Aqua Guys 40 to 50

This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by Jolana on Tuesday, August 28, 2007 and has 54 replies.
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I Know most of you are pretty young.... Im 39...dating a 49 year old divorced for 10 years aqua male. Hot and looks 40.... smart successful and we have been together with a few breakups 2 years this coming nov. Its really possible he will never want a total commit or marriage- we both have kids from other marriages.. but how do you move forward with the older ones. I think hes always been a hit and runner.. since his marriage but I am a libra and I get him.. just dont want to do the wrong thing....but would like some suggestions on older aquas.. any patterns that I should expect or things that change with age... Male answers would be great- I need to say one thing- Im not needing marriage just would like some imput... hes a great guy I want to know how to keep making this work! lol
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Yea.. its probably a silly question but u know I really like this guy- hes a classic commit phob in so many ways.. but I realized so am I. I see the pattern on the younger aquas.. and the pattern they talk about with the libra women.. in a lot of ways are right concerning me... so thats why I have curiosity on the older aquas. I know he could be more attentive.. and that by now he probably should have said I love you... but theres a kid like manner to him...like he just doesnt know how to do it... -- however hes a strong man in business.. and hes smart so its tuff for me to believe that I throw him! He says things sometimes and I just know he thinks Im cool... the look.. I cant explain it. I just want to do what it is he needs to trust again and I needed to know older aqua traits so I could get a better understanding of the general sign...
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good luck Jolana, if he's commitment phobic, you won't get too far, this is a fixed sign, meaning he will hold on to his original thought for dear life, he won't let it go, if he has put it in his mind to never get hurt again he will do any and everything to not be hurt again, you would literally have to trick an Aqua this old into marriage or anything longterm, my mom a beautiful leo dated an older Aqua, good times but he wasn't going beyond b/f, she let him go after years of nurturing him, if you can understand he's NEVER going to change, then hey go for it but anything beyond...good luck with that.
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oh fyi, can't trick an Aqua into anything, this sign is CLEVER, jus be real with him, throw expectations out the door and have fun.
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Prime his bday is feb 18. I will tell you that he has run 3 times.. never lasted longer than 3 weeks.. and hasnt happened for a few months now. I really do respect him- he has a bad relationship with his ex- and no matter what he may have been like as a husband- she uses the kid to hurt him. That to me is childish. so yea he hasnt had too many successful relationships and he is a bit ummmm tuff to crack but I must tell you I just feel like I should be with him. That no matter how this turns out the time was fun and even though I wish he were here a lot more.. that without him at all would be wrong. So Im really just trying to take it as it comes and enjoy him. A few times he has said things like -- wow you havent changed since I met you - you know that... (almost like he expects a woman to suddenly go possessive or pscho..lol) he also said I never fail to surprise him.. theres always something new and that my conversations are like the forest gump line you never know what your going to get.... He hasnt introduced me to his family Ive met a couple of his friends.. and he enjoys his place or mine we really dont go out a lot..however we both have jobs that require going out so in some ways this is a mutual choice. I think the reason I am searching for some older aqua info is that I want to know how they mellow or if they ever do..I think he knows I will never hurt him.. but he doesnt do any boyfriend things like flowers or chocolates.. his eyes however sometimes say it all. I hope some of this makes sense I dont mean to ramble.. its just Im sortof happy- want to learn more.. and need to know how and what I might get with this crazy sign!! lol
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Sounds to me your doing just fine smile
btw, I dont think we're the flower and candy type...but like you said, his actions and eyes say everything.
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I think their is a huge contrast between a mature Aqua and immature Aqua , immature Aqua's hide and hardly express feelings, we simply have no capacity to do it, if an Aqua has done the proper soul searching he was put on this earth to do then he will have no problem expressing emotions, saying I love you etc it all boils down to who your dealing with on an emotional level.
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hmmm...my aqua bf used to have a hard time expressing his feelings, but since he has moved away, he tells me "i love you" at least two times a day. he is constantly verbalizing his love for me...but, it could be the distance that got to him smile
or it could be as tiki said, he is now a mature aqua!
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oh moonchild maturity plays a huge part in aqua's expressing love, he more than likely took the distance as an opportunity to work on himself and distance makes the heart grow fonder, kudos! Enjoy it!
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yeah, i seem to have that effect on men Winking
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tiki...yes, he did take an opportunity to really grow as a person when he moved and his life changed. he says he is finally at a place in life where he is happy with himself...which makes a HUGE impact on our relationship!
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aqua creatures get scared/overwhelmed when true love shows up, man you talk about the most uncomfortable feeling *ugh*
I give my leo all kinds of love now that I have worked all that negative junk out of my aura, I think i'm making up for all the years I wasn't able to express it, so he is getting all kinds of love and leos love love so I picked the right guy to spoil lol!
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yep you see how great a happy, spiritually grounded aqua can be in a relationship, we truly do wanna be loving towards our partners but as long as we feel inadequate it won't be good for the person thats in love with an aqua, if people allow aqua's the space and time to get comfortable within themselves, well everything opens up, aquas will love you like no other, I spoil my leo.... love him to death, jus give all kinds of love and have no problem expressing love whereas before you couldn't even get a hug, nonethe less a smile lol oh and don't even talk about saying i love you...I was jus emotionally unhappy and imbalanced person, thats how most aquas are which makes us so complex b/c on the outside we exude confidence and strength but internally we are tortured souls and good at hiding this part of us, because we truly are the nicest of the zodiacs in my opinion, maybe I'm bias b/c I'm an aqua,
I hug people, laugh with people, cry with people, girl I'm jus a big ole mush bowl lol!
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^^^i agree...tiki definitely has some wise words!
oh, and for the record, tiki...i told my aqua bf that i am not moving out there until i get that commitment. so, until then...
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"""Jolana...one thing that you will get lots of points for is to accept that his business/work/career comes first...that is on the top of his totem pole and don't you ever forget it, girl! He expects you to be as enthusiastic (if not directly involved) about his work/career related issues as he is even if it means he has to cancel plans with you. Perhaps you already know this...but can you live with it on the long-term is the question?"""
yea I can.. at the beginning of this relationship and really until this past january- I whinned a lot on this board. Due to the fact that it was scary for me- because I felt I was falling in love alone. Even though he is far from having a normal relationship- and I dont understand why he is still not able to spend a weekend or really even staying over nite is a big deal.. part of me knows he cares. I dont think Im kidding myself and just wanting to believe that- its odd its like I know.. but still want people to tell me Im right! lol -- theres an odd sense that he is out there even when I dont see him.. I can feel him.. and I know that sounds beyond stupid. In fact I felt so stupid when it started happening that I didnt mention it to my friends. --- when he comes over its like hes never been gone- and when hes away it feels like forever.. lol yep Im a mess and in love.. and Im good at avoiding that.. the libra in me loves a challenge but man this one has been like mt. everest!!! lol
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he's not staying over because he doesn't FEEL comfortable with you and he's not trying to be attached to you, remember aquas are good at HIDING emotions...little fyi, this sign is good at compartmentalizing EVERYTHING, time to start probing to find out what he needs. God bless people who fixate on Aqua's, we are so slow to catch on and if were not the ones fixating we seem to not really care about anything else...good luck Jolana.
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hey moonchild, girl I been neglecting you, gotta catch up with you, sorry honey, glad I was able to help you out and hit me back with some more good news!
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oh and moonchild you know why he picked up with those i love you's LOL!!
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yes, tiki...thank you!
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well we have been going out.. not all the time but better. And he calls every day- and he has been over twice a week now.. He has me helping him make up business cards and we cook at the house together- His last girlfriend broke up with him because he was boring- so frankly Im not sure he dates any other way..lol -- I know he was talking on the phone with his friend and he told his friend he was dating this women and shes a great cook.. meaning me.. but in your book Im not sure is that dating..?
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Well like Prime says it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks about but...
It sounds like aqua dating to me. NO distractions, just the two of you getting to know one another extremely well.
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no pity party here anymore- I feel like even if we eventually part ways.. he has brought me a great deal... and I feel like I was supposed to experience him.. that maybe even if we end up on different roads that I helped him too... I think hes surrounded himself with women who take.. hes a bit of a taker himself but I think we have given each other more smiles than heartache. I would never hurt him- Im a clean exit.. even with my ex so in that way maybe he will find that all women are not biotchs.. and maybe he will love someone.. When he calls I smile when I get a text Im happy... I will be more than heartbroken when and if this ends.. but the sadness would not include regret..ok Im way too serious now- far as the dating no we are not in a normal relationship... but I dont think he can be and not panic.. so I am just enjoying him. I would love to be more of a couple but thats where the adult decisions are in life.. I am choosing to experience him...
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If I did it was months ago...and I was at a different place then.. I was still new at dating... Is it a good thing or bad thing that I sound like her!! lol
by the way thanks for the inputs.. any words help - as I am on brand new territory... and I really like this guy issues and all... smile
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Oct 16th... I think I know more about aguas then my own sign!! lol
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Actually.. I was pretty sure what I wanted.. then I decided a few months ago to date around a bit- I found a nice guy who wanted a relationship- seemed sincere.. and would have been around me all the time. Oddly enough.. as soon as he started emailing me texting me (and this is with not even one kiss.. between us) I freaked. I realized that I really like the guy Im seeing.. that it felt wrong to even casually date another guy... that a guy around all day all nite would make me shiver or at least this one would.. so Im torn. I am I guess a bit helpless in how this relationship goes... because he has really no idea how to be a boyfriend in a lot of ways.. and I think his comment when I first met him that all his relationships end up a mess(he used a different word) is why hes so guarded.. I like him.. I enjoy him. He doesnt make me sad... he confuses me... if something is good- and hes happy which he is...I dont see the issue.. so Im looking for insight in how to handle him.. what to expect from other people who might feel like he does..another words I want to understand- so that I dont overreact or judge... thats all..
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all i can say is an aqua male this old will be hard to pin down, you have to have a strategy to push the relationship to the next level, can't teach an old dog new tricks
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oh and dream situation.. I would like to live with him. I think marriage is a man made legal money situation.. (for me not everyone..lol) so I dont need that.. but I like him enough to have him around.. that would be dream.. smile
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Jolana Jolana *shakes head* you were on track by dating other men, this would have threatened aqua man and pushed him to decide what part he wants you to play in his life...you owe aqua man nothing, he hasn't committed to anyone but himself even if he is spending time with you and I'm sure be it you know it or not he's seeing other women casually or have a few women lingering around for mental stimulation...air signs live for mental stimulation. You don't give a committment phobic man all your time and energy, if he's not completely available then why should you...oh I think you believe if you show him how open and emotionally involved you are towards the relationship he will change his mind...sorry to say that it's not going to go down like that.
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oh no he's not going to fight prime, but men that have commitment issues have to be gently pushed in a certain direction, I have helped a lot of women with these types, other men around her shows her desirability level, he needs to know he can be replaced, he will pick up his game, if she can understand a man's subconscious thoughts she can get her way with this guy, I don't expect every woman to pick up on this method, but as long as their is no immediate threat of loss, he will see no need to go any further than what they are currently doing ie FWB. He's attached to her and thats a good thing and he's attracted to her and thats a good thing, these things work in her favor...a lot of women are scared to stir the pot b/c of fear of loss, but you have to be willing to lose inorder to win.
He's complacent and okay with things the way they are, well do you think he's going to give her what she needs, hell no, because like most men they can be very selfish and don't want to change it up if it's working in their favor...she has needs too and it's time to get them met.
It's like this, she will soon begin to resent this man if she keeps giving and not getting her needs met in return, if he's not meeting your need to be beyond the scope of were you are with one another right now then your going to fall into an emotional deficit...your going to stick it out, hoping, wishing and CONVINCING and when that fails, you will become angry and resentful...time to get what you deserve...thats all i'm saying.
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men are hunters by nature, they are conquerors by nature, he's marked his territory, he's not going to easily walk away, jus doesn't happen and if he does, then well he wasn't that into her...men work and fight tooth and nails for things WORTH having this is inherently by nature a part of who they are...she needs to know if this guy feels she's worth the effort...if she's making it easy all the time, being too available, giving him his way all the time, well he's not working in the relationship, men don't appreciate things they don't have to work hard for, he's being pacified and that's not going to get her what she needs.
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well Prime I'm not here to debate it, we can agree to disagree...I have helped many women deal with men like this man and I haven't had one complaint yet, she can follow her heart and do what she needs to do. If she wants to play the convincer, then very well but I have played that part and it doesn't work and many women can attest to that...good luck Jolana (:
Stick in their Jolana but don't be suprised by the feelings of resent that will soon build...yes it's nice to be able to say I roughed it out and toughed it out but me being an Aqua female never gave too much thought to a person that fixated on me and tried to convince me, he's a fixed sign...get a strategy or get ready for a very long roller coaster ride.
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oh and dating doesn't mean sleeping with...she should date period, he's not a sure thing, he hasn't promised her anything, she's jus someone he passes the time with and likes being around and this category can be filled up easily with the next available woman, she has to get a strategy b/c she's attached and she's hoping and wishing...oh hell no, that's emotional hell b/c that can go on FOREVER...it's time to be pro-active and stop hoping and wishing.
okay I'm done playing Joan Of Arc LOL!!
I jus get passionate about women who aren't getting what they need, I was one of them...I know how that feels.
sorry Jolana...I get carried away, I really do wish you luck and happiness (:
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sorry prime, but tiki is right...i can vouch for that smile
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yeah...it's all one big learning experience!!!
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I agree with tiki on 99.9 percent of men.. thing is with this one.. I think hes the master of find a reason to walk.. or without knowing it he does things that just most women wont deal with- he will survive alone.. and he may. So Im not giving in.. or avoiding what I want - but I am more inclined to think Prime is correct... Men who are jaded and yet really decent guys.. can sometimes do jerko things out of reflex. I think a combo of both of you is probably needed. I know tiki is saying why bother when theres 500000000 guys out there.. well truth is everyone has issues...every women every man.. but you dont have chemistry and you dont fall in heavy like love all that easy... at least I dont. So I want to give this a true chance. Like I said I dont have a agenda.. marriage kids.. so this is about being with someone I enjoy... hes it. I am looking for how hes thinking and feeling though so I can not overreact or run myself! Thats why I hoped an aqua guy a bit older might tell me what not to do!!
Tiki... you are right about one thing- eventually it wont be ok.. to just be this casual.. so I do respect what you have said.. but this guy is too old to play games with.. hes too smart.. and I respect him too much... I would rather lose him then play...
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I hear you Jolana and I agree with you totally but remember this, no woman has ever gotten what she wanted by being passive, if he's that afraid and jaded well it won't be anything your doing or saying to make that change, if he's that afraid then he's going to run NO MATTER what you say or do...commitment phobic men don't rollover and give in jus because a woman is pacifying him in some way. I promise you he will leave you when you least expect it, he will come back when you least expect and he will leave again...that's what they do
No I'm not saying play games with this man, all women should date until a man has decided a commitment is inorder (it's a matter of choice). Get a strategy before his ass gets scared and starts running. I'm not saying leave him, I'm saying don't be ignorant like 95% of the women out here are being, their is a way to make a commitment phobic man commit, throw what you think you know out the door...
What happens when you give your all and he decides well I'm done, I'm through, I have hit a brick wall with this woman, HE'S A MAN, he instinctively know what you want through your actions, he will not give in to your needs by you simply going along, thats what women tell themselves, If I jus stick it out, he will see it my way, if I jus tap dance and tip toe around his egoistic defaulted warped little boy scared mindset regarding relationships and agree with him he will see it my way...but honey it doesn't work that way...get a strategy, start learning what his needs are, you have been with him long enough to know what he needs, see if you can fulfill them and if you can't open your mind to other possibilities...you say your not playing games but you are...your playing his game...Have you ever thought of it in that way?
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I can see your in love with this guy and your not ready to rock the boat so to speak...sorry if I come off as aggressive, I tend to do that, humbly apologize in advance...jus passionate
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Tiki33 and unusualcancer
I'd just like to say you two are amongst the most thoughtful and eloquent posters on here with regards to relationships, I enjoy reading your honest and empathetic posts. (i must be tipsy) hell no why not pay some-one a compliment when its due instaed of all the insults that get carelessly thrown around.
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geordie...i second that ^^^
both tiki and UC always have words of wisdom to share, and they should be complimented for that smile
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you guys are great... I am learning a lot and the comments you guys make really help me think through things- its easier to make educated decisions on how to move forward when you get to hear all the responses. We spent from noon till seven tonight together.. He is an extremly smart man and I do like him as a person... a few comments ago one person said that a passive women will not get what she wants.. i Dont think Im passive - I think Im patient.
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Jolana, I am a 41 yr. old Aries dating an Aqua who is 43 for a few months now. His moon is in Libra and he has had his fair share of painful past relationships which has definately impacted our relationship. He says he wants a relationship but always seems to keep himself distant. I do confront him about it although he tells me how much he hates confrontation. I hate confrontation too but realize that relationships especially new ones require a bit of negotiaion to discuss your needs. I do it rationally and explain myself as to why I am not being as affectionate or as nice I once was because of how he distances himself. He does not like to hear it but then I let him know how he told me how important honesty was to him, that my reaction was based on he was reacting to me. He always considers and evalutes what I say and if there is a basis for it, will be willing to apologize and validate what I need.
I don not think Aquas are unkind or unfeeling types, they need to be appealed to in a rational sense. If you can put into words and rational thinking what you are feeling, they will respond. Never be afraid to confront, but remember confrontation should not be so emotionally charged even though you may feel that way. Try to do it gently and with logic, they will appreciate it and respond accordingly. Give them time to think it over if need be but never be afraid especially since you have been seeing him for 2 years to voice your needs. It may be what he wants to hear from you because from what I have experienced, my Aqua doesnt mind me taking intiative sometimes.
Wish you all the best!
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Hi Mistery!
I've never seen you before. Welcome to DXP!
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Thanks Cappy! I am so glad to have found DXP!
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"Btw, my Aqua tells me he loves me every day in words as well as actions, so that I love you thing is not true for all Aquas, I don't think. Just something I thought of..."
anotherscorp...my aqua is the same way. always telling me he loves me...but, he started saying "i love you" to me within 5 months of us dating. it wasn't hard for him to express his love to me. so, i think everyone is just different...
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My aqua also tells me he loves me daily and is very emotionally expressive. More so than me probably and i am a cancer. Not all Aquarian men are emotionally retarded...lol!! But i do think this is only possible for them when they have complete trust in you and the relationship. Any doubts and they close right down.
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true^^^
they must not have ANY doubts...and then, you are good smile
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i think that the doubts stem from insecurity within themselves...so, if they are emotionally mature and comfortable with who they are, they can be comfortable with you and they will let their true emotions show.
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moonchild aqua=take a risk...
fyi for some who care to know...a sure fire/quick way to gain aqua man's trust is to let him know a deep secret...remember we see EVERYTHING, we feel unspoken words, aquas understand the unspoken, some of us are acute at feeling your pain (I pick up on wounded souls quickly) we hear EVERYTHING you say even when we don't seem like we are listening, aquas use intellect, gather information, we watch your behavior, how you sleep, how you walk, aquas will pick your brain to know everything about you without you even knowing it, if he feels your holding back, not sharing the good bad and ugly well he will simply doubt you and not give his all to you. We intrinsically know and feel not all is perfect, defects appeal to our humanitarian nature to give love.
the quickest way to an Aqua's heart is to Share a deep secret and he will trust you and he will never tell or throw it up in your face, you don't have to be perfect with an aqua and I think a lot of women are afraid to show who they are, now don't dwell on it and be a sick puppy with it but look him in his eyes and be strong and spit it out, he will respect you for it.....this is a sign you don't have to be perfect with...well that's what an aqua man is waiting for (:
I agree don't wait on an aqua for anything, make up your mind and go for it...
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be direct, no whining...
be emotionally open, tell the truth, we see through half truths and lies fairly quickly.
no clingy, needy behavior
give the illusion of space and freedom by mirroring his aloof behavior, if he's ignoring well you ignore, if anyone knows an aqua...we absolutely abhor being ignored.
be his friend, tell him things you wouldn't share with others.
kick us in the ass when we are jus out of line, a good scolding isn't so bad from time to time...don't be afraid to come back and talk to us like it never happened...we will allow you back in we are warped like that (:
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Hello everyone. Great advice and insight smile. Have been looking at this board recently as I just started dating a dreaded Aqua!!! little did i know how infuriatingly addictive and abnormal (sorry no offense meant esp to tiki an primeval)they are, hahaha mine is just like a typical Aqua male hence me stumbling upon this site. Good luck to all you fellow sufferess of the Aqua male enjoy the fun an games. An thanks all you Aquas for the great advice. As I'm finding out most def a different breed from the rest of the signs!!!
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