Old Aqua Troubling Me

So after debating this for a couple weeks I finally gave in and am posting. I'm a Scorpio and I was very close with an Aqua for several years. We never labeled what we were, but there was a lot of holding hands, making out, etc. He always gave me presents and he said "I love you" first. He moved away, but still visited often, sometimes for work and sometimes to see me. Three years ago, he told me he was coming to town and wanted to see me. Before he came, I sent him a long email requesting to put a label on what we were. Surprise surprise I never heard from him again. A few months later, I wrote him again saying we should still be friends. He didn't write back again. I took it really hard because we had known each other for 15 years and been "tight" for 3 years. I did eventually move on--I've dated and had one serious relationship since. I really thought I was over him.

Two weeks ago, I got a call from his best friend who still lives in the same city. He wanted to meet up for coffee so we did. I hadn't seen or spoken to him in almost 12 years so I immediately thought it had something to do with the "ex". He name dropped the "ex" a few times but didn't say anything specific about what happened between us. He did say the ex was seeing someone which he mentioned out of nowhere. It was all just weird.

Now I can't stop thinking about him, wondering if he's thinking about me. Any thoughts?

Well you met up with HIS best friend, so it shouldn't be surprising to you that he brought up your ex. After all, your ex is still in HIS life

I'm sure he's still thought about you over the years BUT I doubt that he thought about you ENOUGH to the extent that he wanted to try things again with you

I say that b/c if he wanted to, he would've. Your ex could've found a way to contact you just like his own best friend did

At this point, you've both changed. Alot can happen/change in 3 years

If he's ready for committment with someone else now, there's a chance that he sometimes looks back, thinks about you & wonders "what if" or thinks about what he would've done differently

Unfortunately, sometimes it's best to move on & go on to date someone new instead of trying to go back to an old flame,
"try" reuniting it, explaining yourself, apologizing 1,000 times, etc.

It's so much LESS draining when you're compatible & a good match with someone b/c of the person you are NOW vs. having to backtrack & just "hope" that you're still compatible with someone you don't even know anymore

You're experiencing "Unfinished business" syndrome lol!

For all you know, you could see/hang out with your ex all over again like old times & yet not even like (or atleast as much) the person he is now!

But since you never got your closure, it makes sense that you never closed that chapter or that hole in your heart for him.

You may never get that closure, so prepare for that.

Don't base whether or not you move on from him/anyone on whether or not they give you the closure you need and deserve.

If you constantly see yours & his situation as a huge "what if" you'll never move on!

So just accept that things didn't work out like planned & move on. That way, you won't spend any more emotional energy on a guy who is spending all his energy on someone else.

He's living & loving now, & so should you!

Thank you, krysrenee. I just have no idea why his friend contacted me after 12 years. I thought it had something to do with him. I had moved on, but being contacted out of the blue just put back where I was 3 years ago. I know I should let it go until I see something different.

Posted by pallasathina
Thank you, krysrenee. I just have no idea why his friend contacted me after 12 years. I thought it had something to do with him. I had moved on, but being contacted out of the blue just put back where I was 3 years ago. I know I should let it go until I see something different.

*shrugs* Who knows. Maybe your name did come up in a convo b/w him & his friend & maybe your ex didn't feel comfortable to contact you out of respect for his new girlfriend, leaving his best friend to either see what you were up to b/c he truly wanted to know OR having his best friend approach you so that he could go back & relay how you are doing to him

I'm sure your ex knows by now that his best friend contacted you. The fact that your ex hasn't contacted you means that he probably won't. The reason(s) why he won't are reasons you may never know

Yeah hun, just let it go. Accept that sometimes getting closure means no closure at all. Hope your ex is doing well, wish him all the best & keep it moving =)

"Before he came, I sent him a long email requesting to put a label on what we were"

Kiss of death

Is the mutual friend single?

Forget Aqua man....Unless he come to you directly I wouldn't give it too much concern.

Posted by tiki33
"Before he came, I sent him a long email requesting to put a label on what we were"

Kiss of death

Is the mutual friend single?

Forget Aqua man....Unless he come to you directly I wouldn't give it too much concern.

I know everyone says that asking for definition is the kiss of death, but after 3 years I asked for what I felt I deserved and I don't regret it. No, the mutual friend is married. There is nothing there at all.

As long as you don't regret it that's all that really matters and you got your answer, after 15 years you'd think he'd give you a proper goodbye but men aren't women and some men react to being pressured and chased by running away. Having no closure actually can be a good thing especially if you want another opportunity to date him again but until then I hope you are actively dating and developing relationships with other men/a man.

Oh, I forgot to mention that the friend said we should all get together the next time the ex was in town. I guess it's possible he doesn't know what went down and said it innocently, but I also thought the ex might be trying to reopen lines of communication.

Palla don't read too much into any of it, I can sense your eager desire to rekindle and reconnect. Let him do the leg work of getting back into your life, don't just let him effortlessly slide back in or he'll feel he can slide right back out effortlessly as well which can only end in more hurt and disappointment for you.

If it were me I would decline any invites from the best friend and keep it moving, that will peek Aqua's interest and eventually if he's serious about reconnecting he'll come looking for you all on his own without all the 3rd party drama.

Don't be so easily available and accessible to be rejected all over again, Aqua may or may not have anything to do with any of it and could just be the case of a nosy friend of his but whatever is going on don't make it easy for any man to get back into your life when he was the one running away from you rejecting you in the first place, plus you deserve a proper reunion, not some half ass offer to reunite through a mutual acquaintence because he's too cowardly to do it himself.

You're exactly right. That's what I needed to hear.