Is it possible to get an Aquarius back?
This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by arieslady on Friday, September 9, 2005 and has 26 replies.
I've been reading these posts and add me to the list of those dumped by a male Aquarius! It all seemed so perfect for about 3 months. He was attentive, kind, loving, told me he cared about me, almost took care of me, etc. Then one day, he told me he was seeing someone else - someone who didn't want a relationship - and I was basically history. The loving man turned almost coldly clinical. My question is....why are all these nice women being ditched by these guys? What kind of woman keeps an Aquarius? Has anyone ever been dumped by one and got them back? I was always kind, honest, warm. I put 100% into the relationship and got zero in return in the long run. Do they not appreciate kindness? I know I shouldn't want him back....I only want to try - just once. Oh and big surprise - he says we can be friends if I can handle it (haven't decided yet).
I had to do a double-take when I read your post (I'm an Aries gal too) - as I could have written this myself a few months ago. Only he didn't tell me he'd found someone else, I found that out later. I'm almost tempted to ask you the guys name!
Try to just step away and not contact him at all. Any man (or woman) regardless of his sign - who has such blatant disregard for your feelings shouldn't be worth your tears. He is obviously a very selfish man. Anyone who can turn feelings on and off like that can't be trusted.
"What kind of woman keeps an Aquarius?" - The 1st woman who got my ex to the alter had a green card to offer! Maybe you have to have something he needs!
All sounds so familiar. Just move on dear. If he at all comes back he will leave you again. Once this game has started it will not end. Just move on, there is always something better in store.
So Alice you an Aries too! I think the problem with an Aries/Aquarius relationship is that we are NOW people and they are "let's go slow" people. We are instinct people and they are "let's analyze everything little thing to death" people. I don't think I want him back so much as I want him back the way he was when I first met him...back when it was an illusion of perfection. Honestly, though, they are dumping us for someone. I'm curious to know what kind of woman can keep one. Maybe they don't choose based on their feelings, but on external factors like money, status?
Another Aries here and Hi to you all! Yep...me too, been involved with an Aqua but I was the one who dumped him - finito! You ask,"what kind of woman can keep one?" I believe there are NO women who can KEEP one...they are wanders, free spirits, future minded - always experimenting. I know many Aqua men and not one of them are with the same woman - some are married but have other women on the side, some have been divorced many times, some are single with many girlfriends....not really sure it is in their nature to be with ONE person.
This does not only apply to Aqua's but many of us. Another thing, I have not met one Happy Aquarian man either. The ones that I know who are much older - in their 80's are alone and miserable. Not sure why - just is I suppose. Notice, Oprah isn't married either! Anyone know what sign Stedman is?
Nice to see all of you Aries - keep 'rammin on!
This does not only apply to Aqua's but many of us. Another thing, I have not met one Happy Aquarian man either. The ones that I know who are much older - in their 80's are alone and miserable. Not sure why - just is I suppose. Notice, Oprah isn't married either! Anyone know what sign Stedman is?
Nice to see all of you Aries - keep 'rammin on!
Oh man. I feel your exact pain! My "perfect" relationship with an Aqua man lasted 3 months as well. I am not an Aries but am right on the Aries/Taurus line and quite agree that Aries tend to be spontanious where Aquarius tend to have more calculated change (although from the outside, it seems very abrupt).
I also pondered if there was a certain "type" of woman that would keep their interest considering I was like you-always caring, warm, supportive to him. I came to realize -and this advice was given to me on these boards- that they love control. So the women they love to be around have to be suckers in a way. My Aqua man didn't have the best self esteem. I don't think he ever felt very confortable with me and thought I was too good for him. I adored him and his personality. I didn't care about looks or what people thought. Well, he dropped me and his current girlfriend looks like a 12 year old tomboy. She also seems very meek and shy. He can shine and have the control with her which I think he never felt he could with me. I though, pumped his ego up and never made him feel inferiour.
If you do want him back, be prepared as they have a history of coming and going. You seem a little hesitant about the thought of it anyway and that is to be expected. If anything, ignore him or lead on that you're seeing someone. They HATE either one. As soon as my Aqua got possible wind that I was seeing someone, he started sniffing big time (contacting me and taking interest in what I'm doing).
Good luck to you-I think we need to start a support group! :-)
I also pondered if there was a certain "type" of woman that would keep their interest considering I was like you-always caring, warm, supportive to him. I came to realize -and this advice was given to me on these boards- that they love control. So the women they love to be around have to be suckers in a way. My Aqua man didn't have the best self esteem. I don't think he ever felt very confortable with me and thought I was too good for him. I adored him and his personality. I didn't care about looks or what people thought. Well, he dropped me and his current girlfriend looks like a 12 year old tomboy. She also seems very meek and shy. He can shine and have the control with her which I think he never felt he could with me. I though, pumped his ego up and never made him feel inferiour.
If you do want him back, be prepared as they have a history of coming and going. You seem a little hesitant about the thought of it anyway and that is to be expected. If anything, ignore him or lead on that you're seeing someone. They HATE either one. As soon as my Aqua got possible wind that I was seeing someone, he started sniffing big time (contacting me and taking interest in what I'm doing).
Good luck to you-I think we need to start a support group! :-)
Ooooooo. Good point about the age. I think at 36, he has a better understanding of who he is and with wanting to settle down-although they do say that Aqua men love to be bachelors for awhile due to all the relationship dancing... Mine was only 23 so I guess that was a small part of it. Although he is now 24 and happily settled with his boyfriend...I mean girlfriend...:-) I am a little older (2 years) so I don't know if that intimated him a bit. I agree that the more that is hidden and a puzzle to them, the more intrigued they are.
They do love the odd and essentric people! I can be very essentric as well so we really clicked with our personalities and sense of humor. I don't know this other girl but she seems like she has the personality of a cardboard box. Go figure.
Do you think how/where/the circumstances you met your individual Aqua has any impact on the course of the relationship?
They do love the odd and essentric people! I can be very essentric as well so we really clicked with our personalities and sense of humor. I don't know this other girl but she seems like she has the personality of a cardboard box. Go figure.
Do you think how/where/the circumstances you met your individual Aqua has any impact on the course of the relationship?
Primegen, since you are an Aquarius male...can you help decipher some behavior for me? I met an Aquarius guy awhile back and fell head over heels for him very quickly (I know, bad move in the eyes of an Aquarius). He knew this because I cannot hide my feelings. He said he had some feelings for me too, but that we needed to take it slow. I don't really understand the word "slow" when I like someone. I was crazy about him, and he knew it. He said that he was getting attached to me and that it scared him. He was kind, attentive, seemed to really care about me and my well-being, checked on me all the time. But then one day, he called and said he had met someone else. He said she was good for him because she didn't want a relationship (like me). So now, the man who "didn't want a relationship" now has a relationship with someone who doesn't want a relationship (irony, anyone?).
He said we could be friends. After a couple of weeks of recovery time, I thought I'd try. I'd rather try and fail then not try. Everything was okay for a couple of weeks. Then one day, he had came over to help me with something and he got a little buzzed off a couple of drinks. He was all over me! Hugging me, play-wrestling, carrying me on his back and it was getting a little risque. When I mentioned it a few days later, he denied it all, said he was drunk and didn't know what he was doing (trust me, he did, he didn't drink that much and he has a high tolerance). He mentioned again that he was seeing the other girl and that I needed to accept that. I cried.
Primegen, I really care for this man. I've helped him when he was down. I've been kind and honest. I honestly can't say I've done anything wrong other than like him too much. Do you think he cares for me at all? Why would he try to remain friends with me? If an Aquarius male behaves this way, is there any meaning to it that you can see? He says he cares for me, but that I do not possess all the qualities he is looking for in a woman. I try to tell him that criteria don't matter when you meet someone, that it should all be on your gut feeling, but he disagrees. It's like we are at different sides of the spectrum.
So what do you think?
He said we could be friends. After a couple of weeks of recovery time, I thought I'd try. I'd rather try and fail then not try. Everything was okay for a couple of weeks. Then one day, he had came over to help me with something and he got a little buzzed off a couple of drinks. He was all over me! Hugging me, play-wrestling, carrying me on his back and it was getting a little risque. When I mentioned it a few days later, he denied it all, said he was drunk and didn't know what he was doing (trust me, he did, he didn't drink that much and he has a high tolerance). He mentioned again that he was seeing the other girl and that I needed to accept that. I cried.
Primegen, I really care for this man. I've helped him when he was down. I've been kind and honest. I honestly can't say I've done anything wrong other than like him too much. Do you think he cares for me at all? Why would he try to remain friends with me? If an Aquarius male behaves this way, is there any meaning to it that you can see? He says he cares for me, but that I do not possess all the qualities he is looking for in a woman. I try to tell him that criteria don't matter when you meet someone, that it should all be on your gut feeling, but he disagrees. It's like we are at different sides of the spectrum.
So what do you think?
Great wisdom Mr. Primeqen - thanks for sharing.
Primegen, I thought about what you said, and you are right. I knew it all along, but guess I didn't want to admit it. I ended it. Told him very nice things, like how much I care for him (I know this display of emotion makes him uncomfortable but don't care anymore), then told him he would not be seeing me anymore and walked away. Hard as it was, there was a huge sense of relief.
I know many Aquarius do the "lets stay friends" thing and no offense to any Aquarius, because I'm sure it works for many people. It didn't work for me. Made for a long, slow, painful breakup instead of a clean break.
I love the feeling about being head-over-heels crazy for someone, and somewhere out there is a guy that won't mind. Maybe he'll even like it!
Thanks again!
I know many Aquarius do the "lets stay friends" thing and no offense to any Aquarius, because I'm sure it works for many people. It didn't work for me. Made for a long, slow, painful breakup instead of a clean break.
I love the feeling about being head-over-heels crazy for someone, and somewhere out there is a guy that won't mind. Maybe he'll even like it!
Thanks again!
Hey all,
I am not an Aries...but I have had problems with an Aquarius also. I dumped him and then a year later we're back together. To be more precise, I am a Pieces, and I am not lame nor submissive, nor do I like to feed his ego. I learnt to take it as it goes with him. If I don't like something I say it and if he minds I don't care because in general I know there's 6 billion other people on the planet that can make me happy if he fails to. He knows that too. If someone would call it quits tomorrow it would be me because I do not need him to feel good wether he does need me to feel good or not.
I actually am pretty close to calling it quits because I am sick of figuring him out or trying to. Also, I hate the fact that he is very cold in general although he tries to do a better job in our interaction. My advice ladies is let it go if you're trying to get more than companionship out of him.
Two years and counting..or maybe not,
l.
I am not an Aries...but I have had problems with an Aquarius also. I dumped him and then a year later we're back together. To be more precise, I am a Pieces, and I am not lame nor submissive, nor do I like to feed his ego. I learnt to take it as it goes with him. If I don't like something I say it and if he minds I don't care because in general I know there's 6 billion other people on the planet that can make me happy if he fails to. He knows that too. If someone would call it quits tomorrow it would be me because I do not need him to feel good wether he does need me to feel good or not.
I actually am pretty close to calling it quits because I am sick of figuring him out or trying to. Also, I hate the fact that he is very cold in general although he tries to do a better job in our interaction. My advice ladies is let it go if you're trying to get more than companionship out of him.
Two years and counting..or maybe not,
l.
Well, what the? My Aquarius beau that I walked away from....he's back. When I told him he wouldn't be seeing me anymore and I walked away, I figured that was it....it's final. But then he called me a couple of days ago. Said he wants to be friends with me and that he cares for me as a friend. Primegen, your comments really hit the nail on the head. I see it so plainly: he exists within a comfort zone. In that comfort zone, people do not talk about their emotions or how they feel.
I no longer have deep feelings for him. But I am concerned. This is not some teenage boy, he's a grown man in his late 30's. He's had a few failed relationships in his life (never married) and I suspenct it's because he's repeating the same error over and over. And the woman he's seeing now? Ms. Non-relationship? She's still in the picture so he's repeating the same mistake again.
When he's with me, he's constantly telling me not to be so open, to control my emotions, and to "reel myself in." So it's pretty obvious I cannot exist within that zone. But he does tell me he's never known anyone like me.
Here's my question: How in the world do I get him to "snap out of it?"!!!! I want him to understand that it's okay to make yourself vulnerable and to put your feelings out there (I do it with him). I don't necessarily want him to end it with this other woman, and I'm not trying to "get him back" anymore, but I do want him to see that he's (potentially) making the same mistake he's made before. If he keeps doing this, he won't grow.
Any suggestions?
I no longer have deep feelings for him. But I am concerned. This is not some teenage boy, he's a grown man in his late 30's. He's had a few failed relationships in his life (never married) and I suspenct it's because he's repeating the same error over and over. And the woman he's seeing now? Ms. Non-relationship? She's still in the picture so he's repeating the same mistake again.
When he's with me, he's constantly telling me not to be so open, to control my emotions, and to "reel myself in." So it's pretty obvious I cannot exist within that zone. But he does tell me he's never known anyone like me.
Here's my question: How in the world do I get him to "snap out of it?"!!!! I want him to understand that it's okay to make yourself vulnerable and to put your feelings out there (I do it with him). I don't necessarily want him to end it with this other woman, and I'm not trying to "get him back" anymore, but I do want him to see that he's (potentially) making the same mistake he's made before. If he keeps doing this, he won't grow.
Any suggestions?
AriesLady - Hello to you! Ah...return of the Aqua Man -hm......yeah, they do that quite often. Leave, come back, leave, come back - it is just how they are. Sounds like you do care for your friend and myself being an Aries we can sometimes care toooooooooo much. I commend you wanting to help him but in all reality, he is the only one who can help himself. In time, he will recognize what he is doing when he is ready to see. Right now, he is not open to it therefore he cannot change. Just like anyone else who may have a habit to break - we can tell them till we are blue in the face that what they are doing is not good for them however, it must be them that wants to change. Here is where one must "let go" and let him learn and he will - we all do. Just keep sending him good thoughts.
When a person begins to tell you that you need to change he is wanting to "control" you and your emotions. You continue to be you! Love does not change someone, they accept them for who they are. I have also read that when someone is suggesting that you change something it is really themselves they are talking about. They are "projecting"
Best Wishes Aries Lady!
When a person begins to tell you that you need to change he is wanting to "control" you and your emotions. You continue to be you! Love does not change someone, they accept them for who they are. I have also read that when someone is suggesting that you change something it is really themselves they are talking about. They are "projecting"
Best Wishes Aries Lady!
Thank you everyone for giving me advice on my ex-Aquarian beau. I really appreciate it so much. He really is a textbook Aquarian, so all of the advice has been wonderful.
Primegen asked me what I was worried about if I didn't have deep feelings for him. Over the last few days, I realize I still do.
As much as I appreciate the advice, it sounds all of you are saying there's nothing I can do! Am I understanding that correctly?
Here's the situation in a nutshell:
1. I'm crazy about him and treat him with respect and kindness.
2. He cares for me and has feelings for me (has told me).
3. In spite of this, he's dating someone who doesn't want a relationship with him and from the little he's told me, it sounds difficult and full of childish BS.
4. I offer him the best I have to offer, and he rejects me.
5. I ended it with him once because it hurt so much, but he came back to me on his own and wanted me to be his friend.
6. We get along great! There's not a single problem that has ever arisen between us.
7. Even the s*x was awesome (I hope that's okay to say).
So I have two choices now. 1. Continue with this friendship that causes me so much pain. 2. Let him go.
Problem is, I don't want either of those choices. I'm hoping someone here can tell me the "magic words" to make him see the light. BTW, when I look in his eyes, I see FEAR, if that makes a difference.
I promise this is the last time I'll ask.
Primegen asked me what I was worried about if I didn't have deep feelings for him. Over the last few days, I realize I still do.
As much as I appreciate the advice, it sounds all of you are saying there's nothing I can do! Am I understanding that correctly?
Here's the situation in a nutshell:
1. I'm crazy about him and treat him with respect and kindness.
2. He cares for me and has feelings for me (has told me).
3. In spite of this, he's dating someone who doesn't want a relationship with him and from the little he's told me, it sounds difficult and full of childish BS.
4. I offer him the best I have to offer, and he rejects me.
5. I ended it with him once because it hurt so much, but he came back to me on his own and wanted me to be his friend.
6. We get along great! There's not a single problem that has ever arisen between us.
7. Even the s*x was awesome (I hope that's okay to say).
So I have two choices now. 1. Continue with this friendship that causes me so much pain. 2. Let him go.
Problem is, I don't want either of those choices. I'm hoping someone here can tell me the "magic words" to make him see the light. BTW, when I look in his eyes, I see FEAR, if that makes a difference.
I promise this is the last time I'll ask.
AriesLady...if you do not know what to do at this moment...do nothing. The time will come when you will KNOW what to do - then follow your heart and do it. This truly is your decision to make - it is the only way that YOU will be happy. Give yourself time...allow for nature to flow - let it be. I see that you want him to see the "light" but - he WILL see it when he is ready to - he is on his time schedule, not yours.
Peace
Peace
Yep...gotta agree with Mr. P on this one AL....whenever ANYONE says the "friend" word, believe them, they mean it. I have told many men that all I want is to be "friends" with them and I meant it. Deep within we KNOW if we desire someone more than a friend and if we do? There is NO WAY that we would even dare mutter the "friend" word.
I wonder why the guys that I have told that all I care to be is friends do not believe me? They think they are going to change my mind? Nope - no can do. Just yesterday, I met with a long time Gemini pal who 7 yrs. ago I told him that we were only friends...he has been trying to change my mind all this time - no matter how many times I said NO to him he thought he could. Hopefully, yesterday he got the msg. Sorry AL, I did not mean to get off the topic here.
Keep focusing on the lovely you - that truly is what is most important.
Be well
I wonder why the guys that I have told that all I care to be is friends do not believe me? They think they are going to change my mind? Nope - no can do. Just yesterday, I met with a long time Gemini pal who 7 yrs. ago I told him that we were only friends...he has been trying to change my mind all this time - no matter how many times I said NO to him he thought he could. Hopefully, yesterday he got the msg. Sorry AL, I did not mean to get off the topic here.
Keep focusing on the lovely you - that truly is what is most important.
Be well
Well, thanks. I reread all the posts and I think I've made a decision (finally!). It is not a matter of me learning to be friends with him or me letting him go. Hard as this is, I'm going to try to turn the tables. HE needs to lose ME and see what it feels like. He has to have a taste of his own medicine. I've been doing the caring, nice, honest, open bit and it means nothing, so perhaps it's time for a 180. I'm not going to be mean, that's not in my nature. I will just be cool and scarce. I'll let everyone know how it goes within the next couple of weeks.
By the way, I have a theory. With him being "sort of" involved with me, and "sort of" involved with someone else...he achieves what he wants....unattainability and he gets to remain in the middle in the safe comfort zone. So if I "set him free," he may panic! He'll be like "oh my gosh what's my excuse now?" haha
Thank you!
By the way, I have a theory. With him being "sort of" involved with me, and "sort of" involved with someone else...he achieves what he wants....unattainability and he gets to remain in the middle in the safe comfort zone. So if I "set him free," he may panic! He'll be like "oh my gosh what's my excuse now?" haha
Thank you!
AL, if you don't mind me asking and I apologize if I am being too personal - but are you making this choice to play a game with him or are you serious about your actions? The reason I am asking is from what you posted, "He needs to lose me and see what it feels like." This sounds like this decision is still about him and not about you. Who cares what he feels...he may miss you, he may not - you really do not have any control over what he feels. I don't know....I'm not getting this stuff.....either you want to be with him or you don't.
I hope the best for you.......
I hope the best for you.......
When I say, "he has to lose me" it's not to be mean. I've ALWAYS been there. When he calls, I answer. When he e-mails, I reply. When he wants to get together, I accept. I do that because I'm open and honest and I don't play games. I like to be with him, therefore...I be with him! Simple.
This has not worked. He has never once felt what it's like to lose me. He's always known I'm right there, ready and willing. If he loses me, and he misses me, then he'll know he cares. If he loses me, and doesn't miss me, well then, I guess there was nothing there to begin with.
This has not worked. He has never once felt what it's like to lose me. He's always known I'm right there, ready and willing. If he loses me, and he misses me, then he'll know he cares. If he loses me, and doesn't miss me, well then, I guess there was nothing there to begin with.
I understand what you are saying AL - I suppose where my confusion lies in all of this is...your idea of what a relationship is what is right for you and it would be the same for me as well. Isn't that what two people do in a relationship be there for each other? to be open and honest? No games - it just flows? He isn't doing that with you so now, you are making the choice to not be you in order to see if he really cares? Do you see what I am saying? So, let's say you don't answer his calls (personally, I was involved with an Aquar. and HAD to do the same thing with him - however, I knew it was over because of the fact that I had to do this) his emails, you are not available to him and he comes back? Now what? Will that convince you that he really cares about you? If he really cared about you - you would not need to be taking these type of actions. That is what I was trying to say, sorry if I miscommunicated. From my experience, the good relationships do not require this much work or involve this much pain and heartache.
I'd have to personally agree with primegen.
I am in a similar situation and I found that when I became a bit more "reserved" -not mean or negative but just more focused on myself instead of dropping everything for him, he tends to come forward instead of push away. Of course it doesn't help that he now suspects that I am seeing someone else too. As soon as he suspected it and I started acting a bit distant to him-he started changing his tune a bit. I actually had to laugh cause it does show you that you always want what you can't have.
I thought this was funny-I love to analyze-probably why I love listening to Aquas on this board. I noticed that when he started dating this girl, he would drop her name to me in conversation. Sarah and I are doing this. I took Sarah out to lunch etc. As soon as he suspected I started seeing someone- her name has never been mentioned-(this is like for two months). In a sense I wouldn't even know if they're still dating as he doesn't talk about her anymore. I just thought that was strange. Personally, I'm like why stop now-technically all our cards are on the table so to speak-you're dating her and technically I'm dating someone else. What's to hide? My friend (a libra) thinks I put myself back in that "challenge" role by not being available to him anymore.
I also think what primegen said about it being a gamble is right. You never know what will happen in these types of situations. Sometimes it does take losing someone to realize what they meant to you. Sometimes it makes no difference. But maybe this has to happen to find out. Love is a strange thing...they always say truth is stranger than fiction and I believe it. And I see fiction as fairy tales and happily ever after. Real relationships require pain but above all growth.
"the good relationships do not require this much work or involve this much pain and heartache."
Although I see your point Freebird, I also think that the best relationships require the most work in that they should change you for the better. Only the right person will require you to do the soul searching you need and sometimes it's hard and like Primegen said, it will take time. Maybe AL is the one for this Aqua guy and this is where his frustrations lie? Only time will tell.
"The course of true love never did run smooth." -Shakesphere
I am in a similar situation and I found that when I became a bit more "reserved" -not mean or negative but just more focused on myself instead of dropping everything for him, he tends to come forward instead of push away. Of course it doesn't help that he now suspects that I am seeing someone else too. As soon as he suspected it and I started acting a bit distant to him-he started changing his tune a bit. I actually had to laugh cause it does show you that you always want what you can't have.
I thought this was funny-I love to analyze-probably why I love listening to Aquas on this board. I noticed that when he started dating this girl, he would drop her name to me in conversation. Sarah and I are doing this. I took Sarah out to lunch etc. As soon as he suspected I started seeing someone- her name has never been mentioned-(this is like for two months). In a sense I wouldn't even know if they're still dating as he doesn't talk about her anymore. I just thought that was strange. Personally, I'm like why stop now-technically all our cards are on the table so to speak-you're dating her and technically I'm dating someone else. What's to hide? My friend (a libra) thinks I put myself back in that "challenge" role by not being available to him anymore.
I also think what primegen said about it being a gamble is right. You never know what will happen in these types of situations. Sometimes it does take losing someone to realize what they meant to you. Sometimes it makes no difference. But maybe this has to happen to find out. Love is a strange thing...they always say truth is stranger than fiction and I believe it. And I see fiction as fairy tales and happily ever after. Real relationships require pain but above all growth.
"the good relationships do not require this much work or involve this much pain and heartache."
Although I see your point Freebird, I also think that the best relationships require the most work in that they should change you for the better. Only the right person will require you to do the soul searching you need and sometimes it's hard and like Primegen said, it will take time. Maybe AL is the one for this Aqua guy and this is where his frustrations lie? Only time will tell.
"The course of true love never did run smooth." -Shakesphere
Well, it's been 2 weeks since my experiment with Mr. Aquarius. Here's what happened:
I couldn't do it! I could not be distant or reserved. God knows I tried. I realized after about two days that this was not in my character. So, basically I decided that whatever was going to happen....had to hurry up and happen (I'm so impatient for results)!
So I called him and told him I needed to talk to him, and that it was serious. He seemed to avoid me (I think he knew something was up), but I finally got to meet with him. He ended up calling me one night drunk and asked if he could come over! Oh I was so mad I hung up on him! So the next day, I met with him and I told him how much he meant to me, how much I cared for him, but that our "friendship" was painful, and that I was ending it (I figured no point in me laying into him about his drunk behavior the night before since I no longer planned on seeing him or even knew if he remembered). I told him to go be with that other woman, if that is what he wants. He told me I could still call him, but I shook my head no. He said he was sorry. He said that if he wanted to settle, I'd be the one for him, but he's not ready yet (remember..this is late 30's, never been married!).
Hardest thing I've ever done in my life! I don't know what is going to happen now, if anything. Some friends say I'll see him again, but I'm not so sure.
Anyway, that's the last chapter!
I couldn't do it! I could not be distant or reserved. God knows I tried. I realized after about two days that this was not in my character. So, basically I decided that whatever was going to happen....had to hurry up and happen (I'm so impatient for results)!
So I called him and told him I needed to talk to him, and that it was serious. He seemed to avoid me (I think he knew something was up), but I finally got to meet with him. He ended up calling me one night drunk and asked if he could come over! Oh I was so mad I hung up on him! So the next day, I met with him and I told him how much he meant to me, how much I cared for him, but that our "friendship" was painful, and that I was ending it (I figured no point in me laying into him about his drunk behavior the night before since I no longer planned on seeing him or even knew if he remembered). I told him to go be with that other woman, if that is what he wants. He told me I could still call him, but I shook my head no. He said he was sorry. He said that if he wanted to settle, I'd be the one for him, but he's not ready yet (remember..this is late 30's, never been married!).
Hardest thing I've ever done in my life! I don't know what is going to happen now, if anything. Some friends say I'll see him again, but I'm not so sure.
Anyway, that's the last chapter!
freebird quote "whenever ANYONE says the "friend" word, believe them, they mean it. I have told many men that all I want is to be "friends" with them and I meant it. Deep within we KNOW if we desire someone more than a friend and if we do? There is NO WAY that we would even dare mutter the "friend" word."
the aqua man i like did the whole lets be friends bit last summer cause i told him i wanted more. now 1 year on i dont see him as much we just text each other now and again but the way we talk and text i know he cares about me so my question is can there feelings change about you or will you alway be just "friends"?
the aqua man i like did the whole lets be friends bit last summer cause i told him i wanted more. now 1 year on i dont see him as much we just text each other now and again but the way we talk and text i know he cares about me so my question is can there feelings change about you or will you alway be just "friends"?
You're going to hate my comment here. Now I am a single Aqua chick and this is based on a few conversations that I've had with two men recently. I've come to a point in my own life where I'm happy that I accomplished what I did and now I want to settle down with a family. I've very happily dated for almost a decade and most of my men say that I'm the one who got away which makes me smile. So I'm not an expert in any means of long term relationship because I'm in the transition period of my own life wanting one. But what I am pretty good at is knowing how us aquas think.
So I see mistake #1 in the first post "I put 100% into the relationship and got zero in return in the long run." So you were easily caught and he knew that you wanted long term almost immediately. In your head you gave everything and stopped receiving. Eeek! Did no one tell you that you are the girl and a guy shows interest when he gives to you? If you give 100% and he gives nothing then he has no purpose, no goal. He won you and he's not doing anything for you.
Now think about your own things and life. What do you appreciate more? Something you earn or something given? I'm not saying that you should be a selfish witch and not give. But never control everything. Besides aren't the most attractive men out there the ones who portray that they have a level of control and don't you secretly want to be one of his goals? If you give 100% then you aren't a goal.
Kindness is a wonderful trait. However the trait isn't appreciated if it is expected and there are no surprises attached to your persona.
So if you really want him back, I say work on you first. Do what makes you happy. It might turn out in a few months that you have so many choices that you don't want him. Or it might turn out that he sees the new you and wonders what happened.
Anyhow that's just my two cents.
So I see mistake #1 in the first post "I put 100% into the relationship and got zero in return in the long run." So you were easily caught and he knew that you wanted long term almost immediately. In your head you gave everything and stopped receiving. Eeek! Did no one tell you that you are the girl and a guy shows interest when he gives to you? If you give 100% and he gives nothing then he has no purpose, no goal. He won you and he's not doing anything for you.
Now think about your own things and life. What do you appreciate more? Something you earn or something given? I'm not saying that you should be a selfish witch and not give. But never control everything. Besides aren't the most attractive men out there the ones who portray that they have a level of control and don't you secretly want to be one of his goals? If you give 100% then you aren't a goal.
Kindness is a wonderful trait. However the trait isn't appreciated if it is expected and there are no surprises attached to your persona.
So if you really want him back, I say work on you first. Do what makes you happy. It might turn out in a few months that you have so many choices that you don't want him. Or it might turn out that he sees the new you and wonders what happened.
Anyhow that's just my two cents.
And as for 'friends' if someone says it, then act it. I've had guys say the awful 'let's be friends' thing act the part. I've hathen they hate it when I start acting exactly what they say 'as a friend without all the extras.' Immediately treat him like you treat one of your no strings attached friends and let him wonder about you. It can turn into a better friendship than lover scenerio. Or it can even win the guy back romantically.
All remember that a carefree, fun loving respectable girl usually has a line. You act the part of a hoe then sure as a teen they get guys using them. You act the part of a doormat then you get guys who want to use you. But when you bring a little sunshine into the day then people like being around the positive energy. How you act and what you expect of yourself often ends up being what happens to you.
All remember that a carefree, fun loving respectable girl usually has a line. You act the part of a hoe then sure as a teen they get guys using them. You act the part of a doormat then you get guys who want to use you. But when you bring a little sunshine into the day then people like being around the positive energy. How you act and what you expect of yourself often ends up being what happens to you.
EEK! I was editing myself...
Rewriting the first paragraph.
"And as for 'friends' if someone says it, then act it. I've had guys say the awful 'let's be friends' thing then when I act the part, it's hated. If you shrug your shoulders and act like you're going to be fine either way, then you are going to be fine. Act exactly as he asked and be happy that he wants you 'as a friend without all the extras.' Immediately treat him like you treat one of your no strings attached friends and let him wonder about you. It can turn into a better friendship than lover scenerio. Or it can even win the guy back romantically.
Rewriting the first paragraph.
"And as for 'friends' if someone says it, then act it. I've had guys say the awful 'let's be friends' thing then when I act the part, it's hated. If you shrug your shoulders and act like you're going to be fine either way, then you are going to be fine. Act exactly as he asked and be happy that he wants you 'as a friend without all the extras.' Immediately treat him like you treat one of your no strings attached friends and let him wonder about you. It can turn into a better friendship than lover scenerio. Or it can even win the guy back romantically.
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All I want to know is : Do all cancerians "jump to conclusions" without asking or knowing the situation ? do you never ask a direct question?
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just wondering...
Does anyone here know a cure for sadness?
What do you all do when you are sad?
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What do you all do when you are sad?
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