This Aquarius guy is confusing

Hi I'm new here and was hoping you Aquarius folks can help me (Taurus on cusp of Aries) out.

I am not sure what to make of my Aquarius situation. I did not know much about them until AFTER I was left high and dry. Here I thought I was with the most strange and heartless person and now I know that loving you and one day and leaving you at the curb the next is completely typical behavior.

I am still at odds with this person. Long story short (yeah right), I met him and became good friends with him after moving next door and becoming his neighbor. Over a couple of months, it became apparent the attraction we had-we flirted all the time. Well, we ended up having a physical relationship-he initiated I might add. Right from the beginning, he told me that we were "just having fun." I understand that you never take what Aquarians say literally-watch their actions. That's comforting in that I am not crazy (looking back). Here, he was telling me that we just had a phyical relationship all the while, he gave me deep stares, emailed/IMed me all day every day, followed me around at parties, asked me to just stay over etc. All his actions screamed that he considered me his girlfriend, but he was always the one to point out I wasn't (I'd never bring it up-he would). He talked of plans for me to visit his parents house and mentioned I'd get along with his brothers, showed me pictures of his parents etc.
Mentally, we got along great. We had so many discussions about everything and anything. We were perfect buddies with a physical relationship but no title of boy/girlfriend. After a couple of months, I sort of felt him quite suddenly start to distance himself. Stupid me didn't give him his space (I didn't know the issues of Aquarians at the time)and finally it happened one night out of the blue where he sat me down and told me "we can't do this anymore" (a week earlier, I spent the night with him). It was devestating. I just couldn't comprehend how someone who gave me all these signs and indications of being more than just friends could all of a sudden, just put the down the axe.

He still says to this day that he ended it because he saw that my feelings were becoming more physical and he didn't "want to hurt me." I just couldn't believe it. Many of my friends saw his behavior and confirmed that he did treat me like a girlfriend. Some even suggested that he stared to fall in love with me and was scared big time. I always thought that he may have been caught off guard in that what was just to be a fun fling turned out to be something completely different. We truly are so right for each other. It sounds right but I am not sure if this exemplifies true Aquarian behavior in relationships if they are scared.

After this happened, he knew he upset me and tried to be all nice and the "good friend." He continued to email/IM me with questions for me to help him with or to tell me good news. I always secretly wished we'd get back together (as I couldn't- I was still his neighbor) so I treated him as a very good and supportive friend. This continued for another couple of months until all of a sudden after I mentioned that I was moving, I began to suspect he started seeing someone else. He never outright told me (thought you guys like brutal honesty) but it was such a coincidence that as soon as she came in the picture (she's an old high school friend), and I moved, he stopped all communication with me. Nothing. We use to talk at least once a week and now nothing for 2 months!

I eventually wrote him a rather harsh email telling him I'm hurt by his indifference, lack of communication considering we're still friends and it shouldn't matter if I moved etc. He was "floored" by the email and gave me all these apologies but was so "clueless" to how I felt and what he was doing to me. I just couldn't believe it. He was like.....this happens when people move-you don't hang out with

Please wake up and smell the coffee!

I know its easier said than done - but you need to leave him alone.
His behaviour shows that he is only concerned about himself. Try and re-read your post as if someone else had sent it. All of the information you need to know about what to do is staring you in the face. Don't contact him and find other things to do when he's on your mind.

Alice
x

Thanks Alice-

I quite like the smell of coffee too 😉

Yes, I know. I guess I just needed that kick in the a $ $ . All of my friends say that I was too good for him and yes, how self-absorbed he is.

I just want to make one thing clear-I was not stalker stephanie here...I let two months go by waiting for him to contact me. It was only then that I contacted him with my feelings to the situation. He has contacted me once since then but I have not given him any of my time.

Good advice but I think I'll point out that he still happens to be in my group of friends AND works for the same company I do. I am not saying that I am not able to move on but it not a case of complete separation.

I posted this cause after reading some of the other countless stories on Aquarians running away and running back, I wasn't sure how to take this behavior.

Gosh, all I wanted was to get back together (althought I never told him this) and this is how it came to pass.

Although it does seem like he is a bit self centered...Why did you not tell how you felt? Seems like you wouldn't have lost anything by doing that...perhaps GAINED something.

Just like TaurusGoddess said with her Cancer man...Sometimes pride gets in the way of a person really expressing love to others because they are too scared to reveal that much of themselves. Try to avoid doing that in the future. Now I am a Cancer so I live by emotions...It is easier for me to express those and I fear rejection but I would rather know the truth than to live my life wondering.

The good thing about Aqua's (from my experience) is that you can call them ten years after WHATEVER happened and they will run right back to you! See how it goes with her & if it doesn't work out...GO FOR IT! But they do need lots of space...Are you prepared to give it to him? THe reason I ask is that most of the Taurus women I know are serial monogamists and as soon as you sleep together, you might as well be married! Not saying that is a bad thing, just might not be compatible with what he wants...Good LUCK!

CL

Cancerlady

Hi Tauruslady

Ooops - I didn't mean to sound so harsh!

As I get older I'm becoming less tolerant of inconsiderate behaviour from anyone.

I too am 'in recovery', from an Aquarian man treating me the same way - intense one minute - gone the next!

Just ask yourself honestly what it is, that he has that you really need. And ask yourself if you can handle being treated like this again in the future.
As they say the best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour

Good luck sweetie

Alice
xxxx

Thanks Alice, Cancerlady and Atlantic Myst for all your feedback...I especially enjoyed Atlantic Myst's blunt answer..:-) Many of my close friends said the same thing...

Yeah, he does seem a bit self centered. Sadly, he didn't used to be like this. He was a very humble and loving person when I was "with" him and when we were just good friends before I moved. That was one of the features that attracted me to him. That, our close friendship and his sense of humor. Man did we laugh! We both had the exact sense of humor so we could just feed off each other.

I was always there when he went through some of his issues (didn't have the greatest self esteem), giving him reassurance etc. Shortly before my move, he had many changes in his life for the better and now, I feel like I've been dropped. Only now I look back and it just seems like I was the crutch and now I'm in the corner. I just never thought anyone (ESPECIALLY HIM) would do that to me. Shouldn't you be especially mindful of the people who were always there for you and brought you out of a low point in your life?

Cancerlady-he does know my feelings for him. When he ended the physical aspect of our relationship, I simply (and not forcefully in any way) inquired why we shouldn't date. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship. I believe that was true -pointing back to the self esteem issues he was dealing with at the time. Granted I have not come out most recently and stated that I want to be with him but I did remind him in my most recent email that although I was hurt by our "relationship" ending, I still was there for him as his friend. I don't know...maybe he wouldn't have a clue based on that. I guess I always thought it was evident of my feelings for him.

He is just a strange duck. I happened to see him several times at work and felt like he completely ignored me. He claims he never saw me but I just have an odd feeling about it-especially since it happened several times. It's like he can only communicate to me behind walls (aka email/IM/his car) but anything face to face is being "exposed."

I don't know. I do apologize for rambling on and on like this. I really really loved being with him so I guess the true pain is in realizing who he is now compared to who I knew him as a year ago....

Wow Taurus Lady your story sounds so much like mine it brought tears to my eyes. One thing I can tell you is that "Ignoring them does work" ( please check my posting) I have another back a few months called "Taurus Lady Heartbroken by Aqua Man".
The back and forth thing is not only confusing but its heartbreaking. All over you one minute and won't return your calls the next. I have found that when you walk away...no contact period..they do seem to find their way back. But from what I have seen...they get back into your good graces only to ignore you again...then you ignore them...they come back only to walk away again with no explanation.
Its so painful especially when the Taurus/Aqua chemistry is so damn POWERFUL!!
I have decided I am allergic to Aqua Men and will stay away from them for rest of my life. That may sound extreme but I mean it.
If you really want him back then be ready for the game..but as taurus women you know that sooner or later our loyalty and understanding wears out. Its a painful ride to take. I would say try to stay away from as much as possible until he is out of your system. Hes not going to change and its not gonna get any better.
I don't men to bust your bubble or be mean...I just want to save you some pain.

Kocoa

OH Please read..."HE KEEPS COMING BACK" that one should really sound familiar to you.

They only come back if YOU allow for them to and this just may be their challenge—??

Bah..HUMBUG!!! They are sadistic!

Thanks KocoaHauntis- As much as I am sad to hear of your similar experiences, it somewhat comforting to know that this does exempfly the typical Aqua behavior and it is not 100% me.

Yes, I have begun processing and understanding that it is O-V-E-R. Although after my blunt email he had been IMing me a lot,and it seemed like he was making a valent effort with contact, it never seemed as genuine as it had previously. He opens conversations with how stressed he is a work etc- never asking me anything going on in my life. I have to openly tell any news I might have. Also, I received pretty confirming information on this relationship with this girl. He went and spent the weekend with her AND HER FAMILY! For someone who was so commitment-phobic, he sure is quick to jump into family vactions. And he told me this. Unreal.

In my book, I am allergic as well. I have never dealt with any Aquas previously (friends or otherwise) but now, I can only see myself befriending one. Nothing more.

Thanks -I will read your previous posts!

He doesn't ask you questions about your life because he doesn't care...he only cares about himself - this is called being self absorbed. Be very grateful that you have experienced this aspect of him and you KNOW you don't want or need it- it is NOT healthy. It may not seem like it now, but it is a gift to you my friend if this relationship ends.

Check out under the Misc. heading - Dangerous Men and how to spot them.

He probably went on that vacation because its what made HIM feel good at the time. I bet it had very litle to do with her or meeting her family. He went cuz he was getting something he needed or wanted out of it. He will prolly do her the same way when he feels HE is getting to close to her. No one is ammune to what Aquas do.
Just when you think you understand them..BOOM..nope. So don't even try.

Yeah, no understanding whatsoever of their actions.

I was just so surprised that he would already be taking a trip with her and family. He really seems head-over-heels for this girl, but then again, he was with me too at first. I think this relationship with her is the real deal in that I always got the impression that he really wanted to be in a relationship and have a girlfriend (He was once in a 5 year relationship). He hadn't been seeing anyone in a while when he had the opportunity with me. So by turning me down and going with her, just sort of confirms that she has something I didnt.

I think he likes having control in this relationship. He never felt in control with me. Many of my friends think he was intimadated by me. He couldn't be the dominant personality and have center stage. I was of equal level in drawing attention and socializing with people. I thought this was a good balance with Aquas-someone to keep up with them mentally/with their sense of humor etc. This new girl (besides looking like a 12 year old tomboy) is quite shy and meek. I guess he can shine and be "the man" with her.

Freebird, you are right. I am glad I am seeing this side of him now. I know I deserve someone who will give me their time, genuine interest and affection. It was fun and alluring being with them at first. Now that I've seen the dark side of this sign...no way. My heart...and brain can't handle the confusion. I am just pissed that he found someone and moved on before me. THAT'S also what makes me mad.

Wow KocaoHauntis! I read your "They keep coming back" posting and you said it perfectly when you mentioned that they want you then they don't but they also don't want you with someone else.

When we were still "together," he would tell me we're not dating but I caught him goign through my cell phone three times! Once he did it in front of me and I would play with him and say "oh stop going through my messages." He didn't get defensive or even have a come back. Just was quiet. WTF—

I remember one of the times I stopped communicating with my aqua he sent me email obsessed with who I was seeing or having sex with. He kept bringing up a past relationship I told him about I had with a married man. Stuff that he shouldn't even care about seemed to bother him alot. Even when we talk now he tries to pump me for info on my personal life. I ignore him. He keeps calling!
The next time yours makes contact..let on that you are seeing someone. For nothing else just to see how he reacts. It may take awhile. The last time I told my aqua to stick it...it took him a month and a half to call. But taking the advice of our fellow board members...I ignored him and put distance between us. I stopped be available to and for him sure enough..hes back smelling round my butt!!

Hmmmm, pumps you for personal information. Mine used to do that too. Always nonchalantly asking where I was, what was I doing, who was I with etc (this was even after we "broke up"). Now though, he doesn't ask me anything.

I'd love to insinuate that I am seeing someone. Trouble is, we have a lot of mutual friends and I would have to be keeping up with an act. Just cause I have the worst luck, I can see it blowing up in my face and I look even more rediculous.

I am really hoping a great guy will come around my way. God, please don't let it be another Aqua

What is the current status of your guy? Is he in the ignoring phase or is he still smelling your butt? :-)

Hes still lerking about. We talk once or twice a week. He went through a stage a few weeks ago where he was calling me everyday a few times a day. Thats when he was asking all of the questions. I refuse to answer cuz its really none of his business. I guess he feels free cuz he apologized for treating me so badly. To be honest I don't trust him anymore and I am afraid to let him get close to me again because I know he will only disappoint me and I will be back at square one.
I told him along time ago that there will come a time when he will have to decide if he really wants to be with me or not. No more no less. People have said to judge an aqua by his actions and not his words. Hell how can someone judge the actions of insanity??

Ha! So true! I have never been so confused as to the actions of a person before I met this guy. These people are insane....and heartless. Is your guy seeing someone at the moment or letting on to it? Just curious.

It's hard because I used to trust mine deeply. I just don't anymore. His actions showed he never really trusted me and now I look back and see how he dropped me like a bad habit when his life has turned around for the better.

I loved him when he was a humble, slightly overweight, goof that drove an older car and was so interested in everything I had to say and came to me with his concerns.

Now, he's in great shape, drives a beautiful new car and wants nothing to do with me. Yes, you could say he has an ego now. Agreed. But what I don't understand is now that he has some qualities to flaunt now in the dating game, why did he go and start seeing this girl who looks so pathetic. Sorry, I usually do not demean people with regards to looks but this girl looks like a 16 year old tomboy. He can do soooo much better than this. Quite honestly, she makes me look like a super model.

Is this a control issue? We all know how much they looove control.

Tauruslady2 - IF your Aqua ex. is an "emotional abuser" he will go after a woman who is vulnerable, needs attention, seems lonely and so on. Yes, this is about control for them along with POWER which indeed comes from the ego. He NEEDS this to survive...once a woman is onto him and he can no longer control her he will leave and so he should because he is incapable of having a balanced relationship. One can not possibly understand a person coming from this place but what you do understand and feel is that it is not giving you PEACE...come from that place - that desire to feel peace. Your next move is to completely forget about him...get him out of your mind and move on - open yourself up to another person who can provide what you need and not mess with you.

Take care of you!

Yes, you are completely right Freebird.

Sometimes you just need confirmation of your thoughts and suspicions.

What kills me is that everyone adores him and considers him the nicest guy. I'll admit I did too until I got romantically and emotionally involved with him. It's like no one sees this side of Aqua if they haven't crossed that line.

Best friends with everyone. But if you happen to be able to touch their heart or expose their underlying emotion at one time, they sort of brand you. That notion of Aquas having no problem going back to being just friends with you is hogwash!

TaurusLady..I don't know how you feel about jazz but download a song called "When your life was low" By Layla Hathaway and Joe Sample. Listen to the words very carefully and get back to me on how it matches your situation.
My aqua has never let on that he was seeing anyone else. I believe he was and that prompted much of his behavior. He was not man enough to come out tell me. Although in many of his emails he insists that he was doing anything "dirty'. His behavior told a much different story. I believe he just has no idea what he wants but he knows I'm too good of a catch to completely let go.
I work very closely with my aquas cousin. WHen I would tell her the horror stories she had a hard time believing her cousin was a dog. Until she read the text messages and emails for herself. She was in shock how her cousin treated me.She was so angry at him. However she told me at the last family function he told her he was thinking more of settling down and wants a real relationship. Within days he made contact with me after us not speaking for almost 2 months with his apology.
He too seems to be the nicest sweetest guy in the world. He made me believe it too until I got involved and saw a TOTALLY different side.

Such bastards!!!! Arrrhhhhhhh!

That's good that you have a blood relative of his to convey his behavior (real behavior that is) to. I am sorry that you are still enduring this game of back and forth. There is only so much your heart can take. I should be thankful that mine dropped me and I can seriously use it to move on.

Only a couple of my closest friends (that know my Aqua well too) know the real details.
They all agree this whole episode, saga, drama etc was 100% him and not me.

I tried to Google the lyrics but to no avail. I do like Jazz so I may just pick up the CD. Do you happen to have the lyrics around?

The song speaks of a woman who took a frumpy guy down on his luck and loved him back to life. As soon as got back on his feet he left her. It goes...

When your life was low
you had no place to go
People turned Their backs on you
and everyone said you were through
I took you in
I made you whole again
Put you back together
out of all the dreams you left along the way
You left me shining
Now you're doing well
from stories I hear tell
You own the world again
Everyones your friend
Although I never hear from you
Still its nice to know
You used to love me so
When your life was low...

so what do you think about that! Its a beautiful song. CDnow.com may have a clip of it.
CD is called Joe Sample featuring Layla Hathaway "The Song Lives On"

Wow! That almost made me cry! How fitting are those lyrics... Wow-thank you for sending this my way! I am going to try that website and see if I can hear a clip. I'm sure it is a beautiful song.

Check out "Compatibility Guide" under the Taurus board that Maymaid posted. I went to the URL and it's a very interesting explanation of relations between sign based how far the suns signs are away from yours. She has directions on the board on how to view this.

My Aqua is #10 from me. Here's a tidbit of what it says...

"In essence, you'll be mothering/nurturing your # 10, and he/she will be fathering/directing you. Some door-slamming can occur, but so can deep loyalty, acceptance and respect, along with strong practical accomplishment..."

Wow! I did nurture him and he did want control of me/the relationship. Oh and yes, I almost broke the glass in his front door from slamming it so hard one time. When my bull horns come out, they come out strong!! :-)

I know you can't take this stuff too seriously but it's quite interesting when you do see pretty strong connections.

I went to the site and wow...aqua is my 10 too and what struck me true was the constant battle for respect. Thats my main complain with my aqua is to just respect me. If you can't come over or have to break our plans..just call and say so. Don't just not show up!! Geeze..basic stuff!!
I didn't agree with what it said bout my number 3 Cancer..I have always had extremely passionate ...border obsessive... long lasting realtionships with cancers even though they usually don't end well.
SO how are you feeling today??

Yeah, you can't take it all literally but isn't the #10 crazy?

I hear ya about the respect thing. Thing is, my one good friend would tell me how he pulled her aside and just talked about how much he respected and admired me etc..but then why did he treat me like he did?

That's interesting that you had plans with your Aqua and he didn't show up. Did you ever make any of them? Any time I offered that we do something or go somewhere, 9 out of 10 times he'd just say no. Thinking back everything we did was under his control.

I am good today thanks. I am just praying I don't get an IM from him cluelessly telling me what a great weekend he had with his girlfriend and her family. He would be that cluelessly insensitive.

Feeling a little better about the whole situtation though. Even though the truth hurts, it does stop the anxiety and pain associated with the "what ifs."

I went through the whole "why did he treat me like that" and the "what ifs". I shead a many tear over him to just trying to figure out what I did wrong. Just to find out later that I did nothing wrong but fall in love with him.
He would agree to my plans but then stand me up or text meassage me to say he made other plans with his "boys". He used to say in the beginning that since we weren't serious that it should be that big of a deal. I used to explode on him! Every time he would promise to make it up to me. He never did.
It took alot of time and prayer to over him. and of course as soon as I was on the other side of the pain he made contact and apologized. Thats when I realized how much I don't trust him and he does not deserve my trust, my love, or my tears. However I can't help but wonder why does he continue to want me in his life. What sick and twisted plan does he have up his sleeve?
You know what..Now that I think about it..when he apologized He said "I had to get that off my chest." So even his apology wasn't about me but about him feeling better. See what I mean??!! But on the other hand I had prayed that God give him dreams about me and to show him how bad he treated me. Maybe he apologized just so he could get a good nites sleep!!!??

Hi Kocoahauntis & Tauruslady

I know exactly what you're going through (I'm an Aries)- I split up with an Aqua 'man' 5 months ago now and it still hurts to this day when I think about how a man could be so self-centred, selfish and manipulative.
He started out as Mr Perfect (which I now know was an illusion). He was intense and attentive (I found the intense part a little annoying - but I thought if he likes me that much then who am I to complain!). He was also fiercely possessive (is that another Aqua male trait?) Always checking up on me who were you with?, who did you talk to? etc...
To cut a long story short - out of the blue he announced he didn't want me - just as the relationship was about to take off - and coldly and clinically detached from me. When I asked him what the real deal was he gave me a couple of non-commital replies.
Anyhoo - I found out on the grapevine that he had met another woman a couple of weeks before so took up with her. I also hear she's dumped him now (hehehehe!)

Ah well. When I think about what I would have given up to be with him - I'm so glad to be out of it (did I also mention he could be verbally abusive - and loved twisting the truth - (mind games).

Anyhow I'm free and he has single handedly given me an allergy to Aqua men!

Holy Crap Alice!
I know you posted a message earlier telling me that you had a similar experience with an Aqua, but reading that makes it seem like we've been had by the same guy!!!

*started out as Mr Perfect-check
*intense and attentive -check
*always checking up on me-check!!! (if I did that I'd be labeled psycho)
*ditched me "just as the relationship was about to take off"-check
*stopped talking to me moment he meets new girl-check

Unfortuately, I don't think this girl will dump him. She doesn't have much going for herself so I can see her holding on to him for all it's worth. Maybe she'll freak him out and scare him off.

Oh, so last night I ran into him on the street!!! My luck just sucks! I haven't been face to face with him in over two months! Thank goodness I looked very cute and in a hurry (sorry, I have a life now and you're not in it).
You know what the first thing he did after he said a quick hello (he was with a female buddy), I caught him taking a quick glance at my chest!!!! I know boys will be boys but come on, don't act like a horny 16 year old.

Oh, and you guessed it...he asked me right away where I was going.

Wow..I guess the aqua trait of "They are always looking for the newer and better model" must be true. I also read somewhere they are the least yet Most married sign in the zodiac. They are always looking for better and different things so they can't settle down with anyone no matter how good she is. Its kinda sad tho because I can't imagine how many good women they let walk away or push away.

Yeah Alice..My aqua was all about me too then boom..he was gone. But like I said in my post He keeps coming back!! and I don't know why!!!

Oh oh all sounds so familiar. My Aqua woman is the same. Mind games and attempting to try out new models. But her inner core is weak and being a scorpio now i have taken the battle to her, give her a piece of my mind and when she starts manipulating my feelings I do too !!!

Add my name to the list of the Aquarian male dance folks...ya know, this is not a bad thing - it truly is how we chose to look/perceive situations/people. Honestly, I must say that I had never been through so much turmoil and so much emotional turbulance in all my born days but .... I am a much stronger person, I made it through the experience, I realized what I like and do not like in a relationship - the qualities that are important to me. It is all about choices....at first, I would ask myself, "why is he doing this and that? How could he do that? what kind of human would treat another human this way?" and so on. I soon realized that this was NOT about him but about ME......why am I allowing some man or anyone to treat me with disrespect? Why am I putting up with this man and his antics? What was it about me that was saying that this is okay and I should be treated this way? NOTHING!!!!! Nothing I say!!!!!

I needed to realize that I am one very important and special person who does NOT deserve this type of treatment from anyone and I won't take it! Oh baby....once I realized this, things in that Aqua/Aries relationship took a quick turn and Mr. Aqua had no clue what hit him!!!!! Still doesn't and he never will.

The Aries Warrior Woman (Xena) emerged and with a force to be reckond with. There were so many times that I would end our relationship only for him to find a way back in....silly me at that time I thought I was being nice and forgiving (yeah, silly me alright...I was allowing him to play his games - to have his power and control over me)

RECOGNIZE woman...RECOGNIZE and soon I did!!!! 😉

After writing him emails to end (talking did no good with him - he didn't listen) I wrote one final (and this one must know before hand and truly mean it in your heart..this IS the last and final time I will make contact with this person who does not respect me - I do not need this in my life!) So, I sent the email knowing he would try to make contact just as he had many times before. He did...I did NOT answer his emails, I took him off my IM, I did NOT take his phone calls, I did NOT answer my door when he showed up unannounced, I did NOT answer any numbers that I did not recognize on my phone (he did try that one with me too). It took many months for him to stop. I saw him about a month or so ago...he approached me while I was working out in the gym...I looked at him, said hi and was very short with any questions he asked me and all of a sudden I ignored him and continued with what was more important to me and that was working out MY body for me!

Go within...listen to your heart and find out what you need in your world and stick to that...let no one throw you off coarse, they will try believe me....and by you sticking to you, you will find all your strength, your power and your love within and no one can ever take that away.

Peace to you all,

Freebird

Thanks for that Freebird.

You did nail it right on the head. I can't make any additional comments because that was so perfectly put.

I just noticed though....here are a bunch of us pouring out our previous pain, suffering and above all confusion by the behavior of these Aquas.

Notice there have been no Aquas that have posted on this subject....even to give some type of defense to these typical Aqua traits just a little.

Just thought that was interesting........

LOL I thought about that too!! Why none have chimed in to defend themselves??!! I guess they have little to defend. Why am I not surprised?

I just found this board and it's like we are all dating the same guy! LOL He is an Aqua, I'm Taurus.

I'll try to make this short, but...............25 years worth of pain.
I've known this guy for 25 years, always wanting more than "friendship". He is a dog and I knew that. He would always "dangle the carrot" as they say, so that I would still sleep with him but he has always known how I feel. I know it was my own fault for not just staying away, but sooner or later I would contact him or he would contact me. We had this stupid game where he would call and hang up. If I called him back he knew it was safe and that he wasn't in trouble anymore because time had passed. It was unspoken, but he knew I would eventually ALWAYS call him back.

Of course when we did make contact, he would just proceed like nothing happened. Half assed apologies and usually we talked about HIS life. The only time he wanted personal information was to know about what guy I was seeing. And I went along with it. And he would make plans that never happened.

I did try and break away many times through letters or angry phone messages. It was horrible for my self esteem because he had other REAL girlfriends, even has kid with one! So, what does that say about me? "YOU JUST AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH". I was very codependent with him. I think that in addition to sex, he liked being around me because he didnt have to have secrets with me, where he did with his girlfriends (Like I said he is a dog) and we do laugh a lot. Over the years, I think the sex thing isnt'as important to him, I really think he wants an ear to bend.

Over the years I've had other relationships, but he has always been in my heart. We had periods where we wouldnt talk, usually because he treated me crappy by cancelling plans, lying, disappearing, not returning calls, etc.

Finally, about 5 years ago I really decided I'd had enough. I went through a lot of soul searching about him and all relationships. So, a time came where I found out he had a new girlfriend and it was devastating to me. I went to bed for a week. I guess I had the magical thinking like in the movies that the steadfast, long suffering one would "win" the one they loved. I watched too many movies! LOL

Anyway, that time was a turning point, though I still did (and do)have feelings for him. I didn't talk to him for 2 years. I would get hang ups and NOT call him back, I think he did drive bys a few times (a grown man!) but I didn't respond.
Then one day he called and I let him back in, though I was more cold. For the last 3 years it's been on and off. The last time we slept together he whispered "Don't ever go away like that again". Of course I wanted to believe his endearments. After that, I had invited him to go with me to a couple of places and he always had some reason why he couldnt. He couldnt even be bothered to try and keep me around by going out with me! But why should he? I've taught him all these years that he COULD treat me like crap and I would still let him in!

So now, a couple of months ago I thought it would be safe to contact him because my feelings for him didnt seem so intense (I know, someone hit me in the head, please!) and that we could be "friends". He seemed excited to hear from me, but I asked him to go with me on a day long errand and got the line "I want to, that sounds fun, but I'll have to see.........." blah blah. We've text messaged a few times since and I've had hang ups. But as usual, it's been pretty much ignoring me now that I've made contact. He only wants me around when it is convenient to him. I have no clue how he keeps a girlfriend, is it just me? Please don't tell me what a fool I am. I know.

Anyway, he emails me today. I haven't had contact with him in a few weeks. All it says is "Hey chick, how are you doing?" From knowing him so long, its his way of testing the water, to see if