To all those that say stimulate his mind!

OK! Finally posting! OK so I took the tip to stimulate an aqua's brain to attain a deeper connection, but every time I attempt to bring a rather stimulating question or topic to the conversation, my aqua just looks at me with a timid/confused face. Why? He is not like this when he is conversing with his friends (regarding topics that are more simpler than the ones I bring up or just as challenging). And, I have always been challenging, this is not me doing a complete 180 and changing my behavior on him. Is is not comfortable with me? What's the deal?

hmmmm....I act the same way I do when we argue, talk about silly things and laugh, etc. This one really has me stumped. Does he feel inadequate? Does he feel I'm inadequate? Is he too shy? *scratches head*

Don't think about it too much... don't over analyzing it too much. It may not be unnatural but it is obvious when someones trying too hard to please you. I can tell and I'm not listening to you... what do you figure he is seeing?

If you guys have awesome stimulating convos great if not no need to push it.

If you guys are together he's obviously with you for a reason. No need and try to be his everything.

I have the same problem. I can only get him talking about serious stuff. No more jokes . I miss it.

Posted by IAmMystified
I have the same problem. I can only get him talking about serious stuff. No more jokes . I miss it.

No, you're just seeing the real him. No one can always be happy go lucky, cracking jokes, humourous, etc all the time. There is a serious side to everyone and he's comfortable enough to let you see the mundane, normal side of his personality. He doesn't feel the need to entertain you. Consider it a complement.

Posted by iamwhatiam
OK! Finally posting! OK so I took the tip to stimulate an aqua's brain to attain a deeper connection, but every time I attempt to bring a rather stimulating question or topic to the conversation, my aqua just looks at me with a timid/confused face. Why? He is not like this when he is conversing with his friends (regarding topics that are more simpler than the ones I bring up or just as challenging). And, I have always been challenging, this is not me doing a complete 180 and changing my behavior on him. Is is not comfortable with me? What's the deal?

Just figure out what topics he likes to talk about and ask him questions. Cars, guns, sports, aliens, ghosts, politics, etc. He will feel stimulated when he's interested in the topic.

Posted by truecap

Posted by IAmMystified
I have the same problem. I can only get him talking about serious stuff. No more jokes . I miss it.

No, you're just seeing the real him. No one can always be happy go lucky, cracking jokes, humourous, etc all the time. There is a serious side to everyone and he's comfortable enough to let you see the mundane, normal side of his personality. He doesn't feel the need to entertain you. Consider it a complement.

click to expand

How is it a complement when everyone gets the jokey side of him.

Posted by IAmMystified

Posted by truecap

Posted by IAmMystified
I have the same problem. I can only get him talking about serious stuff. No more jokes . I miss it.

No, you're just seeing the real him. No one can always be happy go lucky, cracking jokes, humourous, etc all the time. There is a serious side to everyone and he's comfortable enough to let you see the mundane, normal side of his personality. He doesn't feel the need to entertain you. Consider it a complement.

How is it a complement when everyone gets the jokey side of him.

click to expand

Because they get the jokes. You get the REAL him.

The real him he's afraid to show to everyone else.

Need more information. What did you talk about to stimulate him and how did you do it? And what is challenging? And I don't understand why people make references to having mundane conversations with friends. We do it because they are our friends and I'll laugh and joke about bums and farts if I want to. Why? Because it's funny and it comes from our arse.

Yay!!!

*happy dance*

I wish someone threw a little of that *happy dance* over here. No one ever pays me in happy dances. *BROWWWWWWWWWWNNNN FROWN* HAHA Kidding! Happy Tuesday Everyone! I just saved a bunch of money on my Aqua ensurance by switching to Libra men! YAAAYYYY! *happy dance* Ha! You liked that didnt ya!

(I'm sorry, but I'm feeling wired, so I decided to take it out on you anonymous humanoids floating around in the DXP interwebs)

It feels like being ignored cause I wanna laugh too!

Right? Like being ostracized or something. I don't get it. But at the same time he sticks to me like glue.

I only did the happy dance because I got it right.

You gals have to be patient with aquas. Very, very patient.

You're either not trying hard enough or trying too hard.

Ha.

Hmm... you know what got me fed up in high school? My friends always expecting me to be their entertainment.

I'm not even that interesting...

I used to get uncomfortable in a group if everyone is just standing there quiet or seemingly uncomfortable soooo you know i'd continuously break the ice but that shit gets tiring after awhile ^.^? And honestly... These days I don't give a shit about that awkward silence anymore. You can all not know what to say.
I don't care.
I'll be on my phone ignoring you haha. Smartphones really are a gift from God.

I think what happens sometimes is that someone falls for the outgoing aqua holding court and entertaining everyone with their upbeatness and humor. Very attractive traits guaranteeing fun and witty banter and laughter. Then, once the aquarius gets comfortable and doesn't have to put on a "show" anymore and chooses to be theirself, people get disappointed that it's not going to be what they thought it's going to be.

However, this works to the aquarius's benefit because when they do get quiet and just want to watch TV and have comfortable company without having to talk - just like anyone else - and the person is disappointed, then the aquarius can tell that the person isn't into them as a person, but only likes their public persona.

My aqua is constantly saying "hope you're not bored" or "this is my boring life" or "welcome to my daily routine". I'm like, I'm never bored when I'm with you. Seemed like FOREVER he believed that I enjoyed quiet time and just chilling and not talking. I enjoy just being together - him in his recliner and me on the couch. I even take naps on that couch. It's comforting knowing that he's there. He's fallen asleep on me, too and it's very, very flattering to each of us that we are this comfortable together.

Think about this. Comedians aren't always "on". They are probably quiet, observant and normal. Really, do you think Robin Williams and Jim Carey are ALWAYS spastic? No. They are real people with real problems and they have a serious side too. Even comedians need someone they can relax and be boring with.

Posted by truecap
However, this works to the aquarius's benefit because when they do get quiet and just want to watch TV and have comfortable company without having to talk - just like anyone else - and the person is disappointed, then the aquarius can tell that the person isn't into them as a person, but only likes their public persona.

And just like anyone else, I'm sure an aqua wants to know someone likes ALL sides of their personality. For example, Cappy needs to know someone accepts the dark side. Aqua probably needs to know someone accepts the weird or quiet side. And so on throughout the astrological wheel.

Posted by truecap
I think what happens sometimes is that someone falls for the outgoing aqua holding court and entertaining everyone with their upbeatness and humor. Very attractive traits guaranteeing fun and witty banter and laughter. Then, once the aquarius gets comfortable and doesn't have to put on a "show" anymore and chooses to be theirself, people get disappointed that it's not going to be what they thought it's going to be.

However, this works to the aquarius's benefit because when they do get quiet and just want to watch TV and have comfortable company without having to talk - just like anyone else - and the person is disappointed, then the aquarius can tell that the person isn't into them as a person, but only likes their public persona.

My aqua is constantly saying "hope you're not bored" or "this is my boring life" or "welcome to my daily routine". I'm like, I'm never bored when I'm with you. Seemed like FOREVER he believed that I enjoyed quiet time and just chilling and not talking. I enjoy just being together - him in his recliner and me on the couch. I even take naps on that couch. It's comforting knowing that he's there. He's fallen asleep on me, too and it's very, very flattering to each of us that we are this comfortable together.

Think about this. Comedians aren't always "on". They are probably quiet, observant and normal. Really, do you think Robin Williams and Jim Carey are ALWAYS spastic? No. They are real people with real problems and they have a serious side too. Even comedians need someone they can relax and be boring with.

Oops. "seemed like it was forever before he believed"

*fixed*

Posted by truecap
I think what happens sometimes is that someone falls for the outgoing aqua holding court and entertaining everyone with their upbeatness and humor. Very attractive traits guaranteeing fun and witty banter and laughter. Then, once the aquarius gets comfortable and doesn't have to put on a "show" anymore and chooses to be theirself, people get disappointed that it's not going to be what they thought it's going to be.

However, this works to the aquarius's benefit because when they do get quiet and just want to watch TV and have comfortable company without having to talk - just like anyone else - and the person is disappointed, then the aquarius can tell that the person isn't into them as a person, but only likes their public persona.

My aqua is constantly saying "hope you're not bored" or "this is my boring life" or "welcome to my daily routine". I'm like, I'm never bored when I'm with you. Seemed like FOREVER he believed that I enjoyed quiet time and just chilling and not talking. I enjoy just being together - him in his recliner and me on the couch. I even take naps on that couch. It's comforting knowing that he's there. He's fallen asleep on me, too and it's very, very flattering to each of us that we are this comfortable together.

Think about this. Comedians aren't always "on". They are probably quiet, observant and normal. Really, do you think Robin Williams and Jim Carey are ALWAYS spastic? No. They are real people with real problems and they have a serious side too. Even comedians need someone they can relax and be boring with.

+1 This makes a lot of sense. Thanks! Sometimes, we do laugh on and on for hours and then sometimes we just do absolutely nothing but layout and relax. It's just the moments where I'm out with a group and he excludes me (or when I try to get the same witty banter out of him that he gave the crowd). With me, it's a different kind of humor.

How is it different? Humor is humor isn't it?

@truecap Thanks for the insight. However, that's not always the biggest issue people have with Aquas. From what I've seen and its particularly true in my case, my aqua was all "WOO HOO" with me, but he also added the shy/quiet side of him that I loved because we would talk about ourselves adn stuff, I appreciated that more than his wittyness and goofy behavior and jokes.

But where things went wrong and where I got disappointed was once he got I guess popular or well known based on the Woo Hoo side of him. He forgot about me, I was put on the back burner. Not intentionally but he's so easily distracted. Me being passive (and I fight for no one), I got upset. Because him being so popular and distracted by everyone else he not only forgot about me, but he started letting me down and not being reliable and not being that guy I was comfortable around.

He basically failed at friendship. All the qualities he used to have that made him a great friend, he started losing those qualities becuase he couldn't keep up with all the attention he was getting. That's what he still doesn't get and that's how it is right now.

And as a Scorpio all it's done is make me a very angry (in a disappointment sort of way) individual to the point where I'm literally afraid of talking to him, or being around him becuase the first thought that comes into my mind is that he's just going to disappoint me.

What it's also done is me losing faith in him so much that even if he's making tremendous improvements, I'm so bitter I can't even tell if they are improvements anymore....and it's changed my personality. I used to by shy, sweet and funny and coy and now I'm self righteous, opinionated, jaded and etc.

I don't like how I am anymore...and its his fault and its my fault.

And the other thing the aqua doesn't get, he dropped me for his new found popularity...he's spending so much time around those people, but yet he knows he can't call them friends adn they aren't people he sees as dependable. He's said this before...but yet he spends 75% around these people?

It's stupid.

It's natural human behavior. It happens. People that that happens too eventually find out who their real friends are.

As far as it changing your personality, it's not his fault. He didn't have anything to do with it. You are responsible for your own self. You are the one who allowed these things to change your personality. You can't control or blame other people, because you have the power to not let things affect you. Yes, you are the one who allowed his behavior to influence yours. You can't control others, but you can control your own actions and reactions.

So, that said, you changed your personality. Don't you think that could have been the catalyst that caused his reaction to you? Every action (your personality change) has a reaction (his response to you).

Yes, it goes both ways, but you're only in control of how YOU behave. Thus, changing your action affects how you are perceived. You can always change back to how you were before.

Basically, stop blaming him and feeling sorry for yourself and work on you and how you can get back to the sweet, coy, fun person you once were.

You can do it! I have faith in you!

Posted by truecap
How is it different? Humor is humor isn't it?

In a group, he is the type of funny that is blatant and in your face, you can escape laughing kind of funny. With me, it's more subtle, to get this joke you must be in the know funny.

Posted by IAmMystified
@truecap Thanks for the insight. However, that's not always the biggest issue people have with Aquas. From what I've seen and its particularly true in my case, my aqua was all "WOO HOO" with me, but he also added the shy/quiet side of him that I loved because we would talk about ourselves adn stuff, I appreciated that more than his wittyness and goofy behavior and jokes.

But where things went wrong and where I got disappointed was once he got I guess popular or well known based on the Woo Hoo side of him. He forgot about me, I was put on the back burner. Not intentionally but he's so easily distracted. Me being passive (and I fight for no one), I got upset. Because him being so popular and distracted by everyone else he not only forgot about me, but he started letting me down and not being reliable and not being that guy I was comfortable around.

He basically failed at friendship. All the qualities he used to have that made him a great friend, he started losing those qualities becuase he couldn't keep up with all the attention he was getting. That's what he still doesn't get and that's how it is right now.

And as a Scorpio all it's done is make me a very angry (in a disappointment sort of way) individual to the point where I'm literally afraid of talking to him, or being around him becuase the first thought that comes into my mind is that he's just going to disappoint me.

What it's also done is me losing faith in him so much that even if he's making tremendous improvements, I'm so bitter I can't even tell if they are improvements anymore....and it's changed my personality. I used to by shy, sweet and funny and coy and now I'm self righteous, opinionated, jaded and etc.

I don't like how I am anymore...and its his fault and its my fault.

What's his venus? It could have something to do with it.

Posted by iamwhatiam

Posted by truecap
How is it different? Humor is humor isn't it?

In a group, he is the type of funny that is blatant and in your face, you can escape laughing kind of funny. With me, it's more subtle, to get this joke you must be in the know funny.

click to expand

See, I think that's even better!! It's more personal! And he knows you'll get it. It's like tailor-made humor just for you!

Posted by truecap

Posted by iamwhatiam

Posted by truecap
How is it different? Humor is humor isn't it?

In a group, he is the type of funny that is blatant and in your face, you can escape laughing kind of funny. With me, it's more subtle, to get this joke you must be in the know funny.

See, I think that's even better!! It's more personal! And he knows you'll get it. It's like tailor-made humor just for you!

click to expand

Truecap: *happy dance*!

@iamwhatiam i don't know what his venus is.

How would I know.

Posted by IAmMystifiedI don't like how I am anymore...and its his fault and its my fault.

Admitting change = good. Noticing influential figures = good. BLAMING one part on anyone else = bad.

Sorry but the story seems to be

1. You guys were friends (no mention of relationship)
2. You forgot what happened to make things go sour (or maybe you do, you're just not sharing)
3. He starts hanging with the popular kids
4. You dislike the fact he's not paying you attention anymore
5. This became an obsession of not being able to change him and wanting the old.

This is toxic shit.

@aquanoz

I don't know what made it go sour. He got popular and boom I got forgotten about. He combined to me in the rare occasions we did talk that it was tiresome ppl bothered him all the time.

But if he hated being bothered then he doesn't have to hang out with them. But he still does. He even seeks them out.

Part of it too is, when I did my own thing as a way to cope with the loss of friendship he would be irritated that I didn't talk to him (on his terms cause whenever I kept trying to hang out everyone else was more important )

Like I said before when he became popular I was the only "old friend" he had that he forgot because nothing seemed to change for them

I even talked to mutual friends about it and they were surprised and didn't realize he and I barely talked anymore because they always associated him with me.

They even said that he has in the past asked others about what was going on with me but it's like what's stopping him from ask me "how's life"

something's stopping him from doing so and whatever it is he won't tell me and because if that it makes me continue to believe despite what friends say that he doesn't care about our past friendship.

Try not to force it. They don't only seek mental stimulation, they want it to happen spontaneously.

Posted by Geminisces
Try not to force it. They don't only seek mental stimulation, they want it to happen spontaneously.

I still believe they have a pattern