Extreme behavior but surface level emotions...Why?
This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by AquaLady on Friday, March 28, 2014 and has 5 replies.
I've been seeing this aqua guy for a year and a half. He's been amazing!
Last week something he did annoyed me to no end so distanced myself to process my thoughts. He text once a day but I couldn't respond for the life of me. 5 days in I guess he panicked and called me at least 15 times (cell/work), emailed me, and text a bunch times. He is a typical Aquarius man, non committal and very protective of independence. However, knowing how emotional Aquarius can be inside,this wasn't surprising to me. I knew he had lost control...BUT I appreciated it!
Needless to say I finally responded and pretended like it never happened because I care about him and I know he was in a vulnerable place. But after I voiced my concerns, he went right back to normal. He asked a few surface questions but didn't discuss the issue any further.
I admit, it takes awhile for me to consider someone a candidate for partnership, trust them, and let them in. 2 years is reasonable. But It's been hard for me to understand what his intentions are...his long-term ideas for us. I have asked him but he completely shuts down...extreme commitment phobe.
What I don't understand is if you care about someone so much, get along fabulously...What keeps you at surface level forever? What is the fear that you would hide after becoming familiar with your mate? He'll open up if I behave extremely. Other than being distant here and there, extreme is out of my character. I'm making no progress. What does one do? Any insight is appreciated!
Last week something he did annoyed me to no end so distanced myself to process my thoughts. He text once a day but I couldn't respond for the life of me. 5 days in I guess he panicked and called me at least 15 times (cell/work), emailed me, and text a bunch times. He is a typical Aquarius man, non committal and very protective of independence. However, knowing how emotional Aquarius can be inside,this wasn't surprising to me. I knew he had lost control...BUT I appreciated it!
Needless to say I finally responded and pretended like it never happened because I care about him and I know he was in a vulnerable place. But after I voiced my concerns, he went right back to normal. He asked a few surface questions but didn't discuss the issue any further.
I admit, it takes awhile for me to consider someone a candidate for partnership, trust them, and let them in. 2 years is reasonable. But It's been hard for me to understand what his intentions are...his long-term ideas for us. I have asked him but he completely shuts down...extreme commitment phobe.
What I don't understand is if you care about someone so much, get along fabulously...What keeps you at surface level forever? What is the fear that you would hide after becoming familiar with your mate? He'll open up if I behave extremely. Other than being distant here and there, extreme is out of my character. I'm making no progress. What does one do? Any insight is appreciated!
The simple answer is leave.
He's not going to change until he wants to and if he feel found the woman he feel is right for him.
He's not going to change until he wants to and if he feel found the woman he feel is right for him.
Ok first off, if he felt like you would be a good candidate for his future, he would've brought that to your attention already.
If after he shut down, he sensed that it hurt you or caused you to question things, he would've def. came back & given you the reassurance that you needed, IF he was that into you
To set the record straight, Aquarian men have been known to be very non-committal in the very beginning. NOT the whole time! Not for 2 & 4 & 10 years! Huge difference.
There's a huge difference b/w "I hesitated a little in the beginning" VS "I'm still hesitating 2+ years later." It doesn't take 2 years for a man to assess your worth & figure out where you place in his life.
All this overly cautious stuff on both ends is def. killing the vibe. Caution & hesitation can be a good thing in the beginning b/c you're right, you can't let everybody in until they've proven themselves. However, if neither of you feel that the other hasn't proven themselves yet a whole 2 years later then something deeper is def. going on. Either:
1. You're both commitment-phobes in disguise, playing the "above the surface/don't get too close" mind games with yourselves & with each other.
2. You're both commitment-phobes in disguise & are just entertaining each other b/c the lack of aggressiveness & vulnerability allows you two to feel "safe." And "safe" is the ideal setting for a closet commitment-phobe who's in denial about being a commitment-phobe.
3. 1 or both of you are just using each other until something better comes along.
4. You're feelings aren't below the surface b/c you two aren't engaging in the level of conversation, intimacy or activities together that are most likely to bring forth a below the surface connection in the 1st place
Personally I think it's a mixture of #1 & #2. The only reason his hesitation doesn't bother you as much as it should is b/c you're just as noncommittal as he is. If you were a fearless warrior whose shield wasn't the size of Texas, him not offering commitment by this point would've been considered the ultimate waste of time.
The question isn't why would he stay around, it's why wouldn't he? He's a commitment-phobe, most likely for NON astrology-related reasons. If you're the 1 girl who's willing to wait around for him to "figure out what he wants" then of course he's gonna keep entertaining this friendship, relationship or whatever it is that you 2 have going on.
If after he shut down, he sensed that it hurt you or caused you to question things, he would've def. came back & given you the reassurance that you needed, IF he was that into you
To set the record straight, Aquarian men have been known to be very non-committal in the very beginning. NOT the whole time! Not for 2 & 4 & 10 years! Huge difference.
There's a huge difference b/w "I hesitated a little in the beginning" VS "I'm still hesitating 2+ years later." It doesn't take 2 years for a man to assess your worth & figure out where you place in his life.
All this overly cautious stuff on both ends is def. killing the vibe. Caution & hesitation can be a good thing in the beginning b/c you're right, you can't let everybody in until they've proven themselves. However, if neither of you feel that the other hasn't proven themselves yet a whole 2 years later then something deeper is def. going on. Either:
1. You're both commitment-phobes in disguise, playing the "above the surface/don't get too close" mind games with yourselves & with each other.
2. You're both commitment-phobes in disguise & are just entertaining each other b/c the lack of aggressiveness & vulnerability allows you two to feel "safe." And "safe" is the ideal setting for a closet commitment-phobe who's in denial about being a commitment-phobe.
3. 1 or both of you are just using each other until something better comes along.
4. You're feelings aren't below the surface b/c you two aren't engaging in the level of conversation, intimacy or activities together that are most likely to bring forth a below the surface connection in the 1st place
Personally I think it's a mixture of #1 & #2. The only reason his hesitation doesn't bother you as much as it should is b/c you're just as noncommittal as he is. If you were a fearless warrior whose shield wasn't the size of Texas, him not offering commitment by this point would've been considered the ultimate waste of time.
The question isn't why would he stay around, it's why wouldn't he? He's a commitment-phobe, most likely for NON astrology-related reasons. If you're the 1 girl who's willing to wait around for him to "figure out what he wants" then of course he's gonna keep entertaining this friendship, relationship or whatever it is that you 2 have going on.
You allowing/enabling him to not give you reassurance after he shuts down without you having to come out of character to get it 1st is YOUR fault. If 1 or both of you are THAT afraid of vulnerability, communicating & making sound emotional decisions about the other, then neither of you have no business dating each other or dating period.
All that caution & excuse making is exactly how 2 people end up HERE, in this exact situation. Stop it
All that caution & excuse making is exactly how 2 people end up HERE, in this exact situation. Stop it
Yes, we're both commitment phobes. He has told me that I am the best candidate for his future. I'm pretty comfortable in our relationship and I know he's into me. Maybe I came across the wrong way but things are good in my book.
I was just wondering what others thought kept things at surface level...not necessarily for my aqua but for Aquarius in general. I have my own reasons but I like to gather opinions. What are Aquarius fears and what can someone do get them to a deeper level. If it takes a certain person, what kind of characteristics do they possess that help you.
I've tried to make him feel as secure as possible. I affirm him and his opinions and we stay away from arguments. He??s my greatest supporter and my best friend.
I was just wondering what others thought kept things at surface level...not necessarily for my aqua but for Aquarius in general. I have my own reasons but I like to gather opinions. What are Aquarius fears and what can someone do get them to a deeper level. If it takes a certain person, what kind of characteristics do they possess that help you.
I've tried to make him feel as secure as possible. I affirm him and his opinions and we stay away from arguments. He??s my greatest supporter and my best friend.
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