confused

This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by sakesumo on Monday, April 21, 2008 and has 6 replies.
How do you manage to tell an aqua what you need, in a relationship- without making them feel pressured into something?!! I don't want to pressure or rush things with this aqua, but I'm definitely starting to get a little impatient, 6 months, and emotionally I feel the same distance that I felt from him in the beginning...I feel we're gettign closer, he's gaining trust with me...but is it typical to go on for months without really expressing what you feel or think aquas??? It's a tricky situation, we're attracted to eachother, we hook up, and hang out as friends....he said he liked me, he's a very sweet and honest person...I don't personally feel he's using me, we like to hang out...but I'm starting to notice that he may be gettin a little too comfortable and doesn't seem to be working at things too hard these past two weeks! I have been trying to distance myself from him, but dont know how to approach my needs with him at this point...do I ask him what he thinks of our "undefined" situation? Or do I just speak with my actions, and become less available to him? If this was a normal guy (as in not an aqua) I wouldn't have to think so hard about what I want to say and how it would come across...still can't figure this one out! The problem is, we're not in a "relationship" so it's hard to have any expectations from this guy...and I know that is a problem, no matter what someone's sign is, but I guess I'm trying to gain a sense from you aquas out there, he knows I like him, he knows I ahve feelings invested, he has not run away, but he's not offering a whole lot more than what he seems he is ready for...in the past, when Ive asked him or told him what I needed, he responded pretty well...for some reason, now, I'm scared as hell to bring up our "status" because I don't really care obout the label of being in a relationship, or dating, but I do need to know what he is thinking...as far as potential...is that a bad thing to ask an aqua? Iv'e read they respect people more when you speak ur mind...but isI guess I just want to understand whether our hanging out, is considered growth to an aqua...
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Any suggestion I make, he is down for usually....I think this Saturday was the first time he really told me he didn't feel like comign out when I invited him...of course I took it personally, but I guess there's a first time for everything....but usually, I feel that I am always making the suggestions...he always goes with the flow, is that how how aquas prefer it? Other people making the suggestions, and ideas....? I don't mind and wouldn't mind if I knew how he felt about me....but I don't think that is something I can force out of him....I understand it requires patience being with an aqua....but how does one gauge if an aqua is really interested in you? Is it simply the fact that they call and make plans with you- is that enough to prove an aqua likes you? SHouldnt it require a little more on their part?
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I don't ever get a call just to chat, this last week he went a whole week, M to Friday, without calling! Finally, calls me on friday to tell me what he was up to all week, doesn't ask me what my weekend plans are...and then called me again at 7:30 on that friday night, apparently to hang out...but I didn't answer because I alreayd had plans! Who waits until a Friday night to make plans? The lack of advance plan making is ridiculous, I didnt' hear from the aqua all week, wouldn't a normal person call to inquire about weekend plans...and not wait until the day of to call a girl? Usually, I'm available, that night was the very first time I did not pick up his call. Is this a good strategy with aquas? He needs to know that I'm nto always available at his beck and call. I'm hoping to tell him I can't hang out with him the next time he calls last minute to make plans again.
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"The problem is, we're not in a "relationship"
Well first off, any time you are giving someone your TIME, MIND & PRESENCE, you should never feel bad for wanting to figure out how much or how less they are appreciating it. Don't feel bad & yes, it is true...Aquas are more likely to have a stronger bond with those who SPOKE up versus those who we know are being passive towards us (even though they think we don't notice). In this case, I don't know if it's just him seeing you as a friend or him just waiting on the right time to tell you how he really feels (usually tells you on HIS own time, rather than on YOUR time, which is understandable why some can get impatient). For one, just because Aquas tend to be distant when "dating" doesn't mean that we can't pick up on when someone is starting to get attached to us. He's probably wondering the same thing. He's probably thinking, "I have not once brought up the word RELATIONSHIP to this girl & yet she continues to still want to be around me & doesn't seem to mind." Trust me, if you're actions show that you are starting to feel a little bit more than a "friendship" with him, then HE KNOWS! If you can see yourself being with this Aqua in the long run, then the 1st step in making sure it'll work (on YOUR part) is to feel good & secure enough to express your loves about him & also what you DON'T like about him to HIM. It seems like you're planning on not answering his calls on purpose...And let me tell you, if you start trying too hard to play the "friend" role out of pride or out of not wanting to be rejected then that will make things WORSE (but only if he is seconds away from taking you out of the "friendship" category to place you into the "wife potential" category). The best game to play is NO GAME. If you want to talk to him, then answer. If you want answers, the only person that can give you the BEST answer is HIM. Go for it because if you don't, you'll always have the "WHAT IF" syndrome lol
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k, ive read some of ur posts about aquas on here...and u seem right on. I need answers from him....I want him to know I'm not just his friend, and playing it too cool may totally work against us....you're probably right about that. I do see him long term...I realize he has a lot of growing up to do, and I don't want him to feel he's lost his independence just by having a relatinoships in his life...he seems to be very fearful of relationships, he's had bad experiences with them...he's also never been in a "grown" up one....I don't know how to approach it. Do I blatently tell him everything I'm feeling? Or just try to figure out what he is thinking about us? Do I just tell him, if we're dating I have these expectations....etc....if we're not dating then I need to know either way where we stand? i know he's not stupid, and he knows at this point I want more, but I truly feel like this guy needs some direction. I just don't want to scare him by demanding answers from him....how do I approach it with him?
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you set no boundaries from day one. I don't understand why women go into this we just friends relationships, giving the man sex, time, attention, love and turn around and say i changed my mind I want more and although he treats me like a friend, were not just friends, it's more than that and I want more. He's treating you like a friend and your wondering why?
A guy isn't going to switch his brain around love when you have allowed the relationship to be friendship.
You have a dilemma sakesumo because you allowed him to define what you were going to be and you went along with it. I mean at some point you could have or should have said to this guy, I appreciate your friendship but I personally would like this to evolve into a relationship, this would have given him time to think about what direction he would like to take with you, now he's treating you like a friend as he should be and your growing impatient which will build into resentment.
You can wait it out and see what happens but personally I wouldn't play the distancing game, you will cause more confusion, tell him how you feel without being dramatic about it, something along the lines of listen I went into this with the idea that our friendship would turn into a relationship, I made a grave error in thinking that and now i'm having to deal with the fact that I need more from you, I need more time, affection and attention and I would like to know if things will be as they are or do you see us progressing into a relationship, he may not give you an answer right away but this will weigh heavy on his mind and he will eventually come to you and discuss it.
You have to approach it in a way that won't turn him off, make it more about you and your interpretation of what you thought would happen in the frienship and the fact that your not completely happy with the direction the friendship/relationship is going, if you can broach the issue without making him feel obligated you will get a better reaction from him.
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