why are aquarius like this?? can u say - CONFUSING

This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by mimigirl4u on Wednesday, February 18, 2009 and has 33 replies.
ok so ive been dating this aquarius guy for 2 months and just when i thought that everything was going so great he disappeared on me with no explanation..so i figured that hes just not that into me anymore..its been over a month and i got a text from him last week saying wats up?? long time no talk girl...hope all is well...and then yesterday he text me wat have i been up to?? we only spoke for a little..i just want to know why did he contact me out of the blue?? whats the reasoning for why some aquarius men do this?? i didnt bother asking him why he has been contacting me all of a sudden bc i dont want to show that it bothers me..oh and btw i did not sleep with him and hes not married -- i know this because we have mutual friends
Hello?? anyone here???
Sigh if only I could help, I know us aquas very well, I can only suggest try to communicate with him often but be careful not constantly. If he feels the pressure he dissapears, but if you give him space between your calls/texts/whatever then at some point he MAY think "oh wait this girl must really like me I should talk to her some time but what to say as it has been so long I may say sthg like 'long time no talk' to seem more natural". Honestly good luck with aquas.
what do u mean by that tas??? explain more....sorry im just trying to figure him out...its like hes disappears and then comes back to me like he did nothing wrong..im a libra if this helps
i know that starfish but before i ask him this i just wanted to see wat u guys have to say about it...i want more answers...
Dunno much about libras apart from what they say that they should match. What I meant is basically contact him at times to (metaphorically) say "hey I'm here where are you lost?". Depends how well you know each other and age of both. Like doctors counting a few seconds between heart electric shocks you give him time to start processing otherwise continues shocks will make him run. It's the fact that we're detached creatures and although we're humanitarians at the same time we don't really put ourselves into other's shoes. Judging from my ex-cancer who put a real efford to save our relationship I'd say communicate it with him until you see some response or until you start loosing your faith. Unfortunately this may happen because we're really weird creatures and stubborn and when we realize the mistake it will be too late. And the craziest thing is even if we're lucky and we're forgiven is more likely to do it again !
but if you give him space between your calls/texts/whatever then at some point he MAY think "oh wait this girl must really like me I should talk to her some time but what to say as it has been so long I may say sthg like 'long time no talk' to seem more natural".
LOL!!! Or she's giving me space because she has a life of her own? smile
i know that starfish but before i ask him this i just wanted to see wat u guys have to say about it
I'll make like LK and get to the point - 2 months dating, 1 month disappeared... were you really dating? if so, where is the respect here? him born under a certain time of the year doesn't excuse this, does it? if it does, eff that...
you can theorize this to thy kingdom come, put it as eloquently as possibly, it'll still be bs... but the point is if this bothers you, you'll deal with it like Star suggests, get it out open but EITHERWAY, you take him back, he has the green flag to do it again, you don't take him back, you prove his point that all women are not understanding or willing to give space to him (that's a common Aqua theme)...
Bottomline, wants to do his own thing and not have you involved >>> that does not qualify as a balanced relationship, it's a relationship that aqua-way or the highway *shrugs*
Look dating and a relationship in more personal opinion are two totally different things.
Dating means there is no exclusivity, yeah just because you've had sex (in your case you didnt) doesnt mean someone is supposed to just be seeing you or is tied to the implied rules of being a boyfriend/girlfriend (which is why we f-ing hate the term).
When a relationship is indeed established (meaning the aqua is okay with the idea) there will be NO disappearing.
2 months is crap (equivalent to maybe 2 weeks if that) in terms of aqua relationship time.
No, like Tas says, we find it difficult o place ourselves in other peoples shoes.
I personally thought I was doing someone a favor by acting the way I did, but after years of dealing with complaints and coming to DXP and just ppl observing in general...Not everyone wants to be treated the way you want to be treated.
*shrug*
Not everyone wants to be treated the way you want to be treated.
you got that right! just like the person you're dealing with is treating you the way they want to be treated and annoying you to no end...
more logical to treat people the way the 'situation' demands but still ijdkyk
"Not everyone wants to be treated the way you want to be treated."
this is supposed to be the reason why same element relationships are suppose o work...but you know how life gets in the way sometimesTongue
Only mirroring shows you how annoying you can be...then it starts all over again. Its a vicious cycle Sad
--- yea viscious cycle indeed! and life sucks but the salad I've just forced myself to eat sucks even more!
this is supposed to be the reason why same element relationships are suppose o work...but you know how life gets in the way sometimes
yea but it's like touching yourself constantly, who wants that? Tongue you only want that sometimes *cough*
anyway, the similar element thing will work on paper but life is not such a convenient constant so the search continues Sad
Hmm...that seems to be a typical Aquarius thing...most of the people I know (including myself) who dated Aquarians would like see each other, everyday, for 2 weeks in a row, then like for the next 2 weeks not contact each other, at all.
The one word that I feel could describe Aquarians well is 'detached.' They can easily detach and reattach themselves in a heartbeat. This can range from things such as emotions, priorities, etc...it can be read as 'cold-hearted.' This is probably also why many of my friends joke and say that Aquarius' have 'no feelings.'
isn't it weird how many times this same EXACT scenario comes up, over and over again?!?
lol OFA - Excited aren't you ma dear? Tongue
isn't it weird how many times this same EXACT scenario comes up, over and over again?!?
Naturally, as it is clearly incompatibility most of the times and surprisingly lot of people don't know when dating isn't working out --- you hang on and hang on and well, a lot of the relationship starts to happen in your head. Guys generally use lines, filter through them and see it for what it is.
the first clue to that becomes apparent when someone's spending all their time trying to 'learn or understand' all about a sign because they're dating. That's a big red flag...
haha - someone get kitty a bed Tongue
no OFA, it so you !
Ok I shouldn't be showing you this because it's the most accurate article about aquas it scared me. But hey I have to prove my sharing nature as aqua do I ? It worths reading it and hope you use it for good purpose (eg a cancer who wants to save her relationship lol) and not exposing an aqua. PS Any Scorpio stop reading :p So voila http://healuniv.blogspot.com/2008/12/aquarius-male.html PS2 With this article I realized how flexible all these astrology is to interpret, notice how it starts "seemingly unconventional and innovative" aqua, in opposition to what it is commonly said but it's true, it's seemingly.
thanks taz i found it a very intresting read.
WOW Tas!!! that article was VERY right on about aqua men...it scared me too! thanks so much for posting the link, it was probably one of the best descriptions i have read for aqua males. it is all VERY true!!! especially the following:
"In intimate relationships, they are not very intimate. Aquarius males are great with the future and progressive thinking, but not so good the past. This is because 99% of Aquarius males have a paternal (father) situation where their father was absent from home a lot, abusive, alcoholic or a drug addict, commonly known for having sexual affairs and a cold, empty marriage with the mother, and as a result the Aquarius male never received guidance and instruction on being a warm and loving man in general and especially not with a woman. They feel ???different??, sometimes to the point of weirdness and other times to the point of egoism (superiority). At the base of it is deep insecurity and fear at not being competent, loved and not being accepted. He grows up feeling inside that he cannot express himself in an intimate loving relationship with another individual??_so he opts for focusing on the masses.Due to innate insecurities and fears of not being competent, loved and accepted, they maintain a wall of defense, not allowing even someone they like or love to get too close. When he is angry, the Aquarius male will not yell or otherwwise obviously show it. Instead, he will become very MEAN and say mean/cruel things that he knows or thinks will hurt you, with a glib smile. Then he will airly say he needs to go, and leave the room or hang up the telephone. He is also quite capable of doing something very mean to you out of anger."
WOW!WOW!WOW!
Wow, great article on Aquarious men. So, tell me Aquarian males, if the more you feel for a women the more likely you are to cancel or forget dates, how should a women proceed in starting a relationship with him? Do you prefer to be with someone you don't feel as strongly about or with enough time and distance between dates, can you eventually feel comfortable to go forward with the women of your dreams?
Thanks for your responses, normalisboring,
What I would like from this guy is some open and honest communication. He tells me loves me and is in love, that I'm the girl he's always dreamed of, and then waits several weeks before contacting me again and then more weeks before asking to get together, last minute. I travel a lot to, so I can't always see him when he wants, and so we miss out on alot of time we could be together. In between dates there are rarely phone calls, mostly texts and he keeps it pretty casual. Yes, I do initiate sometimes, but he seems to shut down if there is too much coming from me, so I try to let him go at his own pace. I know how this sounds and would probably say move on, if this were one of my girlfriends, but I would like to give this guy the benefit of the doubt because depite his actions, I beleive he really does care and wants love in his life, but doesn't have the confidence in the area of relationships, so I'd like to get a better understanding of him. The emotional intimacy, when we are together is off the charts, and he is very expressive with his feelings, albeit ususally after a few drinks. I'm too busy enjoying the experience, when I'm with him, and have not done a good job instigating a conversation as to why there is so much distance between our visits. What would be some reasons for him not acting on his feelings?
I'm going to suggest you move on, the more you push the more he pulls away, the more you stick around the more frustrated and unhappy you will become attempting to mold your behavior around his relationship comfort levels. Walking away is not about saying he's wrong or right, it's really to save your sanity, to save you from chasing an unavailable man that will never be caught and it's to save you from investing too much time, energy and thoughts on a man that has no interest in something real, it's to save you from losing yourself to a man that can't deal with too much intimacy and togetherness. You traveling is perfect for him, he hardly has to see you, he can keep a comfortable distance between the 2 of you, he has no investment but empty words, if you let go he will continue running his game on other women and/or find someone new to string along.
Please don't take offense but there is no real relationship, when men pop in and out of your life it's to cool you down, when they go from hot hot to casual that is classic commitment phobic behavior, when he can't pick up the phone and call you and opts to use text messaging as a way of connecting that is another sign of commitment phobia, when you push too hard and he backs off that is another way to CONTROL you and control the direction of the relationship which is another classic behavior pattern with commitment phobes, when a man can make you back off and force you to go at his pace that is another behavior pattern of a CP man to slow down the exclusive committed relationship process and it's his way of being able to pop in and out of your life on his terms, he is TRAINING you to understand that if you push, if you ask too many questions, if you do anything that he doesn't want you to do he will LEAVE you, you learn fairly quickly how to do what he wants or he will shut you out to punish you for not conforming to his covert control, there are other signs that point to commitment phobia, he was hot for 2 months, he gets you hooked on him so he can leave and go as he pleases and now your using all your energy wondering how to get him to be more available, your holding on hoping and fighting for a real connection, real communication and you will not get it, there was a time he once gave himself freely during that 2 month period and now that is a distant memory, he's now very distant and aloof, he's no longer selling himself, no longer honeymooning and wooing, and now your INVESTING all your energy, all your thoughts into getting the UNAVAILABLE MAN TO COMMIT and he does NOTHING and if he's doing nothing he has no investment or incentive to want to keep you so when you leave your the only one hurt not him, your hurt b/c you GAVE MORE than him and because he gave less he can just walk away just like that, typical I get to have my cake and eat it too, meaning I can have her when I want and have my freedom and other women too.
This guy has some issues, major ones...don't get sucked in
Commitment is important to (some) women, the why's and what for's isn't truly as important as the fact that it's part of what makes a woman feel whole, it's also part of our genetics to nest with a certain kind of man at a certain age some younger than others, yet if a woman decides to retrain herself to hold off the built in instinctual program to commit and get married and have kids there really is no reason for real commitment.
I agree when you say commitment shouldn't be a blueprint but so does not wanting to commit to women be a blueprint either, you feel passionate about not committing to anyone because it's just shackles right well women feel just as passionate about her instincts to have love, to get married and/or have a longterm commitment, just 2 opposing sides of the spectrum, I can't help you understand something you don't want to experience, there is nothing I can say to convince you why something is important when you believe it's not important for you.
Men explore to feel complete, they go out, explore, conquer, and see the world, women need connection to feel whole and complete which means untless she's connecting to men, to life, to her babies and relationshps she does not FEEL COMPLETE, YET WE DON'T NEED IT, just like men don't need to go out and explore and see the world to feel whole and complete but they do it anyway and women don't need men, love, relationships to feel complete but unfortunately there is a large percentage of women that have not caught on to this concept so they continue to look for love through men and relationships and it's not there.
Men make relationships with women a PART of there life whereas women make relationships with men there WHOLE life....again it's opposing ideas that create this huge disconnect between the 2 but if a woman can understand a man's needs and vice versa it can work but there has to be a mutual respect for the differences.
"Tikki, this man doesn't strike me as someone who is trying to control her overtly or covertly.
I've noticed this about a lot of girls I know when it comes to being friends with me: they really only go by appearances.
It's like these girls want fun, fun, fun"
No he is not trying to control HER covertly or overtly, the way he behaves is his way of controlling the direction of the relationship, commitment phobe start out hot and then they temper off, it's the way they temper off that dictates if he's a commitment phobe, how he's behaving keeps the relationship tempered, tempered at his pace, on his terms only, that is a sure sign of a commitment phobic man.
As for girls going by appearance and wanting to have fun, there is definitely truth to that, age range from teens to early 20's in some cases late 20's to early 30's typically have a more care free attitude.
Women don't need commitment but on the flip side we have these natural built-in instincts called hormones and nesting instincts, they AUTOMATICALLY kick in and this is not something we can stop, I can no more stop these hormonal instincts than you can stop having a penis but if a woman notices it she can retrain herself to slow down and wait which can help her be more objective in choosing a proper mate, unfortunately these instincts are stupid and some women end up on the shitty side of the deal because the instincts just want to couple up without much thought to it. These built-in instincts is something men don't have least not in the way women have it so a man can live his entire life virtually non-committal and child free up until he's in his late 50's or even longer and still have the option to have a wife and have kids if he chooses too yet women don't have this same kind of luxury, after the age of 40 (some even in there 30's can't have kids) it's harder to make babies and so men never truly grasp this concept and don't get how that effects women because they don't have this genetic program to nest.
As much as you don't want to believe it's genetics, well it is, I'm a woman and your a man and I can talk to you about this until the cows come home and you still will not be able to grasp the verocity of this issue simply because your different, men think differently, behave differently and are different in every way.
sorry I keep saying men in a general term (some men) not all but some
Posted by normalisboring
Not again, man...
Basically, to summarise, making a commitment is for the world to see. Love, romantic love, anyway, is between two people ONLY.
And a lot of women need to learn to seperate the two, because it seems they're more interested in the labels than the person.
"As long as I'm bathed in your blissfull light, I will remain forever content. That alone is enough."


Ok I see your point, I see exactly what you mean and yes there are women that are preoccupied with titles moreso than the actual reality of relationships but on the other hand there are many men that don't care for the reality of love as well and the reality is that at some point on that one on one journey with a woman it isn't going to be all blissful and light and this is the part that scare men so much so they would much rather be alone than to be discontent.
2 sides of the coin, they both have valid reasons why they want what they want and don't want what they don't want. At some point we have to trust that no matter how it all turns out he/she will be okay.
grrrrrrr typo's
"I understand completely. My thing is that there is love on one side and there is commitment on the other. I can commit to a woman (and astrologically our sign is notorious for stringing people along so that we don't hurt them) ... Doesn't necessarily mean I love her. "
That makes perfect sense, I think this is were so many women get stuck around the concept with how men love and deal with relationships to commit to the relationship and not commit to love is a very foreign concept to most women, men also have different levels of commitment and to some women that is very hard to wrap our minds around that kind of concept.
women (most not all) believe when a man commits he's in love, we automatically believe this and I hope many women read what you wrote and take it to heart and finally see that a commitment does not necessarily mean a man is in love or loves her and hopefully some women will step back and take a more objective approach to men before jumping head first into commitment.
Most women are not emotionally built to commit and not love, when we love we commit ourselves to the man we love, it's 2 set ideas and because the ideas are so uniquely different we women create a lot of drama around how to connect with men and understand them.
I appreciate your insight, I love talking to men, they really are honest when it comes to how they are but for it's more about taking myself out of my girl shoes and put on my boy hat so I can listen, relate, understand and try to grasp the male mind which is not something I'm accustomed to doing...takes practice

Posted by normalisboring
Posted by tiki33
I appreciate your insight, I love talking to men, they really are honest when it comes to how they are but for it's more about taking myself out of my girl shoes and put on my boy hat so I can listen, relate, understand and try to grasp the male mind which is not something I'm accustomed to doing...takes practice




Hey, you're not trying to chew my head off or saying that my ideas stem from the fact that i'm bitter or had a bad relationship with my mother growing up so as far as putting on a boy hat you're doing pretty fine, Tikki!
And I respect that, I really do. You must be beating guys away with a stick with a mind and cool like that lol
I guess the important thing is to have no expectations and meet in the middle somehow, and you know it could never be conventional.
Dxp, if you fuck up my post one more time today, I will shake my fist at yu, dammit!
click to expand


No reason to chew you out, you really gave me some insightful information about men that I have been able to confirm through other sources, not beating guys away but I have my moments LOL j/k!
Thanks for the chat!
Posted by normalisboring
Blast! You made me spell "you" wrong!
Damn you, dxp, damn you to hell!!!!


LOL!!!

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