Baby steps
This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by virgo28 on Friday, April 4, 2008 and has 46 replies.
Well my aqua told me she misses me for the first time i never thought i would hear that from her not this soon.
I'll take you back to the first time i told her i missed her she bascially ignored my text and i never brought that up. To me it's too childish to bring up me sending a text saying i missed you but you never returned my text i just let it go.
anyway yesterday i send her a text it wasnt too mushy i've learned from so many people on the board to not be too emotional with aquas. I sent a text saying i was jelouse and i needed some of her time it seemed like everyone else was getting her time and i missed her geniune company and convo. She surprised me by sending me a text saying Awww she missed me 2 and when she gets home from out of town she wants to see me. I really like this girl and when she said that it just melted my heart.
This is a big step right aquas? i know how u hate to put your emtions out there
She's out of town so i'm giving her space was i wrong for not calling today?
i was busy and plus she is out of town i didnt want to be all in her space because it was her moms bday.
I'll take you back to the first time i told her i missed her she bascially ignored my text and i never brought that up. To me it's too childish to bring up me sending a text saying i missed you but you never returned my text i just let it go.
anyway yesterday i send her a text it wasnt too mushy i've learned from so many people on the board to not be too emotional with aquas. I sent a text saying i was jelouse and i needed some of her time it seemed like everyone else was getting her time and i missed her geniune company and convo. She surprised me by sending me a text saying Awww she missed me 2 and when she gets home from out of town she wants to see me. I really like this girl and when she said that it just melted my heart.
This is a big step right aquas? i know how u hate to put your emtions out there
She's out of town so i'm giving her space was i wrong for not calling today?
i was busy and plus she is out of town i didnt want to be all in her space because it was her moms bday.
Oh you're definetely on the right track! Generall, Aquarians are the LAST ones to reveal their feelings. When an Aqua actually starts to express emotions to someone, that means their potential partner (you) is doing something right. Just be careful though. You might feel like dishing out alot more of your emotions since you've already got past step one with her, but be careful not to OVERWHELM her with all of these emotions. Generally, we open up & respond with "I love or miss you too" Only if we feel that way about someone at the time & once they've opened up to us first. But if you start coming out with other emotions now that she may not have for you yet, she might feel overwhelmed & might see you as the clingy type. We're weird, when we aren't really 'feelin' someone, we have a way of distancing ourselves from those who even express the littlest emotions for us. But when we actally like someone & can actually see them as potential, we want to hear all the flattery, because our biggest fears as Aquas is loving someone more than they love us. We hate liking something or chasing something more than it likes us (which is why we play it safe & allow the other person to "go first"
When you first sent her a text, she probably ignored it because she didn't know how to respond or because she might've felt that her vulnerability was being tested. She probably thought about it, thought it out & tuned into her own emotions (realizing that she in fact missed you too) & that's why she took the initiative to send you the same 'I miss you' to you w/o even realizing how shut out she made you feel when you first opened up to her.
In my opinion, you're on the right track! The first time we open up to someone starts the stepping stone for us opening up to that person from then on out! Good luck
When you first sent her a text, she probably ignored it because she didn't know how to respond or because she might've felt that her vulnerability was being tested. She probably thought about it, thought it out & tuned into her own emotions (realizing that she in fact missed you too) & that's why she took the initiative to send you the same 'I miss you' to you w/o even realizing how shut out she made you feel when you first opened up to her.
In my opinion, you're on the right track! The first time we open up to someone starts the stepping stone for us opening up to that person from then on out! Good luck
krysrenee7 your the greatest i so value your advice i swear your always answer all my concerns i thank you so much for that.
krysrenee7
Just be careful though. You might feel like dishing out alot more of your emotions since you've already got past step one with her, but be careful not to OVERWHELM her with all of these emotions.
lol i wish i knew this before i sent ther a text today. We were basicaly talking about how she was doing and what did she get her mom for her bday. She told me she was out with her now and her mom wanted this really expensive bag and she said that's what she's gonna get her. I respond by saying your a great daughter and im going to let you have your family time so i'll call you later on my way to work because i want to hear your voice.
lol back to being an aqua the only thing she responded to was "yes i am". as in yes i am a great daughter, she didnt even acknowledge the fact that i said i wanted to hear her voice but that's big to me i guess it was something small to her.
krysrenee7
i make sure to give her plenty of space i know this week she's with her family so i try to make sure she atleast hears from me every other day.
krysrenee7
Just be careful though. You might feel like dishing out alot more of your emotions since you've already got past step one with her, but be careful not to OVERWHELM her with all of these emotions.
lol i wish i knew this before i sent ther a text today. We were basicaly talking about how she was doing and what did she get her mom for her bday. She told me she was out with her now and her mom wanted this really expensive bag and she said that's what she's gonna get her. I respond by saying your a great daughter and im going to let you have your family time so i'll call you later on my way to work because i want to hear your voice.
lol back to being an aqua the only thing she responded to was "yes i am". as in yes i am a great daughter, she didnt even acknowledge the fact that i said i wanted to hear her voice but that's big to me i guess it was something small to her.
krysrenee7
i make sure to give her plenty of space i know this week she's with her family so i try to make sure she atleast hears from me every other day.
Well PATIENCE is the best way to keep sane when dealing with an Aqua. And we know this too; we know we can be difficult, sometimes distant, etc. but generally the people that we always end up with are the people that were interested in us ENOUGH to keep patience with us. Like I said, Aquarians are good at sending mixed signals (which is not good & may not be because of something YOU personally did); you just need to know how to read through them. The fact that she expressed herself missing you is a good thing; hold on to that & let those words be your motivation to keep talking to her. In our minds, when we're dating someone we're constantly watching our wording when we communicate. We don't want to sound too vulnerable, but then again we don't want to seem to distant & cold hearted (because we actually do have feelings & we're constantly trying to prove to people that we actually DO have feelings like everybody else). If I were you, I'd bring up in a 'slick' way how she kind of blows off certain things that you say & she how she responds. This may sound weird & backwards, but if she gets automatically defensive, that might be a good thing. That means she's fighting her true feelings & may not feel ready to tell you how she feels (But that doesn't mean the feelings aren't there though). The most important focus for you should be to make sure that alteast the feelings ARE THERE; then the rest becomes a matter of how to get her to express them & that varies...If she's been through hell and back with other guys, it might be a little harder to get her to open up, but if she's knew to the game, that's a different story.
Believe it or not, Aquarian women love a man that isn't afraid to show his feelings BUT at the same time, doesn't appear to be "on us" too hard. Just give her her space for the weekend. The fact that she's sharing with you her plans (which Aquarians normally don't tell random things unless we want you to know because it's OUR way of little by little inviting you into our lives), is a good thing. Just be patient. Try to express your feelings, just don't be too direct because Aquas love someone who is creative (and being too direct isn't exactly a unique & creative way to "break us in"
Believe it or not, Aquarian women love a man that isn't afraid to show his feelings BUT at the same time, doesn't appear to be "on us" too hard. Just give her her space for the weekend. The fact that she's sharing with you her plans (which Aquarians normally don't tell random things unless we want you to know because it's OUR way of little by little inviting you into our lives), is a good thing. Just be patient. Try to express your feelings, just don't be too direct because Aquas love someone who is creative (and being too direct isn't exactly a unique & creative way to "break us in"
krysrenee7 i understand what u mean about being creative it works me both of us because i dont want to directly tell her how i feel because i got shot down in the past. I see i gonna have to play little fun games with this girl it's so hard because i really like her. The funny thing is the first time we went out i was totally myself i didnt care what came out my mouth. But now that i've gained feeling for her it seems like i'm not really myself i kinda get nervous alot. The fact that i told her i liked her and she responded by saying we were just friends really bothered me. I've learned not to read too much into that because her actions spoke different. The following day after i spilled my guts she had called me and text me telling me she wanted to come over. I thought this was werid because most people would be frighting after someone just revealed themselves to you but you didnt return those same feelings. Anywho When i told her i missed her i didnt come straight out with it i just told her that i was jelouse and need some of her time it seemed like everyone was getting it but me. I also said that i missed her geniune company and convo. I didnt come straight out and said i missed you plus the fact that i did it out of nowhere. She didnt pick up my phone call and i decided to text her.
krysrenee7 today i told her i wanted to hear her voice and i was going to call on my way to work of course i called and you know she didnt pick up that phone. I wasnt mad i just dont get it. Usually i call every other day but i want to text her tommorow is that too much since she didnt answer my ohone call?
krysrenee7 today i told her i wanted to hear her voice and i was going to call on my way to work of course i called and you know she didnt pick up that phone. I wasnt mad i just dont get it. Usually i call every other day but i want to text her tommorow is that too much since she didnt answer my ohone call?
*phone
*work for both of us
ps sorry i seriously need to proof read i just type so fast
ps sorry i seriously need to proof read i just type so fast
Well we can be very confusing creatures. Try a new approach. Think as if you were in HER shoes. Could it possibly be mixed signals that you're sending her as to why she's more distant than usual? Could it be that she feels you hesitating just as much as she is, which is why she is staying safely in her comfort zone?
When Aquas first start off dating, WE are normally the ones that dish out the most distance from the other person & we watch carefully & see how the other person is with patience & normally we expect for things to work out like we want them too (After all, we expect that if someone really likes us the way they claim they do, there should be no rush). But the minute we can sense some distance on the other person's part (that equals the same distance we're putting out), we stop & try to examine what's going on, especially if that person didn't primarily start out being distant. She might be able to sense you holding back a little bit & she's probably thinking either 1) That you might not be feeling her as much now that time has gone by (& since we never chase UNTIL the commitment actually starts, this could completely act as a stepping stone for her to leave you completely alone), or 2) She might feel that she is being deceived or that you are not telling/revealing to her the entire story of who you are. Because believe me, she's picked up on your sudden hesitation & even though WE do it (and justify it as a means of being careful), we don't take too well when others do the same thing to us (especially if they didn't START out being this way). Don't hesitate or distance yourself because even though she may not be responding the way you want her to, always remember that what we think when we're in front of you & what we think when we finally get home & sort things out, are 2 different things. I know it sucks & is unfair to others, but when we hold back or don't show our emotions (during all the times we really should) we justify it & we believe in the "If it's meant to be, it'll happen theory"...so when we don't open up or when we hesitate, we figure it's our heart telling us that we're not ready (And therefore we listen)...You have nothing to lose by just expressing your feelings (because even though we can get overwhelmed by too many emotions coming at us, we still get attached the MOST to those who had the patience & bravery to show their emotions to us (because we know we're hard to get through)
When Aquas first start off dating, WE are normally the ones that dish out the most distance from the other person & we watch carefully & see how the other person is with patience & normally we expect for things to work out like we want them too (After all, we expect that if someone really likes us the way they claim they do, there should be no rush). But the minute we can sense some distance on the other person's part (that equals the same distance we're putting out), we stop & try to examine what's going on, especially if that person didn't primarily start out being distant. She might be able to sense you holding back a little bit & she's probably thinking either 1) That you might not be feeling her as much now that time has gone by (& since we never chase UNTIL the commitment actually starts, this could completely act as a stepping stone for her to leave you completely alone), or 2) She might feel that she is being deceived or that you are not telling/revealing to her the entire story of who you are. Because believe me, she's picked up on your sudden hesitation & even though WE do it (and justify it as a means of being careful), we don't take too well when others do the same thing to us (especially if they didn't START out being this way). Don't hesitate or distance yourself because even though she may not be responding the way you want her to, always remember that what we think when we're in front of you & what we think when we finally get home & sort things out, are 2 different things. I know it sucks & is unfair to others, but when we hold back or don't show our emotions (during all the times we really should) we justify it & we believe in the "If it's meant to be, it'll happen theory"...so when we don't open up or when we hesitate, we figure it's our heart telling us that we're not ready (And therefore we listen)...You have nothing to lose by just expressing your feelings (because even though we can get overwhelmed by too many emotions coming at us, we still get attached the MOST to those who had the patience & bravery to show their emotions to us (because we know we're hard to get through)
IF both of you are playing the "Hard to geT" game or the "Maybe I will, maybe I won't" game, you 2 will never get anywhere because Aqua women never put their guards down until the other person does. And eventually, you 2 will either end up spending more time trying to figure out what to say & how to say it & letting little things rack your brain versus just letting both of your emotions come together to help form a relationship. Just keep trying, you don't have anything to lose. It's better to give 100% and lose everything (because at least you know that you tried & did your part) then it is to give 50% (knowing good & well you get out what you put in) & still lose everything
3 weeks is a long time for me not to see her and i'm getting impatient. After all we talked about i was suppose to see her today and it didnt happen because she's still out of town i cant seem to get a break. I understand that she is not feeling well but it's like damm something is always happening. The part that pisses me off is that i called her she didnt picked up i had to text her and hour later asking if i was gonna see her because i was looking foward to it. I'm kinda pissed because i know you saw my phone call if u knew you werent coming home why not pick up the phone and say your not coming. I know our plans werent set in stone, she just said that she wanted to see me on sunday when she got home. All i'm saying is she should have took it upon her self to just send me a text saying she was sick and she's not coming home. I hate having to always be the one asking andd comfirming shyt that really make me look and feel desperate.
krysrenee7 i actually dont mind the distance anymore i've learned to be patience thorugh wonderful people like you on the board. I just think now the distance is making us both frustrated because were use to seeing each other atleast once a week but i havent seen her in 3 weeks. I can handle not talking to her everyday i've gotten use to that but i must hear from her atleast every other day. I'm trying to break that cycle now by speaking everyday cause i really do miss her i just want to see her.
krysrenee7 i just think im a fool because i keep trying to make plans but something always happen. The funny thing is she isnt lying they are
legitimate excuses. Should i stop making plans i dont want to come off like a hound?
krysrenee7 i actually dont mind the distance anymore i've learned to be patience thorugh wonderful people like you on the board. I just think now the distance is making us both frustrated because were use to seeing each other atleast once a week but i havent seen her in 3 weeks. I can handle not talking to her everyday i've gotten use to that but i must hear from her atleast every other day. I'm trying to break that cycle now by speaking everyday cause i really do miss her i just want to see her.
krysrenee7 i just think im a fool because i keep trying to make plans but something always happen. The funny thing is she isnt lying they are
legitimate excuses. Should i stop making plans i dont want to come off like a hound?
::groans::
lol why the groans
Well the best game to play is NO game. I learned a long time ago that getting someone by default or by pretending to be/feel a certain way just to get by is not something even worth having. If you feel like blowing her phone up 7 times a day, do that. If you feel like talking to her atleast every other day or every single day, call her. Show her who you are. Sure, you might overwhelm her by paying her so much attention, but at the end of the day atleast you're giving it to her straight, showing her how you work & letting her know up front what you expect from her. There's nothing wrong with that & you should do whatever fits into your comfort zone. Now if whatever fits into your comfort zone isn't working well with someone else's comfort zone, then you might need to let go. Even if you pretend like he distance doesn't bother you & try to give her her space for now, eventually your need for her affection & understanding will come out once the relationship is established anyways. If you sit at home, debating on how and when to show yourself to someone, things will go as slow as they want to. It all has to be natural.
For example, 5 years ago I met this guy who I thought was "fine" as hell. When we went out on dates, all he would do was talk about the flaws in his personality (how cold hearted he could be, how revengeful he can get when he gets hurt, blah blah) & at first I thought to myself, WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THESE THINGS? THESE ARE TOTAL TURN-OFFS! But after being with him for 2 1'2 years & getting my heart broken & having done to me all the things he told me he could do (pain wise) when we first met, I realized that he was showing me who he truly was & HOW he truly was from the beginning & he didn't stop revealing his true colors to me JUST because I was uncomfortable. If I had've just listened & quit worrying about the rules on how first & 2nd dates should go (normally talking about all the GOOD things), then I might've thought twice about giving him my heart. And him breaking it wasn't HIS fault, it was part way mine because I knew all of these things before hand. So the moral of the story is, just be yourself & show her who you really are. What you're doing now isn't working for you (rather you give her her space or not) so now this is about having the strength to say "Look, I've done my part, I've stretched my hand out to her...Now it's HER time to meet me half way" and back off. That's all you can do.
For example, 5 years ago I met this guy who I thought was "fine" as hell. When we went out on dates, all he would do was talk about the flaws in his personality (how cold hearted he could be, how revengeful he can get when he gets hurt, blah blah) & at first I thought to myself, WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THESE THINGS? THESE ARE TOTAL TURN-OFFS! But after being with him for 2 1'2 years & getting my heart broken & having done to me all the things he told me he could do (pain wise) when we first met, I realized that he was showing me who he truly was & HOW he truly was from the beginning & he didn't stop revealing his true colors to me JUST because I was uncomfortable. If I had've just listened & quit worrying about the rules on how first & 2nd dates should go (normally talking about all the GOOD things), then I might've thought twice about giving him my heart. And him breaking it wasn't HIS fault, it was part way mine because I knew all of these things before hand. So the moral of the story is, just be yourself & show her who you really are. What you're doing now isn't working for you (rather you give her her space or not) so now this is about having the strength to say "Look, I've done my part, I've stretched my hand out to her...Now it's HER time to meet me half way" and back off. That's all you can do.
If you keep continuing in this situation, you're only going to drive yourself crazy & believe it or not, by the time she actually DOES come around, having her may not be such a big prize anymore. The first stages in dating should be fun, not stressful. At first I thought she was just playing the usual "Hard to get" game like most Aqua women play in the beginning, but now I'm starting to think that she is not feeling you as much as you are feeling her. When an Aqua woman first starts dating we pretty much know after a few conversations/dates if this person is someone we consider potential. And once we consider that person potential, we little by little start to open up & show a little bit more affection & more sides of us as each day goes by. If you feel like this situation with her is actually going BACKWARDS (the gap of not talking to her has gone from 1 week as the longest to 3 weeks) then something is wrong. The thing about Aqua women is that when we're not feeling someone, we won't necessarily throw them away UNLESS they do something completely unacceptable (which you haven't done). BUT sometimes we confuse people by keeping that person in our radar & still talking to them (even if it gets down to just once a month instead of once a day like it used to be). I think it's time for you to step back & let her come find you. TRUST ME! If she wants you & if she's been playing games this whole time just trying to see how much you want her, by you backing off, she'll either completely COME back into the light or things will stay the same & eventually get worse (meaning she just wasn't that in to you from the start)
"Well the best game to play is NO game. I learned a long time ago that getting someone by default or by pretending to be/feel a certain way just to get by is not something even worth having. If you feel like blowing her phone up 7 times a day, do that. If you feel like talking to her atleast every other day or every single day, call her. Show her who you are. Sure, you might overwhelm her by paying her so much attention, but at the end of the day atleast you're giving it to her straight, showing her how you work & letting her know up front what you expect from her. There's nothing wrong with that & you should do whatever fits into your comfort zone. Now if whatever fits into your comfort zone isn't working well with someone else's comfort zone, then you might need to let go. Even if you pretend like he distance doesn't bother you & try to give her her space for now, eventually your need for her affection & understanding will come out once the relationship is established anyways. If you sit at home, debating on how and when to show yourself to someone, things will go as slow as they want to. It all has to be natural.'"
THIS IS TH BEST ADVICE IVE HEARD GIVEN IN A WHILE ON HERE...YOU CAN ONLY FAKE IT FOR SO LONG...THEY CAN EITHER TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. tHIS SHOULD BE POSTED IN A STICK NOTE SOMEWHERE ON ALL THE BOARDS.
THIS IS TH BEST ADVICE IVE HEARD GIVEN IN A WHILE ON HERE...YOU CAN ONLY FAKE IT FOR SO LONG...THEY CAN EITHER TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. tHIS SHOULD BE POSTED IN A STICK NOTE SOMEWHERE ON ALL THE BOARDS.
YOU'LL END UP RESENTING HER IN THE END...WHEN IN ALL HONESTY THE ONLY ONE YOU CAN BLAME IS YOURSELF.
Excellently coined Krysrenne
Its true if you pose something contrived...then that is what you will reap.
Im sorry I was an as* to you... I really do like most Aquas
Its true if you pose something contrived...then that is what you will reap.
Im sorry I was an as* to you... I really do like most Aquas
No Problem
Playing games is getting old and i'm really growing tired of it.
Krysrenne i didnt say i havent talked to her in 3 weeks i just havent seen her. We talk all the time even if it's a short convo. i must admitt if i dont call she will definatly call. This is what keeps me going because when i try to pull away well not really pull away if i dont call for a day or so she calls me for sure. The only thing that pisses me off is the fact that i'm not seeing her and it's seems like she's not even trying to see me. She's made plans but they all fell threw i hate that shyt.
I'm just tired of getting my hopes up then shyt never working out but whatever. I've met someone new this past week i guess i'll give her my attention since aqua isnt appreciating it. I like my aqua but
goodness so many obstacles.
Krysrenne i didnt say i havent talked to her in 3 weeks i just havent seen her. We talk all the time even if it's a short convo. i must admitt if i dont call she will definatly call. This is what keeps me going because when i try to pull away well not really pull away if i dont call for a day or so she calls me for sure. The only thing that pisses me off is the fact that i'm not seeing her and it's seems like she's not even trying to see me. She's made plans but they all fell threw i hate that shyt.
I'm just tired of getting my hopes up then shyt never working out but whatever. I've met someone new this past week i guess i'll give her my attention since aqua isnt appreciating it. I like my aqua but
goodness so many obstacles.
krysrenee7 i've already put my flaws out there she know i'm extremly critical and can be cold hearted. She know i dont take a lot of foolishness when it comes to moral that something i just cant put up with no matter how much i like you. If u do me dirty so it's goodbye
*morals
Well I'm glad you realized that no matter HOW fine, intelligent or compatible you believe someone is, EVERYONE has their limit. And Like I told you, Aquas will conversate all day with alot of people & will make the other person they are dating think that things are going good. The true test is about how OFTEN you see that Aqua because trust me, when an Aqua is really interested she will make whatever effort possible to not only keep your flame for HER alive, but also her flame for you because we like face to face communication (It allows us to read the other person better). Any time you have an Aqua who supposedly likes a guy, talks to him every now & then on the phone but RARELY makes the effort to see this same guy, there's a problem somewhere in that equation LOL.
But anyways, Good for you! Like I told you before, it was only a matter of time before you exploded & said F-it because NO ONE (regardless of what sign in the Zodiac) waits on something & persues something that would more than likely NOT return the same love. And hey, at the end of the day, we Aqua women can't get mad when the guy just up & leaves. We're difficult creatures, I know LOL
But anyways, Good for you! Like I told you before, it was only a matter of time before you exploded & said F-it because NO ONE (regardless of what sign in the Zodiac) waits on something & persues something that would more than likely NOT return the same love. And hey, at the end of the day, we Aqua women can't get mad when the guy just up & leaves. We're difficult creatures, I know LOL
*converse
*takes a bow*
krysrenee7 you've been right this whole time and i value your advice. It seems like when we first met each other we never went a week without seeing each other but now it's be 3 weeks. when i told her that she told me it hasnt been that long and it's not that serious. I was like no it has been that long and your right it's not that serious. She definalty just dismissed what i said but fuck it i should have never got my hopes up with her. But you know how that shyt goes when you really like someone. It's funny how when i told her i liked her she wanted to see me the nect day after i told her this even doe she said we were just friends. I didnt take that 2 the heart because we just starting hanging out so she was right we were just friends but now i see this will never go n e where.
No NO, virgo28 made this elaborate idea of this girl in her head. You really cant blame the chick. You knew from jump thats she wasnt feeling you like that.
Ladies: Everyone usually wants what they cant have...or the less accessible individual. Challenges are always more fun and payoff is greater with much greater risk...but so is the opposing factor.
Ladies: Everyone usually wants what they cant have...or the less accessible individual. Challenges are always more fun and payoff is greater with much greater risk...but so is the opposing factor.
Lady_M what the fuck are talking about?
Are seriously trying to tell me i imagined this girl going out on solo dinners all the time, wanting to come over dressed up just to lay in my bed. I must also imagined her wanting me to make the first moves in my bed but me being who i am i was too chicken to do so. I know she wanted me to do something because i made sure to test her and she responded in the way i want. The reason i think i drove her away is because i reminded her of everything that's good in a relationship. I remind her of the begining stages of the relationship i'm someone who's willing to do things for you just because i appreciate you. I dont need anything from you i just enjoy your company. Since i make things up you should have read my whole story this girl just got out a long relationship of 2 and the half years about 5 months ago. I know she see's some of her ex in me that's why we got so close so soon. I think the reason she's backing up is she realizes that i may dissapoint her( this is straight fromt he horses mouth she claims everyone always does), i just wish i could make her believe i'm a good person and i dont plan on hurting her. She's yet to do anything evil it's just this push and pull game is getting to me but i just plan to take the "L" maybe somewhere down the line we could be friends.
Ladies: Everyone usually wants what they cant have...or the less accessible individual. Challenges are always more fun and payoff is greater with much greater risk...but so is the opposing factor.
is that really the case for me or ami tried of dumb ass club girl or these silly little college women who have yet to grow up.
This girl was the first person who i met that i truly respected for her mind. Not only was she smart but she was a welll dressed woman yes i must repeat that WOMAN. She knows what she wants out of life and is striving to attain her goals. If i've ever dreamt of the perfect woman she was it classy smart, goal oriented, independent and might i say fine ass hell.
Are seriously trying to tell me i imagined this girl going out on solo dinners all the time, wanting to come over dressed up just to lay in my bed. I must also imagined her wanting me to make the first moves in my bed but me being who i am i was too chicken to do so. I know she wanted me to do something because i made sure to test her and she responded in the way i want. The reason i think i drove her away is because i reminded her of everything that's good in a relationship. I remind her of the begining stages of the relationship i'm someone who's willing to do things for you just because i appreciate you. I dont need anything from you i just enjoy your company. Since i make things up you should have read my whole story this girl just got out a long relationship of 2 and the half years about 5 months ago. I know she see's some of her ex in me that's why we got so close so soon. I think the reason she's backing up is she realizes that i may dissapoint her( this is straight fromt he horses mouth she claims everyone always does), i just wish i could make her believe i'm a good person and i dont plan on hurting her. She's yet to do anything evil it's just this push and pull game is getting to me but i just plan to take the "L" maybe somewhere down the line we could be friends.
Ladies: Everyone usually wants what they cant have...or the less accessible individual. Challenges are always more fun and payoff is greater with much greater risk...but so is the opposing factor.
is that really the case for me or ami tried of dumb ass club girl or these silly little college women who have yet to grow up.
This girl was the first person who i met that i truly respected for her mind. Not only was she smart but she was a welll dressed woman yes i must repeat that WOMAN. She knows what she wants out of life and is striving to attain her goals. If i've ever dreamt of the perfect woman she was it classy smart, goal oriented, independent and might i say fine ass hell.
Lady_M if you knew i liked you their would be clear signals you sent me to know that i shouldnt even try it with your right?
1. would you continue to let me pay for dinner?
side note your loaded so money isnt this issue
2. would you continue to go out alone to dinner with me atleast once a week?
3. come back to my house after dinner lay in my bed and watch movies all night?
4 spend at least and 6 hours with me everytime you see me
5.get upset if i even suggest to bring another person to join us.
Side note : she would get upset then say i'll leave so you guys can spend time togeather this could be 5 min after she got to my house.
6. call me just about everyday and if u dont hear from me get upset and accuse me of ignoring you.
side note: for all tis bytching i do i forgot to mention she calls me more than i call her.
7. tell me you miss after i send you a text complaing about how much i dont talk to you or see you on a regular anymore.
well any aqua can answer this mini questioner
1. would you continue to let me pay for dinner?
side note your loaded so money isnt this issue
2. would you continue to go out alone to dinner with me atleast once a week?
3. come back to my house after dinner lay in my bed and watch movies all night?
4 spend at least and 6 hours with me everytime you see me
5.get upset if i even suggest to bring another person to join us.
Side note : she would get upset then say i'll leave so you guys can spend time togeather this could be 5 min after she got to my house.
6. call me just about everyday and if u dont hear from me get upset and accuse me of ignoring you.
side note: for all tis bytching i do i forgot to mention she calls me more than i call her.
7. tell me you miss after i send you a text complaing about how much i dont talk to you or see you on a regular anymore.
well any aqua can answer this mini questioner
True. When an Aqua gets left in the middle of them playing "Hard to get" with someone, the true test is what happens once they are left. If she doesn't chase you or shows no grief or disappointment by your decision then you'll have the answers to your own questions. BUT if she out of the blue decides to pick that time (coincidentally when you say F-it) to open up & be the woman that you've been waiting on her to be then yep, you've truly endured the famous Aquarian mind game(s). And to some extent, we Aquas expect for the other person to change their opinion (when we finally decide to come around) because we feel that we had a dang good reason to be so distant & yes, the unfair thing about us is that oh man, we dare you to ACTUALLY take off & never look back...and if that happens, we'll just assume he wasn't all that into us anyways (since he walked away so easily) & we'll even further be GLAD that we never opened up, gave our time to them & was so distant in the first place...I think that's our flaw...When someone ups & leaves, we see it as "Oh welp, they did me a favor, and I'm glad I didn't waste my time" instead of thinking that others actually DO have the power to walk away from us just like we have that same power to do to others
I think i'm just gonna give her some space so i can gain some sanaity back. If nothing comes from the situation but a strong friendship i'll take that also. The funny thing is i just like being around her but it might be hard to change my feelings to friendship well with time i should be ok.
I told from the start my views on your situation. Refer back to your first post.
"Since i make things up you should have read my whole story this girl just got out a long relationship of 2 and the half years about 5 months ago. I know she see's some of her ex in me that's why we got so close so soon. I think the reason she's backing up is she realizes that i may dissapoint her( this is straight fromt he horses mouth she claims everyone always does), i just wish i could make her believe i'm a good person and i dont plan on hurting her. "
Well we are all strangers & I already knew there was more to the story that none of us know. But honestly, I think you're making the right decision. Aqua women are "you broke it, you bought it" type of creatures which means once we ACTUALLY do commit to someone & get hurt, we carry that with us for a longgg time...Yes, we'll still date after the breakup, we might even engage in intimacy with someone else (just like most women) but the difference is that once we're hurt we're NEVER the same again & it usually sucks for the guys that are actually interested in us for all the RIGHT reasons. But honestly, by her showing you that she has baggage (that is blocking her right now from really taking that next step) she is actually doing you a favor. Trust me, lol, you don't want to deal with an Aqua who has a wall up right after a breakup because normally not even Mr. Perfect can break that wall down (especially if it's a wall that was freshly just put up). Just with anything else, she's gotta heal & what you have to realize is that with some women, no matter what you do RIGHT & no matter how much of your heart you are willing to give, until THEY themselves are ready & healed, you're just wasting your time. And half of the time, we don't even realize how quick we push people away. It's like we let people fall for us & gracefully accept praise from others who are amazed by us but that wall we put up is SO THICK, only WE can bring it down. But I admire the fact that you STILL tried to do your part & not give up. And trust me, at the end of the day she's going to remember all the ones who attempted to break that wall down because it portrays a better picture to her of how things would be if a commitment were to be established
Well we are all strangers & I already knew there was more to the story that none of us know. But honestly, I think you're making the right decision. Aqua women are "you broke it, you bought it" type of creatures which means once we ACTUALLY do commit to someone & get hurt, we carry that with us for a longgg time...Yes, we'll still date after the breakup, we might even engage in intimacy with someone else (just like most women) but the difference is that once we're hurt we're NEVER the same again & it usually sucks for the guys that are actually interested in us for all the RIGHT reasons. But honestly, by her showing you that she has baggage (that is blocking her right now from really taking that next step) she is actually doing you a favor. Trust me, lol, you don't want to deal with an Aqua who has a wall up right after a breakup because normally not even Mr. Perfect can break that wall down (especially if it's a wall that was freshly just put up). Just with anything else, she's gotta heal & what you have to realize is that with some women, no matter what you do RIGHT & no matter how much of your heart you are willing to give, until THEY themselves are ready & healed, you're just wasting your time. And half of the time, we don't even realize how quick we push people away. It's like we let people fall for us & gracefully accept praise from others who are amazed by us but that wall we put up is SO THICK, only WE can bring it down. But I admire the fact that you STILL tried to do your part & not give up. And trust me, at the end of the day she's going to remember all the ones who attempted to break that wall down because it portrays a better picture to her of how things would be if a commitment were to be established
I saw the list that you wrote above showing how this situation is not all about YOU wanting her so bad or just you showing interest. I knew from the get-go that she must've been doing SOMETHING to make you so interested in her. Guys with good intentions & with an "I won't ever hurt you" type of mindset are usually very sweet, very patient & very understanding but HUMAN NATURE normally calls for BOTH parties doing something to please eachother or express their feelings. I think that because she's sort of sent you mixed signals, you became a little confused. I don't think you'd be so confused had she not shown ANY signs that she was just as interested in you that you were in her. It seems like in the beginning, things were great & the connection was equally good for the both of you, but eventually once one of you starting catching feelings or once things kept going (usually turns into a relationship), she emotionally or physically shut off as her way of assuring herself not to get too close to someone again or making sure that she doesn't allow anyone to like her TOO much because she knows deep down that she's not ready for what might deserve (you), & her just getting out of a 2 year relationship should make you feel even better. It would be different if this girl had been single for 5 years & just started slowly pulling away. But she's been hurt before & like most women, we'll flirt, we'll engage in new friendship and relationships, but NEVER actually intend on having something "real" again like we did in the past. And usually guys are cool with this because hell, half of them didn't truly want to commit to us anyways BUT there is always that one guy who did & unfortunately MOST people (not just Aquas) don't realize this until it's too late
krysrenee7 your right maybe were not meant to be maybe i'm just that person to show her that there are good people in this world. I tell her all the time she should give people a chance to get to know her. She always says no one wants to know her they just want to fuck or hurt her.That shyt was such a sad statement to me cause i fealt the hurt in her heart. She a really good person i just cant be around her till i deal with my feelings for her.If we ever really become friends i want to be able to just look at her in that way without wanting more. I really dont want to walk away from her because i think she has a lot to learn from me. I really want her to know how good of a person she is and that she deserves someone good even if it's not me.
krysrenee7 one thing i really wish for is to start over i really think i can set my feelings to the side. I havent talk to her for 2 days now and i know were just playing the if u dont call me i wont call you game. I just want all that to stop so we can be friends i've had a lot of time to think and it's not gonna work with us were more friends than anything.
How do u shift a relationship without the other person thinking your either trying to be an ass or trying to manipulate them?
krysrenee7 one thing i really wish for is to start over i really think i can set my feelings to the side. I havent talk to her for 2 days now and i know were just playing the if u dont call me i wont call you game. I just want all that to stop so we can be friends i've had a lot of time to think and it's not gonna work with us were more friends than anything.
How do u shift a relationship without the other person thinking your either trying to be an ass or trying to manipulate them?
"How do u shift a relationship without the other person thinking your either trying to be an ass or trying to manipulate them?"
Well, first & foremost the BEST way to shift the relationship is to VERBALLY express your feelings on doing so. And to an extent, no matter how good you are to her, no matter how much space you give her, no matter how you try to ride this path as smoothly as possible, you are STILL dealing with a mindset that doesn't change with a specific man; it changes over TIME. And I think the problem is that you're trying to be superman & show this girl that you're "different" & that's a great thing when she's gracefully accepting that love or friendship from you. But it's another thing when she starts to slightly reject your personal feelings of liking her (a little bit more than a friendship). It's going to be kind of hard to make that shift because of the fact that you guys didn't start out as friends. When you guys first started talking, you guys did like everybody else...talk, communicate, see each other, date, & take things step by step in order for things to eventually go further (relationship). And if the foundation between the 2 of you didn't start on friendship, it's always hard to switch over. And plus, you have to be honest with yourself. Are you 100% sure that you can deal with having her as a friend (and putting your feelings aside to do so)? Because, you're almost cheating yourself out of what YOU deserve. I think your focus has been about HER, but what about you? Sure, there's nothing wrong with being friends with her but if you already know deep down that feelings (on your part) will be involved (rather you try to conceil them or not), you're setting yourself up for more heartbreak. Because even if you try to hide your feelings for her, eventually they will come out in other ways & of course she'll question your intentions on why you chose to keep her around. When Aquas slowly start to break away from someone, we know that THEY know we are being distant & when that person actually stays OR tries harder to pursue us, it can either be a good or bad thing; we might even FURTHER question their intentions. And who's to say that if you & her agree to strickly be friends (nothing more, nothing less), that your feelings for her won't continue to grow? Then you'll REALLY be put in a bad situation because one day you'll explode & reveal your feelings & if she were to turn you down the only person who'd be at fault would be you.
Well, first & foremost the BEST way to shift the relationship is to VERBALLY express your feelings on doing so. And to an extent, no matter how good you are to her, no matter how much space you give her, no matter how you try to ride this path as smoothly as possible, you are STILL dealing with a mindset that doesn't change with a specific man; it changes over TIME. And I think the problem is that you're trying to be superman & show this girl that you're "different" & that's a great thing when she's gracefully accepting that love or friendship from you. But it's another thing when she starts to slightly reject your personal feelings of liking her (a little bit more than a friendship). It's going to be kind of hard to make that shift because of the fact that you guys didn't start out as friends. When you guys first started talking, you guys did like everybody else...talk, communicate, see each other, date, & take things step by step in order for things to eventually go further (relationship). And if the foundation between the 2 of you didn't start on friendship, it's always hard to switch over. And plus, you have to be honest with yourself. Are you 100% sure that you can deal with having her as a friend (and putting your feelings aside to do so)? Because, you're almost cheating yourself out of what YOU deserve. I think your focus has been about HER, but what about you? Sure, there's nothing wrong with being friends with her but if you already know deep down that feelings (on your part) will be involved (rather you try to conceil them or not), you're setting yourself up for more heartbreak. Because even if you try to hide your feelings for her, eventually they will come out in other ways & of course she'll question your intentions on why you chose to keep her around. When Aquas slowly start to break away from someone, we know that THEY know we are being distant & when that person actually stays OR tries harder to pursue us, it can either be a good or bad thing; we might even FURTHER question their intentions. And who's to say that if you & her agree to strickly be friends (nothing more, nothing less), that your feelings for her won't continue to grow? Then you'll REALLY be put in a bad situation because one day you'll explode & reveal your feelings & if she were to turn you down the only person who'd be at fault would be you.
And see it's no different than a couple that's been together for 2 years, breaks up because things just didn't work out, but yet there's always that one person who wants to "still be friends" & it never works out strickly BECAUSE feelings are involved on either one or both parts. You're situation is no different especially since the primary intent on dating her in the beginning was to see how far things would go. I think the first step in ever getting her heart would be to start off as friends first, but then again I can understand why it's so hard to make that switch from "Ok, I'm starting to like you alot" to "Ok, let's just be friends," because she's going to see your mindset about her changing as you either being manipulative or being emotionally unstable. And even though you're not either of these things, all that matters is that if SHE sees you that way, then you're in trouble. Like I told you earlier, I think the best thing to do is to just back off & let things be natural. Let your conversations & actions with her be natural, not staged & planned the right way so that you say or do what you think will make her glow. Just be yourself. Are you expressing to her these changes in your feelings? Or do you not even want to go there (because Aquas are quick on picking up on someone's emotional vulnerability & can be somewhat judgemental about it)?
actually we started out as friends krysrenee7 nothing serious every really happened between us it never got that far. The first time we went out it was very casual she was just helping me out with a project so i treated her to dinner then went went to the library. krysrenee7 i think you've miss the boat on this one me and this girl met 3 years ago i had a crush on her but doing that time i've only see her 3 times. Matter of fact the last time i saw her was about 3 years before we started hanging out. She sent me an email and we chated for a little bit so i ask her to help me out with my project because she was such a classy woman (this was for my visual merchandising class).
At first i didnt pursue her because i didnt think she wasnt into women, even doe she did mention that she was bi i just dismissed it like i was hearing things (i hope you know i'm a woman i think you may be a little confused). After a couple more dinners we were talking about the first time we went out and how her parents didnt like gay people. She ended up telling me she was bi and that she told me this the first night. I was in shock but i told her i thought i heared her say this the first night. She just laugh and said she did and she also made sure to look at me when she said it. I couldnt believe it so in my mind i was ok she may be a little bit intrested because why would you say you made sure to look at me when you said you were bi.
any way we never done anything but what i've mentioned in this post. I'm a true virgo i dont just kiss or sleep with anyone. Right now i'm very celibate because of what went on in my last relationship i'm not going to have sex till it's someone i really care for (i hope i can make it temptation is a bitch but its has been a year).
I hope i cleared up something but this i think this girl likes doing the dating things with me and likes how comfortable i make her feel. I have to be real with myself she's not ready to be with me or anyone else for that matter.
At first i didnt pursue her because i didnt think she wasnt into women, even doe she did mention that she was bi i just dismissed it like i was hearing things (i hope you know i'm a woman i think you may be a little confused). After a couple more dinners we were talking about the first time we went out and how her parents didnt like gay people. She ended up telling me she was bi and that she told me this the first night. I was in shock but i told her i thought i heared her say this the first night. She just laugh and said she did and she also made sure to look at me when she said it. I couldnt believe it so in my mind i was ok she may be a little bit intrested because why would you say you made sure to look at me when you said you were bi.
any way we never done anything but what i've mentioned in this post. I'm a true virgo i dont just kiss or sleep with anyone. Right now i'm very celibate because of what went on in my last relationship i'm not going to have sex till it's someone i really care for (i hope i can make it temptation is a bitch but its has been a year).
I hope i cleared up something but this i think this girl likes doing the dating things with me and likes how comfortable i make her feel. I have to be real with myself she's not ready to be with me or anyone else for that matter.
krysrenee7 i dont know how you feel about gay/lesbian relationships but i hope it does change your mind about giving me advice because i really appreciate it.
It's kind of funny because right after I wrote my last response to you, I noticed that your profile said FEMALE & at first I was like, ummm but then I caught on like Ohhhhhhhhh Okay we're talking about a "different" type of relationship setting here. But that's cool. Love is love. Rather the race, color, ethnicity, age, job, or sexual orientation etc. is different, LOVE IS STILL LOVE & feelings are still Feelings so don't worry, I wouldn't dare judge you. I'm not Bisexual or a lesbian so I don't really know how relationships work when it comes to 2 women BUT I'm assuming that lesbian or not, if she's an Aqua, she still possesses some of the traits Aquas are known for. Um...LOL
Ok so now that I know you guys have been friends already, then that makes the situation a little different. I thought you had known her for quite some time, but never quite had THIS much interaction with each other (which is why I thought you guys were never actually friends UNTIL you started communicating with her alot more often)...I thought maybe you guys were associates THEN who turned into friends NOW. Feel me?
Ok so now that I know you guys have been friends already, then that makes the situation a little different. I thought you had known her for quite some time, but never quite had THIS much interaction with each other (which is why I thought you guys were never actually friends UNTIL you started communicating with her alot more often)...I thought maybe you guys were associates THEN who turned into friends NOW. Feel me?
that's right we were associates then and friends now you have that part correct 3 years ago it was just hi's and bye i didnt really know her like that.I stated that in those 3 years i've only seen her maybe 3 times, We just started talking in febuary on a consistance bases.
I havent talk to her in 3 days so i guess were gonna play this game forever at this point i really dont care. I have a feeling she's not gonna chase me.
krysrenee7 thanks for not judging me , a 2 females relationship is like any others.
I havent talk to her in 3 days so i guess were gonna play this game forever at this point i really dont care. I have a feeling she's not gonna chase me.
krysrenee7 thanks for not judging me , a 2 females relationship is like any others.
No problem
I agree with Bijou2u.....that is actually how I feel too...space and time shouldn't be an issue as long as you know what you both have....
For the first time i'm actually not pissed about not talking to her usually i'm worried about if i should call or not. This time i'm sitting back doing my own thing if she calls and i'm near my phone i'll answer talk like nothing is wrong and we havent missed a beat. I figure she's not going to call me for a while i can just sense that i havent seen her in a 3 weeks(she's been out of town for her moms bday then she went went home for a another week) and i havent talk to her in 3 days i think things are just fizzing out.
All i can do is chill and relax i'm not trying to stress myself out
All i can do is chill and relax i'm not trying to stress myself out
"But the difference is this - when I'm with someone I care about, I am fully THERE. I'm focused on them and it has meaning. Other people, I might get back to, etc - but they don't get to see the real me."
That is exactly right. When Aquas sort-of kind-of like someone we take all the space that we need & we definetely don't get bothered by space (it's always welcome) BUT when we are commited or like someone beyond our control we are 100% THERE with no problems & with no hesitation. The PROBLEM is getting us to that point (which is very hard for most people to do). But hey, once we're THERE, we're THERE
That is exactly right. When Aquas sort-of kind-of like someone we take all the space that we need & we definetely don't get bothered by space (it's always welcome) BUT when we are commited or like someone beyond our control we are 100% THERE with no problems & with no hesitation. The PROBLEM is getting us to that point (which is very hard for most people to do). But hey, once we're THERE, we're THERE
Well i kinda of dont want her to get use to not talking to me i miss her but i matture enough to give her space. i dont know what's going on in her head she might be going through alot
well i finally heared from her after 4 days i wasnt mad we just communicated through text messages. I didnt question her but she told me she's been really sick and hasnt been up for anything lately. Things just feel so werid like it's not going anywhere i called last night because i was stressed out(not about her) and i really wanted to talk to her, i called mad late so of course she didnt pick up. I left a message but still havent gotten a call back.
I dont know what's going on it's like she wants me to make a move but i'm waiting for her to make one. I feel like she wants me to maybe be a little persistent but i'm afraid to because i keep getting shot down when i ask her to spend time. It's like shyt always comes up so why keep trying? The funny thing is she isnt lying but damm 4 weeks without seeing you come on i give up.
I dont know what's going on it's like she wants me to make a move but i'm waiting for her to make one. I feel like she wants me to maybe be a little persistent but i'm afraid to because i keep getting shot down when i ask her to spend time. It's like shyt always comes up so why keep trying? The funny thing is she isnt lying but damm 4 weeks without seeing you come on i give up.
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