I really let him go and it hurts like hell!!!!!

Well after three of months of trying to just be his friend things came to a head and I couldn't do it anymore. two weeks ago he took me out for drinks and we had a long talk and he admitted that he was seeing 3 people plus I could tell he was still not over his x. which I knew but not to extent it really was until I noticed that he couldn't look me in the face when he said her name. i told him that I was dating also and bascially it did not sit very well with him or the fact that I was sleeping with someone. him and i have not sleep together since OCT and I was really trying to just be his friend but honestly I was only seeing someone because I knew he was. but when he found out I was sleeping with someone he was very upset which I was like to bad your doing that and then some. Anyway it was killing inside knowing that he was seeing that many people and that he was not over his x. So this pass tuesday I asked him if he was getting serious with someone because one of the girls he is dating lives in NY and he has been going up there every other weekend. he does have family there and friends but he was not going that frequently before. he said that i was focusing on the wrong things and that the people he was seeing were not a factor that just his x was. by the way I am his last x she is the one that was before me. Long story I am tired of being the friend hoping for more. I told him that it had to be all or nothing. Well that was Wed and he texted thursday and said that he wanted to talk but he had a lot on his plate that day and he wanted to talk without being on a time schedule so asked me to please understand that he just couldn't talk because he had a bunch of deadlines. Well you guys its sunday and he still has not called. I know that he is stalling and honestly I know what he is going to say but we really did become friends again and I thought that he would at least call and talk to me because he told me he vauled or friendship. Well maybe that was a lie but i am soooooo hurt. i know that its best for me to move on but i guess there was a part of me that was hoping he would not just let me go again but he did . i really think he might leave it like this so I guess I am going through the hurt now. I just couldn't do it anymore , it was just killing me inside because I love him so much.

also he told me that he still had romantic feelings for me and all but he always trying to be so careful I guess because he didn't want to be a certain way with me and have me start thinking that he wanted a relationship. but thats the thing i guess that hurts because its like do you just not want a relationship and with other people. I have known him three years and we dated one year and a half and i wasn't even the one that initiated anything this time it was him. I alwasy second guess myself when it comes to him. its like I know that I did the right thing but my heart keeps saying maybe you didn't. it just hurts so bad.

thanks branh0913, he was pretty mad that i was sleeping with someone and I asked if him was acting different with me because of it and he said no but I he just thought that since i loved so much that I wouldn't go there just date but not go there. I know that when things get intense he runs in the other direction but I also know that when he says he is going to do something he usually does thats why I am surprised that he has not called. its so selfish and hurtful. I know that he doesn't want a relationship but i guess I wanted to let me know that I was about to walk away not because I owed that to him but because I wanted him to stop me. he said that he still felt something between and that he knows that I am a good as women but I still feel like he doesn't see my worth or my vaule.

I agree antibling, i didn't think that at first but when I found out all that he had going on i started to feel that way. I honestly thought if he knew i was sleeping with someone he might step and realize that it bothered him more than he wanted to realize but it didn't do anything but I guess make him mad.

I had thought about sending him and email just expressing the way i feel but don't know if thats the right thing to do.

unusualcancer, I felt like that was genunine at first because he said that he wanted to build a deeper friendship. but when I found out what was going on I was like maybe he is just putting in the friend catergory because he wants to see what else is out there and keep just in case. I know that I am a good women but my self esteem is really messing with me right now. I guess I am feeling like why can't i be enough ——?? we have history and the only reason we broke was because I was giving 100 percent and he was giving 70 and its because he heart was always with his x girlfriend who treated him like shit but they were together for 5 years.

i guess i just feel like he thinks there is better out there for him.

he said that he wasn't mad about me sleeping with someone but his actions showed that he was . and i asked him if he was still upset and he said no.

i just don't know any 35 year old men that stil act the way he does.

i guess part of my problem is for a long time I wasn't seeing him for who his really is but for what I wanted him to be or know that he could be. I know what your saying, but when we were together we got along great , just thought that he may have grown since we broke up but i guess not. especailly when he tells me that he knows that I am a good women and as a women your like well if you know that then why would you do something to mess it up. when we started to see each other again he told me that he regretted letting me go but if that was really true this would not be happening right now.

antibling, he is very attractive but I have had guys very attractive before. we just have mad chemistry and we get along really well and he doesn't deny that.

i guess part of me will always wonder what if —— because i feel like we never fully explored the potiental of a real realtionship because he always had baggage holding him back from opening his heart fully. he told me that he knows that he will not be able to love anyone else until he lets that go but i don't think he wants to.

its crazy , I feel like I would hurt more if he got into a new relationship with someone than if he went back to his x.

why would say that he wanted to talk and just not call ?

antibling, do you mean he is waiting for me to give in ?

branh0913, i was already mad and confused when he said that. its just so f......ing messed up. and the fact that he hasn't tells me that he had no intentions of talking about anything

leo kitten, i did tell him it was all or nothing and i am taking his actions to mean it s nothing . i know that i gave him a choice and he chose.

i mean thought about saying to him or texting " in gone....i decided....i deserve more but don't know if its better just to not say anything at all.

no i don't like playing games at all. I am done.......just sorting through it i guess. never felt this way about anyone before.

thanks for the advice, i know that i made the right decision. just hurts.

"i even pay for dinner"

You can't be that ugly.

...

Right?

"hahahah yama. well i do not pay in the beginning....but in a relationship....why not? i mean i make a good living and so does he. over the course of several months why should he have to be the only one spending and spending. i would not say it is 50/50...."

Always nice to see a woman that does more than just talk about equality.🙂

"and i am a leo. is it possible to be ugly? LOL."

Not in your mind, which I reckon is what counts.🙂

Does she have self-esteem issues?

"Afterall, dating is basically prostitution with a plot."

Ah, so dating is to prostitution what erotic films are to porn?


Yah, I can see that.😛

unusualcancer, thanks i am not going to say word. even though i would luv to cuss him out.

leo, i haven't been sleeping with him . I told him that we could not sleep together as soon as I found out he was dating . what you said early really hit me that I should have never giving him a choice!!!! you really got to me

we haven't slept together since OCT we would just hang out and kiss sometimes but no sex .

leo, so are you saying that i should text him and say im gone or leave it alone.

I am a sag and yes i can tell people off pretty well, it just that he is my x and I tried that before with him and maybe silence this time is the best measure. i like the last word too, but in away I don't want him to know that he truly got the best of me, if that makes any sense. even though i am a freaking mess right now and i already went out like a punk and gave him a choice , i just don't think that he deserves anymore of my energy. i actually did right an email expressing everything I am feeling but just didn't send it. it was pretty hard not to but I didn't.

i am not going to do anything but leave it be. that is huge for me unusualcancer because I am such a closure person. what you describe d is what i would usually do in the past , go off and call him all types of names and how fu......ed he was but this time I am just not going to say a word. i have grown alot since we broke up and feel like he is still the same person. If did say anything it would that and how hurt I am that he said that he vauled or friendship and in the end that was not the truth. I feel like for him to admit that he has feelings for his x is huge for him to say because he would never admit it before but although i feel is his being honest about alot of things , he is not being completely honest. but I know that i have no control over anything he does. just was really hoping that he was coming back around because he knew what he wanted. oh well.......

i wrote for me, not going to send it

i don't even have any plans tonight, but I will make sure my phone is away from me if i do something.

he is not going to call me!!! i think he is out of town probably with one of the 4 women he's seeing. plus he knows where I stand so not expecting him too. if he did I have no intentions of talking to him.

branh0913, that would be to close for comfort because i think that is where he is at least that is where he said he was going the last time we spoke.

yeah i do, thanks for the tip. I guess something might come up later if not i will just be home.

leo, thats what it will probably be. just keeping torturing my self think about him bringing in the new year with someone. i know .....why even think about that.

unusual cancer- i agree totally

well you guys I made it through the night with know drunken phone calls but this morning I am itching to cuss him out or send an email because I want to have the last word. I am hurt that he is being so selfish. he is making it as if I did something to do and i all I did is make him accountable for his actions. this is just crazy......i know its a new year but I thought he just might text and say happy new year at least and nothing from him at all.

"Aquarians like their relationship superficial. They don't like anything really all that deep, or meaniful. This is why you see them run in opposite directions when things get intense. why is that?"

-Oh, wow!!! this is so very true...they are comfortable in superficial relationships b/c there is no commitment, no pressure...everything is simple and fun. but i think that they really do long for that emotional, deep relationship...they just can't hang!

I don't know about other Aquarians, but I know that for me that is not true.

I think that it has more to do with how interesting and alive the relationship is, compared to how superficial or deep the relationship is.

We like our relationships to have direction and purpose, at least that's the case for the Aquarians I've met. We like to have projects and goals that we work towards together and we like new and exciting events to occur often. We want to engage our minds just as much as our hearts into a relationship.

Without that, we may just get bored of a emotionally based relationshp and seem superficial. The way to an Aquarians heart is through their mind, engaging their minds in causes and projects together can bring an Aquarian very close to you and really surprise you.

ok, ok...let me rephrase that. it is probably more significant in aquarius males, as i don't know any aqua females that prefer non-committed relationships.

aqua men seem to "run" from deep, emotional relationships and usually run into the arms of a girl that can provide him with a superficial relationship, one that requires no effort or emotion...

having a hard time today, needless to say I haven't heard from him and its been a week. there is still so much I wan't to say for my closure. this is torture..... i just can't believe he hasn't said anything

his never done anything like this before, anytime he would say that he wanted to talk about something he would address it.

Crushbuddy,

My heart goes out to you. Please hang in there. Do not call, text or e-mail this Aqua guy. He doesn't deserve the attention. I've felt the exact same way you do regarding a guy also (he's not an Aqua, but I am). The more communication I wished to have, the less I got. It wasn't until I stopped that he started up again. Now I've washed my hands of him. It was what I decided to do as 2007 was going to start. You must stay strong, and not let him know he holds all the cards. Self-respect is needed here. You have to show him, you don't need him. Also it takes two for a relationship to start. If one party is not contributing, then there is nothing more you can do but drop it. Remember this and this is the motto I live by:
"If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, it was meant to be, if it doesn't, it never was yours in the first place".

Life is a series of high and lows, but for everything we go through there is a lesson. Not always while we are in the drama do we see the lessons we are suppose to learn. When we step back and distance ourselves, we give ourselves time to clear our head and see things the way they really are. This Aqua guy doesn't deserve the attention he's getting in your head. However, I know it's not always easy to erase someone you care about. So what you should try to do, is think about the positive things and smile. Be glad for the time you did have with him. You are on your way to the next level. Things will get better. You just have to believe and have faith.

i just keep seconding guessing myself, maybe I should have said nothing and just disappeared. he has never done anything like this before. for those three months I tried to deal as long as I could. he never has done this, just said he wanted to talk and just walked away.

i guess i feel like why even say your going to call so we can talk , why just not leave it be and say nothing.

your right Leokitten

Leo, when you say his behavior in not at all in uncommon. do you mean as far as an Aqua is concern ? or men in general ?

I totally agree with unusualcancer. I had the same thing happen with me and the guy isn't even an Aqua. He wants to controll everything. I finally had enough of it.