I'm confused- can anyone explain this?

This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by Gemini1984 on Saturday, March 12, 2011 and has 50 replies.
No offense, but you are completely hopeless. I have no words...
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LMAO ^
I was just about the say the same thing. .
but really its been 3 months,let the guy have some and stop being so analytical about everything and take it from there,otherwise you'll continue going in a circle until he decides he doesn't want to play anymore.
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1. Wow. This guy is quite arrogant to believe that he's ENTITLED to having your body before he commits to you.
2. Alot of guys (not all) will dangle the word "committment/relationship" over a woman's head in the very beginning when things are light & non-serious, b/c they know that lots of women want to hear that & feed into that. Don't take it personal though; there really are some women who will hear "I'm ready for love" (even if the guy doesn't mean it) & based on his words, she'll sleep with him & be ready to give it all up to him. Imagine the look on her face months later when she realizes that his "I'm ready for love" story was all crap & just a made up story to entice her into giving him the benefits he's really NOT willing/ready to work for.
3. He never was ready for committment. Either that or he is BUT just decided that YOU aren't the 1 he wants to commit to. That happens. Men have a change of heart all the time.
4. Don't sleep with him. He's entirely too focused on getting in bed with you. If he really truly likes you like he swears he does, he wouldn't be acting like it'd kill him if you guys don't have sex. His main focus is sex, not committment. Holding out won't make want you as a girlfriend more though. It'll only drive him more crazy (b/c his true intentions will be revealed) & he'll eventually end up leaving you alone altogether.
5. Put yourself in his shoes. If you made up a bullshxt story about wanting a relationship all just for the purpose of tricking a girl into having sex with you, wouldn't YOU be mad if you found out 3 months later that your evil planned hasn't worked yet? Even worse, wouldn't you TOO be mad if you realized that the person you've been trying to trick/manipulate is giving you hints that she's onto you? You'd be PISSED!
6. Leave him alone. 3 months is nothing! There are 1 million things to get to know/learn about someone, so much so that if he were truly trying to get to know you (vs. focusing on what you can give him or do for him--there's a difference), he'd be so pre-occupied & admiring the process of getting to know you that he wouldn't even have time to make sex his main focus.
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He's a big contradiction. A part of being "exclusive" to begin with means that you're finally willing to stop fooling around with/sleeping around with other people so that you can mainly focus on 1 person, NOT just sexually BUT ALSO mentally & emotionally. So it doesn't make sense that he's begging you to believe that he's not sleeping around with anyone else (i.e. exclusive) but yet looking at you like you've offended him when you ask him to be um...exclusive. THERE'S your answer right there
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Posted by krysrenee7
4. Don't sleep with him. He's entirely too focused on getting in bed with you. If he really truly likes you like he swears he does, he wouldn't be acting like it'd kill him if you guys don't have sex. His main focus is sex, not committment. Holding out won't make want you as a girlfriend more though. It'll only drive him more crazy (b/c his true intentions will be revealed) & he'll eventually end up leaving you alone altogether.



What I've been trying to say the entire time! Come on Gem84...it's not that hard to see the light. Seriously.
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I don't know. I wouldn't think he'd spend 3 months talking to me and spending his weekends with me etc , and only be wanting sex? That doesn't make sense to me. I feel its a mexican stand off. He won't be my "bf" until I sleep with him and I wont sleep with him until he's my bf. Then he says of course he's not going to be talking to other girls if we were sleeping together. He said "When I have a gf, 100% in it. I spend all my time with her, im 100% loyal, i want to meet all her friends and her family. Im not at that point with you yet. not 3 months in! Its too soon". I dpon;t understand why he can't just say he won't sleep with anyone else if we start sleeping together, even tho he claims he's already doing that and hasn't been with anyone since he got tested a couple months ago when I asked him to do that. I dont know, he seems really frustsrated, he said that im playing some game, and have no regards for his feelings and I dont know how to be in a relationship. And that I drive him nuts. He drives ME nuts!
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Posted by dreamer23
In your other posts you were asking if you SHOULD sleep with him. So are you saying you went ahead and did it anyway?

No, I did not. I was planning on it but brought up thatr i only feel comfortable doing that when Im in a committed relationship with someone. then we got into an argument.
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Posted by THEKingofLibra
Limp dick motherfucker. Its been 3 months and he still haven't fucked you


So? I like him more than any guy Ive ever met and am 100% attracted to him.
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Spending his weekends with you?? You mean the same guy that doesn't return your texts/calls and only comes around when he wants to? The same guy that is frustrated about you not having sex with him, INSTEAD of YOU not wanting to commit to HIM. Yea...this guys sounds like a real winner.
You can paint whatever pretty picture in your head that you want to justify why it's okay to continue liking him...but bottom line is he doesn't not want commitment with you. Wow...a mexican standoff? No honey....plain and simple he wants sex with no commitment and you want sex only with commitment. Gee...this is SOOO hard and confusing. Not.
He claims you have no regard for his feelings....?? What feelings are those exactly?...that you don't want to have sex with him? Hmmm...definitely feelings that aren't coming from his heart and more so from his dick. He also says that you don't know how to be in a relationship. You mean the same man that won't commit to you? Yea...you're definitely the one with commitment issues here. How pathetic. Talk about playing on a woman's insecurities and trying to make her feel guilty over absolutely nothing!
WAKE UP!!!! If you like this man more than any other man you've met...then you deserve to be with him.
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Posted by 0987654321234567890
Men don't usually commit to a woman they've never even had sex with, and so frankly, you are doing things ass backwards. Sorry, but you are. I've tried to explain the intimacy factor to you.
I mean we used to do that sort of thing back in high school, right? Wait for the guy to ask us to "go out with him", date him for many, many months and then finally give in, if it even lasted that long. But most adults don't operate in that manner, gem.
I see you as holding back sex until you gain security, and that just doesn't work. When you enter into a relationship, you need to be able to take on a bit of risk. If you can't do that, then you may find things difficult in the future. I'm not saying be a complete slut or behave irresponsibly, but I am saying that sex before a total commitment is not that bad if you are responsible and are reasonable about things. Besides, any guy can commit to you one day, have sex with you the next, and break up with you the next, so what does it matter? A commitment is only as important as you make it and that takes time, sex, love, etc.
You have created a platonic friendship. And that is where you need to leave it ... smile



This is true in dating for the modern-day society. However, she shouldn't have to conform to this just because she's more traditional. F*ck that. If she's not comfortable with it, then that's the bottom-line and she shouldn't change just to "fit in." I know plenty of men who will wait for a girl without trying to make her feel guilty for not having sex with them, which is exactly what he's doing. The way this man pressures her is just unnecessary & that's why he looks like a total douche bag.
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Posted by THEKingofLibra
Posted by Gemini1984
Posted by THEKingofLibra
Limp dick motherfucker. Its been 3 months and he still haven't fucked you


So? I like him more than any guy Ive ever met and am 100% attracted to him.


Why am I dumb for not sleeping with him yet?? What's wrong with wanting to get to know him first?
Well then you are dumber than you let on.
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You're making excuses for him. Trust me honey, there are PLENTY of guys who will absolutely "do what they've gotta do" & in his case, say what they've gotta say in order to get the benefits he was TRULY seeking.
You say "3 months" as if a guy waiting for 3 months is like 3 years.
Keep in mind, it's always easier for a guy to pretend to "wait" with 1 female, if he's sleeping with other females. While he's getting all the sex in the world from other women, he's sitting on your couch acting like sex isn't that big of a deal. In your guy's case, it is!
It's not about what he IS willing to do/say; it's about what he's NOT willing to do or say. This guy spending all his time with you doesn't mean a thing if he's not willing to commit to you; you even said so yourself. What you want AND deserve is a committment & this is 1 thing he's NOT only willing to not say, but he's also NOT willing to commit either.
This guy fed you a bunch of bull & broken promises. The proof is in the pudding, considering how that it's time for the committment & he's all of the sudden coming up short. He's eating his words now & it's b/c he NEVER meant them the 1st time.
You don't go giving your body away on someone else's time or based on what somebody else feels. YOU base it on YOU & YOUR feelings & how comfortable YOU are. So it doesn't matter what kind of guy he is, what insecurities he has, what things he fears, what goodies he wants really bad, nor does it matter how much of a tantrum he throws when he doesn't get sex from you. It's about the fact that YOU'RE not ready. If you have sex b/c everyone else is ready BUT you, then you'll be having sex for all the wrong reasons.
Giving it up just to keep a man NEVER works. If he really cared 2 licks about you, yes he'll spend all his time with you BUT what he'll ALSO do is respect your feelings, respect your level of comfortability in things, not pressure you into something that you're clearly not ready for, commit to you b/c he wants to AND b/c he knows you deserve it.
What he's NOT willing to do/say paints the true picture of this guy's feelings for you AND his intentions with you.
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If you want a different outcome than what you're currently getting, you're gonna have to start at the basics 101. And that's: being real with yourself & being able to acknowledge & accept the situation for what it is.
Hell, I can come over into your world & spend 3 months with you. That doesn't mean I care about you. It just means that I'm 1 of those people who might just so happen to have more patience than others when it comes to getting what I REALLY wanted.
Guys aren't dumb. They've gotten smarter. Some don't have the balls to tell a woman up front, "Look, all I want is sex" so instead they'll tell you the 1 thing they know all females want to hear in the beginning ("I'm ready for love; I'm looking for a relationship) just to bait you. Once they see that you've fallen for it, they'll start spending time with you, saying sweet nothings' in your ears all day, etc. BUT if you'll notice, guys like this always come up short AND have a long list of excuses when it's finally time to discuss committment, which is pretty damn conveinant considering THEY were the 1s who claimed they wanted it way before you did.
Trust me, he's not going to be around that much longer. 3 months is not that long of a time to wait, even if he's NOT sleeping around with other women. He may not mind just sleeping with you & no one else, BUT what he DOES mind is being in a committed relationship with you. And ultimately, not only should you want a man whose ok with being exclusive with you sexually, but ALSO someone whose ok with you being ENOUGH emotionally & mentally too. And this guy is showing you better than he can tell you that he doesn't feel that you're enough. That's why he's got a 20 mile-long list of "I cant's"
The more you make excuses for him & the more you allow him to win when he plays reverse psychology & flips the script on you, the more he WON'T have an incentive to make you his official girlfriend.
You're convincing yourself that this whole situation is confusing. No it's not. His intentions are VERY clear. Whatever it is that he talks about the most & seems to be focused on the most spells out his intentions. It sucks BUT it is what it is. Stop tricking yourself & be honest b/c what you've been doing so far is NOT working.
Either leave this guy alone OR don't be surprised when he all of the sudden disappears 30 days from now.
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Posted by 0987654321234567890
Ask him to take you for a buggy ride. Tongue


Tongue I've always wondered how you remember your screen name every time you log in because you've got a lot of numbers going on there!
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Posted by 0987654321234567890
The are consecutive numbers Tongue


Lol..yea I realized that after I posted the message. I hate math, so before...I just saw a whole bunch of numbers and got overwhelmed.
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This is the exact moment all our mothers were telling us about. The moment when we're seeing someone who is pressuring us to give it up before we're really ready. The moment when some man whose been saying all these sweet things, just so happens to start acting funny when it's time to discuss committment, but yet gets all excited & passionate about sex. The moment when mama warned us to STAY AWAY from men who were more passionate about you sexually than they are mentally/emotionally. Sex is the ICING on the cake, NOT the cake itself.
He's indirectly warning you that his patience is being worn short all b/c you won't have sex with him. He's telling you that for him, sex IS the cake AND the icing, while yet you just wish you both could finish getting to learn 1 another & fully establishing a foundation before any icing is given.
Of course he doesn't see eye to eye with you. And it's b/c his intentions are different than yours. It's b/c what he wants & what you want are 2 DIFFERENT things. Bump what he "SAID" a few weeks/months ago. Pay more attention to his actions. Pay more attention to the fact that this guy has the nerve to be offended/insulted that you actually want to get to know him more before giving it up.
Honey, there are plenty of other fish in the sea that actually WILL appreciate a girl like you even more. Who actually will respect/appreciate you more for not falling to the pressure vs. this guy who seems to be losing interest b/c you won't give it up.
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Posted by ellessque
deja vu.
you neglected to bring up all the other stuff in the last two threads and now you are making this out as if he is the blame when clearly you don't know what you want.
you also neglected to bring up the fact you've been "getting him off" with your hand.
you are not the dangling carrot, you are the rabbit.


What do you mean by "you are the rabbit?"
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Posted by ellessque
after five or so threads you STILL don't know what you want.
why don't you try writing in down. not on here, in a journal or notebook or something.
really take some time out and write down what Gemini1984 wants from a relationship.
fold it up and put it in a safe place for at least 72 hours.
then pull it back out and read it. see if it still pertains.
keep repeating until you really have a list of what YOU want. Not HIM, but YOU.
then talk to him about it. based on all of your threads, I see him standing still with his head in a whirlwind because he can't figure you out. you're lucky, most aquas would be GONE. Maybe he already is and you don't know it, but....you haven't stayed still long enough to notice.
babes, you have to define you. that is truly the only way.


I agree with you. I think he is very confused and thinks I am nuts. He just doesn;t get why I won;t sleep with him and he s taking it as rejection rightnow i think. All my excuses, Im getting over a cold, its a week day, i have to get up early, its after 3 am, there's baby oil on you which could decrease the effect of a condom, the condom's expired, I'm stressed from work, etc etc.
We met on a dating website actually 3 months ago, and he stopped going on it since we started dating. Now all of a sudden he went back on and updated his profile to say "Please dont be crazy". lol. So yea, I think i did drive him nuts. Anyways, I texted him, apologized for how friday night went down and told him I'm happy with teh way things are. And Asked if he wanted to hang out friday".So, hesaid that sounds good. He told me he wouldnt sleep with other girls or talk to other girls if we were sleeping together so thats good enough for me. I never meet guys Im attracted to, hes std free, i know him pretty well, I might as well have sex with him for the experience of it. I mean, its been 10 years for me! I don't want to wait another 10! It's not fair. I'm very strange where i need a strong mental attraction, and he def has that for me.
This happens with every guy.And it always comes down to sexual frustration for them. Obviously continuing to hold out does not work, so I might as well try another approach this time. My friends claim it's bc I m too hot so all they think about is sex. Not sure if this is true. But I guess I'll find out!
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On 1 hand, if you're teasing him sexually, you shouldn't be so surprised that he's reading b/w the lines & assuming that sex is exactly what he'll end up getting soon.
HOWEVER, it's not what she is willing to do that he should pay more attention to; it's what she's NOT willing to do. Regardless of what words she's told him, her actions (or lack thereof) are speaking for her. It's the same thing when he dangles around the word committment, but yet never comes through with his actions. People say alot of things, BUT it's what they DON'T/WON'T say that really counts sometimes.
If you're not ready to have sex, don't give him the signal that you are. Technically, no matter how hard/much you tease him, that still doesn't make him entitled to getting the benefits. It may make you dead wrong for teasing him, BUT you teasing someone doesn't mean that the person being teased deserves to get laid any faster.
I don't believe in "giving in" sex. If you're not ready, don't sleep with him & during this time, make sure the signals you're sending out to him aren't mixed. Giving it up shouldn't be the price you pay or be the punishment all b/c you tease someone. No matter what kinda teasing goes on, you still shouldn't give it up until you are ready.
And if you are ready, mean it. Don't tease him & then pull away when the time comes b/c yes, he'll mistake your fear as you playing mind games. And you know what happens when a man thinks a woman is playing mind games with him!
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You guys are BOTH dangling words around to eachother. You're dangling the word "sex" around like a carrot just like he's dangling the word "committment" around. Neither of you plan oon doing it any time soon, but it sounds good so you both let those words slip from your mouth, w/o even realizing that YES, once spoken, the other person absolutely WILL hold you to it
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Wow. Good luck with this. I have no idea how it'll turn out and hopefully it'll be in your favor. I just can't believe the excuses you have made for this man to rationalize why it's ok to be with him in only the way he wants. You have totally cast aside your beliefs and what you feel...you have not stood your ground as a woman, and to me that makes you weak. I'm sorry to say it, but I just wish you'd be a little stronger on your feet.
Out of all the stuff Ellessque said, the only thing you took away was "He is confused"...and that's because that's the only thing you wanted to hear all along because it fits into the pretty picture you have painted in your head. He is not confused and you do not drive him crazy. He knows how you feel...the only thing that "drives him crazy" is the fact that he can't f*uck you. Trust me...that's not something to feel special about. He knows exactly what he wants, while you don't. That's because you don't know how to stand on your own, will sacrifice your beliefs to "keep" a man, and as Mr. #'s up there stated....you definitely got intimacy issues. You will not work thru them either by going this route. So what if you have been "alone" for 10 years...is this a reason to settle? SMDFH
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Posted by 0987654321234567890
"and as Mr. #'s up there stated...."
Mrs.




I'm sorry...I feel bad now. Typo...hehe Tongue
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Posted by candyapples88
Wow. Good luck with this. I have no idea how it'll turn out and hopefully it'll be in your favor. I just can't believe the excuses you have made for this man to rationalize why it's ok to be with him in only the way he wants. You have totally cast aside your beliefs and what you feel...you have not stood your ground as a woman, and to me that makes you weak. I'm sorry to say it, but I just wish you'd be a little stronger on your feet.
Out of all the stuff Ellessque said, the only thing you took away was "He is confused"...and that's because that's the only thing you wanted to hear all along because it fits into the pretty picture you have painted in your head. He is not confused and you do not drive him crazy. He knows how you feel...the only thing that "drives him crazy" is the fact that he can't f*uck you. Trust me...that's not something to feel special about. He knows exactly what he wants, while you don't. That's because you don't know how to stand on your own, will sacrifice your beliefs to "keep" a man, and as Mr. #'s up there stated....you definitely got intimacy issues. You will not work thru them either by going this route. So what if you have been "alone" for 10 years...is this a reason to settle? SMDFH


Well, part of the reasons I have intimacy issues is bc I am afraid of it. The only way to face fears is to do it. The only thing that has kept me from sleeping with him already is nervousness, anxiety etc. He's teh first guy i've found in 10 years that I'm really attracted to, I'd like to have sex at least ONCE while I am still young, just to experience it again. He's also the first guy I ever gave a bj to as well, and the reason I never did that was for the same reasons(anxiety, nervousness). So I'm glad I was able to experience that. I just think the only way I can grow and learn to be intimate w/o freaking out is to do it. And he seems like a good candidate, meaning I know him well, he has no stds and Im really attracted to him.
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Posted by Gemini1984
Well, part of the reasons I have intimacy issues is bc I am afraid of it. The only way to face fears is to do it. The only thing that has kept me from sleeping with him already is nervousness, anxiety etc. He's teh first guy i've found in 10 years that I'm really attracted to, I'd like to have sex at least ONCE while I am still young, just to experience it again. He's also the first guy I ever gave a bj to as well, and the reason I never did that was for the same reasons(anxiety, nervousness). So I'm glad I was able to experience that. I just think the only way I can grow and learn to be intimate w/o freaking out is to do it. And he seems like a good candidate, meaning I know him well, he has no stds and Im really attracted to him.


You know what...now that you've explained it that way, I'm not mad at you. I wish you would've chosen another person because you no doubt could experience these things with someone more worthy. However, I see and feel your need to break out of your shell. Although it's probably not the safest way to do it...because you must think about the fact that if you open yourself up to this man, have sex with him....there's always the possibility he might bounce afterwards. If he does, this will leave you hurt and even more anxious/nervous about intimacy. You have to keep this in mind, especially with him because of how much emphasis he puts on sex. If it's a risk you're willing to take and think you can handle it...then do you.
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Posted by 0987654321234567890
No that's okay. I've decided to become genderless.




I feel like my opps is equivalent to me asking a woman how far along she in her pregnancy and she's not even pregnant!
You will be Number IT.
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Posted by amethyst2002
Seriously though, if you have issues with intimacy, for the love of god, pick someone better than this douche. Based on this behavior of his, he's not the most ideal choice. Find a guy that you TRUST, not just are purely attracted to. That was my main thing with the first guy I'd be with because I was a bit intimidated with all the intimacy and whatnot. Thankfully, he WAS trustworthy and didn't make it weird for me. If I had a bad experience, I'm sure it would have been WORSE to try to get away from that intimidation.
In your case, you could have even more issues with intimacy if you give it up to this douchebag. NO decent guy is going to use sex as some effed up leverage to get what he wants. You seriously need to realize that. You're only attracted to him because of lust. Not love. Once the lust clears, you're gonna go, "oh shit, what was I thinking??"


I agree with what you are saying, but out of the last 10 years this is the first guy that has tolerated me this long. BC of my intimacy issues I usally push guys away, and they dont stick around very long. This guy is still here after 3 months. A good friend of mine that knows all about me told me once that I should go out and have a one night stand with someone just to feel that closeness to someone and that it would be good for me. I could never do that. How is this any worse than that?? I mean, I know him, my friends have met him, he works with one of my good friends, I've met his friends, he got an std test for me etc. All Im saying is that this will be a good experience for me. I mean, do I really wat to meet my husband in teh future and be having all these anxieties etc about sex with himYes, I realize that he may "bounce" after, but that is a risk I am willing to take. I think the benfits outweigh the risk.
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Posted by candyapples88
Posted by Gemini1984
Well, part of the reasons I have intimacy issues is bc I am afraid of it. The only way to face fears is to do it. The only thing that has kept me from sleeping with him already is nervousness, anxiety etc. He's teh first guy i've found in 10 years that I'm really attracted to, I'd like to have sex at least ONCE while I am still young, just to experience it again. He's also the first guy I ever gave a bj to as well, and the reason I never did that was for the same reasons(anxiety, nervousness). So I'm glad I was able to experience that. I just think the only way I can grow and learn to be intimate w/o freaking out is to do it. And he seems like a good candidate, meaning I know him well, he has no stds and Im really attracted to him.


You know what...now that you've explained it that way, I'm not mad at you. I wish you would've chosen another person because you no doubt could experience these things with someone more worthy. However, I see and feel your need to break out of your shell. Although it's probably not the safest way to do it...because you must think about the fact that if you open yourself up to this man, have sex with him....there's always the possibility he might bounce afterwards. If he does, this will leave you hurt and even more anxious/nervous about intimacy. You have to keep this in mind, especially with him because of how much emphasis he puts on sex. If it's a risk you're willing to take and think you can handle it...then do you.
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And also, mental attraction plays a BIG part in sexual attraction for me. I've never been someone who could even makeout with someone super hot unless i knew them and had a mental connection, hence why I rarely find a guy I like. I can count the guys Ive been attracted to on one of my hands. And yes, he is not too worthy. But the fact that I didn;t even make out with him til our 7th date makes him a little less risky. I mean, if a guy is looking for an FWB I really don't think I'm the kind of girl they would waste time with (especially weekend nights, etc). But again, if he turns out to be a deutschbag then oh well. I mean, I live my life taking no risks, if you dont take any risks you can;t get any rewards.
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Posted by dreamer23
I think you should really look into some professional help to sort through these issues as well. Having sex is not going cure you. Though you will feel a hell of a lot better, it will be temporary. Get to the source of the issue; get some help.



Everyone has issues on some level - no one is perfect. Mine just so happens to be I don;t like taking risks!
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and btw I am a triple gemini....sun moon and mercury all in gemini. So triple the crazy...Unfortunaletly psychologists can not change planet placement.
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Posted by ellessque
Posted by Gemini1984
I agree with what you are saying, but out of the last 10 years this is the first guy that has tolerated me this long.


Sad
that is the wrong reason to have sex with the guy.
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Let me rephrase that. This is the first guy that (I have really liked) that has tolerated me this long. Yea, theres been a few others in teh past 10 years but they don't stick around long after how i act. So I never get to the point where i am comfortable/know them well enough to have sex.
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Posted by dreamer23
Posted by Gemini1984
and btw I am a triple gemini....sun moon and mercury all in gemini. So triple the crazy...Unfortunaletly psychologists can not change planet placement.

I wouldnt give astrology all of the credit for the things that ail you. We all have our issues true, but you have been paralyzed by yours for 10 years. If you cant see that that warrants real examination then you are not even close to resolving your problem. I dont know you so I wont try to psychoanalyze you; forgive me. Just offering a different perspective.
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Well, its not that simple. O90% of the problem is I injured my leg when I was younger, my femur bone, and it is a little twisted out , like my hip bone. and it kind of makes certain sexual positions uncomfortable for me (mainly missionary). Anyways, I never had a problem with it until I got in a fight with the 2nd guy I ever slept with and he said "I dont want to have sex with no crooked leg woman anyway!". And ever since then I've had problems. I'm always afraid a guy is going to reject me once he sees this flaw I have. Maybe its a big deal, maybe not, but it's just always stopped me from getting intimate with someone. Yes, TMI , but in my case maybe it will help me by having sex with this guy and him NOT caring about my "flaw" . But no psychologist in the world can help me with that (unless they have sex with me) haha. Then again, if he does, then I will prob just go my whole life celibate or maybe I will become a nun! I just feel Im missing out on a lot bc of this.
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Posted by amethyst2002
I find it sad that you're settling. Three months is nothing, really. Don't settle.


I don't see how I'm "settling". There has been many guys I could have slept with but chose not to. I'm really attracted to this guy. If Im going to finally have sex I want to be able to enjoy it!
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Instead of seeing him as a "player" or a guy just after a shag, have you thought about this:
Perhaps, like you, he has a need to feel closer to you in some way before he commits to being your partner.
Attaching negativities and name-calling and the like isn't going to help you here. Sleep with him, don't sleep with him, it doesn't really matter at this point. What does matter is that you find out exactly why he feels the need to sleep with you before he'll class you as his partner. And go from there.
(P.S: If he were a player, he'd likely have lost interest by now).
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LOL,like I said. . .
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You won't sleep with him because you have a leg injury?
TELL him that. Tell him, explain it to him if he isn't already aware.
Shit, how many people do you think have perfect bodies? None.
Explain it to him so he knows what the story is. And, if it's really blighting your life to this extent - seek therapy for it. I'm not saying you're a nutjob, I'm saying you have an issue with something that is hindering your intimate life and it can be helped.
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So I did it...and he lasted literally 2 seconds. Does this even count as sex?!
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Posted by Gemini1984
So I did it...and he lasted literally 2 seconds. Does this even count as sex?!


Try again smile and again...
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Well, we did try again a few hours later after some drinks etc. And THIS time in teh middle of it it "stopped working" properly, if you know what I mean. he blamed it on whiskey d*ick? I said maybe hes not attracted to me in which case he went on and on about how thats not true and how much he likes me bla bla bla.
I def find this ironic, especially after all his talk about he knows everything about dating and sex etc. Then I go to have sex with him, and both times he messed it up! Figures.I think he was very very embarrased...
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Posted by Gemini1984
Well, we did try again a few hours later after some drinks etc. And THIS time in teh middle of it it "stopped working" properly, if you know what I mean. he blamed it on whiskey d*ick? I said maybe hes not attracted to me in which case he went on and on about how thats not true and how much he likes me bla bla bla.
I def find this ironic, especially after all his talk about he knows everything about dating and sex etc. Then I go to have sex with him, and both times he messed it up! Figures.I think he was very very embarrased...


Also, he wanted to try for a round 3, and I just said "why dont we just start fresh next time?" I figured at that point it was like beating a dead horse...
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Posted by dreamer23
Have you guys discussed it all since it happened?


Besides a couple random text messages back and forth, no. The night it happened, I mentioned I had a busy week at work, and he mentioned he wanted to come over during the week, and I was silent, so then he mentioned the weekend. So i don't know. I hope I didn't give off the wrong impression.
Oh, well, only time will tell.
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Posted by dreamer23
Posted by Gemini1984
Posted by dreamer23
Have you guys discussed it all since it happened?


Besides a couple random text messages back and forth, no. The night it happened, I mentioned I had a busy week at work, and he mentioned he wanted to come over during the week, and I was silent, so then he mentioned the weekend. So i don't know. I hope I didn't give off the wrong impression.
Oh, well, only time will tell.

So, I take it you want to try again? He wants to come over because he wants to try make up for what happened. I dont blame the guy.
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I don't know, maybe I should just quit while I'm ahead!
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Yeah. Wtf is going on?
I can't commit to anyone I haven't fucked first either. I highly enjoy sex and if you can't hang or are incompatible sexually it's not gonna work out! If I am starting a relationship with someone and he hasn't given it up after a few months then I will be moving on. Or there better be a damn good reason.
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Posted by ninjamu
Yeah. Wtf is going on?
I can't commit to anyone I haven't fucked first either. I highly enjoy sex and if you can't hang or are incompatible sexually it's not gonna work out! If I am starting a relationship with someone and he hasn't given it up after a few months then I will be moving on. Or there better be a damn good reason.


Well, what would you define as incompatible sexually? would u define this as sexual incompatability? (finishing in one second the first time then going soft the 2nd time?) He said "the first times are always awkward and things will get better".
I don't know, im kinda confused now especially when one time I mentioned that he doesn't put a lot of effot in "pleasing me". And he responded with "Thats what sex is for!". Apparantly not.....
He is/was def all talk!
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He could have just felt pressured because of all the emphasis he was putting on sex, the emphasis you were putting on about no sex....then also knowing you haven't had sex in a while. It's just seems a lot was riding on finally getting the deed done.
I remember with another aqua I dated (not the current one)...the first time we had sex, I didn't even let him finish because I was just not feeling it. Needless to say, I gave it another shot...and still to this day he is one of the best.
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Posted by candyapples88
He could have just felt pressured because of all the emphasis he was putting on sex, the emphasis you were putting on about no sex....then also knowing you haven't had sex in a while. It's just seems a lot was riding on finally getting the deed done.
I remember with another aqua I dated (not the current one)...the first time we had sex, I didn't even let him finish because I was just not feeling it. Needless to say, I gave it another shot...and still to this day he is one of the best.


Well, I havent heard from him in a few days. Not sure if he's embarrassed or what? I guess if he never contacts me again, I'll never know!
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I thought you said that you've shot texts here and there to each other..? Well...if he is truly embarrassed, he might be waiting for you to make the first move because he know he somewhat failed and doesn't wanna get rejected and put himself in a more vulnerable position than he already has. I remember with the aqua I was referring to before, I think it took him about 3 weeks to contact me afterwards....I think he got a little nervous about it all.
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Posted by candyapples88
I thought you said that you've shot texts here and there to each other..? Well...if he is truly embarrassed, he might be waiting for you to make the first move because he know he somewhat failed and doesn't wanna get rejected and put himself in a more vulnerable position than he already has. I remember with the aqua I was referring to before, I think it took him about 3 weeks to contact me afterwards....I think he got a little nervous about it all.


Well, I didn't want him to feel rejected after I was not enthusiastic when he said he wanted to get together this week (I just kind of stared in space) and again when he mentioned friday night. And also when I turned him down for a "3rd round" and I said "Lets just start fresh next time". So I did text him shortly after he left and I said "Im already looking forward to the next time..." and he said " I know, me too smile "
But that was it...
So I don't know if I should wait for him or make some kind of contact? Usually I would not, but not sure with these circumstances....what do you suggest? Just wait? He definitely was embarrassed. I mentioned that I get an A for effort and he goes "yea, I get an F". lol.
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Posted by Gemini1984
Posted by candyapples88
I thought you said that you've shot texts here and there to each other..? Well...if he is truly embarrassed, he might be waiting for you to make the first move because he know he somewhat failed and doesn't wanna get rejected and put himself in a more vulnerable position than he already has. I remember with the aqua I was referring to before, I think it took him about 3 weeks to contact me afterwards....I think he got a little nervous about it all.


Well, I didn't want him to feel rejected after I was not enthusiastic when he said he wanted to get together this week (I just kind of stared in space) and again when he mentioned friday night. And also when I turned him down for a "3rd round" and I said "Lets just start fresh next time". So I did text him shortly after he left and I said "Im already looking forward to the next time..." and he said " I know, me too smile "
But that was it...
So I don't know if I should wait for him or make some kind of contact? Usually I would not, but not sure with these circumstances....what do you suggest? Just wait? He definitely was embarrassed. I mentioned that I get an A for effort and he goes "yea, I get an F". lol.
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Giving the circumstances and how he epically failed, I would probably say it's appropriate for you to reach out to him. I can only imagine the mortification he is feeling to even try to suggest it again to you. You don't have to necessarily hit him up to make plans, but just let him know that you're still there and will be regardless of his 'shortcomings.'
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Posted by candyapples88
Posted by Gemini1984
Posted by candyapples88
I thought you said that you've shot texts here and there to each other..? Well...if he is truly embarrassed, he might be waiting for you to make the first move because he know he somewhat failed and doesn't wanna get rejected and put himself in a more vulnerable position than he already has. I remember with the aqua I was referring to before, I think it took him about 3 weeks to contact me afterwards....I think he got a little nervous about it all.


Well, I didn't want him to feel rejected after I was not enthusiastic when he said he wanted to get together this week (I just kind of stared in space) and again when he mentioned friday night. And also when I turned him down for a "3rd round" and I said "Lets just start fresh next time". So I did text him shortly after he left and I said "Im already looking forward to the next time..." and he said " I know, me too smile "
But that was it...
So I don't know if I should wait for him or make some kind of contact? Usually I would not, but not sure with these circumstances....what do you suggest? Just wait? He definitely was embarrassed. I mentioned that I get an A for effort and he goes "yea, I get an F". lol.


Giving the circumstances and how he epically failed, I would probably say it's appropriate for you to reach out to him. I can only imagine the mortification he is feeling to even try to suggest it again to you. You don't have to necessarily hit him up to make plans, but just let him know that you're still there and will be regardless of his 'shortcomings.'
click to expand


So I reached out to him, asked him how his week has been. Then we made plans to hang out friday, and he said "I'm cool with staying in at your place again, maybe rent a movie". Is this a bad sign?Not sure if that is, or he's just afraid to drink again after what happened the last time! We usually go out somewhere when we hang out on weekends.
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Posted by aquagirl24
i dont know what to say gemini1984. u are HOPELESS the way someone mentioned in the 1st place. are you really a gemini???
i have no words and very disappointed by you, but hey c'est la vie.
back to what brianafay said. she was right! u are a slut and hopeless. good luck with ur vagina.


Yes, I;m sure I'm a gemini, I'm a triple gemini fact. How does this make me hopeless? It was his fault it didn't go as well as it could have? And Im a slut bc I hooked up with someoen after a few months of dating him? Seriously? So most people who hook up after a month of dating is what? A complete prostitute by your standards?
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