Aries Ex Making My Life MISERABLE

This topic was created in the Aries forum by miimii on Monday, September 23, 2013 and has 20 replies.
I was in an 11 year relationship with my Aries ex. We have a 9 year old son. The relationship ended when he put us out the home for a 21 year old girl he cheated on me with. I guess they were together for months before that. I was devastated but I got past it even though they were sending me messages talking about me and how much better she is than me. He said that the 11 years meant nothing to him. They have threatened to take my child away. We've been to court multiple times, which ended in me still having custody. He still wont quit the drama. He said they are engaged and they are going to have kids. I honestly could care less. After everything he put me through I have no respect or any other emotion left for him.
I read that if you break an Aries heart they can become icy and vindictive. He broke up with me so why is he still so dead set on seeing me miserable? We've been apart almost 2 years now...I don't understand
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I really believe that he wants to see me down and out. Its like as long as I'm still breathing without him he is not satisfied. I don't want to live like this until my son gets 18. I'm hoping he does get his vasectomy reversed so they Can have a baby and leave me alone.
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The house was in his name only (he said he didn't trust females). I'm a Cap
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Yes with an eviction letter. There was a lot of cheating on his part over the years. There was physical and verbal abuse. I'm not an angel but I never cheated or hit him. I can be sarcastic and I have facial expressions that he couldn't stand. He made more money and resented me for it. He had a history of violence with his other childs mother but I overlooked it because they were younger at the time and she is an aries as well so they fought each other.
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Age and sign has nothing to do with violence towards another; this is a much bigger character problem and there is nothing that can excuse it.
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I know I should've left a long time ago. The physical wasn't every day so I figured out how not to try and talk to him when he's in certain moods.
He told me before over the years that I would never get over the cheating and hitting and I would always want to bring it up so there was no point in trying to make it work. He told me that he might as well start over with someone new. I didn't know he was looking for my replacement. He never let the others get that close to him or I would call them and they would dump him I guess.
Just don't know what his problem is with me still. I know he was mad that I am no longer keeping the abuse a secret (which he denies).
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Please check your private messages, because since I first read this, there is something that has been bothering me.
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I got a personal protection order against him because of the level of abuse at times. I did not mean for this to be an abuse thread. I was embarassed at first and I should've left the first time but I didn't and its over. He did me a favor actually. His girl says I probably deserved it and it wont happen to her...good luck.
If everyone can try to ignore the abuse part, I don't understand why all the leftover drama. He was extremely mad about the ppo and we went to court. Yhe evidence was there because I took pictures in the later years. Could he be looking at that as a betrayal and wants to hurt me in another way?
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There's nothing wrong with mentioning abuse as that's part of the problem and someone did ask what happened, so you were just answering the question.
One of my cousins was married to an alcoholic who is also abusive, and I believe but don't know for sure if he also cheated. It was emotional and physical. I don't know what their signs are, but they've been divorced forever, yet he still behaves as he did when they were married. Before she remarried, her brother started to accompany her when th ex brought the kids back because he would yell and throw stuff at her. He seems to take pleasure in hurting her. This is what I think the case is with your ex.
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I am not diagnosing but he does seem quite Narcissistic in his behavior. I'm not sure why he won't let you go since he's found new supply (new girlfriend).
My guess is it's all about HIM and HIS image.
He may have projected onto you as the bad person/bad mother to others and now he must see it through which means him getting custody to PROVE your the bad one not him. Not just prove it to others but to himself as well.
He can say to himself and to others she lost custody which automatically disproves your abuse allegations and proves he's not the abusive douchebag in this situation.
Unfortunately there is nothing you can do but as it stands presently he's out to prove to himself and to others he is a good person and the only way to do that is to WIN. Win custody.
That abuse story follows him forever and if he feels miserable over your allegations he's going to make you miserable too.
There is something your still engaging in be it drama with the new woman, heated conversations, still talking about abuse after the break up.
It's different if you haven't spoke one word about him in 2 years and thus he's going out of his way to make your life miserable. I'd say he was mentally deranged but for the most part I dunno what kind of communication you both engage in so it's hard to say really what his problem is.
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Posted by tiki33
I am not diagnosing but he does seem quite Narcissistic in his behavior. I'm not sure why he won't let you go since he's found new supply (new girlfriend).
My guess is it's all about HIM and HIS image.
He may have projected onto you as the bad person/bad mother to others and now he must see it through which means him getting custody to PROVE your the bad one not him. Not just prove it to others but to himself as well.
He can say to himself and to others she lost custody which automatically disproves your abuse allegations and proves he's not the abusive douchebag in this situation.
Unfortunately there is nothing you can do but as it stands presently he's out to prove to himself and to others he is a good person and the only way to do that is to WIN. Win custody.
That abuse story follows him forever and if he feels miserable over your allegations he's going to make you miserable too.
There is something your still engaging in be it drama with the new woman, heated conversations, still talking about abuse after the break up.
It's different if you haven't spoke one word about him in 2 years and thus he's going out of his way to make your life miserable. I'd say he was mentally deranged but for the most part I dunno what kind of communication you both engage in so it's hard to say really what his problem is.



I love your post. I did engage in the beginning because I was extremely hurt. I have a young man to raise so I don't want to get into those past issues and the rehashing of our dysfunctional relationship. He's constantly asking my son who I'm dating. Just yesterday after telling my son that I have to have a boyfriend, he texted me and said he left me so he can be happy. Ok I get it now. You were not happy with me but that was 2 years ago. Why is he still trying to prove how happy he is to me?
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@tiki33 I believe that he had to paint a really bad picture of me to be with her and for her to wait for him. My theory is she gave an ultimatum and he had to put his money where his mouth was. He even went on a facebook rant about me. He had to play the victim in order not to be the bad guy. I wasn't talking about him to anybody except close people to me. My family suspected abuse but I denied it.
I need to stop with this. If I wrote about everything no one would believe it..besides I'm a cap and we are supposed to be smarter than that right?
I been through Hell and it ain't going nowhere no time soon. So sorry for all this...just wanna know if there is an end to the immaturity and hate
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I think it's important your son KNOW not to answer questions like that. You have to tell your son how important it is to ignore his fathers inquisitions about you and your life.
You can make it simple as to where your son understands not to answer those kind of questions. He's old enough now.
Honestly I can't say for sure why he's asking about you and implying he was not happy with you.
My guess is he's a miserable man whose looking for an outlet to abuse secretly again.
You played a big part in witnessing & experiencing his tyrannical control and without that outlet to abuse and control he's miserable so he's looking for someone he can hurt. Hurt people hurt people.
I suspect he's hiding that miserable side of himself to everyone else but with you he can express that secret side of himself without having to explain.
I can't be sure. It's not love though. It's more about him needing someone to be miserable with him, someone he can secretly abuse so he can feel better about himself.
Your son definitely have to learn to show apathy towards his questioning or a simple "I dunno daddy" would suffice.
You're an easy target. Abusers Abuse. They don't stop b/c you leave em. You were the person who took his dysfunctional abusive bullshit and kept it all in, held onto it, hid it so he's attempting to replay that part out with you.
More than anything he miss being your abuser, that is not love nor is it about him missing you.
When a woman leave her abuser well the abuser can't believe it, he can't believe you left for good because he's perfect and your not. You not coming back and seeking a life without says the opposite of needing him which digs into his feelings of low self worth. You hurt him--he must hurt you. All this is made up in his own head.
You leaving reminds him that he's not perfect and if he's a Narcissist (a lot of abusers tend to have some Narcissistic tendencies) A person who believes he's perfect he can't allow you to be happy without him--In his mind he was the reason you were happy and when you no longer need him to be happy well it means he's flawed/not good enough/a loser and abusers abuse to avoid feeling those type of feelings. Does that make sense?
Basically none of it is about you. It's about him. HIM HIM HIM. Rejection tears at the fabric of this IDEAL that he's perfect and happier without you. He was miserable when he was with you and he's still a miserable soul without you.
He need to get a damn
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He need to get a damn life and move on. Hopefully you are not responding to any of it. Let him be miserable inside. Miserable mofo. LOL I would laugh at him behind his back of course.
Ignore him.
Do not allow him to bring you down.
He's annoyed that you managed to NOT NEED him. He was convinced he gave you life and now that you've moved on and created a life of your own w/o him he's envious and jealous (none of that is love), it's more about him and how you moving on makes him feel about HIMSELF.
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Who cares why? He's an asshole who has some serious issues. Quit being a doormat and go live your life and put this dick behind you the best you can.
After being treated like that, you shouldn't care why, just that he stop. I think the reason you want a why is because you're hoping he's still into you, deep down, and that's why he does what he does. This isn't about that. He's just being a vindictive control freak. The end.
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Posted by rockyroadicecream
Who cares why? He's an asshole who has some serious issues. Quit being a doormat and go live your life and put this dick behind you the best you can.
After being treated like that, you shouldn't care why, just that he stop. I think the reason you want a why is because you're hoping he's still into you, deep down, and that's why he does what he does. This isn't about that. He's just being a vindictive control freak. The end.


If that's the impression you have I cannot change that. I know deep down that I would love for him to move on from the threats of taking me back and forth to court, petty arguments and random crazy text messages. I just don't know of anybody who has dealt with this type of madness. No I don't think he's into me nor do I want him to be. I am fine as long as there's no drama.
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Posted by tiki33
I think it's important your son KNOW not to answer questions like that. You have to tell your son how important it is to ignore his fathers inquisitions about you and your life.
You can make it simple as to where your son understands not to answer those kind of questions. He's old enough now.
Honestly I can't say for sure why he's asking about you and implying he was not happy with you.
My guess is he's a miserable man whose looking for an outlet to abuse secretly again.
You played a big part in witnessing & experiencing his tyrannical control and without that outlet to abuse and control he's miserable so he's looking for someone he can hurt. Hurt people hurt people.
I suspect he's hiding that miserable side of himself to everyone else but with you he can express that secret side of himself without having to explain.
I can't be sure. It's not love though. It's more about him needing someone to be miserable with him, someone he can secretly abuse so he can feel better about himself.
Your son definitely have to learn to show apathy towards his questioning or a simple "I dunno daddy" would suffice.
You're an easy target. Abusers Abuse. They don't stop b/c you leave em. You were the person who took his dysfunctional abusive bullshit and kept it all in, held onto it, hid it so he's attempting to replay that part out with you.
More than anything he miss being your abuser, that is not love nor is it about him missing you.
When a woman leave her abuser well the abuser can't believe it, he can't believe you left for good because he's perfect and your not. You not coming back and seeking a life without says the opposite of needing him which digs into his feelings of low self worth. You hurt him--he must hurt you. All this is made up in his own head.
You leaving reminds him that he's not perfect and if he's a Narcissist (a lot of abusers tend to have some Narcissistic tendencies) A person who believes he's perfect he can't allow you to be happy without him--In his mind he was the reason you were happy and when you no longer need him to be happy well it means he's flawed/not good enough/a loser and abusers abuse to avoid feeling those type of feelings. Does that make sense?
Basically none of it is about you. It's about him. HIM HIM HIM. Rejection tears at the fabric of this IDEAL that he's perfect and happier without you. He was miserable when
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Posted by miimii
Posted by rockyroadicecream
Who cares why? He's an asshole who has some serious issues. Quit being a doormat and go live your life and put this dick behind you the best you can.
After being treated like that, you shouldn't care why, just that he stop. I think the reason you want a why is because you're hoping he's still into you, deep down, and that's why he does what he does. This isn't about that. He's just being a vindictive control freak. The end.


If that's the impression you have I cannot change that. I know deep down that I would love for him to move on from the threats of taking me back and forth to court, petty arguments and random crazy text messages. I just don't know of anybody who has dealt with this type of madness. No I don't think he's into me nor do I want him to be. I am fine as long as there's no drama.
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Then stop worrying about "why?" I get that there's inquisitiveness in any situation because that's just how we function- need to better understand and want that closure to move on. However, with the abusive, psychotic behavior, you shouldn't want a why, just that he be gone. Chalk it up to all his various issues and then laugh because this jack ass has to live with these tendencies. Not you.
On the flip side, I had to deal with a very emotionally abusive Cap. I got so sick of his shit that I kicked him to the curb and basically told him to fuck off and never talk to me again. He tried once or twice to weasel his way into harassing me again, but I made it clear I wasn't having any of it. At that point, I didn't give a shit about "why." The dude was basically nuts and I didn't want to waste any more time on such a character.
Step one for you- quit being a doormat.
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I have to agree that the why's do not matter. He is doing it because he can. What you must do is get your mind focused off the why or you really haven't moved on at all.
Your priority is your son and any other kind of communication must never be answered but you can save all this information to show against in him court.
You know he's toxic and abusive so his behavior really isn't a mystery, his behavior falls right in line with being an angry, miserable, toxic man so asking why will never bring you closure.
He's an abuser and he's still abusing by creating misery in your life. You allowing yourself to feel miserable means he's still running your life, controlling your time and energy.
He's not even worth thinking about to be honest. The abuse alone that you endured should be enough reasons to not care about his toxic behavior.
Focus on possibly dating again, building a great life which includes being happy. Happiness is the best reven
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All you can do is to create a stable environment for you and your son. That is your main job. You are not in charge of analyzing your Ex's crazy. You have better things to do. I am Aries woman with a Cap Moon so, I understand where you are coming from. However, once kids enter the picture we have to shut down our over-analysis and focus on them. Good luck on your journey.
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