His actions are breaking my heart

This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by TechieAquaBarbie on Monday, January 14, 2019 and has 10 replies.
TLBig GrinR

My boyfriend does not put a lot of effort into our relationship. He barely calls or talks to me and to me its clear I’m not a priority at all. I’ve warned him enough times and now I’m trying to decide how to move forward.

Backstory

I’ve been seeing this Gemini guy since June. We made it official in November. Everything was going great before September when he accepted a new position at a new job.

The guy I met in June is completely different from the guy I’m with now. It used to be that he would make time and seemed to enjoy hanging out with me...but ever since this job...he’s been more stressed and just barely fitting me into his life. It seems after we got together in Nov it has gotten so much worse...like a nosedive.

I’ve accepted that he’s busy and I can only see him maybe once a week but he barely even calls or texts me. I text him something encouraging in the morning and maybe something funny during the day and I might get an emoji at 8pm at night. He’s busy but no one is THAT busy. If we do have a conversation on the phone it’s for like 5 mins tops before he tells me he has to go.

What’s worse is...I haven’t seen him since New Years and he still makes time to do different things during the weekend. The weekend after New Years he popped up at a beach with his best friend. Didn’t tell me he was going...didn’t try and make time to see me...nothing. There are no “I miss you”s or him asking when he’s going to see me again....that’s usually me asking.

The last straw for me was Thursday night when he didn’t text me at all and I’m used to him at least liking my text or sending some emoji. I was legitimately concerned. He responded very late at night that he had a tough day and his boss wrote him up. So then I told him that I would help him with his work or do anything I could to make sure he succeeds but I asked him not to ignore me and we ended the night like that. The next day, he did the EXACT same thing...never even texted me back when I asked if things were better at work...he sent some stupid IG video at 7pm through IG but that was it.

Now, I’m in my detachment phase. He called Saturday back to back four times and sent some stupid music video...he called again and I only answered because I wanted to make sure he was okay...he said he was and I ended the phone call with him. I can’t do this...I’ve been nothing but supportive and there for him. We have a great time ALWAYS when we do hang out. But the hard truth for me here is that I’m simply not a priority to him. I’m stuck on what I should do...see if he reaches out again? Should I reach out since he called me last? This is a loose end for me and I would be willing to give him one more chance as long as he knew what my final position was...but I’m also trying to prepare myself to never talk to him again in life. Thoughts?

Sidenote: We were/are supposed to be going out of town in a couple weeks for my bday...

His prioritiy now is his work so you are feeling left out. Is understandable.

You have two choices. Live him and move on or use this time off to concentrate in your self and do things you like while he is busy.



Yes he is stressed out and now you see true him and where you stand in his life. If you want to wait - are you sure he is worth waiting for?

Tough times aren’t for you 2 because one of you apparently isn’t cut out to be a support in relationships. Sorry.
You got a choice here. Because right now, it sounds like the dude is overly stressed at work. It sounds like he's in over his head at work at his new job, and is trying not to get fired. By the sound of it, since he got written up, he is failing.

You can choose to stop making demands of him in terms of communication style , and not pressure him. Allow yourself to be put on the back burner, so to speak, while he figures his work out. This means allowing him to split what little free time he seems to have, between you and his friends. This means, putting your need for him to spend what little free time he does have, solely with you, to the wayside.

or

You can choose not to allow yourself to be put on the back burner until he figures it out, and move on. This means, putting your needs ahead of him. Understanding that, for you to be happy in a relationship, the person must always make an effort, regardless of life events. This isn't a bad thing, it is just a deal breaker for you.
Posted by TechieAquaBarbie

TLBig GrinR

My boyfriend does not put a lot of effort into our relationship. He barely calls or talks to me and to me its clear I’m not a priority at all. I’ve warned him enough times and now I’m trying to decide how to move forward.

Backstory

I’ve been seeing this Gemini guy since June. We made it official in November. Everything was going great before September when he accepted a new position at a new job.

The guy I met in June is completely different from the guy I’m with now. It used to be that he would make time and seemed to enjoy hanging out with me...but ever since this job...he’s been more stressed and just barely fitting me into his life. It seems after we got together in Nov it has gotten so much worse...like a nosedive.

I’ve accepted that he’s busy and I can only see him maybe once a week but he barely even calls or texts me. I text him something encouraging in the morning and maybe something funny during the day and I might get an emoji at 8pm at night. He’s busy but no one is THAT busy. If we do have a conversation on the phone it’s for like 5 mins tops before he tells me he has to go.

What’s worse is...I haven’t seen him since New Years and he still makes time to do different things during the weekend. The weekend after New Years he popped up at a beach with his best friend. Didn’t tell me he was going...didn’t try and make time to see me...nothing. There are no “I miss you”s or him asking when he’s going to see me again....that’s usually me asking.

The last straw for me was Thursday night when he didn’t text me at all and I’m used to him at least liking my text or sending some emoji. I was legitimately concerned. He responded very late at night that he had a tough day and his boss wrote him up. So then I told him that I would help him with his work or do anything I could to make sure he succeeds but I asked him not to ignore me and we ended the night like that. The next day, he did the EXACT same thing...never even texted me back when I asked if things were better at work...he sent some stupid IG video at 7pm through IG but that was it.

Now, I’m in my detachment phase. He called Saturday back to back four times and sent some stupid music video...he called again and I only answered because I wanted to make sure he was okay...he said he was and I ended the phone call with him. I can’t do this...I’ve been nothing but supportive and there for him. We have a great time ALWAYS when we do hang out. But the hard truth for me here is that I’m simply not a priority to him. I’m stuck on what I should do...see if he reaches out again? Should I reach out since he called me last? This is a loose end for me and I would be willing to give him one more chance as long as he knew what my final position was...but I’m also trying to prepare myself to never talk to him again in life. Thoughts?

Sidenote: We were/are supposed to be going out of town in a couple weeks for my bday...

Despite being extremely busy and stressed out with work - you yourself have said that no one is THAT busy. I have a relative who burns the midnight oil at work yet still makes enough time for his partner - she IS a priority. I can understand short bouts of busy periods where someone genuinely can’t make time for you. I get someone being stressed or having LESS time. But if he really wanted you and wanted to make it work, believe me he would be finding any opportunity he had in terms of leisurely time, to be with you and to nurture this relationship.

Don’t take crumbs. Just don’t
This relationship is only 2 months old and you are already so unhappy. There’s your answer.
Posted by LadyNeptune

This relationship is only 2 months old and you are already so unhappy. There’s your answer.
We’ve been dating for 7mos but I understand what you mean.
Posted by Coochiecoochiecoo

Posted by TechieAquaBarbie

TLBig GrinR

My boyfriend does not put a lot of effort into our relationship. He barely calls or talks to me and to me its clear I’m not a priority at all. I’ve warned him enough times and now I’m trying to decide how to move forward.

Backstory

I’ve been seeing this Gemini guy since June. We made it official in November. Everything was going great before September when he accepted a new position at a new job.

The guy I met in June is completely different from the guy I’m with now. It used to be that he would make time and seemed to enjoy hanging out with me...but ever since this job...he’s been more stressed and just barely fitting me into his life. It seems after we got together in Nov it has gotten so much worse...like a nosedive.

I’ve accepted that he’s busy and I can only see him maybe once a week but he barely even calls or texts me. I text him something encouraging in the morning and maybe something funny during the day and I might get an emoji at 8pm at night. He’s busy but no one is THAT busy. If we do have a conversation on the phone it’s for like 5 mins tops before he tells me he has to go.

What’s worse is...I haven’t seen him since New Years and he still makes time to do different things during the weekend. The weekend after New Years he popped up at a beach with his best friend. Didn’t tell me he was going...didn’t try and make time to see me...nothing. There are no “I miss you”s or him asking when he’s going to see me again....that’s usually me asking.

The last straw for me was Thursday night when he didn’t text me at all and I’m used to him at least liking my text or sending some emoji. I was legitimately concerned. He responded very late at night that he had a tough day and his boss wrote him up. So then I told him that I would help him with his work or do anything I could to make sure he succeeds but I asked him not to ignore me and we ended the night like that. The next day, he did the EXACT same thing...never even texted me back when I asked if things were better at work...he sent some stupid IG video at 7pm through IG but that was it.

Now, I’m in my detachment phase. He called Saturday back to back four times and sent some stupid music video...he called again and I only answered because I wanted to make sure he was okay...he said he was and I ended the phone call with him. I can’t do this...I’ve been nothing but supportive and there for him. We have a great time ALWAYS when we do hang out. But the hard truth for me here is that I’m simply not a priority to him. I’m stuck on what I should do...see if he reaches out again? Should I reach out since he called me last? This is a loose end for me and I would be willing to give him one more chance as long as he knew what my final position was...but I’m also trying to prepare myself to never talk to him again in life. Thoughts?

Sidenote: We were/are supposed to be going out of town in a couple weeks for my bday...

Despite being extremely busy and stressed out with work - you yourself have said that no one is THAT busy. I have a relative who burns the midnight oil at work yet still makes enough time for his partner - she IS a priority. I can understand short bouts of busy periods where someone genuinely can’t make time for you. I get someone being stressed or having LESS time. But if he really wanted you and wanted to make it work, believe me he would be finding any opportunity he had in terms of leisurely time, to be with you and to nurture this relationship.

Don’t take crumbs. Just don’t
click to expand
This is exactly my point. You completely understand how I’m feeling. If I mean anything to him, it should be a somewhat consistent line of communication. I’ve prided myself on not being a burden and more of an escape. We have fun and I always create a relaxing environment for him. So I don’t really understand why this is happening.

Posted by TechieAquaBarbie

Posted by LadyNeptune

This relationship is only 2 months old and you are already so unhappy. There’s your answer.
We’ve been dating for 7mos but I understand what you mean.
click to expand
Dating is the courting phase. Both parties tend to make more of an effort.

Its after you have em locked down in a relationship that the real person emerges.

And that goes for both of you...

Posted by TechieAquaBarbie

TLBig GrinR

My boyfriend does not put a lot of effort into our relationship. He barely calls or talks to me and to me its clear I’m not a priority at all. I’ve warned him enough times and now I’m trying to decide how to move forward.

Backstory

I’ve been seeing this Gemini guy since June. We made it official in November. Everything was going great before September when he accepted a new position at a new job.

The guy I met in June is completely different from the guy I’m with now. It used to be that he would make time and seemed to enjoy hanging out with me...but ever since this job...he’s been more stressed and just barely fitting me into his life. It seems after we got together in Nov it has gotten so much worse...like a nosedive.

I’ve accepted that he’s busy and I can only see him maybe once a week but he barely even calls or texts me. I text him something encouraging in the morning and maybe something funny during the day and I might get an emoji at 8pm at night. He’s busy but no one is THAT busy. If we do have a conversation on the phone it’s for like 5 mins tops before he tells me he has to go.

What’s worse is...I haven’t seen him since New Years and he still makes time to do different things during the weekend. The weekend after New Years he popped up at a beach with his best friend. Didn’t tell me he was going...didn’t try and make time to see me...nothing.There are no “I miss you”s or him asking when he’s going to see me again....that’s usually me asking.

The last straw for me was Thursday night when he didn’t text me at all and I’m used to him at least liking my text or sending some emoji. I was legitimately concerned. He responded very late at night that he had a tough day and his boss wrote him up. So then I told him that I would help him with his work or do anything I could to make sure he succeeds but I asked him not to ignore me and we ended the night like that. The next day, he did the EXACT same thing...never even texted me back when I asked if things were better at work...he sent some stupid IG video at 7pm through IG but that was it.

Now, I’m in my detachment phase. He called Saturday back to back four times and sent some stupid music video...he called again and I only answered because I wanted to make sure he was okay...he said he was and I ended the phone call with him. I can’t do this...I’ve been nothing but supportive and there for him. We have a great time ALWAYS when we do hang out. But the hard truth for me here is that I’m simply not a priority to him. I’m stuck on what I should do...see if he reaches out again? Should I reach out since he called me last? This is a loose end for me and I would be willing to give him one more chance as long as he knew what my final position was...but I’m also trying to prepare myself to never talk to him again in life. Thoughts?

Sidenote: We were/are supposed to be going out of town in a couple weeks for my bday...

You call the last straw...

"Thursday night when he didn’t text me at all and I’m used to him at least liking my text or sending some emoji. I was legitimately concerned."

However, I call the last straw what I bolded above. Are you sure you are his girlfriend? He presents as though you all are just dating.

If you are sure, this sounds like the infamous "slow fade."

Me personally, committment is what committment does and I don't believe it until I see it. So, when all this started happening to include him hanging out on the weekends, popping up on the beach but, yet "so busy," I wouldn't answer my phone.

Cause it's proof he's a liar. And, I can't stand lying.

Your ego is blinding you from the truth... talking about not being "a priority," when first and foremost he's a liar. You said you know he's hanging out on the weekends and you actually caught, saw him at the beach.

I think he's "slow-fading" you. Or, you transitioned to "back-up" bitch cause of your blind resilience for bullshit.

How difficult is it to have you meet him at the friggin beach?