My aquarius left me...after our 1 year anniversary

This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by sakesumo on Monday, September 21, 2009 and has 11 replies.
hello, it has been a while since i've been on here since I thought I had my aquarian all figured out! WE've been together a year, been on vacation together, spent many days of our week together...totally happy. No fights...I'm a libra, generally very compatible with aquarius. Within the last 3 days, our relationship has ended!!! He's running away, scared...all because there was a mention of key to his house!! I asked becuase I kept getting locked out when I would be over, it wasn't a request because I wanted to take away his independence...and this stirred him to look far into the future! HE all of a sudden, out of the blue- said he wasn't sure if he could see us together 2yrs down the road. HE claims he has always had an uneasy feeling about how things would end, even from the beginning! I always knew he had issues with relationships, but boy did this one hide it well! We were an established, happy couple! on vacation in July, i told him i loved him...it took him a few minutes to respond...he told me he wasn't sure what love was but that he didn't want to see me hurt and realized that he DID love me...with all that he does for me and all that he cares for me. He said 2 times since, and seemed to have meant it. But the two times since then that I said it, he responded...but only now that he's breaking up with me he mentioned that he didn't feel comfortable saying it! Is it reallly possible that this aquarius has spent ZERO time thinking of a possible future together in the past 1 year? He said there are moments when he knows and other when he doesn't. Mind you, I'm 29, just started nursing school and the last one month have been very preoccupied with school...he is younger than me, 25 just finished law school- and I believe is very stressed about where is life is going, if he'll find a job in town, or a job at all at this point! I've never pressured him into making decisions about our future becuase I myself am not ready, and thought I understood aquarian thinking, which is that he will need time to develop his career before thinking about future. I was perfectly ok with this, he is all messed up, has no idea what he wants or hwo to express why he's feeling the way he is at all! he's mentioned career, focusing on that...but I've been the most supportive girlfiend one could be! I feel like I'm in the twilight zone, we were HAPPY!!!!! Is this for real?! Please shed some light, my heart is broken...this was the man I thought I was going to
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to marry one day!!! We were perfect, perfect...I always thought his lack of expression of feelings was just his aqaurian ways...Now he needs space to figure this out...I don't mind giving it to me- but I know he loves me...there is no way that a man could treat a woman the way he has me, through his actions and then tell me that isn't love! There's not one reason he could come up with about why...he said he doesn' tknow if he has that "feeling"...it's almost like he wants to know that I'm the girl for him and is concerned that he doesn't know yet! obviously, people don't know right away...especially 25 emotionally young males who have not even started their careers yet. he is extremely driven, highly intelligent btw, i know success is important to him..but i feel he doesn't know how to concentrate on both! Please help, will he come back to me? I am going to give him his space...but my god, i have 4 exams this week and I feel like this hit me out of nowhere...it literally happened over night.
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I see a couple fatal mistakes most women make in your story, you chose a man that is afraid of commitment with YOU, not sure about you yet soldiered on hoping that if he stayed with you long enough he would change his mind (that rarely happens your either IT for him or your a FOR NOW option until the IT girl shows up) you said I love you first to a man that isn't sure about you which is very scary, it seems he felt forced to say it back, why not wait until he tells you he loves you instead and then you asked for a key to his apartment which is the first thing that will send a man running for the hills, he must offer a key or it won't feel right to him, if your being locked out all the time then it would be better to stay at your place rather than ask for a key.
He will be back around but you really have to use this apart time to figure out if this is the kind of man you want in your life. Most men know that at some point in a long term relationship they have to OFFER you marriage or LEAVE, he opted to leave which means he does not see you in his future, I suggest moving on if you want to be taken seriously, he's not as scared as you think, you asking for that key just brought the REAL realization that he just doesn't want to commit himself to marrying you.
Although you may have thought everything is perfect, he clearly knew that he would have to leave once your expectations began to seep through, you may not have felt your actions seemed pushy but clearly if he wasn't the one initiating giving you a key and saying I love you first then it will feel pushy to a man.
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WHAT??? DID SOMEONE SAY ANNIVERSARY???
*Scrambles behinds couch trembling in absolute terror*

(Aquarian reaction ^^^)
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or maybe u have to accept that u just aren't the one. it doesn't matter how great of a girlfriend u were. i've been there. i played the wifey role to my ex libra of 7 years and it still ended. i sensed that i just wasn't making the grade in his book and he wasn't in mine either.
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You know, humans do not equate to penguins, and loving behavior does not necessarily equal love. I'm sorry that you had to deal with someone who hadn't matured enough to be in a long term relationship. A lot of people are afraid of being with someone because they fear it might hinder their ability to find someone better, even if the relationship they're in is happy and fulfilling. It's the constant "what if" that runs through their heads, and this will never allow them to be in long-term relationships.
This is not your fault, I'm sure you're aware of that. You were a loving partner, and if he doesn't ever come back to you, you'll know that there are other people out there that will appreciate all you have to offer, and won't plan upon putting their running shoes in close proximity to them at all times.
Good luck!
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God I know how u feel. Of course I realize that my Aqua and I did have problems because I expected too much from him. I dont know if I can ever date another Aqua. It's just so much work. U have to tiptoe around them and hope that ur not coming across as too needy. Haha and my guy dumped me nearish our one year anniversry too. It sucks. I was getting so excited for it and he completely crushed me. Just give him time I guess. That's all u can ever do in these situations. Hopefully one day he'll change his mind. Better hope for himself it's not going to be too late.
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What sign was his venus in btw?
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thanks for all the great insight everyone...it's been a few days...and unfortunately I did not give him any space to think about things...I wasn't demanding answers but I fell apart...I had four nursing exams this week and just couldn't handle it! He helped me through it, he didn't want to see me fail after working so hard to get here in life, so he actually helped me study (his aqua brains were just wat I needed to get through)...but at the same time, after spending a couple of days with him while studying, so I could continue to focus on school- it didn't seem to change anything. He still needs his space to figure things out, but it does seem permanent. I think i've got him all figured out, but he doesn't have himself figured out is the problem. I know he cared about me as much he possibly could- I just feel he is built differently. He was scared of relationships when I met him, and he's scared now. I'm coming to terms with it because frankly I have no choice. I can only hope that he figures things out- though he made it appear so permanentSad I love him- I've loved him literally since the moment I met him...2 years ago. I guess what seemed to me as the best relationship in my life- with real potential was actually just one big, first real "relationship" experience for him.
All I can afford to focus on is studying right now, he wants to be friends..continue to stay in touch etc...and knowing him from the past, he will try. I know he'll call me in a week or two and want to do lunch, or go to a movie- anything so he doesn't feel "hated" by me...and slowly, he'll try to "court" me again- it happened once before, when we were not involved in a relationship but just "hanging out"....I think this type of man just likes the challenge and once the challenge is over, in combination with real life stressors- he just bails. I know i deserve better- and I know I appear to be crazy for stating this- but I have had a feeling since the day I met him- and through out the up and downs we experienced in the very beginning of meeting- that he was The One. I still feel he is, but only time will tell..thanks for your support.
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he's back! Thank you for all of your insight...but I'm totally confused...everything that I believed in once before feels like it's all been taken away from me. I'm a libra, I can tolerate a lot- but once I feel totally "rejected"...it's hard for me to come back. My aquarian boyfriend who lost it and told me within a matter of 2 days that we needed to break up because he just "had a feeling" things wouldn't work out- told me a week later- that he still cared about me and wanted me back. He realizes how much his life is better with me in it, yada yada....but he didn't come back with "I love you" which he only said a couple of times a few months ago...and when he did break up with me he told me he wasn't sure he knew what love was or if he loved me. Nor did he know if he could see me in the future. Now, I still think he doesn't know for sure, but he does know that he wants me in his life now. He said that he started to get scared of thinking about the future when he think about it because his future with career etc...is so up in the air. I think I got it out of him that partially he was feeling scared about the thought of finding work outside of where we live- but he also isn't looking for work outside of our city. Anyways, so I said ok. I said I'd give it some time- but that I wouldn't wait around forever. Once I'm out of nursing school- if he doesn't know by then- then I'll have to move forward. He realizes he freaked out- and that he didn't handle it properly.
My problem now, I've seen him a couple of times this week- and everything has changed- for me. I think I was so hurt that I can't look at him the same. I thought our relationship rocked, I wasn't scared of it, I wasn't scared of our future- and had faith in us. Now, I don't know what to do or think. I feel guarded, like I have to protect myself with him. I feel like it's all just fake now...I love him, I truly do- like i said before- I've loved him for the moment I met him over 2 years ago...but how can he expect for things to be normal? He said he knows we have to be patient and that it may take time- to heal, etc...but I am having a hard time believing in him- in us now. It's more heartbreaking than when he broke up with me. I want to feel, I want to love- but I still have to be careful- I'm still expected to "hold back". At least , that is how I feel I'm supposed to be. I don't know what to do.
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sakesumo..im also Libra and know how you feel about changed feelings after such a painful experience. Your not in love now..even if you love him still. End it because you will destroy yourself with insecurity and negativity..and gradually you will come to hate him for what he did. You cant trust this guy to consider you as his equal, and its all his fault.
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