What next?
This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by VenusLady on Thursday, April 19, 2007 and has 46 replies.
As i've mentioned in my previous posts my lil aqua is still going through his "i hate everyone" phase. I've sent him a few texts over the past couple days...nothing too personal just letting him know i'm there for him when he needs me and that i miss him. I know he's read them because i get a message on my phone when he does. So today i text him a photo that me and him took with the text "dont forget about us! x". He sends me a text back (finally!!!!) saying "i could never do that, sorry my fon wasn't working"! Ok, this is what got me because i know that's a lie. I wanted to call but knew i would probably get his voicemail so i sent a text back saying "Stop frontin, i know you got my messages but thats cool. Its nice to know ur ok! Enjoy the rest of your day!". I didn't expect him to reply to that one and he hasn't. I just want him to know that i understand he's got issues but i'm there for him.
Well my question is what happens next? Have i been coming on too strong? Being a typical Taurus i want to call and ask him what the hells going on but because i understand he's going through stuff right now I know this is not the time plus i know he does not like confrontation. I'm not going to try and make contact anymore cuz i have to admit the situation's beginning to piss me off a little but i know he'll make contact when he's ready. When he does do i go for it and let him know exactly what i'm feeling? do i act as if everything's ok? do i mention the relationship or just act as if we're just friends? or should i just not respond? what's the best way to handle an aqua in a situation like this? I dont want to push him away further but i also need him to know and respect how i feel too.
Well my question is what happens next? Have i been coming on too strong? Being a typical Taurus i want to call and ask him what the hells going on but because i understand he's going through stuff right now I know this is not the time plus i know he does not like confrontation. I'm not going to try and make contact anymore cuz i have to admit the situation's beginning to piss me off a little but i know he'll make contact when he's ready. When he does do i go for it and let him know exactly what i'm feeling? do i act as if everything's ok? do i mention the relationship or just act as if we're just friends? or should i just not respond? what's the best way to handle an aqua in a situation like this? I dont want to push him away further but i also need him to know and respect how i feel too.
what phone do you have that says someone read your text?
curious.
Just wait on him, he's a dude.
curious.
Just wait on him, he's a dude.
he's already emotional, he doesn't need you to push, back off, the text was nice but then you had to push your emotions on him with the stop front'n part, he doesn't need that and your trying to force him out of his shell, not a good tactic.
The best way to respond is to be his friend, why does he have to move at your pace? If you need it that way then you might try jus being his friend without any emotional attachment on your part. When an Aqua is going thru their issues, they need space, need to be left alone, this could be hours, days, weeks, if your not prepared to handle that then you might want to find another person to focus on.
The best way to respond is to be his friend, why does he have to move at your pace? If you need it that way then you might try jus being his friend without any emotional attachment on your part. When an Aqua is going thru their issues, they need space, need to be left alone, this could be hours, days, weeks, if your not prepared to handle that then you might want to find another person to focus on.
Tiki33:
Yeah i know i'm trying to force him out of his shell (which is impossible) but i just can't help it! I had one of my "i want things my way moments" but thats just ME! I like to address situations, find a solution and then move on but i already know this is not his way and i think that on the most part i have respected that. Damn, can i get an off moment too? lol! You are right though, i need to ask myself how much i'm prepared to handle cuz this girl needs lots of affection/attention and right now i'm just not getting it. I never want to lose him as a friend though...he'll always be my special lil aqua!
Cappy8:
Obviously a better phone than yours! lol
Yeah i know i'm trying to force him out of his shell (which is impossible) but i just can't help it! I had one of my "i want things my way moments" but thats just ME! I like to address situations, find a solution and then move on but i already know this is not his way and i think that on the most part i have respected that. Damn, can i get an off moment too? lol! You are right though, i need to ask myself how much i'm prepared to handle cuz this girl needs lots of affection/attention and right now i'm just not getting it. I never want to lose him as a friend though...he'll always be my special lil aqua!
Cappy8:
Obviously a better phone than yours! lol
Oh ms. Lady, I'm in the market for a new phone. Just thought you could tip me off to this invention.
You are brusk. Don't be too forceful with him. compromise.
You are brusk. Don't be too forceful with him. compromise.
sounds like somebody is a little frustrated with their aqua...
VenusLady....
What might help for you in this situation is, for you to KNOW what type of relationship it is that you desire.
Is trust important to you? If so, you already know that he lies, he will not change - the more you try to change him, the more he will resist you and your advances.
Is it important that your needs be met and that you feel respected? If so, you already are aware by his lack of response to you and your needs - "but i also need him to know and respect how i feel too."
Because of his actions towards you (pulling away from you, not returning your phone calls,lying to you) it seems to me that you may be loosing a bit of your self worth, self-esteem. The reason I say this is because of your questions - "Have i been coming on too strong? When he does do i go for it and let him know exactly what i'm feeling? do i act as if everything's ok? do i mention the relationship or just act as if we're just friends? or should i just not respond? what's the best way to handle an aqua in a situation like this?"
You as a human have every right in the world to trust in yourself and here you are questioning what you need to do for yourself. What you are now doing is questioning your behaviour, changing it to please him to get the response that you need. He is manipulating you and playing with your emotions - this is a form of control and right now, he is in the driver's seat.
VenusLady, when one is in a healty relationship, these questions do not arise, one feels safe at ALL times - they are happy.
He says he is in "I hate everyone" mode. (red flag) I'd say see ya! and move on. If he "hates" everyone then he is hating himself at the moment as well as you. Yes, he is no doubt going through something - are you making a choice to be his therapist? He needs to find a way to help himself, this is not your job. Let him go and get himself fixed up - you take care of yourself and find some people who are loving and kind to you.
Take care...of yourself!
What might help for you in this situation is, for you to KNOW what type of relationship it is that you desire.
Is trust important to you? If so, you already know that he lies, he will not change - the more you try to change him, the more he will resist you and your advances.
Is it important that your needs be met and that you feel respected? If so, you already are aware by his lack of response to you and your needs - "but i also need him to know and respect how i feel too."
Because of his actions towards you (pulling away from you, not returning your phone calls,lying to you) it seems to me that you may be loosing a bit of your self worth, self-esteem. The reason I say this is because of your questions - "Have i been coming on too strong? When he does do i go for it and let him know exactly what i'm feeling? do i act as if everything's ok? do i mention the relationship or just act as if we're just friends? or should i just not respond? what's the best way to handle an aqua in a situation like this?"
You as a human have every right in the world to trust in yourself and here you are questioning what you need to do for yourself. What you are now doing is questioning your behaviour, changing it to please him to get the response that you need. He is manipulating you and playing with your emotions - this is a form of control and right now, he is in the driver's seat.
VenusLady, when one is in a healty relationship, these questions do not arise, one feels safe at ALL times - they are happy.
He says he is in "I hate everyone" mode. (red flag) I'd say see ya! and move on. If he "hates" everyone then he is hating himself at the moment as well as you. Yes, he is no doubt going through something - are you making a choice to be his therapist? He needs to find a way to help himself, this is not your job. Let him go and get himself fixed up - you take care of yourself and find some people who are loving and kind to you.
Take care...of yourself!
unusualcancer:
I expect him to deal with my texts the same way i deal with his! When he didn't hear from me in a 24 hour period, he would be the first to call and text me wanting to know why i hadn't made contact. So its not rocket science that i would react the same way if he didn't contact me. YES i expected a response from my texts/calls to him, to me thats just common courtesy, i mean are we adults here? Maybe not!!!He is the one who texted/called me morning, noon and night to express undying love, requested a committment, introduced me to his kids and family, even talked about marriage...the list goes on and on. I didn't ask him to do and say all the loving things he did and yes men will say anything but if you dont give a man the benefit of the doubt sometimes you'll never know. At the time he was "feeling me" his actions told me the same. This lil aqua had me sucked in for a little while and made me feel close to him and when he started backing away...YES he had me doubting myself (damn, thats human nature isn't it!) but not for long, i'm far too stable, independent and confident in my own abilities to let any man, whatever his star sign bring me down. If anyone came on strong it was him, i held back alot at the beginning and when I finally began to build trust in him and respond to him...surprise surprise he goes running! Well he can keep running thats all i can say. So i'm not gonna feel guilty or take the blame for trying to find out how a man goes from wanting to be with me to totally ignoring me in a 1 hour period! Someone else mentioned compromise...??? Whats that, when he wants me I must be there and when he doesn't back off...ooooh pleeease and you wonder why there's so many messed up people in this world. When i read the aqua posts i almost expect a violin to be playing in the background with all advice about being patient, supportive and undemanding of your aqua! I thank God we never went any further...he might have decided to go running on our wedding day leaving me at the altar but i guess that would just be his need for space and i should just let him be, huh?
*The above was typed by a taurus gal sick to death of an aqua male and all the wasted energy dealing with one*
I expect him to deal with my texts the same way i deal with his! When he didn't hear from me in a 24 hour period, he would be the first to call and text me wanting to know why i hadn't made contact. So its not rocket science that i would react the same way if he didn't contact me. YES i expected a response from my texts/calls to him, to me thats just common courtesy, i mean are we adults here? Maybe not!!!He is the one who texted/called me morning, noon and night to express undying love, requested a committment, introduced me to his kids and family, even talked about marriage...the list goes on and on. I didn't ask him to do and say all the loving things he did and yes men will say anything but if you dont give a man the benefit of the doubt sometimes you'll never know. At the time he was "feeling me" his actions told me the same. This lil aqua had me sucked in for a little while and made me feel close to him and when he started backing away...YES he had me doubting myself (damn, thats human nature isn't it!) but not for long, i'm far too stable, independent and confident in my own abilities to let any man, whatever his star sign bring me down. If anyone came on strong it was him, i held back alot at the beginning and when I finally began to build trust in him and respond to him...surprise surprise he goes running! Well he can keep running thats all i can say. So i'm not gonna feel guilty or take the blame for trying to find out how a man goes from wanting to be with me to totally ignoring me in a 1 hour period! Someone else mentioned compromise...??? Whats that, when he wants me I must be there and when he doesn't back off...ooooh pleeease and you wonder why there's so many messed up people in this world. When i read the aqua posts i almost expect a violin to be playing in the background with all advice about being patient, supportive and undemanding of your aqua! I thank God we never went any further...he might have decided to go running on our wedding day leaving me at the altar but i guess that would just be his need for space and i should just let him be, huh?
*The above was typed by a taurus gal sick to death of an aqua male and all the wasted energy dealing with one*
also leos tend to get us also because they too can be very distant and aloof by nature so they don't really measure our behavior in the way other signs do, not all but most tend to get us and not take it personal.
"but the person that captures our hearts has to know how to bend and mold themselves around our moods..."
Just out of curiosity.....why?
Just out of curiosity.....why?
for the record I talk/communicate much more than I used to...when I was still in the dark pit of life, you could barely get a smile yet alone a hello.
so me expressing anything at this point is a MIRACLE (:
so me expressing anything at this point is a MIRACLE (:
"if people felt half the deep emotional pain most Aquas feel they wouldn't feel this way but of course you don't know how emotionally tormented some Aquas feel so you can only access that its a selfish/self centered trait."
Good point you make here tiki and the reason I say this is - you are absolutely correct in saying "if people felt half the deep emotional pain most Aquas feel" the issues begin because most Aquas have difficulty expressing their emotions so how are others to know how they feel? We cannot guess, we cannot assume and when an Aqua begins to "feel" emotions, they go away distancing themselves without a word to the other person as to why they need time away or better yet, lack of opening up emotionally to the other person so they have an opportunity to understand.
This action that most Aqua's take for self preservation confuse the other person and in most cases may cause doubt in the relationship.
I am not sure why most Aquas find it so difficult to express what you are feeling to someone you care about?
Good point you make here tiki and the reason I say this is - you are absolutely correct in saying "if people felt half the deep emotional pain most Aquas feel" the issues begin because most Aquas have difficulty expressing their emotions so how are others to know how they feel? We cannot guess, we cannot assume and when an Aqua begins to "feel" emotions, they go away distancing themselves without a word to the other person as to why they need time away or better yet, lack of opening up emotionally to the other person so they have an opportunity to understand.
This action that most Aqua's take for self preservation confuse the other person and in most cases may cause doubt in the relationship.
I am not sure why most Aquas find it so difficult to express what you are feeling to someone you care about?
Congratulations to you, Tiki for taking your personal journey in feeling life. I can imagine how wonderful you are feeling knowing from where you came.
My best to you for all the wonderful relationships that you will be experiencing and the relationships that you are currently in.
Kuddos to YOU
My best to you for all the wonderful relationships that you will be experiencing and the relationships that you are currently in.
Kuddos to YOU
funny thing about most Aquas is that we seem so normal on the outside, very intelligent, witty, funny, some of us are very attractive, hard workers, solid minds, and even can be happy but there is a brewding, horrific storm of emotions on the inside, no one ever sees, a constant reminder of some sort, its always there lurking, waiting for an opportune time to rear its head, its like another person, another entity.
Now some of you are going to say thats some weird sh*t and thus the reason why we never explain it because it sounds too freaky and out there.
we hang around and do the normal relationship stuff and then the storm comes and we can't control ourselves so we hide until the storm passes.
if you ask me relationships heighten our insecurities, heighten our fears so I think alot of Aqua's tend to not stick around for too long...my opinion
Now some of you are going to say thats some weird sh*t and thus the reason why we never explain it because it sounds too freaky and out there.
we hang around and do the normal relationship stuff and then the storm comes and we can't control ourselves so we hide until the storm passes.
if you ask me relationships heighten our insecurities, heighten our fears so I think alot of Aqua's tend to not stick around for too long...my opinion
thanks freebird!
we constantly are emotionally checking in and checking out of relationships, so if we don't want to leave the relationship we need space to check out for a little while.
"Now some of you are going to say thats some weird sh*t and thus the reason why we never explain it because it sounds too freaky and out there."
I believe that you might be pleasantly surprised when you express your real honest thoughts and feelings to someone else. They would admire your ability to do so and then............you would be able to experience a real relationship based on honesty and truth.
If, as in ALL relationships you share your truth and the other person is unable to share that with you....cool beans! You will know that they are not right for you at this moment.
I think you guys think toooooo much about stuff rather than just being in the moment and feeling life. Your time will come and soon your mind will connect with your heart
I believe that you might be pleasantly surprised when you express your real honest thoughts and feelings to someone else. They would admire your ability to do so and then............you would be able to experience a real relationship based on honesty and truth.
If, as in ALL relationships you share your truth and the other person is unable to share that with you....cool beans! You will know that they are not right for you at this moment.
I think you guys think toooooo much about stuff rather than just being in the moment and feeling life. Your time will come and soon your mind will connect with your heart
You are welcome, tiki 
I think you guys think toooooo much about stuff rather than just being in the moment and feeling life. Your time will come and soon your mind will connect with your heart
your absolutely right!! We process the whole scene and even scenes that haven't been written yet lol!
currently practicing the be in the moment attitude, its so hard because I want to process and dissect every little bit of information, analyze it, pick it apart and give it a reason for being and then go into the what if patterns along with it. Very tedios indeed.
I'm better but not completely there yet, I need people like you and krobe to help and remind me along the way *wink*
your absolutely right!! We process the whole scene and even scenes that haven't been written yet lol!
currently practicing the be in the moment attitude, its so hard because I want to process and dissect every little bit of information, analyze it, pick it apart and give it a reason for being and then go into the what if patterns along with it. Very tedios indeed.
I'm better but not completely there yet, I need people like you and krobe to help and remind me along the way *wink*
"its so hard because I want to process and dissect every little bit of information, analyze it, pick it apart and give it a reason for being and then go into the what if patterns along with it. Very tedios indeed."
Whew....that sure seems like a lot of work! I'm already pooped after reading your post - lol!
You seem like a very determined woman and I am sure that without a doubt, you will achieve your "in the moment living" goal. It truly is a blast to ride through life without a seatbelt and just "be"
In-joy
your ride
Whew....that sure seems like a lot of work! I'm already pooped after reading your post - lol!
You seem like a very determined woman and I am sure that without a doubt, you will achieve your "in the moment living" goal. It truly is a blast to ride through life without a seatbelt and just "be"
In-joy
your ride
"It was a time that my mom or anyone reaching to hug me I would literally cringe, emotional displays made me shut completely down and I would agonize over it and crave it at the same time but I knew I didn't know how to accept it so I pushed it away."
You might just be my future self...who I hope to be in the future...emotionally.
You might just be my future self...who I hope to be in the future...emotionally.
lol...nothings changed im guessing...
good for you. Let him be confused with some other lady.
you go, girl. too bad for the aqua...his loss.
$ 10 he's a bull
lol...ouch kitten!
looks like some fun times ahead for the kitty
yes, kitten deserves some fun
she's back...
what i said is the truth. saying you are going with a flow....given the history...is just saying you are ignoring the poor behavior.
if you don't know how to go with the flow jus say that leokitten, stop putting your twist on it because you don't understand something.
no one has to ignore poor behavior but at the same time its not me bahving poorly so am I to dictate to grown people how to act...puhleeze
I do fine dealing with myself and if there is an issue that needs to be addressed it will be addressed if I FEEL the need to address it.
seems your afraid of something, you have fear written all up in your post.
so again we have 2 different mindsets, yours is from a place of fear mine isn't.
if you don't know how to go with the flow jus say that leokitten, stop putting your twist on it because you don't understand something.
no one has to ignore poor behavior but at the same time its not me bahving poorly so am I to dictate to grown people how to act...puhleeze
I do fine dealing with myself and if there is an issue that needs to be addressed it will be addressed if I FEEL the need to address it.
seems your afraid of something, you have fear written all up in your post.
so again we have 2 different mindsets, yours is from a place of fear mine isn't.
tiki, i've said this before and i'll say it again: your posts come across as defensive, harsh, and brash. You play the almighty role on here as if you are all knowing and know what's best for everyone for every, single situation. Some of your advice is good, but you muck it all up with your negativity.
Also, i have to backpedal to read your posts because of the grammar inconsistencies. Proofread.
Also, i have to backpedal to read your posts because of the grammar inconsistencies. Proofread.
what problems lmao!!! Oh Gawd, sounds like your projecting how you feel about you and your situation onto me.
lemme think problems lmao!! Oh okay (:
were no different than any other couple and for the record my leo has told me (today actually) that he loves the fact that I have a way of communicating that makes him listen and I don't go behind his back and talk about us to other people like his ex did, I bring it to him if I feel the need to address issues....so I believe that is a level of respect.
lemme think problems lmao!! Oh okay (:
were no different than any other couple and for the record my leo has told me (today actually) that he loves the fact that I have a way of communicating that makes him listen and I don't go behind his back and talk about us to other people like his ex did, I bring it to him if I feel the need to address issues....so I believe that is a level of respect.
tiki, that comment is rather hypocritical. "you don't go behind his back and talk about us to other people"....what is this?
you have discussed things about him on here. Does this not count?
you have discussed things about him on here. Does this not count?
Yes I had problems with my leo in the beginning and in some areas I still lack understanding but atleast I'm willing TO UNDERSTAND without putting my own twist on it and again I'm not running from previous post, hell I'm human, I never claimed to be a robot, I say what I need to say, I was thoroughly confused when I first met my leo and if I'm confused, lack understanding I use the boards to gain that, I have met some really great people that have helped me along the way and I have done that and I will continue to do that, just because I found another way to deal with my leo doesn't make my way wrong...I don't run from confrontation because there is no need to confront anyone.
I'm changing be it if he's in my life or not but isn't relationships about compromise, so I guess you never heard of compromising.
interesting (:
I'm changing be it if he's in my life or not but isn't relationships about compromise, so I guess you never heard of compromising.
interesting (:
I know exactly what I wrote and at that time I didn't have a clue how to deal with this leo creature, now I do...am I supposed to be embarrassed *giggles*
what I discuss he knows about it, there are issues that I have brought up on the boards that I bring up with him...okay and your point *giggles*
again leokitten we will never see it the same way and thats cool
I'm not here to convince you,
I see this could go on for eons *laughing really loud*
I'm not here to convince you,
I see this could go on for eons *laughing really loud*
lmao@leokitten
thank you leokitten thanks for your assessment, I will let you believe what you want fyi I have BEEN thoroughly schooled on the trying bit but again you don't know how krobe and others have helped me stop doing things that were not beneficial, has he left b/c of it, nope, we are stronger than ever, I lacked knowledge... gained some and now I deal with my leo differently and it works.
it is what it is and if see it as bad than you can have that assessment, I'm not going to argue with you LOL!
thank you leokitten thanks for your assessment, I will let you believe what you want fyi I have BEEN thoroughly schooled on the trying bit but again you don't know how krobe and others have helped me stop doing things that were not beneficial, has he left b/c of it, nope, we are stronger than ever, I lacked knowledge... gained some and now I deal with my leo differently and it works.
it is what it is and if see it as bad than you can have that assessment, I'm not going to argue with you LOL!
I have never been submissive a day in my life lmao!! Oh gawd, my side hurts
"Oh gawd, my side hurts"
Being a door mat comes with its consequences....
Being a door mat comes with its consequences....
well don't you worry your pretty little head HP24 lmao! Not your problem now is it
see, defensive...you and nutso are pea pods.
nite all...
lmao!!
Oh okay
sorry you feel that way
Oh okay
sorry you feel that way
night night
WOW!!! I see i missed all the action...LOL!
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