Still having problems with Aquarius....
This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by Gemini1984 on Thursday, January 27, 2011 and has 5 replies.
What I can gather is that you aren??t friends with benefits or anything like that; it just appears from your post that the two of you are casually dating.
So, you??ve basically felt uncomfortable since that fifth date? Well, that??s a shame because you??ve clearly made some effort to change certain things. I could understand that, I mean he criticized you during a date, which is something I don??t think I??d ever personally do myself.
He may like you but the fact that he criticized you like he did is quite telling. But as you??ve said, you have worked on that and have tried to change that. So, whatever the problem is I don??t know. But you are who you are...
If you like taking things slow then that??s your choice, and whoever you are with must respect that. I assume that he also likes to take things fairly slow too? It appears that way in your post, though I may be wrong. Either way, if he doesn??t know this then it would be wise to tell him.
So, you??ve basically felt uncomfortable since that fifth date? Well, that??s a shame because you??ve clearly made some effort to change certain things. I could understand that, I mean he criticized you during a date, which is something I don??t think I??d ever personally do myself.
He may like you but the fact that he criticized you like he did is quite telling. But as you??ve said, you have worked on that and have tried to change that. So, whatever the problem is I don??t know. But you are who you are...
If you like taking things slow then that??s your choice, and whoever you are with must respect that. I assume that he also likes to take things fairly slow too? It appears that way in your post, though I may be wrong. Either way, if he doesn??t know this then it would be wise to tell him.
That sounds like a scene out of the movie Old School...
Perhaps he should've chosen a better time to "criticize" you BUT then again, I don't think there's ever anything wrong with verbally letting someone know how you feel and/or what you want/expect from them. If your delivery is on point & if you mean well, you can't really control how another person will "take it."
I don't think he was putting you down or asking of anything out of the ordinary. Lots of people secretely wish the person they were dating would do more of this or that. Some just don't verbalize their concerns or expectations. Either way, communication is very important, even when it's time to have those uncomfortable talks.
If I were you, I wouldn't change who you are just to make him comfortable, but if what he's asking of you isn't impossible, then I don't see the problem with making a few adjustments. There are certain things that you expect for him to do or not do in order for you to get the clarity that he's into you so understand that he may want to see/experience certain things from you too so that he too can be convinced that you're into him. Everybody's expectations are different, but actually having expectations isn't wrong.
I'm sure there's probably more to the story, but I'm only going off of what you've shared so far. And from what you've said, there's nothing truly alarming that really sticks out. Am I missing something?
I don't think he was putting you down or asking of anything out of the ordinary. Lots of people secretely wish the person they were dating would do more of this or that. Some just don't verbalize their concerns or expectations. Either way, communication is very important, even when it's time to have those uncomfortable talks.
If I were you, I wouldn't change who you are just to make him comfortable, but if what he's asking of you isn't impossible, then I don't see the problem with making a few adjustments. There are certain things that you expect for him to do or not do in order for you to get the clarity that he's into you so understand that he may want to see/experience certain things from you too so that he too can be convinced that you're into him. Everybody's expectations are different, but actually having expectations isn't wrong.
I'm sure there's probably more to the story, but I'm only going off of what you've shared so far. And from what you've said, there's nothing truly alarming that really sticks out. Am I missing something?
Wanting sex & wanting affection are 2 completely DIFFERENT things. Hell, the average person expects some level of affection from the other person at some point in time. For some, they may expect it early on, even before feelings have developed & for others, they associate & tie in affection with having feelings for someone.
Now if this guy was pressuring you to have sex with him before you're ready then that'd be 1 thing but you said that you 2 haven't had sex so I'm naturally assuming that being pressured into sex is NOT something he's criticizing you for or asking you for.
If affection is just not your "thing" (yet) then tell him that. Let him know that it's not personal. But understand why he might take it personal. I know all women aren't the same, but think about it...lots of women are into giving affection (to an extent) very early on. It's not uncommon to see even those out on a 1st date, giving affection to eachother, whether it ranges from a slight hug or kiss all the way to cuddling.
But I don't think someone wanting affection from you is a bad thing. BUT, hey if you're not comfortable with that just yet then tell him. Tell him that you associate affection with your emotions; that way he won't take it personal.
I think this guy is just genuinely & honestly telling you what he expects; I think he means well. Who knows, he might be used to dating women who have absolutely no problem giving him lots of affection. And even though you're not those other women, you can atleast understand that people tend to naturally continue wanting what they're used to with others, especially if what they want is seen as a good thing.
All you can really do is just hope that he won't take it personal & try to understand you. If he doesn't, well move on. But you'd be surprised. If you word things the right way & if you find effective ways to get your point across, he might actually completely understand & say no more about the subject. If he's REALLY as into you as he says, he'd be able to sacrifice/compromise in the same way he's asking you to
Now if this guy was pressuring you to have sex with him before you're ready then that'd be 1 thing but you said that you 2 haven't had sex so I'm naturally assuming that being pressured into sex is NOT something he's criticizing you for or asking you for.
If affection is just not your "thing" (yet) then tell him that. Let him know that it's not personal. But understand why he might take it personal. I know all women aren't the same, but think about it...lots of women are into giving affection (to an extent) very early on. It's not uncommon to see even those out on a 1st date, giving affection to eachother, whether it ranges from a slight hug or kiss all the way to cuddling.
But I don't think someone wanting affection from you is a bad thing. BUT, hey if you're not comfortable with that just yet then tell him. Tell him that you associate affection with your emotions; that way he won't take it personal.
I think this guy is just genuinely & honestly telling you what he expects; I think he means well. Who knows, he might be used to dating women who have absolutely no problem giving him lots of affection. And even though you're not those other women, you can atleast understand that people tend to naturally continue wanting what they're used to with others, especially if what they want is seen as a good thing.
All you can really do is just hope that he won't take it personal & try to understand you. If he doesn't, well move on. But you'd be surprised. If you word things the right way & if you find effective ways to get your point across, he might actually completely understand & say no more about the subject. If he's REALLY as into you as he says, he'd be able to sacrifice/compromise in the same way he's asking you to
I'm curious as to why you keep asking the same questions but always in a different post. Exactly what answers are you looking for? You've mentioned before that he has asked you why you're not into doing anything sexual, and also that he text you something graphic about sex. I have a feeling that you don't trust him....which is why you need some form of reassurance from these forums that it's ok to trust him. Follow your intuition...if you have a feeling he's only in it for one thing, he could very possibly be. Let him reassure you from his own actions...and if in time you still feel uncomfortable or question him, then don't put yourself out there. I think that in itself will be a big indication about this guy for you. A man who's only after sex won't put in too much time or work...and if they do, it won't last for too long once they see you're not putting out. However, a man who's truly into you will wait as long as it takes.
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