An Affair with Married Aries (DOUBLE TROUBLE)
This topic was created in the Aries forum by ariesblues on Saturday, November 10, 2012 and has 16 replies.
I should also add that at times he sometimes seems very insecure, although extremly confident, and will even say it's his own insecurity. Also a bit surprising to me. So I've tried to be conscious of what makes him insecure but then I think he feels smothered. It's like I can't win.
Trust me this is not the situation I wanted to be in and if any of my friends told me they were seing a married man I would totally judge them (before this situation anyway). I fought this for a very long time. I should have added - we are both married and essentially both staying in our marriages because of our small children. Although I have made the decision to stay in my marriage I was not looking for anyone else - single or married.
This may sound weird but the re-assurance I was looking for was that he wasn't seing other people outside of this wife. We have only had sex once during our 3 month relationship and some very good heart to heart discussions so it seemed natural for me to ask the question. I had no idea it would set off the fire works that it did.
I've noticed that we just communicate differently. I have a more soft approach and he is very direct. Which I can appreciate but sometimes its to harsh for me.
This may sound weird but the re-assurance I was looking for was that he wasn't seing other people outside of this wife. We have only had sex once during our 3 month relationship and some very good heart to heart discussions so it seemed natural for me to ask the question. I had no idea it would set off the fire works that it did.
I've noticed that we just communicate differently. I have a more soft approach and he is very direct. Which I can appreciate but sometimes its to harsh for me.
i'm not an aries either but i was married to one who had an affair with a married woman. they're now together. my son lives with them in one country and i live with my daughter in another.
women like you make me sick. why deliberately get involved with someone else's husband at all??? and why did you bother getting married yourself if you would contemplate an affair or sexual 'arrangement' or whatever you want to call your smutty liaisons.
why not think about someone other than yourself. put yourself in your husband's shoes...or his wife's.
cos when you see how destructive things become when one little slip gives you away and you see the pain YOU inflict on the man you PROMISED to be faithful to...it'll be too late to fix things.
no-one's worth it imo. it's cheap, nasty and pointless.
you should both do the decent thing and end your marriages instead of revelling in your infidelity.
women like you make me sick. why deliberately get involved with someone else's husband at all??? and why did you bother getting married yourself if you would contemplate an affair or sexual 'arrangement' or whatever you want to call your smutty liaisons.
why not think about someone other than yourself. put yourself in your husband's shoes...or his wife's.
cos when you see how destructive things become when one little slip gives you away and you see the pain YOU inflict on the man you PROMISED to be faithful to...it'll be too late to fix things.
no-one's worth it imo. it's cheap, nasty and pointless.
you should both do the decent thing and end your marriages instead of revelling in your infidelity.
What kind of answers are you looking for?
You knowingly get involved with a married man and you yourself are married? I don't feel bad about anything you at going through. You are both lying and betraying your spouses yet you want your Aries man to reassure you and keep it real with you. Oh and your not Insecure? Lol the fact that you even mentioned how many men want to be with you and how you aren't insecure shows how insecure you really are. It seems like you constantly need to be validated through men to feel worthy. And yes someone's presence should be enough what does one have to do to be worthy of your presence? Be because you nor him sound like great catches.
Your whole situation screams insecurity and low self esteem. I still can't understand why people choose to stay together for the children.
You knowingly get involved with a married man and you yourself are married? I don't feel bad about anything you at going through. You are both lying and betraying your spouses yet you want your Aries man to reassure you and keep it real with you. Oh and your not Insecure? Lol the fact that you even mentioned how many men want to be with you and how you aren't insecure shows how insecure you really are. It seems like you constantly need to be validated through men to feel worthy. And yes someone's presence should be enough what does one have to do to be worthy of your presence? Be because you nor him sound like great catches.
Your whole situation screams insecurity and low self esteem. I still can't understand why people choose to stay together for the children.
Oh my! Just make it a four some.
Hi AriesBlues.
I saw you were needing an Aries opinion, so I guess I'll drop my two cents in.
I'll be honest, I wouldn't have my hopes too high over a chance at a real relationship with this guy. If he wanted to give you that 'reassurance', you'd have it by now. As an Aries, I know that we say what we mean, and mean what we say... The fact that he avoided giving you your "assurance" shows that he doesn't feel like 'committing' to you is important because , let's be honest... it'll never be a real commitment anyway because you are both married. Now, while I would not engage in this type of extra-marital relationship I can almost certainly say that he felt like you were someone he could just enjoy and not have it be too heavy, because he knows you are both married. You saying that you want it to be purely sexual may have felt like some sort of a letdown, so that could be why he wasn't cool with that. Truth is, anything beyond sex is just gonna be more of a headache for the both of you. Wanna add in the emotional aspect and commitment? Then you should both get divorces and then make it real. However, in the current state of your situation, its best that you don't get hung up on the dream of having this man give you what he really should have given to his wife in the first place.(which we see, he obviously didn't)
Please don't feel bashed, I tried my best to make this as unbiased as possible and not pass (too much) judgement in the process.
If you're gonna step out... Make sure its with someone that's worth it. I don't know what is happening with your marriage, but I am sure your emotional needs are more important to your husband than they are to this guy. He seems to be looking to get something from you that he isn't willing to give in return.
-PV
I saw you were needing an Aries opinion, so I guess I'll drop my two cents in.
I'll be honest, I wouldn't have my hopes too high over a chance at a real relationship with this guy. If he wanted to give you that 'reassurance', you'd have it by now. As an Aries, I know that we say what we mean, and mean what we say... The fact that he avoided giving you your "assurance" shows that he doesn't feel like 'committing' to you is important because , let's be honest... it'll never be a real commitment anyway because you are both married. Now, while I would not engage in this type of extra-marital relationship I can almost certainly say that he felt like you were someone he could just enjoy and not have it be too heavy, because he knows you are both married. You saying that you want it to be purely sexual may have felt like some sort of a letdown, so that could be why he wasn't cool with that. Truth is, anything beyond sex is just gonna be more of a headache for the both of you. Wanna add in the emotional aspect and commitment? Then you should both get divorces and then make it real. However, in the current state of your situation, its best that you don't get hung up on the dream of having this man give you what he really should have given to his wife in the first place.(which we see, he obviously didn't)
Please don't feel bashed, I tried my best to make this as unbiased as possible and not pass (too much) judgement in the process.
If you're gonna step out... Make sure its with someone that's worth it. I don't know what is happening with your marriage, but I am sure your emotional needs are more important to your husband than they are to this guy. He seems to be looking to get something from you that he isn't willing to give in return.
-PV
Oh by the way... I've got an Aries sun... with several planets in Aries(including mercury). So, I'm about as Aries as it gets. LOL.
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
no-one's worth it imo. .
you should both do the decent thing and end your marriages instead of revelling in your infidelity.
I don't mean to spam up your post.. but the above quote rings out in my head... Miss Rig laid out the #Truth
*hugs to my NinjaFishyyy*
when i first met my aries es husband he was actually engaged to an aqua and i was living with someone. i left the man i was with immediately but he succumbed let's say while he was still attached.
he struggled with that to such a degree that although the attraction between us was strong, his loyalty to her was stronger. he kept saying to me....she's done nothing wrong....and it tortured him. he ended things with me and i was heartbroken but respected that and i went back to israel to recover. it was after a few months apart that he contacted me and i went back to england. he'd ended it with her completely....it hurt him too tbh and from that moment we were together officially.
aries are kinda loyal to the nth degree. they aren't usually cut out for cheating although i don't even know that for sure any more considering mine cheated for sure at the end. i'd been with him almost 20 years and when i found out about that affair, it made me question the man i knew. i no longer felt secure in the knowledge that he was faithful as i had been...completely and utterly convinced of. my first reaction on finding out was to be physically sick
anyway. moved on now but it's really not nice to be cheated on....especially when they come out with crap like 'i couldn't help myself' or 'you were being so distant' like it was my fucking fault he couldn't keep his dick in check. cos it's when people are in YOUR position when they CAN help themselves actually.....and that is what you should do.
it's ridiculous to expect a cheater to have any respect or emotional depth of feeling for you. he's a ram ffs....they want the best women to reflect their intense masculinity...they don't do sloppy seconds to my certain knowledge but i guess some are weak enough to 'do' sloppy seconds like you.
he struggled with that to such a degree that although the attraction between us was strong, his loyalty to her was stronger. he kept saying to me....she's done nothing wrong....and it tortured him. he ended things with me and i was heartbroken but respected that and i went back to israel to recover. it was after a few months apart that he contacted me and i went back to england. he'd ended it with her completely....it hurt him too tbh and from that moment we were together officially.
aries are kinda loyal to the nth degree. they aren't usually cut out for cheating although i don't even know that for sure any more considering mine cheated for sure at the end. i'd been with him almost 20 years and when i found out about that affair, it made me question the man i knew. i no longer felt secure in the knowledge that he was faithful as i had been...completely and utterly convinced of. my first reaction on finding out was to be physically sick
anyway. moved on now but it's really not nice to be cheated on....especially when they come out with crap like 'i couldn't help myself' or 'you were being so distant' like it was my fucking fault he couldn't keep his dick in check. cos it's when people are in YOUR position when they CAN help themselves actually.....and that is what you should do.
it's ridiculous to expect a cheater to have any respect or emotional depth of feeling for you. he's a ram ffs....they want the best women to reflect their intense masculinity...they don't do sloppy seconds to my certain knowledge but i guess some are weak enough to 'do' sloppy seconds like you.
I think theoratically we can all agree with R1g, I mean no one wants to be cheated on right? Just like no one wants to be killed or broken up with,but these things happen just the same and believe it or not they make completely sense to the people involved. It's easy to stand on the outside and point fingers. Sometimes I think that if I came in here and said I just killed someone, I'd get a nicer treatment than all these heartbreakers.
And guess what, just because you've been cheated on doesen't mean you've walked in the same shoes. You only know how being cheated on feels, but no situation is the same just like no marriage is the same and no individual is the same! Every "affair" comes with its own set of rules and the only ones who can decide HOW wrong it is are those who are involved. And it's usually two against one, so the third wheel may be the moral victor but it doesen't mean he or she is necesserily right.
Let's take your case, R1g. You say your husband is living with the woman he had an affair with while the two of you were married? And let's say they're happy together, meaning two people who happened to have found eacother under unfortunate circumstances, and in the other corner we have you, whose feelings were hurt by their behaviour.
Aren't two people entitled to their "happiness" even if that hurts one person? Forget about the circumstances for a while, circumstances in life are rarely arranged in a practical way. I say, sorry it happened to you... but do I think they are wrong? Hm
And then we have the million dollar question: Why be with someone if you're gonna cheat on them? Why get married to them to begin with? What is the meaning of life? These questions are not meant to be answered because they are totally meaningless. They would only be relevant if we were machines.
And what's with this "put yourself in his/her shoes". If we would constantly put ourselves in other people's shoes we'd lose sight of ourselves and our own needs. Why not put yourself in the shoes of the cheater and the lover - I mean let's not kid ourselves, cheating is far drom ALWAYS wrong. It brings a lot of heartache into the equation but so does unrequitted love or being broken up with. At least when you've been cheated on you can stop the loving and start the hating, but with unrequitted love you don't even have that luxury! Indeed, life is full of 'unpractical arrangements'.
And guess what, just because you've been cheated on doesen't mean you've walked in the same shoes. You only know how being cheated on feels, but no situation is the same just like no marriage is the same and no individual is the same! Every "affair" comes with its own set of rules and the only ones who can decide HOW wrong it is are those who are involved. And it's usually two against one, so the third wheel may be the moral victor but it doesen't mean he or she is necesserily right.
Let's take your case, R1g. You say your husband is living with the woman he had an affair with while the two of you were married? And let's say they're happy together, meaning two people who happened to have found eacother under unfortunate circumstances, and in the other corner we have you, whose feelings were hurt by their behaviour.
Aren't two people entitled to their "happiness" even if that hurts one person? Forget about the circumstances for a while, circumstances in life are rarely arranged in a practical way. I say, sorry it happened to you... but do I think they are wrong? Hm
And then we have the million dollar question: Why be with someone if you're gonna cheat on them? Why get married to them to begin with? What is the meaning of life? These questions are not meant to be answered because they are totally meaningless. They would only be relevant if we were machines.
And what's with this "put yourself in his/her shoes". If we would constantly put ourselves in other people's shoes we'd lose sight of ourselves and our own needs. Why not put yourself in the shoes of the cheater and the lover - I mean let's not kid ourselves, cheating is far drom ALWAYS wrong. It brings a lot of heartache into the equation but so does unrequitted love or being broken up with. At least when you've been cheated on you can stop the loving and start the hating, but with unrequitted love you don't even have that luxury! Indeed, life is full of 'unpractical arrangements'.
OK, let's hear it! No worries, I can take it. I'm used to it by now 
I think people who cheat have early childhood emotional problems and no partner can fix that. Or they are just selfish.
But I don't blame her for having this affair with a married man. Only she knows what's on her soul or her needs. But the guy is my man. LOL he is only for the fresh kitty.
All this things happen because today there is nothing sacred left in the concept of marriage or sexual intimacy.
But I don't blame her for having this affair with a married man. Only she knows what's on her soul or her needs. But the guy is my man. LOL he is only for the fresh kitty.
All this things happen because today there is nothing sacred left in the concept of marriage or sexual intimacy.
Posted by enfant_terrible
Aren't two people entitled to their "happiness" even if that hurts one person?
if it just hurts one person, i guess but if there are kids involved, no they aren't entitled to their 'happiness' above that of the children they brought into the world.
besides....the OP isn't talking about a love relationship. any feelings involved are one-sided.
Posted by OvS
I think people who cheat have early childhood emotional problems and no partner can fix that. Or they are just selfish.
But I don't blame her for having this affair with a married man. Only she knows what's on her soul or her needs. But the guy is my man. LOL he is only for the fresh kitty.
All this things happen because today there is nothing sacred left in the concept of marriage or sexual intimacy.
too true. it just goes to show what a sham of an institution marriage has become. i don't know why anyone bothers any more.
it bugs me when married women have affairs with married men and expect there to be a 'future' of some sorts in their 'relationship'. it's a fucking joke!!
my ex's affair would've been easier to stomach had it been purely sexual.....and i'm a scorpio saying that...it seriously didn't bother me that part....it was the sneaking around..the intimate dinners...while acting like a jerk at home.
that's why i don't understand why if people cheat and they develop feelings for their cheating partner they don't just act on those feelings...end what they're in...and just get on with it.
relationships end for all sorts of reasons all of which are painful. you can't avoid pain in love at all but you can soften the blow and try and deliver the news as gently as possible to at least show some consideration for the people you leave in bits behind you.
ovs: it looks like you're enjoying taking a piss a little too much in that picture, lol....and is that a cigar? can i take it some alcohol had been imbibed?
R, Happiness is found in small things in life. 
A cuban Cohiba, a glass of 30yo The Balvenie single malt scotch whiskey with 2 ice cubes.
A cuban Cohiba, a glass of 30yo The Balvenie single malt scotch whiskey with 2 ice cubes.
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