I miss my Aqua...
This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by epidemicdreams on Tuesday, November 26, 2013 and has 5 replies.
So we've been friends for years and have been flirting with the idea of more.
He is hesitant, I think because of my close ties with my daughter's dad. I don't blame him though.
In October we took a trip to see her dad during his layover and on the way back we stopped and stayed the night with Aqua. Things were... quiet... with us. I was tired from driving and emotionally drained, because it is what happens, and I think he picked up on that...
While she and I were visiting her dad, she accidently called her dad by Aqua's name and I messaged Aqua to tell him that and he was like, "Ha! Take that Jay (her dad), suck it!" and made a comment about how he was still laughing later on, which was interesting.
Anyways, it had been a couple weeks and he hadn't really messaged me and I didn't pursue him either and he sent me a message saying 'The more emotionally volatile I become the more fun I have, there has to be something wrong with that." I sat down and asked him what was going on and he said nothing and I called bullshit and he said he feels like he doesn't have time to do the things he wants to do and told him that he usually falls within the margins of what is expected of him and doesn't stray and that it must be exhausting. I then mentioned that my daughter and I missed him and he commented that he needed to take a short road trip.
A week later, I hadn't heard from him and he started messaging me out of the blue and then mid convo disappeared. So, I told him that he always does that and it gets frustrating to which he responded he was at work and had a customer and had to talk to them instead of me and I told him I felt like a dick and he laughed it off.
I miss him... terribly. He lives three hours away and usually we will alternate who goes to see who, this summer it was mainly me going down to him because he is very busy in the summer with work...
But I miss him. I once told him I feel like I send him too much stuff and he told me I didn't and to send more. He'll literally go weeks at a time without talking to me and it makes me crazy lately.
Ughhh. I used to think he was ignoring me but now I don't know...
What is the deal, Aquas?
He is hesitant, I think because of my close ties with my daughter's dad. I don't blame him though.
In October we took a trip to see her dad during his layover and on the way back we stopped and stayed the night with Aqua. Things were... quiet... with us. I was tired from driving and emotionally drained, because it is what happens, and I think he picked up on that...
While she and I were visiting her dad, she accidently called her dad by Aqua's name and I messaged Aqua to tell him that and he was like, "Ha! Take that Jay (her dad), suck it!" and made a comment about how he was still laughing later on, which was interesting.
Anyways, it had been a couple weeks and he hadn't really messaged me and I didn't pursue him either and he sent me a message saying 'The more emotionally volatile I become the more fun I have, there has to be something wrong with that." I sat down and asked him what was going on and he said nothing and I called bullshit and he said he feels like he doesn't have time to do the things he wants to do and told him that he usually falls within the margins of what is expected of him and doesn't stray and that it must be exhausting. I then mentioned that my daughter and I missed him and he commented that he needed to take a short road trip.
A week later, I hadn't heard from him and he started messaging me out of the blue and then mid convo disappeared. So, I told him that he always does that and it gets frustrating to which he responded he was at work and had a customer and had to talk to them instead of me and I told him I felt like a dick and he laughed it off.
I miss him... terribly. He lives three hours away and usually we will alternate who goes to see who, this summer it was mainly me going down to him because he is very busy in the summer with work...
But I miss him. I once told him I feel like I send him too much stuff and he told me I didn't and to send more. He'll literally go weeks at a time without talking to me and it makes me crazy lately.
Ughhh. I used to think he was ignoring me but now I don't know...
What is the deal, Aquas?
Sometimes Aqua friendship can be misinterpreted. If you both have known each other for years, has he ever done this kind of "distancing" before? If he did, did you get all frustrated with him? If he did and you didn't, then what has changed to make you get frustrated? If he didn't, is it only you that is "flirting with the idea of more" and possible that he may not be ready to take your friendship to the next level?
For a long time I questioned if it was just me flirting with the idea of more, in fact, I once explained a little of our relationship on here and get the 'you are just friends' response. But, that isn't the case.
We've talked. Our current situations are that I am a single mom, working fulltime, and going to nursing school fulltime. He is working 3 jobs in addition to building 4 websites for businesses in his home town. Not exactly the most ideal situation for starting a relationship we intend to last.
He has actually told me that his reason for not pursuing things is because he isn't in a place where he can be the kind of boyfriend HE feels like he could be. I've actually made plans to more to his state after I am done with nursing school and he is VERY supportive of that and whenever I talk about what area we should move to he suggests towns directly surrounding his.
We've also gotten into a discussion about what 'marriage' is to us and he stated that marriage to him is basically when you are hanging out with someone all the time so it would make sense to combine incomes and live together. He's logical with his emotions.
I've entertained the fact that we could just be friends but in my heart, deep down, I know that isn't true. Things go nice and slow with us, which is what works for us right now.
The disappearing act happens more lately than it used to. It is longer and more intentional, it feels. My honest thought is that if he doesn't 'talk' to me, he doesn't have to 'miss' me.
I just miss him. And lately I've sent him a lot of messages and feel needy. So I've decided to stop and wait for him to come back around, but in the mean time I miss him. A lot of things have gone on with my ex, since my ex and I are good friends, but my ex is very dramatic at times and intense... which stresses me out sometimes... My aqua is my center and I just need my center.
We've talked. Our current situations are that I am a single mom, working fulltime, and going to nursing school fulltime. He is working 3 jobs in addition to building 4 websites for businesses in his home town. Not exactly the most ideal situation for starting a relationship we intend to last.
He has actually told me that his reason for not pursuing things is because he isn't in a place where he can be the kind of boyfriend HE feels like he could be. I've actually made plans to more to his state after I am done with nursing school and he is VERY supportive of that and whenever I talk about what area we should move to he suggests towns directly surrounding his.
We've also gotten into a discussion about what 'marriage' is to us and he stated that marriage to him is basically when you are hanging out with someone all the time so it would make sense to combine incomes and live together. He's logical with his emotions.
I've entertained the fact that we could just be friends but in my heart, deep down, I know that isn't true. Things go nice and slow with us, which is what works for us right now.
The disappearing act happens more lately than it used to. It is longer and more intentional, it feels. My honest thought is that if he doesn't 'talk' to me, he doesn't have to 'miss' me.
I just miss him. And lately I've sent him a lot of messages and feel needy. So I've decided to stop and wait for him to come back around, but in the mean time I miss him. A lot of things have gone on with my ex, since my ex and I are good friends, but my ex is very dramatic at times and intense... which stresses me out sometimes... My aqua is my center and I just need my center.
I think the reason so many people gave you the "You're just friends & nothing else" speech is b/c sometimes words don't mean nothing if a person won't put their money where their mouth is
Having all the conversations in the world about love, marriage & relationships doesn't mean that a person is having you in mind when talking about it
A good rule of thumb is to remember that if someone sees you as more of a friend, they'll tell you. If someone really really really wants to be with you, they'll tell you AND make the effort to be with you.
All the guessing can be dangerous b/c sometimes when we want something so bad, we end up interpreting things in the way that we WANT to instead of the way it really is. And since you really really like this guy, I think it's important that you get a hold of yourself & make sure that you're looking at things with a sound logical mind. In other words, don't believe it until you see it. We know that logically but we sometimes forget this principle when emotions get involved.
I'm not saying that he doesn't like you or that he's somehow playing you or leading you on. Just saying that you shouldn't be overly excited or overly expectant unless he's told you to or given you way more than a few "random conversations" to give you a sense of the direction this is going. He's got a little bit more to do "actions" wise before I think it's safe for you to keep waiting on him
Having all the conversations in the world about love, marriage & relationships doesn't mean that a person is having you in mind when talking about it
A good rule of thumb is to remember that if someone sees you as more of a friend, they'll tell you. If someone really really really wants to be with you, they'll tell you AND make the effort to be with you.
All the guessing can be dangerous b/c sometimes when we want something so bad, we end up interpreting things in the way that we WANT to instead of the way it really is. And since you really really like this guy, I think it's important that you get a hold of yourself & make sure that you're looking at things with a sound logical mind. In other words, don't believe it until you see it. We know that logically but we sometimes forget this principle when emotions get involved.
I'm not saying that he doesn't like you or that he's somehow playing you or leading you on. Just saying that you shouldn't be overly excited or overly expectant unless he's told you to or given you way more than a few "random conversations" to give you a sense of the direction this is going. He's got a little bit more to do "actions" wise before I think it's safe for you to keep waiting on him
I completely get your drift and I got fed up after he missed my birthday.
I'm not a needy person but when we've been good friends for seven years and he doesn't muster up a happy birthday, that cuts a little deep.
So, I backed off. I kind of stopped talking to him, no messages, nada... He came back around, checked the waters a little disappeared, and then when I called him out, wished me a late birthday wish and then chatted it up like we were right back at the same place.
I'm happy keeping my distance for now. I don't know where we end up but if HE wants me, HE can do the leg work. LOL
All is well, thank you for the input.
I'm not a needy person but when we've been good friends for seven years and he doesn't muster up a happy birthday, that cuts a little deep.
So, I backed off. I kind of stopped talking to him, no messages, nada... He came back around, checked the waters a little disappeared, and then when I called him out, wished me a late birthday wish and then chatted it up like we were right back at the same place.
I'm happy keeping my distance for now. I don't know where we end up but if HE wants me, HE can do the leg work. LOL
All is well, thank you for the input.
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