What does he want?
This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by exam on Tuesday, April 21, 2009 and has 4 replies.
This Aqua guy I'm dating for 3 months now.We've known each other for 6 months.He said the "L" word after 2 months. We haven't had sex and I told him that I'll never do it with men I'm with. I believe in sex after marriage and it's my personal belief, nothing to do with social expectations, culture or religion (tell me old-fashioned, but that's who I am). He talked about marriage , again I told him to wait for a few years because I haven't finished my degree yet.Now he seems to be really disappointed and he told me that he's going to date another girl but he doesn't want to break up with me. I told him that he can go dating but we should break up first , that would be fair for the three of us since I can't give what he wants and he can't either. It's also unfair for a new girl he's going to date if his heart is not totally in it.He cried and said that I don't even give him a chance and always wants to leave him! I'm being rational here but I don't want to hurt him.I'm confused about what he wants? Now he keeps telling me that will I take him back if he breaks up with me. I said I don't know because maybe I will be with someone.I also don't go back to my exes because there is a reason for our breakups.Now whenever he holds me, he says something about break up with me , be with another girl and then break up with her to go back to me .I asked why we break up in the first place? He said he wants to be with both of us but he knows that he can't. Hence he has to break up with me to try with her but then he probably would realise that he made a mistake! What's wrong with this man? Is he a manipulator or is he just confused? Should I just break up with him and hide away from him for awhile? He seems not to be able to make up his mind of what he wants. I let him to make decision and he's not able to do anything. Maybe I should just hide from him, that would help him to make up his mind quicker?
pffft, He just wants to have his cake and eat it too.
The dramatics is just a way to get you to okay his gluttonous ways... he wants you to give him the green light.
Ugh, No. Continue with your rational and logical thinking. Dont bend your morals for his foolishness. He wants to go get laid and thats fine. He just needs to realize you wont be waiting around for him to have all his fun and come back to you.
The dramatics is just a way to get you to okay his gluttonous ways... he wants you to give him the green light.
Ugh, No. Continue with your rational and logical thinking. Dont bend your morals for his foolishness. He wants to go get laid and thats fine. He just needs to realize you wont be waiting around for him to have all his fun and come back to you.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You haven't even known this guy that long & he's already trying to give you ultimatums? Wow! Leave this guy the hell alone! First off, you have every right to have your morals & standards & any guy who truly wants you & what's best for you wouldn't want things any other way. This guy obviously can't handle the fact that you are strictly sticking to your code of not giving it up before marriage, but yet he keeps signing up for the same thing he can't handle. The question is not whether or not he's confused (b/c obviously he is). The question is ARE YOU CONFUSED? So many women would die to meet a man that showed his true colors & his manipulative side with no shame in his game, especially this early! This guy is plain out telling you that he's not content with just being with you in a commitment unless he can have all the benefits he really wants. So in other words, if he can't have you physically then there is no point in him staying with you at all. And for a gal that has such high standards (which is a good thing), I'd think that you'd easily be able to weed out guys like this. He TOLD you what he was all about. It's not like you're in a situation like most other women who have to find out LATER ON that the guy they were dating just wanted to have his cake & eat it too. WHEN A MAN ACTUALLY TELLS YOU WHO HE IS & WHAT HIS INTENTIONS ARE, BELIEVE HIM. No, don't go back &^ change his words, over-analyze what he said or deny it. Take it for what it is.
If this guy wants to go be with another woman, send him packing. If he was as head-sprung over you the way he says he is, there woulnd't even be a conversation had about another woman. Remember, when you love or atleast care for someone, you owe them the respect of being exclusive with you. This guy flat out & basically said "Oh & by the way, don't be suprised if I end up cheating on you w/ someone else. Oh and another thing, I don't think you're strong enough to leave me alone even if I did." If your friend were in this situation & she told you everything that you just told us in this post, what advice would you give to her. It seems like you already have the answer to your own question. You're just not ready to face the fact that this guy may not be worth anything. Be glad you're seeing the true colors so early on. Better 3 months, versus 3 years later, after you've had kids, a mortgage & a marriage with someone like that.
If this guy wants to go be with another woman, send him packing. If he was as head-sprung over you the way he says he is, there woulnd't even be a conversation had about another woman. Remember, when you love or atleast care for someone, you owe them the respect of being exclusive with you. This guy flat out & basically said "Oh & by the way, don't be suprised if I end up cheating on you w/ someone else. Oh and another thing, I don't think you're strong enough to leave me alone even if I did." If your friend were in this situation & she told you everything that you just told us in this post, what advice would you give to her. It seems like you already have the answer to your own question. You're just not ready to face the fact that this guy may not be worth anything. Be glad you're seeing the true colors so early on. Better 3 months, versus 3 years later, after you've had kids, a mortgage & a marriage with someone like that.
Be with a man that is content with you AS IS, not as HE WANTS you to be. If you lower your standards for him & even entertain the conversation of him playing you as if that's not a big slap to the face, then remember that in the long run you'll always resent yourself for emotionally lowering your standards. It's a GREAT thing that you won't & haven't lowered your standards physically (in terms of giving your body to someone who hasn't earned the right to it) BUT don't forget that your time, energy & emotions are just AS important to cherish & save for the right person.
The mere fact that this guy was bold enough to tell you that he's thought about messing about with another girl just to come back to you CLEARLY spells out a man that doesn't know what he wants. And any man who doesn't know what he wants, yet is always expecting for others to please his selfish needs, will NEVER be able to appreciate the things that really matter (usually the things that he didn't ask for). If he doesn't even know what he wants, how can he know AND/OR give you what you want? Do HIM & yourself a favor & let him go. Let him go off into the sunset with another girl, b/c that'll be on her & not on your conscious. But don't sit there, let him be so bold enough to tell you that his intentions with you are to play cat-&-mouse & be everything BUT unconditional in his loyalty & faithfulness to you. What this guy is REALLY doing is trying to manipulate you, trying to scare you & trying to give you an ultimatum in hopes that you'll let your guard & standards down for him. And that's the most selfish thing any man can do ESPECIALLY if he's not even sure about what he wants. Don't sit around & wait on a man to love you or wait on him to want you and ONLY you. It's 2009. Make it clear to him that you don't AND won't share any man of yours with another woman b/c not only is it not fair to the other woman, hello! It's not fair to you either
The mere fact that this guy was bold enough to tell you that he's thought about messing about with another girl just to come back to you CLEARLY spells out a man that doesn't know what he wants. And any man who doesn't know what he wants, yet is always expecting for others to please his selfish needs, will NEVER be able to appreciate the things that really matter (usually the things that he didn't ask for). If he doesn't even know what he wants, how can he know AND/OR give you what you want? Do HIM & yourself a favor & let him go. Let him go off into the sunset with another girl, b/c that'll be on her & not on your conscious. But don't sit there, let him be so bold enough to tell you that his intentions with you are to play cat-&-mouse & be everything BUT unconditional in his loyalty & faithfulness to you. What this guy is REALLY doing is trying to manipulate you, trying to scare you & trying to give you an ultimatum in hopes that you'll let your guard & standards down for him. And that's the most selfish thing any man can do ESPECIALLY if he's not even sure about what he wants. Don't sit around & wait on a man to love you or wait on him to want you and ONLY you. It's 2009. Make it clear to him that you don't AND won't share any man of yours with another woman b/c not only is it not fair to the other woman, hello! It's not fair to you either
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