I cut things off with him and the next night......

This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by Saddie on Thursday, February 28, 2013 and has 22 replies.
he calls me like nothing happend!???? After two months of greatness and creating a strong bond (best friend type) I ended things. Bottom line he has unresolved business elsewhere and I straight up told him that it was unfair to me.In the beginning he made this unresolved business out to be like it was nothing so I figured no big deal as time went on I realized it was more then that. That being said I ended things and told him straight forward that I felt it was best he took care of what ever he needed to and that it was best I took myself out of the situation to keep from creating confusion. Also,that reguardless we would still be friends although I needed space and time to sort things out. I am pretty sure this was not expected because we had just had a great weekend even tho a in depth conversaton of the "unresolved business" took place. He really did not have much to say besides that he understood and could not blame me. So then the next night he calls me like he would every night before like nothing had happend and starts a normal conversation with me. What would be a reason he would do this? I am just trying to understand this behavior a little better.
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You told him you both could still be friends and men are not women, some men don't know what "space/need time" means so you have to be CLEAR, clear as in "I need 6 weeks", I need a couple of months, clarify space as in I'm not communicating with you for 6 weeks, 8 weeks etc etc. You have to specify what you mean or he'll just figure an hour or 2 or 6 is plenty time and space.
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Do you want him in your life or not? You said you wanted to stay friends dont friends talk? If you are done then be done dont confuse the guy. If you want space just dont answer the phone, a aqua will understand, they will just call another friend. Not sure what his issue is, but if its too much for you to handle or, he isnt worth your effort to help him, why be friends anyways the issue is still there. Guess he is hoping you still care.
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I thought I made it clear to him. He did text me after I ended things a few hours later that same night and asked are you okay. I never responded to him. That's not clear? I am of course willing to be friends with him and help him but like I said with space. Of course I want him in my life we get along great and we both bring great things to the table so basically it's not a one sides friendship but I felt there needed to be a time period in between the romantic relationship ending and the normal friendship continuing.
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Posted by feb16aqua
He's an aqua? Just being sure before I tell you that this is what we do.
He doesn't want to lose you.


Yes he is....completely!
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If he is doing that lol.... He is the one having a hard time letting go poor chap. Well granted this unfinished business is not something that is hmm demeaning...
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Posted by NotYourAverageAquarius
If he is doing that lol.... He is the one having a hard time letting go poor chap. Well granted this unfinished business is not something that is hmm demeaning...


Yeah was thinking the same.
Read through your old post and remembered he was the one who could 'read' your thoughts and that you loved him. I bet he was so sure of it too. Situations like these I swear when you say you want to remain friends is never a good thing even if you do mean it. I would've just convenient left that part out lol. It sort of gives the vibe that you are still interested, sad to say I've felt that before and I've made others feel that way just simply by saying "we can still be friends".
Just be stronger and have more conviction behind this. Nowadays if I feel the need to cut contact from someone I will literally go out of my way to do that like blocking their number etc.
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Do you want him in your life or not? You said you wanted to stay friends dont friends talk? If you are done then be done dont confuse the guy. If you want space just dont answer the phone, a aqua will understand, they will just call another friend. Not sure what his issue is, but if its too much for you to handle or, he isnt worth your effort to help him, why be friends anyways the issue is still there. Guess he is hoping you still care.
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Posted by NotYourAverageAquarius
If he is doing that lol.... He is the one having a hard time letting go poor chap. Well granted this unfinished business is not something that is hmm demeaning...


It involves a woman that he had been with for a long time. He has told me where his heart is at with it (he doesnt foresee it working ) and that he has to close that chapter of his life which involves possibly seeing where things could go with her for one more try just because they have kin together. which is his choice but to be honest I do not have to be along for that ride until that oppurtunity gets here for him and for my own good I choose not to be. No matter how I feel about him and no matter how he trys to break it down as being only a POSSIBILITY I still do not think it is a good situation for me to be in. That is the unresolved business.
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Posted by feb16aqua
What about having some understanding for how he feels?


I do have an understanding for how he feels. That feeling of wanting to believe in something new but yet so attached to the old. You're torn as to whether you want to return to something familiar even though it hurts or diving into the unknown and for a moment you indulge in that feeling of loving someone while the guilt eats you away because you simply don't love them, not yet because your heart doesn't even know who to love.
Not saying it feels exactly the same way but it is a selfish behaviour. When you willingly drag someone because you're unsure and haven't worked out past issues, all you are doing is hurting them and hurting yourself at the same time. Fact is you were hurting from the start but you just had to pull someone down with you so you don't feel as lonely. Is that the right thing to do?
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^ In Saddie's case I think it still applies but working on the same principle.
The worst kind of hurt is the unwilling kind.
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I'm sorry but you can't have both. You can't say I want to be friends but still try to cu him off and wonder why he still calls. Its not a man thing, its a human thing. If he thinks you're still friends, he's going to call you. Any odd would. Doing what you did sends mixed signals,. You want space but by saying friends you still want him around. He cared enough to text you to see if you were okay and you ignored him? If you want space this means no communication. Being clear like Tiki said.
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Posted by aquasnoz
Posted by feb16aqua
What about having some understanding for how he feels?


I do have an understanding for how he feels. That feeling of wanting to believe in something new but yet so attached to the old. You're torn as to whether you want to return to something familiar even though it hurts or diving into the unknown and for a moment you indulge in that feeling of loving someone while the guilt eats you away because you simply don't love them, not yet because your heart doesn't even know who to love.
Not saying it feels exactly the same way but it is a selfish behaviour. When you willingly drag someone because you're unsure and haven't worked out past issues, all you are doing is hurting them and hurting yourself at the same time. Fact is you were hurting from the start but you just had to pull someone down with you so you don't feel as lonely. Is that the right thing to do?
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I have say when I take myself "Out" of the situation and look in this is exactly what it looks like. One minute I get the world from him and the next minute I get hardly anything (not talking materials) its up and down. He is stuck in the middle and I see that. You are right about one thing...it is selfish behaviour and id say the same thing about myself if I was doing this to someone too.

Another thing I am confused on the further we got the more controling he got over me, he would tell me I was spending weekends with him instead of asking. He would demand me to do things and of course me being me the more I am demanded the more I do the oppoiste but it still puzzled me why he got like that.
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Posted by beautifulsoul74
I'm sorry but you can't have both. You can't say I want to be friends but still try to cu him off and wonder why he still calls. Its not a man thing, its a human thing. If he thinks you're still friends, he's going to call you. Any odd would. Doing what you did sends mixed signals,. You want space but by saying friends you still want him around. He cared enough to text you to see if you were okay and you ignored him? If you want space this means no communication. Being clear like Tiki said.



Agreed, I will take that as a lesson learned.
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Yeah Saddie I would everytime he texts either ignore or just to not be rude say you know why we can't talk and leave it at that... Like at the initiation of conversation everyday with him.... That's only if you don't want to make him think you are just never interested in anything ever... But if that's difficult for you yeah just straight up ignore. And I you really want him out be rude as hell haha I promise that will get him to look the other way A LOT FASTER
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Posted by NotYourAverageAquarius
Yeah Saddie I would everytime he texts either ignore or just to not be rude say you know why we can't talk and leave it at that... Like at the initiation of conversation everyday with him.... That's only if you don't want to make him think you are just never interested in anything ever... But if that's difficult for you yeah just straight up ignore. And I you really want him out be rude as hell haha I promise that will get him to look the other way A LOT FASTER



I will just ignore because if I say you know why we cant talk it still leaves convo open.
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Posted by feb16aqua
The aquarius male perspective on getting rid of someone. lol I love it, I really do. I even had that happen to me once like that and it made it worse.

lol :p
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I'm not ignoring him forever. This is what I have officially decided to do, when he calls me next I am going to answer and just tell him that I need some space. I do not want to lose our friendship and explain to him I mean friendship as in just that FRIENDSHIP so he is not confused. Then I will let him know that when I am ready to contact him I will be in touch.
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Sounds like a solid plan to me but your going to need to be strong be PREPARED
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I doubt the friend mess will work when attraction is strong, as long as you like him, he likes you, intense feelings of physical emotional attraction and the sex is good, this thing will be popping off again unless you stay completely away forever.
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He is not in a place to give you what you want. It happens. Life is all about timing. Be straight with him. Wish him luck on his journey and then keep it moving. Seriously, it might take him months or even years to finish up his "unfinished business" with his Ex. You don't have to cuss, yell, cry, or bargain. Just open the door and start walking down the path.
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Posted by firewaterearthpiscesvenus
He is not in a place to give you what you want. It happens. Life is all about timing. Be straight with him. Wish him luck on his journey and then keep it moving. Seriously, it might take him months or even years to finish up his "unfinished business" with his Ex. You don't have to cuss, yell, cry, or bargain. Just open the door and start walking down the path.


The hardest thing to do Sad
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