Aqua gone for good when everything was great?
This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by astrodood on Sunday, December 8, 2013 and has 8 replies.
I've been friendly with an aqua guy for 6 months now. He started chasing me (we r two guys). I'm out and he's in denial/bi. We have become intimate over the months but whenever we get close he backs off and gets grumpy and moody at me yet still wants to talk to me but basically he becomes an asshole to me. Really rough and angry. Then he'll have a great week of kindness then back to grumpy pants. He roundabout told me he liked me. He asked me and I said I liked him he was sweet for a day then became distant for two weeks and extra angry at me etc and grumpy. Also ended up seeing a girl in that period. He came back and we got closer again but still had his grumpy moody days towards me. Then last week he was sweet as and very attentive. Then the last day of the week he told me he needed to concentrate on work etc for awhile. I said no worries. I have 2 accounts on fb and he's on both. Next day he unfriend me on one account. All week he avoids/ignores but does contact me randomly to chat but he just ends up getting grumpy so we get nowhere. Now it's the end of the week and I post on fb that I'm out at a concert and he unfriended me completely. Cut me off. I haven't done anything nor annoyed him. I've given him space and let him come to me. We were getting so close now he's cut me off. :/ will he be back?
I can't be sure of anything but he was into all the gay stuff and even basically came out to me one evening and then denied it as we got closer....
Is he able of falling in love with a man? Romantic, obsessive love? Then he's most likely gay. From what you mentioned, it's very unlikely he's fallen in love with you, though.
He's very possessive/ jealous...always wanting to know who im hanging out with and who's coming over and stuff. He's very blunt about it. I'm more worried as to why he'd unfriend me completely on fb....is it a test to see if I'll panic and want him back or could he just had enough of me
How were you 2 getting close if the pattern of hot/cold kept continuing the whole time? Don't fool yourself. The sex, conversations & fun times may have increased, BUT his willingness to accept who he is, consistently treat you with respect & have control over his erratic emotions has NOT increased nor changed
He's going through all of the stages of someone who is depressed & in denial. If your expectations & perception of him is that he's "normal" then everything he's doing will seem irrational. But when you realize that he's really just a lost, depressed puppy, you'll start to see that given the state of mind he's in, he's doing everything "normal" of what a lost & depressed person would do
The constant push & pull game. The hot/cold game. The mind games. The silent treatment games. The emotional blackmail games. These are things that people who are lost, depressed & in denial do. So when you look at it from THIS angle, everything he's doing shouldn't be as surprising.
You can't expect a person who is lost, depressed & in denial to go about love and/or friendship as if they are not lost, depressed or in denial. It's impossible
Leave him alone. He's got a lot of inner demons & internal conflicts that have nothing to do with you. Ironically though, if you stay around, YOU will reap all the backlash & heat from HIS issues. You are like the punching bag that keeps getting hit even though his real beef & anger/confusion is with himself.
He will not stop doing these things until he finally reaches a stage in his life where he is comfortable with who he is. Plus, remember that him feeling the confusion/denial of coming out is just 1 demon he may be working with. He's still human just like all the rest of us & might have issues from the past that have nothing to do with his sexuality, that are still haunting him.
If you can't deal with the instability & inconsistency, then walk away for now & give you both some space. I'm not saying be done for good, BUT don't try to solve problems when the other person in the equation is not in the right mind to do so. If you try "Fixing" things during the "I just wanna be in denial" phase, you're just wasting unnecessary breath...you're beating a dead horse.
He's going through all of the stages of someone who is depressed & in denial. If your expectations & perception of him is that he's "normal" then everything he's doing will seem irrational. But when you realize that he's really just a lost, depressed puppy, you'll start to see that given the state of mind he's in, he's doing everything "normal" of what a lost & depressed person would do
The constant push & pull game. The hot/cold game. The mind games. The silent treatment games. The emotional blackmail games. These are things that people who are lost, depressed & in denial do. So when you look at it from THIS angle, everything he's doing shouldn't be as surprising.
You can't expect a person who is lost, depressed & in denial to go about love and/or friendship as if they are not lost, depressed or in denial. It's impossible
Leave him alone. He's got a lot of inner demons & internal conflicts that have nothing to do with you. Ironically though, if you stay around, YOU will reap all the backlash & heat from HIS issues. You are like the punching bag that keeps getting hit even though his real beef & anger/confusion is with himself.
He will not stop doing these things until he finally reaches a stage in his life where he is comfortable with who he is. Plus, remember that him feeling the confusion/denial of coming out is just 1 demon he may be working with. He's still human just like all the rest of us & might have issues from the past that have nothing to do with his sexuality, that are still haunting him.
If you can't deal with the instability & inconsistency, then walk away for now & give you both some space. I'm not saying be done for good, BUT don't try to solve problems when the other person in the equation is not in the right mind to do so. If you try "Fixing" things during the "I just wanna be in denial" phase, you're just wasting unnecessary breath...you're beating a dead horse.
He's having to come to terms with his homosexuality and may be resisting because he's not sure. You are a constant reminder that he is gay and he may not be ready to openly admit it. Be patient!!
Thanks guys, it all makes perfect sense. I'll back off and let him do what he needs to do, he knows where I am if he needs me. I've been very patient and understanding but the more I'm there for him and nice to him and show i care the more he gets grumpy and upset. It's draining. Thanks again!
I wouldn't advise you to wait unless you can emotionally afford to take the risk that he may never come around.
If you can honestly say to yourself that you'd be able to deal with the same thing 6 months or a year from now, then take that risk!
But if the truth is that you really can't take much more of this & that you'd be devastated if more time passed w/o different results, then spare yourself & remember to be your own best friend for once. You do people no justice/good when you're doing a half azz job as a friend b/c you're so tired from them wearing you out!!!
Some people never really "come out" of the closet. Some people never really do accept who they are. Some people never stop having those internal battles concerning their sexuality. Some people never really get it together until many months/years later.
The million dollar question is: Are you willing to take that risk, considering he has a 50% or more chance of still being the same inconsistent, draining person 6 months or 2 years from now? If the answer is no, then own that & don't apologize for it! The heart knows when it can't take the same thing too much longer.
It's very honorable that you're so loyal to him, but never forget that loyalty should always be served 1st to self.
If you can honestly say to yourself that you'd be able to deal with the same thing 6 months or a year from now, then take that risk!
But if the truth is that you really can't take much more of this & that you'd be devastated if more time passed w/o different results, then spare yourself & remember to be your own best friend for once. You do people no justice/good when you're doing a half azz job as a friend b/c you're so tired from them wearing you out!!!
Some people never really "come out" of the closet. Some people never really do accept who they are. Some people never stop having those internal battles concerning their sexuality. Some people never really get it together until many months/years later.
The million dollar question is: Are you willing to take that risk, considering he has a 50% or more chance of still being the same inconsistent, draining person 6 months or 2 years from now? If the answer is no, then own that & don't apologize for it! The heart knows when it can't take the same thing too much longer.
It's very honorable that you're so loyal to him, but never forget that loyalty should always be served 1st to self.
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