i need aqua translation

ok, my aqua guy called last night and we touched some on what I asked him. long story short he is not ready for a relationship yet.( surprised !!!! not!) anyway he told me that he hasn't been trying to define what we are doing or trying to put a label on what we are doing. he said that he has been taking things day by day. He also said that he was dissapointed in his self that we had had sex already because he knows that is just going to cloud things and not make the situation better. ( didn't really know how to take that ) but had already decided that I would not be sleeping with him anymore. I guess I just don't understand why he came back around if he wasn't ready ? I didn't ask about the people he is dating or push for more on that subject. But I guess I feel confused because I apperciate the fact that he is being honest but am confused because I want more but want to see what could happen from this. i hate that he is dating but I know that I can't say anything. I guess I feel like well if you feel you want to date than you still don't know ifyou really want me, then why initiate anything ? Now I feel like does he not see me in a romantic way anymore . Does that sound silly ? I don't know , it was a good conversation but i so wanted to tell him that I still loved him and really wanted us to get back together but knew it was a bad idea. I do want to get to know him again and stuff, its just hard because I really want more and he is still not there yet.

i just don't want to stop seeing him like we have, without the sex every once in awhile of course. He didn't say that he wanted to stop seeing me but i guess i just feel bumbed because he still isn't ready

When it comes to sex, men are physical and women are emotional. You've created an emotional attachment to this guy because you've been intimate with him (you're calling him "my aqua guy". Men are very good at separating the physical and the emotional aspects of sex. just because he's not ready to be in a relationship just because he's not having sex with you anymore doesn't mean he's not interested (that's the emotional speaking again).

I'm not sure how long you've been seeing this aqua guy, but if he says he's not ready, he means he's not ready...so don't push him.

Be his friend, go out with him, have fun...if you can't do this while he figures out what to label the two of you, then you're better off distancing yourself until you can get your emotions in check.

in your first post, you said you've decided that you will not be having sex with him anymore....your second post says "every once in a while". don't use sex as your weapon...it won't work.

If someone Aqua or not gives you the "I don't know, or I'm not ready" speech, then take it as "not interested" and move on. If someone is interested, even an Aqua, they will show you in some way shape or form. Aqua's can detach their emotions very quickly and if he is not truly interested he will leave you stringing along because he does not have that emotional attachment to you and will not see how his actions affect you. Be his friend but nothing more. If he develops an interest down the road you will see it and if you choose to you can pursue it at that time.

Crushbuddy, I think you have just received some excellent advice from Starfish225 just now - the "aqua translation" you are looking for has just been revealed to you.....and however hard it is and will be for some time to come, Starfish's path is the only one I would care choose to travel along - if I was in your situation. We can and could dissect and analyse your situation from any and every angle and I'd still say Starfish has the most "complete" and yet simplest answer. As she says, the day will come, when you will say to yourself about him - fine if you want to be in my world and fine if you don't.

Best wishes.

Alana x

he told me that he was not ready because he is still not over his ex and its been 2 years by the way and that as a man he is still not where he would like to be that he is tryng to find a balance in his life right now.

not making excuses for him just want to let you know that something very tragic happened to his niece recently and it has affected the whole family and i feel like he is dealing with all of that too.

houston, I have not slept with him lately . We saw each other a week ago and nothing happen. So yes I mean't what I said that i would not be sleeping with him anymore. I have seen him a total of 7 times and out of that I have slept with him 3 times.

Houston, he is my x we broke up for the same reasons he is being honest about now that he is still not over his x which he could never admit before and that he is still trying to get hisself together. i thought he was coming back around because he was ready. I think that he missed me and missed seeing me but that was it. he said that he has been taking this situation day by day. I am not going to push but I am just like why even initiate if you are still in that same place.

Starfish, I have already fallen to hard if you haven't noitced!!!! LOL So do you still hang out with him ? I feel what your saying , when we broke up I never stopped loving him and even though others have come into my life he has always had my heart. i know that I should have probalby asked more questions in the beginning I just did not want to push to soon . Even without us sleeping together my emotions will still be the same.

crush, why did you break up the first time?

Tragic incident with niece (fair enough - and very sad).....
But 2 years and he is still not over his ex (come on Crushbuddy - aren't the sirens blaring and the alarm bells not dinging in your head) - the U2 song line is in my head - "You've got to get yourself together...you've got stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it..."
Choose to "unstick" yourself - with dignity and class my friend.

Alana x

houston, because he was not over her and could not admit that to me or to hisself. His best friend had to tell me. When we met he was still seeing her on and off and then he completely ended things with her and we got together. He was with her for 5 years and he told me that he never has cared for anyone as much as her. He just admitted it to me recently , he and i were in two different places when were together. I was loving him and he was still loving her. I was giving 100 percent he was giving about 80. I think that relationship really screwed him up. i asked if he ever tried to go back and try again and he said that they talked about how neither one of them was able to move on but knew they were better off friends.

...and i think you and him are better off as friends...

houston, do think that is all he really sees me as right now ?

Crushbuddy, listen to what starfish and everyone else is telling you: move on for you'll only be miserable if you stay. As HP says, don't use sex in that game; you'll only get hurt even more than you are hurting now.
Starfish's experiences is particularly useful. But I'll share mine with you to give you another perspective too. I was with my aqua for about six months when he called it quit. We were seeing each other exclusively although we weren't committed. I knew that he wasn't ready and I accepted it, right or wrong. He just came out of a relationship when I met him though I wasn't the rebound girl, someone else took that role before me. We connected greatly as friends and then lovers. But I obviously was the one who was more emotionally involved in the "relationship" and when my feelings got the better of me and I started being clingy he broke up with me. I was so hurt as I'm sure you can imagine. but then I had also reached that place where I could move on because I focused on me for once (with the help of friends), I focused on what I wanted and like your guy, my aqua had told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship because of his fresh wounds. We met each other about six months after his breakup from a three year, intense relationship. So I knew he was honest. But the truth of it was that it wasn't the whole truth: no matter how painful his break up was, I came to realize that he wouldn't have a relationship with me until I stopped compromising myself with him. And that also meant that I needed to let him go fully if that is what he also wanted.
So I moved on. We remained friends: he was the one to cheer me up the day after the break up. But I decided that I wasn't the kind of friend to stick around, hanging out with him in the hope for more type of friend because again, that would be compromising my needs. A week later he was calling me around in the name of friendship and I didn't bite. When his calls became persistent (calling me at 8:00 in the morning before I get to work) and ready to show that he had stepped up to the plate, I met him and we got back together!
It was a short break up compared to others but the three weeks apart were like years for me and for him I'm sure. We've been together serious for 5 months now.
All this crushbuddy to reiterate what everyone else is saying: don't take that guy's "I'm not ready" words too mean that you have to compromise yourself! Don't sacrifice yourself, MOVE ON!

Long post! hahaha...
So to end:
Dont' hang around like the faithful friend wanting more! he will only respect you for it, be forced to move on himself from his past misery if indeed he is that hung up on it! You have to understand that as long as he knows that he may have sex with you after one of your hang outs, then he has no incentive to make up his mind about you. If you hang out with him "as friends" then you are sending the wrong message! Your message should be: I can pull myself together and I lived alone before knowing you, so I can do it again! You will convey this message by just moving on with your life no matter what!
That is no guarantee that he will come back to you, but it sure is a guarantee that you will open up your heart to someone who is ready to committ to you if that is what you want!

thanks......

"They always come back, he came back the first time trust me he will come back again"

-why is this— if you said before that aqua men only come back when you have touched their heart in a special way, then why do they so easily come back? and why do they so easily leave— hmmm....

Starfish, i understand what your saying and thought I was doing that for 10 months when we were broken because he would do things here and there to initiate contact and i would not bite. So when we started hanging out again i thought this mean't he new what he wanted. Do you think he is being hones about the x and where he is at ? Why doesn't your guy just man up especailly if he knows he loves you ?

wow!!!...that sounds like my relationship with my aqua...i definitely challenge him to grow, and he has grown a LOT over the last 2 1/2 years with me. but, he still has a lot of growing up to do and i think he is afraid to do it. i think he wants to grow up and be more commited, but he either doesn't know how, or he is not ready to.
i almost feel like i was put in his life for a reason...to help him learn and grow as a person...and in that sense, i feel that we are soulmates in a way.

Moonchild, i think your right about that. i feel like my friend sees me as the same way but obviously he is not ready to grow but I guess apart of me feels like i touched him some way because he told me he never has met someone like me before.

you probably have touched him in a special way, and he probably isn't ready for that deep connection from you... which is why you need to completely detach yourself from him for now and do your own thing. that is the only way that he will be able to have time to himself to think about what he wants, and one day he may realize that he wants to have a mature relationship with you...but you will never know unless you detach.

crush, you need to stop making excuses for why he's doing what he's doing. if he wanted to be with you, he'd say it. he said that he isn't ready for a committment, so you just gotta accept that and move on. don't hold out for hope that by spending time with him will make him change his mind as that could backfire.

go out and do you thing and let him sort things out.

*your

I guess thing that still eats at me is the fact that he says he regrets letting me go, he said it a few times and that he wishes we could of had a clean start. and Im like hello idiot what do you think this could be. i am a very spritual person and know that we are in each others lives again for a reason and believe me in my heart that he is my soul mate because of things that have happen while we were broken up. Do you think the regrets are just talk ?

i mean, geez, i have been with my aqua for 2 1/2 years now, so i am living proof that it doesn't get any easier!!! i still get confused and i still worry about things with him, b/c i still feel like even though he is committed to me and the relationship we have, he is not ready for a full time commitment. does that make sense— we still don't live together and we very much have our own lives seperate from each other...which is good. but, with aqua's you can't talk about the future or make any kind of plans and that sometimes gets frustrating, b/c sometimes i want to know that i am investing my time, energy, and love for a good cause. i am not getting any younger, so i would like to know that i am not wasting my time. and with an aqua, you never know...unfortunately.
one thing that still bothers me is that he just mentioned to me last night that he is thinking of going home to see his family for Xmas, and i said "oh"...and then there was silence. i was kind of upset b/c he didn't invite me or ask if i would like to go. that really bothers me, b/c i am his girlfriend of over 2 years and he can't invite me to be with his family for the holiday...makes me feel like shit. and, i always invite him to be with my family b/c that is just the right thing to do...anyway, it does hurt me and he knows by my response on the phone that i was not happy about it. so then he just said, "i don't know yet if i am going or not. we'll see".

well said, UC

but MC, you also have to realize Aquas like to test the waters. could that have been one of his tests...to see how you'd react?

"I do know that I have touched him and made him into a better person even if nothing ever happens between us ever again, I made a difference."

-i absolutely agree. my aqua has told me many times that me being in his life has made him a better person. even his mother has told him that since he has been dating me, he has grown into a better person.

unusalcancer, shouldn't he have purged that in the 10 months that we were apart ?

i agree...very well said, unusualcancer!

hp...it probably is one of his tests...he is always testing me to see what my reaction will be. and if i had gotten mad and said i would rather be with him for the holiday, or if i said "why aren't you inviting me?", etc. he would have wanted to go even more to rebel against me. that is why i have learned to just play cool and not have too much of a reaction!!!

MC, he wanted you to react glad you didn't

Okay, ideally, you want him to say, "I love you...you're my dreamgirl,"

I wish the Libra would say that. heheheheheehhe

unusalcancer, I know it was alot for him I agree. what about the regret part ? to believe or not to believe

i am still wondering about why my aqua bf still cannot invite me to places until the last minute (if he even does!)... for example, not inviting me to go with him for christmas...i know i shouldn't let it bother me, but it does. i mean, we have been together long enough...it's not like i just started dating him 3 motnhs ago!

also, we went for dinner a few weeks ago and he started telling me that he has been going to the strip club every other day after work...and i didn't believe him...and he kept on saying that he does...but i would give him a look and he would say he was just kidding (of course!)... so then i didn't know if he was joking or not. so i said to him that i would not date him anymore if he was going to the strip club...and then he asked me to drop him off at his car...so i thought he was serious...but then he gave me a look and started laughing and once again said he was just kidding around...
WEIRD!!!! so, i wonder if he was thinking of going to the strip club and was testing me to see what my response would be... i don't know.

i'd like to thank starfish225, thanx for the incite on the aqua i'm seeing. it's like i can tell he has feelings but as you know aqua's don't like emotions so they don't deal in them. i've learned not to push. but i second guess myself so much. i am a taurus so you know i'm sooooo emotional. i just keep it to myself but i absolutely adore him. crushbuddy look at the message posted on 1/1/2006 by aquamarine01. they are 14 tips on understanding an aquarius male. trust me it's a god send.

unusalcancer , to me he just doesn't act like someone that regrets. I know I can't speak for him but most people I know when they regret losing someone they don't take the chance of losing them again especailly if they got another chance.

unusualcancer...that's good. i should have said something along those lines!!! but then of course he would have gotten pissed off at me or something...

MC, i think you should put a routine together for him, just to be funny.......

Starfish, what kind of things has he done that were unspoken ?

the last time I slept with my aqua friend, I woke up and he was kissing my shoulders, i thought it was really sweet.

ok, so he sent me a text today and that is the first interaction since are talk. he was sending me a link to download an ablum that is not out yet, that I didn't ask for but he knows I lke this artist's music. i didn't reply, I am happy that he told me the truth but just don't know if he has put me in just pure friend mode or he is still interested in me romantically( meaning liking me more as a friend but just not ready for more )

ladies, these aqua men are magnetic. being on this sight has helped me to better understand my committment phobic friend.the first time i mentioned something more thant what we were doing he didn't call me for a month. it's been almost 3 years since we've been FRIENDS. i stress friends because that's the only word he can handle. he tried to explain this to me the other night.(his logic on this). but thank god for you all i really understand his ass. one time recently i called he didn't call back i gave him my new number and didn't hear from him for a month. of course i assumed it was over.then one day he passed by me in the yard and blew his horn. i waved but saw he was turning around.he says "what were you going to do, never call me again?" ohhhhhh! that's when the light bulb started to come on. his phone broke he lost my number.not being ABLE to call and NOT calling are two different things. i learned you can't be too available. that was my A HA moment with my aqua man. but as you know the plot always continues to thicken. thanx ladies.

omg...you refer to yourselves as "friends" after 3 years of being together— that is CRAZY!!! so, he never introduces you to people as his girlfriend? he just says you are his friend...

hmmm...maybe i shouldn't complain so much about my situation. if i don't get a call every day, i get upset...
my aqua is very affectionate, touchy-feely, tells me he loves me all the time, etc. and he always refers to me as his girlfriend around others...

moonchild yeah that's what we call it. we've been seeing each other for three years. when it starts to feel serious he backs off. so we see other people. i mean what else can i do. either he wants to commit or not. and obviously he doesn't. but i'm crazy about him. and there are times when i can see his feelings but he'll never tell. and when that starts he distants hisself. so i do the same. though i see another man from time to time it's never really serious. good point though. after 3 yrs. we should be something.

starfish how long does the game last. i know i can't come to him with an altimatem. i've gotten to the point where i just keep it movin' and whatever is whatever.when he calls sometimes we'll go out, sometimes (hard as it is) i decline.

Oh My...your being too available sharon...you have to become scarce (😉), so he can come to his senses...you two will either be together or he'll let you go so you can move on.