Aquanman advice
This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by piscesgirl77 on Sunday, October 6, 2013 and has 35 replies.
Hi, I'm looking for some advice. I feel pretty silly even asking about something so vague but it's been doing my head in. Basically my aqua crush used to live in the same town as me - we were clearly attracted to each other but he was in a relationship. I always just 'knew' that we'd meet single again some day and last Jan he was back for a week and single and after a week of him obviously enjoying my company he finally kissed me and we had a night of fab passion. I was hooked but that same week he was moving far overseas for work so I wasn't expecting to ever see him again, but he'd stay in touch over FB, not much but every few weeks or so he'd message. Our banter is great, we really make each other laugh and there is so much chemistry. He let me know he was coming back to town for a week and we were hooking up all week, not just sex but having dinners together, lots of conversation, affection enjoying each other's company. When I'd kiss his cheek he'd smile and vice versa.
But now he's gone again and of course I can't expect anything cos he doesn't know when he'll be back but it's just that I haven't even heard from him since he left and it's hurting my feelings. I'm sick of checking my phone every 5 flipping minutes to see if he's messaged me. From what I've read on Aquas that's normal. My head says I'll never hear from him again but my heart says we both felt the same and maybe he's protecting his heart by not initiating contact. I've messaged him once and he responded immediately but then I got chatty and got no response and I felt pretty silly.
I know this is stupid but i can't stop thinking about him and I'm trying to keep busy and all that but I keep getting sad that he could just forget me so quickly. I just want a 'Hello, how are you' - am I mental?
But now he's gone again and of course I can't expect anything cos he doesn't know when he'll be back but it's just that I haven't even heard from him since he left and it's hurting my feelings. I'm sick of checking my phone every 5 flipping minutes to see if he's messaged me. From what I've read on Aquas that's normal. My head says I'll never hear from him again but my heart says we both felt the same and maybe he's protecting his heart by not initiating contact. I've messaged him once and he responded immediately but then I got chatty and got no response and I felt pretty silly.
I know this is stupid but i can't stop thinking about him and I'm trying to keep busy and all that but I keep getting sad that he could just forget me so quickly. I just want a 'Hello, how are you' - am I mental?
Let him do his thing... It sounds like he likes you so he will probably come back and see you again. What does he do overseas?
He's an engineer.
You're not mental lol.
There's a pisces girl in my heart too. It's just it can't be, no for the moment and not for the foreseeable future. Some Aquas are good at accepting this so just cherish the bond and the memories. Don't let it get you down.
No contact is very normal I think. At least from my perspective I don't want to create an illusion of hope and let you keep on living like I never existed.
There's a pisces girl in my heart too. It's just it can't be, no for the moment and not for the foreseeable future. Some Aquas are good at accepting this so just cherish the bond and the memories. Don't let it get you down.
No contact is very normal I think. At least from my perspective I don't want to create an illusion of hope and let you keep on living like I never existed.
I know, but he's in my head and my heart now and it just hurts that if I'm not hearing from him at all that must mean that he's not thinking about me at all - I realise that's not necessarily the reality but I'm a typical Pisces girl so I'm sensitive.
Why can't you be with your Pisces?
Why can't you be with your Pisces?
I'm based in Australia and she's in Germany. The distance itself is why we sort of never wanted to admit our feelings in the first place. Not sure if it's stubbornness or lack of foresight or just not caring but we ended up being together for a while.
I really do consider her my twin flame.
Anyway, I have my family here and responsibilities things that I just can't drop to go after romance. She needs to focus on her university degree back in Berlin. We agreed it's for the best.
I really do consider her my twin flame.
Anyway, I have my family here and responsibilities things that I just can't drop to go after romance. She needs to focus on her university degree back in Berlin. We agreed it's for the best.
Well I guess that is a pretty huge distance.
I like what you said though about cherishing the bond and the memories, I need to do that instead of feeling sorry for mysef. Damn though, there are NO men around here for me and he rocked my world.
I like what you said though about cherishing the bond and the memories, I need to do that instead of feeling sorry for mysef. Damn though, there are NO men around here for me and he rocked my world.
I know what you're feeling and yeah it sucks. I sometimes wonder if it's the piscean nature. I won't lie because there are at times where I pine to have those days back and being with her. It's hard not too when that connection is so otherworldly.
Anyway *hugs* seeing the beauty of it is always better.
Anyway *hugs* seeing the beauty of it is always better.
Ok can I be honest with you for a second?!
1. Remember that men are different than women. Just b/c you felt a chemistry & naturally want more than friendship doesn't mean that a man will automatically want more even if he's feeling that same chemistry.
2. I don't think he's ignoring you b/c he's an Aquarius. Leave astrology out of this. he's ignoring you b/c he knew going in that there'd be no point in allowing himself to get to a certain level of vulnerability or emotions with you since he knew long ago that he'd be moving. Men have great mind control, moreso than women do
3. Of course you can't stop thinking about him. You went ahead & willingly did things that you know as a woman encourage you to attach to someone. You shouldn't have done that if you yourself knew that he was leaving. Why put yourself in situations that drum up your emotions if you can't really do anything with those emotions later on?
4. Have you ever considered that he's just not that into you? Just b/c a guy sleeps with you, takes you out & has fun with you doesn't mean that he feels the same way about you as you do him. Always assume that if a guy wants to talk to you, he will make the effort & the time to. Always assume that if a guy wants more than friendship, he will make that clear & tell you. Better to assume the worst & be pleasantly surprised that you were wrong vs. being na??ve & having the moment that you're having all b/c you realized that maybe you were the only one who was up in the clouds.
5. For some men, they can like you all day long, but if they have already made the decision that too much distance isn't something they'd deal with, that decision is usually final & will over-ride any feelings they have for her. Why lead you on by continuing to talk to you if he knows that doing so will probably make you attach & want to become something that he either doesn't wanna be (your man) or isn't prepared to do?
Never assume the other person feels as strongly as you do unless they are SHOWING you (vs. only telling) you so
1. Remember that men are different than women. Just b/c you felt a chemistry & naturally want more than friendship doesn't mean that a man will automatically want more even if he's feeling that same chemistry.
2. I don't think he's ignoring you b/c he's an Aquarius. Leave astrology out of this. he's ignoring you b/c he knew going in that there'd be no point in allowing himself to get to a certain level of vulnerability or emotions with you since he knew long ago that he'd be moving. Men have great mind control, moreso than women do
3. Of course you can't stop thinking about him. You went ahead & willingly did things that you know as a woman encourage you to attach to someone. You shouldn't have done that if you yourself knew that he was leaving. Why put yourself in situations that drum up your emotions if you can't really do anything with those emotions later on?
4. Have you ever considered that he's just not that into you? Just b/c a guy sleeps with you, takes you out & has fun with you doesn't mean that he feels the same way about you as you do him. Always assume that if a guy wants to talk to you, he will make the effort & the time to. Always assume that if a guy wants more than friendship, he will make that clear & tell you. Better to assume the worst & be pleasantly surprised that you were wrong vs. being na??ve & having the moment that you're having all b/c you realized that maybe you were the only one who was up in the clouds.
5. For some men, they can like you all day long, but if they have already made the decision that too much distance isn't something they'd deal with, that decision is usually final & will over-ride any feelings they have for her. Why lead you on by continuing to talk to you if he knows that doing so will probably make you attach & want to become something that he either doesn't wanna be (your man) or isn't prepared to do?
Never assume the other person feels as strongly as you do unless they are SHOWING you (vs. only telling) you so
And this guy is showing you that he doesn't feel as strongly!
Yes, he's getting your texts. No, his phone didn't fall in the toilet. No he's not SOOOOO busy that he can't take 2 seconds out of his day to send you a response.
Some people believe that if you feel that once in a lifetime connection that NOTHING will stop you from being with or leaving that person. Welp, if you believe in that mentality, at the very LEAST, you know that if he felt you were that 1 in a lifetime girl for him, he wouldn't be ignoring you or doing ALL of the very things that men do when they are showing lack of interest.
He may or may not come back. He may or may not really like you as he's said (but not necessarily shown the minute he skips town)
Either way, that doesn't change the end result in that you are now being ignored & feel silly. He's no dummy; he knows that women hate being ignored. He also knows how women take certain things in a negative light when they are ignored. But yet, that was a risk he was willing to take, so what does that tell you?
What a man does/how he treats you/how he acts when he's AWAY from you & out of your sight is more telling than who he is/what he says/what he does when he's in your face. If for him, you're the girl that's "out of sight, out of mind," then it'd be wise for you to pull back your feelings & expectations from this guy? Why b/c if you continue to have expectations of him, you'll continually live this moment of disappointment. And that is not productive to your being or sensibilities as a woman
I feel for you though. However, I'm also like girl what the hell were you thinking!????! When you have all of that fun, sex & chemistry with a man of course you're gonna want his azz & attach to him faster than you know it! That's cool if the guy has proven himself or lives near you! But not when you knew ahead of time that he'd be leaving & that he has a history of losing contact with you! You set yourself up for this one!
Yes, he's getting your texts. No, his phone didn't fall in the toilet. No he's not SOOOOO busy that he can't take 2 seconds out of his day to send you a response.
Some people believe that if you feel that once in a lifetime connection that NOTHING will stop you from being with or leaving that person. Welp, if you believe in that mentality, at the very LEAST, you know that if he felt you were that 1 in a lifetime girl for him, he wouldn't be ignoring you or doing ALL of the very things that men do when they are showing lack of interest.
He may or may not come back. He may or may not really like you as he's said (but not necessarily shown the minute he skips town)
Either way, that doesn't change the end result in that you are now being ignored & feel silly. He's no dummy; he knows that women hate being ignored. He also knows how women take certain things in a negative light when they are ignored. But yet, that was a risk he was willing to take, so what does that tell you?
What a man does/how he treats you/how he acts when he's AWAY from you & out of your sight is more telling than who he is/what he says/what he does when he's in your face. If for him, you're the girl that's "out of sight, out of mind," then it'd be wise for you to pull back your feelings & expectations from this guy? Why b/c if you continue to have expectations of him, you'll continually live this moment of disappointment. And that is not productive to your being or sensibilities as a woman
I feel for you though. However, I'm also like girl what the hell were you thinking!????! When you have all of that fun, sex & chemistry with a man of course you're gonna want his azz & attach to him faster than you know it! That's cool if the guy has proven himself or lives near you! But not when you knew ahead of time that he'd be leaving & that he has a history of losing contact with you! You set yourself up for this one!
Woah, harsh. But fair.
Would you much rather a group of people tell you "Ohhh don't worry honey, men ignore you b/c they are secretly in love with you!"
That's what we all wanna hear during these moments right?!
I was hoping you posted this thread for the cold truth, not soothing lies
I didn't mean to sound harsh. Just that I feel so bad for women in these situations b/c it almost always ends up with the guy getting what he wanted while the girl is at home all confused, possibly feeling used & feeling silly for giving all of herself only to get half of a man in return.
My goal was to help you man up, suck it up, learn your lesson & come up with a plan of what you'll do differently the next time you're put in this situation with this same guy OR another guy. And sometimes manning up means being hurtfully truthful with self!
Been there, done that honey
That's what we all wanna hear during these moments right?!
I was hoping you posted this thread for the cold truth, not soothing lies
I didn't mean to sound harsh. Just that I feel so bad for women in these situations b/c it almost always ends up with the guy getting what he wanted while the girl is at home all confused, possibly feeling used & feeling silly for giving all of herself only to get half of a man in return.
My goal was to help you man up, suck it up, learn your lesson & come up with a plan of what you'll do differently the next time you're put in this situation with this same guy OR another guy. And sometimes manning up means being hurtfully truthful with self!
Been there, done that honey
I'm not saying he's the scum of the earth!
Just saying that if you didn't know before, now you know for sure that this guy has it in him to take your time, body & energy & not give it back in return all b/c he skips town.
If you realize that he has that potential to hurt you within him, trust me, you'll think twice next time about having a passionate short-term fling with him or any guy b/c you'll be in tune with yourself & know that as a woman, you'd get attached & possibly be the only 1 up in the clouds when it's all over
I'm hoping that this feeling you're feeling is bad enough that it convinces you not to make this same mistake twice.
Just saying that if you didn't know before, now you know for sure that this guy has it in him to take your time, body & energy & not give it back in return all b/c he skips town.
If you realize that he has that potential to hurt you within him, trust me, you'll think twice next time about having a passionate short-term fling with him or any guy b/c you'll be in tune with yourself & know that as a woman, you'd get attached & possibly be the only 1 up in the clouds when it's all over
I'm hoping that this feeling you're feeling is bad enough that it convinces you not to make this same mistake twice.
I disagree that's the cold truth. I shared my experience and it's not really what you described at least not some of the harsher points. It makes sense but it is NOT truth.
To avoid the discussion of experience as a form as advice I will say my experience isn't advice it is merely one of the possible situations as it is dealing with Aqua men and what WE feel given this scenario. Considering our nature making the best assumption.
And as an Aquarian I loathe assumptions. If advice is ever given I sincerely say it is based on the description of current events and realising it's a one sided story and in any case if necessary it is always better to ask from the source, which is him.
There's a very big different between actual harsh realities and MAKING it a harsh reality. I've not taken a hint of exactly what happened as so far I only know she cares for him a lot and he travels a lot. So given another take, Aqua man being a man of few words with his feelings I can also go really warm and fuzzy and say he might be building a future and building a foundation for this relationship.
Neither is truth.
And as an Aquarian I loathe assumptions. If advice is ever given I sincerely say it is based on the description of current events and realising it's a one sided story and in any case if necessary it is always better to ask from the source, which is him.
There's a very big different between actual harsh realities and MAKING it a harsh reality. I've not taken a hint of exactly what happened as so far I only know she cares for him a lot and he travels a lot. So given another take, Aqua man being a man of few words with his feelings I can also go really warm and fuzzy and say he might be building a future and building a foundation for this relationship.
Neither is truth.
This is what I call calm after the storm. When aquas overexpose themselves to one person, then they want some time away from that person to recharge. I do that too. I'll hang out and have fun with a person for a whole week straight, but then I must go in isolation time because I need/require time alone with myself and I can't stand seeing the same person over and over again. I need some time apart. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. This is both for friendship and romance.
He hung out with you non-stop when he was in town. Now that he's gone, he's just recharging and once that is done, he'll contact you
He hung out with you non-stop when he was in town. Now that he's gone, he's just recharging and once that is done, he'll contact you
the aqua man i knew always wanted to be with me. Never have me leave his side. So i guess it is different with every aqua man. Some aqua men don't run away. Some actually do stay by your side. It really depends on the man.
I'd say that the dominant air ones, yes they are very much need space, because they need to breathe.
I'd say that the dominant air ones, yes they are very much need space, because they need to breathe.
Posted by aquasnoz
To avoid the discussion of experience as a form as advice I will say my experience isn't advice it is merely one of the possible situations as it is dealing with Aqua men and what WE feel given this scenario. Considering our nature making the best assumption.
And as an Aquarian I loathe assumptions. If advice is ever given I sincerely say it is based on the description of current events and realising it's a one sided story and in any case if necessary it is always better to ask from the source, which is him.
There's a very big different between actual harsh realities and MAKING it a harsh reality. I've not taken a hint of exactly what happened as so far I only know she cares for him a lot and he travels a lot. So given another take, Aqua man being a man of few words with his feelings I can also go really warm and fuzzy and say he might be building a future and building a foundation for this relationship.
Neither is truth.
Well according to your own theory, everything you're saying now is nor or there true either. If it's unfair or untrue to assume that an Aqua man who disappears is a bad thing, it's just as true or unfair to assume that an Aqua man who disappears is a good thing.
I didn't say that my opinion was absolutely what was going on. I would never say that. I gave a theory & possibility from 1 perspective & broke down why I choose that particular perspective in responding to this thread. That is it.
And if it turns out that my perspective was right & is exactly what's going on, then everything I said WAS the harsh truth. Harsh b/c it's not what any woman wants to hear & truthful b/c that's actually what happened
It's a matter of wording for me personally. As I said what you say make a lot of sense I've never disagreed with it. But saying it's truth is false and misleading and really it was just that one sentence:
As to whether who's perspective is more relevant yeah I do think it's a bit pointless which is why I never disagreed with yours.
Posted by krysrenee7
I was hoping you posted this thread for the cold truth, not soothing lies
As to whether who's perspective is more relevant yeah I do think it's a bit pointless which is why I never disagreed with yours.
I understand what you are saying
Perhaps my wording gave that impression which wasn't my intention, nor is it my goal to engage in or play word games.
My perception of the details the poster gave was that when a man ignores you AFTER having just had sex with you & spending time with you, it's probably not good news. The keyword though was AFTER.
It's kinda like the person who used to answer their phone for you every day, but then the minute they borrow money from you & it's time to pay it back, they disappear. No Buenos!
I wouldn't feel comfortable telling a woman that it's a GOOD thing when a man ignores your advances to get in contact with him. That is what I meant by telling a soothing lie. And I'd gladly debate anyone who perceives being ignored as a good thing or a good sign. Sorry
Perhaps my wording gave that impression which wasn't my intention, nor is it my goal to engage in or play word games.
My perception of the details the poster gave was that when a man ignores you AFTER having just had sex with you & spending time with you, it's probably not good news. The keyword though was AFTER.
It's kinda like the person who used to answer their phone for you every day, but then the minute they borrow money from you & it's time to pay it back, they disappear. No Buenos!
I wouldn't feel comfortable telling a woman that it's a GOOD thing when a man ignores your advances to get in contact with him. That is what I meant by telling a soothing lie. And I'd gladly debate anyone who perceives being ignored as a good thing or a good sign. Sorry
Nah I also refrain from the warm and fuzzy. I'll admit to being an optimist but that isn't really realistic I just feel I couldn't conclude with the information that was given.
I've said myself before if a person means a lot to me then I'll will dedicate time to them even if there's distance. Relating to the original story we both took breaks from contact for a while before reestablishing it but the circumstances are a bit different in that I don't actually get to see her anymore so things are a bit easier to swallow.
It might be my own belief in Aquarius as well. I've always found 'us' to be prone to fixation. For myself I find it hard to have multiple interests in women. When distance is presented as a factor the out of sight out of mind perspective applies. Not in the sense I don't care for her but in that there's not much I could do to make the other person feel better. In that instance I may seem a lot warmer and affectionate in person than not.
Much of it really does carry bias I feel but if it helps now there are a few perspectives for the OP to consider
I've said myself before if a person means a lot to me then I'll will dedicate time to them even if there's distance. Relating to the original story we both took breaks from contact for a while before reestablishing it but the circumstances are a bit different in that I don't actually get to see her anymore so things are a bit easier to swallow.
It might be my own belief in Aquarius as well. I've always found 'us' to be prone to fixation. For myself I find it hard to have multiple interests in women. When distance is presented as a factor the out of sight out of mind perspective applies. Not in the sense I don't care for her but in that there's not much I could do to make the other person feel better. In that instance I may seem a lot warmer and affectionate in person than not.
Much of it really does carry bias I feel but if it helps now there are a few perspectives for the OP to consider
Yes, different perspectives, all interesting and thank you all. When I said 'harsh but fair', I do mean your comments were fair, but just harshly put. That's not me criticising you, I just use that expression a lot.
He did the same thing after the first time we hooked up cos I brought him to the airport and we spent about 2 hours cuddled up together chatting and canoodling so I was like 'Well that can't have been just sex, was it??' and then didn't hear from him for about a fortnight so I was a bit hurt and wrote him off, like 'Ah well, I guess it was'. Then I did hear from him, he just said sorry it took so long to get in touch and then we just went into this banter thing whenever he'd get in touch so I knew even though he was really far away he was keen to see me again, whenever that was going to be.
I'm feeling harder about him now, like 'F him', but i know if I hear from him my stomach will flip.
He did the same thing after the first time we hooked up cos I brought him to the airport and we spent about 2 hours cuddled up together chatting and canoodling so I was like 'Well that can't have been just sex, was it??' and then didn't hear from him for about a fortnight so I was a bit hurt and wrote him off, like 'Ah well, I guess it was'. Then I did hear from him, he just said sorry it took so long to get in touch and then we just went into this banter thing whenever he'd get in touch so I knew even though he was really far away he was keen to see me again, whenever that was going to be.
I'm feeling harder about him now, like 'F him', but i know if I hear from him my stomach will flip.
Aquarius09 - can I ask if you've ever gotten in trouble for that? Has anyone expressed shock or hurt or anger that you've gone into isolation time? Just curious.
Posted by krysrenee7
I wouldn't feel comfortable telling a woman that it's a GOOD thing when a man ignores your advances to get in contact with him. That is what I meant by telling a soothing lie. And I'd gladly debate anyone who perceives being ignored as a good thing or a good sign. Sorry
I agree. 99% of the time its a bad thing when a man ignores you for more than a couple of days, regardless of sign.
If he's not coming back within one year (coming back meaning settling down within 100 miles from you), then forget him.
The best way to get a man out of your head is to get another one in. Concentrate on finding this man, instead of trying to predict the future with the one who's got away.
I'm a Pisces as well and thanks to Neptune sitting on my Moon-Sun conjunction (for the next 7 years!) I fall in love recently more than ever. Last year I've dated the most beautiful, challenging and attractive man I ever been with (a Cap). Now I'm with the most easy-going, adorable, funny and supportive man I've ever been with (an Aqua).
Keep your options open, there are diamonds somewhere in the mud!
The best way to get a man out of your head is to get another one in. Concentrate on finding this man, instead of trying to predict the future with the one who's got away.
I'm a Pisces as well and thanks to Neptune sitting on my Moon-Sun conjunction (for the next 7 years!) I fall in love recently more than ever. Last year I've dated the most beautiful, challenging and attractive man I ever been with (a Cap). Now I'm with the most easy-going, adorable, funny and supportive man I've ever been with (an Aqua).
Keep your options open, there are diamonds somewhere in the mud!
Posted by piscesgirl77
Aquarius09 - can I ask if you've ever gotten in trouble for that? Has anyone expressed shock or hurt or anger that you've gone into isolation time? Just curious.
My ex gave me a lecture time to time about being selfish and thinking about myself only. He said that when you are in a relationship, you need to think "we" and not "I". He was pretty clingy, which I never anticipated from a Libra.
When I become friends with someone, initially, these friends have a hard time adjusting to this momentary withdrawals I have. The needy ones whine, irrespective of gender. Once the friendship deepens or rather solidifies, then they don't care because my behavior is mundane to them.
In friendship, it's not so burdensome because friends get used to my withdrawals. However, in romantic relationship, it's brutal!
Posted by aquarius09Posted by piscesgirl77
Aquarius09 - can I ask if you've ever gotten in trouble for that? Has anyone expressed shock or hurt or anger that you've gone into isolation time? Just curious.
My ex gave me a lecture time to time about being selfish and thinking about myself only. He said that when you are in a relationship, you need to think "we" and not "I". He was pretty clingy, which I never anticipated from a Libra.
When I become friends with someone, initially, these friends have a hard time adjusting to this momentary withdrawals I have. The needy ones whine, irrespective of gender. Once the friendship deepens or rather solidifies, then they don't care because my behavior is mundane to them.
In friendship, it's not so burdensome because friends get used to my withdrawals. However, in romantic relationship, it's brutal!
click to expand
I look at it as there is consistency withing the inconsistency. The more you get to know an aqua (and I have a lot of aqua friends), they less the withdrawals bother you because it becomes routine and expected. I know yall don't like being predictable, but truthfully, it does become predictable.
*dodges the stones and arrows*
Oh I'm keeping my options open, don't worry about that. It's just my stupid brain won't stop thinking about this one man. FFS! I never took any notice of star signs until a few years ago when I went out with another Pisces and we were so like what the better 'readings' of what our relationship said we would be like. We were way too alike. My next man was a Gemini and again the predictions/assessments/whatever you want to call it, were so accurate. And this guy seems a pretty typical Aqua. It's pretty interesting to read up on. I used to think it was all bullshit.
I moved from a big city back to a small town though and am finding the lack of available men hard which I suppose makes my fixation worse as there aren't any distractions for me. I'd like to meet another Aqua cos besides the disappearing act part I think he's good for me in the lack of intensity and exhausting emotional outbursts that I've become used to from a man. And I have a tendency towards depression and hiding away and need someone who'll pull me out of that.
I moved from a big city back to a small town though and am finding the lack of available men hard which I suppose makes my fixation worse as there aren't any distractions for me. I'd like to meet another Aqua cos besides the disappearing act part I think he's good for me in the lack of intensity and exhausting emotional outbursts that I've become used to from a man. And I have a tendency towards depression and hiding away and need someone who'll pull me out of that.
Don't worry girl...
Every woman has had that 1 guy that just has that effect on her. Even if the guy is a total jerk. Even if he was the last guy we ever expected.
I think you are attached to the feeling he gives you & not the rest of the situation. i.e. you're thinking about the smaller picture vs. the bigger picture
I can't speak for others, but I'm NOT telling you to completely dismiss your feelings/admiration for him. You can't help what you like. What I AM encouraging you to do though is to not only look at things 1 sided. YES you guys had a lot of fun & a good connection BUT the flip side to that is that he disappears, leaves you hanging for long periods of time, then to add insult to injury all he can say at the end of it all is a plain "sorry."
My point is that the PRIZE YOU PAY for a few nights of fun is allllllllllllllllll these other nights (like right now) that you're feeling confused, lead on, used & disappointed. That means the disadvantages outweigh the advantages
With that being said, encourage yourself to move on & to disconnect the cord that gives me him some kind of emotional power over you. Don't just intellectually agree that you need to move on; emotionally believe it to. That way, you won't be worried about whether he comes back or not b/c it won't matter if you don't plan on being his "plaything" when/if he does come back
Every woman has had that 1 guy that just has that effect on her. Even if the guy is a total jerk. Even if he was the last guy we ever expected.
I think you are attached to the feeling he gives you & not the rest of the situation. i.e. you're thinking about the smaller picture vs. the bigger picture
I can't speak for others, but I'm NOT telling you to completely dismiss your feelings/admiration for him. You can't help what you like. What I AM encouraging you to do though is to not only look at things 1 sided. YES you guys had a lot of fun & a good connection BUT the flip side to that is that he disappears, leaves you hanging for long periods of time, then to add insult to injury all he can say at the end of it all is a plain "sorry."
My point is that the PRIZE YOU PAY for a few nights of fun is allllllllllllllllll these other nights (like right now) that you're feeling confused, lead on, used & disappointed. That means the disadvantages outweigh the advantages
With that being said, encourage yourself to move on & to disconnect the cord that gives me him some kind of emotional power over you. Don't just intellectually agree that you need to move on; emotionally believe it to. That way, you won't be worried about whether he comes back or not b/c it won't matter if you don't plan on being his "plaything" when/if he does come back
Posted by truecapPosted by aquarius09Posted by piscesgirl77
Aquarius09 - can I ask if you've ever gotten in trouble for that? Has anyone expressed shock or hurt or anger that you've gone into isolation time? Just curious.
My ex gave me a lecture time to time about being selfish and thinking about myself only. He said that when you are in a relationship, you need to think "we" and not "I". He was pretty clingy, which I never anticipated from a Libra.
When I become friends with someone, initially, these friends have a hard time adjusting to this momentary withdrawals I have. The needy ones whine, irrespective of gender. Once the friendship deepens or rather solidifies, then they don't care because my behavior is mundane to them.
In friendship, it's not so burdensome because friends get used to my withdrawals. However, in romantic relationship, it's brutal!
I look at it as there is consistency withing the inconsistency. The more you get to know an aqua (and I have a lot of aqua friends), they less the withdrawals bother you because it becomes routine and expected. I know yall don't like being predictable, but truthfully, it does become predictable.
*dodges the stones and arrows*click to expand
LOL! I'm actually glad that it becomes predictable with friends because it's like they know you then. When someone knows you, they accommodate your personality flaws ad that's a great feeling
Lovers don't know you or even if they do, they just don't want a person who pulls the rug from under them spontaneously like Aquas do. The unpredictability is in disappearing, it's not so much becoming accustomed to how aqua are.+1
I hate that I came off as harsh or even a negative Nancy but I just think it's dead wrong to tell a woman that it's a GOOD sign when a man disappears. I damn sure won't ever let that come out of my mouth if he disappears for long periods of time
However, I don't think they should talk about anything b/c this is 1 of those situations where I think his actions speak for themselves & tell the story. Plus, even if she did call him out on it, he might not respond (would add more salt to the wound) or be dishonest, which would be misleading to her b/c she's still in that phase of the clouds where she'd accept from him what she WANTS to hear.
I don't think she can handle intimacy/sex with him if there's no consistency in other areas like communication too, nor should she be ok with that! Men look at how we respond to their crap that they know good & damn well is crap, & those messages we send as women tell a man how he can treat you going forward.
The WORSE thing she can do is let him back in her pants/her heart b/c he'll probably have some "place" he's gotta travel to again & he'd just disappear again. Had this happened once, ok maybe it's not such a bad thing. BUT this has become a pattern now. I don't think she should wait & see if he'll do this again.
If she lets him back in again after she gave him the impression that the damn FIRST time he disappeared was ok, the question isn't why would he disappear....the question would be why wouldn't he?!
I hate that I came off as harsh or even a negative Nancy but I just think it's dead wrong to tell a woman that it's a GOOD sign when a man disappears. I damn sure won't ever let that come out of my mouth if he disappears for long periods of time
However, I don't think they should talk about anything b/c this is 1 of those situations where I think his actions speak for themselves & tell the story. Plus, even if she did call him out on it, he might not respond (would add more salt to the wound) or be dishonest, which would be misleading to her b/c she's still in that phase of the clouds where she'd accept from him what she WANTS to hear.
I don't think she can handle intimacy/sex with him if there's no consistency in other areas like communication too, nor should she be ok with that! Men look at how we respond to their crap that they know good & damn well is crap, & those messages we send as women tell a man how he can treat you going forward.
The WORSE thing she can do is let him back in her pants/her heart b/c he'll probably have some "place" he's gotta travel to again & he'd just disappear again. Had this happened once, ok maybe it's not such a bad thing. BUT this has become a pattern now. I don't think she should wait & see if he'll do this again.
If she lets him back in again after she gave him the impression that the damn FIRST time he disappeared was ok, the question isn't why would he disappear....the question would be why wouldn't he?!
Wise words but I just disagree with the bit on him 'disappearing' - that's his job, he doesn't have control over that and he's in a pretty cool part of the world - I wouldn't turn it down either! It's not like I turned around and he'd just legged it!
I wouldn't initiate a conversation with him unless he came back but then I'd have to if we're both single cos like you say I'd need to know what his intentions are then.
I really hope I didn't give him any impression about my tendency to get down sometimes - we spent the whole time laughing and smiling and I like to keep that side hidden from everyone.
I definitely have a better perspective of it now, thanks everyone. If there are any more wise words I'm always interested. You're all very articulate!
I wouldn't initiate a conversation with him unless he came back but then I'd have to if we're both single cos like you say I'd need to know what his intentions are then.
I really hope I didn't give him any impression about my tendency to get down sometimes - we spent the whole time laughing and smiling and I like to keep that side hidden from everyone.
I definitely have a better perspective of it now, thanks everyone. If there are any more wise words I'm always interested. You're all very articulate!
Well, he did get in touch, out of the blue, and like predicted with Aqua behaviour it was like nothing was wrong whatsoever, just cute nice flirty banter, and of course my heart went BOOM and any thoughts that I was mad at him went out the window.
@Ceu
I understand a lot of your points
However, sometimes you've gotta look at the big picture
Someone can be all that & a bag of chips but if they're not on the same page as you, willing to go to the same level as you or not considering you a high priority, then the BIG picture is that it won't work. Bottom line
Actions will always speak louder than words, just like body language will always tell a more genuine story than sly words. Yes, sometimes a person's explanation can be true & make a difference, BUT this guy doesn't fit under that category b/c every time this situation happens, he comes back as if nothing happens...i.e. he completely sweeps it under the rug as if communicating to her his actions aren't a priority to him either
So in cases like this, over-analyzing is not necessary. Sometimes you've just gotta trust what you're seeing, use your common sense, listen to your gut, & use your street smarts to make a decision. Waiting on someone else to give you all the answers or closure may be something that you wait forever for, sometimes.
Hell this guy may be madly in love with her! BUT it doesn't matter if he can't communicate, can't acknowledge his actions (or lack of) that hurt others & doesn't prioritize you b/c the BIG PICTURE is that there are 2 people who want different things & that are on 2 different pages. When has 2 people in this situation EVER worked w/o something drastically changing?
As long as she's not a priority to him, she will always get from him what she's always got. If what she's gotten hurts & if he's made no attempts to right his wrongs, her hanging on would be extreme bad judgment & self-torture
Sometimes you've just gotta say ok, I was wrong about you, & move on.
I understand a lot of your points
However, sometimes you've gotta look at the big picture
Someone can be all that & a bag of chips but if they're not on the same page as you, willing to go to the same level as you or not considering you a high priority, then the BIG picture is that it won't work. Bottom line
Actions will always speak louder than words, just like body language will always tell a more genuine story than sly words. Yes, sometimes a person's explanation can be true & make a difference, BUT this guy doesn't fit under that category b/c every time this situation happens, he comes back as if nothing happens...i.e. he completely sweeps it under the rug as if communicating to her his actions aren't a priority to him either
So in cases like this, over-analyzing is not necessary. Sometimes you've just gotta trust what you're seeing, use your common sense, listen to your gut, & use your street smarts to make a decision. Waiting on someone else to give you all the answers or closure may be something that you wait forever for, sometimes.
Hell this guy may be madly in love with her! BUT it doesn't matter if he can't communicate, can't acknowledge his actions (or lack of) that hurt others & doesn't prioritize you b/c the BIG PICTURE is that there are 2 people who want different things & that are on 2 different pages. When has 2 people in this situation EVER worked w/o something drastically changing?
As long as she's not a priority to him, she will always get from him what she's always got. If what she's gotten hurts & if he's made no attempts to right his wrongs, her hanging on would be extreme bad judgment & self-torture
Sometimes you've just gotta say ok, I was wrong about you, & move on.
Surely the big picture here is that we are on different continents and that in a year we've spent less than one week together and don't know when we'll see each other and he still does keep in contact!! What would you expect under those circumstances?! I was looking for I guess some chat about this being usual Aqua behaviour and apparently it is.
Now if we were living in the same town and I wasn't sure what was going on I definitely would not stand for it and would definitely initiate a 'What are we doing here?' conversation very quickly, but I was not expecting a long-distance relationship here as given the amount of time he's been away and will be away and the distance we're talking that would just be stupid. From what people here have said it does sound like he's being pragmatic and that makes sense to me. If I only heard from him when he was back in town I wouldn't be so foolish as think I meant anything to him as I'd feel like his booty call but he's stayed in contact all this time, albeit inconsistently. But when he is contact he's very sweet and his language makes it clear he does like me for me, not for s*x. If it was just s*x I wouldn't expect him to stay in touch.
Now if we were living in the same town and I wasn't sure what was going on I definitely would not stand for it and would definitely initiate a 'What are we doing here?' conversation very quickly, but I was not expecting a long-distance relationship here as given the amount of time he's been away and will be away and the distance we're talking that would just be stupid. From what people here have said it does sound like he's being pragmatic and that makes sense to me. If I only heard from him when he was back in town I wouldn't be so foolish as think I meant anything to him as I'd feel like his booty call but he's stayed in contact all this time, albeit inconsistently. But when he is contact he's very sweet and his language makes it clear he does like me for me, not for s*x. If it was just s*x I wouldn't expect him to stay in touch.
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