Gemini Male Advice

I'm a Pisces female (31) and matched with a Gemini (29) online who was moving from one state to mine shortly. We never met but kept in touch here and there and once he moved we finally had a date. I honestly didn't think i would like him like that but the date surprised me and we stayed out drinking way longer and then sleeping together. We had another date where we went out and had a great time and ended up sleeping together again. Sex is great and our chemistry feels amazing. Since those two dates we have only been to his place to hang out (3 more times) and hes cooked or we've ran some place but mainly talked and got to know each other and again would sleep together. He always would cuddle me after or say i could stay. I brought up and made it clear i was not looking for a FWB and if that's how he was looking at it to just be honest and let me know. He stated not at all, he has two kids back home and just likes to take his time to make sure its something real before jumping into anything. Hes always agreed we have great chemistry and that its not just about the sex.

Last week he came over strictly to have sex after work... i felt like being a little spontaneous with him. We chatted here and there and i had mentioned wanting to see him this weekend b/c he normally has week days off not weekends and this one he had a weekend off (he also lives 45 min away so the drive is a bit ridiculous when we hang out during the week). He said we could aim for Saturday and go out that would be fun. (Hes also mentioned doing other fun things together but we just haven't yet)

Now communication has been pretty even for the most part. I may of reached out first a few more times than him but he would reach out after a day or two if i hadn't made contact.

Friday came around and we chatted and then i brought up seeing him the next day. I didn't hear from him the rest of the day after asking that until early the next morning and his response seemed cold. It just said "Sorry yesterday was hectic at work and that he was just going to stay in that night, sorry." I mentioned that if he wanted to have a chill night i was fine with that, that it seemed a little odd he was backing out completely now and he said that he had just got some news from back home and was in a weird funk. When he gets like that he tends to close up. Not to sound rude to me or anything but he was going to go to the gym and let off steam and go from there.

I text him that i was sorry and if he decided he wanted company to let me know.

I didn't hear from him, so i text him once more when i knew he was off that day and basically said i hope he had a good day, that i would just let him have his space b/c being in a funk is never fun. I told him to enjoy his weekend and i hoped to hear from him soon. Well that was Saturday and i haven't heard anything. He still looks at my stories ill post online but hasn't reached out.

My question is, was this a way out for him maybe? I was trying not to come off too strong and wouldn't text him much....maybe asking him to hang out every week was a bit much though. He just moved here, is it more likely that he wanted to explore other options on his weekend off and didn't know how to say that? Or do Gemini men really need space like this?

I was going to give him till maybe Thursday and if i hadn't heard anything just pop in and say i was thinking of him, wanted to see how he was doing? Or should i not and just let it be...

because at the same time, if he wanted to talk to me he probably would. Plus i was the one who said that i would give him space and hoped to hear from him soon. lol

I just felt like everything was fine, and now it doesn't seem that way. Its odd. But i could of been completely stupid and all he thought of me was as a FWB as much as he said he wanted a relationship and just likes to take it slow. I could of just been dooped. Some advice would be helpful. I'm almost tempted to just let it be but i really started to like this guy.

Yeah that's what I've read and heard. So that's another thing that made me think maybe hes just not that into me. lol Just really not sure, he'll kiss my head and cuddle with me, always says its great to have me over. We've gotten to know each other pretty well and have gotten into our back stories and our likes and dislikes. Its just always a good time and lots of laughing.

I did however notice another girls eyelash in his bathroom a few weeks back. So i know hes obviously talking to or seeing other girls which... is fine (obviously not ideal lol) so I've been dating others as well.

I didn't bring it up nor would i, but its certainly been in the back of my head.

So a guy friend said to just call him out. lol

I drafted up this text and just am not sure when to send it (he said today) or IF to even send it.

Hey

So not going to lie, I'm a little surprised i haven't heard from you at all. And to be honest a little confused, i know you said you were in a funk and close up at times but we went from communicating every other day to none. I just thought we weren't into games....

Too forward? I kind of think so but my friend said sometimes its nice to have a girl call you out. Not every guy is like that though. So should i even send that?

Alright.... ill hold off on it. I kind of thought i should, i feel like i made it a bit too easy. I'm the type to initiate dates and communication with whoever I'm into, its just who i am. Total planner and i guess to an extent like being in control in that aspect. So hoping that maybe if i do just let him be.....he'll kind of think of it as the chase is back on. I can just get so damn impatient and I'm always so forward, i cant stand games.

Yes, im hoping that by him watching what ive been up to it means hes still interested. I may of just came on stronger than he wanted.....he JUST moved here a month and a half ago. lol

What i HAD drafted up....would that be something i should send or say it another way? Also, how long do i wait....

Posted by emeraldgem

Are you sure you're not dating a Cancer.....? LOL! Sorry but apparently no Gem-Men on these boards but as a Gem female we are usually suffocating in our communication. You will hardly be able to shut us up. We also like a challenge and a bit of a pursuit so I would say yes - hang back and let him surface again. Again, with the booty being handed out so easily ya kinda lost some mystery there. I don't think his head has caught up with his other head.

This! Additionally, his first lie was, "I want to take things slow". What "things", when you're already fu*****. SMH @ the bull****.

Hi Pisces here with a Gemini man.

I think instead of making assumptions and turning this into something personal ie hes lost interest/has moved onto someone else, you should chillax and take him at his word. It’s literally been a few days.

He was too tired from work and had bad news back home to deal with. None of that is a reflection of you. For all you know he could’ve found out one of his parents was diagnosed with cancer, or a friend was in a car accident and died, something to do with his kids... Who tf knows.

It’s early days so if he’s interested and once he gathers his head he will be reaching out. In the meantime you could hit him with a sweet, “thinking of you today, hope things are good with you”.

Also give yourself a cut off date. It’s been a few weeks of dating/fucking. By a month or so in he should know whether he wants to at least be sexually exclusive with you.

Posted by Alswope307

Alright.... ill hold off on it. I kind of thought i should, i feel like i made it a bit too easy. I'm the type to initiate dates and communication with whoever I'm into, its just who i am. Total planner and i guess to an extent like being in control in that aspect. So hoping that maybe if i do just let him be.....he'll kind of think of it as the chase is back on. I can just get so damn impatient and I'm always so forward, i cant stand games.

Yes, im hoping that by him watching what ive been up to it means hes still interested. I may of just came on stronger than he wanted.....he JUST moved here a month and a half ago. lol

What i HAD drafted up....would that be something i should send or say it another way? Also, how long do i wait....

What’s your moon, Mercury, mars and Venus? Any idea of his?

Thanks everyone for your advice! I also was told about a podcast called single smart female that had a few episodes that really helped as well i think.

Its only been a few days, hes either got too much on his mind or are exploring other options which is fine as i am as well. I think i started to get to hyper focused on him and he probably sensed that so, since that last thing i had text him on Saturday was that i would give him space, to enjoy his weekend and i hoped to hear from him soon... i should stick by that. He knows i am into him if verbally told him more than a few times and mentioned that i just didn't want to be putting in more effort with him if he wasn't as interested when i could be gearing that towards someone that was and he said he completely understood and agreed.

So with that being said, i'm going to let him step up and come back. (hoping that he even does)

I recently had also been talking with someone for almost 2 months where we both just kind of......stopped communicating all of a sudden but that relationship was far more boring and really lasted longer than it should of. He was also a pisces and i think we had too much in common. lol

I'm just always afraid that someone i really am interested in... that will ALSO happen.

I know i deserve more than that though so his loss if he doesn't come back around. I'm an awesome girl and i just need to remember that. 🙂

nanobot-

Mines kind of saying the same. As much as i was trying to just be upfront and honest with what i was looking for i was hoping he was also but that's not seeming like the case right now. I guess we'll see. Obviously really bummed, it just seems like half of the time I'm never good enough and men are ALWAYS looking for something better. I go on dates left and right but no one seems to stay around longer than 2 months. Its just frustrating and exhausting.

Posted by Alswope307

nanobot-

Mines kind of saying the same. As much as i was trying to just be upfront and honest with what i was looking for i was hoping he was also but that's not seeming like the case right now. I guess we'll see. Obviously really bummed, it just seems like half of the time I'm never good enough and men are ALWAYS looking for something better. I go on dates left and right but no one seems to stay around longer than 2 months. Its just frustrating and exhausting.

I hope this doesn't offend you, but I would try to control less and let the man lead more. Follow your intuition, trust yourself, don't sit around waiting on a man who hasn't made things clear. Just keep living your life, remember you're worth it.

Not at all! I've been told i need to let the man lead. And i know i need to I just have a hard time with it sometimes... i think its a control thing for me. Something I'm working on and the more I've been dating the harder i try to keep that in mind.

if you want more than fwb you need to get to know his situation regarding kids, baby mother, etc.

cuddling after sex doesn't mean anything

and what you're getting now - silent periods - is probably what you'll get a lot. he will have to give time to his kids, and his baby mother will want attention. he is only 29 so his kids are likely young.

Posted by Alswope307

nanobot-

Mines kind of saying the same. As much as i was trying to just be upfront and honest with what i was looking for i was hoping he was also but that's not seeming like the case right now. I guess we'll see. Obviously really bummed, it just seems like half of the time I'm never good enough and men are ALWAYS looking for something better. I go on dates left and right but no one seems to stay around longer than 2 months. Its just frustrating and exhausting.

your focus is on being good for others

switch it around - are they good enough for you?

maybe try accept that a lot of people are looking for sex, not relationships.

embrace the short flings. enjoy people's company - don't need it. most of all, enjoy the sex. if anything, you got some good sex.

Besarlalluvia- So he has kids yes young 3 & 6 however he left them when he moved states to where i am. So he doesn't physically see them. Of course he facetimes and what not but that's it right now. Hes just stated his last relationship they didn't say they were official until after 4 months...he prefers to know if something is real instead of just lust b/c he does have kids in the picture. Yes.....sex is AMAZING, hahaha so i did get that, i can't argue there.

But again i agree with Nanobot....the eyelash thing really sucked to notice and has since had me feeling insecure so i've made it a point to bring up what i want and where i stand and hes always said he agrees and understands. I honest to god.....have THE HARDEST time believing anything that comes out of a mans mouth. Dating has got me so twisted in the head its sad.

I've always been an upfront and honest person...if i like someone i let them know, if not then i let them know. I don't enjoy games its stressful and so unnecessary. I'm 31....ain't nobody got time for that! lol

Nothing wrong with waiting to put a relationship title on something until you know its legit.

However to your point, you don't want to be a sexual option while he sticks his dick in other women while he 'decides' if he sees relationship potential with you. I see nothing wrong with asking for sexual exclusivity while you date and get to know each other (and presumably other people). If he's hesitant over giving you that, at least, personally I'd walk.

LadyNeptune-

Yeah I've thought about that and completely agree. When it comes to just sleeping with each other, i need to bring that up more, i always get nervous. Stupid i know lol

Just an update. I had a minor freak out when I went to look at his IG page and it said user not found (automatically thought he deleted me) but I went to fb where I didn’t have him added but had previously looked him up and that page seemed to be disabled to. I had a friend double check and he couldn’t be found. So with that observation I feel like he’s going through some stuff like he did state and I should of just took it as face value. He just moved here and I had asked how he liked it so far and he seemed a bit hesitant so maybe he got news from back home AND is a bit depressed. I honestly feel a little better as horrible as that sounds but a friend today told me to give it about 2 weeks and then reach out and just say that I was thinking of him and hoped he was doing well... see how that went.

After learning that I almost want to reach out and let him know I’m here if he needs someone to talk to.....

Still not a good idea? Lol (hands over eyes)

Posted by Alswope307

After learning that I almost want to reach out and let him know I’m here if he needs someone to talk to.....

Still not a good idea? Lol (hands over eyes)

stop being a naive pisces

he can't even father his kids but you think he will be a good boyfriend choice LOL

I don’t know anything about his parenting and neither do you so we can’t really say that he can’t or doesn’t father his kids just for the simple fact he moved closer to be near his parents. And I wouldn’t call it naive I’d call it optimistic 😉

But thank you

Posted by Alswope307

After learning that I almost want to reach out and let him know I’m here if he needs someone to talk to.....

Still not a good idea? Lol (hands over eyes)

Please stop...you are going to get hurt! If he wanted to talk to you, he would have blown your phone by now.

I'm as bold as you are but learned to control myself...I would recommend you stop romanticizing guys early on. This includes: don't have sex during the first 3-4 dates and then stop thinking constantly about them. The former will make you chemically attached to anyone with a dick. The latter will give you the illusion that you two are in a relationship, when it's all in your head, dear! I don't care what the fashion says. This is advice from one Pisces to another...

I would suggest you change your attitude to dating. Get a few new hobbies at the same time. Get busy. Get stuff to talk about. Let them see your passion for what you are doing, that's it! Think about dating as relaxation time and keep the first dates informative, light and short. A coffee or stroll in a park should be enough.

Undine well to be honest I think I had mentioned I didn’t even think I would end up liking him on the first date (romantically anyway) so the whole sex part just kind of happened. And even after our first date I figured I kind of messed that up by sleeping with him so soon so I really wasn’t giving him too much thought still. However we

Had another date and it was just as good and then it just progressed from there.

I typically try and take things slow if I’m interested interested.... this was a bit A** backwards. Lol but I agree with you and I’m certainly a hopeless romantic!

"I didn’t even think I would end up liking him on the first date "

I did walk into this trap too 😉. TWICE! Both were Gems as well. My kryptonite.

The first one was my neighbour. He was extra nice to me. I liked him too, but only as a friend. When he invited me for dinner in a fancy restaurant, I accepted, but made sure he lost any romantic interest he might have had. Since he was a respected police officer who liked children and wanted a committed relationship, I pretended I was as free as a bird, mad as a hatter, unconventional, and told him that I had a husband abroad (which was true, lol, but we were separated). A few days later, something strange happened. I started to think intensely about him, couldn't wait for a date! Date which never happened....I asked him, but he said he was busy. Sigh....So I promised myself I will never do that to a guy again.

Next Gem, several years later:

I didn't even like him on the first date. Or the second. Or the third, when I asked (in advance) to have sex. It was the worst sex I ever had, plus another red flag (he refused to give a tip in the restaurant). Or six months later, when I told him to go back to the dating site, since I didn't feel he was the one for me. We could be FWB for a while. He was speechless, possibly hurt, but responded by holding me closer.

I carried on because I needed a distraction (I was heartbroken at that time) and he was willing, interested and interesting. Knew things I didn't. Had experiences like no other man I knew. Talked about many things. Sex got much better. I started to see other sides of him that I liked. I overlooked other sides I found unsettling. I even overlooked our rubbish synastry chart, with a LOT of Pluto but no links between personal planets. He told me a lot about himself. He grew on me. And he told me he loved me.

Then, one day, it happened....I was in love with him! Or with the idea of him and our future, thanks to my lovely imagination. I thought I was the best partner he ever had. I thought he was the one for me. My last romantic interest EVER. I thought we were lucky to have found each other. It lasted another 18 months. It ended up badly. Ultimately my initial gut instinct was right!

Oops, I disclosed so much 😄