Aqua, his aqua ex-wife and me, a gemini

This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by Aria on Saturday, May 11, 2013 and has 10 replies.
So today, the aqua's ex wife added him on facebook. With her lst name still the aqua's last name. I was surprised. I realized it was probably the reason why he deactivated his account last night and created a new one with a different name and added only me in it. Anyway, I felt something strange was going on but I'm not really the type who would ask. So this morning, he was acting weird again and then told me that maybe he needs to reactivate it in the mean time. Upon reactivating, I saw the newly added girl which was his ex and I got a message from him about it. This time I decided to ask a bit. I asked why she's using his last name and what the real status is. He explained himself and said he's not lying to me that they are separated. He said his ex might have done it for their 6-year old son so he won't be confused. He told me he will email her and bcc me and tell her about me. I didn't ask him to do it. I was passive but at the same time I wanted to know where I stand. I wasn't even sure if I was a mistress left unaware that I was.
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He emailed the girl and bcc me and he said he wants to see his son on the 20th and that also he's found a new girl and was asking what she thinks about it. Reason being is that he wants me to meet his son too. She replied and said "sure you can. Who is she?" And we were both discussing whether or not to tell her who I am. Ofcourse, it's scary. But also, I felt she needs to know. I told him to give her my name. Not sure if he did. Probably not because the girl would just go crazy searching for me and I told him, it's ok as long as she doesn't go to my office and get me in a hair pulling incident.
For some reason, I wasn't emotional about this. I didn't feel bad nor did I cry or get angry. It was like I understood. I believed him. Moreover, I didn't care if he leaves or if he stays with me. What had been running in my head all this time was "if he's for me, he's for me. We have a wonderful thing. We don't fight, we give each other freedom, we laugh together. If that's not enough to keep him, then so be it". It's strange because if this haappened when I was younger, I would have panicked, gotten angry and walked away. Is this love? Is this acceptance? Is this being careless? Also, did I do the right thing not to message his ex-wife and confirm their status even if he told me I can because he's got nothing to hide?
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Also, he mentioned to me that because of his email to her, he screwed up every freaking chance to get back with her and that's exactly what he wanted. That recently, he was seduced and that something almost happened between them but since he's 36, he resisted it because he just don't want another kid with her, he's more sensible and he feels he would never get back with her again. Of course I do not believe it 100 percent. I felt something must have happened. But is there any going back after that? Should I get angry or move on from it anyway, I never forced him to stay with me. I am giving him his freedom of choice. But he always comes back. Sweeter, better. Am I doing the right thing here? Is there an angle of this situation that I haven't taken grasp of?
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I am thinking about that too... I do want to walk away. Now. It's crushing me. They've been separated for 3 years and had relationships within that period. I just don't know how to act normal now. I feel weird about myself. Like I'm exhausted. I'm not trusting. But then, what if I'm wrong? It's difficult. Sad
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Walk away. I was engaged to an Aqua man. His ex-wife was an Aqua and they were long divorced before I came into the picture. She was fine with him dating other women because she deemed them to be beneath her. But, lo and behold when I came on the scene she got threatened and tried to ruin his military career. It was a hot mess. He dumped me and ran back to her and his son to be a family again.. Within weeks he was begging me to take him back. Seriously, run.
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@firewater: in your situation, were you made aware of what was going on or did he keep it as a secret from you?
@feb16: I was thinking about that wait a bit thing. We have such a wonderful thing. If I were to walk away now, isn't that being impulsive? I have a feeling that I can trust him possibly why I was being passive about it initially. Aqua women, I love them. My bestfriend is one. Btw, he was born feb 3rd, she was january 22nd and I'm may 23rd. smile
@scorp: that's pretty much similar to what my mom said. There is a child involved and cutting ties totally is impossible. If I want him, it's a package deal including the kid and the fact that he'd have to communicate with his ex-wife every now and then. I wasn't jealous at all until I thought to myself, why wasn't I when in fact, if it was the younger version of myself, I would have? Maybe something is wrong with me for saying that I deeply understand this thing. But at the back of my head, I do understand it. I'm not being blind/masochistic here. But there is a 6 year old kid who doesn't understand the situation and he is involved. So as much as I'd like to say "Babe, I hate it when you talk to your ex" or "stop seeing her with your son" it's like asking him to treat them as dead...
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Wait. They've been separated for three years. Why aren't they divorced yet? Red flag!!!!
That said, he is being 100% honest with you. He told her about you. He bcc'ed you on all his e-mails with you. THAT says a lot about how he feels about you!
So, I wouldn't confront him, but I would have an honest, non-emotional, rational conversation with him and ask him about all this.
Still, the thing that bothers me is he isn't divorced after a three year separation. I would DEFINITELY ask about that. What is the hold up?
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Posted by firewaterearthpiscesvenus
Walk away. I was engaged to an Aqua man. His ex-wife was an Aqua and they were long divorced before I came into the picture. She was fine with him dating other women because she deemed them to be beneath her. But, lo and behold when I came on the scene she got threatened and tried to ruin his military career. It was a hot mess. He dumped me and ran back to her and his son to be a family again.. Within weeks he was begging me to take him back. Seriously, run.


I've been there too with a previous aqua I dated. When he came back, things were different for me and I didn't take it seriously. I still dated other people (he knew I was) and eventually found the aqua I'm with now. We no longer have contact.
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Posted by truecap
Wait. They've been separated for three years. Why aren't they divorced yet? Red flag!!!!
That said, he is being 100% honest with you. He told her about you. He bcc'ed you on all his e-mails with you. THAT says a lot about how he feels about you!
So, I wouldn't confront him, but I would have an honest, non-emotional, rational conversation with him and ask him about all this.
Still, the thing that bothers me is he isn't divorced after a three year separation. I would DEFINITELY ask about that. What is the hold up?


I meant he copied you on all his e-mails with HER.
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@truecap: he's a brit, me and his ex-wife are asians . In the country where we're at, divorce doesn't come easy nor annullment. So most of the time, what happens is that people here just separate physically. He gives child support monthly. And we discussed about us having kids, that it wouldn't be a problem for us financially. I told him last night that I fear I might feel bad when his ex makes comments on his posts so this morning, I saw that he hid those posts where she commented so I won't see it. At least he is doing something so I won't get hurt even more.
This morning, he asked how I am and I said I'm good and I told him it's Mother's day and he should greet his mom. He did and he gave me a hug after. I hope we will be ok soon. I was too shocked that she came out bearing his last name after many years.
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