In need of a laugh?

This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by Yama on Saturday, August 19, 2006 and has 6 replies.

"Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. (Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in their jobs).
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" that tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a "P") and the solutions recorded (marked with an "S") by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
+++
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
+++
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
+++
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
+++
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
+++
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
+++
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to a more believable level.
+++
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
+++
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
+++
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
+++
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
+++
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
+++
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
+++
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
+++
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget."
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oh mah gawd
guffaw
i think i just died?
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dammit i wanna meet some of those maintanence men. if they're as witty in person as they are in their replies, that is.
*sigh*
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c.o.c.k.pit is too, if ya choose ta see it thatta way Winking
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absolutely funny!
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A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question
asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the
food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure...
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant
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