He's not texting and im not texting him too..

This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by rufflestruffles on Sunday, February 23, 2020 and has 32 replies.
I have this colleague at work, he is an aquarius, im a leo. i know him from work for almost a year already, but its just recently (Feb 1.) that we started to actually talking to each other, he asked my female colleague about my number and then we started chatting. Everything was going well we have almost the same interest but not totally. I feel very attracted to him and i can feel he feels the same, so one day we invited me out after work (we are both on morning shift so we both clocked out at 1500h) at first we just want to have coffee and ended up drinking 3 bottles of wine. After talking for hours while drinking. I was pretty tired and drunk already. We kissed. i dont know who kissed who first. and then i left him and went home already. I didnt talk to him for a few days. and finally he broke his silence he sent me a message saying that he really likes me and thinks that he has already fallen inlove with me already, that this is the first time in 3 years that he felt this way again, and that us not talking for a few days drives him insane. i got a little scared and happy at the same time. after that our conversations went back to normal. the next day i decided to tell him the truth. that if he is looking for a relationship with someone i dont think im the one, i told him the real reason. i have chronic depression and i am unstable, i want to be open and honest and lay down my cards. he said he will wait for me and it doesnt matter to him. so we went back to talking everyday and i feel really happy and i feel alive again. but then we changed shifts already, our text became fewer and fewer, i understand this because i know we have different shift. one night he messaged me saying that he is drunk because he went out with other colleagues. i said okay enjoy your night out. the next day i feel like he was a bit cold but thats okay, i know he needs his space. the following day he just texted me to say that he saw me. and that i should rest early and bid me good night (i wasnt able to reply to this anymore because i fell asleep). the following day (this is his off day) so i was waiting for him to text me the whole day, but nothing. even one message no. i feel a little upset and i actually wanted to text him first but i thought about it and i think texting him first is not a good idea. so i didnt messaged him at all. did i do the right thing? why do i feel iced out? i feel like an idiot. im also starting to have feelings for him too. i actually miss him very much. i dont know what to do next.
Posted by tiziani

It doesn’t sound like there’s a deep enough attraction there yet to be playing the “he should be seeking me out” game.

Spend more time in person and let your chemistry do it’s thing for now. That’s my take on it.
Should i reach out to him first?
it's not that difficult. if you want to text him, text him.
Posted by Phantum
Posted by tiziani
Posted by Phantum
Posted by tiziani
Posted by Phantum
Posted by tiziani

It doesn’t sound like there’s a deep enough attraction there yet to be playing the “he should be seeking me out” game.

Spend more time in person and let your chemistry do it’s thing for now. That’s my take on it.


Lol

What about the him telling her he loved her thing?


It sounded like he was swinging for a reaction


I can really see us applying almost any of our cliches to this post. I'm just waiting...


Oh you mean I should be balancing it out by calling him a predator?

He’s not in the love harder category for me.


love bomber?
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This is the first time i encountered this word. I looked it up. Its a very bad thing. Especially if i was hooked.
Should i just move on from this? Is there anyone who can advice me. 😔
Posted by rufflestruffles

Is there anyone who can advice me. 😔
User Submitted Image

Posted by Arielle83

He’s a drunk that thinks he’s in love when he’s drunk.

He acts distant after because he doesn’t remember all the stupid things he’s said when he’s drunk.


To be clear, its on a different day when he told me he was inlove with me.
Posted by thatlibralife
Posted by rufflestruffles

I have this colleague at work, he is an aquarius, im a leo. i know him from work for almost a year already, but its just recently (Feb 1.) that we started to actually talking to each other, he asked my female colleague about my number and then we started chatting. Everything was going well we have almost the same interest but not totally. I feel very attracted to him and i can feel he feels the same, so one day we invited me out after work (we are both on morning shift so we both clocked out at 1500h) at first we just want to have coffee and ended up drinking 3 bottles of wine. After talking for hours while drinking. I was pretty tired and drunk already. We kissed. i dont know who kissed who first. and then i left him and went home already. I didnt talk to him for a few days. and finally he broke his silence he sent me a message saying that he really likes me and thinks that he has already fallen inlove with me already, that this is the first time in 3 years that he felt this way again, and that us not talking for a few days drives him insane. i got a little scared and happy at the same time. after that our conversations went back to normal. the next day i decided to tell him the truth. that if he is looking for a relationship with someone i dont think im the one, i told him the real reason. i have chronic depression and i am unstable, i want to be open and honest and lay down my cards. he said he will wait for me and it doesnt matter to him. so we went back to talking everyday and i feel really happy and i feel alive again. but then we changed shifts already, our text became fewer and fewer, i understand this because i know we have different shift. one night he messaged me saying that he is drunk because he went out with other colleagues. i said okay enjoy your night out. the next day i feel like he was a bit cold but thats okay, i know he needs his space. the following day he just texted me to say that he saw me. and that i should rest early and bid me good night (i wasnt able to reply to this anymore because i fell asleep). the following day (this is his off day) so i was waiting for him to text me the whole day, but nothing. even one message no. i feel a little upset and i actually wanted to text him first but i thought about it and i think texting him first is not a good idea. so i didnt messaged him at all. did i do the right thing? why do i feel iced out? i feel like an idiot. im also starting to have feelings for him too. i actually miss him very much. i dont know what to do next.


Please just put the ego aside and text him. He said he's in love with you for goodness sake. What more do you need? You're getting in your own way....
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Im really confused. If i should just give him space because he probably is recharging by himself. Or if i should text him first. And if i will text him first. I dont know what to say for me to sound casual and not needy/clingy because i know aquarius men hate those.
Posted by 7thHouse
Posted by rufflestruffles

Should i just move on from this? Is there anyone who can advice me. 😔


Yup. Move on. If he really is serious about you, he would've tried harder and also not while he's drunk. In fact, it was a bad sign you both consumed 3 bottles of wine on the first date.
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It was actually not a date at all. We were actually planning to hang out as friends that day. But then everything happened.
Okay, so you believe he’s in love with you?

At first well yes. But now im really confused with everything that i have read. And i think i have feelings for him too. But now i feel like i just fell into the trap. Im really confused. I feel stupid. Im hurting, i cant focus, i cant sleep.
Posted by rufflestruffles

Okay, so you believe he’s in love with you?

At first well yes. But now im really confused with everything that i have read. And i think i have feelings for him too. But now i feel like i just fell into the trap. Im really confused. I feel stupid. Im hurting, i cant focus, i cant sleep.
I think you need to take time to yourself and find your happiness from within. If you’re stressing out over some text messages I would hate to see how you’d react if the relationship progresses and real problems occur. It hasn’t been a month yet and you’re losing sleep over this??
Posted by rufflestruffles

(very long post)


first. you need to figure out what to do with your depression and all that, for your own sake, and for any future partner/family, therapy is always a good start.

second. aquas and leos are a big no-no.

our sun signs should describe our egos, and you already showed it, playing the texting game, and feeling upset after not getting it your way, that's a huge red flag with squares suns, so you either move on or decide to conscientiously stop doing that, the only solution is swallowing your pride those moments of "he 'should' do X" and ask for things yourself, and that's half the story, he would need to do the same, otherwise this is totally doom.

also he sound either young or very naive, I would pass on young aquas, they "love" really fast, and move on even faster than that.

also, you're giving him space? from what? you haven't say you saw each other that much anyway.
Posted by virgal_perfectionist





I think you need to take time to yourself and find your happiness from within. If you’re stressing out over some text messages I would hate to see how you’d react if the relationship progresses and real problems occur. It hasn’t been a month yet and you’re losing sleep over this??
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To be honest i feel like its a mistake that we kissed. I think i got attached because of that. I cant accept the fact that i was ignored. Like i didnt mean something to him and he got on days without saying a single word to me. Because im starting to feel something for him too and i feel so stupid for having those feelings.
Posted by Endless
Posted by rufflestruffles

(very long post)


first. you need to figure out what to do with your depression and all that, for your own sake, and for any future partner/family, therapy is always a good start.

second. aquas and leos are a big no-no.

our sun signs should describe our egos, and you already showed it, playing the texting game, and feeling upset after not getting it your way, that's a huge red flag with squares suns, so you either move on or decide to conscientiously stop doing that, the only solution is swallowing your pride those moments of "he 'should' do X" and ask for things yourself, and that's half the story, he would need to do the same, otherwise this is totally doom.

also he sound either young or very naive, I would pass on young aquas, they "love" really fast, and move on even faster than that.

also, you're giving him space? from what? you haven't say you saw each other that much anyway.
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He is a year younger than me. I did not want to bother him because i know how aquas need time to recharge after a stressful week at work, i did not want to look needy and clingy.
Sending a text saying "hey", is clinging/needy? You're right, it's better to remain mute.

I don't know if this guy loves you or what his motivation is but you'll only find out if you get to know more about him and that means having a conversation.

I agree with the others, it doesn't feel like you are emotionally strong enough at this point to have a healthy dynamic in a relationship so best you probably keep working on that for yourself.

I knew I shouldn't have left my corner of dxp
Posted by Aquarelle
Posted by rufflestruffles

....after that our conversations went back to normal. the next day i decided to tell him the truth. that if he is looking for a relationship with someone i dont think im the one, i told him the real reason. i have chronic depression and i am unstable, i want to be open and honest and lay down my cards.


I think this is the real reason why he isn't so keen anymore.

You told him you were not ready for a relationship so you basically rejected him. You are the cause of this, not him. So if you want to fix this, reach out and try to talk to him in person.
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And, if I am reading this right, he texted her to say he saw her and goodnight and she never responded. Not even the next day because she was waiting for him to text again.
I would also stop texting someone who didn't ever text me first. Talk to him if you want to talk to him, it's not really worth losing sleep over seeming clingy.


Also... Don't ever believe when a guy tells you he loves you this early. That's a major red flag.
He was interested and then you were very direct and told him you were not the one for him. You took back all your perceived power loss.. He said okay just to soothe his own ego

Would it be a far stretch to say that he feels jaded after that? Slowly got his power back?

Find the happiness within yourself 1st. Because you're using him and his emotions when YOU want them. You've lost the control you thought you had.

Dont text. Find your own happiness with yourself 1st.

Yet another case of Infatuation...



User Submitted Image
"I cant accept the fact that i was ignored. Like i didnt mean something to him and he got on days without saying a single word to me. Because im starting to feel something for him too and i feel so stupid for having those feelings".

What you are feeling is your ego. The same thing that stops you doing what you want to do (aka contact him).
If you contact him, at least you'll know what the story is and be able to move on or be with him?
Posted by DMV

He was interested and then you were very direct and told him you were not the one for him. You took back all your perceived power loss.. He said okay just to soothe his own ego

Would it be a far stretch to say that he feels jaded after that? Slowly got his power back?

Find the happiness within yourself 1st. Because you're using him and his emotions when YOU want them. You've lost the control you thought you had.

Dont text. Find your own happiness with yourself 1st.
Agree with this
I appreciate all the comments and advice all of you has given me. I think i need to make sure of how i feel first, if i really do feel something for him or is it just my ego who is really hurting. I know i really care about him and how he is doing. And some of you might be right that it is just infatuation and i dont need to overthink this.

Update about the topic:

He finally texted me earlier very random message. He said its raining (he knows i dont like the rain). and then he sent me a picture of the food he is having for lunch. I am not used to this kind of behaviour, its probably the aquarian in him or its juts probably who he is. After icing me out, now this.

I will try not to make a fuss about this in my head anymore. It doesnt help me. I felt even more depress these past few days because of this. I dont know how but i want my attachment to him to be neutralized, sometimes when i think about it i cant stand the thought of detaching. I feel somehow addicted to the feeling of having to always talk to him. I dont know if i just like the challenge or what. I'm also not sure if i feel challenged because we speak different languages and we only have a common ground of english. I'm korean, he's taiwanese. yes i can understand mandarin but i cant speak properly, we mostly rely on english when we do talk.


I will also take the advice on focusing on myself more than obssessing to this feeling.


Again thank you everyone. Sending love on all of you.
I agree with this 👆

I really think he is interested and he is showing it to you. I don’t understand why you don’t see it. It may be his Aquarius way that you are not used to.

He already told you he loves you and that not talking to you for 3 days drives him crazy. Lol, what more do you want?

You have to show him that you are interested. Reply to his messages and don’t be scared of contacting him. Don’t let your Leo pride get on the way.

You think that Aquarius needs lots of space and you are playing it too cool. They need lots of communication.

Good luck! I don’t think you understand him at all. But obviously by reading most of the comments you are not the only one. 🤦‍♀️

Posted by rufflestruffles

I appreciate all the comments and advice all of you has given me. I think i need to make sure of how i feel first, if i really do feel something for him or is it just my ego who is really hurting. I know i really care about him and how he is doing. And some of you might be right that it is just infatuation and i dont need to overthink this.

Update about the topic:

He finally texted me earlier very random message. He said its raining (he knows i dont like the rain). and then he sent me a picture of the food he is having for lunch. I am not used to this kind of behaviour, its probably the aquarian in him or its juts probably who he is. After icing me out, now this.

I will try not to make a fuss about this in my head anymore. It doesnt help me. I felt even more depress these past few days because of this. I dont know how but i want my attachment to him to be neutralized, sometimes when i think about it i cant stand the thought of detaching. I feel somehow addicted to the feeling of having to always talk to him. I dont know if i just like the challenge or what. I'm also not sure if i feel challenged because we speak different languages and we only have a common ground of english. I'm korean, he's taiwanese. yes i can understand mandarin but i cant speak properly, we mostly rely on english when we do talk.


I will also take the advice on focusing on myself more than obssessing to this feeling.


Again thank you everyone. Sending love on all of you.
How did he "ice you out"?


I don’t know if you are overthinking it. I think you really need to think about why you wait around all day for a message from him and then get so upset, don’t you have a life to get on with? Also, if you are attracted then why don’t you just make something happen, you work with this guy? You could wait until your depression suddenly gets better, or you can learn to life with depression and not let it stop you from doing things? I’m not sure how it works in your mind. I think Leos tend to make a big fuss over things, they talk about themselves all the time and love attention (even now I can tell you do from your messages). And if you aren’t sure about your feelings for him, or you have feelings you don’t want... then I would still go for coffee with him.. and btw it’s not hard.. you just message him “coffee?” ..if you’re worried about rejection, not much he can reject from that message (other than coffee).

Waiting around for happiness to hit you in the face doesn’t always make you happy, sometimes doing what you want does. I think some of the comments are unfair, I could also say that you have depression and therefore you can’t do anything about it, but I think you need a little encouragement to do what you want. Going for a coffee with him does not mean you are dating, it’s just experience and it’s just getting answers about how you really feel.
I understand where you're coming from OP.

Try not to make him a priority. Focus on yourself.

Something ultimately triggered an insecurity within you. Gotta figure that out.
Most important thing I've learned about relationships is communication. Say what's on your mind. Either you find out he's a dickhead, or you were really overthinking.

Some men won't like your depression - others will be more patient and detached. He has already seen your blues and is still hanging around
Posted by rufflestruffles
Posted by thatlibralife
Posted by rufflestruffles

I have this colleague at work, he is an aquarius, im a leo. i know him from work for almost a year already, but its just recently (Feb 1.) that we started to actually talking to each other, he asked my female colleague about my number and then we started chatting. Everything was going well we have almost the same interest but not totally. I feel very attracted to him and i can feel he feels the same, so one day we invited me out after work (we are both on morning shift so we both clocked out at 1500h) at first we just want to have coffee and ended up drinking 3 bottles of wine. After talking for hours while drinking. I was pretty tired and drunk already. We kissed. i dont know who kissed who first. and then i left him and went home already. I didnt talk to him for a few days. and finally he broke his silence he sent me a message saying that he really likes me and thinks that he has already fallen inlove with me already, that this is the first time in 3 years that he felt this way again, and that us not talking for a few days drives him insane. i got a little scared and happy at the same time. after that our conversations went back to normal. the next day i decided to tell him the truth. that if he is looking for a relationship with someone i dont think im the one, i told him the real reason. i have chronic depression and i am unstable, i want to be open and honest and lay down my cards. he said he will wait for me and it doesnt matter to him. so we went back to talking everyday and i feel really happy and i feel alive again. but then we changed shifts already, our text became fewer and fewer, i understand this because i know we have different shift. one night he messaged me saying that he is drunk because he went out with other colleagues. i said okay enjoy your night out. the next day i feel like he was a bit cold but thats okay, i know he needs his space. the following day he just texted me to say that he saw me. and that i should rest early and bid me good night (i wasnt able to reply to this anymore because i fell asleep). the following day (this is his off day) so i was waiting for him to text me the whole day, but nothing. even one message no. i feel a little upset and i actually wanted to text him first but i thought about it and i think texting him first is not a good idea. so i didnt messaged him at all. did i do the right thing? why do i feel iced out? i feel like an idiot. im also starting to have feelings for him too. i actually miss him very much. i dont know what to do next.


Please just put the ego aside and text him. He said he's in love with you for goodness sake. What more do you need? You're getting in your own way....


Im really confused. If i should just give him space because he probably is recharging by himself. Or if i should text him first. And if i will text him first. I dont know what to say for me to sound casual and not needy/clingy because i know aquarius men hate those.
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You're right so wait for him to text you first.
Posted by Ramin
Posted by Biboroon

I would also stop texting someone who didn't ever text me first. Talk to him if you want to talk to him, it's not really worth losing sleep over seeming clingy.


Also... Don't ever believe when a guy tells you he loves you this early. That's a major red flag.


I love you Biboroon. ❤️
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😦😯😵
Posted by rufflestruffles

I appreciate all the comments and advice all of you has given me. I think i need to make sure of how i feel first, if i really do feel something for him or is it just my ego who is really hurting. I know i really care about him and how he is doing. And some of you might be right that it is just infatuation and i dont need to overthink this.

Update about the topic:

He finally texted me earlier very random message. He said its raining (he knows i dont like the rain). and then he sent me a picture of the food he is having for lunch. I am not used to this kind of behaviour, its probably the aquarian in him or its juts probably who he is. After icing me out, now this.

I will try not to make a fuss about this in my head anymore. It doesnt help me. I felt even more depress these past few days because of this. I dont know how but i want my attachment to him to be neutralized, sometimes when i think about it i cant stand the thought of detaching. I feel somehow addicted to the feeling of having to always talk to him. I dont know if i just like the challenge or what. I'm also not sure if i feel challenged because we speak different languages and we only have a common ground of english. I'm korean, he's taiwanese. yes i can understand mandarin but i cant speak properly, we mostly rely on english when we do talk.


I will also take the advice on focusing on myself more than obssessing to this feeling.


Again thank you everyone. Sending love on all of you.
He didn't ICE you out but you ICED him out by rejecting him because of your depression. Then you turn around and expect him to pursue you relentlessly after rejecting him. Make it make sense.

The fact that he's still reaching out after you rejected him and didn't reply back to his text message and was quite short in your response to him when he texted you again which means he's still interested in you.

Chill out. Find something productive to do besides obsessing over who contacts who first. Allow everything to unfold organically if you want to pursue a relationship despite your struggles with depression. Allow yourself to experience a bit of happiness.
Posted by tiki33
Posted by rufflestruffles

I appreciate all the comments and advice all of you has given me. I think i need to make sure of how i feel first, if i really do feel something for him or is it just my ego who is really hurting. I know i really care about him and how he is doing. And some of you might be right that it is just infatuation and i dont need to overthink this.

Update about the topic:

He finally texted me earlier very random message. He said its raining (he knows i dont like the rain). and then he sent me a picture of the food he is having for lunch. I am not used to this kind of behaviour, its probably the aquarian in him or its juts probably who he is. After icing me out, now this.

I will try not to make a fuss about this in my head anymore. It doesnt help me. I felt even more depress these past few days because of this. I dont know how but i want my attachment to him to be neutralized, sometimes when i think about it i cant stand the thought of detaching. I feel somehow addicted to the feeling of having to always talk to him. I dont know if i just like the challenge or what. I'm also not sure if i feel challenged because we speak different languages and we only have a common ground of english. I'm korean, he's taiwanese. yes i can understand mandarin but i cant speak properly, we mostly rely on english when we do talk.


I will also take the advice on focusing on myself more than obssessing to this feeling.


Again thank you everyone. Sending love on all of you.


He didn't ICE you out but you ICED him out by rejecting him because of your depression. Then you turn around and expect him to pursue you relentlessly after rejecting him. Make it make sense.

The fact that he's still reaching out after you rejected him and didn't reply back to his text message and was quite short in your response to him when he texted you again which means he's still interested in you.

Chill out. Find something productive to do besides obsessing over who contacts who first. Allow everything to unfold organically if you want to pursue a relationship despite your struggles with depression. Allow yourself to experience a bit of happiness.
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^^needs to be repeated^^

Especially the first 2 paragraphs.He confessed to You. You said your in no position to start a relationship. He said he will wait and is maintaining contact. He is respecting what you Said. It's on you to give him the CLEARLY communicated go ahead, to start pursuing something more with you. Your ego absolutely has things twisted.

@rufflestruffles