Has Aries Gone Cold on Me? Should I just give space?

This topic was created in the Aries Men forum by IndigoSag on Monday, November 12, 2018 and has 17 replies.
Hi. I'm a Sag that was being pursued by an Aries, right up until the weekend just gone. We've only been on 6 dates, and the last 2 we were intimate, where he asked me to spend the night at his house, and meet his temporary housemates. That last weekend we spent together, I willing stayed the night, then he took me out kayaking the following morning. The connection felt great, and he was very easy to be with, un-rushed, and not heavy. I know he has been very hurt in the past by the woman I think he considers the love his life, and the only woman he said he's ever wanted to marry. I believe she actually has married in the last couple of weeks. He has remained single for the past 4 plus years, having had only the "occasional fling." I was ambivalent on the first few dates, having also not dated for more than 4 years, recovering from an abusive relationship. I've been out on a few one-off dates, this is the first guy I wanted to see again, and the first one I've let touch me. After pursuing me persistently, and eagerly setting up each date consecutively, and being respectful when I declined to hit the bedroom with him, for our 5th date, he took me to his work Christmas party and introduced me to his boss, colleagues, and friends. His friends pulled me aside and said in the past 4 years, he has never brought a date to anything. At the end of the evening, he again asked if I would spend the night with him, and made it clear it was okay if I said no. I accepted the offer, and we had a beautiful night together. We then teed up to spend the next weekend together, he asked me over to his house, cooked me dinner, was attentive and loving. The next morning, he took my kayaking. We had a lot of fun, and he apologised that things were rushed and he couldn't spend more time with me due to other obligations. From the first date, there was never a lot of texting, just get the next date lined up and we're good, and then an occasional, "how's you're week going" message. The week after the Christmas party was probably the most we texted, when he checked in with me on a daily basis. Last week, after the overnight at his house and kayaking the next day, he didn't text me for a couple of days, but responded immediately when I texted him. He showed interest in teeing up to see me on Saturday, but then Saturday morning asked if we could see each other Sunday (yesterday) instead. He worked Saturday, and said he wanted to work on his motorbike (it's the first weekend he's had to himself since I met him between work commitments, and house guests). Yesterday (Sunday) he just didn't contact me, and last night I saw he was back on the dating app where we met. It feels like as soon as I reciprocated interest in him, he has pulled away. Do I just give him space and time to be okay? I know he's seen that I'm also still on the dating app we met on. I'm not pursuing anybody else, as I wanted to see what would develop with this lovely man. I would like to play my cards right, and not make assumptions, not be a twit about it all. If he doesn't contact me in a certain amount of time (I'm inclined to leave it until Venus goes well and truly direct), should I reach out? Should I just ask if he's interested? I don't want to write him off if he's just found the connection more than he expected, and needs time, and I don't want to flog a dead horse. Would much prefer a "Hey thanks for the dates, I don't think this is a goer." I know it's only been like yesterday that he totally blew me off, and I feel like the tail end of this Venus in Retrograde is messing with me big time, but would appreciate any insight or advice people have. Much gratitude in advance.
All Aries men I’ve ever met where not into commitment. I think Sag women and Aries men clash alot. They are a hard sign to pin down too. Good luck
Thanks Sag898. I was married to an Aries, and I do have another Aries pursuing me. Aries men seem to find me attractive, which I'll chalk it up to my Aries Moon and Aries Rising. I'm a long way from wanting "commitment" or a "traditional" relationship, but am enjoying this man's company, and would like to enjoy it further. There hasn't even been the whiff of a "relationship talk." I'm just so perplexed by the sudden withdrawal. Interestingly, I believe this Aries man has a Sag Moon and Sag Rising. LOL
I think your right to be cautious.

Just see if he keeps setting up the next date. If this weekend comes and goes you’ll know he’s onto the next.
Posted by IndigoSag

Thanks Sag898. I was married to an Aries, and I do have another Aries pursuing me. Aries men seem to find me attractive, which I'll chalk it up to my Aries Moon and Aries Rising. I'm a long way from wanting "commitment" or a "traditional" relationship, but am enjoying this man's company, and would like to enjoy it further. There hasn't even been the whiff of a "relationship talk." I'm just so perplexed by the sudden withdrawal. Interestingly, I believe this Aries man has a Sag Moon and Sag Rising. LOL
Oh! I love Aries moons. Yeah that’s a lot of fire he’s got haha
Yes, be cautious, don’t rule out meeting other men.

- 4 years is a long time, it’s takes a lot going from having all that freedom and then having those thoughts of commitment again, takes time to get used to

- get the feeling you are too emotionally invested in him at this time, be careful. I’m sure he’s a nice guy, but I’m sure there are also things you don’t know about him, so don’t sugar coat it

- always have caution meeting men on dating apps, so easy for them to just look at other women when they are bored

- do not ask him if he’s interested, it shows too much that you are interested, let the man chase if he wants to, you’re the one he has to work for, not the other way round, you don’t work for him. Aries want the challenge in this way. Yes show vulnerability some of the time, but not obviously.

- if you feel like you showed too much interest then you must back away now

- for your own sanity forget about his troubled past or whatever, you’re making it out like you have spiritual connection or something, just forget that. I don’t know why but women want these guys, tough exterior and emotional on the inside but only for you, like a romance novel, just don’t build it up in your head. Just because someone told you he doesn’t bring women, doesn’t mean it’s anything special. It was their opinion, not his.
Thanks AriesJo, I appreciate your responses.

- Having been single myself for over 4 years, I appreciate this Aries is used to his freedom and his own company, I sure am. I don't know how to convey I'm no more interested in taking his freedom than I am in losing mine, except to back right off and give him space.

- yeah, taking it into the bedroom has definitely gotten me feeling invested, which I totally didn't want to have happen. So my bad for letting it go there. I felt ready, and felt he was patient.

- I guess the dating app thing goes both ways, although he disappeared from the app for a few weeks, Ive kept my profile active as i have 'tried' to have a wise head and not get invested in something that might not go anywhere.

- thank you! I will not ask if he's interested. Honestly, until this last weekend, his interest was obvious.

- and yes, i absolutely think I showed too much interest and enthusiasm last week, trying to take the lead when previously Id left it up to him to make contact and pursue me for dates.

- and yes again, no need to dwell on the past. Which is one of the things i enjoy about spending time with this Aries: neither of us talk about the past. We both answer the occasional question, but otherwise we never talk about our exes. They don't matter. We talk about background, family, aspirations, but not exes.

I know I've got to get out of my head, I'm just thankful apart from being over zealous last week, he doesn't know I'm going through any of this stuff, worrying, overthinking everything.

Fingers crossed I'll hear from him again. I actually really like the cautious pace we had going, and I'm sorry I pushed it a bit last week, I wanted more of the good stuff and I chased after it instead of letting him deliver it.
I love Sag women, I don’t think I’ve ever dated one but I wonder why. I think most signs if they do chase me, I feel it’s a bit weird, except for Sag, because they are usually confident, direct, they have the “you only live once” attitude, and what they say is always fun and cheerful, there is little doubt about what they want and it comes across well. It’s makes me laugh when a Sag approaches me, but in a really good way, like I want to know more. There’s usually good eye contact. Other signs might do it to, but Sag have the most chance of doing it. I am thinking you shouldn’t worry about showing too much interest. Yes you should back away for now, but I don’t think showing you liked him was a bad move.

I am thinking maybe there will be things in his life which aren’t to do with you. I hope he does contact you, but I’m almost positive if he doesn’t, then it isn’t because of anything you’ve done, or haven’t done. You sound great, talking about background, family and aspirations, and not talking about exs... this is the best way. I think this is both how Aries and Sag think, it’s why it’s a good match.
just wait a little bit, maybe the venus direct can shine some light on yours and his feeling, I mean, what can you lose anyway, just a couple of days.

that damn mercury though is coming.
Thanks AriesJo,

I definitely give good eye contact LOL. First date with this Aries, he kept leaning back in his chair and smiling, as if he liked what he saw and wanted to take it all in. And damn, if I didnt like what I saw too. He gave good eye contact, oh boy! The energy isn't some burning inferno, its a smolder. He's not some Taurus trying to bulldoze my doors down (what is it with those guys?)

I'm not in love, my world wont end if we are not meant to be more than 6 dates. But I like how each date starts out shy, and builds from hand-holding to kisses, to passion. I like how easy he is to be with. How unhurried and in the moment our time together is. I like that he didnt even know my surname until he asked me on our last date. Ah, listen to me wax lyrical on this Aries. We will just chalk that up to my Venus being in Scorpio (which is a right pain in the butt.)

Endless, you are right, gotta let Venus go direct, 'cause dang if these last few days aren't wooping my arse! And I'll be doing my darndest to avoid anything of importance on Friday *shudder*. On a positive note, 'cause you know, sunny sag here, us Saggies have Jupiter coming home to us for the next 12 months, so good stuff should finally be on the horizon.

Thanks for the replies, people. Having this forum to come to and express my fears and confusions on rather than going off like a frog in a sock on this Aries, well just much gratitude. Thank you.
Posted by Endless

just wait a little bit, maybe the venus direct can shine some light on yours and his feeling, I mean, what can you lose anyway, just a couple of days.

that damn mercury though is coming.
Will anybody good ever come? Venus is shit! Then Mercury waiting rubbing it’s hands...eager to screw up! WTF?

Lol
Posted by Sag898

All Aries men I’ve ever met where not into commitment. I think Sag women and Aries men clash alot. They are a hard sign to pin down too. Good luck
I don’t know Arieses. Just testing waters. And he is ‘happily divorced’ and we communicating excessively!

About not being for commitment I don’t know...afyer our first serious date he went into a panic attack. Asked me if I’ll ever divorce. I said will see. He feels like a good friend with occasional outburst for sexual talks and ‘I need you now’...

After first week he said ‘I am not going anywhere’ and his actions so far making me happy.

Most women here seem loving Aries sun and moon which he is both.

Before we even got in a sack he took his dating site profile down and sent me the proof which I had no idea he had one and I wouldn’t know if he did or didn’t. I was like ok...whatever!

Though I read here they love to be loved and praised if genuinely. I tell him how wonderful he is. He is responding in some weird ways.

Making fun of my accent and sending me cute shit.

Sat night I was drunk and sent him wall of text why he shouldn’t marry me. He laughed and called me and afther that I sent him even more bizarre wall of text why he should marry me.

He hadn’t ran up the hills! We are talking all day today and I am reading pieces of his book telling him what I think honestly.

So what I am saying is it’s all individual. In OP case I would be nervous about him being back on a dating site. However can he be just singed on and not actually even being there? Can you see if he is approaching someone? Everyone is different. I am also talking to everyone while Aries isn’t talking to me...does it mean I am looking for anything? No! Just have time to waste...

Another piece of thoughts. Men don’t just get lost. I’ve learned that we might never find out but rule number one and only: if you haven’t hurt him and he needs you - he will be back.

I am wishing you luck and take your time. While he is taking his. And as someone said here...keep looking!

You might going to find someone even better. Cure your aching heart with new communications. Laugh! Talk funny shit. Brush off boring dudes. Don’t sit and mope. Project your energy on people. ❤️
Gemitati, great advice.

I was definitely feeling much more laid back when I was fielding multiple suitors. So perhaps I'll throw a line out on the dating app and see what fishes bite.

I do have another Aries that is chasing me that I've been on a few dates with. I just let him go for it, and as soon as he gets days off, he is hitting me up to see me. These two are chalk and cheese! Fireman Aries connection is like long lost friends with an edge. Irishman Aries (the one I'm getting my knickers in a knot about) it's like two cautious people circling each other. LOL

There was a Taurus skirting the scenes, but man, we were only talking on the phone, and he was planning our whole future! A total run for the hills for me!

I haven't hurt the Irishman, just showed a bit too much keenness last week.

It's nice to be able to talk about it, and hear other peoples' stories.
Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Endless

just wait a little bit, maybe the venus direct can shine some light on yours and his feeling, I mean, what can you lose anyway, just a couple of days.

that damn mercury though is coming.
Will anybody good ever come? Venus is shit! Then Mercury waiting rubbing it’s hands...eager to screw up! WTF?

Lol
click to expand


well, after december 15 things should be somewhat easy, at least for serious encounters.

and early january should be a good time to hookup with'em, so you sweet talk them in mid december and fuck their brains in january, to celebrate the new year and what not.

also good news everybody, theres no mars or venus retrograde in 2019
Posted by Endless

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Endless

just wait a little bit, maybe the venus direct can shine some light on yours and his feeling, I mean, what can you lose anyway, just a couple of days.

that damn mercury though is coming.
Will anybody good ever come? Venus is shit! Then Mercury waiting rubbing it’s hands...eager to screw up! WTF?

Lol


well, after december 15 things should be somewhat easy, at least for serious encounters.

and early january should be a good time to hookup with'em, so you sweet talk them in mid december and fuck their brains in january, to celebrate the new year and what not.

also good news everybody, theres no mars or venus retrograde in 2019
click to expand
Makes me wish I wasn't dealing with this stuff with the Irishman right now. Oh well, what will be, will be.
Just an update for those who are interested. As suggested by you wonderful folk, I took a deep breath, and stopped stressing.

Then later in the week when I caught up with my Aries fireman, I floated it all by him, and he had some great insight to offer as well. He suggested that I send the Irishman a text at the end of the week, but not too late, keep it simple, unemotional, and suggest if he was so inclined, we could catch up over the weekend. So I did that Thursday, and got an immediate positive response from the Irishman. He invited me out Saturday night with a group of his friends and he asked if any of my friends would like to come too. We had a wonderful night. I liked his friends, he liked mine. Much happiness.

So, everything has recalibrated, I'm not feeling overwrought by imaginary things, and content to let the Irishman take the lead. In the meantime, I'm keeping busy with life, and hanging out with friends, including my Aries fireman, who is a real hoot, and gives great advice!


I think I’m the only sag who does not love aries men😓

Good luck girl, he will come back, just be patient.