Aquarius bf is being distant, how to handle it?
This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by pisces1213 on Thursday, March 21, 2013 and has 19 replies.
So Ive been with my Aqua guy for almost 5 years now. Things have been great but of course we've had our differences like most couples. So 3 months ago he went away to study abroad for a semester. We're doing the whole long distance thing for a few more months and its actually been easier than I thought it would be. However one weekend he went out on a trip with a group to visit another city and when he got back I kind of got pretty jealous and started yelling at him. I knowwww I knowww that was so not good of me, but Im a Pisces and its really hard for me to hold my emotions in sometimes. I just realllly miss him because I havent seen him in so long and got jealous that he was going out drinking all weekend with other people and I couldnt be there.
I know it was stupid of me and I regret it but now he's distanced himself from me and doesnt want to talk about it. Granted its only been 4 days but he has just been so cold and mean that Im not used to it. This has happened maybe 5 times in the 5 years we have been together so it still throws me for a loop. I freaked out and sent him a bunch of emails apologizing and begging him to forgive me (I have finals this week so I was trying reallly hard to get him to not drag out the fight so I could focus) but I think it just pushed him away even more.
Also when we I was mad at him I told him that I dont want him to be hanging out with girls alone and yada yada. I said he could go in groups but not one on one with girls. Apparently that was really wrong to say because thats what set him off. That I was putting restrictions on him. The thing is though...HE is the one who has been putting restrictions on me this whole time. He told me that if I want to be with him then I cant hang out with out mutual guy friends unless he is there (he doesnt trust some of them because a few hit on me). Also he told me he really wasnt comfortable with me going to my best friends birthday party in another city because "there would be a lot of guys sleeping in the same hotel" and he couldnt go.
I respected his wishes because I knew that I would be uncomfortable too if he did that and I ended up getting in a huge fight with my friend because of it. HE tells me that I cant hang out alone with guys and I took that as normal and not a big deal because I figured it was an obvious request. However when I told him that I dont want him hanging out alone with girls he freaks out on me! Its not fair that he gets to tell me what to do and th
I know it was stupid of me and I regret it but now he's distanced himself from me and doesnt want to talk about it. Granted its only been 4 days but he has just been so cold and mean that Im not used to it. This has happened maybe 5 times in the 5 years we have been together so it still throws me for a loop. I freaked out and sent him a bunch of emails apologizing and begging him to forgive me (I have finals this week so I was trying reallly hard to get him to not drag out the fight so I could focus) but I think it just pushed him away even more.
Also when we I was mad at him I told him that I dont want him to be hanging out with girls alone and yada yada. I said he could go in groups but not one on one with girls. Apparently that was really wrong to say because thats what set him off. That I was putting restrictions on him. The thing is though...HE is the one who has been putting restrictions on me this whole time. He told me that if I want to be with him then I cant hang out with out mutual guy friends unless he is there (he doesnt trust some of them because a few hit on me). Also he told me he really wasnt comfortable with me going to my best friends birthday party in another city because "there would be a lot of guys sleeping in the same hotel" and he couldnt go.
I respected his wishes because I knew that I would be uncomfortable too if he did that and I ended up getting in a huge fight with my friend because of it. HE tells me that I cant hang out alone with guys and I took that as normal and not a big deal because I figured it was an obvious request. However when I told him that I dont want him hanging out alone with girls he freaks out on me! Its not fair that he gets to tell me what to do and th
moment I give him restrictions he freaks out! Wtf? So what exactly do I do? He is avoiding me and doesnt want to talk about it. He just makes me feel like a crazy psycho when he's been doing the same! So do I just avoid him and give him space until he comes back to me? And then avoid the subject until a later time when we are in a better mood? How long does it take for an Aqua to come back after a fight? Also, he had said some pretty threatening words when he got mad. Stuff like "Its too late, its not fixable, etc." I asked him if he was breaking up with me and he said he was just feeling depressed and venting so I shouldnt take it that way. But Im scared that he's just saying that cause I have finals.
I just feel a break up would be so random because just two weeks ago he was telling me that he doesnt think we're ever gonna break up because he's so happy with us. That whole break up sounding talk just came out of nowhere. Even though he said it wasnt, it still shook me up. So all in all, any advice on this situation? How to handle it? How long to wait until emailing him if I dont hear back soon? Or just avoid him completely until he comes to me?
I just feel a break up would be so random because just two weeks ago he was telling me that he doesnt think we're ever gonna break up because he's so happy with us. That whole break up sounding talk just came out of nowhere. Even though he said it wasnt, it still shook me up. So all in all, any advice on this situation? How to handle it? How long to wait until emailing him if I dont hear back soon? Or just avoid him completely until he comes to me?
He sounds kind of selfish because he does things that he forbids you to do & that's unfair. With that said, I get where he is coming from...in his mind the other girls a really JUST FRIENDS and the other dudes are hitting on you, so the situations are different.
My advice to you is to leave him alone to cool down, bombarding him with e-mails will prolong the cooling down process because you are not giving him thinking space. Another thing, put your foot down and tell him to 'whoa' with the rules he is imposing on you. A couple should have equal previleges & if he has a free access to things then you also should...you arent his wife. And if you were, you are not a child to be told what to do, thats a sign of being a bully tbh. Stand your ground & demand equal treatment. Good luck to you.
My advice to you is to leave him alone to cool down, bombarding him with e-mails will prolong the cooling down process because you are not giving him thinking space. Another thing, put your foot down and tell him to 'whoa' with the rules he is imposing on you. A couple should have equal previleges & if he has a free access to things then you also should...you arent his wife. And if you were, you are not a child to be told what to do, thats a sign of being a bully tbh. Stand your ground & demand equal treatment. Good luck to you.
Thanks, yeah I already pointed it out but he ignored me cause he's in his crappy mood. It probably doesnt bother me as much as it does him because i dont mind losing a bit of freedom in a relationship compared to how I guess Aquas do. But yeah, it should be more fair.
Can I ask what your moon and mars placements are? Out of sheer curiosity!
I'll just say when an Aqua says something like not breaking up and then go a bit quiet doesn't mean he doesn't care about you but probably realise just due to the difference there's nothing much that can be done.
I think both him and me have our moon and mars in capricorn. Yeah, but relationships are about work and just saying "there's nothing to fix" is insulting to me. If he's so easy to dismiss it and not care to work on it then thats just rediculous. Im sure there's something that everyone can work on in their relationship and with themselves.
Well point out the obvious truth to him if you haven't. Aquas hate it when people do that but it allows them to see the truth of their action but I would leave it all until he comes back and that you are done with your finals. This is pretty much unwanted drama for either of you.
The communication needs to be clear between pisces+aqua combos that much I do know because it can get foggy real quick. It's too far to feel anything from him. Use your gift of feeling when you see him in person and then make the judgement call.
The communication needs to be clear between pisces+aqua combos that much I do know because it can get foggy real quick. It's too far to feel anything from him. Use your gift of feeling when you see him in person and then make the judgement call.
Men always have double standards. Always have, always will.
Lol no I have never driven to his place in desperation cause he wouldnt talk. Earlier in our relationship I did make the mistake of texting a bunch and calling non stop all freaked out but hey I was younger and never really been in a relationship before. I probably now just send him like 3 emails throughout the day saying "sorry ....and are you over it yet?" Lol I prob shouldnt send anything at all but I can be so impatient sometimes. He never actually ever tells me he wants space he just starts ignoring me so Im not totally sure if he wants space or deep down he wants to watch me beg.
*sigh* quote fail.
anyway, I would yell at him too if i were in your shoes. I don't know, i can't hold in my emotions either so I'm gonna yell and let it all out. I dont blame you for telling him to stop hanging out with girls, how would he like it if you did that?
but yeah he isn't your husband YET, you aren't married but still, if you are in a relationship he needs to realise how it's hurting you. So inconsiderate of him.
anyway, I would yell at him too if i were in your shoes. I don't know, i can't hold in my emotions either so I'm gonna yell and let it all out. I dont blame you for telling him to stop hanging out with girls, how would he like it if you did that?
but yeah he isn't your husband YET, you aren't married but still, if you are in a relationship he needs to realise how it's hurting you. So inconsiderate of him.
Glad Im not over exaggerating completely then lol. I dont really mind if he goes out with a group of people and there are girls there, Im just uncomfortable with him going out alone with a girl that I dont know. He hasnt done it yet but he was implying he wanted to just cause he's been gone for 3 months and hasnt made any friends yet so he's desperate to just hang out with anyone. I dont know if other people would care if their significant went out to eat or drink alone with another person. Maybe we're both just a lil posessive haha, I dont know if my request was resonable or too restricting
asshole!
Posted by pisces1213
Glad Im not over exaggerating completely then lol. I dont really mind if he goes out with a group of people and there are girls there, Im just uncomfortable with him going out alone with a girl that I dont know. He hasnt done it yet but he was implying he wanted to just cause he's been gone for 3 months and hasnt made any friends yet so he's desperate to just hang out with anyone. I dont know if other people would care if their significant went out to eat or drink alone with another person. Maybe we're both just a lil posessive haha, I dont know if my request was resonable or too restricting
that's too weird and red flag if he wants to go out to eat alone with someone. What? Is it a business meeting with your boss? Is it someone who needs to tell you their dirty deep dark secrets like hiding a body? What the heck does he NEED SO badly that he needs to do that without you along?
nope it's not restricting or unreasonable. I'm super jealous and super possessive, so hell yeah, get the dog leash and tighten that suckah. (not literally but metaphorically)
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he will be AMAZED and afraid....but he'll be fascinated by you.
he will be AMAZED and afraid....but he'll be fascinated by you.
Lol no everyone from study abroad got assigned a buddy who lives there and goes to school with them to show them around and visit them if they need advice or help so my aqua guy got some girl. They already met up and she showed him around the campus so he was thinking about asking her to show him where all the good spots are to eat since he feels pretty lost over there and doesnt know how to order. It sounds reasonable to me but I cant help but get jealous ha.
Posted by pisces1213
Lol no everyone from study abroad got assigned a buddy who lives there and goes to school with them to show them around and visit them if they need advice or help so my aqua guy got some girl. They already met up and she showed him around the campus so he was thinking about asking her to show him where all the good spots are to eat since he feels pretty lost over there and doesnt know how to order. It sounds reasonable to me but I cant help but get jealous ha.
OH HELL NO!
Tell him you're coming along. That's right....you go along.
When you do come along, you grab his hand and sneakily smile at the girl, "Yeah that's right...HE'S MY BOYFRIEND!" Got it? GOOD!
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