My almost sexless relationship. How can I get the spark back?

This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by virgal_perfectionist on Monday, March 21, 2022 and has 152 replies.
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My bf and I have been dating almost a year (April 17) and he is the best man I've ever dated. I love him deeply and I could really see my future with him. He's very attentive, patient and loving. He spoils me from expensive dates & gifts to trips out the country. I often ask myself how did I get so lucky.


About a few months ago, after his birthday he mentioned that I wasn't attracted to him anymore because we haven't had sex in a couple of weeks. Then he cut communication from me and barely responded to my messages for 5 days. When we finally saw each other we talked about everything and worked things out - he even told me that he wouldn't 'ghost' me anymore.


Fast forward to this past weekend, I stayed the night at his place on Friday. I fell asleep early after watching a movie and woke up about 3AM to him fingering me abruptly which scared the living c**p out me. I never felt so violated and of course it started an small argument to the point he slept on the couch. I got up and left that morning and he's barely reached out to me since. I don't want to think the worse but I do think he's planning to break up with me because of this - the lack of sex in our relationship.


I do like having sex with my bf but lately I've gone back into the office for work and I am in school. We don't live together so I only see him Thursday - Sunday. However, when I do see him, I can admit, I do fall asleep early which leaves him frustrated. I wake up in the mornings to try to have sex with him and he turns me down because he is still in his feelings from the previous night.


I keep blaming myself and think I'm a horrible gf now because he doesn't seem happy anymore ...Idk what to do... How can I get the spark back?
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Posted by virgal_perfectionist

My bf and I have been dating almost a year (April 17) and he is the best man I've ever dated. I love him deeply and I could really see my future with him. He's very attentive, patient and loving. He spoils me from expensive dates & gifts to trips out the country. I often ask myself how did I get so lucky.


About a few months ago, after his birthday he mentioned that I wasn't attracted to him anymore because we haven't had sex in a couple of weeks. Then he cut communication from me and barely responded to my messages for 5 days. When we finally saw each other we talked about everything and worked things out - he even told me that he wouldn't 'ghost' me anymore.


Fast forward to this past weekend, I stayed the night at his place on Friday. I fell asleep early after watching a movie and woke up about 3AM to him fingering me abruptly which scared the living c**p out me. I never felt so violated and of course it started an small argument to the point he slept on the couch. I got up and left that morning and he's barely reached out to me since. I don't want to think the worse but I do think he's planning to break up with me because of this - the lack of sex in our relationship.


I do like having sex with my bf but lately I've gone back into the office for work and I am in school. We don't live together so I only see him Thursday - Sunday. However, when I do see him, I can admit, I do fall asleep early which leaves him frustrated. I wake up in the mornings to try to have sex with him and he turns me down because he is still in his feelings from the previous night.


I keep blaming myself and think I'm a horrible gf now because he doesn't seem happy anymore ...Idk what to do... How can I get the spark back?
Have sex before the movie or during smile Does he make effort & you say no?
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*I fell asleep early after watching a movie and woke up about 3AM to him fingering me abruptly which scared the living c**p out me*


He sounds like a piece of work

Clueless...

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Why aren’t you talking to him about it??
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I don’t know, I’d probably blame his poor movie choices for falling asleep and hasten the process of him breaking up with me.


I’ve got nothing. 🤷🏻‍♀️
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Posted by Hypnotoad

That's rape yo
yes it is
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Posted by PuzzlePieces
Posted by virgal_perfectionist

My bf and I have been dating almost a year (April 17) and he is the best man I've ever dated. I love him deeply and I could really see my future with him. He's very attentive, patient and loving. He spoils me from expensive dates & gifts to trips out the country. I often ask myself how did I get so lucky.


About a few months ago, after his birthday he mentioned that I wasn't attracted to him anymore because we haven't had sex in a couple of weeks. Then he cut communication from me and barely responded to my messages for 5 days. When we finally saw each other we talked about everything and worked things out - he even told me that he wouldn't 'ghost' me anymore.


Fast forward to this past weekend, I stayed the night at his place on Friday. I fell asleep early after watching a movie and woke up about 3AM to him fingering me abruptly which scared the living c**p out me. I never felt so violated and of course it started an small argument to the point he slept on the couch. I got up and left that morning and he's barely reached out to me since. I don't want to think the worse but I do think he's planning to break up with me because of this - the lack of sex in our relationship.


I do like having sex with my bf but lately I've gone back into the office for work and I am in school. We don't live together so I only see him Thursday - Sunday. However, when I do see him, I can admit, I do fall asleep early which leaves him frustrated. I wake up in the mornings to try to have sex with him and he turns me down because he is still in his feelings from the previous night.


I keep blaming myself and think I'm a horrible gf now because he doesn't seem happy anymore ...Idk what to do... How can I get the spark back?


Have sex before the movie or during smile Does he make effort & you say no?
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When I initiate it, I don't think he takes me serious unless we've been drinking. I am pretty playful so that may play a role. He initiates it most of the time which I prefer since I am submissive in the bed.
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Posted by Midnite_Riser
Posted by virgal_perfectionist

My bf and I have been dating almost a year (April 17) and he is the best man I've ever dated. I love him deeply and I could really see my future with him. He's very attentive, patient and loving. He spoils me from expensive dates & gifts to trips out the country. I often ask myself how did I get so lucky.


About a few months ago, after his birthday he mentioned that I wasn't attracted to him anymore because we haven't had sex in a couple of weeks. Then he cut communication from me and barely responded to my messages for 5 days. When we finally saw each other we talked about everything and worked things out - he even told me that he wouldn't 'ghost' me anymore.


Fast forward to this past weekend, I stayed the night at his place on Friday. I fell asleep early after watching a movie and woke up about 3AM to him fingering me abruptly which scared the living c**p out me. I never felt so violated and of course it started an small argument to the point he slept on the couch. I got up and left that morning and he's barely reached out to me since. I don't want to think the worse but I do think he's planning to break up with me because of this - the lack of sex in our relationship.


I do like having sex with my bf but lately I've gone back into the office for work and I am in school. We don't live together so I only see him Thursday - Sunday. However, when I do see him, I can admit, I do fall asleep early which leaves him frustrated. I wake up in the mornings to try to have sex with him and he turns me down because he is still in his feelings from the previous night.


I keep blaming myself and think I'm a horrible gf now because he doesn't seem happy anymore ...Idk what to do... How can I get the spark back?


What does your chart and his look like? Sun, Moon,Merc, Venus and Mars plz? Big Grin
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Me:


Sun- Virgo

Moon- Cancr

Merc - Virgo

Venus - Virgo

Mars - Gem


Him:


Sun- Aquarius

Moon- Libra

Merc - Aquarius

Venus - Capicorn

Mars - Taurus
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Wow, there’s definitely a talk that needs to be had. I think good communication can cure this. I’d explain to him that you’ve been busy and admittedly tired on your dates, and what you plan on doing to compromise and find a way to fix it. Whether that’s just knowing your body better and when you will start getting sleepy and adjusting your schedule so you have time while you’re not tired for intimacy. Then I would explain that while you want to compromise sometimes by having morning sex, but that you would appreciate him waking you more gently and less intrusively. That it really bothered you to be woken up to that and not some light kissing and caressing. You’re both going to have to be open and honest about your needs and see if you can meet in the middle with everything in life going on. That part of the relationship shouldn’t stress you out. Just let yourself speak from the heart and hopefully he will too.
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Posted by sweethearts

Why aren’t you talking to him about it??
We have but not recently. He shuts down then plays it off & says everything is ok - but then ghost me for a few days. Very passive aggressive.


I don't even know how to start the conversation this go round.
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Posted by virgal_perfectionist
Posted by PuzzlePieces
Posted by virgal_perfectionist

My bf and I have been dating almost a year (April 17) and he is the best man I've ever dated. I love him deeply and I could really see my future with him. He's very attentive, patient and loving. He spoils me from expensive dates & gifts to trips out the country. I often ask myself how did I get so lucky.


About a few months ago, after his birthday he mentioned that I wasn't attracted to him anymore because we haven't had sex in a couple of weeks. Then he cut communication from me and barely responded to my messages for 5 days. When we finally saw each other we talked about everything and worked things out - he even told me that he wouldn't 'ghost' me anymore.


Fast forward to this past weekend, I stayed the night at his place on Friday. I fell asleep early after watching a movie and woke up about 3AM to him fingering me abruptly which scared the living c**p out me. I never felt so violated and of course it started an small argument to the point he slept on the couch. I got up and left that morning and he's barely reached out to me since. I don't want to think the worse but I do think he's planning to break up with me because of this - the lack of sex in our relationship.


I do like having sex with my bf but lately I've gone back into the office for work and I am in school. We don't live together so I only see him Thursday - Sunday. However, when I do see him, I can admit, I do fall asleep early which leaves him frustrated. I wake up in the mornings to try to have sex with him and he turns me down because he is still in his feelings from the previous night.


I keep blaming myself and think I'm a horrible gf now because he doesn't seem happy anymore ...Idk what to do... How can I get the spark back?


Have sex before the movie or during smile Does he make effort & you say no?


When I initiate it, I don't think he takes me serious unless we've been drinking. I am pretty playful so that may play a role. He initiates it most of the time which I prefer since I am submissive in the bed.
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That’s what you think, but the issue sounds deeper than just sex.


“he mentioned that I wasn't attracted to him anymore because we haven't had sex in a couple of weeks”
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Posted by nanobotz

Figure out why it isn’t coming naturally to you to want to have sex with him and initiate, and I notice that you did not mention anywhere that you were physically and sexually attracted to him? Rhetorical. Maybe start there to find some answers
You bring up a great point that I didn't mention. I wasn't initially attracted to him upon meeting him. It grew as we dated. He's not unattractive whatsoever, he is not my physical type of man I've dated in the past... Which I think is better because I've chased looks before & that brought me nothing but drama.
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"Fast forward to this past weekend, I stayed the night at his place on Friday. I fell asleep early after watching a movie and woke up about 3AM to him fingering me abruptly which scared the living c**p out me. I never felt so violated and of course it started an small argument to the point he slept on the couch. I got up and left that morning and he's barely reached out to me since. I don't want to think the worse but I do think he's planning to break up with me because of this"


This is not a good relationship if you feel he will break up with you because you reacted poorly to him sexually assaulting you. You can't give consent if you are sleeping.


That in and of itself is icky. But what is the biggest red flag is the how he reacted to your reaction. Seems like the kinda dude who feels he owns your body. But no amount of gifts give you the right to finger someone when they are unconscious.


You were freaked out because you felt violated. He gets mad cause he feels rejected. This is not a healthy relationship.
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Posted by virgal_perfectionist
Posted by sweethearts

Why aren’t you talking to him about it??


We have but not recently. He shuts down then plays it off & says everything is ok - but then ghost me for a few days. Very passive aggressive.


I don't even know how to start the conversation this go round.
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This is also problematic. After he fingers you without your consent and then ghosts you, YOU are the one worried about his feelings and making the effort to reach out and smooth things over. Its so backwards.


If he cared about you as more than just an object for HIS pleasure he would make the effort to make things right, starting with an apology.




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Posted by DigitalGhost

Maybe he's a necropheliac? Is he a frat boy? Is he white? Does he or did he play lacrosse? Maybe he's a roofie-suave?


My guess is he's a meek person, who doesn't speak his mind, which makes him seem like a good boy. Until he does rapey shit like this.
No he's black - a bit 'nerdy' - an engineer

he is meek - he doesn't speak his entire mind especially when it comes to feelings - I have to reel it out of him
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Is he initiating sex and you refuse it each time?
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Posted by jazzykid
Posted by virgal_perfectionist
Posted by PuzzlePieces
Posted by virgal_perfectionist

My bf and I have been dating almost a year (April 17) and he is the best man I've ever dated. I love him deeply and I could really see my future with him. He's very attentive, patient and loving. He spoils me from expensive dates & gifts to trips out the country. I often ask myself how did I get so lucky.


About a few months ago, after his birthday he mentioned that I wasn't attracted to him anymore because we haven't had sex in a couple of weeks. Then he cut communication from me and barely responded to my messages for 5 days. When we finally saw each other we talked about everything and worked things out - he even told me that he wouldn't 'ghost' me anymore.


Fast forward to this past weekend, I stayed the night at his place on Friday. I fell asleep early after watching a movie and woke up about 3AM to him fingering me abruptly which scared the living c**p out me. I never felt so violated and of course it started an small argument to the point he slept on the couch. I got up and left that morning and he's barely reached out to me since. I don't want to think the worse but I do think he's planning to break up with me because of this - the lack of sex in our relationship.


I do like having sex with my bf but lately I've gone back into the office for work and I am in school. We don't live together so I only see him Thursday - Sunday. However, when I do see him, I can admit, I do fall asleep early which leaves him frustrated. I wake up in the mornings to try to have sex with him and he turns me down because he is still in his feelings from the previous night.


I keep blaming myself and think I'm a horrible gf now because he doesn't seem happy anymore ...Idk what to do... How can I get the spark back?


Have sex before the movie or during smile Does he make effort & you say no?


When I initiate it, I don't think he takes me serious unless we've been drinking. I am pretty playful so that may play a role. He initiates it most of the time which I prefer since I am submissive in the bed.


That’s what you think, but the issue sounds deeper than just sex.


“he mentioned that I wasn't attracted to him anymore because we haven't had sex in a couple of weeks”
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He knows that I wasn't initially attracted to him when we first met. I think he keeps that in his mind when we don't have sex as much as he wishes.
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I don’t think you guys are compatible for a long term relationship. And he’s very creepy.
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Posted by SnowsofKilimanjaro

Have sex
Seems pretty cut and dry.
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Either you want to have sex with the man or you don’t.


If you don’t, let someone else benefit from the free trips and expensive gifts.


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Mars in Taurus wants to bang

Mars in Gem wants to talk about banging



Incompatible


Did He even get birthday sex from you?


I knew you were an air mars as soon as I saw the title of the post.
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Posted by Undine

Is he initiating sex and you refuse it each time?
No, not every time - lately he has been waiting until I'm sleep and he wakes me to get some -but what happened on Friday night has my guards up. I never felt so violated before.
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Posted by Hypnotoad

That's rape yo
Yes it is
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Poor guy is getting called all kinds of names.


Ugh. Sexual incompatibility with the wrong person could get you into a world of trouble.


Taurus and Aqua in his chart makes for a freaky man. Hedonistic Alien.


He probably has so many fantasies and his stupid Venus in Capricorn hasn’t given him the permission to move on from you. He feels duty over his own needs.


With the right ho, she woulda had a secret camera rolling to record the whole jab and honest reactions.


I dated a sun in Taurus and if an unsolicited finger up your pusssssy scares you, whew Chile.


I’m guessing you’ve never woken him up with a blowjob.


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Posted by virgal_perfectionist
Posted by Undine

Is he initiating sex and you refuse it each time?


No, not every time - lately he has been waiting until I'm sleep and he wakes me to get some -but what happened on Friday night has my guards up. I never felt so violated before.
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Don’t let the “prude” in you take over Virgo. You’ve got tons of Virgo in your chart and FRANKLY, this guy ain’t your Master.


All Virgos need a master.


This guy ain’t it because you woulda had panties on saying “enter here.”

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Posted by DMV

Poor guy is getting called all kinds of names.


Ugh. Sexual incompatibility with the wrong person could get you into a world of trouble.


Taurus and Aqua in his chart makes for a freaky man. Hedonistic Alien.


He probably has so many fantasies and his stupid Venus in Capricorn hasn’t given him the permission to move on from you. He feels duty over his own needs.


With the right ho, she woulda had a secret camera rolling to record the whole jab and honest reactions.


I dated a sun in Taurus and if an unsolicited finger up your pusssssy scares you, whew Chile.


I’m guessing you’ve never woken him up with a blowjob.


Poor guy?


The op was scared ...
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Its almost a year in. Honeymoon period is over. Now the reality of life is settling in. Its not all roses and sunshine. The gifts and trips and moves to impress you are stacked up against being tired from work, incompatible sex drives, and poor communication skills.


Disagreements are par for the course in relationships. And you both have not cultivated the tools to communicate through arguments.


When something is wrong he puts on a brave face, tells you its all good, and then ghosts you for days. This is not healthy.


Its also not healthy for you to run after someone who wrongs you and not hold them accountable, at the very least have an uncomfy convo about what occurred, because you so fear loosing his attention and love.


Forget about the spark, you have bigger problems.

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Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV

Poor guy is getting called all kinds of names.


Ugh. Sexual incompatibility with the wrong person could get you into a world of trouble.


Taurus and Aqua in his chart makes for a freaky man. Hedonistic Alien.


He probably has so many fantasies and his stupid Venus in Capricorn hasn’t given him the permission to move on from you. He feels duty over his own needs.


With the right ho, she woulda had a secret camera rolling to record the whole jab and honest reactions.


I dated a sun in Taurus and if an unsolicited finger up your pusssssy scares you, whew Chile.


I’m guessing you’ve never woken him up with a blowjob.


Poor guy?


The op was scared ...
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I know, I know


I just can see where the guy was coming from.


If they had the sexual vibe between them, this coulda been avoided if they sent porn to one another of people doing things that they want to do.


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Posted by Atargatis
Posted by DMV

Poor guy is getting called all kinds of names.


Ugh. Sexual incompatibility with the wrong person could get you into a world of trouble.


Taurus and Aqua in his chart makes for a freaky man. Hedonistic Alien.


He probably has so many fantasies and his stupid Venus in Capricorn hasn’t given him the permission to move on from you. He feels duty over his own needs.


With the right ho, she woulda had a secret camera rolling to record the whole jab and honest reactions.


I dated a sun in Taurus and if an unsolicited finger up your pusssssy scares you, whew Chile.


I’m guessing you’ve never woken him up with a blowjob.


Agreed.


I’m also a Mars in Taurus with Aqua placements and that kind of awakening would have been exciting and sexy to me. Different strokes for different folks. 🤷‍♀️


Edit: if I’m in a relationship with you, I kind of feel like you’re mine and I’m yours… if me touching your d*** in the middle of the night to get you aroused and have sex is considered rape, that seems kind of crazy to me. It’s one thing if I don’t know you or don’t have a relationship with you and you do something like that, but to be with you for almost a year and that kind of touching bothers you to the point where you’re claiming I’m raping you, that’s wild to me.
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Agreed as well.


I feel like OP just doesn’t like the guy. Why is rape the first thing to come to your mind?


It’s most likely because you just don’t like him.
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Posted by IMNOTEVENREAL
Posted by SnowsofKilimanjaro

Have sex


underrated comment
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🤣
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Some of yall acting like you never spent the night at your man's house
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He turns you down in the morning when you try????



Not much else you can do. If he is gonna have a fit about WHEN then its other issues he needs to workout within himself. Sounds like he doesnt like rejection. You call alseep, after working and going to school all week. Yet you try and have sex the next morning just for him to reject you. I dont think youre the issue.
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True he keeps going to bed angry/hurt/horny


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Posted by Atargatis
Posted by DMV

Poor guy is getting called all kinds of names.


Ugh. Sexual incompatibility with the wrong person could get you into a world of trouble.


Taurus and Aqua in his chart makes for a freaky man. Hedonistic Alien.


He probably has so many fantasies and his stupid Venus in Capricorn hasn’t given him the permission to move on from you. He feels duty over his own needs.


With the right ho, she woulda had a secret camera rolling to record the whole jab and honest reactions.


I dated a sun in Taurus and if an unsolicited finger up your pusssssy scares you, whew Chile.


I’m guessing you’ve never woken him up with a blowjob.


Agreed.


I’m also a Mars in Taurus with Aqua placements and that kind of awakening would have been exciting and sexy to me. Different strokes for different folks. 🤷‍♀️


Edit: if I’m in a relationship with you, I kind of feel like you’re mine and I’m yours… if me touching your d*** in the middle of the night to get you aroused and have sex is considered rape, that seems kind of crazy to me. It’s one thing if I don’t know you or don’t have a relationship with you and you do something like that, but to be with you for almost a year and that kind of touching bothers you to the point where you’re claiming I’m raping you, that’s wild to me.
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This perspective where "to be with you for almost a year and that kind of touching bothers you to the point where you're claiming I'm raping you" is super problematic. Consent is important. Whether you've been with the person 10 days or 10 years.


Spousal rape was not considered real until the 60s. Yet plenty of women AND men experience unwanted sexual contact from their partners.



But like you said, different strokes for different folks.


For the op she has expressed to her bf that she felt violated when he fingered her while she was sleeping. This was an excellent opportunity for them to communicate and get on the same page. But instead he ghosts her.


This is not the first time either. She mentioned he typically waits until she is sleeping to attempt sex. She turns him down because she is tired or in this specific case, feeling violated by him.


If you care about your partner you want to meet them where they are at. He wants more sex, she wants to be awake during sex. The solution here is fairly obvious. But without proper communication its a dead end.

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Posted by DMV

Poor guy is getting called all kinds of names.


Ugh. Sexual incompatibility with the wrong person could get you into a world of trouble.


Taurus and Aqua in his chart makes for a freaky man. Hedonistic Alien.


He probably has so many fantasies and his stupid Venus in Capricorn hasn’t given him the permission to move on from you. He feels duty over his own needs.


With the right ho, she woulda had a secret camera rolling to record the whole jab and honest reactions.


I dated a sun in Taurus and if an unsolicited finger up your pusssssy scares you, whew Chile.


I’m guessing you’ve never woken him up with a blowjob.
Waking a bloke up with a blow job isn’t comparable with being woken up by having fingers jabbed inside you..

She obviously didn’t like it as she said it scared her

It’s immaterial whether you, I or anyone else would like it....
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Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV

Poor guy is getting called all kinds of names.


Ugh. Sexual incompatibility with the wrong person could get you into a world of trouble.


Taurus and Aqua in his chart makes for a freaky man. Hedonistic Alien.


He probably has so many fantasies and his stupid Venus in Capricorn hasn’t given him the permission to move on from you. He feels duty over his own needs.


With the right ho, she woulda had a secret camera rolling to record the whole jab and honest reactions.


I dated a sun in Taurus and if an unsolicited finger up your pusssssy scares you, whew Chile.


I’m guessing you’ve never woken him up with a blowjob.


Waking a bloke up with a blow job isn’t comparable with being woken up by having fingers jabbed inside you..

She obviously didn’t like it as she said it scared her

It’s immaterial whether you, I or anyone else would like it....
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It is comparable. Its a sexual act being performed on an unconscious body.

Lets not downplay the fact that unwanted sexual assault also happens to men.
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Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV

Poor guy is getting called all kinds of names.


Ugh. Sexual incompatibility with the wrong person could get you into a world of trouble.


Taurus and Aqua in his chart makes for a freaky man. Hedonistic Alien.


He probably has so many fantasies and his stupid Venus in Capricorn hasn’t given him the permission to move on from you. He feels duty over his own needs.


With the right ho, she woulda had a secret camera rolling to record the whole jab and honest reactions.


I dated a sun in Taurus and if an unsolicited finger up your pusssssy scares you, whew Chile.


I’m guessing you’ve never woken him up with a blowjob.


Waking a bloke up with a blow job isn’t comparable with being woken up by having fingers jabbed inside you..

She obviously didn’t like it as she said it scared her

It’s immaterial whether you, I or anyone else would like it....


It is comparable. Its a sexual act being performed on an unconscious body.

Lets not downplay the fact that unwanted sexual assault also happens to men.
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Yes it is comparable if it frightens the guy/or he is hurt by the act
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Posted by virgal_perfectionist
Posted by Undine

Is he initiating sex and you refuse it each time?


No, not every time - lately he has been waiting until I'm sleep and he wakes me to get some -but what happened on Friday night has my guards up. I never felt so violated before.
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I think you need some extra bed reading:


https://www.quora.com/Is-it-wrong-to-touch-my-boyfriend-while-hes-sleeping


An extract:


"I HAVE a girlfriend so she can touch me whenever she wants. Is this her sitting on my erect penis while I'm sleeping? WTF yes that's cool. Is this a wake-up blowjob? Also cool…i just have to stop it if I have to pee. A fist or giant cucumber in the a $ $ while im sleeping? Thats the only instance I can think of that I'd be upset, but a relationship is knowing your partner.


However, for ME, there is a double standard here and as a man, I have utmost respect for females. Me touching my girlfriend while she's sleeping is AlWAYS in an effort to turn her on enough to wake up and have sex…but it's light touching with a whisper in her ear. If she gets mad and kicks me off the bed, that's a no."


Or even better, get him reading it while you are falling asleep Winking
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Posted by CapOne

Some of yall acting like you never spent the night at your man's house


LMAO!!!


I can't be fingered in my sleep though.....I would wake up at the first touch and jump up and down on his....bed smile
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Posted by Atargatis
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by Atargatis
Posted by DMV

Poor guy is getting called all kinds of names.


Ugh. Sexual incompatibility with the wrong person could get you into a world of trouble.


Taurus and Aqua in his chart makes for a freaky man. Hedonistic Alien.


He probably has so many fantasies and his stupid Venus in Capricorn hasn’t given him the permission to move on from you. He feels duty over his own needs.


With the right ho, she woulda had a secret camera rolling to record the whole jab and honest reactions.


I dated a sun in Taurus and if an unsolicited finger up your pusssssy scares you, whew Chile.


I’m guessing you’ve never woken him up with a blowjob.


Agreed.


I’m also a Mars in Taurus with Aqua placements and that kind of awakening would have been exciting and sexy to me. Different strokes for different folks. 🤷‍♀️


Edit: if I’m in a relationship with you, I kind of feel like you’re mine and I’m yours… if me touching your d*** in the middle of the night to get you aroused and have sex is considered rape, that seems kind of crazy to me. It’s one thing if I don’t know you or don’t have a relationship with you and you do something like that, but to be with you for almost a year and that kind of touching bothers you to the point where you’re claiming I’m raping you, that’s wild to me.


This perspective where "to be with you for almost a year and that kind of touching bothers you to the point where you're claiming I'm raping you" is super problematic. Consent is important. Whether you've been with the person 10 days or 10 years.


Spousal rape was not considered real until the 60s. Yet plenty of women AND men experience unwanted sexual contact from their partners.



But like you said, different strokes for different folks.


For the op she has expressed to her bf that she felt violated when he fingered her while she was sleeping. This was an excellent opportunity for them to communicate and get on the same page. But instead he ghosts her.


This is not the first time either. She mentioned he typically waits until she is sleeping to attempt sex. She turns him down because she is tired or in this specific case, feeling violated by him.


If you care about your partner you want to meet them where they are at. He wants more sex, she wants to be awake during sex. The solution here is fairly obvious. But without proper communication its a dead end.


You’re absolutely right, consent is important and I agree. Obviously there are more issues here than expressed and communication is one of them. I do believe it is important to respect your partners wishes. I was just stating that for me personally, I would have enjoyed something like that, which is why I agreed with DMV in stating that they are sexually incompatible. We all view intimate moments differently, and I was just giving my perspective on that specific situation.
click to expand
Yeah the communication is definitely the main factor missing here, not the spark.

Communicating your boundaries and fantasies can be incredibly sexy. Just feeling safe enough in your relationship to be vulnerable and open up in that way brings a whole nother level of intimacy that no amount of trips and money can buy.



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Posted by Atargatis
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by Atargatis
Posted by DMV

Poor guy is getting called all kinds of names.


Ugh. Sexual incompatibility with the wrong person could get you into a world of trouble.


Taurus and Aqua in his chart makes for a freaky man. Hedonistic Alien.


He probably has so many fantasies and his stupid Venus in Capricorn hasn’t given him the permission to move on from you. He feels duty over his own needs.


With the right ho, she woulda had a secret camera rolling to record the whole jab and honest reactions.


I dated a sun in Taurus and if an unsolicited finger up your pusssssy scares you, whew Chile.


I’m guessing you’ve never woken him up with a blowjob.


Agreed.


I’m also a Mars in Taurus with Aqua placements and that kind of awakening would have been exciting and sexy to me. Different strokes for different folks. 🤷‍♀️


Edit: if I’m in a relationship with you, I kind of feel like you’re mine and I’m yours… if me touching your d*** in the middle of the night to get you aroused and have sex is considered rape, that seems kind of crazy to me. It’s one thing if I don’t know you or don’t have a relationship with you and you do something like that, but to be with you for almost a year and that kind of touching bothers you to the point where you’re claiming I’m raping you, that’s wild to me.


This perspective where "to be with you for almost a year and that kind of touching bothers you to the point where you're claiming I'm raping you" is super problematic. Consent is important. Whether you've been with the person 10 days or 10 years.


Spousal rape was not considered real until the 60s. Yet plenty of women AND men experience unwanted sexual contact from their partners.



But like you said, different strokes for different folks.


For the op she has expressed to her bf that she felt violated when he fingered her while she was sleeping. This was an excellent opportunity for them to communicate and get on the same page. But instead he ghosts her.


This is not the first time either. She mentioned he typically waits until she is sleeping to attempt sex. She turns him down because she is tired or in this specific case, feeling violated by him.


If you care about your partner you want to meet them where they are at. He wants more sex, she wants to be awake during sex. The solution here is fairly obvious. But without proper communication its a dead end.


You’re absolutely right, consent is important and I agree. Obviously there are more issues here than expressed and communication is one of them. I do believe it is important to respect your partners wishes. I was just stating that for me personally, I would have enjoyed something like that, which is why I agreed with DMV in stating that they are sexually incompatible. We all view intimate moments differently, and I was just giving my perspective on that specific situation.
click to expand


Double post strikes again... sigh


So I'll just add that we have no idea what kind of prior trauma the op has experienced, and obviously neither does her bf. Being woken with fingers inside of her was very disorienting and had her feeling scared and violated, which she is 100% valid in feeling. It makes it that much shittier that it was by her bf who she loves and cares for. In expressing her feelings he argues with her, shuts down, and then ghosts her. That's the most hurtful part imo.


If he had instead swallowed his ego and offered her an apology and empathy they could've grown a stronger understanding from this incident. Prolly had some makeup sex too.
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Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV

Poor guy is getting called all kinds of names.


Ugh. Sexual incompatibility with the wrong person could get you into a world of trouble.


Taurus and Aqua in his chart makes for a freaky man. Hedonistic Alien.


He probably has so many fantasies and his stupid Venus in Capricorn hasn’t given him the permission to move on from you. He feels duty over his own needs.


With the right ho, she woulda had a secret camera rolling to record the whole jab and honest reactions.


I dated a sun in Taurus and if an unsolicited finger up your pusssssy scares you, whew Chile.


I’m guessing you’ve never woken him up with a blowjob.


Waking a bloke up with a blow job isn’t comparable with being woken up by having fingers jabbed inside you..

She obviously didn’t like it as she said it scared her

It’s immaterial whether you, I or anyone else would like it....
click to expand
Agreed.


This is her issue.


But we also can’t negate that men can also be raped by a blowjob. I think I saw it on True Blood where Jason was kidnapped and forced to get hard and have sex with wolves.
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Ok so let me get this straight...this dude is usually the one to initiate sex...probably thinks that is what he's doing that night...she wakes up and recoils cuz there's no 'sexual attraction'...they have the 'talk'...now not only is he unattractive but a 'creep' too...decides to lay low cuz the whole situation is awkward af...but gets accused of ghosting her instead...but how dare he? You can't bring the spark bac cuz it never existed.
details
Posted by Atargatis
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by Atargatis
Posted by DMV

Poor guy is getting called all kinds of names.


Ugh. Sexual incompatibility with the wrong person could get you into a world of trouble.


Taurus and Aqua in his chart makes for a freaky man. Hedonistic Alien.


He probably has so many fantasies and his stupid Venus in Capricorn hasn’t given him the permission to move on from you. He feels duty over his own needs.


With the right ho, she woulda had a secret camera rolling to record the whole jab and honest reactions.


I dated a sun in Taurus and if an unsolicited finger up your pusssssy scares you, whew Chile.


I’m guessing you’ve never woken him up with a blowjob.


Agreed.


I’m also a Mars in Taurus with Aqua placements and that kind of awakening would have been exciting and sexy to me. Different strokes for different folks. 🤷‍♀️


Edit: if I’m in a relationship with you, I kind of feel like you’re mine and I’m yours… if me touching your d*** in the middle of the night to get you aroused and have sex is considered rape, that seems kind of crazy to me. It’s one thing if I don’t know you or don’t have a relationship with you and you do something like that, but to be with you for almost a year and that kind of touching bothers you to the point where you’re claiming I’m raping you, that’s wild to me.


This perspective where "to be with you for almost a year and that kind of touching bothers you to the point where you're claiming I'm raping you" is super problematic. Consent is important. Whether you've been with the person 10 days or 10 years.


Spousal rape was not considered real until the 60s. Yet plenty of women AND men experience unwanted sexual contact from their partners.



But like you said, different strokes for different folks.


For the op she has expressed to her bf that she felt violated when he fingered her while she was sleeping. This was an excellent opportunity for them to communicate and get on the same page. But instead he ghosts her.


This is not the first time either. She mentioned he typically waits until she is sleeping to attempt sex. She turns him down because she is tired or in this specific case, feeling violated by him.


If you care about your partner you want to meet them where they are at. He wants more sex, she wants to be awake during sex. The solution here is fairly obvious. But without proper communication its a dead end.


You’re absolutely right, consent is important and I agree. Obviously there are more issues here than expressed and communication is one of them. I do believe it is important to respect your partners wishes. I was just stating that for me personally, I would have enjoyed something like that, which is why I agreed with DMV in stating that they are sexually incompatible. We all view intimate moments differently, and I was just giving my perspective on that specific situation.
click to expand
Agreed.


For many, this is on their fantasy list.


But it seems like this couple in question doesn’t communicate about what they like sexually.
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Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by DMV

Poor guy is getting called all kinds of names.


Ugh. Sexual incompatibility with the wrong person could get you into a world of trouble.


Taurus and Aqua in his chart makes for a freaky man. Hedonistic Alien.


He probably has so many fantasies and his stupid Venus in Capricorn hasn’t given him the permission to move on from you. He feels duty over his own needs.


With the right ho, she woulda had a secret camera rolling to record the whole jab and honest reactions.


I dated a sun in Taurus and if an unsolicited finger up your pusssssy scares you, whew Chile.


I’m guessing you’ve never woken him up with a blowjob.


Waking a bloke up with a blow job isn’t comparable with being woken up by having fingers jabbed inside you..

She obviously didn’t like it as she said it scared her

It’s immaterial whether you, I or anyone else would like it....


It is comparable. Its a sexual act being performed on an unconscious body.

Lets not downplay the fact that unwanted sexual assault also happens to men.


Yes it is comparable if it frightens the guy/or he is hurt by the act
click to expand
I did it to a guy once and he was turned off.


I knew then, he didn’t like me like that.


We kinked differently.


Which is why I advise people to share porn clips they like.
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People in my circle with 3 or more Virgo placement like yours are prudes and find sex/cuddling and taking a shower (since you guys are obsessed with taking a shower) after sex a chore. You guys’ sexual libidos are not aligned.


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Posted by alexscaries

The last woman I went out with everytime I stayed over or she stayed at mine we had sex. Not boasting, just saying the spark was always there and we were together nearly two years. Like I say just comparing experiences as my relationship wasn't long and yours is a year.


What people forget is foreplay starts outside the bedroom. We didn't finish watching films most of the time. Sending dirty texts at work. You get the picture, no build up if it's "fancy a boneshaker at 2am?"
💋
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Posted by CapOne

Ok so let me get this straight...this dude is usually the one to initiate sex...probably thinks that is what he's doing that night...she wakes up and recoils cuz there's no 'sexual attraction'...they have the 'talk'...now not only is he unattractive but a 'creep' too...decides to lay low cuz the whole situation is awkward af...but gets accused of ghosting her instead...but how dare he? You can't bring the spark bac cuz it never existed.
The Virgo in her is disgusted anyway.


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Posted by Libra4rmTX

He turns you down in the morning when you try????



Not much else you can do. If he is gonna have a fit about WHEN then its other issues he needs to workout within himself. Sounds like he doesnt like rejection. You call alseep, after working and going to school all week. Yet you try and have sex the next morning just for him to reject you. I dont think youre the issue.
Morning sex is for rabbits.



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Posted by virgal_perfectionist
Posted by PuzzlePieces
Posted by virgal_perfectionist

My bf and I have been dating almost a year (April 17) and he is the best man I've ever dated. I love him deeply and I could really see my future with him. He's very attentive, patient and loving. He spoils me from expensive dates & gifts to trips out the country. I often ask myself how did I get so lucky.


About a few months ago, after his birthday he mentioned that I wasn't attracted to him anymore because we haven't had sex in a couple of weeks. Then he cut communication from me and barely responded to my messages for 5 days. When we finally saw each other we talked about everything and worked things out - he even told me that he wouldn't 'ghost' me anymore.


Fast forward to this past weekend, I stayed the night at his place on Friday. I fell asleep early after watching a movie and woke up about 3AM to him fingering me abruptly which scared the living c**p out me. I never felt so violated and of course it started an small argument to the point he slept on the couch. I got up and left that morning and he's barely reached out to me since. I don't want to think the worse but I do think he's planning to break up with me because of this - the lack of sex in our relationship.


I do like having sex with my bf but lately I've gone back into the office for work and I am in school. We don't live together so I only see him Thursday - Sunday. However, when I do see him, I can admit, I do fall asleep early which leaves him frustrated. I wake up in the mornings to try to have sex with him and he turns me down because he is still in his feelings from the previous night.


I keep blaming myself and think I'm a horrible gf now because he doesn't seem happy anymore ...Idk what to do... How can I get the spark back?


Have sex before the movie or during smile Does he make effort & you say no?


When I initiate it, I don't think he takes me serious unless we've been drinking. I am pretty playful so that may play a role. He initiates it most of the time which I prefer since I am submissive in the bed.
click to expand
Ok. So how often does he initiate? Because if he isn’t much, then I don’t see how this is on you.
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