KrysRenne and Lady M

HELP! LOL!
Ladies some input from you wise ones please. You have all i am sure heard of the whole Aqua male "relationship" i have been in and out of for over two years, will he always come back like a dang Virgo?

Yep, i seen him, he called, i am like okay with it, but wondering how to guide this better or something.......a little lost in it all and hate to be blasted with all that we have been through, so rather than re-hash that, i am looking for some advice, input on what you would do w/such a male, he is 33 i am 41 and this is ongoing, been since Sept since i last was "with" him, and like Nov since he called this time, it was the longest time period and he seemed to come a little different this time. I dont want any hurt and so curious.

Guys, if you do bother to read this, your input as well is welcome as i respect what you say, as well, your opinion is VERY VALUABLE as well as the ladies, but they seem to have done their time and homework on the aqua males, and kudos to them for it!

Hey Hey. Well, hey the thing about Aqua males is that once they completely emotionally detach from someone, they are emotionally gone forever. BUT, how they communicate with you "after" the breakup all depends on how smooth or rough the breakup was. If the relationship ended off smooth & with a mutual understanding & respect for one another, the chances of your Aqua male still communicating with you (even though it might be once every 6 months) is high. Believe it or not, Aquas have a big problem letting go but that only happens when they were truly attached to someone. Sometimes they'll come in & right back out of your life just for their own satisfaction (even if it's just a "sometimes" thing) b/c a part of them still needs to know that you are there & that he still has a friend of you...all for his satisfaction. Aqua males hate to be hated after the relationship has ended, especially if the relationship ended smoothly.

So, don't be as suprised that each time he "comes back" he might seem a little different or mentally somewhere else each time. Their reactions & "come backs" might seem so flip floppy b/c it reflects their emotions at the time.

Oh & it's my birthday 😉

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LADY!!!!!!!

YOU ROCK!

I wish you every peace, love and happiness you ever dreamed of to come to you with GODSPEED this year! This my wish for you!

HE just had his birthday, and yes, i wished him a happy one in a voice mail, plain and simple. Usually this would have kept him from contacting me further, i have seen him around town, we dont and didnt speak, like before, but we didnt really have a "break up" this last time around, i simply kept telling him i did not want what he was offering. Which was not a exclusive relationship among other things. The last time i heard from him he was "accusing me" of things i had not done (callin in the middle of the night). And he was mad. i let it go, cant do anything about his paranoia he holds and i recognize in him. Would you say this is similar to Virgo's aloof or disappearance acts as well? I see similarities over time as i read. I guess i once again have to just put it out there if i hear from him again, that i am not looking to be "a notch" for him, or a relief valve, LOL, but i will always be his friend. Will that help? He does not (like most typical aqua's i read about here) deal w/his emotions, he definitely express' them physically. His actions, not his words. Yet its like he makes himself act on his words after a short time. Thank you for sharing your wisdom w/some typical male behavior patterns, it helps me to not go the wrong way in my head. LOVE AND PEACE

Be steadfast in your decision to not accept less than what your worth no matter how many times he feels like "coming back".

Put yourself first, if that means leaving him behind... so be it.

Well the best way to go to is honesty & being direct. Tell him what you want, expect & what your standards & intentions are so that there's no confusion. Sure, you're always taking the chance that the other person might not take the "news" as well as you'd like, but atleast you'll always know that you did your part & that you made yourself very clear. And just simply saying those direct words, "I don't want your heart, I just want your friendship" is hard as hell, but once you get it over with & once he knows you are sincere (consistently & not just for the moment), it'll feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

It seems like the two of you need to make it clear what your defintions of friendship are. If you two are going to be friends, then that means everything has to be strictly platonic. That means, keeping everything almost on a "business, not pleasure" level. That means, no acting like just friends on monday & then turning around & playing "mind games" or the "emotions" game on Tuesday. And see, that's why I find it so hard to continue communicating with someone whom I can't gain anything from emotionally or physically. Aqua males do have friends, yes but generally with the opposite sex, they either want you for a long term companion or not at all, b/c in their minds, they already have enough friends. And not to mention, it's very hard & tempting & sometimes emotionally draining/challenging to try to establish a friendship that first started with intimacy. It's usually friendship & then intimacy/commitment. But when things get reversed, it's almost not worth it b/c the chances of becoming emotionally attached again is bound to happen.

If you are concerned with being strictly friends & this guy is still confused about how he feels about you, then the best thing to do is let it go. Don't let this guy take you on this emotional rollercoaster just b/c HE can't get it together or just b/c he seems to be confused about what the two of you are attempting to become (rather it's just friends, friends with benefits or pretend friends until you both resent eachother enough to stop talking all together).

If this guy can't get with the program & doesn't seem to know how to strickly just be friends with you after intimacy has been established in the past, then accept that even though he might want your friendship, it still might be a little too tempting & emotionally challenging for the friendship to actually become effective & be done right. If you keep giving him the impression that you are an open book & that he has unlimited access back in forth in your life, then don't be suprised when he keeps using the "spare key" when he feels like it. You have to take the control back & say "Look, either you're IN or you're OUT. No more games" & since he won't take the lead on that conversation or initiative, then you have to be the one to step up & establish the rules & boundaries. Otherwise, the both of you will continue to keep dragging this "game" out & take yourselves through unnecessary emotional spells when all of it could've been prevented or cut off completely.

Okay, hope this is not too long, and first let me say THANK YOU SO MUCH !

Honesty is my motto,as i am also VERY direct, not his. Its his heart i want, not friendship, we already really have that, as he said, "forever friends" the connection we share will not go away w/time, its going on three years now and this is the third b-day for each of us during our time spent together in 2009 as we have never shared a b-day together or a holiday! FYI, so that has been on him. Not me. I have tried to be friends w/him, he wants it, but he knows he has it forever too, that is just me. If friendship is all that will ever be, which i am believing this, then stay out of my bed! I am not a FWB! as i have stated to him before. prior to out last departure. He already knows. We started as friends, i NEVER intended more, and initially, neither did he, we met by phone, LOL! It has been four months since we seen each other, and he called me to see me, i in a weak state, went to see him. I will have this conversation, and i believe you are correct in this observation, and i thank you for it and your choice of words, very clear to me and hopefully help me to make it clear to him as well.

He called me this time stating he was older and wiser, i must say, i must clear another issue up for him i am just seeing, when i met him, his age was a huge factor for me, i had not ever seen someone younger than myself, he is 33 now and i will be 42 this year, w/that said, when we saw each other last year, he said, "arnt you proud of me, i am more mature" with that said, this obviously is on his mind as a barrier which no longer exist w/me and has not for some time. I will remove it for him.

he's weak, I would make it clear to him that he's not the only dog in the backyard and allow him the space to step up and pursue you, right now he's wasting your time.

tiki33, could you please elaborate more? And thanks for responding!

He's in and he's out which means the level of attraction is not enough for him to pursue you as a lover, men that are highly attracted to a woman will not even think twice about giving his dreamgirl a great relationship, the way he's behaving towards you is a clear indication that he lacks motivation and attraction. I'm not saying your not attractive by any means but there is something about you that is not connecting with that intense desire that makes a man not second guess his decision to be with a woman in a way that says I'm yours and I'm happy to let my single life go for you.

I can understand the feeling of wanting him to know you won't accept less but it's also a way to say that without words, stop talking and allow your actions to speak for you, if you want more than friends then stop being his friend and stop coming to him in hopes that he may change his mind about you, you can't help him want you more than he does but you can step away from him and go live your life without him in it.

HE KNOW WHAT YOU WANT there is no reason to continue to focus on that with him, stop nagging him about your feelings and wants and just go live your life and let him know your not waiting for him, decide what you want to give and don't want to give to him and let it rest, when he's around be in the moment, enjoy your time with him if you choose to continue seeing him but make sure you have other things going on in your life and other men to date in your life that are interested in more with you

Pay attention to the men that are pursuing you and only them, you going to Aqua, meeting him, thinking about him, talking about him, driving or flying to him equates to you CHASING him and that is not attractive and it only makes him lazy, make sure if you go meet him that he's doing something equally to accomodate you such as paying for the hotel, paying for the dates, you have to give him this RESISTANT feeling that says you DON'T have me 100% which builds attraction, if your making everything easy then he's simply not going to pursue you, he's not going to chase you, he's not going to feel that intense desire of having to have you in his life...it has to be a balance or he will not budge and he will just pop in and out at his leisure.

Right now he feel he has won you which doesn't spark him into action with doing things to win you, how can he win what he already has, you have to be much more challenging mentally for him to want more.

Focusing on men that are pursuing you gives you a great advantage, you won't end up with a man that is weak and you won't end up with a man that wants you to be a parent to him. A weak man is a man that simply refuses to, does not believe in, or is not interested in pursuing you and if you happen to end up with this kind of guy you most likely will not be happy b/c his lack of interest will not make you feel cherished. A man's pursuit of a woman is his message that he's interested and he's open for the possibility of love and a relationship and it keeps you from wasting time in a man that isn't interested.

You wanting more than friendship is telling him you are way ahead of him in emotions and feelings, this is very scary for a man and for a man to know that being in a relationship is a goal for a woman well he will simply hold out for a woman that doesn't see being in a relationship as a END goal and hold out for a woman that is patient and understands that a going forward to something long term is more of a transition not a goal. A woman that needs to be in a relationship with a man sends a clear signal that she is love starved and it makes a man back off, so a relationship should be an outcome not a goal.

What I'm saying is you may be a very wonderful woman but your actions/words may be triggering his STAY SINGLE emotions.

tiki, fair enough and thank you again.
He has been at me for over two years. I have walked, deleted contact many times. He calls me, he contacts me and ask me to his place. He would drive to me in the past, so we have kinda been there done that. Not that he wont have to step up his game, he will. (figure of speech)
I wont be there like he wants, his cake and eat it too, i did just fall to my own weakness, that is a fact, which is how last year after much work and time, he got through the door again (to my bed) which i quickly started refusing w/out much intial success, but did manage to make him move somewhere else, he was not willing to be monogamous, therefore, i want no part of that w/him. He wants that from me and to "run" my place when he decides to come around, his immaturity, in the past, i know.
Point is, i did fall to weakness, my bad. Got that. I am still dating, i will continue to date, i am not currently sleeping w/anyone at all, i prefer it this away, which is where i was weak (can i just say, wow) anyway.....i allowed and equally participated in this booty call, i am trying to decide the best way to handle this...in the past, he would ignore my call, i can not text him. So, do i ignore him? i did leave a voice mail after Kr post, that does not mean i owe him anymore than he has given me in the past. I know his past actions, he will call late at night an wake me up, i dont realize when i answer in my sleep, after two plus year, he already knows this, and no, i cant change my number its a business line and link for my family for over 12 years, as well, my kids call all hours, so..........i just dont want to send the wrong message, and i think i already did that, by falling to my weakness. Does that make sense? How do i correct my own actions now, without looking like i am playing games, i am not. You are right, he does not want me, or he would be there. I got that. i dont mind the friendship/platonic but he has to quite and so do i, this takes us both using restraints, i only tried to leave the friend door open, its been four months, we are at two years and 4 months. ?
I dont need a "relationship" i really would be fine being normal friends, i think we both could do that and benefit, which is where we started, the attraction is strong between us, almost like a love/hate relationship rollarcoaster. sad but true. I have needs only a man can fill, i dont need them filled, i want them filled, my heart belongs to another, that is a fact, he d

I dont need a "relationship" i really would be fine being normal friends, i think we both could do that and benefit, which is where we started, the attraction is strong between us, almost like a love/hate relationship rollar coaster. sad but true. I have needs only a man can fill, i dont need them filled, i want them filled, my heart belongs to another, that is a fact, he does not have my heart anymore, only a part of it that is his and his alone, that no other has, but to be honest, there is a stronger hold on me by another man, he is not in the picture for a couple months and this is the first fall to weakness i have had, and wouldnt ya know, this is where i fell, gladly, willingly, and to be honest, the relief was great, but at what price is now what i ask and seek to prevent hopefully paying a ultimate price i would not want to pay, complete loss of anything............errrr to be human, i wish i was a ice box!


Yes, same stalker guy ............please dont beat me up too bad for that, there is a certain amount of comfort for me in knowing where his head is after so much has happened when he does contact me, he seems to have stopped the stalking, i am hoping maturity and growth........


Aqua males any input?

you have no clear boundaries and to be honest I believe you love the ups and downs, many woman do although they see how it effects them some women enable and choose men that are not consistent and then come here wanting to tame these men, the lure of these men is that they CANNOT WILL NOT be tamed no matter how you slice it, the best way to get better results, results that are in your best interest is to have more self control, stronger boundaries and stop making excuses why you won't or can't change numbers etc, although you know this man doesn't have your best interest at heart you have made a decision to keep him in your life, he's not the problem really but it seems you are, I don't say that with disrespect intended.

Bottom line is you can't fix this guy especially if he has stalker tendencies but what you can do is CONTROL YOU, find out why your so weak over this man or with men period and tighten up that gap. Try limiting physical contact as to not send these mixed messages to him, if you want him to act as an adult you must behave as one as well..

tiki33~ you are on to something here, i realize as most do not, that in some forms, i am relationship immature, as i do not have alot of experience at it, married young, and then the 18 year relationship i was in. Its hard to explain when you have so much to offer others and raised two girls, yet, its like, not exercising exactly what i can help others to do........wonder why that is? it baffles the shit outta me.
easier said than done? idk
I do know, i share here, and appreciate all that is seen of me that i sometimes do not see myself.

"have more self control, stronger boundaries and stop making excuses"

I do work on this and thank you for stating so, i am not done yet. I am not saying he is the problem, i have only shared his actions and mine here, i can only deal or control myself, i realize this, it is me indeed, i am weak, i admit that, i want him to be something he is not, i realize that too, i forget, and get weak, i want to have and see the better in people, i try hard to forget the ugliness and not hold grudges and allow folks to be themselves, and not be judgmental, this is usually part of my bad decision making skills, and self esteem drops i have. It took me along time, what seemed like a lifetime to get over him, and move on, i have admitted it before, i love him, this is not a healthy relationship for me in the past, i am not trying to change him or be his victim, its a hard thing to balance and keep peace in my head, much less my life.

Archer ,I find this so true. Friendship is used entirely too loosely in the dating pool!
So many mis-use the word, expression, and abuse it tragically. imo
Very frustrating. When you know how to be a friend, true friend til the end, loyal, honest, open and ready to take on the world...........I find as long as i keep men out of my bed, I can have this, but then they want more and to me, that is not what that is, then the struggle and pull to maintain.....ugh! Drives me nuts sometimes, makes me wanna scream MERRIAM_WEBSTER'S did your momma not teach you or did you just not pay any attention in school? !
Okay, my little vent on that subject, i have looked at this, with some crazy things going on around me, to figure out, so many do not truly know what that means and what a responsibility it is. thanks archer

Well Perfect Gem don't knock the men, how the men are responding to you is NATURAL and that's the way it should be, him pursuing you and you deciding if he's a worthwhile person you want to give more to, a man wanting more is a good sign that your challenging and stimulating more interest, your resistance makes you 100x's more desirable than the easy girl, you have set boundaries and that gives you an air of class and men a GOOD man will want a woman like that in his life, men that aren't lazy will be attracted to that and want to WIN you which is how it's supposed to be, may the best man win is my motto.

LOL, I like that motto!
There must be something in the air, or in my Ora, karma, something.
Libra, and I spoke today as well, talk about the past all coming around again, and this seems to be a cycle, they always come at a close period of time, funny, and yet, flattering! Thank GAWD he is in another state! LOL

Ladies, this is part of what goes on inside my head, "better man" is neither of the ones we have already discussed here. Better man. Out of all the men i have dated/spent time with, the Libra is the better man, he honestly treated me better than anyone ever has/had, in a VERY short period of time, i was too blind to see what was in front of me, my self esteem was down and self confidence, i did not believe such a man could honestly be interested in more than a piece of ass from me, boy......i was wrong. One of the better men i let get away for sure, one of those times if i could go back......aqua was so inside my head, life, heart, and Virgo was new on the scene, it was all too much at once, that is for sure. And i was trying to be a "bad girl" or a "ice box momma" LOL, which is when and how i found out i was not made for that type of life, relationships, or activity. time frame was 8-2007 til 2-2008, anything in the star's you all are aware of may be having those and these current effects i should learn of?

I have several i talk too(men), and a few i see periodically, i have learned not to try to see the ones i really have emotions for at the same time, i am not made that away (something in my Gemini is off or something) anyway, it gets too much for me, too emotionally distracting.

Thank you for your support and insight, i will re read and re read this and i am sure get more an more out of it as i dwell in my own head, thank you again, did i say thank you?

PGA

I am here today re-reading. Looking for insight as I am attempting something w/my phone being off. I want the aqua to "know" that he no longer has a way of contacting me, bad thing is, i cant leave my phone off for 30 consecutive days or i loose my business line (number) and i can not afford to do that. I have so much going through my head, yet i am at a loss to be effective in my attempts. Emotionally, i feel very solid and good.

Well one, if you don't want this guy to contact you anymore, let it be known & get a restraining order or change your phone number. Either way, don't turn off your phone, change your own life style , prevent others (who are actually WORTHY of your time) from contacting you b/c if you do this, you'll be giving him too much power.

If he won't leave you alone, then find a better way to make sure the communication stops. If you have to change your number, so be it b/c I'm pretty sure no one will like you less just b/c they have to store a new number. You've got to protect yourself & your heart BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. And if you really believe that going this route is the ONLY way to keep yourself away from him (or vice versa) then do what you've gotta do. Don't keep dwelling on this though. If you want him out of your life then make it happen. If you spend too much time trying to have your cake & eat it too, then you'll just be giving him more amunition & more time to think of new ways to confuse you & play mind games with you.

That's a GOOD thing that you feel good & solid but the NEXT (and most important) step is to be content & to make sure that your actions match up with your words/emotions. If you are truly content that this guy is not worthy of your time (for whatever the reason or reasons) then step it up, be very direct & show him (as well as yourself) that you mean business. No one else will take you seriously until you do. Good luck girlie!

"Well, hey the thing about Aqua males is that once they completely emotionally detach from someone, they are emotionally gone forever."

-ok...SO, then what's the deal when they decide to emotionally detach just for a short period of time?!? is that just fear/doubts or what?

Thanks KrysRenee ~ phone is still off, I am better each day for my choices and feel a strange kind of relief from closing not one but two doors with this move of phone being off. I also cut off the Virgo who has popped in and out at will for the past 18 months, said goodbye. That is a bit sadder, and alot deeper, but both moves were what is best for me. Thanks again ladies, the peace i have had, it can not be described in words, like a burden off my shoulders almost (or the responsibility i had taken on for others feelings and emotions?) anyway, better for it

PGA, still? 🙂

"have more self control, stronger boundaries and stop making excuses"
unfortunately, these are traits lacking with the geminis I know too.

"Well, hey the thing about Aqua males is that once they completely emotionally detach from someone, they are emotionally gone forever."
-ok...SO, then what's the deal when they decide to emotionally detach just for a short period of time?!? is that just fear/doubts or what?

---- means a relationship is over or never was what it appeared to be - quite a lot of people do this, not sign related I don't think but some how the other person still hangs around attempting to understand or excuse things.

"-ok...SO, then what's the deal when they decide to emotionally detach just for a short period of time?!? is that just fear/doubts or what?"

Well, Aquas never emotionally attach for just a short period of time. They might be distance, or be in the beginning stages of (thinking about) detaching & if this happens, they can easily bounce back. But once an Aqua has emotionally detached themself from you, it's gone forever. Sure, even after the attachment they might still stay, treat you with respect or pretend like the attachment is still there but how far they are willing to take their love to certain boundaries for you is gone forever.

Aquas have a hard time letting go of relationships that were long-term, even though they might've emotionally detached a long time ago. We cannot control that we emotionally detach from someone; it just happens whether we want our heart to or not. But b/c we have a deep fear of "losing" or being left without something we put alot of our energies into (even if it was for the better to leave), we might stay or attempt to work things out, knowing that in the back of our heads things won't ever be the same. And sometimes we know we've detached emotionally from someone & try to deny it or try to act like if things get better, the attachment will come back, but then we realize later that once it left, it was lost forever.

If an Aqua is being distant or becomes unfaithful or even changes (as a person) towards you, that doesn't mean they've emotionally detached. It takes a long time for us to detach emotionally from something & the love has to be in order for there to be something for us to detach from. And since it takes so long, that's why we kind of don't even fight it b/c we know that we tried & that our hearts know best.

Posted by zenalchemy
PGA, still? 🙂

"have more self control, stronger boundaries and stop making excuses"
unfortunately, these are traits lacking with the Geminis I know too.

"Well, hey the thing about Aqua males is that once they completely emotionally detach from someone, they are emotionally gone forever."
-ok...SO, then what's the deal when they decide to emotionally detach just for a short period of time?!? is that just fear/doubts or what?

---- means a relationship is over or never was what it appeared to be - quite a lot of people do this, not sign related I don't think but some how the other person still hangs around attempting to understand or excuse things.

Zen, yes, unfortunately, still. There is so much more ugly to this than i wish to elaborate on right now, I dont fully understand it, not sure that I ever will where he is concerned, The Aqua.

But i am content, very content currently about it, so with this good feeling of what i have done, I only think about the decision where my business 📞 line is concerned, researching all avenues currently to make that decision. Worst part, turning it back on(the phone) and either of them figuring out that it is on again, I DONT WANT THAT! Then, I look again, like a liar, which i am not, I am only trying to survive and cut ties that others would not "be a man about", know what i mean?

The "relationship" was never that, only in my heart and head, that is my determination on the matter. I was open, willing and taken advantage of, that was the hard part to realize, that it is okay that i felt it all and they did not, nor did they appreciate what was in front of them, and my revenge, lol, that i will successfully have what i am looking for and more than likely, that Virgo will have regrets that i wont have, cause i did my part from the start and am good w/it all. The Aqua, damn, i dont know if he will ever be man enough to love like that........does that make sense?

^ yea kinda makes sense but also seems like you have the door open for him and he knows this... isn't this blocking better opportunities for you? is it hard to shut this door pga?

Yes Zen, It is closing opportunities for me, and yes, its very hard for me, I am loosing "false love" I realize in this move. I have had a rough time being single. Only because I really am a "relationship" person by nature. I love too easy, too hard. He has had a "open door" for too long, yes, I have closed it before, but not so solid as this. He found one way back in through that "friendship" conversation and some time. But all in all, I cant say I really know why he has bothered, he thinks I will "always" be there and a "forever friend" well, i am made like that, but not on a one way road, he quite traveling his side again. It is hard, but doable. I have walked away from love before in my life that was unhealthy. This is not any different for me, and there is more if you want a p.m. I dont wish to air here for all to beat the hell out of me, when it is VERY personal

Kyre, thanks again and again

"I dont wish to air here for all to beat the hell out of me, when it is VERY personal"

You're absolutely right. It's unfortunate that when you really have a problem & need the opions & advice from others, that others pick this time as a way to release their hidden immaturities. But like my daddy always told me, just b/c others can't be adults doesn't mean that you should stop being one. So this is what we'll do; stop reading and/or listening to the irrelevant ignorance & let's continue this conversation between adults (only adults need reply):

I think the problem might be that you say you're a relationship-type of person by nature a little too losely. Yes, everyone loves & needs companionship; that's nature. But I think the problem is that you are too comfortable in saying that you naturally (2nd nature) tend to be a "forever friends" a little too losely. Sure, there is nothing wrong with being a ride-or-die friend or lover, BUT the love or friendship has to be REAL first & most importantly not just 1 sided. Alot of men desire a woman who has undying loyalty but will still take advantage of that same "advantage" you have in the beat of a minute if they can sense that you are that way by nature instead of just that way for THEM. If a man knows that you are this way for HIM b/c he earned that undying loyalty & love, he will respect it & not take advantage of it. But if this guy can sense that you won't ever let go, then you need to take some "ME" time & think about how you might be costing yourself your own relationships. You said it best; this guy got the impression that you didn't have the balls or the guts to leave even when you had a justified reason to & unfortunately, if you don't give him a reason to change or a reason to believe otherwise about you, then it's kind of pointless to be so disappointed at the end of this all when he convinces himself that you really don't have it in you (as a person) to just let love (good or bad) go. And you'd be suprised at how many men would STILL be in that bad relationship (where THEY were the ones who kept messing up) years later if the woman hadn't left, created more WISDOM instead of pain from the experience & had more balls for the next man to come along. Half of the time, the ball was really in OUR court the whole time & we have the power to control how most men treat us. Sure, even the women who are not relationship-types or who give off the signal that they are NOT to be played still get tested & play

Sure, even the women who are not relationship-types or who give off the signal that they are NOT to be played still get tested & played but they can atleast brag that by NOT being that (ride or die for ANY MAN) saved them alot of heartache in the long run.

I think you just need to re-focus your attention on WHY he's making this so hard for you. He's making this so hard for you b/c you gave him the impression that he could get away with murder & still have you next to him the next day. And when this happens, don't just spend ALL of your time venting about what HE'S done wrong or blah blah, but split it up into 50/50. If you're really done with this guy, then realize that no matter how long, how short, how good or bad the relationship went, there is always something to learn from it for the NEXT relationship you enter into. Don't change who you are as a person. If you're loving, be loving, BUT don't be so loving that it actually causes you more pain, heartache & confusion in the long run b/c that'll mean that you did this all for nothing. Be a good & loyal friend but make sure the other person is that way by nature TOO. It's not good enough for just 1 person to always be the only one willing to hold on or to let go. Find a way to let these guys know that you are loving, loyal & are an open book BUT not just for ANYONE; Instead, assure them that you are this way b/c THEY earned their way into those benefits.

You'd be suprised. 75% of a man taking you seriously when you say you're DONE with him is in what you DON'T say & what you DON'T do more than it is what you say, explain or argue. Leave him be. F him. Make this his loss. Sure, still be sad & get all of your emotions out but don't spend too much time with your head down b/c no relationship should ever be had or end in vain. Think of how you can prevent this "take me seriously" stuff next time & take responsibility for contributing to how what you projected out about yourself & how he felt he could treat you or never lose you.

Good luck girlie!

Update ladies

I lost my dad on April 6 2009. So, my phone was off and I was debating on turning it back on if you remember, I had cut him off communication. Well, I turned the phone back on and I did it w/no caller ID or V/mail or Text on, so it was only to save the number and be able to receive communication due to the loss of Daddy, well, the phone was off from 2-24-09 til 04-09 and on the night before I buried Daddy, Aqua called. 04-08-09. My dad's loss was unexpected, sudden and quick.
I have since let the phone go back down on 04-24-09 and can not decide on what to do, when he called me that night, I immediately choked, stopped myself, asked what in the world made him dial the number that had been off over thirty days at that point, to hear the "disconnection recording?" come on? I have not talked to him since. I have seen him from a distance, he did not approach me. IDK. IDK. IDK.
That night, I told him, I didnt need this right now, I had lost my dad, he insisted he wanted to see me, wanted me to come over, i held my ground w/NO. I tell ya, it was a 4x's deal of NONOetc......NO! I am not coming over and NO I wont have sex w/you and if you cant promise me you wont touch me I am not coming over to talk to you, I did not go.
I am like really?
I said to him, do you care about me even a little piece of anything, even a little? Yes I care about you, then I dont need this right now and let me do what I have to do in piece. He asked about my kids, and all kinds of things, but I dont trust it, the past says I was vulnerable and he was ready to pounce me while I was down again and I didn't fall this time. What do you think?

Other Aqua men? Any input for me? You all know I am open to anything? Willing to look at all POV. thanks!