Mixed Signals
This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by VenusLady on Tuesday, April 10, 2007 and has 10 replies.
I'm a taurus girl with an aqua guy. We met online 4 months and he lives 2 hours away from me but we try to see each other regularly. Recently he has been a bit distant when talking to him so I presumed from reading other posts that he just needed some space, so i gave it to him. Well last week Friday he calls me, sounding real down and asks me how serious i am about us. He tells me that he feels like sometimes i like him and sometimes i dont and that it hurts him when i dont call, he told me he wants to take our relationship further and that he is in love with me but needs a committment because he can't go on like this! Wow! This blew me away because i'm the one who always seemed to be doing the chasing and trying to get a commitment from him. I told him this and he told me that i was wrong and that he was the one trying to give me space. He says he i'm the one for him but he's scared he will mess things up with me and couldn't cope if he did that! He asked me to come down for the weekend so we can work it out but when i got there he seemed cold and distant again. We had a good time but its as though he can't look me in the eye and shys away from me. Its as though he wants my attention and affection but then can't deal with it when i give it to him. We didn't end up speaking about the "commitment" situation and when i brought it up he said that we could talk about it another time and should just enjoy here and now. Once again this made me feel like i was the one pushing for more....so my question is...does he want a serious relationship or not? This is so damn confusing!
Personally, I do not know if he wants a commitment or not but maybe next time he wants to see you.......have him come to YOU not you go to him. You made it tooooo easy for him. If a man is truly interested in you he will move mountains to be with you.
He is avoiding the issue of commitment huh? that most definately says a lot right there....He asks you to come and talk about it and then he puts you off for another time. Not a good sign sweetie.
Think about this - he just showed you his character...are you okay with the way he treats you? if so, keep on going. If not, move on because honey - he is who he is.
Personally, I'd drop him.
He is avoiding the issue of commitment huh? that most definately says a lot right there....He asks you to come and talk about it and then he puts you off for another time. Not a good sign sweetie.
Think about this - he just showed you his character...are you okay with the way he treats you? if so, keep on going. If not, move on because honey - he is who he is.
Personally, I'd drop him.
Thanks Freebird,
Actually HE always comes down to see ME, so we both knew it was my time to drive down to him so i dont think that you could call that easy. The thing is he does go out of his way but it seems as if he is only comfortable when he is initiating and not when i am. I dont think he's avoiding the commitment issue since he is the one who brought it to me and from what i've read the word commitment isn't something that comes easy to aquas. i just think he gets moments where he's comfortable talking about it and other times when he's not. People are always talking about the fact that actions speak louder than words and if i'm going by his actions then without a doubt he's in love with me but i think he's confused about the next step to take with me and i dont want to push him before he is ready. I have also noticed that he talks to me more over the phone or via email than in person, he seems to go into some kind of shell when we are together and this is the part that i dont understand. i just wonder whether aquas find it easier to give than receive love. If that's the case i dont mind receiving but i'll know to keep the giving on a down low...lol!
Actually HE always comes down to see ME, so we both knew it was my time to drive down to him so i dont think that you could call that easy. The thing is he does go out of his way but it seems as if he is only comfortable when he is initiating and not when i am. I dont think he's avoiding the commitment issue since he is the one who brought it to me and from what i've read the word commitment isn't something that comes easy to aquas. i just think he gets moments where he's comfortable talking about it and other times when he's not. People are always talking about the fact that actions speak louder than words and if i'm going by his actions then without a doubt he's in love with me but i think he's confused about the next step to take with me and i dont want to push him before he is ready. I have also noticed that he talks to me more over the phone or via email than in person, he seems to go into some kind of shell when we are together and this is the part that i dont understand. i just wonder whether aquas find it easier to give than receive love. If that's the case i dont mind receiving but i'll know to keep the giving on a down low...lol!
Listen to Freebird. She's very wise and helped me also with a situation.
"If a man is truly interested in you he will move mountains to be with you." This is so true and in my own case I had to face this very fact which hurt but it was true.
"If a man is truly interested in you he will move mountains to be with you." This is so true and in my own case I had to face this very fact which hurt but it was true.
"I have also noticed that he talks to me more over the phone or via email than in person, he seems to go into some kind of shell when we are together and this is the part that i dont understand."
Reason you do not understand this is because he is very uncomfortable with his emotions and expressing them with you. It is safe for him (emotionally) with you at a distance. It is easy for him to chat with you by email or phone. You, VenusLady seem to be very comfortable with yourself and your ability to express your emotions - hence, the confusion.
Thanks for the clarity on him coming to see you - good for him.
You will have to go within yourself and figure out if you can deal with a man who is not emotionally available to you. How will you be feeling with him 5 mos. down the road?
It might be a lot easier if you can find a man who is emotionally available. Just my thoughts...
Reason you do not understand this is because he is very uncomfortable with his emotions and expressing them with you. It is safe for him (emotionally) with you at a distance. It is easy for him to chat with you by email or phone. You, VenusLady seem to be very comfortable with yourself and your ability to express your emotions - hence, the confusion.
Thanks for the clarity on him coming to see you - good for him.
You will have to go within yourself and figure out if you can deal with a man who is not emotionally available to you. How will you be feeling with him 5 mos. down the road?
It might be a lot easier if you can find a man who is emotionally available. Just my thoughts...
Awwwww thanks Mystical for the compliment. Glad that I was able to help in some way.
Smiles
Smiles
"You, Venuslady seem to be very comfortable with yourself and your ability to express your emotions - hence, the confusion"
You hit the nail right on the head Freebird. I think right there is the big problem. I am expecting him to be able to express his emotions to me as i would him and its just not part of his nature. I don't think thats a bad thing but i can see how overtime that could create a problem in our relationship.
Oh and I agree with Mystical...you are a wise old owl indeed! :-)
You hit the nail right on the head Freebird. I think right there is the big problem. I am expecting him to be able to express his emotions to me as i would him and its just not part of his nature. I don't think thats a bad thing but i can see how overtime that could create a problem in our relationship.
Oh and I agree with Mystical...you are a wise old owl indeed! :-)
Well, I'm being truthful, Freebird. The Virgo guy has been missing in action for 4 months now. I haven't heard from him so I changed my number. There is no need for him to suddenly reappear when he's been gone for 4 months. I finally made up my mind that I was through with him. It's his loss to lose me, but I gain in the end because I will find someone worthy of having me and I them.
VenusLady, take things slowly. I've dealt with a guy who wasn't able to show emotions or anything. Finally, I had enough. I'm an Aquarian, and I love to give more than receive because if someone comes on too strong, it turns me off. Therefore in relationships I give more because I know the person is worthy of it. The only time I made a mistake was with one guy.
VenusLady, take things slowly. I've dealt with a guy who wasn't able to show emotions or anything. Finally, I had enough. I'm an Aquarian, and I love to give more than receive because if someone comes on too strong, it turns me off. Therefore in relationships I give more because I know the person is worthy of it. The only time I made a mistake was with one guy.
"Mixed Signals"
I read SOME of the book, but I forgot the characters and plot.
I read SOME of the book, but I forgot the characters and plot.
He says he i'm the one for him but he's scared he will mess things up with me and couldn't cope if he did that! He asked me to come down for the weekend so we can work it out but when i got there he seemed cold and distant again. We had a good time but its as though he can't look me in the eye and shys away from me. Its as though he wants my attention and affection but then can't deal with it when i give it to him.
Your Aqua totally sounds like me when I was emotionally unevolved, still trying to figure myself out and find my place in life, I wasn't comfortable with emotions, wasn't comfortable with hugging, wasn't comfortable with eye contact, hand holding, crying....all of it turned me off on the surface but deep down I envied it and yearned to be able to accept it and embrace it and express it.
he's smittened by you, he adores you but it seems he's afraid to physically express his feelings b/c he doesn't want to run you off
whats easy for some isn't so easy for Aquas b/c Aquas tend to never express emotions and I know when I do I feel so dayum akward, stupid and weird, my heart would race, I would get dizzy and flustered, its a very unfamiliar feeling and sometimes I felt so out of control that it wasn't a pleasant place to be in, very uncomfortable, of course I'm different now but I know what your Aqua is going through.
What I can add to this is...when I'm deeply in love or feel like I love someone so much it hurts, I clam up, I can't express my feelings, I will think about him all the time, yearn for him, want to see him, go out of my way to find him and be with him but forget about outwardly expressing it, so he would never know how deep my emotions run, of course this was before I worked thru alot of my emotional issues and I was much younger but I know that an emotionally unevolved Aqua can be very difficult to deal with b/c we are fixed in our ways until were not anymore.
I think your fine and I think your Aqua is totally digging you but If you need more outward expression like right now/right away you might want to reconsider your decision to be in his life b/c he isn't going to budge in the emotion department atleast not with ease he won't...your going to need huge amounts of patience, he's not too bad though, he expressed his feelings verbablly so thats a good start...patience
I say stick around and give it a try.
Your Aqua totally sounds like me when I was emotionally unevolved, still trying to figure myself out and find my place in life, I wasn't comfortable with emotions, wasn't comfortable with hugging, wasn't comfortable with eye contact, hand holding, crying....all of it turned me off on the surface but deep down I envied it and yearned to be able to accept it and embrace it and express it.
he's smittened by you, he adores you but it seems he's afraid to physically express his feelings b/c he doesn't want to run you off
whats easy for some isn't so easy for Aquas b/c Aquas tend to never express emotions and I know when I do I feel so dayum akward, stupid and weird, my heart would race, I would get dizzy and flustered, its a very unfamiliar feeling and sometimes I felt so out of control that it wasn't a pleasant place to be in, very uncomfortable, of course I'm different now but I know what your Aqua is going through.
What I can add to this is...when I'm deeply in love or feel like I love someone so much it hurts, I clam up, I can't express my feelings, I will think about him all the time, yearn for him, want to see him, go out of my way to find him and be with him but forget about outwardly expressing it, so he would never know how deep my emotions run, of course this was before I worked thru alot of my emotional issues and I was much younger but I know that an emotionally unevolved Aqua can be very difficult to deal with b/c we are fixed in our ways until were not anymore.
I think your fine and I think your Aqua is totally digging you but If you need more outward expression like right now/right away you might want to reconsider your decision to be in his life b/c he isn't going to budge in the emotion department atleast not with ease he won't...your going to need huge amounts of patience, he's not too bad though, he expressed his feelings verbablly so thats a good start...patience
I say stick around and give it a try.
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