Another Aqua shows deep feellings and then runs away

This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by BAV on Wednesday, April 8, 2020 and has 9 replies.
This is simple: she (Aqua) went into "hiding" again, for a week or so (3 weeks ago). Barely texted, barely talked. Then she asked for my opinion on a personal problem she had, helped her, told me she loves me (it wasn’t the first time). Then I offered to help on another kind of personal issue. She refuses, then accepted. I really think that was a kind of big thing for her (forging her signature smile)). Came back from hibernating, things build up and in a week we were again on a deep emotional level - maybe the deepest in 2 months. The climax was a week ago when I told her that I want to share my life with her. Her instant reply was 'I feel and want this too'. Before that it was deep as hell - told her that although we are different in many aspects and we would argue on a few things, we love each other a lot and that we have a nice future ahead together (something along the lines). Her instant reply – ‘well this is exactly what’s on my mind every day’.

Anyway, after that 'I feel and want this too (sharing lives)' she runs away smile)) less and less talking for 2 days, then totally disappears for 3 days. I acknowledged that to her, asked her if she is ok with her recent back problems and that I love her. She replied that she is in retreat mode, ok with the back, no I love you too. She came back unexpected, calling me with a pretext and talked for 1,5h. She refused emotional discussions, when I tried gently to open up the subject. Just told me that she liked the fact that I felt her very good being in retreat mode and that it’s a nice feeling that I always sense how she feels. Then we continue talking friendly about everything else except wtf is going on with her and how we stand. Texted her that I think she retreats because it was too intense and her mind has to catch up with her feelings. She said its more complex than that.

What’s your opinion on this? I always get the feeling that she means when she says she wants to be together, she loves me etc. When she feels, its incredibly deep. But after that?! Is she freaking out? Is she rationalizing that she actually doesn’t want this? She gets scared of falling too much? And most important, how should I proceed?
Shows deep feelings=pays you lip service
Posted by 7thHouse

Nothing too intense for aquas please. It's the quickest way to turn us off.
Damn...I thought you were a Libra!
Posted by Aquarelle

Are you still dealing with her?

You could be too intense for her. If someone affects me on a deep emotional level, my first reaction is to run away. Scared of getting in too deep and losing my freedom. Especially if I don't know what I want with my life or if the other person moves too fast.

I have a feeling you are not understanding what she is saying. Seems like you constantly want reassurance from her, knowing where you stand, and so on. To me that sounds a bit pushy, which makes her retreat. If someone would ask me that all the time, and I still have to make up my mind, I would either lie to keep the peace, brush you off or withdraw.

She's afraid of losing her freedom because of the way you act.

Also, you keep complaining about her, you expect her to lead the relationship and reassure you all the time. You can't expect her to do that, you need to have enough self esteem to know what you want. Nobody wants to have deep emotional conversations all the time, it's draining. Don't expect her to be something she isn't. If you want deep feelings, try a Scorpio.
Like your opinion! Yes, I got the feeling that WE are too intense. She started it 3-4 months ago and yes, it was too intense for me too. Asked her at some point if she feels its too intense, she said she likes it intense. But probably wasn’t true, or not at that moment. Yes, she usually doesn’t know what she wants in life, she's been telling me all the time that she wants to change her job, but I don’t think she actually does something about it, or knows what she wants for sure. I know what I want, told her what my professional future looks like for me. Sometimes I get the feeling that she feels envy at me smile)) – told me that she sees stability with me.

What do you mean I don’t understand what she is saying? I know she loves me in her [damaged] way. I don’t want reassurance all the time, just for her to be more constant. I never asked her stuff like do you miss me, do you still love me. Never, that’s needy. We, both of us, used to say I love yous randomly, or not, and replied to each other the same. I admit, at times, I remind her that I want something more, like moving together. She used to say that we will see together how we proceed next or, that she wants it too. 3 months ago she was inundating my whatsapp with links to properties for us to move in! At one point I've told her that I don’t want to jump from one relationship to another in a matter of days (I had just broken it with my ex). After a month Aqua told me that that line was a big turn off for her. But wtf, what do you want, I was just out from a 2 year relationship?!

I don’t want either to have deep emotional convos all the time!! I am not like this! Yes, probably we both feel they are deep as they are not constant. They appear from time to time and when they do, very intense... I don’t need constant reassurance, all I want is normal small talk, but I am inclined probably for more than she is used to. That I admit. Constant communication.
Posted by poeticseraphim
Posted by Undine
Posted by 7thHouse

Nothing too intense for aquas please. It's the quickest way to turn us off.


Damn...I thought you were a Libra!


Leebs can seem very Aqua like to me sometimes.
click to expand
Mine has Libra rising smile)
Posted by poeticseraphim
Posted by Aquarelle
Posted by Undine

Shows deep feelings=pays you lip service


It's probably for a reason


This is true.

But you see damaged people often operate on a level that needs an immediate motivation and focus.

She is damaged can't from long attachments doesn't trust and is scared.

What kind of person does that turn you into?

One that uses shallow fantasy to connect briefly to someone to get them to do something or talk to them for a while.

'I love you' = join me in this shallow fantasy if you do your reward is you feeling good for a moment. And maybe you will do something for me.

Its not her fault she is this way. But she is this way. And she is playing with the OP.

She probably puts it down to being fun and unpredictable. Really its broken and manipulative.


OP don't be nasty with her. She is probably fragile.

I would just humour her. Every time she says i love you ...just go i love you too. But its just like two 5 yr olds playing house. So keep it that way.

She doesn't mean to be nasty. She can't help it. Don't let her drain you though.

She is afraid of losing her freedom. But she doesn't know how to protect it either. Anyone who says i love you without being ready ..gets trapped easily.. Which means she is someone who gets trapped easily and is fragile..

She is probably an abuser magnet.

Since you are not an abuser ....you probably make her feel more trapped.


Yes she is rationalizing she doesn't want this ..but she is also feeling she doesn't want this also.

She is fantasizing she does. Briefly. Its not real. Its just a game ...not in a manipulative way ...but like a playing house kind of a way.

Its sad really. Be gentle with yourself and her.

She will keep on doing this.

Play with her ...but don't let it drain you.

She's not the one.
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Yes, she is scared and afraid of commitment and somehow doesn’t really trusts me. Although she says she does. Interesting point that its all a fantasy for her. Could be. She tends to idealize a relationship. She doesn’t have experience with a normal one, for the past 10 years she's been single or in abusive relationships. What you said about being an abuse magnet is very very true. Her ex husband is still abusing her emotionally. She had a 3 years relationship with a married guy (fwb at first). When she wanted out, that guy abused her to the point that she blocked him all over. And more like this..

One more thing: she doesn’t have friend, just acquaintances, but not a real friend who to talk to everything. She was disappointed by all.. she explained. She was kind of right. So yeah, bad relationships, bad friendships, not a good relationship with her close family, except w. her daughter. She is very fragile, I agree.

I know I am the only normal person in her life. But my problem is that I want something more with her, than just being her friend. And when I don’t see a future clearly - meaning a relationship, I tend to do stupid things, like either run away or getting sad. No, I don’t think I am being pushy with her. Otherwise she would stop communicating.

So, why do you say to play with her and indulge her in her misery, but she is not the one?
Are you having sex with her or not?

In any case you should be focussing on sex and she should be focussing on what is going on in your head and where you stand in this relationship.

This works.

Oh and don't be her shoulder to cry on. Tell her to find some other shoulder.

Tits Out, game on else game over.
Posted by Aquarelle
Posted by BAV
Posted by Aquarelle

Are you still dealing with her?

You could be too intense for her. If someone affects me on a deep emotional level, my first reaction is to run away. Scared of getting in too deep and losing my freedom. Especially if I don't know what I want with my life or if the other person moves too fast.

I have a feeling you are not understanding what she is saying. Seems like you constantly want reassurance from her, knowing where you stand, and so on. To me that sounds a bit pushy, which makes her retreat. If someone would ask me that all the time, and I still have to make up my mind, I would either lie to keep the peace, brush you off or withdraw.

She's afraid of losing her freedom because of the way you act.

Also, you keep complaining about her, you expect her to lead the relationship and reassure you all the time. You can't expect her to do that, you need to have enough self esteem to know what you want. Nobody wants to have deep emotional conversations all the time, it's draining. Don't expect her to be something she isn't. If you want deep feelings, try a Scorpio.


Like your opinion! Yes, I got the feeling that WE are too intense. She started it 3-4 months ago and yes, it was too intense for me too. Asked her at some point if she feels its too intense, she said she likes it intense. But probably wasn’t true, or not at that moment. Yes, she usually doesn’t know what she wants in life, she's been telling me all the time that she wants to change her job, but I don’t think she actually does something about it, or knows what she wants for sure. I know what I want, told her what my professional future looks like for me. Sometimes I get the feeling that she feels envy at me smile)) – told me that she sees stability with me.

What do you mean I don’t understand what she is saying? I know she loves me in her [damaged] way. I don’t want reassurance all the time, just for her to be more constant. I never asked her stuff like do you miss me, do you still love me. Never, that’s needy. We, both of us, used to say I love yous randomly, or not, and replied to each other the same. I admit, at times, I remind her that I want something more, like moving together. She used to say that we will see together how we proceed next or, that she wants it too. 3 months ago she was inundating my whatsapp with links to properties for us to move in! At one point I've told her that I don’t want to jump from one relationship to another in a matter of days (I had just broken it with my ex). After a month Aqua told me that that line was a big turn off for her. But wtf, what do you want, I was just out from a 2 year relationship?!

I don’t want either to have deep emotional convos all the time!! I am not like this! Yes, probably we both feel they are deep as they are not constant. They appear from time to time and when they do, very intense... I don’t need constant reassurance, all I want is normal small talk, but I am inclined probably for more than she is used to. That I admit. Constant communication.


What I meant is that I get the feeling you two communicate on different levels.

How about her child? She has a child, right? And one of you wanted to leave the country if I remember correctly.

Those are not small things.
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Yes, she has a child, who askes her about me all the time, even tells her stuff like "see, if you 2 would be together, you wouldnt have to deal with this, he would".

She wanted to leave the country, implied very subtle that she wanted with me. Now I dont think thats an option for the next 6 months probably.

Interesting what you said about the different level communication. Until 10 days ago, in my opinion we communicated on the same level, then she slowly backed away and then ghosted for 2-3 days. Then on Monday she calls me out of the blue, with a work pretext, chatted for 1h30 and we continue doing this now, BUT nothing about feelings, nothing about I miss you, I love you, doesnt ask me what I do, she just sends random pictures / texts about her. I usually initiate it. Yesterday I told her I love her, relating to something nice that she sent me some hours before. She replied with very sweeet and I love you too.

OK, I am seeing things which are not there, but I dont know what exactly: her feelings for me, or the fact that she is detaching herself emotionally, which is a process.

I feel that I want to ask her what is her deal, in a nice way though.
Just have fun, sex but don't marry her. I had an aquarius girl of 8 years. I always tried to be there for her, probably had put her on the pedastal too much and she left. Even at the end saying that it wasn't my fault, and that she wasn't ready for a relationship, like WTF? Girl, you waste my time for 8 years and now you are giving me bullshit of a reason? At least have the guts to be honest. I found them to be serial liars to get what they want and they stop at nothing. Now nearing 30, its almost time for me to settle down, I would never marry an Aqua. Just too much double standards, hypocrite and emotionally manipulative personality.