rayofhope
@rayofhope
10 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 50 · Topics: 1
need help with aqua man!!
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He doesn't sound happy.
You don't sound happy.
You don't sound happy.
You are from the middle east? Is this an arranged marriage?
Posted by truecapWhy would it be arranged? She clearly said that theyve known eachother for 9 yrs and have been engaged for 1,5 . When middle Easters get arranged marriages they go right into the engagement state after theyve both agreed on marrying the other person. Trust , i have middle easters friends
You are from the middle east? Is this an arranged marriage?
Okay honey, ive been there. The guy i was going to marry was like that. And there was no peace of mind when we talked etc. always ended in a fight/ argument. I felt the same way you did , was scared to leave him cause i didnt wanna hurt him or give up since i had come so far. Sat for a yr thinking observing and analysing , id say the same thing. Were meant to be cause we always ended up getting back together after 4 yrs of talking and cutting the relationship. I finally left him, and i instantly felt like a mew person. Felt like i had been trapped in a cage and when i left him i felt like i could fly and be my happy self again. I he isnt bringing you peace of mind and comfort , LEAVE. You dont wanna get divorced later cause you cant stand him period. I can almost guarantee you have nothing to dear, taking from me i was once in your shoes, had the se fears and now iam way happier.
Mew* , fear, take it***
Posted by truecapNope, its a love marrige, and thats why i am confused. Was it my wrong jugement that i didnt see for 9 years or are these his true colors?
You are from the middle east? Is this an arranged marriage?
Posted by bricklemarkAww, you seem very mature though posting up a comment bashing someone eles down. If you do not have anything nice to say id like to ask you to not post back here.
It's not a very long story, you just made it long because you're immature and stupid.
Good luck.
Posted by notafollowerAs much as i think about leaving him, i am at that position where id have to deal with a big mess from my family as i was the one who agreed to marry him. Our community is still very backminded when it comes to these things unfortunatly
Okay honey, ive been there. The guy i was going to marry was like that. And there was no peace of mind when we talked etc. always ended in a fight/ argument. I felt the same way you did , was scared to leave him cause i didnt wanna hurt him or give up since i had come so far. Sat for a yr thinking observing and analysing , id say the same thing. Were meant to be cause we always ended up getting back together after 4 yrs of talking and cutting the relationship. I finally left him, and i instantly felt like a mew person. Felt like i had been trapped in a cage and when i left him i felt like i could fly and be my happy self again. I he isnt bringing you peace of mind and comfort , LEAVE. You dont wanna get divorced later cause you cant stand him period. I can almost guarantee you have nothing to dear, taking from me i was once in your shoes, had the se fears and now iam way happier.
I just got off the phone with him asking him why he did what he did to me (with regards to yet another recent fight) and again he had all the points to only blame me. How can one make an aquarian understand anothers point of view? As the convo got heated i couldnt keep up and said i want a break from this relationship. He just said if thats what you want then take it but i know you will come crawlinhg back and when you do i want you to come with an appology for your mistake. I am sick of appologizing for things i didnt do. I know that eventually i will have to marry him and this will also die down. But i want him to realise what he does to me and make his move 1st. Is it coz of my ego? How can i make him, being the stubborn aqua he his, see from my point? Or is this impossible to do and i will just have to give up on him one day?
Posted by rayofhopePosted by notafollowerAs much as i think about leaving him, i am at that position where id have to deal with a big mess from my family as i was the one who agreed to marry him. Our community is still very backminded when it comes to these things unfortunatly
Okay honey, ive been there. The guy i was going to marry was like that. And there was no peace of mind when we talked etc. always ended in a fight/ argument. I felt the same way you did , was scared to leave him cause i didnt wanna hurt him or give up since i had come so far. Sat for a yr thinking observing and analysing , id say the same thing. Were meant to be cause we always ended up getting back together after 4 yrs of talking and cutting the relationship. I finally left him, and i instantly felt like a mew person. Felt like i had been trapped in a cage and when i left him i felt like i could fly and be my happy self again. I he isnt bringing you peace of mind and comfort , LEAVE. You dont wanna get divorced later cause you cant stand him period. I can almost guarantee you have nothing to dear, taking from me i was once in your shoes, had the se fears and now iam way happier.
click to expand
Listen man, this guy dosent love you, he has taken you for hranted. I also thought my fam would be upset a me for turning him down after meeting my fam. But they understood and said that i should do what makes me happy. My parents supported my decision and i was surprised because i never told people what hed do to me so they wouldnt see i coming. Trust me on this one . Youll come bak and thank me
Posted by bricklemarkLook at you being all kind and sweet. You have some growing up to do.
It's not a very long story, you just made it long because you're immature and stupid.
Posted by notafollowerI get what your saying. However, i really wana know whats in his head. Unfortunatly, its not that easyvto leave him since my family and his too are always telling me stick around and telling me stories of how men change after marrige. I dont believe it but it makes me think like they are hoping for it to work and i dont wana let them down.Posted by rayofhopePosted by notafollowerAs much as i think about leaving him, i am at that position where id have to deal with a big mess from my family as i was the one who agreed to marry him. Our community is still very backminded when it comes to these things unfortunatly
Okay honey, ive been there. The guy i was going to marry was like that. And there was no peace of mind when we talked etc. always ended in a fight/ argument. I felt the same way you did , was scared to leave him cause i didnt wanna hurt him or give up since i had come so far. Sat for a yr thinking observing and analysing , id say the same thing. Were meant to be cause we always ended up getting back together after 4 yrs of talking and cutting the relationship. I finally left him, and i instantly felt like a mew person. Felt like i had been trapped in a cage and when i left him i felt like i could fly and be my happy self again. I he isnt bringing you peace of mind and comfort , LEAVE. You dont wanna get divorced later cause you cant stand him period. I can almost guarantee you have nothing to dear, taking from me i was once in your shoes, had the se fears and now iam way happier.
Listen man, this guy dosent love you, he has taken you for hranted. I also thought my fam would be upset a me for turning him down after meeting my fam. But they understood and said that i should do what makes me happy. My parents supported my decision and i was surprised because i never told people what hed do to me so they wouldnt see i coming. Trust me on this one . Youll come bak and thank meclick to expand
Him being aqua, can you help me how to deal with him in terms of the sign? I know your trying to help me by advising me to leave him, but its something i cannot do so im looking for ways to make it work. It was my decision to be with him, and n
Posted by notafollowerOh, I didn't know. Thought I'd ask. Thanks for explaining.Posted by truecapWhy would it be arranged? She clearly said that theyve known eachother for 9 yrs and have been engaged for 1,5 . When middle Easters get arranged marriages they go right into the engagement state after theyve both agreed on marrying the other person. Trust , i have middle easters friends
You are from the middle east? Is this an arranged marriage?click to expand
Posted by rayofhopeHe just sounds like an arrogant ass.Posted by notafollowerAs much as i think about leaving him, i am at that position where id have to deal with a big mess from my family as i was the one who agreed to marry him. Our community is still very backminded when it comes to these things unfortunatly
Okay honey, ive been there. The guy i was going to marry was like that. And there was no peace of mind when we talked etc. always ended in a fight/ argument. I felt the same way you did , was scared to leave him cause i didnt wanna hurt him or give up since i had come so far. Sat for a yr thinking observing and analysing , id say the same thing. Were meant to be cause we always ended up getting back together after 4 yrs of talking and cutting the relationship. I finally left him, and i instantly felt like a mew person. Felt like i had been trapped in a cage and when i left him i felt like i could fly and be my happy self again. I he isnt bringing you peace of mind and comfort , LEAVE. You dont wanna get divorced later cause you cant stand him period. I can almost guarantee you have nothing to dear, taking from me i was once in your shoes, had the se fears and now iam way happier.
I just got off the phone with him asking him why he did what he did to me (with regards to yet another recent fight) and again he had all the points to only blame me. How can one make an aquarian understand anothers point of view? As the convo got heated i couldnt keep up and said i want a break from this relationship. He just said if thats what you want then take it but i know you will come crawlinhg back and when you do i want you to come with an appology for your mistake. I am sick of appologizing for things i didnt do. I know that eventually i will have to marry him and this will also die down. But i want him to realise what he does to me and make his move 1st. Is it coz of my ego? How can i make him, being the stubborn aqua he his, see from my point? Or is this impossible to do and i will just have to give up on him one day?click to expand
I don't think his attitude will die down. think if you stay with him, you will lose yourself, end up on antidepressants and be miserable. You know not everything is all your fault, but it's hard to keep your self esteem when you'r
Posted by notafollowerI agree. I respect your decision.Posted by rayofhopePosted by notafollowerAs much as i think about leaving him, i am at that position where id have to deal with a big mess from my family as i was the one who agreed to marry him. Our community is still very backminded when it comes to these things unfortunatly
Okay honey, ive been there. The guy i was going to marry was like that. And there was no peace of mind when we talked etc. always ended in a fight/ argument. I felt the same way you did , was scared to leave him cause i didnt wanna hurt him or give up since i had come so far. Sat for a yr thinking observing and analysing , id say the same thing. Were meant to be cause we always ended up getting back together after 4 yrs of talking and cutting the relationship. I finally left him, and i instantly felt like a mew person. Felt like i had been trapped in a cage and when i left him i felt like i could fly and be my happy self again. I he isnt bringing you peace of mind and comfort , LEAVE. You dont wanna get divorced later cause you cant stand him period. I can almost guarantee you have nothing to dear, taking from me i was once in your shoes, had the se fears and now iam way happier.
Listen man, this guy dosent love you, he has taken you for hranted. I also thought my fam would be upset a me for turning him down after meeting my fam. But they understood and said that i should do what makes me happy. My parents supported my decision and i was surprised because i never told people what hed do to me so they wouldnt see i coming. Trust me on this one . Youll come bak and thank meclick to expand
OP, you're marrying him, not your family. Like her story, I think your family might be disappointed because they like him, but ultimately, they love you and want you to be happy.
As far as advice on dealing with an aqua, the only thing that will work is to appeal to his logic. Use statistics and scientific evidence if you have to. Emotional approaches won't be heard, so try to logically and rationally explain to him about your thoughts, being careful not to place any blame or accusations on what he's doing.
They are a fixed sign, so getting them to change their minds about something is difficult.
They are a fixed sign, so getting them to change their minds about something is difficult.
Thanks alot to everyone who has helped me with this. I appriciate you all taking the time to knock some sense into me 🙂.
I cannot say if i am ready to let the relationship go but i can say that i am definatly thinking about my options now. If anything maybe ill try what "truecap" has said about aqua men and the logical aspect in them and see how that goes. If that didnt work either then in will consider moving on.
As hard as it is staying with him, its even harder to let go. 9 years is a long time and we have been through ALOT togther. We still stuck around and this is what makes me feel like it might work out for us one day. But i know now that in the process of waiting for that "one day" i might lose myself. Not sure if thats what life and destiny has in store for me 😢
Thanks anyways guys!! Wishing you all the very best in life 🙂
I cannot say if i am ready to let the relationship go but i can say that i am definatly thinking about my options now. If anything maybe ill try what "truecap" has said about aqua men and the logical aspect in them and see how that goes. If that didnt work either then in will consider moving on.
As hard as it is staying with him, its even harder to let go. 9 years is a long time and we have been through ALOT togther. We still stuck around and this is what makes me feel like it might work out for us one day. But i know now that in the process of waiting for that "one day" i might lose myself. Not sure if thats what life and destiny has in store for me 😢
Thanks anyways guys!! Wishing you all the very best in life 🙂
Best of luck!
Posted by rayofhope
Thanks alot to everyone who has helped me with this. I appriciate you all taking the time to knock some sense into me 🙂.
I cannot say if i am ready to let the relationship go but i can say that i am definatly thinking about my options now. If anything maybe ill try what "truecap" has said about aqua men and the logical aspect in them and see how that goes. If that didnt work either then in will consider moving on.
As hard as it is staying with him, its even harder to let go. 9 years is a long time and we have been through ALOT togther. We still stuck around and this is what makes me feel like it might work out for us one day. But i know now that in the process of waiting for that "one day" i might lose myself. Not sure if thats what life and destiny has in store for me 😢
Thanks anyways guys!! Wishing you all the very best in life 🙂
If u dont like the way your life is change it! Youre not a tree. & being unhappy wont only affect u , but those around you. So youre not making a selfish decision. You cant change a man, stop wasting your tone! (K now that ive said what i had in mind and felt that u needed to hear) wish u the best of luck regardless. May it bring happiness to you if its what youve decided xx
I admire your dealing with him in such a manner. We all can be different.
Also, not sure if you are a cancer or the sorts- so your actions and responses may be hidden/desguised and we are only getting a victim response.
Have you been straight up with him? Tell him you don't like feeling the victim and you are trying to do what you can to compromise and come to terms in agreement? Tell him you hope you both don't live the entire rest of your lives in headaches and arguments? Ask him what he feels needs to be done on both his and your parts to put out what seems to be a raging fire already in process?
Also, not sure if you are a cancer or the sorts- so your actions and responses may be hidden/desguised and we are only getting a victim response.
Have you been straight up with him? Tell him you don't like feeling the victim and you are trying to do what you can to compromise and come to terms in agreement? Tell him you hope you both don't live the entire rest of your lives in headaches and arguments? Ask him what he feels needs to be done on both his and your parts to put out what seems to be a raging fire already in process?
Oops... I did see you said you were a sag. So, is your ways of discussing using a sharp tongue or are you using that wonderful sag trait of open mindedness and understanding?
The Sag "I know" factor can work wonders with the Aquas "I know " factor
The Sag "I know" factor can work wonders with the Aquas "I know " factor
Not sure where your antics come from. I usually try to see others' point of view. It's the purpose of questions, conversations and debate. But imo, launching an attack to solve their issues hardly seems beneficial besides fueling an even larger fire. There are always two sides of the story. She may have more to it or maybe is dead on that he is just like this for no reason.
Posted by Scartooth11Hi scartooth,
Oops... I did see you said you were a sag. So, is your ways of discussing using a sharp tongue or are you using that wonderful sag trait of open mindedness and understanding?
The Sag "I know" factor can work wonders with the Aquas "I know " factor
So to answer to you, i am usually very open minded and calm to start the conversation, i try my best to keep my tone calm and try to explain to him in a good manner, try to have a mature talk. But he enever does the same, i say one thing he and he has nasty answers waiting for me, and thats why i get mad after trying so much not to say anything wrong(which i dont) but my tone changes, then i start to come back at him since what he says hurts me. And it goes on like this and ends with him hanging up on my face and me just crying...
Posted by SugarfootSugarfoot, i agree with what you have said, he is always dismissing what i or our familes say to him. The current fight to which i started this post is still going on. Our mothers have also talked to him but he is extermely rude to them and has a dead end answer to everything. We tried to tell him that our families are involved in this relationship now but he just says " i dont give a **** about anyone,do what ever you want" and to that no one( not even his mom) can reply back. He has basically made me look like a horrible two faced person infornt of his extened family which hurts me alot. Knowing all this i STILL made an effort to talk to him today. And i got nothing but nasty rude comebacks like a whip! Nothing seems to be working with him. I am hurt about the things he did to me but he cannot seem to get over his selfish needs and hear me out! All i ask for him is to meet me in the middle!! But nothing. I am tried of trying...but i get stuck thinking that if i dont try to resolve this (yet again!) He will never ever make any postive move, which not only effects me but our families too. It breaks my heart to see how my mom tried to speak softly(almost out of fear of him screaming and blowing up at her) just to get him to understand something so small. He needs to cater to my needs for me to cater to his. But sadly, he has been taught to believe that men should be worshiped. And i blame his parents for that. Anyway...any advise on how to get across a point? Or should i just leave him on his own n pray that maybe one day he will wake up and see what he has been doing to me?
With him being a fixed sign it will be nearly impossible for him to see your point of view. All they see is their own and especially when under "attack" they will arrogantly dismiss anyone else's no matter how logical or correct you may be. He will think about the things you've said after the conversation is over and he's done rebuffing you. So if you're dead set on marrying him (which seems like a huge mistake given everything you've said), accept this about him. Speak your piece, don't back down, and end the conversation. Never apologize to him when you haven't done anything wrong. If you let this type of aqua walk over you, they can become abusive and very cruel because they lose respect for you. Always alway always stand up for yourself with him.
Well, sounds like he also needs to try a bit on his part. Aqua tempers can boil quick and paired with stubbornness...
Are fights only like that when not face to face?
I wouldn't try to force feed a point across. Sometimes I can feel annoyed when I already thought something all the way to point "T", but others feel they still need to pound in point B...which in a way shows you aren't giving credit or treart him as if he is too dumb to get a point.
Just a thought. But have you simply just said... Your words hurt. Let's try to work things out. If you care about him... Just say... I care about you. I think we both enjoy us and I hope we both can make an effort to not let things get so worked up. Both make an active approach.
Are fights only like that when not face to face?
I wouldn't try to force feed a point across. Sometimes I can feel annoyed when I already thought something all the way to point "T", but others feel they still need to pound in point B...which in a way shows you aren't giving credit or treart him as if he is too dumb to get a point.
Just a thought. But have you simply just said... Your words hurt. Let's try to work things out. If you care about him... Just say... I care about you. I think we both enjoy us and I hope we both can make an effort to not let things get so worked up. Both make an active approach.
Hey all. Um.. so ..i remebered a few days ago that i posted up in here asking for advise to understand my then fiance now husband( let the eyerolls begin) better. A little update would be i have a 3 yr old son with him and ...the one thing that is distroying my marrige now is that he had an affair with his close family member til my son was 6 months old..and..ofc i cant get over that till now. So..im in such a rut that i wana leave him but i cant bare my son having to deal with the drama of it all. Question for other aqua men out there....does a love affair die out? Or one sight of her and all those feelings are back? Also..can they be faithfull again? Ive become a jealous, suspicious wife now with a bad temper and anixity...he has clearly told me to my face and our parents that he doesnt want me coz of me being suspicious and all that. They tell me its just his anger talking and that i need to give him time to cool down. I dont know if he means it or not. Pls help me understand and deal with this issue...
@Timon...yes i agree i ignored all the signs...you can say i was too in love to thinknof myself. But..now its not as easy as just packing up and leaving. I just wish there was a way to teach him a lesson......its not about just me or him...its about our son...he needs to learn to understand what he will go through if we were to seperate....like i said im in a rut.
You were trying to hard back then and wanting to change him. Something that never works with an Aquarius. They change for love and not if you try to push them.
I am sorry you are going through this but you don’t seem compatible. It takes two to tango and you have been pulling him along all by yourself.
Think of what is best for you and you child and don’t waste any more of your precious life because of him.
I am sorry you are going through this but you don’t seem compatible. It takes two to tango and you have been pulling him along all by yourself.
Think of what is best for you and you child and don’t waste any more of your precious life because of him.
Does waiting it out work? I would consider divorce as my last option..
Try couples therapy.
@timon - i understand. So..its either i live like this ...or i make a decision to leave him. I just wish there was a middle ground where i didnt have to do the latter and id be happy as well.
@DMV - no such thing where i come from unfortunatly...having anixety itself is labelled as your a psycho which ive been called before....
@DMV - no such thing where i come from unfortunatly...having anixety itself is labelled as your a psycho which ive been called before....
Affair with his close family member??
Who?
Who?
10 years in and feeling this way? Yikes! Claim your life back and embrace a new beginning. This seriously sounds like a never winning battle. Ugh.
Dear all, i was hoping to get some advice in terms of his sign and how to deal with the situation keeping his star sign in mind. I dont want to leave him for the sake of my son. I know its easier to walk out and be independent and look after my son. Being an educated women its easy for me to earn a living. But i am not wanting my son to come from a broken home. In my personal experience ( from my family members) the child is the one who suffers no matter how good you treat them. Hence, divorce would be my absoulte last option. If i am scared for my life, or my sons, i would leave. But so far its just alot of mental abuse. Nothing physical.
I would really appericiate of someone could give me some insight on how to deal with him and the situation knowing that he is an aquarian.
I also do want to say a huge thanks to everyone who has been so nice to advice me and reply back. It means alot.
I would really appericiate of someone could give me some insight on how to deal with him and the situation knowing that he is an aquarian.
I also do want to say a huge thanks to everyone who has been so nice to advice me and reply back. It means alot.
Posted by Phangus
You're asking for advice on how to stay in an abusive relationship where you will continue to be abused because the abuser has flat told you that you are the problem.
Your children will be impacted by that, by the way. They won't respect women, for one thing, because they've watched their mom not have a spine.
Maybe i am so upset with what ever has happened in the past month or so that i dont feel its important to mention that when things are good between us, they are really good. He is loving, caring and provides for me and my son. But..all that being said, when he gets angry there is no stopping his mouth and words. Once he decides that he wants to fight he does it with all his ego and all his might. Otherwise, he is super caring towards our son and his family as well. He has been stressed out for the past month or so and i will say that venting out on me isnt the best way to deal with but he has been doing that. Because of this and the other lady comming into picture (i have not caught him red handed, just noticed he started getting friendly with her all of a sudden and it bothered me) i lost my temper and so did he. To say that he is ALWAYS abusive is not the right statement. But yes, in an argument or when its about him being at fault, he gets very hot headed and abusive, distant etc.
About my son not respecting women, i agree to that at some level, but i also feel like i can teach him how to respect and care for the women in his life. Maybe he will get an example of how NOT to treat women by seeing his father....atleast thats what i hope for.
Posted by thatlibralifePosted by rayofhope
Dear all, i was hoping to get some advice in terms of his sign and how to deal with the situation keeping his star sign in mind. I dont want to leave him for the sake of my son. I know its easier to walk out and be independent and look after my son. Being an educated women its easy for me to earn a living. But i am not wanting my son to come from a broken home. In my personal experience ( from my family members) the child is the one who suffers no matter how good you treat them. Hence, divorce would be my absoulte last option. If i am scared for my life, or my sons, i would leave. But so far its just alot of mental abuse. Nothing physical.
I would really appericiate of someone could give me some insight on how to deal with him and the situation knowing that he is an aquarian.
I also do want to say a huge thanks to everyone who has been so nice to advice me and reply back. It means alot.
Dear one,
Mental abuse is just as bad as physical. It eats away at your self esteem and emotions. This can and will take a toll on your health eventually. Its effects damaging your body without you even realizing. You can do better than this. I tell you there is nothing more freeing than the ability to just be yourself without someone constantly insinuating you aren't enough. Your son will respect you fighting for yourself. Being in an unhealthy marriage is just as damaging as the after effects of a nasty divorce. I think deep down you know what would be best. Just don't wait too long. All the best....click to expand
Thank you so much for the well wishes and advice. I do know that it would be better if i left. But there is just so much attached to it. Where i come from, it is highly disliked in my culture and religion to get a divorce. Ofcourse it is not like it doesnt happen..but its really difficult and there is alot of suffering attached to it. I dont know if i want to go through all that with my baby boy. Deep down, yes i know i should leave. Its not good for my health and im already in pain mentally, but i fear it will just get worse if i left. Somewhere i hope that things will settle down and he will come around. Im currently not with living with him (im at my parents for a couple of days) hoping it will give him time to think and miss us. Thats the best i can do as of now
Posted by PhangusPosted by rayofhopePosted by Phangus
You're asking for advice on how to stay in an abusive relationship where you will continue to be abused because the abuser has flat told you that you are the problem.
Your children will be impacted by that, by the way. They won't respect women, for one thing, because they've watched their mom not have a spine.
Maybe i am so upset with what ever has happened in the past month or so that i dont feel its important to mention that when things are good between us, they are really good. He is loving, caring and provides for me and my son. But..all that being said, when he gets angry there is no stopping his mouth and words. Once he decides that he wants to fight he does it with all his ego and all his might. Otherwise, he is super caring towards our son and his family as well. He has been stressed out for the past month or so and i will say that venting out on me isnt the best way to deal with but he has been doing that. Because of this and the other lady comming into picture (i have not caught him red handed, just noticed he started getting friendly with her all of a sudden and it bothered me) i lost my temper and so did he. To say that he is ALWAYS abusive is not the right statement. But yes, in an argument or when its about him being at fault, he gets very hot headed and abusive, distant etc.
About my son not respecting women, i agree to that at some level, but i also feel like i can teach him how to respect and care for the women in his life. Maybe he will get an example of how NOT to treat women by seeing his father....atleast thats what i hope for.
I think what you're experiencing is more typical of an abuser than you might realize.
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/e4/Cycle_of_Abuse.png/1280px-Cycle_of_Abuse.png<div class="bqfade">click to expand
The image you posted....is exactly what is going on. I dont know if i should laugh or cry to be honest lol
Posted by Aquaman2Posted by rayofhope
Hey all. Um.. so ..i remebered a few days ago that i posted up in here asking for advise to understand my then fiance now husband( let the eyerolls begin) better. A little update would be i have a 3 yr old son with him and ...the one thing that is distroying my marrige now is that he had an affair with his close family member til my son was 6 months old..and..ofc i cant get over that till now. So..im in such a rut that i wana leave him but i cant bare my son having to deal with the drama of it all. Question for other aqua men out there....does a love affair die out? Or one sight of her and all those feelings are back? Also..can they be faithfull again? Ive become a jealous, suspicious wife now with a bad temper and anixity...he has clearly told me to my face and our parents that he doesnt want me coz of me being suspicious and all that. They tell me its just his anger talking and that i need to give him time to cool down. I dont know if he means it or not. Pls help me understand and deal with this issue...
No it won't die out, one sight of her can surely melt him again. But yes they can be faithful to you. They will never reveal that, sight of her has made their heart and mind move again. They will control themselves and store everything inside them. Yes you can probably trust him bc he will never do anything that will harm you or your feelings.click to expand
That is exactly what happened..i noticed something was off ...he was more interested in her than usual but he never seemed like that for a long time. So..he was impacted by her but didnt show me. Thats why i thought he was over her. And then it started comming up? Or was i just paranoid?
Posted by PhangusPosted by rayofhopePosted by PhangusPosted by rayofhopePosted by Phangus
You're asking for advice on how to stay in an abusive relationship where you will continue to be abused because the abuser has flat told you that you are the problem.
Your children will be impacted by that, by the way. They won't respect women, for one thing, because they've watched their mom not have a spine.
Maybe i am so upset with what ever has happened in the past month or so that i dont feel its important to mention that when things are good between us, they are really good. He is loving, caring and provides for me and my son. But..all that being said, when he gets angry there is no stopping his mouth and words. Once he decides that he wants to fight he does it with all his ego and all his might. Otherwise, he is super caring towards our son and his family as well. He has been stressed out for the past month or so and i will say that venting out on me isnt the best way to deal with but he has been doing that. Because of this and the other lady comming into picture (i have not caught him red handed, just noticed he started getting friendly with her all of a sudden and it bothered me) i lost my temper and so did he. To say that he is ALWAYS abusive is not the right statement. But yes, in an argument or when its about him being at fault, he gets very hot headed and abusive, distant etc.
About my son not respecting women, i agree to that at some level, but i also feel like i can teach him how to respect and care for the women in his life. Maybe he will get an example of how NOT to treat women by seeing his father....atleast thats what i hope for.
I think what you're experiencing is more typical of an abuser than you might realize.
The image you posted....is exactly what is going on. I dont know if i should laugh or cry to be honest lol
I'm really sad that's the case. It's easy for Americans to advise you to leave. I don't know what it's like in your country. Are there people you could talk to and get help? Maybe women's groups or someone in your family?click to expand
Thank you for understanding 🙂. Usually in our culture, the parents or elders of both the families step in and try to resolve the problem. If that doesnt help and the couple still dont want to stay togther then it moves on to the religious heads. They will usually advice seperation for a few months. And if still they do not want to be together then it moves on to govermental courts and proceedures which can take years for the final verdict. And during this period, from the start till the end, there are hunderds of mouths talking absolute crap about the couple and families. And not to mention, its a highly "man domintating" society. The women is always at fault and the one to blame. The man walks away with just a few bumps on the way.In my case the elders have talked and hence im at my parents home now. Although my family understands my side of the story and so support me, they would still insist that we work things out. I will go back in a few days. To be honest, i am just really not strong enough to deal with everything that will follow if i decide to leave. Its too much stress for my son as well let alone me. I just wanted to know how can i break his walls so that he understands whats at stake. If not for me, then for our child.
Posted by Aquaman2Posted by rayofhopePosted by Aquaman2Posted by rayofhope
Hey all. Um.. so ..i remebered a few days ago that i posted up in here asking for advise to understand my then fiance now husband( let the eyerolls begin) better. A little update would be i have a 3 yr old son with him and ...the one thing that is distroying my marrige now is that he had an affair with his close family member til my son was 6 months old..and..ofc i cant get over that till now. So..im in such a rut that i wana leave him but i cant bare my son having to deal with the drama of it all. Question for other aqua men out there....does a love affair die out? Or one sight of her and all those feelings are back? Also..can they be faithfull again? Ive become a jealous, suspicious wife now with a bad temper and anixity...he has clearly told me to my face and our parents that he doesnt want me coz of me being suspicious and all that. They tell me its just his anger talking and that i need to give him time to cool down. I dont know if he means it or not. Pls help me understand and deal with this issue...
No it won't die out, one sight of her can surely melt him again. But yes they can be faithful to you. They will never reveal that, sight of her has made their heart and mind move again. They will control themselves and store everything inside them. Yes you can probably trust him bc he will never do anything that will harm you or your feelings.
That is exactly what happened..i noticed something was off ...he was more interested in her than usual but he never seemed like that for a long time. So..he was impacted by her but didnt show me. Thats why i thought he was over her. And then it started comming up? Or was i just paranoid?
It would be better if you share other placements too.
It didn't suddenly started coming up, it was always there.
But this is all for me, he is much older and very much matured, he probably should not be having feelings for her. So calm down!!click to expand
What details would you require? Im willing to answer. About trying to stay calm, i usually am calm about this situation. Like it said it had been years before i saw anything suspicious and then it all started comming up one after the other. Small things that made it look like they were either in contact or that he still had some feelings for her. And thats when i couldnt be calm anymore.
Posted by Arielle83
What does your mother say when you tell her?
Or is it just “oh that’s how men are?”
I’m not the best with this, because I packed my shit and disappeared in my situation. I was sick of the putdowns and ridiculous blame.
Well she does say that thats how HE is..not all men in perticular. But yes im expected to me the more understanding one in this case. He isnt expected to be the one to resolve or bend down.
This might not be a popular opinion. I mean my own thought is leave and do what makes you happy but I suppose that's the easiest thing to say especially for westernised cultures. I thought I'd share this instead. Oh and also I don't think it's an aqua thing, people will generally take what they get, in regards to the affair and seems to be your husband is one of those takers.
My grandmother and my aunt have been in your situations, my grandma more so I feel, had to put up with a lot of things my grandpa got up to and that included sleeping with other women. For comparison sake it was the pacific war generation and my grandpa was one of the generals and certain exudes the man and dominance ideal, in fact, though she never told me I'm certain my grandma was more given to him at least this is what I gathered when she had to console my aunt when she went through the same thing.
Anyway, though I never heard about their honeymoon or lovestory I often hear about how much joy her kids brought her. She's one of the strongest person I know and I adore her, I think it was her perseverance and her love for family that pulled her through. She also had a lot of friends and extended family and she said it really help her through it but one thing she said to me was that she was never not happy just that for her there were no other choice. That conversation was the first time I've seen her cry and even the years before my grandpa passed she still looked after him.
Now my aunt spoke out verbally and gave my uncle an ultimatum and while that worked it still feels like they are just clutching at straws since the problem is that it already happened. They're staying together because of familiarity and nothing else. So I don't know how old you are but I will tell you your son's probably going to be affected one way or another and my personal view is to get out and raise him happy. I just can't dismiss the other option is that you can suck it up and never tell a soul until they've all grown up but that would be entirely up to you.
My grandmother and my aunt have been in your situations, my grandma more so I feel, had to put up with a lot of things my grandpa got up to and that included sleeping with other women. For comparison sake it was the pacific war generation and my grandpa was one of the generals and certain exudes the man and dominance ideal, in fact, though she never told me I'm certain my grandma was more given to him at least this is what I gathered when she had to console my aunt when she went through the same thing.
Anyway, though I never heard about their honeymoon or lovestory I often hear about how much joy her kids brought her. She's one of the strongest person I know and I adore her, I think it was her perseverance and her love for family that pulled her through. She also had a lot of friends and extended family and she said it really help her through it but one thing she said to me was that she was never not happy just that for her there were no other choice. That conversation was the first time I've seen her cry and even the years before my grandpa passed she still looked after him.
Now my aunt spoke out verbally and gave my uncle an ultimatum and while that worked it still feels like they are just clutching at straws since the problem is that it already happened. They're staying together because of familiarity and nothing else. So I don't know how old you are but I will tell you your son's probably going to be affected one way or another and my personal view is to get out and raise him happy. I just can't dismiss the other option is that you can suck it up and never tell a soul until they've all grown up but that would be entirely up to you.
Posted by Aquaman2Posted by pisceswoman123
You were trying to hard back then and wanting to change him. Something that never works with an Aquarius. They change for love and not if you try to push them.
I am sorry you are going through this but you don’t seem compatible. It takes two to tango and you have been pulling him along all by yourself.
Think of what is best for you and you child and don’t waste any more of your precious life because of him.
I think everyone changes for the love, I would also say, aquas don't change if they have set something on their mind.click to expand
True.
But my point is that Aquarius specially don’t change for anything but love.
The more you feel someone is trying to change you the more stubborn you get and the more settled in your ways.
Posted by Aquaman2Posted by rayofhopePosted by Aquaman2Posted by rayofhopePosted by Aquaman2Posted by rayofhope
Hey all. Um.. so ..i remebered a few days ago that i posted up in here asking for advise to understand my then fiance now husband( let the eyerolls begin) better. A little update would be i have a 3 yr old son with him and ...the one thing that is distroying my marrige now is that he had an affair with his close family member til my son was 6 months old..and..ofc i cant get over that till now. So..im in such a rut that i wana leave him but i cant bare my son having to deal with the drama of it all. Question for other aqua men out there....does a love affair die out? Or one sight of her and all those feelings are back? Also..can they be faithfull again? Ive become a jealous, suspicious wife now with a bad temper and anixity...he has clearly told me to my face and our parents that he doesnt want me coz of me being suspicious and all that. They tell me its just his anger talking and that i need to give him time to cool down. I dont know if he means it or not. Pls help me understand and deal with this issue...
No it won't die out, one sight of her can surely melt him again. But yes they can be faithful to you. They will never reveal that, sight of her has made their heart and mind move again. They will control themselves and store everything inside them. Yes you can probably trust him bc he will never do anything that will harm you or your feelings.
That is exactly what happened..i noticed something was off ...he was more interested in her than usual but he never seemed like that for a long time. So..he was impacted by her but didnt show me. Thats why i thought he was over her. And then it started comming up? Or was i just paranoid?
It would be better if you share other placements too.
It didn't suddenly started coming up, it was always there.
But this is all for me, he is much older and very much matured, he probably should not be having feelings for her. So calm down!!
What details would you require? Im willing to answer. About trying to stay calm, i usually am calm about this situation. Like it said it had been years before i saw anything suspicious and then it all started comming up one after the other. Small things that made it look like they were either in contact or that he still had some feelings for her. And thats when i couldnt be calm anymore.
Other placements as in his and your signs of mercury venus etc....click to expand
Im not sure how i can find that out. But i can give you our date of births and my time. So im 30 nov 1987 around 3:45 in the morning and he is 3rd feb 1987 not sure what time.
Posted by pisceswoman123Posted by Aquaman2Posted by pisceswoman123
You were trying to hard back then and wanting to change him. Something that never works with an Aquarius. They change for love and not if you try to push them.
I am sorry you are going through this but you don’t seem compatible. It takes two to tango and you have been pulling him along all by yourself.
Think of what is best for you and you child and don’t waste any more of your precious life because of him.
I think everyone changes for the love, I would also say, aquas don't change if they have set something on their mind.
True.
But my point is that Aquarius specially don’t change for anything but love.
The more you feel someone is trying to change you the more stubborn you get and the more settled in your ways.click to expand
So i should just let it be and not push him to resolve things?
Posted by aquasnoz
This might not be a popular opinion. I mean my own thought is leave and do what makes you happy but I suppose that's the easiest thing to say especially for westernised cultures. I thought I'd share this instead. Oh and also I don't think it's an aqua thing, people will generally take what they get, in regards to the affair and seems to be your husband is one of those takers.
My grandmother and my aunt have been in your situations, my grandma more so I feel, had to put up with a lot of things my grandpa got up to and that included sleeping with other women. For comparison sake it was the pacific war generation and my grandpa was one of the generals and certain exudes the man and dominance ideal, in fact, though she never told me I'm certain my grandma was more given to him at least this is what I gathered when she had to console my aunt when she went through the same thing.
Anyway, though I never heard about their honeymoon or lovestory I often hear about how much joy her kids brought her. She's one of the strongest person I know and I adore her, I think it was her perseverance and her love for family that pulled her through. She also had a lot of friends and extended family and she said it really help her through it but one thing she said to me was that she was never not happy just that for her there were no other choice. That conversation was the first time I've seen her cry and even the years before my grandpa passed she still looked after him.
Now my aunt spoke out verbally and gave my uncle an ultimatum and while that worked it still feels like they are just clutching at straws since the problem is that it already happened. They're staying together because of familiarity and nothing else. So I don't know how old you are but I will tell you your son's probably going to be affected one way or another and my personal view is to get out and raise him happy. I just can't dismiss the other option is that you can suck it up and never tell a soul until they've all grown up but that would be entirely up to you.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and stories. I feel like my life with him would most probably be like your aunts. Sucking it up and mot being verbal works for me for sometime till im done keeping it all in and then i blow up and it goes down hill. Your message did give me other options and maybe i need to pick one of the two things. Either i try and bury all my feelings for sake of my family and my son or i leave the thought of us being happy togther and just continue this marrige for the sake of it. With no strings attached for him or for me.
Posted by Aquaman2Posted by pisceswoman123Posted by Aquaman2Posted by pisceswoman123
You were trying to hard back then and wanting to change him. Something that never works with an Aquarius. They change for love and not if you try to push them.
I am sorry you are going through this but you don’t seem compatible. It takes two to tango and you have been pulling him along all by yourself.
Think of what is best for you and you child and don’t waste any more of your precious life because of him.
I think everyone changes for the love, I would also say, aquas don't change if they have set something on their mind.
True.
But my point is that Aquarius specially don’t change for anything but love.
The more you feel someone is trying to change you the more stubborn you get and the more settled in your ways.
Lol.... don't expose us😝click to expand
Oops! 🤭😂
Posted by rayofhopePosted by pisceswoman123Posted by Aquaman2Posted by pisceswoman123
You were trying to hard back then and wanting to change him. Something that never works with an Aquarius. They change for love and not if you try to push them.
I am sorry you are going through this but you don’t seem compatible. It takes two to tango and you have been pulling him along all by yourself.
Think of what is best for you and you child and don’t waste any more of your precious life because of him.
I think everyone changes for the love, I would also say, aquas don't change if they have set something on their mind.
True.
But my point is that Aquarius specially don’t change for anything but love.
The more you feel someone is trying to change you the more stubborn you get and the more settled in your ways.
So i should just let it be and not push him to resolve things?click to expand
You can tell him what you want and don’t want. What hurts you and what makes you happy about the things he does and then let it be.
You can not make him change.
If he loves you and he doesn’t feel like you are trying to control him he will change by himself because he won’t want to hurt you.
Posted by pisceswoman123Posted by rayofhopePosted by pisceswoman123Posted by Aquaman2Posted by pisceswoman123
You were trying to hard back then and wanting to change him. Something that never works with an Aquarius. They change for love and not if you try to push them.
I am sorry you are going through this but you don’t seem compatible. It takes two to tango and you have been pulling him along all by yourself.
Think of what is best for you and you child and don’t waste any more of your precious life because of him.
I think everyone changes for the love, I would also say, aquas don't change if they have set something on their mind.
True.
But my point is that Aquarius specially don’t change for anything but love.
The more you feel someone is trying to change you the more stubborn you get and the more settled in your ways.
So i should just let it be and not push him to resolve things?
You can tell him what you want and don’t want. What hurts you and what makes you happy about the things he does and then let it be.
You can not make him change.
If he loves you and he doesn’t feel like you are trying to control him he will change by himself because he won’t want to hurt you.click to expand
That is probably the best piece of advice ive heard since all this happened. The only problem is, he is not so much of a "lets talk it out" kinda guy. He likes things on his own terms. So if he doesnt wana talk its like talking to a wall. Nothing goes in and nothing comes out. Should i wait till he wants to talk to me and then say as u advice? Or should i make the 1st move? I did try to talk to him like 3 days ago and it was just a mess and he just kept hurting me with hus words coz he wasnt intereted. So...wait or try again?
Posted by PhangusPosted by rayofhopePosted by PhangusPosted by rayofhopePosted by PhangusPosted by rayofhopePosted by Phangus
You're asking for advice on how to stay in an abusive relationship where you will continue to be abused because the abuser has flat told you that you are the problem.
Your children will be impacted by that, by the way. They won't respect women, for one thing, because they've watched their mom not have a spine.
Maybe i am so upset with what ever has happened in the past month or so that i dont feel its important to mention that when things are good between us, they are really good. He is loving, caring and provides for me and my son. But..all that being said, when he gets angry there is no stopping his mouth and words. Once he decides that he wants to fight he does it with all his ego and all his might. Otherwise, he is super caring towards our son and his family as well. He has been stressed out for the past month or so and i will say that venting out on me isnt the best way to deal with but he has been doing that. Because of this and the other lady comming into picture (i have not caught him red handed, just noticed he started getting friendly with her all of a sudden and it bothered me) i lost my temper and so did he. To say that he is ALWAYS abusive is not the right statement. But yes, in an argument or when its about him being at fault, he gets very hot headed and abusive, distant etc.
About my son not respecting women, i agree to that at some level, but i also feel like i can teach him how to respect and care for the women in his life. Maybe he will get an example of how NOT to treat women by seeing his father....atleast thats what i hope for.
I think what you're experiencing is more typical of an abuser than you might realize.
The image you posted....is exactly what is going on. I dont know if i should laugh or cry to be honest lol
I'm really sad that's the case. It's easy for Americans to advise you to leave. I don't know what it's like in your country. Are there people you could talk to and get help? Maybe women's groups or someone in your family?
Thank you for understanding 🙂. Usually in our culture, the parents or elders of both the families step in and try to resolve the problem. If that doesnt help and the couple still dont want to stay togther then it moves on to the religious heads. They will usually advice seperation for a few months. And if still they do not want to be together then it moves on to govermental courts and proceedures which can take years for the final verdict. And during this period, from the start till the end, there are hunderds of mouths talking absolute crap about the couple and families. And not to mention, its a highly "man domintating" society. The women is always at fault and the one to blame. The man walks away with just a few bumps on the way.In my case the elders have talked and hence im at my parents home now. Although my family understands my side of the story and so support me, they would still insist that we work things out. I will go back in a few days. To be honest, i am just really not strong enough to deal with everything that will follow if i decide to leave. Its too much stress for my son as well let alone me. I just wanted to know how can i break his walls so that he understands whats at stake. If not for me, then for our child.
I wish I could speak with more authority on what might be best. I can really only see from my own experience, and I would have probably left long ago.
But you have to do what will be best in the long run for you and your son. What about this affair with a family member thing? Do your families know about that? How is he not taking extreme heat for that?click to expand
So ..this lady is extremely close in relation to him. 1st cousins. And they've been togther since childhood. There was an inside joke in the family that they'd marry each other. But..she fell inlove with another guy and married him and during her marrige is when i met my husband and we have been togther since. So 13+ years. Now she is super close to his family like i said. Almost best friends with all his siblings and his mom as well. He isnt getting extreme heat for thier affair as it might mess up the whole family relation. I know that it seems unfair but the maximum i can do is talk to her and tell her to back off since she is married and has 5 kids. This is what i had done 3 yrs ago when i found out about the affair. And things seems to be okay since then but a family event recently changed things. They werent as friendly as i saw them during this time. Which lead me to think that something is going on. I dont know if it helps but the relation he had with her wasnt just causal flirting. They were very much physical. So...him not getting any heat is also coz of his temper and him being the bread earner in the family. Hope this helps.
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Sorry for such a long story but i feel like i have no where eles to go. I hope i can get some answers here. Thnks in advnce