Sanity Check

This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by Ripe on Saturday, June 6, 2020 and has 8 replies.
So I wrote about this Cap chick before. We've been texting and talking for a few weeks now and its generally nice, but I'm kind of curious about a few things that happened, so, I wanted to check it with any cap women, or any women, really.

So, at the beginning, we're skyping, talking, and texting and the conversations are easy-going, but she was holding back and whatnot. Many texts and calls later, I asked her if she was depressed. She got offended and asked me what made me ask such a question, and my reasoning, pretty much, was that I've been trying to "reach" her and found her unresponsive. Kind of like she's not engaging in or investing in the friendship/situationship. I'm good at what I do, but she kind of instinctively rebuffed my efforts, a little too well, so, I had to ask myself, maybe this person is just "unavailable" or maybe it's not the right time in their life or something.

She was defensive for a minute and then started talking about her past relationships and how she now has to take care of herself by keeping distance and really getting to know someone before investing into anything, which is understandable. By the end of that conversation, she thanked me for bringing it up and I was happy having it.

I mean the convo got very awkward for a while, and her tone changed a fair bit and I knew that I was getting her full attention, but it eventually went somewhere good/happy and It felt that something was happening. At the end of that convo, I told her that I respected her and what she was telling me, and I think that she needs a lot of space and time to grow and I accept that. She somewhat didn't like that last bit.

I didn't text/call for almost a week, and then she texted me. That was the first time ever that she initiates a convo. She also added me on IG/FB just before texting me (and I didn't send her any requests), and then our conversations changed a bit. Most interestingly to me, she became very submissive in language and in tone. I thought cap women are not openly/instinctively submissive?

We haven't talked since her messaging me. She keeps telling me that she's busy with work and can't talk right now, so I give her some more space, and then when she realizes that I just gave her some more space, she tells me that her work isn't hectic and texting isn't that taxing on her.

Anyway... if you read all of that, what can you make of that?
Posted by MareInfame

Maybe she felt like you were being patronizing and pushing your boundaries of giving advice where it was not welcomed.

I don’t think she appreciated you assuming she was depressed or needing space and time to grow. She didn’t ask for advice nor asked to be diagnosed. So now, she might just be annoyed and needing space.
Maybe. I know it was "bold" of me to ask, but I was frustrated with it/her. I was kind of indifferent to which direction that convo can go, and crab/side-walked my way out of trouble. I didn't expect her to make an active effort afterward tho.
That was a master move!

I think you've got her attention (and respect!) now. No wonder she adopted a more submissive tone and also started to initiate, aka put more effort in.

isn't she the psychiatrist? You appeared to have exchanged roles for a sec, and she was taken aback, lol!
Posted by HearttofTopazz

My first thought is you’ve only been talking for a few weeks. That’s not a lot of time to get to know someone.

When you didn’t receive the attention you expected from her, you automatically assumed she was depressed? Lmao. Lawdz!

She’s obviously talking to other guys.

It doesn’t seem like you’re talking to anyone else other than her.

“I'm good at what I do”...and what is it that you do?
It's not unresponsive to my mojo. It was unresponsive. Like, when I looked into it, she wasn't talking about anything. Not work, not family, not the present, not the past...nothing. It was really like a Seinfeld episode, which I find fun, but entertainment aside, I'm not allowing her in my life to be entertained.

She did say that she's not in any situationship. I'm not sure if she's just flirting with other people, if any, and I'm not about to start not trusting her.
Posted by Undine

That was a master move!

I think you've got her attention (and respect!) now. No wonder she adopted a more submissive tone and also started to initiate, aka put more effort in.

isn't she the psychiatrist? You appeared to have exchanged roles for a sec, and she was taken aback, lol!
She is a psychiatrist. Not sure if you're being serious or facetious, but I was just working on instinct, for better or worse. Too bad it's not helping me much when trying to figure out what's happening now. Too many surprises with her.
Posted by Ripe
Posted by Undine

That was a master move!

I think you've got her attention (and respect!) now. No wonder she adopted a more submissive tone and also started to initiate, aka put more effort in.

isn't she the psychiatrist? You appeared to have exchanged roles for a sec, and she was taken aback, lol!


She is a psychiatrist. Not sure if you're being serious or facetious, but I was just working on instinct, for better or worse. Too bad it's not helping me much when trying to figure out what's happening now. Too many surprises with her.
click to expand
I was being serious.

Is she far away from you, or is the lockdown preventing you from going on a date?

Posted by Undine
Posted by Ripe
Posted by Undine

That was a master move!

I think you've got her attention (and respect!) now. No wonder she adopted a more submissive tone and also started to initiate, aka put more effort in.

isn't she the psychiatrist? You appeared to have exchanged roles for a sec, and she was taken aback, lol!


She is a psychiatrist. Not sure if you're being serious or facetious, but I was just working on instinct, for better or worse. Too bad it's not helping me much when trying to figure out what's happening now. Too many surprises with her.


I was being serious.

Is she far away from you, or is the lockdown preventing you from going on a date?
click to expand
Different continents right now. I usually avoid LDRs like the coronavirus, but a few people (including my sis) wanted me to check her out over the past 5 years. Eventually I did and im finding her beyond interesting so far.

I was thinking of arranging for a weekend together, maybe in Sep/Oct, maybe Paris. That would be cool. But, that's assuming things don't go sour for another 2-3 months.
Posted by Ripe
Posted by Undine
Posted by Ripe
Posted by Undine

That was a master move!

I think you've got her attention (and respect!) now. No wonder she adopted a more submissive tone and also started to initiate, aka put more effort in.

isn't she the psychiatrist? You appeared to have exchanged roles for a sec, and she was taken aback, lol!


She is a psychiatrist. Not sure if you're being serious or facetious, but I was just working on instinct, for better or worse. Too bad it's not helping me much when trying to figure out what's happening now. Too many surprises with her.


I was being serious.

Is she far away from you, or is the lockdown preventing you from going on a date?


Different continents right now. I usually avoid LDRs like the coronavirus, but a few people (including my sis) wanted me to check her out over the past 5 years. Eventually I did and im finding her beyond interesting so far.

I was thinking of arranging for a weekend together, maybe in Sep/Oct, maybe Paris. That would be cool. But, that's assuming things don't go sour for another 2-3 months.
click to expand
I don't think anyone sane would agree to a relationship without meeting in person first. As long as she engages with you, she is interested. Engaging as in making an effort to sustain a meaningful conversation, not just politely answering your questions.