hi everyone! i have an aquarius guy friend who is currently in a relationship. but he still invites me and his other friends to go and have good times with other ladies, being intimate with them and all. i kinda know his girlfriend and when he is around her, he is a different man, loving and very caring about her. but when she's not around he would go on his womanizing spree. now i am starting to rethink if i am being a good friend to him by tolerating such activities, or should i tell him to stop doing so instead? i want him to be happy and im afraid that if i meddle with his life, he would get mad at me. so my questions are: why is he doing this womanizing thing when i can see that he is in love with his partner, and what should i do as a friend? thanks in advance!
Signed Up:
Feb 26, 2008Comments: 0 · Posts: 8735 · Topics: 522
Well one, if he's the womanizer you describe, I highly DOUBT he's truly in love with his girlfriend.
Two, before cutting him off, you can atleast have a talk with him.
It's not about being nosy or butting in but about 2 people who shouldn't consider themselves 'friends' at all if they can't be honest with eachother or speak out when 1 feels the other is doing something that is harmful to self or others
He probably won't change who he is as a person/womanizer all b/c you speak out, but it will atleast make him think twice about wanting to include in you plans that involve disrespecting his partner
Are you saying that you'd just prefer not to be around when he's cheating or that you can't be friends with a guy who does that to his own girlfriend, period? B/c there's a difference!
If you can't be friends with him period, hey I understand that! You have a right to only want friendship with people who share certain moral beliefs or life style s in common with you.
Some might not consider it a real friendship at all or deem you as unloyal if you're willing to cut him off since he hasn't hurt or disrespected you personally
Ask yourself this...if this was a female friend who was a player, would you stop being her friend altogether over that? If no, then perhaps it'd be unfair to do that to him just b/c he's a man.
i don't have any plans of cutting him off at all... i consider him a very good friend, and i want to be a good friend to him also. i wanted to be someone he can count on, and so i accept his invitations to go out with these ladies. but at the same time, i don't want him to continue this habit because he might lose the girl who he is currently in a relationship with, because i know she makes him happy. so i'm not sure what to do.. so if you were his friend, what would you do?
Signed Up:
Jan 19, 2013Comments: 1552 · Posts: 9503 · Topics: 11
Invite his girlfriend to your escapades.
@rgh1, the way you describe yourself reminds me of him. like you, he has turned down a lot of sex opportunities as well, and those are the times that i believed he loves his current gf. but then again, there are other times that he would really hit on them. this leaves me confused. and i wonder would i be doing him a favor to tell to his face to stop what he's doing or will i just damage our friendship by doing so? but as you and krysrenee7 have said, the fact that he's doing it probably means that he is not really in love. maybe i was just tricked by his 'acting' in front of his gf. i dont know..
and no, i am not one of his escapades. we are just friends. i know that we have no romantic interest in each other. i just really want to wake him up so that he'd realize what he's doing is wrong.
Signed Up:
Jan 25, 2012Comments: 8 · Posts: 20090 · Topics: 685
He may be your friend, but isn't his business, his business and not yours?
Regardless of sign, Yes, you will damage your friendship by butting in.
Signed Up:
Jan 25, 2012Comments: 8 · Posts: 20090 · Topics: 685
Also, before you throw stones, make sure your own house is clutter free.
*words to live by*
Signed Up:
Dec 20, 2011Comments: 362 · Posts: 10167 · Topics: 100
womanising present participle of wom??an??ize
Verb
(of a man) Engage in numerous casual sexual affairs with women (used to express disapproval): "his womanizing had now become intolerable".
----
I'm confused, hitting on them? doesn't mean the same as sleeping with them. In fact you didn't even say what he was doing so define what he's actually doing to 'womanise'.
Signed Up:
Dec 20, 2011Comments: 362 · Posts: 10167 · Topics: 100
Yeah but what exactly is it that you guys do? Are you into girls? Why is he inviting you out to to these? Makes no sense to me.
Either way you can't stop him you can try and talk sense into him but ultimately if he wants to fuck up the relationship it's his choice. There might be reasons why his gf tolerates this and if his gf hasn't found out yet jeez, maybe she deserves to be cheated on.
Either way, seems like whatever they have is working at the moment.
Signed Up:
Feb 26, 2008Comments: 0 · Posts: 8735 · Topics: 522
Stop feeling so bad for wanting to step up & call your friend out on destructive behavior
That's what friends do. While everybody else is observing the same thing but not saying a word, a true friend steps in & speaks up!
Delivery is everything though!
You should talk to him. But make sure you're not making this about you & moreso about the fact that you expect that your friends hold themselves to a specific moral ground when dealing with others
There's nothing wrong with that
If I were you, I'd talk to him about it without any judgement or expectation that just b/c you say so, he'll change.
If the woman who truly loves him can't get him to change or if his other close friends haven't succeeded in getting him to change, then don't assume that you'll be any different
He's not being faithful to his girlfriend b/c he doesn't see her true value OR he does see it & doesn't internally believe that she's 'the one' or good enough to receive 100% of his loyalty
And if that's the case then talking to him about it won't change anything b/c he already feels how he feels about his girlfriend. You can't make this guy like/love his girlfriend any more than he already does
If he tells you to mind your business, shrugs you off, or blatenly refuses to stop then you've got to make a decision. Either stop hanging out with him period, or stop going out with him when he's out cheating, or suck it up & accept that he is who he is
Just talk to him. See what he says.
Signed Up:
May 04, 2012Comments: 4373 · Posts: 50653 · Topics: 564
id have to agree with krys on calling on your friend and telling him what he's doing wrong.
I know it's going to sound as if you're "Judging" him, but it is already getting "destructive." This is going beyond and into the realm of hurting people. He probably has been used to women who he can "doormat" on and step on all his life and they allow him that on a subconscious level. We don't know your friend personally but you do. What he's doing is very hurtful to the people he is supposed to love and/or care for.