Do Aqua Men prefer the initiating?

This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by sakesumo on Thursday, January 3, 2008 and has 24 replies.
Hello,
I have been talking to this aqua guy for 3 months...it has been a very SLOW process getting to know him! I feel like we barely know eachother still, becuase of his busy schedule and him only really having 1 day a week maybe, if that to hang out! Anyways, I have been letting him do most of the work as far as maknig plans to hang out, I rarely call him, because I think if he's interested...he will make the effort to call me...
Do you find this to be true of Aquas? Do they like to do the chasing? I know they like the mysteriousness of a woman, so I try to do my own thing with my friends most of the time...I try not to jump when he calls..does anyone know if this is the right move on my part? Also, this guy that I like is going on a trip next week, he'll be gone for a week...I didn't hear from him at all during xmas adn the holiday week, I have a feeling I shouldn't be expecting ANY sort of communication while he's on this trip..but it's frustrating sometimes, I have no idea when I'll hear from him next, he never plans more than a day in advance when he wants to hang out...if that! And the only time he calls is to make plans...I don't think we've ever had a phone conversation which involved just talking to get to know eachother. I just can't seem to figure this guy out...we've been hooking up, hanging out...initially he said he couldn't fit a relationship into his life...in the past he's called girls his "girlfriends" after just a couple of weeks (which by the way never lasted for more than a couple of months) ...we have been talking for 3 months and it's like he is scared as hell to define us in any sort of way...Of course I have not dwelled on this subject with him at all, besides the very first time we had a converastion about relatinoships...but a part of me wonders if he is starting to like me and just scared to have a relationship due to his past experiences...I don't want to push the subject, because I'm scared too...but we hang out as friends sometimes and other times there is more...I'm starting to fall for him but I know I need to get to know him better..how do I do this? I want to show him more of how I feel but am scared!
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One more more question if anyone feels like answering...what is a great date for an aqua guy? I feel like EVERY time I make plans with this guy, he prefers that I do ALL the planning? Can't aquas use their sponteity to come up with a creative cool date? The guy I like is a hockey player, I really want to get to know some of his interests better, but I feel like he is so busy trying to get to know all about me and what I like to do with my friends and how I spend my time...is there a nice way to go about suggesting a cool date, where he does the thinking and planning? I would like to do something different and cool with him..any suggestions?
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... there are several others on this board more qualified to give you answers...but personally Ive been with my aqua for 2 years and 3 months. Slow is not the word for it! Being a libra I get him... and I like my space too..I know longer worry about whos contacting who first or paying any attention to him when hes quiet- I just contine to be myself. If I want to call him or text him I do- but I do try and wait till he responds- and I also often suggest him coming over. They like independent confident- non drama types. Im not sure it matters if he makes all the moves- I think most confident men like an honest and umm.. on occasion sexy woman. - be yourself- it took me almost a year to do that and I worried way too much- fate attraction and being yourself will probably be the best combination in my opinion for an aqua.
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oh.. and last year we totally broke up during the holidays- this year we made it through without drama. I think the holidays are stressful for a lot of relationships- men worry too much that we will think that they love us if they are a boyfriend during this period- I think they tend to pull back. Trip wise I do doubt you hear very much- as they are very independent and refuse to seem needy
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Thanks for your input Jolana...I can't believe you have been with your aqua for 2 years...It's nice to know there are libras out there who can make this relationship work!
But I truly don't understand why they say libras and aquas are so compatible...I feel like I'm being myself to a degree, but that I have to hold back how I'm really feeling or atleast telling him how I really feel because of the fear that he will be scared to deal with any feelings. My situation is strange and undefined, he shows interest and then I don't hear from him. For the last two weeks, he has called me on Friday night asking me if I am going out on Saturday, and then ditches me! I am usually with my friends, and he knows I am always doing something so I don't think he thinks he ditching me in his mind, he also calls last minute and doesn't even consider that I may already have plans due to him just thinking of me whenever it's good for him. WE are off to a rocky start, mainly becuas he doesn't want to be in a relationship...I'm so hurt that he didn't call last night to come out, today at work he told me he was tired from being out the night before...but he didn't seem to care that he had made plans with me...I played cool, and acted like I didn't care...but I don't know if that is effective. I really want to tell him that I think it's rude and inconsiderate, and that I won't be hanging out with him again if he pull sh...t like that....but do these guys hate confrontation? How do you bring things up, concerns with your aqua? I have been very cool, but I'm thinking I may have been too cool with him these past few months, how do I set the limits and boundaries with him? He's leaving for a trip this week...he said he'd call when he gets back (yeah right)....should I just tell him the next time he asks to hang out, that he can't just pull this last minute stuff?
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UC - so nice to have you back smile
Hope you had a great holiday!
Sakesumo - i agree with UC....Your aqua won't "get" whats bothering you. If you feel he isn't be fair or pushing your limits. No contact/Silence is the only way to get to him. Nothing else works - after 5 years i've learned this the hard way.
AND i think he's made it clear to you already that he doesn't want a relationship. So don't have any expectations about his behaviour. If you want to genuinely get to know him and be friends - then do that. Aqua run for their lives when the sense pressure to behave in a certain way.
Let him be - don't be too needy. If he does care about you and your friendship he will keep coming back anyways - long as you don't drive him bonkers smile
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Ok, so I appreciate all of your advice UC, and picse dork...but I did slip and call him! doh! This is the first time that I have let myself slip though, all along I have let him do the calling and 2 weekends ago I broke and called him first! He said he wanted to do something the following night, and then never called! I was so hurt, when I saw him at work the next day, he asked me how my night was and I played it cool and said I had a good time with my friends...but I didn't say anything negative or nasty to him for not calling me when he said he would. He left the next day for a trip, and said he would call me when he got back....he returned this Monday...it's Friday and still have not heard from him...it really looks like things are over...but the sad part is, I am ok with just being his friend, in fact I think we are better off as friends...but I just don't get it, I have been nothing but cool with him, put NO pressure on him to get invovled in a relationship, and now he's playing a disappearing act? I knew I should have stayed away from this guy from the beginning, simply not ready for any emotional attachment, even as friends I believe...Still hurts that he didn't even call...he's leaving again next week for another week vacation...So Over.
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Well, you were cool, it's true, but it sounds like you were also available anytime he called. And he did tell you he didn't want to be in a relationship.
To me, being unavailable means not being in contact for a month.
But all of this is moot when it comes to dealing with an Aqua. I think most of these guys have a sixth sense that rivals water sign intuition. I've said several things of importance to my Aqua guy, and even though we can barely understand/speak in each other's language, his ears always prick up when I've communicated something he needs to her. So in the end you can't fool these guys. They can sense you drawing closer, or drawing away. You have to be real with them.
I feel for you, girlfriend! It sometimes sucks being one of the "relationship" signs -- they are of such importance to us! And these damn Aquas and their superb bedroom skills....
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Hello just to give my opinion on the matter............ Your Aqua sounds very similar to mine.
"I'm so hurt that he didn't call last night to come out, today at work he told me he was tired from being out the night before...but he didn't seem to care that he had made plans with me...I played cool, and acted like I didn't care"
It seems like he was playing one of those Aqua games, where he wonders if your bothered that he asked you and then did something else. You should have told him not to bother calling and making plans if he can't keep them. Tell him you do have a life.
The fact that your being so non-chalant about it probably makes him feel like you don't care. My Aqua friend constantly needs to be re-assured. I used to compliment him a lot and he told me to stop doing it, now he actually misses it and asks how I like something. It is funny to watch whats going on with them. They do send a lot of mixed signals. My friend hasn't told me that he doesn't want a relationship though, we have been in an undefined relationship so far.
I say if you want to be friends with him, send him a friendly message saying "Hey did you forget about me? Are we still friends or what?" or even a casual "How was your trip?"
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Thanks for your advice girls...but last night was a huge mess with this aqua guy...It was really bad...He did call me after his trip finally and apparently I missed his call two days ago, but he never leaves voice mails! He also doesn't even know how to use text messaging, which sucks! But anyways, he called me, talked about his trip, asked me what I was doing this weekend, but didn't come out straight and ask to hang out...it's like he beats around the bush..he said he would be in my part of town on Sat. night, but didn't follow it up with "hey, maybe I'll stop by the bar where you and your friends are at"...So I asked him what he was doing last night, (Friday when we talked) and he said sitting at home, and probably watching a movie...But he didn't ask me to join. Mind you, two weeks ago I made out with him after work (my intiation, which is what I think freaked him out) and since then has not followed through with plans or made any concrete plans to hang out with me. So, I ended the conversation with letting him know if he wanted to hang out at any point yesterday to call me. Then he called me a couple of hours later...and asked me what I was doing..of course I expected he was asking me because he was interested in hanging out...but then he says, "I am on my way to blockbuster and really looking forward to watching a movie, do you have any suggestions?" Now, this may not seem like such a bad thing to ask someone, but we don't normally talk on the phone to just talk, we almost always only talk on the phone to make plans...and he leaves me hanging after making out two weeks ago, now calls me on a FRiday night to tell me he's staying in and doing laundry while watching movies, and wants my suggestion on a what movie he shoudl watch, by himself! I pretty much lost it, I do take responsibility for taking part in this undefined hookup/friendship, but he's definitely sending me mixed signals. This has been going on since October, and maybe you're right I have been too available for him...but I lost it. I basically told him that I thought he acted strange and confused me at times. He said that he's accepted that about himself because he's been told this many times. Then I asked if he wanted me to stop by and watch the movie too, (mistake, i know) and he said that he would have enjoyed the company but that he was tired and had too much laundry to do! Now, maybe he just wanted a night off to himself as he just returned from a long, hectic trip of
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partying...but why is this guy being so confusing? I then told him that he was confusing me, and that sometimes he calls me to hang out and doesn't follow through, and that the times he calls just to call are confusing me...he said he thought we shoudl talk about this in person the next time we see eachother. HE obviously did not want to have this conversation at all. And i think I made it clear that he was driving me crazy. So wat does he do? He calls me back, an hour later just to tell me what movie he got! He didn't address our earlier conversation at all! And when I apoligized for coming off a little bitc..y toned in our conversation earlier, he said that he didn't notice! Of course he didn't notice, because he is an aquarian who is clueless about other people's feelings! I don't think he understood what I was upset about at all. Then he missed called me around 11:35 pm but I was sleeping, didn't leave a voice mail..but I am sure that he was calling to tell me what he thought of the movie he picked out..LIKE I CARE?
Can anyone shed some light on how I shoudl be handling this situation. I would like to tell him I think we're better off as friends, the hooking up thing got too complicated...etc...but I don't know how to approach this..something has to be said and I'm sure he will do anything to avoid the conversation. But I am not trying to date this guy, he may sense I like him but I know he's not good boyfriend material. What should I do?
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LOL
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LOL? Thanks Lady M
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Im sorry I just found it funny...the story that is.
Sounds like my libra guy friend.
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Hint:
Know what you want and take it. Dont ask questions...dont get dramatic/emotional etc. Just do it...stop thinking.
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Lady M is right, you can't really worry about him, don't focus so much on him. He's driving you crazy, but you're letting him. I honestly don't see how it would drive you so crazy though.
"and the only time he calls is to make plans...I don't think we've ever had a phone conversation which involved just talking to get to know each other."
He is calling you now, not to make plans but to be your friend. I think you need to relax about this. He is interested, but Aqua's don't like to rush things. Don't push him, and stop thinking so much. Go with the flow...or get out because this is just how they are.
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{"He is calling you now, not to make plans but to be your friend. I think you need to relax about this. He is interested, but Aqua's don't like to rush things. Don't push him, and stop thinking so much. Go with the flow...or get out because this is just how they are."
Thank you...thats why I laughed. Because she wanted to leave the fuck buddy situation and into a possible relationship, but you dont even want to suggest a movie to the guy. SERIOUSLY.
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lol. LOL.
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lol. LOL.
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Ok...thanks for laughing at me everyone...but not all of us are used to guys who go from making plans every week to all of a sudden, acting like an "aqua" which apparently means taking their time, ditching you...and then wanting you to get excited from one phone call that doesn't involve seeing you! I realize maybe he wants to take it at a slower pace and get to know me, which I like the idea of....but he also appeared to be avoiding seeing me or hanging out...Maybe I just need too much attention for this sign to be a good match for me...I can't stand games, tests or people who don't know how to discuss feelings...nor being with sign who doesn't acknowledge my feelings...even if it is unintentional or due to his cluelessness or awkwardness....
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I don't think he was avoiding you or intentionally ditching you...He likely had other things on his plate that needed his attention.
being a libra myself I know that I place of a lot of expectation on the men in my life. I expect them to call, to woo, to win me over, to make me happy. You are right, an Aqua man is not likely to do this. But these are not the only things a libra desires, she also likes mystery and a challenge. She likes someone to be her equal and she likes someone unique, all qualities an aqua man possesses.
It seems to me that you two have not been together very long, the length of time with an Aqua greatly influences their ability to discuss feelings, and recognize yours. But emotions will always make them uncomfortable.
If you can't go with the flow, which sounds to me less like an aqua problem and more like a man/woman problem, you should open your options up, surely there is someone out there who can be all that you want without driving you nuts.
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"unlike you libras...I don't really want a guy to be aggressively "wooing" me. I hate that. I like a guy who is a big shy, the kind I can draw out. Yes, I enjoy being just a bit aggressive or assertive with guys"
How I wish I had some of these traits! I can feel that way, sometimes, but usually it means I'm not that into the guy. When I'm smitten, I want attention. It's not really a healthy trait, to be honest. I see zodiacal tendencies as both strengths and weaknesses that can be improved upon. I'm trying to improve that, not rely on a guy's attention so much to make me feel happy, but it's hard for a libra, hard for me.
But libras ARE good at letting guys know how they feel without being too aggressive about it. And since libras have a detached nature about love anyway, once the initial "wooing" period is over, we tend to feel like you unusualcancer, leave me the hell alone! (for a minute, then we go back). Lol...
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"I see zodiacal tendencies as both strengths and weaknesses that can be improved upon. I'm trying to improve that, not rely on a guy's attention so much to make me feel happy, but it's hard for a libra, hard for me."
- i agree with you...this is definitely a female libra trait! every libra woman i know thrives for a man's attention, especially her man! and they all rely on a man to gain happiness, which is actually a false happiness. BUT, i also think it is a confidence issue as well. i used to feel that i needed my man's attention all of the time, but i came to realize that i don't NEED it. i like it when i get it, but i am fine on my own also. once you realize you are good with yourself, you don't need that reassurance from a man...and it is a GREAT feeling!!!
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""mushiness" and I'm not impressed with the typical things women tend to be impressed by (fancy dinners, flowers, gifts, etc.)"
Actually, I can't stand those things either. To me, true "wooing" includes little thoughtful gestures. Overtures like that really turn me off, but small things really string me along. Like taking me on unique dates: sailing, windsurfing...spending time with me is a big one. I didn't mean "wooed" in the traditional sense, I guess. And I have to feel I am friends with someone before I develop any feelings for them, absolutely, this is a quality I have always insisted upon.
and moonchild, you are so right. it does have to do with confidence, and while I would never consider myself an insecure girl when I get in one these moods, like i am now (lonely...wanting a relationship) I do notice little comments I make to myself that bring me down. I clamp my hand down and make myself shut up. A few years ago, I couldn't do this. Now I am capable of being happy without a boyfriend, happy with just myself, but I can't stop that damn wanting...
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