Too late with my Aqua ex?

Hi all,

I’m new to the forum but have been perusing the last week or so. I have a bit of a long story, if any of you can offer insight.

Background:

Me: 34(f), sun: scorp, ascend: leo, moon: gemini, venus & mars: libra

Ex: 35(m), sun: aqua, ascend: gemini, moon: scorp, venus & mars: pisces

I broke up with my boyfriend 5 weeks ago, after having dated for almost 3 years. I was officially his GF (after about 2 months of dating) and we exchanged I love you after about 3.5 months of dating. We exchanged keys at 1 year and he mentioned moving in at 2 years. During grad school, I would go up to his place (20 min drive from me) for maybe 4/5 days at a time. This last October he said he was not ready to think about marriage without living together first. I felt uncomfortable doing that without commitment, especially with the amount of time I had already spent at his place with him - so he said he’d come live by me. By January, he was here 5/6 days a week but would not 100% move in and “abandon his condo” (we each own our own condos). By February, for various reasons, he was usually here 4 days a week each week. In April, he said he didn’t like living down here and asked me to start coming up by him again. I obliged but not happily. I felt like he was stalling especially since he wasn’t willing to consider alternatives to his place or mine. I need to be where I live because of work/family requirements, so it was somewhat an unnecessary and unfair requirement to have me up by him. He said he was willing to consider alternatives but didn’t actually entertain any ideas.

I was getting increasingly more upset thinking that he kept moving the parameters about marriage. I was okay with not getting married now, but need some level of commitment after 3 years.

So, 6 weeks ago (Sunday, 5/6) he said that he hadn't really thought about marriage (in terms of planning on weddings and the like), that he wasn't ready for marriage, he saw "potentially" marrying me, but when I asked if he wasn't ready to get married or to say it's me, he said that they were "one in the same". After that, I was completely shocked. While I thought me might not be ready, I thought he would've been ready to say that he saw me as his future. The signs were there - we were spending 4/5 days a week together, had each other's keys, had mostly lived together, we had merged families for parties/holidays and generally were very compatible. I like affection and time together, but with school and work, I’m equally okay with alone time. After he said what he did, I did not say much - I was in shock. We did not speak much the rest of that night, but I did say that I was going to call off double date we had planned with friends later that week - he had a surprised look on his face but said "okay". Neither he nor I followed up on the conversation.

The next day, we didn't say much but he did text. He said that he'd still like for me to come up to his condo that week, but understood if I didn't want to - I did not respond. He then texted once more on Monday asking if I was ok, the same again on Tuesday, and again on Wednesday. On Wednesday, after ignoring the texts on Monday and Tuesday, I responded to him with "After our discussion on Sunday, where you said you didn't see a future with me, I need to reevaluate my wants and needs." He did not respond or text me at all after that. The next Monday (5/14), I sent him a break up email ending the relationship because we did not want the same thing. He responded and he apologized for not being able to give me what I want, and that he would miss me.

Since then, on 6/3 I texting wishing his mom a good recovery from surgery. He responded by saying “she’s doing well, thank you” but did not extend the convo. I emailed 6/7 and apologized for having not spoken to him immediately before the breakup and that I was too hurt and frustrated to know what I say. I had asked if we could get together. He responded 4 days later (I figured he waited until after my grad sch graduation) saying that after the breakup email, that there was finality to our relationship and he tried to process that and start the grieving/moving forward process. He said IF that changes, then he'd reach out.

He and I did have some communication issues while dating. From October - April, he's not responded to me or texted me for an entire weekend, 3 times because of text messages between us (status updates on moving in). He has a habit of burying his head when anything gets rough, then a few days later he'll be fine and the issue will not be addressed. He would deflect back on to me. I’d usually call him on the BS at which point he sometimes would kind of apologize.

He and I are still friends on Facebook, I'm also still friends with his family, and they have not "untagged" any of our pictures/statuses. His aunt/Godmother still likes and comments on my FB status, and had chatted via FB messenger with my mom about the breakup, said she liked me and was happy to have met us and asked my mom to get drinks. She said that he did not mention details about the breakup and how he could be very quiet. He’s a bit of a loner and has only had 1 other (year long) relationship before. Most of his friends are 4+ hours away, so I’m not sure how much he’s shared with them.

He said he wasn't ready to marry me and didn't clarify that he at least saw a future with me. As a result, I was so hurt and confused that I felt that I needed to end the relationship. I do miss him and the good times that we had. I am not sure if from an outside perspective, if the relationship is worth salving. Most of my friends/family say that after 3 years, I'm wasting my time. 1 of my friends says that this could be an issue of communication issues, him shutting down, and then me ending it without having more of a discussion.

At this point, I did try to reach out and he didn’t seem interested. I’m sure he’s hurt, he certainly knows I am. He never emoted and told me over the years he had a hard time expressing what he felt. Do I give him another month and try calling? Or should I give up because he’s not interested? Or is it even worth “trying to reconnect” because after 3 years he still “isn’t ready”?

Tldr

You're too demanding with the marriage thing. He's not ready means he's not ready.

Maybe he didn't see you as housewife material yet?

Well, sometimes people just stay together out of convenience rather then because they really want to. Is he an ambitious guy? Self-motivator?

I know it hurts, but did he ever truly discuss future with you, like let’s do this when we retire, etc...

And are you truly happy with him or are you settling🤔

him shutting down, and then me ending it without having more of a discussion.

Go talk to this friend.

Or you know do the whole communication thing

"Hey I'm sorry that I just ignored the fuck out of you then broke up with you but what you said really hurt me, the part about not seeing a future with me. Perhaps I understood differently to what you meant, I really miss you can we have a talk?"

@AerialView: I definitely think I was too demanding with the marriage thing. That's my own timeline/obsessive planning butter that I'm trying to deal with and live more in the now. He may not have seen me as wife material - I cook, I clean, I listen/give advice & of course all of the other goodies. Both good points. Is it worth contacting him again, and maybe calling?

@Moonbutter: He was never overly ambitious. He's a hard worker, but isn't motivated or even a self-starter. We started dating while I changed careers and landed a job with a top accounting firm in the world. He's switched jobs twice, applied for 2-3 but isn't motivated enough to expand his job search beyond a narrow field. He isn't a planner, but always planned our yearly trip down to our shared alma mater for homecoming. He doesn't plan with his family either. He would plan when we would get together but that's about it. I might be settling, but maybe with improved communication, things would be better?

@aquasnoz: This is the only friend who actually encouraged me to not cut him off entirely and just ghost him. If he said he wasn't ready to meet, is it worth it to try calling?

Posted by MsScorp07
@AerialView: I definitely think I was too demanding with the marriage thing. That's my own timeline/obsessive planning butter that I'm trying to deal with and live more in the now. He may not have seen me as wife material - I cook, I clean, I listen/give advice & of course all of the other goodies. Both good points. Is it worth contacting him again, and maybe calling?

@Moonbutter: He was never overly ambitious. He's a hard worker, but isn't motivated or even a self-starter. We started dating while I changed careers and landed a job with a top accounting firm in the world. He's switched jobs twice, applied for 2-3 but isn't motivated enough to expand his job search beyond a narrow field. He isn't a planner, but always planned our yearly trip down to our shared alma mater for homecoming. He doesn't plan with his family either. He would plan when we would get together but that's about it. I might be settling, but maybe with improved communication, things would be better?

@aquasnoz: This is the only friend who actually encouraged me to not cut him off entirely and just ghost him. If he said he wasn't ready to meet, is it worth it to try calling?

He's the same age as me hence the same Venus and Mars.

Definitely worth to contact him again.

@AerialView: Thank you for the advice and your honesty. I'll reach out once I figure out what to say other than "I'm sorry, I was an overzealous _________"

@peachy06: I agree, I definitely did sabotage this. I'm not 100% sure I want to get married either, and I'm indifferent to having children (former teacher here). I started getting...pressure from family that "maybe it's time" and "just think what it means that you're NOT...". I should've just done what I felt okay with and let it go instead of listening to paranoid advice. As much as I like spending time with someone, I crave alone time which is probably why he and I lasted as long as we did.

Posted by MsScorp07
@AerialView: Thank you for the advice and your honesty. I'll reach out once I figure out what to say other than "I'm sorry, I was an overzealous _________"

@peachy06: I agree, I definitely did sabotage this. I'm not 100% sure I want to get married either, and I'm indifferent to having children (former teacher here). I started getting...pressure from family that "maybe it's time" and "just think what it means that you're NOT...". I should've just done what I felt okay with and let it go instead of listening to paranoid advice. As much as I like spending time with someone, I crave alone time which is probably why he and I lasted as long as we did.

No rush 😉 take your time.

All the best.

@MsScorp07

Yeah I would if you really value this relationship.

I've had something similar happen to me before (this is just me trying to relate as a pisces mars). Yeah I was upset and felt I was completely mistaken without given a chance but eh what can you do but to just get on with life. And this is speaking about Pisces Mars from a typical standpoint: they are not known to justify themselves, they'll just dust it off and forget about it.

Posted by aquasnoz
@MsScorp07

Yeah I was upset and felt I was completely mistaken without given a chance but eh what can you do but to just get on with life.

@aquasnoz: The one friend who has been really helpful during this said that exact same thing. For the most part, that is his temperament. I figure it's probably better to wait another month before reaching out. His email back to me said he did not want to meet up as I had suggested. Im hoping, maybe in a month he'll feel more inclined to talk. Thank you for your words of wisdom.

aquarius men take so long to commit... but when they do, they really all in.

i think it's also saturn, their co-ruler...they stalk and check u out for a long time. And u'll even get some wishy washyness, but he always comes back if they know u have so many qualities they like, and even can't live without.

but it's that co-ruler saturn that has that fear factor. u gotta show him u are serious, do things for him too.

they like that alot, they like generosity and kindness.

it takes time...so i would stick around...if you love him.

Lol at housewife material

Sounds like the fecking 1950s

Lol

@lisabethur8: Thank you for the insight! It's hard because my dad was an Aqua...but a "different" aqua. He knew with my mom quickly. Engaged in 2 months, married within the year, but that was also 1977. They were married 33 years, until his passing in 2010. I have sometimes, *somewhat...ridiculously high expectations*, which I'm trying to deal with. It's been an issue in past relationships and definitely something I need to SERIOUSLY work on.

@MyStarsShine: I was laughing as I typed all of that too. All I need is my standing weekly appointment at the beauty parlor & the gorgeous wardrobe and I'd be set!

@ACsquarepluto: Thank you! Hopefully that in a month or so, he'll want to talk. Until then, I just need to continue working on my own issues.

If a guy is into you, he wont have second thoughts to marry u. ready or not, u guys should have talk about it tho its just a dream of having future together (fun chit chat) e.g dream wedding, future plans, etc. He supposed to say “us” together in the future. I’d say to believe what he says to u, hes not ready, not thinkin about marriage. Move on n dont waste another years n years to find out hes not ready once again.

Posted by swagnotforsale
If a guy is into you, he wont have second thoughts to marry u. ready or not, u guys should have talk about it tho its just a dream of having future together (fun chit chat) e.g dream wedding, future plans, etc. He supposed to say “us” together in the future. I’d say to believe what he says to u, hes not ready, not thinkin about marriage. Move on n dont waste another years n years to find out hes not ready once again.

@AerialView, @Moonbutter, @aquasnoz: I had wondered this too. So, I'm not ready to get married myself, but I do want to at some point. I do wonder if after 3 years, he just "wasn't that into me". Sometimes I'd mention the future, marriage/wedding or kids, and he never shied away or seemed put off. It was usually a discussion. He didn't seem like the type to just date purely for the goodies, but I do wonder. Do you guys have any insight whether guy, experience or astrology based?

Posted by MsScorp07

Posted by swagnotforsale
If a guy is into you, he wont have second thoughts to marry u. ready or not, u guys should have talk about it tho its just a dream of having future together (fun chit chat) e.g dream wedding, future plans, etc. He supposed to say “us” together in the future. I’d say to believe what he says to u, hes not ready, not thinkin about marriage. Move on n dont waste another years n years to find out hes not ready once again.

@AerialView, @Moonbutter, @aquasnoz: I had wondered this too. So, I'm not ready to get married myself, but I do want to at some point. I do wonder if after 3 years, he just "wasn't that into me". Sometimes I'd mention the future, marriage/wedding or kids, and he never shied away or seemed put off. It was usually a discussion. He didn't seem like the type to just date purely for the goodies, but I do wonder. Do you guys have any insight whether guy, experience or astrology based?

click to expand

Does he talk about the future with you, like when we are old together, vacations you want to go in together, retirement and what your futures look like together? Trust me when I say it’s really hard to figure out if he’s really the one and sees that future with you until you look back on these things and/or find the person who does these things without being prompted. I experienced this with an Aqua moon guy who did everything to maintain the relationship but it always felt off and we were constantly butting heads on issues. Turns out we just were not on the same page and looking back, the relationship of 3 years was mainly present not future. What does your gut tell you? Is something off? Is there something missing from the relationship aside from marriage?

@Moonbutter: Thinking about it the only things he ever mentioned were going down to homecoming, concerts, and family parties. I had mentioned going to Ireland in a year (once my bills from grad school are paid off) - he had seemed excited about that. Last fall, after homecoming, he had mentioned us going down to see friends of his when I had a break from school...we hadn't done that since I had a death in the family, then I was back in school. In terms of the other big things - he didn't talk about when we grew old or retirement. He never mentioned what he thought our future looked like at all beyond spending time together.

From about December-May, he was pretty good about spending time together. Usually, 4 days a week. Sometimes more, sometimes less based on if I needed alone time or if he had stuff to do. Whenever he had "stuff to do" he'd usually ask if I wanted to come up by him so I could study there. I was happy for the most part this last winter, but my gut was telling me that he wasn't ready for the next step and that just made me feel incredibly insecure. Because of my own issues, I didn't appropriately address that with him...until I broke it off.

Your story is a cautionary tale of what happens when you start listening to the chirping of people not involved in your relationship.

Look at the friends and family members that are the loudest. Do they themselves have the skillset to maintain long term relationships? Or are they with different people quite a bit? I'd probably venture to say they haven't maintained anything long term. If that is the case, do not take what they say as anything other than a grain of salt, because they dont have the experience of wherewithal to give you criticism that will improve your relationship. Only hurt it, as they hurt their own chances.

Don't let other people into your relationship. And most of all, if you want it to work out, fight for it. He's more than likely very hurt and doesn't want to talk because you essentially ignored him and then you further exasperated it by not even giving him the respect to break up in person, but through an email. For him, it looks like he didn't matter enough to you at all.

Scorpio moons are probably one of the most emotional moons there is, they just won't publicize it. They feel deeply and to the core. You've likely devastated him.

Posted by MsScorp07
@Moonbutter: Thinking about it the only things he ever mentioned were going down to homecoming, concerts, and family parties. I had mentioned going to Ireland in a year (once my bills from grad school are paid off) - he had seemed excited about that. Last fall, after homecoming, he had mentioned us going down to see friends of his when I had a break from school...we hadn't done that since I had a death in the family, then I was back in school. In terms of the other big things - he didn't talk about when we grew old or retirement. He never mentioned what he thought our future looked like at all beyond spending time together.

From about December-May, he was pretty good about spending time together. Usually, 4 days a week. Sometimes more, sometimes less based on if I needed alone time or if he had stuff to do. Whenever he had "stuff to do" he'd usually ask if I wanted to come up by him so I could study there. I was happy for the most part this last winter, but my gut was telling me that he wasn't ready for the next step and that just made me feel incredibly insecure. Because of my own issues, I didn't appropriately address that with him...until I broke it off.

It’s one of 2 things: do you feel deep down you belong together but have random moments of doubt that quickly go away or do you feel a knowing that you are not meant to be/something’s off but you have temporary moments he says/does something that you question your doubts? Sorry if that was confusing 😆

Posted by nikkistar
Your story is a cautionary tale of what happens when you start listening to the chirping of people not involved in your relationship.

Look at the friends and family members that are the loudest. Do they themselves have the skillset to maintain long term relationships? Or are they with different people quite a bit? I'd probably venture to say they haven't maintained anything long term. If that is the case, do not take what they say as anything other than a grain of salt, because they dont have the experience of wherewithal to give you criticism that will improve your relationship. Only hurt it, as they hurt their own chances.

Don't let other people into your relationship. And most of all, if you want it to work out, fight for it. He's more than likely very hurt and doesn't want to talk because you essentially ignored him and then you further exasperated it by not even giving him the respect to break up in person, but through an email. For him, it looks like he didn't matter enough to you at all.

Scorpio moons are probably one of the most emotional moons there is, they just won't publicize it. They feel deeply and to the core. You've likely devastated him.

It's funny that you mention that. The people who've commented the most and loudest are the ones with the most messed up relationships. The one person who has really helped me keep a level head has had a number of bad breakups and whatnot, but she's been level headed and not jumped to bash him, and like you, helped me see his perspective. Sadly, that week where I ignored him, I was too caught up in what he had told me, to listen to the two people who did say to reach out. I'm hoping that if I reach out and call him in another month, maybe he'll be willing to talk. Do you have any words of wisdom for dealing with a hurt Scorpio moon?

@Moonbutter: Honestly, that's what I've been struggling with. Sometimes, he is no where NEAR empathetic enough for me...which triggers my insecurities from previous relationships (and probably some stuff I grew up with). I can honestly see being with him...one of the reasons why I liked him is because I could just BE with him and be still/calm. Normally, when not relationship related, he was able to calm me down easily.

BUT, some of his traits (selfishness, unwillingness or inability to see my perspective, and deflecting/disappearing) got old. That didn't happen too often, and usually only did when my insecurity over "where is this going and when" took hold. Some days I think I legitimately miss him and other days, I think it's fear of not finding someone and starting over again. The second that I think one thing, the other part of my brain comes in with something to make me see another side. I'm kind of hoping that in writing this out here, journaling, and giving it another month, maybe I'll have more insight?

Posted by MsScorp07

Posted by nikkistar
Your story is a cautionary tale of what happens when you start listening to the chirping of people not involved in your relationship.

Look at the friends and family members that are the loudest. Do they themselves have the skillset to maintain long term relationships? Or are they with different people quite a bit? I'd probably venture to say they haven't maintained anything long term. If that is the case, do not take what they say as anything other than a grain of salt, because they dont have the experience of wherewithal to give you criticism that will improve your relationship. Only hurt it, as they hurt their own chances.

Don't let other people into your relationship. And most of all, if you want it to work out, fight for it. He's more than likely very hurt and doesn't want to talk because you essentially ignored him and then you further exasperated it by not even giving him the respect to break up in person, but through an email. For him, it looks like he didn't matter enough to you at all.

Scorpio moons are probably one of the most emotional moons there is, they just won't publicize it. They feel deeply and to the core. You've likely devastated him.

It's funny that you mention that. The people who've commented the most and loudest are the ones with the most messed up relationships. The one person who has really helped me keep a level head has had a number of bad breakups and whatnot, but she's been level headed and not jumped to bash him, and like you, helped me see his perspective. Sadly, that week where I ignored him, I was too caught up in what he had told me, to listen to the two people who did say to reach out. I'm hoping that if I reach out and call him in another month, maybe he'll be willing to talk. Do you have any words of wisdom for dealing with a hurt Scorpio moon?

click to expand

I wouldn't wait a month to contact him, that's one thing. If you want you're relationship to work, then sometimes you will have to step out of your own comfort zone. I am not saying he never made mistakes, but you're going to have to break through the wall he's built to protect himself.

Work for it, just as you would expect him to work for you as well. If it all works out though, be sure to not forget to also tell him your wants and needs as well. Cause yours are just as important as his.

Posted by BondGirl007
I have been through this with my aqua ex. In reality, some people want to get married and some dont. There is no point in being with someone who is not in the same page as you are. But the most important part is YOU and knowing if this is a deal breaker for you or not. Dont settledown because everybody told you. Settledown because its what you feel deep in your heart. I know some people who arent married and dont have kids and still are together and happy. Some marriages fall apart. Some people get together without marriage and have kids.

I left my aqua ex because I felt deep in my heart that I want marriage and kids. And he didnt. It wasnt like we were just new. We were together for 4 years and 6 mos. So it was really decision making time. There is no shame in wanting or not wanting marriage. We are all looking for something that will last.

This has been one of my biggest problems; I'm not certain I do want to get married. Sometimes I think I do and other times I don't. I like being able to come and go as I please but having together time, some weeks more than others. I changed careers during our relationship and am entering a very stressful and fast paced industry. Sometimes, after a long day, I just liked being alone with my tv shows and dog. Thank you for your insight. Definitely some thinking to do.

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by MsScorp07

Posted by nikkistar
Your story is a cautionary tale of what happens when you start listening to the chirping of people not involved in your relationship.

Look at the friends and family members that are the loudest. Do they themselves have the skillset to maintain long term relationships? Or are they with different people quite a bit? I'd probably venture to say they haven't maintained anything long term. If that is the case, do not take what they say as anything other than a grain of salt, because they dont have the experience of wherewithal to give you criticism that will improve your relationship. Only hurt it, as they hurt their own chances.

Don't let other people into your relationship. And most of all, if you want it to work out, fight for it. He's more than likely very hurt and doesn't want to talk because you essentially ignored him and then you further exasperated it by not even giving him the respect to break up in person, but through an email. For him, it looks like he didn't matter enough to you at all.

Scorpio moons are probably one of the most emotional moons there is, they just won't publicize it. They feel deeply and to the core. You've likely devastated him.

It's funny that you mention that. The people who've commented the most and loudest are the ones with the most messed up relationships. The one person who has really helped me keep a level head has had a number of bad breakups and whatnot, but she's been level headed and not jumped to bash him, and like you, helped me see his perspective. Sadly, that week where I ignored him, I was too caught up in what he had told me, to listen to the two people who did say to reach out. I'm hoping that if I reach out and call him in another month, maybe he'll be willing to talk. Do you have any words of wisdom for dealing with a hurt Scorpio moon?

I wouldn't wait a month to contact him, that's one thing. If you want you're relationship to work, then sometimes you will have to step out of your own comfort zone. I am not saying he never made mistakes, but you're going to have to break through the wall he's built to protect himself.

Work for it, just as you would expect him to work for you as well. If it all works out though, be sure to not forget to also tell him your wants and needs as well. Cause yours are just as important as his.

click to expand

I do wonder too, I'm on FB and still friends with him, his brother, his mom and his aunt/Godmother. His aunt and I always got along really well...she and my mom have messaged back and forth a little since the breakup. Part of me had wondered about reaching out to her too, just to get some insight in how to proceed with him.

Posted by MsScorp07

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by MsScorp07

Posted by nikkistar
Your story is a cautionary tale of what happens when you start listening to the chirping of people not involved in your relationship.

Look at the friends and family members that are the loudest. Do they themselves have the skillset to maintain long term relationships? Or are they with different people quite a bit? I'd probably venture to say they haven't maintained anything long term. If that is the case, do not take what they say as anything other than a grain of salt, because they dont have the experience of wherewithal to give you criticism that will improve your relationship. Only hurt it, as they hurt their own chances.

Don't let other people into your relationship. And most of all, if you want it to work out, fight for it. He's more than likely very hurt and doesn't want to talk because you essentially ignored him and then you further exasperated it by not even giving him the respect to break up in person, but through an email. For him, it looks like he didn't matter enough to you at all.

Scorpio moons are probably one of the most emotional moons there is, they just won't publicize it. They feel deeply and to the core. You've likely devastated him.

It's funny that you mention that. The people who've commented the most and loudest are the ones with the most messed up relationships. The one person who has really helped me keep a level head has had a number of bad breakups and whatnot, but she's been level headed and not jumped to bash him, and like you, helped me see his perspective. Sadly, that week where I ignored him, I was too caught up in what he had told me, to listen to the two people who did say to reach out. I'm hoping that if I reach out and call him in another month, maybe he'll be willing to talk. Do you have any words of wisdom for dealing with a hurt Scorpio moon?

I wouldn't wait a month to contact him, that's one thing. If you want you're relationship to work, then sometimes you will have to step out of your own comfort zone. I am not saying he never made mistakes, but you're going to have to break through the wall he's built to protect himself.

Work for it, just as you would expect him to work for you as well. If it all works out though, be sure to not forget to also tell him your wants and needs as well. Cause yours are just as important as his.

I do wonder too, I'm on FB and still friends with him, his brother, his mom and his aunt/Godmother. His aunt and I always got along really well...she and my mom have messaged back and forth a little since the breakup. Part of me had wondered about reaching out to her too, just to get some insight in how to proceed with him.

click to expand

I think directly talking to him is the best route to go. Adding additional people has a by product of possible miscommunication.

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by MsScorp07

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by MsScorp07

Posted by nikkistar
Your story is a cautionary tale of what happens when you start listening to the chirping of people not involved in your relationship.

Look at the friends and family members that are the loudest. Do they themselves have the skillset to maintain long term relationships? Or are they with different people quite a bit? I'd probably venture to say they haven't maintained anything long term. If that is the case, do not take what they say as anything other than a grain of salt, because they dont have the experience of wherewithal to give you criticism that will improve your relationship. Only hurt it, as they hurt their own chances.

Don't let other people into your relationship. And most of all, if you want it to work out, fight for it. He's more than likely very hurt and doesn't want to talk because you essentially ignored him and then you further exasperated it by not even giving him the respect to break up in person, but through an email. For him, it looks like he didn't matter enough to you at all.

Scorpio moons are probably one of the most emotional moons there is, they just won't publicize it. They feel deeply and to the core. You've likely devastated him.

It's funny that you mention that. The people who've commented the most and loudest are the ones with the most messed up relationships. The one person who has really helped me keep a level head has had a number of bad breakups and whatnot, but she's been level headed and not jumped to bash him, and like you, helped me see his perspective. Sadly, that week where I ignored him, I was too caught up in what he had told me, to listen to the two people who did say to reach out. I'm hoping that if I reach out and call him in another month, maybe he'll be willing to talk. Do you have any words of wisdom for dealing with a hurt Scorpio moon?

I wouldn't wait a month to contact him, that's one thing. If you want you're relationship to work, then sometimes you will have to step out of your own comfort zone. I am not saying he never made mistakes, but you're going to have to break through the wall he's built to protect himself.

Work for it, just as you would expect him to work for you as well. If it all works out though, be sure to not forget to also tell him your wants and needs as well. Cause yours are just as important as his.

I do wonder too, I'm on FB and still friends with him, his brother, his mom and his aunt/Godmother. His aunt and I always got along really well...she and my mom have messaged back and forth a little since the breakup. Part of me had wondered about reaching out to her too, just to get some insight in how to proceed with him.

I think directly talking to him is the best route to go. Adding additional people has a by product of possible miscommunication.

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That's completely fair. I felt kind of...weird about talking to his family about him. That just seems almost below the belt. Thank you for the snap back to reality 😄

Posted by Waterbearerwearer

Posted by AerialView
Tldr

You're too demanding with the marriage thing. He's not ready means he's not ready.

Maybe he didn't see you as housewife material yet?

Moving the parameters of marriage—
I read that and the male version of myself was hiding inside a locked cupboard.

I love Scorp but one thing is certain, when they come up against Aqua not ready it’s always going down like the Berlin Wall.

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It killed me. It seemed that me spending 5/6 days a week up at his place wasn’t enough. So he wanted to move in together, fine. Then he said he didn’t like/couldn’t imagine seeing himself in the neighborhood where I live (and own my condo). THEN he said he wasn’t ready. This was between October 2017 - May 2018. He’s never lived with anyone before (nor have I). He used to say “Well, I don’t know what to expect or how these things go, I’ve never done this before.” What the funkybunch neither have I?!?! Adjust my expectations or move on?

Posted by Waterbearerwearer

Posted by MsScorp07

Posted by Waterbearerwearer

Posted by AerialView
Tldr

You're too demanding with the marriage thing. He's not ready means he's not ready.

Maybe he didn't see you as housewife material yet?

Moving the parameters of marriage—
I read that and the male version of myself was hiding inside a locked cupboard.

I love Scorp but one thing is certain, when they come up against Aqua not ready it’s always going down like the Berlin Wall.

It killed me. It seemed that me spending 5/6 days a week up ther wasn’t enough. So he wanted to move in together, fine. Then he said he didn’t like/couldn’t imagine seeing himself in the neighborhood where I live (and own my condo). THEN he said he wasn’t ready. This was between October 2017 - May 2018. He’s never lived with anyone before (nor have I). He used to say “Well, I don’t know what to expect or how these things go, I’ve never done this before.” What the funkybunch neither have I?!?! Adjust my expectations or move on?

2 fixed emo signs moving on ain’t happening be real. Try and examine your motives closely.., is there external pressures from family.
Are you feeling biologically ready which for men happens at glacial pace at times.

If he acts like your hubby now chances are he’s not going anywhere so it boils down to how much meaning you give the formality of being married over the true friendship love and joy experienced together generally.

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The only thing I felt 100% , was that I was happy with him until I felt timeline pressure based off of what other people said “should” happen after 2 years, 3 years, etc. The pressure wasn’t so much to get married but that it meant something if certain milestones didn’t happen and that just made me snap at him and made him RUUUUN. I’d like to reach out to him again, but I don’t know if he’ll take my call since he didn’t want to meet/talk when I emailed him on 6/7.

Posted by Waterbearerwearer

Posted by MsScorp07

Posted by Waterbearerwearer

Posted by MsScorp07

Posted by Waterbearerwearer

Posted by AerialView
Tldr

You're too demanding with the marriage thing. He's not ready means he's not ready.

Maybe he didn't see you as housewife material yet?

Moving the parameters of marriage—
I read that and the male version of myself was hiding inside a locked cupboard.

I love Scorp but one thing is certain, when they come up against Aqua not ready it’s always going down like the Berlin Wall.

It killed me. It seemed that me spending 5/6 days a week up ther wasn’t enough. So he wanted to move in together, fine. Then he said he didn’t like/couldn’t imagine seeing himself in the neighborhood where I live (and own my condo). THEN he said he wasn’t ready. This was between October 2017 - May 2018. He’s never lived with anyone before (nor have I). He used to say “Well, I don’t know what to expect or how these things go, I’ve never done this before.” What the funkybunch neither have I?!?! Adjust my expectations or move on?

2 fixed emo signs moving on ain’t happening be real. Try and examine your motives closely.., is there external pressures from family.
Are you feeling biologically ready which for men happens at glacial pace at times.

If he acts like your hubby now chances are he’s not going anywhere so it boils down to how much meaning you give the formality of being married over the true friendship love and joy experienced together generally.

The only thing I felt 100% , was that I was happy with him until I felt timeline pressure based off of what other people said “should” happen after 2 years, 3 years, etc. The pressure wasn’t so much to get married but that it meant something if certain milestones didn’t happen and that just made me snap at him and made him RUUUUN. I’d like to reach out to him again, but I don’t know if he’ll take my call since he didn’t want to meet/talk when I emailed him on 6/7.

Yeah I hear you. Aqua don’t roll with that societal pressure so he was bound to resist.

I don’t know if he will take you up on any offers to sit down cos I find it very difficult to compart mentalise hurt feelings with logic when I’m pissed and you Scorpio do that butter so well.

It’s a wait it out scenario. Let him miss you.

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That's completely fair. I need to figure out what I want in the process, too. Although he was a good guy, he had some immaturity issues that just got to be old. While I'm not the best at communicating, I at least try to - he doesn't he deflects and shuts down. Do aqua guys actually MISS their exes? The apparent coldness in his last email saying he didn't want to talk made me think he hated me. Or is that just how they show sadness?

I really really think he ws over you long ago n breathed a sigh of relief after ur email. Hence is reaction is passive. If he ws hurt i wd hv expected total silent treatment from him. I don't know why but my 6th sense tells me he already has eyes on someone. Do a little investigation by asking his aunt.

Posted by Catgirlpk
I really really think he ws over you long ago n breathed a sigh of relief after ur email. Hence is reaction is passive. If he ws hurt i wd hv expected total silent treatment from him. I don't know why but my 6th sense tells me he already has eyes on someone. Do a little investigation by asking his aunt.

That's entirely possible! Prior to me ending it, he hadn't been distant, elusive or anything. Everything seemed to be going well. But it might be something to consider asking his aunt. Thank you 🙂