Does this mean the Aqua hates mee?? Interpret plz!

Ok for reference u will have to see my other topic which gives the background about my situation. So we had the concert event yesterday. I ended up going the route of supporting him, and I managed to buy my own VIP tickets. I did send him an email the night before letting him know that I would be going to the VIP part of the show as I bought tickets myself. I have been loyal, so why stop now. I told him I wouldn't miss it for anything.

So as expected the model girl is around him, but not necessarily arm in arm down the carpet, but actualy waiting on tht sidelines.
I waved to him but did not approach him as I did not want to disturb.
THE CONCERT WAS GREAT AND I WAS GLAD TO SEE HIM PERFORM.
Then came the party afterwards, then I saw him and her ineracting. His friends were so sweet and insisted I sit at his table.
Suddenly he comes by me as I am talking to them, and he Shakes my hand!!!, says a quick nod and hello like I am an acqaintance. I was taken aback an leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. he quickly retuned the kiss and flitted off.
The whole night he hung in my area, but never spoke, and the blonde model was hovering around him and his friends and glancing at me from time to time. In front of me he and her giggled with ech other, she whispered in his ear and they looked like they were having fun. And he was right 3 feet in front of me!!! They then left the party together and he never said good bye to me.

I have been crying so much. He must hate me to actually throw the beautiful girl in my face!

THEN, get this, he calls... I didnt pick up and he leaves a VM saying that he was happy I came, and that he was fucked up and was trying to find me all night, but cant remember if he did. He also says it would have been nice if I ACTUALLY came up to him to say HI, and didnt know why I didnt! — —

MIND GAMES of the AQUA—
he hates me now? Just before his trip he said he wanted to resume seeing me romanticallly, then he throws the girl in my face? the girl that he has taken to numerous red carpets last several months.

Should I just never call him again and throw out a supposed 3 year friendship—
Help please.

BTW the call came from him this evening.
I did try calling him an hour later, but it went staright to VM, and it said voice mail is full. I couldnt leave a message so just texted that his vm is full.
I dont think I need to try again.

Plz help me as far as next step in effectively dealing with him.
I want REALLY EFFECTIVE moves to deal with this mind/// Going and supporting him was unconditional and loyal... but now I feel like a pushover!

Ok so what should I do exctly Starfish?

Should I never take his calls or say that I felt his behavior was rude? Or just tell him I am done... no need to discuss because I have reached my limit?
Before I do anything, I want you guys to tell me exactly what is going on in his mind? Why does he want to hurt me? does fucked up mean drugs or alcohol?

Babykk, NO ONE but you can decide what is right for you to do where the Aqua is concerned. No one feels in their heart what you do, therefore all you can get from us here is our personal opinion of what we would do if we were in your shoes...but we will NOT feel the pain, sorrow, love or joy that you will in your heart because of Mr Aqua. I wish I had the magic crystal ball so that I could tell you EXACTLY what you should do to make everything all happy-happy-joy-joy like you really want it to be, but I can't. What I can do is to tell you that I believe way too many times people look over and see the grass on the other side and THINK it is SO much greener, when actually it's not...it's just fake astroturf-kind of how I personally think the blonde "looker" is. I really don't think he sees her as a "keeper", but more of a astroturf "throwback" who he will tire of and send on her way once he realizes that she is NOT who he wants to have a relationship with-well at least not one beyond "arm clutching eye-candy" who is only there to impress everyone else...not him, and most certainly not you. If he was f*cked up that night, believe me you could've made love to that man and he wouldn't have remembered it-I've dealt with people who had bad alcohol/drug problems, and they go to a zone all their own when they are off enjoying a high-so don't let his actions that night hurt you too much k? BUT, he should be held accountable for NOT being more considerate of your feelings as someone he says he wants to have a relationship with. It's never easy, this thing we call love. I guess my point here is that the only person that you should REALLY be worried about is you...not him. He's a big boy, and he will do whatever he pleases no matter what the consequences, and no matter who he hurts, who he has to squash, or whose friendship he will lose along the way...sad but true. So, even though the two of you have shared a wonderful friendship for 3years or so, perhaps it's time that you start worrying more about you, less about him(and Miss Astroturf), and start making choices that you "KNOW" will get you to WHERE you want to be in life, and with WHO you know is there because he is "true" and "real" and because he really does care about you and loves you just because you're YOU! Aren't you ready to smile, laugh, play, learn, share and love? Then start right now making choices for a good future...YOUR future. Be happy Babykk. PEACE & LOVE

Thank you so much launarBaby... that was beautiful.

Help please any ideas— How do I get my topic to be blazing? I seriously need advice.

I don't think my words will be heeded but BKK you are chasing this man, stop chasing, if you want an Aqua to take notice IGNORE him, we hate rejection, we hate being ignored. If he doesn't ask you to call him back specifically then don't, if he's not truly interacting with you via text, say like him saying how are you? Let's meet at so and so at this time for lunch then IGNORE him, force him out LOL! Right now he's self absorbed, caught up with the model and caught up with this scene he's in, not much you can do or say but lean back, let him find you and don't just jump into his arms when he comes around, MAKE HIM WORK FOR YOUR TIME AND ATTENTION, he's already wasted your time, you bought an expensive ticket to see him and he made YOU the reason why he didn't come to talk to you, that is what we girls call being a JERK, the least he could have done is gave you a few minutes of his time without his entourage, right now he's taking you for granted and giving you these pitiful pity calls and text messages.

There isn't much you can DO, anything you DO will make you feel desperate and pathetic and feel like the unattractive option, attractive women will not put up with his crap, any woman with any sort of love for herself will not accept his crumbs. Walk away and allow him to come to you when he's humbled himself. Aqua will not stay around fake people for too long, we tire of the scene and will seek solice eventually and seek out REAL people. He does not hate you but he is stringing you along and being inconsiderate and taking you for granted, so save yourself, have some dignity and leave him alone for now, you have done NOTHING wrong.

He is not interested in you rght now or maybe never, his words mean nothing yet his actions say uninterested, if he was sincere he would make time for you, he's just not that into you right now, he wasn't that fucked up on alcohol because if so he would have not called you, he's stringing you along UNTIL HE'S READY for something real, right now his actions say he's not. He's aware he's not treating you right and the best thing you could do is move on, you don't have to make it personal or anything, stop chasing him and responding for awhile, this will pull him out and if it doesn't then he really wasn't into it.

Yes Tiki I needed that. That is why I sought you out.
BTW he said "why didn't you come up to me? You could have done that.". And then he said please give me a call. I called an hour later ONCE and it went to VM, Box was full (i am sure a million calling to congratulate him), so i texted that it was full to acknowledge i called him back.
I have NOT since called him and don't plan on it.
I sincerely have reached my limit on my own. Have no intentions of calling him again naturally.

Your post gae me even greater strength.
Yes I do feel I have been chasing him to his point.

I was wondering if he does eventually call *who knows when), what should my demeanor be, and should I mention anything about the model, if so in what context? Thanks/ 🙂

When you do speak to him just be yourself, don't worship him, and don't linger on the line, be slightly apathetic towards him, give him LESS of you, I suggest no more than 3 minutes and you END the call first, he's done nothing but blow you off he has done nothing to get your time and attention, why would you gobble up a crumby phone call, get rid of the desperation vibe, gotta have you vibe it only makes him feel like he's better than you which means he feels your DESPERATE and less attractive option plus would you truly be desperate over a man that is clearly not into you and if so what does that say about you to other person.

Don't be predictable, if he calls after you speak to him ONCE, send him to voicemail, just always be slightly out of reach, he will regain interest once he realize he no longer make your sun come up in the morning, men hate being kicked down to a lower position, he will not expect you to NOT want to hear his voice and call you more once he realizes you are AVOIDING HIM, again we Aquas don't like being ignored by the people in our lives so BE UNPREDICTABLE, STOP MAKING HIM FEEL SPECIAL, STOP WORSHIPPING HIM, give him a heavy dose of his own medicine which is APATHY, he's being very indifferent towards you so that being said find other interesting things to do, other men to date and get on with your life, there are other men that I'm sure would love to keep your self esteem high by giving you the attention you deserve.

He's being a clown right now, he's bringing you down, you don't NEED that kind of treatment, he wouldn't really treat you well considering his head is up his ass right now. Don't LOWER yourself by talking about another woman, your the best, it's his problem if he's too shallow and narcissistic to see it, talking about another woman will give him the impression she's the better option or you wouldn't feel threatened by her And next time you go see him if you really wanna get into his head invite a handsome FRIEND with you so he will be focused on YOU but make sure it's just a good friend that your not intimately involved with, just a guy that might be a bit smittened on you, sometimes a jaded man like your Aqua needs to see your desirability in another man's eyes to appreciate you more.

Don't be another statistic, chasing these bad boy types, it's toxic and you will never feel good about yourself around him

Drop the jerk and live your life. And if he does call don't mention the model, just go about it casually. You're making this situation a lot harder for yourself than it should be.

I concur with the others.

Please Please take the advice and stick with it...not with just this aqua, but with any guy you come into contact with ever again.

Know your worth.

"talking about another woman will give him the impression she's the better option or you wouldn't feel threatened by her"

I see what you mean... my only purpose was to know if she is someone serious bc if she is then I dont want to be the girl he is cheating on her with. That is all. So is there a way to bring up the model without pushing him more to her?

"And next time you go see him if you really wanna get into his head invite a handsome FRIEND with you so he will be focused on YOU but make sure it's just a good friend that your not intimately involved with"

I actually DID bring a guy friend with me to the concert. I bet you that may have been the reason he called me the next night?

"Drop the jerk and live your life. And if he does call don't mention the model, just go about it casually. You're making this situation a lot harder for yourself than it should be."

The more time is going by, I feel like he is a jerk. I am so sad now. As a counselor, I kept on believeing in him, believing that his childhood hurt him so much. I have been so unconditional and loyal to him for 3 years.

For me to be disrespected and discarded in this fashion is devastating to me. You dont even know the depth of how unconditional my nurturing was for this aqua.

He took me for granted.

As far as him saying he was fucked up, was that an apology? Was it genuine? Do you think he realised he treated me wrong? Do I need to hear him out before acting all apathetic and cold?

"sometimes a jaded man like your Aqua needs to see your desirability in another man's eyes to appreciate you more."

The weird thing is that his guy friends treated me with so much more respect than he did. They talked to me all night and they seated me at his table.

How sad he couldnt see that his friends had better manners and respect towards me.

That doesn't sound like an apology, more like a poor excuse.

"As far as him saying he was treetrunked up, was that an apology? Was it genuine? Do you think he realised he treated me wrong? Do I need to hear him out before acting all apathetic and cold?"

Like Lady M said, a poor excuse. Aqua can lie pretty easily about a thing like this, to themselves most of all. I dated an aqua once who relied on a excuse like this 2 or 3 times before I stopped taking the bait. If somebody is too f'd up to remember talking to you...really? is it even worth it?

I feel your pain, but he sounds like a jerk who's a little full of himself. He's enjoying your attention and stringing you along...that or he enjoys the model's attention and is stringing her along. Either way, both you ladies are being manipulated in some way...

"Aqua can lie pretty easily about a thing like this, to themselves most of all. I dated an aqua once who relied on a excuse like this 2 or 3 times before I stopped taking the bait."

Ok I agree about it being a BS excuse. that is what I felt (great so at least I havent lost ALL my instuncts).

Muse, when you said stopped taking the bait, what do you mean by that? How did you act?


To ALL you guys, if and when I talk to him, should I say how I feel or just show him in action by being cold or by ignoring him? It is confusing.

Some people would say "ignore" because what good will me telling him he was rude and I felt disrespected. Calling an aqua on their actions, will that really do anything?

"He's enjoying your attention and stringing you along..."

So best thing is not not give the aqua his attention anymore? Wow what a shock because as a counselor I have been thinking he needs the unconditional love he lost as a kid.. I was so stupid to be giving him love, loyaly and attention. Did it for 3 years.
BUT NOW, I have literally reached the end of my rope, and have no urge to do anything.
His behavior CUT REALLY DEEP this time, for I not only feel so taken for granted, I feel like I was slapped in the face, and then by flaunting pretty model in my face, I feel dragged in the mud.
I know everyone is writingthat the model is a superficaial and temporary fix, but I heard he has taken her to red carpet events and big parties over the last year. So she must be satisfying him in many ways. An aqua needs to b satiatd on many levels. So okay, nothing I can do if he has dmoted me all of a sudden. I am real, and I genuinely showed him support... It just didnt mean anything to him.
So now I dont care about this model, because a bigger crime has been committed: He NEVER REALIZED MY WORTH AND NEVER APPRECIATED ME FOR THE QUALITY AND DEPTH I BROUGHT TO THIS 3 YEAR FRIENDSHIP. I was there for him at his lowest points, there for him when his loved one died, cheering him and encouraging on to his success,...etc...

What did I get for being a loyal friend? A ROYAL SHOVE... to make room for a tall blonde model that looks great to walk into an event with, and probably is good in tha sack.
WOW.

I have a question, will he even care if I ignore him?
Do you think he even would understand why?
Does he realize what he did?

I would like insight on Aquas and the way the mind processes thing?

Babykaykesiam no disrespect and I know your curious about Aqua men but honey LET GO, when you focus this intently on a man if feels suffocating, not just for him but for me as well (Aqua females point of view), he's not your higher power yet if you keep wondering about him then you make him your higher power which invites mistreatment from a man. This is why he's stringing you along because your too caught up over him. Leave him alone for awhile until you can stop the fixating and wondering what you should say, that just feels all wrong to a man, like your being fake, you have to BE yourself no matter what and if your full of nervous energy then things will always feel forced.

It seems your self esteem needs some work. Your energy is overwhelming with all the questions...just chill out, if there is anything to manifest it will, as for talking about the other woman, she should not be brought up, it's not your business and you needn't worry about being the other woman, your not even THE woman, your not even someone he's actively pursuing, I wouldn't worry about. Shift your focus off of him, go date other men and do interesting things that your passionate about, right now your vibe is all wrong, your too eager and desperate and it's not attractive.

Posted by Babykaykesiam
I have a question, will he even care if I ignore him?
Do you think he even would understand why?
Does he realize what he did?

I would like insight on Aquas and the way the mind processes thing?

You can't ignore him to get back at him, you ignore men that don't treat you well period, why would you want to be attached to an assclown that is clowning you, YOU SHOULD NOT WANT TO BE AROUND MEN THAT BRING YOU DOWN, MAKE YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELF, THAT IS NOT HEALTHY.

Why do you care so much what he thinks! Don't you see how desperate that sounds! No man wants to be around that kind of attitude, you need to see how your making him better than you by thinking about him so much, YOU ARE INVITING MISTREATMENT. Stop it

I'm sure he has an idea but again, who cares LOL! Go get a life and fah-get-about-it

"He NEVER REALIZED MY WORTH AND NEVER APPRECIATED ME FOR THE QUALITY AND DEPTH I BROUGHT TO THIS 3 YEAR FRIENDSHIP.

What did I get for being a loyal friend? A ROYAL SHOVE... to make room for a tall blonde model that looks great to walk into an event with, and probably is good in tha sack."

He can't realize your worth if your SELLING it to him, stop selling and hawking your friendship, stop showing up, stop supporting him and move on for a while, let him MISS your support and he will seek you out on a genuine level. As for shoving a model in your face, he's not yours, he doesn't belong to you, he's not property, he's LIVING HIS LIFE as SHOULD YOU BE DOING THE SAME, you should be doing the exact same thing, stop COVETING his life and stop the jealousy, his life is his life to do with as he wishes, he didn't force you to support him but you sitting here crying about it makes it seem you were not being genuine regarding your actions to support him or you would not feel SLIGHTED. He owes you NOTHING, I don't think you both signed a contract saying once he hits it big he owes you, you chose to buy the ticket, you chose to chase him just like you chose to support him, stop the whining and poor me attitude and GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE. If he's truly your friend he will come back around without you having to chase him to do it.

If you want to maintain friendship then continue being supportive but maybe do so at a distance were you won't get hurt and as for who he's dating well it's none of your business, stay out of his life, it's intrusive and makes you look desperate. If he contacts you, keep it short, friendly and move on, he's still around, he keeps in contact from time to time, let it be what it is even if what it is right now is NOTHING. Anything else you say or do will tear the fabric of what you have apart and you could potentially push him further away if you create drama about how he's choosing to live his life and with whom.

OMG you guys don't get it. do YOU really think I am showing any of this vibe to him— Sometoimes us women need friends to gel this out with.
You say the woman is none of my business— IT IS MY BUSINESS because he is telling me he wants to see me romantically. I have been intimate with him NOT knowing she was in the picture!!! IT IS MY BUSINESS because if he is seeing her seriously I must EXTRICATE myself immediately because I dont want to be some girl the guy is cheating on with with his girlfriend.
If she is another girl he is dating, well then of course I dont really need to know anything about her.

I am NOT insecure... my feelings are completely NATURAL, and YES I DO FEEL TAKEN FOR GRANTED. I AM not fucking selling him anything.
I AM simply laying the facts and foundation of the story so I can get an accurate input from you.

Yes I have to ask if ignoring is the right thing to do, because that does not feel natural or comfortable to me.

What feels good to me is staying away from him and processing my grief as I am in utter shock and never expected that from him. Now I have to think if it is justified to throw away 3 years. It is me to decide. My feelings and support HAVE been genuine, ..... that is why it FUCKINg HURTS so much.

Do you think I am a robot to NOT be affected... to not have feelings of anxiety over this—
THEN YOU ARE DELUSIONAL!!!!

It's not your business, there is NO relationship even if he said he wanted to see you romantically that doesn't mean he won't see anyone else romantically. You are not in a real relationship, his words are just words.

You are way beyond emotional, more like desperation...I won't say more, this is why I try to stay out of these issues, most women will not see things as they should be only as they want it to be...Whatever you choose will be fine, if there are mistakes then so be it, that's part of life and human nature. I wish you luck

UGH it makes me sick for you to even think I am strategizing some fake feelings.

I just wanted to be cautious.

I have every right to be nervous and worried. I am about to make a decision which involves completely ending something that meant a lot to me.
I dated him for 2 years... things seemed different as success and likely the girl entered the pic... Now everything is clear. he told me he was hammered with the project as the reason things slowed down and he said he wanted to resume seeing me.... So now I am realizing his actions point to being a jerk... when he was ALWAYS a gentelman thruought the years, always being worried about me, and caring.
If he is serious with her, that is likely what caused the shift.

So as you can see I am beginning to put all the pieces of the puzzle together and thinking out loud in front of you... hence this vibe. The emotions are raw and happening live.
This is normal greiving.
You have no right to kick someone when they are down.
Your advice was dead on in the beginning... the minute I wanted analysus you fucking jumped on me. Then I got sermons and lectures.
I am a person who does better with analysis and plans of action.

I know what to do with my self esteem.

If my self esteem was poor I wuld be calling him trying to talk... AND I DONT want to do that!!! I am in pain, and I dont want to initiate ANY contact with him. If he wants to speak to me, I MUST be prepared though... that was why I turned to you for a little insight. I do not have much experience with relationshhips.
Ugh. Why did I start this thing!!!

"It's not your business, there is NO relationship even if he said he wanted to see you romantically that doesn't mean he won't see anyone else romantically. You are not in a real relationship, his words are just words."\\

Umm don;t you think I have figured it out by now? You are right, I am NOTHING to him.
Ok so now I have to deal.
I am not desperate.
Just Emotional... I am a Pisces.
Now in run away mode.

You asked we gave, you don't like what we have to say well okay that's fine but no one deserve how your treating us, if you don't like what we have to say, you are free to ignore it, not use it, use it, yet all of us here are supporting you. Only you know what's best for you, only you know what you deserve. I wish you nothing but luck in figuring it all out for yourself. If your in pain then you should do what it takes to not be in pain anymore, as for preparing yourself for when he calls, there isn't much to prepare for once you know what you wanna do about the situation.

PS God willing he will call me... what would happen if I wasn't prepared?
My instinct are obviously wrong in your bookas to how to proceed...
I dont do the fake "everything is fine, how are you?" BS.

So I just wanted your input on how to convey the gist of what I feel. That I feel taken for granted. that I feel hurt. that how could he think I would be ok with him treating me like this. etc...
I want to be real.

If you guys feel there is no need to do that, I need to know, then I wont waste my words or my time.

"You asked we gave, you don't like what we have to say well okay that's fine but no one deserve how your treating us"

I am sorry but I felt attacked by you. And I didnt deserve that. I am not desperate nor do I have NO self esteem. Yes my self esteem took a hit... and it does happen to women. Society breeds us to try to look like supermodel, that sex sells, and that is what men want.

maybe I am not fit to be with famous rich man... only models are.. that is what societ tells us.

So i took a hit. I fell for the Kool Aid.

It is my first reaction.

As the rawness of anger and sadness goes away, I will be able to understand that NO I have done nothing wrong. there are jerks in this world.. and sadly I believed in one.

I need to get my strength back.

Sorry if I lashed out at you.

Then tell him, EXACTLY how you told us...That I feel taken for granted. that I feel hurt yet be prepared for him to REMOVE and DISTANCE himself from you, he may remain distanced for awhile, men hate confrontation but that shouldn't discourage you from saying how you feel, you don't have to be fake, you don't have to be anything your not comfortable with being but make sure you know he's the cause of these feelings because sometimes women MAKE UP THINGS, they IMAGINE THEMSELVES IN A REAL RELATIONSHIP with a man that they never discussed exclusivity with, sometimes a woman will create more problems when she express emotions and feelings about a relationship when there really was no real anything, as long as your clear about the interpretation of the connection and experience you had with him.

To go to him and express hurt when HE'S CLEAR he never had anything with you but a few words of desire on his part will create more tension and if he's clearly wrong he could take ownership but you really will not know until you express your feelings, there is a 99% chance he will step away as to not create and cause you more pain, actually you expressing your feelings will probably be the best thing for the both of you, he then may choose to step away once he realize how much pain he's causing you.

Starfish, I know Tiki gave good advice. yes she said IGNORE him because Aquas cant stand that...
OK but there will come a point a conversation will happen.
Then what?
Part of it is strategy, psychology..
I am at the right place for ignoring because it is place I am already feeeling naturally. I literally am turned off by him at this moment, and have full plans with many friends this weeekend. I am looking forward to the distraction.

But something at the back of my head will want some sort of a discussion as to how I feel, to tell him how inappropriate I felt his behavior was to me etc...

Oops this last comment was already in place before I saw you last coment Tiki.

So Tiki I know I am not in a real relationship with him. Do you mean that by stating my feelings I am implying I think I am in a relationship with him?

I have a question, If a girl friend of yours behaved rudely, would you not open up and tell her how you feel?
You say 99% chance of him walking away if I do that.... So there is no way for a man to process that and correct hurtful behavior... he will just process that his interactions = pain... so then will leave? Is that an aqua thing?

wow. then how does one win.

Best then to just disconnect then. Why would I confront then?

Whats gonna happen here is your gonna find out the real deal with this dude for yourself..

I concur with that statement, once the call is initiated and you express how you feel, he will react in such a way that will tell you exactly were you stand with him, usually the outcome leads to silence, tension and distance, so make sure once you get your thoughts and feelings in order and say how you feel your prepared for a not so favorable outcome. Even if he seems receptive and open to discuss things don't be shocked if you don't hear from him again, it will most likely be weeks/months before he's pulled back your way.

"as long as your clear about the interpretation of the connection and experience you had with him"

Well my understanding, if you look at it logically, is that I paid tons of money to get a VIP ticket to suport him. He sees me, runs up to me and shakes my hand and runs away without talkning to me AT ALL. Takes the girl giggles and flirts and TALKS with her in front of me, then leaves with out saying goodbye, THEN calls me the next day saying he was fucked up and doesnt rememmebr if he saw me and then says "well you could have come up to me"... and then asks me to call him as if nothing happened.

In a nutshell... the facts alone indicate rude behavior, lack of social etiquette, and no acknowledgemnat of me having ANY status (not even friendship) in his life in front of his friends (after knowing me for 2 to 3 years)
The facts would indicate, the behavior was that of a jerk.

Is this a misinterpretation on my part?

The philosophical discussion is: Is this worth discussing with him. or is his behavior too far gone and indicative of his character? (maybe changing for the worse as succcess and money and fame have hit him hard)

Posted by Babykaykesiam
So Tiki I know I am not in a real relationship with him. Do you mean that by stating my feelings I am implying I think I am in a relationship with him?

I have a question, If a girl friend of yours behaved rudely, would you not open up and tell her how you feel?
You say 99% chance of him walking away if I do that.... So there is no way for a man to process that and correct hurtful behavior... he will just process that his interactions = pain... so then will leave? Is that an aqua thing?

wow. then how does one win.

Best then to just disconnect then. Why would I confront then?

The point is this, if you KNOW you not in a real relationship then you not understand what FWB means and have interpreted things wrong between the 2 of you or you wouldn't be hurt.

He's not a girl and men don't process there behavior like women, sometimes they hurt us and don't even realize that they have done anything to wrong us, there is nothing wrong in and of itself in regards to saying how you feel but because he's a man and he process his interactions with women differently than women he will just step away from the situation as to NOT cause you more grief and pain. It's the whole confrontation factor, women will stand there ground an deal with it whereas men have this fight or flight response to pain, confrontation, pain etc...He will fight or he will run away and most times they run.

He treated you like a friend and you expected more, that tells him he's sending you the wrong signals and he will most likely STOP all contact as to not do that with you, he doesn't want to have to walk on egg shells with his friends and if one of his friends wants more than friendship then it would be in his best interest to stop all contact for awhile as to allow you time to manage your expectations and feelings. Once time has passed he may come back around but it will be the status quo, just for future reference, when you sleep with a man you really need to be clear what sleeping with you means, if you expect exclusivity and monogamy it would be in your best interest to say that, say how you feel as to not get caught up in these kind of situations. He simply thought you were okay with a friends with benefits kind of connection but clearly your not okay with it, so tell him that.

"I concur with that statement, once the call is initiated and you express how you feel, he will react in such a way that will tell you exactly were you stand with him, usually the outcome leads to silence, tension and distance, so make sure once you get your thoughts and feelings in order and say how you feel your prepared for a not so favorable outcome."

There you have it. And that's what I needed to know.

I am not prepared for MY discussion to lead to someone using that against me and running away.

Starfish, you concur.

As long as IGNORING someone will CLEARLY show the person I am annoyed with that I am not interested in dealing with someone who was so shallow to mistreat me and have no consideration of my feelings, then I will try that.

I have NEVER done the ignoring thing with ANYONE in my life.

My entire life, that is how I have dealt with people who have mistreated me. Funny I confront, tell them how I feel. Normally it has worked wonders in my female friendships.

I guess it would be different with a man, especially that of the aquarian persuasion.

.

"The point is this, if you KNOW you not in a real relationship then you not understand what FWB means and have interpreted things wrong between the 2 of you or you wouldn't be hurt."

Well at the time I didn't think I was in a FWB situation.
I mean I thought we were dating, and with time as months go by and you bond, it becoames the natural progression, and then we were seeing each other regularly. I thought there is a difference between FWB and dating.
the former usually does not involve date like activities such as dinner and movies.

Is this a misinterpretation on my part?

Yes and no

The philosophical discussion is: Is this worth discussing with him. or is his behavior too far gone and indicative of his character? (maybe changing for the worse as succcess and money and fame have hit him hard)

To be honest yes he was rude that he didn't make time for you but on the other hand he wasn't rude because he did acknowledge you. My opinion he lives in a new world, one were it doesn't have much room for old friends, there are people there kissing his ass and sucking up and it's just euphoric when it's happening to that person, they get caught up, get self absorbed, turn totally narcissistic and to us regular folk it seems like that person is hurting the other person deliberately, he acknowledged you but because he had a date one who probably wouldn't appreciate him hanging around any one woman too long he chose to stick with his plans and make her his primary focus

if he had bought you the ticket then you would feel less invested, probaby even less hurt but you took your hard earned money in hopes and expectation of getting some time with him, that didn't happen so now he's labeled as rude. He didn't force you to go and you didn't take into consideration that he may not make time for you, you took a chance and it didn't happen as you would have wanted it to...personally I would not disccuss it, I would just distance myself from him until I could manage my feelings yet I'm not you and it's your call with what you wanna do.

Posted by Babykaykesiam
"The point is this, if you KNOW you not in a real relationship then you not understand what FWB means and have interpreted things wrong between the 2 of you or you wouldn't be hurt."

Well at the time I didn't think I was in a FWB situation.
I mean I thought we were dating, and with time as months go by and you bond, it becoames the natural progression, and then we were seeing each other regularly. I thought there is a difference between FWB and dating.
the former usually does not involve date like activities such as dinner and movies.

Actually FWB connections do everything together yet the emotional bond is not there for him, he's clear not to get hung up on you but women usually fall in love any way, that is why it rarely works in favor of the woman, she's catching feelings and he's running from feelings, the direct opposition of these feelings inevitably create conflict. If he never asked you directly to be his, to be exclusive, to be monogamous then you were in a FWB situation and from the likes of it that is how he treated you the last time you saw him. You thought you were dating and he most likely thought that too but more on a FWB level, not on a level of rebuilding a committed solid relationship. That is why communicating to a man what it means to be with you is very important as to protect YOU.

Posted by Starfish225
"That is why communicating to a man what it means to be with you is very important as to protect YOU."

So true, personally I would just drop his ass suck it up and keep it moving...But thats me

I'm on the same page with you Starfish...

Posted by tiki33
Is this a misinterpretation on my part?

Yes and no

The philosophical discussion is: Is this worth discussing with him. or is his behavior too far gone and indicative of his character? (maybe changing for the worse as succcess and money and fame have hit him hard)

To be honest yes he was rude that he didn't make time for you but on the other hand he wasn't rude because he did acknowledge you. My opinion he lives in a new world, one were it doesn't have much room for old friends, there are people there kissing his ass and sucking up and it's just euphoric when it's happening to that person, they get caught up, get self absorbed, turn totally narcissistic and to us regular folk it seems like that person is hurting the other person deliberately, he acknowledged you but because he had a date one who probably wouldn't appreciate him hanging around any one woman too long he chose to stick with his plans and make her his primary focus

if he had bought you the ticket then you would feel less invested, probaby even less hurt but you took your hard earned money in hopes and expectation of getting some time with him, that didn't happen so now he's labeled as rude. He didn't force you to go and you didn't take into consideration that he may not make time for you, you took a chance and it didn't happen as you would have wanted it to...personally I would not disccuss it, I would just distance myself from him until I could manage my feelings yet I'm not you and it's your call with what you wanna do.

Wow FULL CIRCLE Tiki... I put this entire thing in quotes.

You actually nailed the situation and my feelings on the head.

Looking at this (without my emotions getting in the way)... that is exacty right. Every word you wrote.
I need to print this.
Yes I did have expectations. Yes I was more invested.
I am hurt beacuse he always had a ticket for me, always called me, texted me to see me... things changed.
He likely had her as his date and it was planned a long time ago, and he didnt want it to get awkward. He probably didn't want to piss her off so ran up to me fast to say hello (that was his way of acknowledging me the best he could in his mind).
He likely felt guilty and called me the next day playing dumb that he didn't see me.

I am playing the Devil's Advocate and seeing the other side of the story.

Still I don't want to give him too much c

Still I don't want to give him too much credit. he was still behaviing inappropraitely.

I deserve better. I am just trying to see it from a healthier point of view.

This is not a good situation for me, as I still can't help but feel hurt.
I must move on for my sanity.
😢

Thanks also Starfish.

Tiki I had no idea I was in a variation of the FWB situation.

Wow he had his dake and ate it too.

It is hard for women, as we get so emotionally invested.

Yes I must protect myself in the future. this was EXTREMELY and EXCRUCIATINGLY painful for I HAD fallen in love with him.

umm"cake" and eat it too...

Hate to bring it up now that its been all hashed out, but you did ask what happened when I stopped taking "the bait."

I stopped taking it because I knew it wasn't true, and I didn't want to be with him anymore because of it. He moved on, I moved on.

Before I gave up on him, he would come around every once in awhile and then eventually hurt in in some way with that line about being to f'd up to know what he was doing. It's bull and I knew it. Thing is, he still would have me the same way he wanted me if I let him, but I keep us at a friends only level. He has no real feelings for me, and doesn't want a real relationship with me. But he loves me as his friend, treats me with kindness as long as sex isn't involved, I can treat him the same way back. Then I don't care when he's trying to get with another girl, and I don't care when he blows me off....

I don't know how they do it, but Aquas have an incredible sense for "need" for "desire" and for "desperation." They know all the signs and it makes them very uncomfortable (at least the one I was with) to be needed, desired and sought after. They will flee if they feel that coming from your side, even if you say nothing: they know.

"I don't know how they do it, but Aquas have an incredible sense for "need" for "desire" and for "desperation." They know all the signs and it makes them very uncomfortable (at least the one I was with) to be needed, desired and sought after. They will flee if they feel that coming from your side, even if you say nothing: they know.

wow Libramuse... I have never ever even felt any of these until I found out about the model girl.
I am trying to have my life again. had a good weekend, and there is no desire on my part to call him. I genuinely felt his behavior was rude. The fact he is not following up his call is too bad, because I dont need to be the one calling him after the way he actd, f'd up or not.

Well..I didn't mean for those terms: need, desire, desperation to mean you felt them, or were exuding them. I also meant that they seem to enjoy being wanted - just a general wanting - for a time, but eventually get them turned off.

And you know something strange...when women see men with other women those feelings: the need desire and desperation are amped up ten fold. Women compete with other women so much, it almost doesn't matter who the man is.

Men seeing other women with another man, on the other hand, not as much of a turn on...

just a little FYI 🙂