: "you can't afford this or that so i'm the one planning, booking and buying whatever." he's always putting off things so he can wait for some cash to come in before doing anything. one time i got so impatient that i put some money on his account (which made him think he had more money than the usual), so he immediately arranged for our date. you see how ridiculous this is? i have to do sneaky stuff like that to make him feel like he's the one planning things. and i don't wanna sound like a brat, but most of what i like are kinda expensive. that's why i don't want him paying. him coming over to anything i like or participating requires him to pay considerable sums of money. and i am NOT going to do that to him but i also still wanna do that or go there. i keep telling him he can just pay next time. but he insists that he's the man and should be the one to come up with these things.
i'll be waiting forever at this rate.
so now i have to play passive and settle for the scheduled dates he can afford.
i told him i'll just follow his schedule no matter how boring coz every time i try something, it always backfires on me.
what happened to your unconditional love? You wanting to pay for things knowing he can't afford by himself is not a display of love at all. More like you want things that he cannot afford so you try to manipulate or straight-up pay for him just so you can have those experiences with him. This would be fine for a man who doesn't take his lady seriously but for a man who wants to grow he would want to follow the three Ps: profess, provide and protect.
If you cannot wait for those experiences, then date someone who can afford those things. But your relationship will keep suffering if you don't accept his perspective and situation on money. And if you know his situation, can you not enjoy his company doing free things or dates that are his ideas?
Three things couples fight about the most in a marriage:
1) Money
2) Kids
3) Sex
You're only one year in and already fighting about 2/3.... sit down and think about that... That's not looking good. You won't be able to change him so you can only change yourself... or walk away. This is the ignorance of modern day women, that they do not allow space for men to be/feel like providers. Your only job with a man is that he feels loved and emotionally supported so that he can achieve great things himself. Do you think he feels that way with you?
In a relationship the man is the leader for things like that and you'd have to follow his lead. A relationship is like Salsa where the man leads and his job is to make the dance easy for you and make you look good. Your job is to follow his lead and shine in the process. He leads the flow and you make that flow look good... bam.
class="bqfade">click to expand
you're right.
i've had some time to stop being butthurt and realized that i'm being stupidly impulsive and childish.
i'm supposed to be focusing on work too which he's been trying to point out to me. we both have duties to attend to but something happened that made me go nuts. irrational jealousy. but i'm over that now, it's dumb.
when i was too passive, he got mad coz i rarely initiate or even receive contact. i feel like what i'm doing right now is some kind of compensation for that. but i just go from 2 extremes.
but now i need to impress him this week by focusing and working hard so he thinks i'm super mature.
Posted by virgoOPPPPosted by stillstillwaterPosted by virgoOPPPPosted by stillstillwater
I honestly think he's fine.... it's just that you want to lead things ..planning dates, buying stuff, throwing your money around and he's not only a Cardinal but a Capricorn.
I can see a Libra letting you pay for stuff.. .in fact they'd enjoy it and consider it love.
Aries would think it's cute but then show you who the real boss is by upping you by trying to spend more on you if he has the means. If he doesn't then he'd probably accept it but tell you it's not necessary.
But...a Capricorn man?!?!?!? No way ... only thing he'll accept are gifts that he knows he an afford to reciprocate otherwise he'll feel emasculated.
You have to accept this about him... and I don't know why it's so hard to accept it. It's admirable for a man to want to be self-made and not be bought stuff. That's how real gentlemen are... at least in my eyes.
every time i get so butthurt. and with me, one butthurt just leads to another one. not even gonna deny that, i'm so easy to upset. i just feel like these activities could be fun or relaxing for us. thing is i think i have better means to afford them. so i seem to be the one leading.
but i just can't tell him: "you can't afford this or that so i'm the one planning, booking and buying whatever." he's always putting off things so he can wait for some cash to come in before doing anything. one time i got so impatient that i put some money on his account (which made him think he had more money than the usual), so he immediately arranged for our date. you see how ridiculous this is? i have to do sneaky stuff like that to make him feel like he's the one planning things. and i don't wanna sound like a brat, but most of what i like are kinda expensive. that's why i don't want him paying. him coming over to anything i like or participating requires him to pay considerable sums of money. and i am NOT going to do that to him but i also still wanna do that or go there. i keep telling him he can just pay next time. but he insists that he's the man and should be the one to come up with these things.
i'll be waiting forever at this rate.
so now i have to play passive and settle for the scheduled dates he can afford.
i told him i'll just follow his schedule no matter how boring coz every time i try something, it always backfires on me.
what happened to your unconditional love? You wanting to pay for things knowing he can't afford by himself is not a display of love at all. More like you want things that he cannot afford so you try to manipulate or straight-up pay for him just so you can have those experiences with him. This would be fine for a man who doesn't take his lady seriously but for a man who wants to grow he would want to follow the three Ps: profess, provide and protect.
If you cannot wait for those experiences, then date someone who can afford those things. But your relationship will keep suffering if you don't accept his perspective and situation on money. And if you know his situation, can you not enjoy his company doing free things or dates that are his ideas?
Three things couples fight about the most in a marriage:
1) Money
2) Kids
3) Sex
You're only one year in and already fighting about 2/3.... sit down and think about that... That's not looking good. You won't be able to change him so you can only change yourself... or walk away. This is the ignorance of modern day women, that they do not allow space for men to be/feel like providers. Your only job with a man is that he feels loved and emotionally supported so that he can achieve great things himself. Do you think he feels that way with you?
In a relationship the man is the leader for things like that and you'd have to follow his lead. A relationship is like Salsa where the man leads and his job is to make the dance easy for you and make you look good. Your job is to follow his lead and shine in the process. He leads the flow and you make that flow look good... bam.
you're right.
i've had some time to stop being butthurt and realized that i'm being stupidly impulsive and childish.
i'm supposed to be focusing on work too which he's been trying to pointing out to me. we both have duties to attend to but something happened that made me go nuts. irrational jealousy. but i'm over that now, it's dumb.
when i was too passive, he got mad coz i rarely initiate or even receive contact. i feel like what i'm doing right now is some kind of compensation for that. but i just go from 2 extremes.
but now i need to impress him this week by focusing and working hard so he thinks i'm super mature.click to expand
yeah be proud that you have a man who wants to be a provider to you. that's an almost extinct species of men at this point of century.... Support that man and one day you'll enjoy all kinds of luxuries and experiences together.
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