Friends with Benefits with Aqua man now in love with him

This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by Notnuts on Tuesday, July 26, 2016 and has 29 replies.
So we've been doing it for a year now since last September. we're really good friends, he doesn't hang out with me just for sex cuz really he isn't a big sex guy..we care for each other a lot and we literally lived together for more than half year, but we are never exclusive. I started having feelings for him and told him I love him this June, which made him flip out and say we can't see each other any more becuz he feels wrong letting me fall for him when he can't love me back. He claims he likes me a ton and is special to him, he hasn't been in a relationship for a long time and this is the closest he gets in a while.

We've gone through the "lets not see each other any more just stay pure friends" thing like 4 times and we always go back to the FWB again. Then after the huge fight and decision that "we definitely shouldn't do it any more", again we went back to the mode again, and then his parents came to NYC to visit and he introduced me to his family and they loved me. I like them a lot too..we even stayed together for a few days (his parents stayed at his apartment and I stayed at his place too) they see us as a loving couple, basically everyone thinks we're gf/bf but he just says we're good friends..I know all his friends are not in a relationship and are sleeping around with different young hot girls so he's jealous and doesn't wanna miss out.

(Btw he's very cute and gets hit on by girls a lot..and I shall say I'm quite attractive too since he's picky and he likes me a lot)

I understand guys like variety and i can accept that and have an open relationship with him, but he's not into that right now..very emotionally unavailable. And idk what he's thinking, he said before it's not respectful to one's parents when you introduce a non-gf/bf to them (aka FWB like us) so idk what it meant when his parents hung out with me said things like "we think you're great for xxx" and telling him that I'm a keeper...etc

Should I wait for him to be ready to settle down? He doesn't know what he wants now, he's 29 and I'm 22. I've been with a 37 yr old ex boyfriend before and I feel like I'm more mature relationship wise. He's still just having fun and playing the field and I'm okay with that...but just curious if I get a chance to turn this into a serious relationship in the future? Any Aqua guy can give me any thoughts and advice please? Appreciate a ton!! Thanks!
Hot mess 7/10
Oh girl, no. You have to stand for what you want. What are your placements and his?
I'm not sure about his..only know that he's a typical Aqua, my exboyfriend too is an Aqua (and was kinda similar, that we had an open relationship cuz he doesnt wanna give up his variety until when I met this Aqua he realized he loves me and wants to marry me....but I wasn't ready for that and didn't think we were compatible)

I'm a Scorpio and rising Aquarius. I've asked Astrologers online and they kept telling me our charts show we shall have a good chance getting into a serious relationship it just takes time..idk if I should believe that.

Of course my mom doesnt wanna see me getting hurt and asked me not to contact him ever (he's met my mom too). But yeah we're still hanging out and i didnt tell my mom about it.. I know dating in NYC is horrible, everyone thinks they're gonna meet someone better the next second, but I'm quite stubborn and found out that once I fall in love with someone I just don't wanna look at others..I've listened to him tried to date other men to distract my feelings for him but it doesnt work and i dont enjoy that at all, that's just not me. But can't blame me cuz I really tried. I just wanna be with him
Thanks for the info...! Does sound like me..but he never said he wants to be single forever, I know he's afraid being lonely so he tries to be social and meet new people all the time even though sometimes the parties suck and he didn't enjoy at all, he still wouldn't miss a chance. He told me once that he doesn't wanna end up alone (much like my Aqua ex) and he's just searching for "the one" out there...which idk if that's bullshit. On one hand I know I should move on...on the other hand I just don't wanna give up..but I'm moving back to Philadelphia in a month and I'm really nervous we won't be seeing each other that often anymore..

My astrologer told me our natal charts and planets etc show we can still develop our relationship in the days to come even after we're apart. And said either September or Janunary next year would the casual rise to a further level...which idk of its true, but it's hard for me to fall in love like this so I don't wanna just give up, and I don't think I would meet anyone in the near future anyways

Just don't know what he's thinking...Sad
I agree this sounds like you are walking around lala land, you know you need to get out but keep making excuses to extend your delay.
Yeah....but I've seen other threads about Aquarius and all say that it takes slow and needs patience and persistence....which I have a bunch..so wondering if that's the case? Is he just not mature enough and needs more time to figure it out? He's at a transition point of his career right now and been stressed a lot, so doesn't know what he wants and is just figuring things out. (He's been a student for a long time since he just finished Phd this Janunary)

I just wanna be next to him and be there for him when he's upset or stressed and needs someone to talk to..guess same thing as a best friend..

I mean we're clearly not just friends with benefits..we apartment hunted together, went to furniture shopping for his place, and met each other's parents..etc

Idk he's just confusing
Just keep sleeping with him till he's 60. He MIGHT put a ring on it. Your wish can still come true
Thank you PiscesArt! Brutal truth I guess...I just need someone to slap me in the face and wake up from lala land sometimes..

Angry i have to argue that not that I don't have standards, but we are really very good friends in the first place despite romantic shit, and we've had THE conversation before and we said we never want to not see each other again cuz we like each other and care for one another a lot. He's not using me as sex for sure, I'm actually more sexual than him...but we don't really care about it rather cuddle and sleep together.

Everyone online says if some guy is not ready to commit or doesn't know what he wants in life then should just leave...but then who stays for those guys? Maybe I'm just being silly

He said before that most girls just wanted either sex or relationship, and once they know he's not a relationship type of guy girls would just leave..that was before I told him about my feelings. So he never had long enough time to commit to anyone cuz people just leave, for their own goods right?

But isn't love more than that? (God I sound so cheesy I can't stand this I don't usually talk like this I'm a cold heartless Scorpio bitch most of the time



Posted by PiscesArt
You lost his respect by agreeing to be with him even though he can just give you sex.and you continue to play along. you need to have your own standards.if he cant give you what you need,leave! The damage is already done and i doubt he sees you as a marriege material type of woman. You are not confiden,aserted and you dont have standards,men see that and they will use it in their advantage untill you say NO.
True...thanks for the input!


Posted by cheekyfaerie
If he wanted a relationship, you'd be in one. But he isn't, so you won't be. If you want a serious relationship, you need to untangle this mess and find someone who shares that goal.

He considers you a friend first and that's why it was ok to meet his parents.
Idk if I just want a serious relationship. I simply wanna be around him cuz I love him. Not just becuz I want a relationship and doesn't matter who.. Of course it'd rather be him

I sound stupid I know...y'all are gonna start slap me now ...

Any Aqua guy?

Anyone by any chance has any positive thoughts?.....

ever put love/relationship as a priority, and that's what makes us similar, we both value career the most. But j know what you re saying...I do love myself but can't resist this...

Anyways..thanks a lot!!


Posted by leowww
Posted by Notnuts
Thank you PiscesArt! Brutal truth I guess...I just need someone to slap me in the face and wake up from lala land sometimes..

Angry i have to argue that not that I don't have standards, but we are really very good friends in the first place despite romantic shit, and we've had THE conversation before and we said we never want to not see each other again cuz we like each other and care for one another a lot. He's not using me as sex for sure, I'm actually more sexual than him...but we don't really care about it rather cuddle and sleep together.

Everyone online says if some guy is not ready to commit or doesn't know what he wants in life then should just leave...but then who stays for those guys? Maybe I'm just being silly

He said before that most girls just wanted either sex or relationship, and once they know he's not a relationship type of guy girls would just leave..that was before I told him about my feelings. So he never had long enough time to commit to anyone cuz people just leave, for their own goods right?

But isn't love more than that? (God I sound so cheesy I can't stand this I don't usually talk like this I'm a cold heartless Scorpio bitch most of the time



Posted by PiscesArt
You lost his respect by agreeing to be with him even though he can just give you sex.and you continue to play along. you need to have your own standards.if he cant give you what you need,leave! The damage is already done and i doubt he sees you as a marriege material type of woman. You are not confiden,aserted and you dont have standards,men see that and they will use it in their advantage untill you say NO.



At least he's being honest....I'll give him that

but if I'm going to say ily to a guy and his answer is ...don't fall in love with me im still looking for the one. ..

I'm packing my shit right then and there leaving with my head held high

love yourself more girl
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...as much as I wanna deny..I know you're right Sad I'll try to keep distance from him and see if I can get myself out of this! Thanks so much


Posted by PiscesArt
Posted by Notnuts
Thank you PiscesArt! Brutal truth I guess...I just need someone to slap me in the face and wake up from lala land sometimes..

Angry i have to argue that not that I don't have standards, but we are really very good friends in the first place despite romantic shit, and we've had THE conversation before and we said we never want to not see each other again cuz we like each other and care for one another a lot. He's not using me as sex for sure, I'm actually more sexual than him...but we don't really care about it rather cuddle and sleep together.

Everyone online says if some guy is not ready to commit or doesn't know what he wants in life then should just leave...but then who stays for those guys? Maybe I'm just being silly

I was in a similar situation when my ex came back and he just didnt want a relationahip back probably becouse he put all other things before me..job,partying,friends etc.. if a guy does that or even tells you he doesnt want to commit,it is true. You cant do anything else but to take care for yourself and move on as much as it hurts. I know how you feel. But it is the brutal truth. I wouldnt waste my time with that..he is not respecting you for real.if he did he wouldnt bang you although he knows how much you care for him and he conrinuly still uses you for his thrills. Dont let him do that. Please leave,you wull find a bwtter man,you are yung and beautiful,he is just not worthy. Trust me.

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Yeah I know...I'm almost numb now..we do tell each other about other partners..and we were even trying to have a threesome..just didn't work out..

Anyways. I think you're right!


Posted by PiscesArt
But isnt it better to know where you stand and not living and hoping everyday a guy will change and your feelings are coming bitter and sadness is stronger day after day..and in meantime he can bang others and you dont even know that,and while your sticking with him you are missing someone who you can meet and will be far better then him and give you all the love and commitment you wish so much. .

You are killing yourself slowly. And the longer you will play along,the harder your sorrow will be..for the guy who doesnt even love you back. Seriously?!
iving together just stay over sometimes. Yeah we regularly have std checkup tho, I'm very cautious with that too. Thanks!


Posted by cheekyfaerie
Posted by PiscesArt
But isnt it better to know where you stand and not living and hoping everyday a guy will change and your feelings are coming bitter and sadness is stronger day after day..and in meantime he can bang others and you dont even know that,and while your sticking with him you are missing someone who you can meet and will be far better then him and give you all the love and commitment you wish so much. .

You are killing yourself slowly. And the longer you will play along,the harder your sorrow will be..for the guy who doesnt even love you back. Seriously?!
He's gonna let her stay as long as she wants. Not necessarily because he's an ass, but because he's set his boundaries and figures she's a grown ass woman, making her own decisions. Sadly, that gives her hope.

You still live with him, Nutsy? Either way, it's not a guarantee he's *not* sexing up other people. Know you said that's not a huge thing for him, but an STD would be a huge thing for you. Take care of yourself.
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And I know he sees me as a friend to meet his parents, and that's how I acted in front of them the first time we met, just as normal friends, no intimate actions.

But the second time he asked me to have dinner with them he started to hold my hand, cuddle me and kiss me in front of his parents..and asked me to stay over with them. So that's why his parents saw us as a couple..otherwise I would just be a friend of his. I think that's what made me confused as well
He'll probably be destroyed when you break it off but if he comes back you'll have no doubt where you stand.

This was my experience.
You mean if he comes back it means he wants to commit? What does "come back" really means tho....I never really break it off just say we'll stay just friends and then went back to FWB again. So

What was your experience? If you don't mind sharing

Posted by sultrykitty
He'll probably be destroyed when you break it off but if he comes back you'll have no doubt where you stand.

This was my experience.
Posted by Notnuts
You mean if he comes back it means he wants to commit? What does "come back" really means tho....I never really break it off just say we'll stay just friends and then went back to FWB again. So

What was your experience? If you don't mind sharing

Posted by sultrykitty
He'll probably be destroyed when you break it off but if he comes back you'll have no doubt where you stand.

This was my experience.

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Nope, eventually you'll get tired of being in limbo and you'll respectfully end it. That took me 10 years.

He may decide after some time not being around you that you were the one. He may contact you. Then you can decide if he's worth getting back with.

I think he's stringing you along, but not because you don't mean anything. Whether you mean more than where you are now, will never be known until it's clear where *you* stand.

Both of you are perpetuating the state of your relationship. He won't likely be the one to move it any further.

An Aqua guy like that is perhaps the biggest mess a girl can get into Big Grin I agree with sultrykitty, you have to let him go, but I know no one can force this, or advise even, but trust me, it will happen, because no matter how big a doormat a girl can be an undecided Aqua guy's level of annoyingness can top that Big Grin So don't focus on willfully destroying anyhing. One of you will destroy it, most probably you. Focus on what happens after that. If you love this guy give him a lot of time. Ie. don't marry the next guy in a month maybe. I do agree that everyone needs to look out for themselves, and all of that, but when it comes to love I just don't believe it starts with what's good for me. It should start with a gigantic amount of love, affection, enthusiasm etc for someone else. Call me old fashioned. : )
I'm with you...maybe I'm old fashioned as well. I always thought marriage is bullshit and just paperwork, even an insult to real love. But after I fell for him I actually wanna marry him and have babies with him...I guess eventually I'm just a lil girl.

I AM definitely on the edge of giving up and letting him go, but some part of me so persistent and strongly tells myself I should give him more time..that's why I'm here. I can't decide..I know I'm getting annoying now clearly everyone sees it as a dead end and tried to convince me he's not worth the wait...

Posted by workingirl
An Aqua guy like that is perhaps the biggest mess a girl can get into Big Grin I agree with sultrykitty, you have to let him go, but I know no one can force this, or advise even, but trust me, it will happen, because no matter how big a doormat a girl can be an undecided Aqua guy's level of annoyingness can top that Big Grin So don't focus on willfully destroying anyhing. One of you will destroy it, most probably you. Focus on what happens after that. If you love this guy give him a lot of time. Ie. don't marry the next guy in a month maybe. I do agree that everyone needs to look out for themselves, and all of that, but when it comes to love I just don't believe it starts with what's good for me. It should start with a gigantic amount of love, affection, enthusiasm etc for someone else. Call me old fashioned. : )
It's not necessarily a dead end, but it's a question of how long you're willing to be in limbo before you know.

I'm pretty positive from what you said that you're the "real thing" to him, but he won't lock it down until he's sure. And that can take *years*. Meanwhile, you've put your romantic life on hold. Is he worth it? Is what you have worth it? Only you can answer that.

, thank you!! I totally get all that and know that's what I'm supposed to do..I guess I'm just too afraid of losing him and the idea that he's gonna meet someone else that can replace me...then again I would tell myself "if he can replace you with someone else then you should be able to walk away cuz he's not meant to be yours"...

Angry guess I'll just need to risk that?


Posted by seraph
Posted by Notnuts
So we've been doing it for a year now since last September. we're really good friends, he doesn't hang out with me just for sex cuz really he isn't a big sex guy..we care for each other a lot and we literally lived together for more than half year, but we are never exclusive. I started having feelings for him and told him I love him this June, which made him flip out and say we can't see each other any more becuz he feels wrong letting me fall for him when he can't love me back. He claims he likes me a ton and is special to him, he hasn't been in a relationship for a long time and this is the closest he gets in a while.

Should I wait for him to be ready to settle down? He doesn't know what he wants now, he's 29 and I'm 22. I've been with a 37 yr old ex boyfriend before and I feel like I'm more mature relationship wise. He's still just having fun and playing the field and I'm okay with that ...but just curious if I get a chance to turn this into a serious relationship in the future? Any Aqua guy can give me any thoughts and advice please? Appreciate a ton!! Thanks!
Lots of love to my Aqua friends, but do you really need an Aquarius to give you an answer here?

When you post about "concerns" in a situation where the other party in a FWB is doing all they can to have their FWB cake and eat it too (because FWB), and you then ask whether they are going to simply walk away from fun friendship and (what I assume is) great sex, you really need to carefully re-read your post.

You already have your answer, even before posting your question.

If you really want to turn the tables on someone who is just too comfy with the way things are, then change the game. The price of poker has to go up. Drastically. Quit the FWB stuff and just maintain the friendship and be single and happy. This creates an opportunity for him to take notice. Just keep in mind that he's gotten so accustomed to this situation that he might (not meaning any harm) try to work the situation and say and do what needs to be done to get even crumbs of what he had with you before.

Create space, distance, and declare (by actions) that sex with you is to be *respected*, and is to occur only in the context of actual commitment. And only then can you really find out what he's after. There are no guarantees, though.
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women and their emotions
update everyone..

hah so my Aqua did something that disappointed me A TON, showed that he had very poor judgement and not mature at all. this totally turned me off and now I don't even know if I can trust him enough...I guess this is easy for me now to get over with him.

Seriously, what's so glory about sleeping around just becuz you're goodlooking and all your guy friends are doing the same? I'm so mentally tired right now I'm packing my shiit
Posted by Notnuts
Yeah....but I've seen other threads about Aquarius and all say that it takes slow and needs patience and persistence....which I have a bunch..so wondering if that's the case? Is he just not mature enough and needs more time to figure it out? He's at a transition point of his career right now and been stressed a lot, so doesn't know what he wants and is just figuring things out. (He's been a student for a long time since he just finished Phd this Janunary)

I just wanna be next to him and be there for him when he's upset or stressed and needs someone to talk to..guess same thing as a best friend..

I mean we're clearly not just friends with benefits..we apartment hunted together, went to furniture shopping for his place, and met each other's parents..etc

Idk he's just confusing
oh FFS. Look, well adjusted, interested, grown ass Aquas have no issues with boyfriend/girlfriend labels. The take it slow is for people who are dating for 6 months and start picking wedding venues. Or wanting to move in, or have babies, it is the permanence of those things that give an Aqua pause. While most couples are headed to the altar after 2-3 years, an Aqua can take 5-7. Lord knows the shortest time frame I ever considered marriage is 4 years.

The current relationship I have, I KNOW he isn't going to put up with waiting for 4 years.

The real question is, what do YOU want? If you arnt sure about a serious relationship then why are we having this conversation? It seems you are just comfortable with him now, as he is comfortable with you. So maybe it's a good thing you're leaving, get some perspective on what you want.
just an update....after last time i got jealous of him seeing another girl and decided to leave him he asked me to stay and we got back together again..and finally yesterday it happened again and i just couldnt bear it anymore so broke up with him.

FINALLY broke up with him. But I still love him so much that i want to see him again and hope he'd come back to me some day...I know it's stupid but really...just need a hug now. I literally have no family or friends here now
this has been such a painful experience, despite when we're together I'm always so happy, but i get so insecure whenever I'm not staying with him, cuz I know he's go out or "catch up with someone". And this is the first time I ever actually live with someone for this long and we've seen each other;s parents and he's friend with my cousin now as well..

idk....just silly girl here
somehow still wanna wait and hope it'd work out one day and want to believe it just takes time.. Sad everyone here's gonna wake me up from lala land again!