making plans and not showing up?

This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by iamsoconfused on Sunday, July 27, 2014 and has 18 replies.
hey guys, so this aqua guy I've been friends with for a long time is acting really strange. Basically, I know we both like each other but I'm very confused. He texted me at 9 in the morning Friday telling me we should hang out that night. I had a few friends coming over so I invited him to come too and he said he would. He never showed up and never called or texted.
Then, Saturday he texted me saying he was sorry for not showing up but he was playing video games with his friends and got really drunk, etc etc. Whatever, i said it was fine. So then he asks me what I am doing that night... Again, I was going out with a few friends so I invited him along and he said he would come. He never shows up, never calls or texts me. Finally, I texted him saying I assume he is bailing again and he said yes. WTF??
He also did this a few weeks ago when he texted me wanting to hang out that night, told me what time he would be coming over. Again, he never showed up or called or texted. But then 2 days after that he finally showed up to hang out.
What is happening??? He initiates 99% of the contact between us... why is he acting this way?
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Aquas are very unpredictable, but I agree ^^^ don't invite your friends next time. He probably thinks "hey she's not alone, she won't miss me anyways if I don't show up..." so he doesn't show up. I think it'd be weird if I wanted to hang out with someone but every time I asked them they would always invite me to a group hangout. Do you like him? If so then be alone with him smile
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Thanks for the replies! I mean, he invites me out with his friends a lot and it seems like whenever I go to his house to hang out we usually hang with his friends too.
Hmm I didn't even think of that.
I do like him, we dated a few years ago but we broke up because it was long distance. But we still act like we are dating a lot of the time. He did hurt me in the past but he came back and we have been rebuilding our relationship for the past year. But, he has to do most of the work because I'm not ready to be vulnerable with him again.
I think he likes me. He has a funny way of showing it though. Last week he randomly texted me a heart just out of the blue. Haha. So I don't know.
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Posted by iamsoconfused
but he was playing video games with his friends and got really drunk, etc etc. Whatever, i said it was fine.


^^^ That my dear is your problem. You said it was 'fine' even though it wasn't. You should've communicated your annoyance then. But you didn't. You didn't nip it in the bud like you were supposed to. That is why he keeps standing you up. You're allowing him to. And even after this became a pattern, you still kept giving him chances.
If you don't like something, speak up! A simple "WTF" isn't speaking up. Inviting a person out again after they'd stood you up multiple times doesn't quite send the signal that standing you up is unacceptable lol If that's not the signal you want to send, then stop sending that signal
Tell him how you feel about it. Tell him how him doing that is possibly changing how you feel about the friendship and/or his character. If he's really your friend, you 2 should be able to talk about any and everything.
Stop being passive about the situation. No, you're not being mean by telling him. Everyone on earth hates being stood up. What he does is a universal annoyance, so don't feel bad for having something to say about it.
He doesn't respect your time b/c you don't demand that he do. You're only a priority when he's bored, but once he's found his time-void-filler (video games, other friends, etc.) , you're suddenly just an option to him. The minute he contemplates standing you up, he decides to go through with it b/c you say things like 'whatever, it's fine.'
If you don't like it, speak up. If nothing changes, then either stop inviting him places (eliminate opportunities for him to stand you up in the 1st place) or consider ending the friendship. Nothing we say to you will trump venting and talking to him.
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Thanks Krysrenee, you're right. I know I need to speak up. I just choose my battles I guess.
The thing I am confused about though is why does he continue to text me all the time and invite me out? The only thing I didn't agree with in your post is that he only asks me out when he is bored. I know that can't be true because he texted me Friday morning at 9 am saying his phone was about to die but we should hang out later after work. And, whenever he has blown off our plans, he texts me a few days later to apologize..
This might sound weird but I feel like he is testing me to try to get a reaction out of me to see if I care. He told me a few weeks ago that I need to start calling him sometimes because he is always the one to call me. I get the sense that he thinks I don't really care about him because I never contact him unless he contacts me. I know that sounds immature, but I'm just starting to get to the point of trusting him again after something that happened 2 years ago.
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Thanks Krysrenee, you're right. I know I need to speak up. I just choose my battles I guess.
The thing I am confused about though is why does he continue to text me all the time and invite me out? The only thing I didn't agree with in your post is that he only asks me out when he is bored. I know that can't be true because he texted me Friday morning at 9 am saying his phone was about to die but we should hang out later after work. And, whenever he has blown off our plans, he texts me a few days later to apologize..
This might sound weird but I feel like he is testing me to try to get a reaction out of me to see if I care. He told me a few weeks ago that I need to start calling him sometimes because he is always the one to call me. I get the sense that he thinks I don't really care about him because I never contact him unless he contacts me. I know that sounds immature, but I'm just starting to get to the point of trusting him again after something that happened 2 years ago.
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Posted by krysrenee7
Posted by iamsoconfused
but he was playing video games with his friends and got really drunk, etc etc. Whatever, i said it was fine.


^^^ That my dear is your problem. You said it was 'fine' even though it wasn't. You should've communicated your annoyance then. But you didn't. You didn't nip it in the bud like you were supposed to. That is why he keeps standing you up. You're allowing him to. And even after this became a pattern, you still kept giving him chances.
If you don't like something, speak up! A simple "WTF" isn't speaking up. Inviting a person out again after they'd stood you up multiple times doesn't quite send the signal that standing you up is unacceptable lol If that's not the signal you want to send, then stop sending that signal
Tell him how you feel about it. Tell him how him doing that is possibly changing how you feel about the friendship and/or his character. If he's really your friend, you 2 should be able to talk about any and everything.
Stop being passive about the situation. No, you're not being mean by telling him. Everyone on earth hates being stood up. What he does is a universal annoyance, so don't feel bad for having something to say about it.
He doesn't respect your time b/c you don't demand that he do. You're only a priority when he's bored, but once he's found his time-void-filler (video games, other friends, etc.) , you're suddenly just an option to him. The minute he contemplates standing you up, he decides to go through with it b/c you say things like 'whatever, it's fine.'
If you don't like it, speak up. If nothing changes, then either stop inviting him places (eliminate opportunities for him to stand you up in the 1st place) or consider ending the friendship. Nothing we say to you will trump venting and talking to him.

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I agree. You accepted the behavior the first time, so it becomes a precedence. He thinks its fine to be that way.
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Posted by iamsoconfused
Thanks Krysrenee, you're right. I know I need to speak up. I just choose my battles I guess.
The thing I am confused about though is why does he continue to text me all the time and invite me out? The only thing I didn't agree with in your post is that he only asks me out when he is bored. I know that can't be true because he texted me Friday morning at 9 am saying his phone was about to die but we should hang out later after work. And, whenever he has blown off our plans, he texts me a few days later to apologize..
This might sound weird but I feel like he is testing me to try to get a reaction out of me to see if I care. He told me a few weeks ago that I need to start calling him sometimes because he is always the one to call me. I get the sense that he thinks I don't really care about him because I never contact him unless he contacts me. I know that sounds immature, but I'm just starting to get to the point of trusting him again after something that happened 2 years ago.


Good gawd! Why does every girl who posts on here think an aqua male's bad behavior is a TEST? Same with the capricorn board.
It's not a test. It's a sign of disrespect. It's rude, inconsistent behavior and if you don't call them out on it, they will continue to do it. As they continue to do it, they will gradually lose respect for you until you become the midnight booty call. You know the girl they call when they strike out at the bar.
The first time it happens (okay, in your case the next time) just them point blank that you forgive them but their not showing up, not calling is rude and not acceptable. Tell THEM you are disappointed with them for not letting you know and you are beginning to believe they are not trustworthy nor true to their word.
In other words, they are failing YOUR test. Geesh!!! Why do you even continue to make plans with him?
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I wanted to rephrase that:
On a softer side.
I think aquas really mean it when they plan it. They really think the plan sounds like fun and they actually want to go. Then the time comes and for some reason, they've changed their mind.
Three possible reasons for this:
1. sometimes they just don't feel like doing it anymore (blah mood, no energy, feeling lazy, etc) so they back out; OR
2. something better comes along and they do that instead; OR
3. they get distracted by whatever is going on around them, lose track of time and forget about the plan.
It's up to you to stand up for yourself and call them out on their crap. I promise, they won't get mad. Actually, they will respect you more and be less likely to do this again.
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I agree with true cap. Aquas get distracted alot. I also agree that with people especially men essssssssssssspecially aqua men (no offense anyone! Tongue) you have to nip it in the bud right away and not in a emotionally dramatic sense but in a calm, cool way.
People only will do what you allow them to. The other day my so called friend when she was having guy issues last fall she would want to hang out and talk all the time but when she wasn't dating him anymore its like I didn't exist and I definitely didn't exist when she dating a new and thankfully nice guy. But guess what she contacted me out of the blue yesterday to show me how her "ex" contacted her out of the blue. That's the only reason she CONTACTED me. I even posted on FB about this one restaurant I wanted to go to that we were supposed to go back on February, but she never let me know when she was available so I posted on FB again (to my general list) about how i wanted to go to this place and she's like "I'll go with you...I've been soooooooooo busy" and so I said "Sure just let me know when your available" that was back in MAY! and she's been so busy with her new man and her other friends. It's not hard to plan a date she's not that booked out.
Anyway my point is, people will only do what you allow them so when she was talking to me about her bullshit ex, i barely responded. Which may cause her to try less but she wasn't trying that much to begin with. She's not an aqua by the way.
Hope you get my point.
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Mystified I'm going to tell you the truth she may say sure I want to hangout but It's as simple as this: People outgrow their circle , yes I just said that. Most people just don't become mutual anymore, people cling to people who can relate to situations then they move on when their is no more common interest.
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Posted by truecap
Posted by iamsoconfused
Thanks Krysrenee, you're right. I know I need to speak up. I just choose my battles I guess.
The thing I am confused about though is why does he continue to text me all the time and invite me out? The only thing I didn't agree with in your post is that he only asks me out when he is bored. I know that can't be true because he texted me Friday morning at 9 am saying his phone was about to die but we should hang out later after work. And, whenever he has blown off our plans, he texts me a few days later to apologize..
This might sound weird but I feel like he is testing me to try to get a reaction out of me to see if I care. He told me a few weeks ago that I need to start calling him sometimes because he is always the one to call me. I get the sense that he thinks I don't really care about him because I never contact him unless he contacts me. I know that sounds immature, but I'm just starting to get to the point of trusting him again after something that happened 2 years ago.


Good gawd! Why does every girl who posts on here think an aqua male's bad behavior is a TEST? Same with the capricorn board.
It's not a test. It's a sign of disrespect. It's rude, inconsistent behavior and if you don't call them out on it, they will continue to do it. As they continue to do it, they will gradually lose respect for you until you become the midnight booty call. You know the girl they call when they strike out at the bar.
The first time it happens (okay, in your case the next time) just them point blank that you forgive them but their not showing up, not calling is rude and not acceptable. Tell THEM you are disappointed with them for not letting you know and you are beginning to believe they are not trustworthy nor true to their word.
In other words, they are failing YOUR test. Geesh!!! Why do you even continue to make plans with him?
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i agree im also a victim of my disrespectful aqua bf i nipped the sh**t in the bud and told him exactly how i felt but logically about everything he did that i WOULD NOT TOLERATE!!! i let it be known whatever decision he made as far as us i was willing to live with u have to put your foot down they will treat u like an option out of their many distractions ever since the text he hasnt answered
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but im cool with it
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Well, classified, you found out where he stood, I suppose. You're probably better off. Now you can find a guy that treats you the way you want and deserve to be treated.
This stuff hurts, but most of the time, it is for the best in the long run.
Hope that helps you put it in perspective.
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God damn there's so much arguing than advice. Can everyone stop????
@classified: like I said in your other post:
Any rational adult would be honest and straight forward and considerate. He's not being consistent at all. That's a major indication he's either a twat or selfish. Ppl like that aren't worth putting any thought towards.
I think that should be the solution to this situation.
Can we all move on please?
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Posted by JoanieSagi707
Aquas are very unpredictable, but I agree ^^^ don't invite your friends next time. He probably thinks "hey she's not alone, she won't miss me anyways if I don't show up..." so he doesn't show up. I think it'd be weird if I wanted to hang out with someone but every time I asked them they would always invite me to a group hangout. Do you like him? If so then be alone with him smile


Lol I agree. I read somewhere before that aquas (maybe not all, but def applies to me) like to better socialize one-on-one. They can have many groups of friends, but may hang w/ them separately & never integrating them under one roof. He probably did want to hang out w/ you but meant exclusively just you & not everyone else. And by saying your w/ friends, he was probably thinking "Okay, next time".
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Posted by krysrenee7
Posted by iamsoconfused
but he was playing video games with his friends and got really drunk, etc etc. Whatever, i said it was fine.


^^^ That my dear is your problem. You said it was 'fine' even though it wasn't. You should've communicated your annoyance then. But you didn't. You didn't nip it in the bud like you were supposed to. That is why he keeps standing you up. You're allowing him to. And even after this became a pattern, you still kept giving him chances.
If you don't like something, speak up! A simple "WTF" isn't speaking up. Inviting a person out again after they'd stood you up multiple times doesn't quite send the signal that standing you up is unacceptable lol If that's not the signal you want to send, then stop sending that signal
Tell him how you feel about it. Tell him how him doing that is possibly changing how you feel about the friendship and/or his character. If he's really your friend, you 2 should be able to talk about any and everything.
Stop being passive about the situation. No, you're not being mean by telling him. Everyone on earth hates being stood up. What he does is a universal annoyance, so don't feel bad for having something to say about it.
He doesn't respect your time b/c you don't demand that he do. You're only a priority when he's bored, but once he's found his time-void-filler (video games, other friends, etc.) , you're suddenly just an option to him. The minute he contemplates standing you up, he decides to go through with it b/c you say things like 'whatever, it's fine.'
If you don't like it, speak up. If nothing changes, then either stop inviting him places (eliminate opportunities for him to stand you up in the 1st place) or consider ending the friendship. Nothing we say to you will trump venting and talking to him.

click to expand


100% agree. If I kept flaking on someone, but they kept telling me "It's fine" I would instantly shrug it off & think to myself "Okay, she said it was fine. It's all good." & not think I did anything wrong. It's simple: say what you mean & mean what you say. You just have to be 100% honest & blunt w/ how you're feeling. If I flaked & someone told me, "Wtf man, why'd you flake!" then that would encourage me to be remorseful & not do it again lol
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