To do or not

This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by Gemgal101 on Wednesday, January 10, 2018 and has 137 replies.
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I came to this forum a couple of months ago about an aqua guy I've been seeing for 18 months (which is unofficial to everyone ).

He has now gone away for a few weeks. I asked him to let me know when he got to certain destinations and he did by either phone or text. His last destination i texted him to make sure he got there (as i was worried and hadnt heard) and he replied with very short text.

Hadnt heard from him the last few days and i received a text this morning with just typical talk like weather and how everything is going.

We used to talk every day either verbally or text and I want to give him space because he needed this break to get away from everything. I just wanted to let him know that I miss him but the other part of me says to just let him be. I feel if i dont, he thinks i dont care about him. Am I right in thinking that?? Overthinking...thats what I do best!!
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Text him.
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Posted by AerialView
Text him.
Dont laugh but I value your opinion AerialView but do you think he'd appreciate it or just go "whatever"? Should I wait a little longer like was suggested by someone else?
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Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Text him.
Dont laugh but I value your opinion AerialView but do you think he'd appreciate it or just go "whatever"? Should I wait a little longer like was suggested by someone else?
click to expand
Yes he'd appreciate it though he might not answer.
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Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Text him.
Dont laugh but I value your opinion AerialView but do you think he'd appreciate it or just go "whatever"? Should I wait a little longer like was suggested by someone else?
Yes he'd appreciate it though he might not answer.
click to expand
Yes. I'm getting used to the no answer reply but thats ok. Was more to know that he would appreciate it. Thanks..

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Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Text him.
Dont laugh but I value your opinion AerialView but do you think he'd appreciate it or just go "whatever"? Should I wait a little longer like was suggested by someone else?
Yes he'd appreciate it though he might not answer.
Yes. I'm getting used to the no answer reply but thats ok. Was more to know that he would appreciate it. Thanks..

click to expand
You're welcome.
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Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Text him.
Dont laugh but I value your opinion AerialView but do you think he'd appreciate it or just go "whatever"? Should I wait a little longer like was suggested by someone else?
Yes he'd appreciate it though he might not answer.
Yes. I'm getting used to the no answer reply but thats ok. Was more to know that he would appreciate it. Thanks..

You're welcome.
click to expand
Another question for you (if you dont mind) but its something thats bugged me for the past month but he used to call me babe or other "cute names" i guess but now he calls me by my real name. Is it i have moved back to friends zone or was it too much too soon and now overwhelming for him?

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Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Text him.
Dont laugh but I value your opinion AerialView but do you think he'd appreciate it or just go "whatever"? Should I wait a little longer like was suggested by someone else?
Yes he'd appreciate it though he might not answer.
Yes. I'm getting used to the no answer reply but thats ok. Was more to know that he would appreciate it. Thanks..

You're welcome.
Another question for you (if you dont mind) but its something thats bugged me for the past month but he used to call me babe or other "cute names" i guess but now he calls me by my real name. Is it i have moved back to friends zone or was it too much too soon and now overwhelming for him?

click to expand
Maybe it's only me but that's not a good sign if he stopped calling you "cute names"
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Yes, he will. If he needs space to recharge himself, don't text too much, but do it once in a while, so that he knows you are thinking of him and you are also comfortable with him being away for a while. I've noticed that when the Aqua is away, he gets detached mentally too, concentrating on what is going on at his present location. When he comes back, everything turns back to normal.
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18 months and your not official...why’s that?
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Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Text him.
Dont laugh but I value your opinion AerialView but do you think he'd appreciate it or just go "whatever"? Should I wait a little longer like was suggested by someone else?
Yes he'd appreciate it though he might not answer.
Yes. I'm getting used to the no answer reply but thats ok. Was more to know that he would appreciate it. Thanks..

You're welcome.
Another question for you (if you dont mind) but its something thats bugged me for the past month but he used to call me babe or other "cute names" i guess but now he calls me by my real name. Is it i have moved back to friends zone or was it too much too soon and now overwhelming for him?

Maybe it's only me but that's not a good sign if he stopped calling you "cute names"
click to expand
Not really what I wanted to hear but somehow didnt think it was good. It hurts when it started happening cos I got so used to being called "babe" and he would always say how amazing i looked and now, nothing. No compliments no cute names. Just very "friends". Feel like he was starting to push me and i think that was also the hesitation in texting him to say i miss him.

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Posted by compy
Yes, he will. If he needs space to recharge himself, don't text too much, but do it once in a while, so that he knows you are thinking of him and you are also comfortable with him being away for a while. I've noticed that when the Aqua is away, he gets detached mentally too, concentrating on what is going on at his present location. When he comes back, everything turns back to normal.
I thought he would be focused on where he is and wouldn't need the distraction of whats happening back in his hometown i guess. He said he needed to get away from everything but he did say he wasnt going away because of me but because of everyone else...
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Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Text him.
Dont laugh but I value your opinion AerialView but do you think he'd appreciate it or just go "whatever"? Should I wait a little longer like was suggested by someone else?
Yes he'd appreciate it though he might not answer.
Yes. I'm getting used to the no answer reply but thats ok. Was more to know that he would appreciate it. Thanks..

You're welcome.
Another question for you (if you dont mind) but its something thats bugged me for the past month but he used to call me babe or other "cute names" i guess but now he calls me by my real name. Is it i have moved back to friends zone or was it too much too soon and now overwhelming for him?

Maybe it's only me but that's not a good sign if he stopped calling you "cute names"
Not really what I wanted to hear but somehow didnt think it was good. It hurts when it started happening cos I got so used to being called "babe" and he would always say how amazing i looked and now, nothing. No compliments no cute names. Just very "friends". Feel like he was starting to push me and i think that was also the hesitation in texting him to say i miss him.

click to expand
I understand how you feel.
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Posted by LadyNeptune
18 months and your not official...why’s that?
I wish I could answer that. He knows what i want but he did loose his partner 2 years ago so not sure if he's completely healed. He has throughout the 18months said "i wanted to take it to the next level but..." then give me a reason which i now look as though it was an excuse...to by time? Because I'm not good enough? Dont know. I know his family. We've been away together on weekends 4 times in the last 18months but after the last one, things changed especially after he went out one night with mates he hadnt seen for ages too. He didn't devulge too much as to what went on. I asked but he got defensive and said "why are you asking".. so, dont know
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Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Text him.
Dont laugh but I value your opinion AerialView but do you think he'd appreciate it or just go "whatever"? Should I wait a little longer like was suggested by someone else?
Yes he'd appreciate it though he might not answer.
Yes. I'm getting used to the no answer reply but thats ok. Was more to know that he would appreciate it. Thanks..

You're welcome.
Another question for you (if you dont mind) but its something thats bugged me for the past month but he used to call me babe or other "cute names" i guess but now he calls me by my real name. Is it i have moved back to friends zone or was it too much too soon and now overwhelming for him?

Maybe it's only me but that's not a good sign if he stopped calling you "cute names"
Not really what I wanted to hear but somehow didnt think it was good. It hurts when it started happening cos I got so used to being called "babe" and he would always say how amazing i looked and now, nothing. No compliments no cute names. Just very "friends". Feel like he was starting to push me and i think that was also the hesitation in texting him to say i miss him.

I understand how you feel.
click to expand
Brutal honest but only knowing what you have read, do you think its done or just wait til he gets back and see what happens? I'm sorry to be a pain but like I said, i do value your opinion :-)

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Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Text him.
Dont laugh but I value your opinion AerialView but do you think he'd appreciate it or just go "whatever"? Should I wait a little longer like was suggested by someone else?
Yes he'd appreciate it though he might not answer.
Yes. I'm getting used to the no answer reply but thats ok. Was more to know that he would appreciate it. Thanks..

You're welcome.
Another question for you (if you dont mind) but its something thats bugged me for the past month but he used to call me babe or other "cute names" i guess but now he calls me by my real name. Is it i have moved back to friends zone or was it too much too soon and now overwhelming for him?

Maybe it's only me but that's not a good sign if he stopped calling you "cute names"
Not really what I wanted to hear but somehow didnt think it was good. It hurts when it started happening cos I got so used to being called "babe" and he would always say how amazing i looked and now, nothing. No compliments no cute names. Just very "friends". Feel like he was starting to push me and i think that was also the hesitation in texting him to say i miss him.

I understand how you feel.
Brutal honest but only knowing what you have read, do you think its done or just wait til he gets back and see what happens? I'm sorry to be a pain but like I said, i do value your opinion :-)

click to expand
If he worth a wait, then yes wait for him.
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Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by AerialView
Text him.
Dont laugh but I value your opinion AerialView but do you think he'd appreciate it or just go "whatever"? Should I wait a little longer like was suggested by someone else?
Yes he'd appreciate it though he might not answer.
Yes. I'm getting used to the no answer reply but thats ok. Was more to know that he would appreciate it. Thanks..

You're welcome.
Another question for you (if you dont mind) but its something thats bugged me for the past month but he used to call me babe or other "cute names" i guess but now he calls me by my real name. Is it i have moved back to friends zone or was it too much too soon and now overwhelming for him?

Maybe it's only me but that's not a good sign if he stopped calling you "cute names"
Not really what I wanted to hear but somehow didnt think it was good. It hurts when it started happening cos I got so used to being called "babe" and he would always say how amazing i looked and now, nothing. No compliments no cute names. Just very "friends". Feel like he was starting to push me and i think that was also the hesitation in texting him to say i miss him.

I understand how you feel.
Brutal honest but only knowing what you have read, do you think its done or just wait til he gets back and see what happens? I'm sorry to be a pain but like I said, i do value your opinion :-)

If he worth a wait, then yes wait for him.
click to expand
He is definitely worth the wait...as much as it hurts somedays, i will wait...

thank you again AerialView.

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There is no such thing as a unofficial relationships.. What about you ....Live your life . Stop worrying about him and put more into you right now . Have something to talk about when he calls (if you answer or not ) I wouldnt text or call him . Make him miss you or feel like he missing out on you 😃
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Posted by StormyBlu
There is no such thing as a unofficial relationships.. What about you ....Live your life . Stop worrying about him and put more into you right now . Have something to talk about when he calls (if you answer or not ) I wouldnt text or call him . Make him miss you or feel like he missing out on you 😃
Makes perfect sense what you're saying and I know I have made myself too available for him that he always knows I will reply/respond etc. Maybe I should just pull it back. I guess if it backfires, then I'll truly know where I stand.

Thank you
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I woudn't contact him
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Posted by Capmercury87
We aquas get comfortable.

Your over thinking it and should let him have fun and do his thing. He will contact you when he needs to. We always come back home.
Yes. I do over think but I feel as though I have reason to. He's gone away other times (with/without) his son and has always contacted me every day either by calling or text. He would tell me he missed me too on those occasions and be very flirty with conversations. This times different. This time is nothing more than friend text.
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Posted by MyStarsShine
I woudn't contact him
Main reason being?

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Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by StormyBlu
There is no such thing as a unofficial relationships.. What about you ....Live your life . Stop worrying about him and put more into you right now . Have something to talk about when he calls (if you answer or not ) I wouldnt text or call him . Make him miss you or feel like he missing out on you 😃
Makes perfect sense what you're saying and I know I have made myself too available for him that he always knows I will reply/respond etc. Maybe I should just pull it back. I guess if it backfires, then I'll truly know where I stand.

Thank you
click to expand
Your Welcome, To Be Honest after 18 months , That’s a whole relationship!!! He basiclly broke up with you and you never knew were you stood with him. He’s a Coward . Put more love in to you . Pick and choose how you gonna handle him from this point on .. Finish Him 😊
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Posted by StormyBlu
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by StormyBlu
There is no such thing as a unofficial relationships.. What about you ....Live your life . Stop worrying about him and put more into you right now . Have something to talk about when he calls (if you answer or not ) I wouldnt text or call him . Make him miss you or feel like he missing out on you 😃
Makes perfect sense what you're saying and I know I have made myself too available for him that he always knows I will reply/respond etc. Maybe I should just pull it back. I guess if it backfires, then I'll truly know where I stand.

Thank you
Your Welcome, To Be Honest after 18 months , That’s a whole relationship!!! He basiclly broke up with you and you never knew were you stood with him. He’s a Coward . Put more love in to you . Pick and choose how you gonna handle him from this point on .. Finish Him 😊
click to expand
Sounds brutal but in a way I do feel as though he has left it the way he has because he wants me to be the one to say "I'm done. Can't do this anymore." It's so hard when you have fallen for them though and want nothing more than a possible future together but I do need to look out for me cos I'm a mess at the moment.

Thanks again:-)

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Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by MyStarsShine
I woudn't contact him
Main reason being?

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.....he has gone away and I would give him space to enjoy himself

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Yes no contact. That’s what I’m doing with my aqua. I like this strategy for a lot of reasons.
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Posted by airycap82
Posted by LadyNeptune
18 months and your not official...why’s that?
Because, Aqua. 😂
click to expand
Naw, because he isn't interested in more than friendship with her.

It's plain as day but sad that she can't or won't see it Sad
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Posted by MyStarsShine
I woudn't contact him
Agree.

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Posted by justagirl
Posted by airycap82
Posted by LadyNeptune
18 months and your not official...why’s that?
Because, Aqua. 😂
Naw, because he isn't interested in more than friendship with her.

It's plain as day but sad that she can't or won't see it Sad
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I guess I don't want to see it because I want it to be there. My urge is to call him though because I want to sort it out. Can't handle the next few weeks him choosing to contact me when it suits when I'm here going crazy about the whole situation. I did say in a previous comment that I'd wait and see when he got back but I don't know if I can handle the not knowing where I stand.

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Posted by pinkbird03
Yes no contact. That’s what I’m doing with my aqua. I like this strategy for a lot of reasons.
Does it work and is your relationship an official relationship unlike mine or real like I wish it was.
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Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by pinkbird03
Yes no contact. That’s what I’m doing with my aqua. I like this strategy for a lot of reasons.
Does it work and is your relationship an official relationship unlike mine or real like I wish it was.
click to expand
It was official. But then he became aloof. Hardly texting. Not making any effort to talk or hang out. Still kept me in his life here and there so I’ve been confused. Figured if he really wants to be with me, he will make that effort. No contact has been interesting. He’s reacted in different ways to get my attention, but I haven’t caved. I think he will text me within a week. I just have this feeling by the way he’s acting. Could be wrong! But I’m hopeful. It’s only been 12 days.

It’s a good strategy to make a guy wonder what you’re up to, miss you, and make an effort if he truly cares. If not, the time apart helps you distance yourself and move on easier. Win win.
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Posted by pinkbird03
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by pinkbird03
Yes no contact. That’s what I’m doing with my aqua. I like this strategy for a lot of reasons.
Does it work and is your relationship an official relationship unlike mine or real like I wish it was.
It was official. But then he became aloof. Hardly texting. Not making any effort to talk or hang out. Still kept me in his life here and there so I’ve been confused. Figured if he really wants to be with me, he will make that effort. No contact has been interesting. He’s reacted in different ways to get my attention, but I haven’t caved. I think he will text me within a week. I just have this feeling by the way he’s acting. Could be wrong! But I’m hopeful. It’s only been 12 days.

It’s a good strategy to make a guy wonder what you’re up to, miss you, and make an effort if he truly cares. If not, the time apart helps you distance yourself and move on easier. Win win.
click to expand
12 days?

What if he's seeing other people? Does that thought bother you because it does me!
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Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by pinkbird03
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by pinkbird03
Yes no contact. That’s what I’m doing with my aqua. I like this strategy for a lot of reasons.
Does it work and is your relationship an official relationship unlike mine or real like I wish it was.
It was official. But then he became aloof. Hardly texting. Not making any effort to talk or hang out. Still kept me in his life here and there so I’ve been confused. Figured if he really wants to be with me, he will make that effort. No contact has been interesting. He’s reacted in different ways to get my attention, but I haven’t caved. I think he will text me within a week. I just have this feeling by the way he’s acting. Could be wrong! But I’m hopeful. It’s only been 12 days.

It’s a good strategy to make a guy wonder what you’re up to, miss you, and make an effort if he truly cares. If not, the time apart helps you distance yourself and move on easier. Win win.
12 days?

What if he's seeing other people? Does that thought bother you because it does me!
click to expand
12 days is by far the longest we’ve gone radio silent. It’s unlike me to not text him... ya know being the clingy cancer I am, but it shows him I’m serious about not putting up with his half ass behavior.

As for girls- We were sharing our location with each other and nothing suspicious ever happened. Hes a workaholic... I shut my location off first. He shut his off Monday right after I posted a really pretty selfie that he viewed lol... I’m not worried honestly. He still tries to indirectly communicate with me so that’s why I don’t think he’s really gone. But yea, I do worry about him and the possibility of other girls, but I’m confident in myself and know my value so it’s his loss if he doesn’t want me. Just be confident! Dont settle for less.

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I appreciate everyone's input here. I'm so lost I still don't know what to do. I guess I have to decide what I need to do for me which might not be what I want....I'm just very emotionally exhausted at the moment...

Don't always get what you want...Sad
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Posted by Leo188881
Posted by Gemgal101
I appreciate everyone's input here. I'm so lost I still don't know what to do. I guess I have to decide what I need to do for me which might not be what I want....I'm just very emotionally exhausted at the moment...

Don't always get what you want...Sad
What you do depends on how prepared you are to lose him. If it hurts more to feel lonely in your relationship, than it is to be alone and single, maybe it's worth making a hard decision. You can try giving him the option of either stepping up to be the man you deserve or letting you go to set you free. It might hurt and you might not get what you hoped for, but it's something to consider. I think I'm getting close to this point with my Aqua too. I feel like I hold back telling him how I'm feeling because i read too much about his stupid star sign and I've tried to accept the Aqua aloofness instead of treating him like a regular guy that's being inconsiderate or cold.
click to expand
I came to this forum to try to get a better understanding of who he is because I've never met anyone like him. It's helped me understand that what he does day to day is what is seen in other Aquarian too but I hear what your saying in that I should treat him like a regular guy and not feel like I can't say what I need to say for fear of him walking away. The last few weeks before he left were horrible for me because I did feel like we kinda broke up without breaking up. I love him very much and I can't just switch off like he can but I can't keep feeling like this. I am expecting this to not end well in the sense that he'll just want friendship and be quite aloof about it but feeling lonely in a relationship (even an unofficial one) hurts.

.

I have been patient and never given ultimatums but I think I need to make a decision sooner rather than later.

I wish you luck with your situation and hope it goes the way you want it too..

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Posted by Seleukos
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by Leo188881
Posted by Gemgal101
I appreciate everyone's input here. I'm so lost I still don't know what to do. I guess I have to decide what I need to do for me which might not be what I want....I'm just very emotionally exhausted at the moment...

Don't always get what you want...Sad
What you do depends on how prepared you are to lose him. If it hurts more to feel lonely in your relationship, than it is to be alone and single, maybe it's worth making a hard decision. You can try giving him the option of either stepping up to be the man you deserve or letting you go to set you free. It might hurt and you might not get what you hoped for, but it's something to consider. I think I'm getting close to this point with my Aqua too. I feel like I hold back telling him how I'm feeling because i read too much about his stupid star sign and I've tried to accept the Aqua aloofness instead of treating him like a regular guy that's being inconsiderate or cold.
I came to this forum to try to get a better understanding of who he is because I've never met anyone like him. It's helped me understand that what he does day to day is what is seen in other Aquarian too but I hear what your saying in that I should treat him like a regular guy and not feel like I can't say what I need to say for fear of him walking away. The last few weeks before he left were horrible for me because I did feel like we kinda broke up without breaking up. I love him very much and I can't just switch off like he can but I can't keep feeling like this. I am expecting this to not end well in the sense that he'll just want friendship and be quite aloof about it but feeling lonely in a relationship (even an unofficial one) hurts.

.

I have been patient and never given ultimatums but I think I need to make a decision sooner rather than later.

I wish you luck with your situation and hope it goes the way you want it too..

It's good to know how a persons mind/personality works but catering to them as much as possible wil achieve the complete opposite of what you want.

He has no reason or incentive to change or adapt. You are no challange that way.

Love and attraction needs both aspects. Challange and comfort. Not only for an aquarius but for every human being on a chemical level: falling in love is determined by an higher amount of serotonin and dopamine in you at the same time.

Geminis need to stay themselves aroudn Aquas because we have the tendency to completly dominate you and that turns us off like nothing else.
click to expand
So I've possibly become boring for him?

Can I change that or too late?

Should I then just say how I feel because he won't think that I would stand up for myself?

Should I contact him then or just leave it?

I actually think he's met up with someone whilst he's away (just a gut feeling) and wanted to ask him straight out but I can hear everyone reading this saying "No."

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Posted by AerialView
Text him.
You liked my last post AerialView. Was there truth to it you think?
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Posted by Seleukos
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by Seleukos
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by Leo188881
Posted by Gemgal101
I appreciate everyone's input here. I'm so lost I still don't know what to do. I guess I have to decide what I need to do for me which might not be what I want....I'm just very emotionally exhausted at the moment...

Don't always get what you want...Sad
What you do depends on how prepared you are to lose him. If it hurts more to feel lonely in your relationship, than it is to be alone and single, maybe it's worth making a hard decision. You can try giving him the option of either stepping up to be the man you deserve or letting you go to set you free. It might hurt and you might not get what you hoped for, but it's something to consider. I think I'm getting close to this point with my Aqua too. I feel like I hold back telling him how I'm feeling because i read too much about his stupid star sign and I've tried to accept the Aqua aloofness instead of treating him like a regular guy that's being inconsiderate or cold.
I came to this forum to try to get a better understanding of who he is because I've never met anyone like him. It's helped me understand that what he does day to day is what is seen in other Aquarian too but I hear what your saying in that I should treat him like a regular guy and not feel like I can't say what I need to say for fear of him walking away. The last few weeks before he left were horrible for me because I did feel like we kinda broke up without breaking up. I love him very much and I can't just switch off like he can but I can't keep feeling like this. I am expecting this to not end well in the sense that he'll just want friendship and be quite aloof about it but feeling lonely in a relationship (even an unofficial one) hurts.

.

I have been patient and never given ultimatums but I think I need to make a decision sooner rather than later.

I wish you luck with your situation and hope it goes the way you want it too..

It's good to know how a persons mind/personality works but catering to them as much as possible wil achieve the complete opposite of what you want.

He has no reason or incentive to change or adapt. You are no challange that way.

Love and attraction needs both aspects. Challange and comfort. Not only for an aquarius but for every human being on a chemical level: falling in love is determined by an higher amount of serotonin and dopamine in you at the same time.

Geminis need to stay themselves aroudn Aquas because we have the tendency to completly dominate you and that turns us off like nothing else.
So I've possibly become boring for him?

Can I change that or too late?

Should I then just say how I feel because he won't think that I would stand up for myself?

Should I contact him then or just leave it?

I actually think he's met up with someone whilst he's away (just a gut feeling) and wanted to ask him straight out but I can hear everyone reading this saying "No."

There is no option that is right or wrong.

It depends on what you want and to increase the likelihood of that happening.

If you think your relationhsip is already doomed to fail I would let all out now if I were you and just move on. You've suffered enough and it's time to do tthings your way. This might even make you interesting again, might mind you. One can always become ineteresting again. Gemini in particular.

Only ask him abiut things like if there is another person if you have actual evidence. Otherwise it comes of asemotional madness. Even if you are right.

Protect yourself for now. That should cover most of the possibilities without excluding too many future options.
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Might sound stupid but..

How do I protect myself now? Do what's best for me?

After reading the above posts,

I feel now like I fucked up without even trying to fuck up because I didn't feel like I could be fully me as there was no full commitment...

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Just let him be. He left because he needed time to think. Let him think.

Do you own thing. Try not to think about him. And let him come to you when he is ready.

That he is still texting you even as a friend is a good sign. Not everything is lost.

But if you push him now when he is clearly unavailable, you may lose him forever.

details
Did anything bad happen recently in your relationship or to him personally?
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Thank you both Seleukos and pisceswoman123.

I will try my best and just leave it be. It is predictable I guess that he would expect me to ring/text but I will perhaps refrain from that. Do my own thing and see what happens I guess. Going to be hard but I think I can (sound like The Little Engine That Could!)😄
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Posted by pinkbird03
Did anything bad happen recently in your relationship or to him personally?
His wife passed 2 years ago and has now become a single dad.
details
Posted by Leo188881
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by Leo188881
Posted by Gemgal101
I appreciate everyone's input here. I'm so lost I still don't know what to do. I guess I have to decide what I need to do for me which might not be what I want....I'm just very emotionally exhausted at the moment...

Don't always get what you want...Sad
What you do depends on how prepared you are to lose him. If it hurts more to feel lonely in your relationship, than it is to be alone and single, maybe it's worth making a hard decision. You can try giving him the option of either stepping up to be the man you deserve or letting you go to set you free. It might hurt and you might not get what you hoped for, but it's something to consider. I think I'm getting close to this point with my Aqua too. I feel like I hold back telling him how I'm feeling because i read too much about his stupid star sign and I've tried to accept the Aqua aloofness instead of treating him like a regular guy that's being inconsiderate or cold.
I came to this forum to try to get a better understanding of who he is because I've never met anyone like him. It's helped me understand that what he does day to day is what is seen in other Aquarian too but I hear what your saying in that I should treat him like a regular guy and not feel like I can't say what I need to say for fear of him walking away. The last few weeks before he left were horrible for me because I did feel like we kinda broke up without breaking up. I love him very much and I can't just switch off like he can but I can't keep feeling like this. I am expecting this to not end well in the sense that he'll just want friendship and be quite aloof about it but feeling lonely in a relationship (even an unofficial one) hurts.

.

I have been patient and never given ultimatums but I think I need to make a decision sooner rather than later.

I wish you luck with your situation and hope it goes the way you want it too..



If you do decide to do it, you can try to do it in a way so that you're letting him make a decision, rather than you making a threat to leave if he doesn't act a certain way or choose a certain course. That way it's not as aggressive as an ultimatum because he has a choice and gets to decide the outcome.

Aquas are hard work and so confusing. I thought i loved mine too, but now I'm thinking i was in love with the idea of love, and the more i think about it, the more i realise there's not much to like if i am always uncertain of where i stand or if I'm not feeling important to him. It really feels like he doesn't even care except for the times we're physically with each other which isn't often because he works so much.

I'm not sure I'm ready to give up yet because i think deep down he does care and i want to try to dig it out so I'll try a little longer but in the end, you need to figure out how many of your needs are actually being met by this man and if you can live with that, or if you're better off with someone who values your happiness as much as their own.

click to expand
Sorry to be a pain but..

Can you give me an example of how to do it so he is making the decision?

details
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by pinkbird03
Did anything bad happen recently in your relationship or to him personally?
His wife passed 2 years ago and has now become a single dad.
click to expand
I mean more recently like the last few months
details
Posted by pinkbird03
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by pinkbird03
Did anything bad happen recently in your relationship or to him personally?
His wife passed 2 years ago and has now become a single dad.
I mean more recently like the last few months
click to expand
We went away together for a weekend. He gave me the impression it was too much for him (as in too much of me). Couple of weeks later he went out one night and stayed out with mates that he hadn't seen in a while but when I asked about it and where he stayed, he became somewhat defensive and not long after that he started pulling away from me. Then the suggestion came as to whether I want to continue seeing him because he has had opportunities (with other women) but did not take them up because of me and as a result, wanted to know if i wanted to keep seeing him knowing he might be with others. I asked what he wanted and he said he wanted to keep seeing me and I said I did too.

He made it abundantly clear at the start that he didn't care whether I saw other people or not and I shouldn't care if he did either. I said I don't work like that. But this time he reiterated it like he was almost telling me to walk away because his is going to see other people.

Maybe reading into it too much. Maybe he is bored with me. Maybe it all became too much.

I just don't know anymore.
details
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by LadyNeptune
18 months and your not official...why’s that?
I wish I could answer that. He knows what i want but he did loose his partner 2 years ago so not sure if he's completely healed. He has throughout the 18months said "i wanted to take it to the next level but..." then give me a reason which i now look as though it was an excuse...to by time? Because I'm not good enough? Dont know. I know his family. We've been away together on weekends 4 times in the last 18months but after the last one, things changed especially after he went out one night with mates he hadnt seen for ages too. He didn't devulge too much as to what went on. I asked but he got defensive and said "why are you asking".. so, dont know
click to expand
hasn't completely healed?

some of those men will never heal to have a serious relationship..

User Submitted Image
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Posted by lisabethur8
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by LadyNeptune
18 months and your not official...why’s that?
I wish I could answer that. He knows what i want but he did loose his partner 2 years ago so not sure if he's completely healed. He has throughout the 18months said "i wanted to take it to the next level but..." then give me a reason which i now look as though it was an excuse...to by time? Because I'm not good enough? Dont know. I know his family. We've been away together on weekends 4 times in the last 18months but after the last one, things changed especially after he went out one night with mates he hadnt seen for ages too. He didn't devulge too much as to what went on. I asked but he got defensive and said "why are you asking".. so, dont know
hasn't completely healed?

some of those men will never heal to have a serious relationship..

User Submitted Image
click to expand
I do believe he hasn't healed and I am being to think that fear too holds him back from getting too close to anyone again as he wouldn't want to lose them too.?

details
Posted by Leo188881
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by Leo188881
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by Leo188881
Posted by Gemgal101
I appreciate everyone's input here. I'm so lost I still don't know what to do. I guess I have to decide what I need to do for me which might not be what I want....I'm just very emotionally exhausted at the moment...

Don't always get what you want...Sad
What you do depends on how prepared you are to lose him. If it hurts more to feel lonely in your relationship, than it is to be alone and single, maybe it's worth making a hard decision. You can try giving him the option of either stepping up to be the man you deserve or letting you go to set you free. It might hurt and you might not get what you hoped for, but it's something to consider. I think I'm getting close to this point with my Aqua too. I feel like I hold back telling him how I'm feeling because i read too much about his stupid star sign and I've tried to accept the Aqua aloofness instead of treating him like a regular guy that's being inconsiderate or cold.
I came to this forum to try to get a better understanding of who he is because I've never met anyone like him. It's helped me understand that what he does day to day is what is seen in other Aquarian too but I hear what your saying in that I should treat him like a regular guy and not feel like I can't say what I need to say for fear of him walking away. The last few weeks before he left were horrible for me because I did feel like we kinda broke up without breaking up. I love him very much and I can't just switch off like he can but I can't keep feeling like this. I am expecting this to not end well in the sense that he'll just want friendship and be quite aloof about it but feeling lonely in a relationship (even an unofficial one) hurts.

.

I have been patient and never given ultimatums but I think I need to make a decision sooner rather than later.

I wish you luck with your situation and hope it goes the way you want it too..



If you do decide to do it, you can try to do it in a way so that you're letting him make a decision, rather than you making a threat to leave if he doesn't act a certain way or choose a certain course. That way it's not as aggressive as an ultimatum because he has a choice and gets to decide the outcome.

Aquas are hard work and so confusing. I thought i loved mine too, but now I'm thinking i was in love with the idea of love, and the more i think about it, the more i realise there's not much to like if i am always uncertain of where i stand or if I'm not feeling important to him. It really feels like he doesn't even care except for the times we're physically with each other which isn't often because he works so much.

I'm not sure I'm ready to give up yet because i think deep down he does care and i want to try to dig it out so I'll try a little longer but in the end, you need to figure out how many of your needs are actually being met by this man and if you can live with that, or if you're better off with someone who values your happiness as much as their own.

Sorry to be a pain but..

Can you give me an example of how to do it so he is making the decision?

An ultimatum is giving one choice and a threat... if you don't make more time and effort for me, I'm going to leave you or find someone else


Options means he has 2 choices... do you want to continue to see me, and work towards a future together or would you like us to go our separate ways?

If he responds with i don't know, you will need to decide if you want to give him time to think about it and decide or if you want to tell him that if he's not sure about you, then to let you go because holding on to uncertainty and having no direction hurts too much and is unfair on you.

click to expand
Thank you. Guess just wait until he gets back and talk face to face. Still a couple of weeks away for that to happen but hope can just keep it together until then. Just hate being in limbo but that's partially my fault I guess...

details
Posted by Leo188881
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by Leo188881
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by Leo188881
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by Leo188881
Posted by Gemgal101
I appreciate everyone's input here. I'm so lost I still don't know what to do. I guess I have to decide what I need to do for me which might not be what I want....I'm just very emotionally exhausted at the moment...

Don't always get what you want...Sad
What you do depends on how prepared you are to lose him. If it hurts more to feel lonely in your relationship, than it is to be alone and single, maybe it's worth making a hard decision. You can try giving him the option of either stepping up to be the man you deserve or letting you go to set you free. It might hurt and you might not get what you hoped for, but it's something to consider. I think I'm getting close to this point with my Aqua too. I feel like I hold back telling him how I'm feeling because i read too much about his stupid star sign and I've tried to accept the Aqua aloofness instead of treating him like a regular guy that's being inconsiderate or cold.
I came to this forum to try to get a better understanding of who he is because I've never met anyone like him. It's helped me understand that what he does day to day is what is seen in other Aquarian too but I hear what your saying in that I should treat him like a regular guy and not feel like I can't say what I need to say for fear of him walking away. The last few weeks before he left were horrible for me because I did feel like we kinda broke up without breaking up. I love him very much and I can't just switch off like he can but I can't keep feeling like this. I am expecting this to not end well in the sense that he'll just want friendship and be quite aloof about it but feeling lonely in a relationship (even an unofficial one) hurts.

.

I have been patient and never given ultimatums but I think I need to make a decision sooner rather than later.

I wish you luck with your situation and hope it goes the way you want it too..



If you do decide to do it, you can try to do it in a way so that you're letting him make a decision, rather than you making a threat to leave if he doesn't act a certain way or choose a certain course. That way it's not as aggressive as an ultimatum because he has a choice and gets to decide the outcome.

Aquas are hard work and so confusing. I thought i loved mine too, but now I'm thinking i was in love with the idea of love, and the more i think about it, the more i realise there's not much to like if i am always uncertain of where i stand or if I'm not feeling important to him. It really feels like he doesn't even care except for the times we're physically with each other which isn't often because he works so much.

I'm not sure I'm ready to give up yet because i think deep down he does care and i want to try to dig it out so I'll try a little longer but in the end, you need to figure out how many of your needs are actually being met by this man and if you can live with that, or if you're better off with someone who values your happiness as much as their own.

Sorry to be a pain but..

Can you give me an example of how to do it so he is making the decision?

An ultimatum is giving one choice and a threat... if you don't make more time and effort for me, I'm going to leave you or find someone else


Options means he has 2 choices... do you want to continue to see me, and work towards a future together or would you like us to go our separate ways?

If he responds with i don't know, you will need to decide if you want to give him time to think about it and decide or if you want to tell him that if he's not sure about you, then to let you go because holding on to uncertainty and having no direction hurts too much and is unfair on you.

Thank you. Guess just wait until he gets back and talk face to face. Still a couple of weeks away for that to happen but hope can just keep it together until then. Just hate being in limbo but that's partially my fault I guess...



Uncertainty sucks. You just have to keep yourself occupied until then I guess.

Sometimes I wonder if Aquas even consider the other person... i was thinking about how many people use this site asking what to do in their relationship or why their partner is acting a certain way and how to fix things or what to say. Aquas on the other hand, don't seem to ask for relationship advice. It's like their partner is expected to adapt to them without compromise. It's mysterious and fascinating yet irritating and frustrating.

click to expand
for myself i "fix" things on my own. i dont like to impose on other people. it's not my way. when i was suffering i never told anyone, i just prayed alot and cried.

and then stuff fell thrugh.

i never tell a soul.

cause i'm too ashamed to tell the world of the pain and suffering.

so i hold all the pain and suffering inside. it's how i was.

i'm good though, no pain and suffering...but if you really want to know the truth..i dont tell peeps.
details
Posted by Leo188881
Posted by lisabethur8
Posted by Leo188881
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by Leo188881
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by Leo188881
Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by Leo188881
Posted by Gemgal101
I appreciate everyone's input here. I'm so lost I still don't know what to do. I guess I have to decide what I need to do for me which might not be what I want....I'm just very emotionally exhausted at the moment...

Don't always get what you want...Sad
What you do depends on how prepared you are to lose him. If it hurts more to feel lonely in your relationship, than it is to be alone and single, maybe it's worth making a hard decision. You can try giving him the option of either stepping up to be the man you deserve or letting you go to set you free. It might hurt and you might not get what you hoped for, but it's something to consider. I think I'm getting close to this point with my Aqua too. I feel like I hold back telling him how I'm feeling because i read too much about his stupid star sign and I've tried to accept the Aqua aloofness instead of treating him like a regular guy that's being inconsiderate or cold.
I came to this forum to try to get a better understanding of who he is because I've never met anyone like him. It's helped me understand that what he does day to day is what is seen in other Aquarian too but I hear what your saying in that I should treat him like a regular guy and not feel like I can't say what I need to say for fear of him walking away. The last few weeks before he left were horrible for me because I did feel like we kinda broke up without breaking up. I love him very much and I can't just switch off like he can but I can't keep feeling like this. I am expecting this to not end well in the sense that he'll just want friendship and be quite aloof about it but feeling lonely in a relationship (even an unofficial one) hurts.

.

I have been patient and never given ultimatums but I think I need to make a decision sooner rather than later.

I wish you luck with your situation and hope it goes the way you want it too..



If you do decide to do it, you can try to do it in a way so that you're letting him make a decision, rather than you making a threat to leave if he doesn't act a certain way or choose a certain course. That way it's not as aggressive as an ultimatum because he has a choice and gets to decide the outcome.

Aquas are hard work and so confusing. I thought i loved mine too, but now I'm thinking i was in love with the idea of love, and the more i think about it, the more i realise there's not much to like if i am always uncertain of where i stand or if I'm not feeling important to him. It really feels like he doesn't even care except for the times we're physically with each other which isn't often because he works so much.

I'm not sure I'm ready to give up yet because i think deep down he does care and i want to try to dig it out so I'll try a little longer but in the end, you need to figure out how many of your needs are actually being met by this man and if you can live with that, or if you're better off with someone who values your happiness as much as their own.

Sorry to be a pain but..

Can you give me an example of how to do it so he is making the decision?

An ultimatum is giving one choice and a threat... if you don't make more time and effort for me, I'm going to leave you or find someone else


Options means he has 2 choices... do you want to continue to see me, and work towards a future together or would you like us to go our separate ways?

If he responds with i don't know, you will need to decide if you want to give him time to think about it and decide or if you want to tell him that if he's not sure about you, then to let you go because holding on to uncertainty and having no direction hurts too much and is unfair on you.

Thank you. Guess just wait until he gets back and talk face to face. Still a couple of weeks away for that to happen but hope can just keep it together until then. Just hate being in limbo but that's partially my fault I guess...



Uncertainty sucks. You just have to keep yourself occupied until then I guess.

Sometimes I wonder if Aquas even consider the other person... i was thinking about how many people use this site asking what to do in their relationship or why their partner is acting a certain way and how to fix things or what to say. Aquas on the other hand, don't seem to ask for relationship advice. It's like their partner is expected to adapt to them without compromise. It's mysterious and fascinating yet irritating and frustrating.

for myself i "fix" things on my own. i dont like to impose on other people. it's not my way. when i was suffering i never told anyone, i just prayed alot and cried.

and then stuff fell thrugh.

i never tell a soul.

cause i'm too ashamed to tell the world of the pain and suffering.

so i hold all the pain and suffering inside. it's how i was.

i'm good though, no pain and suffering...but if you really want to know the truth..i dont tell peeps.


If you're upset in your relationship, do you tell your partner what is bothering you to give him an opportunity to work on it with you, or do you just withdraw into yourself and allow them to walk away without ever really knowing that deep down you cared but couldn't show it?

click to expand
we are always confrontational and confront stuff with everything..that's why it's easily "fixed"

if you let stuff fester you will never resolve stuff and it is not good and will break anyone's relationship.

you will always keep it deep inside.

you must always be open and honest and not go to anyone else. it should always be to eachother. that's why its called a relationshp. it's a relationship together not with other peeps.



but in the past i couldnt do that because it's hard to resolve drug addiction heroin addict alcoholism when the other person doens't want, or abuse because you are taught that if you talk about it and confront you're gonna get a punch in the face and a beating.
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