Aries Fire, Aries Ice

My beau has been stressed out lately and he's been focusing on work. He has a seasonal job so winters are tough. A few weeks back I told him my future plans and they're BIG!...like moving out of the country big. Initially he was on board, but he took a step back and started to evaluate his wants and needs. In his last relationship, he gave a lot of himself to his gf and did things based on her dreams rather than his own.

Anyway, because I'm a friggin genius, I convinced him that it might be worthwhile for him to go back to school which sorta brings us further apart than closer together. I'd mentioned his going cause I want to go for my MBA. Problem is, when I started talking about the schools I wanted to go to and the fact that I'd like to live overseas, although my plan sounded great to him, although he initially was amped about it, I think it sorta freaked him out.

So he said that he didn't feel he was good enough for me 😢 and that we should slow down. First, how the hell am I rushing things is what I told him. The plan I shared with him was 16-months and it kept us more apart than together. It gave us more independence than dependence. So I figured, hey, a chick that's not trying to rush you to the alter and what you to better yourself. Why is that a bad thing?

Before this slow down of course, I also explained that my plans are dreams and that in terms of where I end up living, nothing is set in stone. That for me, I have to set a goal in order to stay focused and the bigger the goal, the more focused I am. Even if I fall short, I still succeed. He seemed to understand this and things were well between us...just different.

He has become hyper-focused on work, working out, whatever... We're connecting less and less and I dunno if I'm overreacting or what. In a way, everything seems normal but it's simply less...less attention, less everything. It's all complicated and the "keep it movin" part of me deleted his number. The, "no, you really do like this guy so fix this" wants me to calm down and see what happens.

Based on what I've said, what do you guys think?

nonono - he's always wanted to go to school. when i started looking into getting my mba, i looked up some programs for him as well. turns out, there's a 2+2 program that allows him to continue working. it's perfect and in the field he's always wanted to go into. so the school isn't the issue. it's the fact that our schools maybe in different areas. i can't guarantee that i will get in a particular mba program. i either get accepted or i don't. so it's not about my trying to change him.

in fact, he's become more focused on himself since we started talking about it. he was in an 8 year relationship before that he invested a lot in and forsaking a lot of his personal dream/desires/etc. he's weary about doing that again which is why he said we should slow down. he wants to make sure his decisions are for him...as i am making sure that my decisions are for me.

we're indirectly working together but there are so many variables that we can't know until we know. so i just wonder if he's lost steam. i mean he was chasing hard in he beginning and again, this are the same, but different. just a lot less...of everything and i'm not exactly sure why. he says he's focusing on work/working out. plus he's stressed financially. if it's as simple as that, ok. but i can't tell if there's something more to it. and yes, i've asked him. he says, he's just focused on work/working out.

^^sorry things are the same not this

lol, u picked up on that huh? yes, i'm a sap. extreme like/love is my achilles heel. as long as i don't fall, i can remain a rock. afterward though, i'm more of a pebble...not deadly but i can still put your eye out 😉

i do feel i might be too worried as im stressed at the moment and i want attention...NOW! which is making me a helluva lot more sensitive than i normally would be. i also just remembered that he applied for a job that he really wanted and he's supposed to find out this week if he got it. so i'm sure that's weighing heavy on him.

relationships are nerve-wracking. caring about other people's feelings 😛 who invented them and why....why!?

well, i have to plan ahead for my professional life. as far as boys are concerned tho, not so much which is sorta why i don't get what he spazzed out about. if we come together, we come together. if we don't, we don't. you do you, i'll do me but that doesn't mean we have to call it quits now.

i dunno, he just sent me some cryptic text about the job...actually he sent it two hours ago but i deleted his number and didn't recognize the dingy 😛

aries in venus SUCKS! it makes me all...wrong. anyhoo, thanks 365. you're right. i need to relax and be patient. HA! an impatient taurus...HA!

UGH! he got me.

his neighbor had a heart attack. if it's who i think it is, it's an elderly couple that lives nearby and that he's fairly close to. and then a child at his church passed away. he hasn't sent me the details yet. i guess i'll call or leave a msg...something...

now i feel like a jackass 😛

First and foremost.... aries move at their own pace. most of the time it's at a fast pace, but every-now-and-then, we move at a very, very, very slow pace. WE have a tendancy to procrastinate when we want to. Sounds like he has things to wrap up in his life, so I would give him that.

And it does sound like you are being a bit pushy. Yes, you have big plans, but Aries is the last sign to push around, Ms. Taurus......

And if he is disconnecting himself from you, he is consciously sending out the message that he needs space. He needs his own time and space. If he says that he's not good enough for you, that is a big red flag there.... he is telling you that you are putting him up on a pedistal and he feels like you are placing great expectations on him. Put yourself in his shoes for a moment...... think about how you would be feeling if he was doing this to you.

And that is not Aries ice..... Aries ice will make you go numb. Aries ice will not have you analyze shit after we freeze ourselves up to you. So, don't push him. Because if you do care about him, then you will take your time with him.

That's what my Virgo is teaching me..... taking my time, rather than rush things. Everything has it's time and place, and I know that the Virgo and I can work out, so why should I rush anything? This way, I'm respectful of his space, and he's respectful of my space, and we can figure out how to meet in the middle. Balance is a key word....

well i can tell you one thing, he's turning into a Bible thumper. lately, whenever i have a personal issue and i share the details via email, he responds with a Bible verse. hmm...so at what point do i clarify that i'm a heathen?

thanks M.I.A 🙂 yeah, i don't think "ice" was a fair description of his behavior. it's just he was on the attack for like 4 months and he slowed down abruptly. if he had been moving at a slow pace from jump, i don't think it would've been a big deal. it would've been more along my pace tbh. in essence this is all his fault. he spoiled me and he's like all changing and stuff and taurus doesn't like change...computer says nooooooooooooo!

as far as me pushing him, i think for the first time in a long time someone has asked him "what do you want out of life?" and actually cared about the answer. my telling him my personal goals isn't a push, it's a declaration. you either come with or you don't. if his goals and my goals aren't in tandem, if we can't find a way for our goals to merge, then we don't need to be together...no hard feelings, move on.

it'd be no different than meeting a guy who doesn't want kids. i do. my telling him that i want babies isn't a push. it's what i want. i'd be willing to change my mind on the number if he's willing to change his mind period. but if he doesn't want kids, i'm not going to force/push him to be with me. in fact, i respect him for telling me now vs being hurt/disappointed later.

what i'm gathering is, he likes to follow the bouncing ball. he sees something shiny and he runs head first into it. see something else, run in a different direction. that is so not taurean style . i feel like clapping my hands loudly while saying "focus, focus please."

If he is becoming hyper focused on something, that means that there is a lot more turmoil in his personal life than what meets your eye. Aries are proud people, so we will not elaborate exactly what our issue is, mainly because we can't pin-point it to one thing, we just see things as a collective unit and how we play a role in our own destiny.

We are active signs...... if he is becoming a bible thumper, as you put it, this hyper focus is another example that he needs his space. Trust me, I've gone through that spell before. It was due to not making any sense of what was going on around me, and it was affecting me on the inside too much, that I needed clarity. Church, the aspect of God, forgiveness, a heightened sense of one self.... this is what he needs right now.

I'm telling you, something is going on in his life that you have no idea about..... and you being close to him will not know about it either. We will push away those who are the closest because they know us. He doesn't want to be known right now... he's searching for something.

Play it cool...... don't be disruptive!!!! He will resent you for it, if you do.

@M.I.A - you're spot on chicky. he has said that i don't understand or that he has a lot going on that he doesn't want to get into. fortunately for him, i already know what it is for the most part. i listen VERY well 😉 of course i don't know all the details of the each and every one of the complexities he's currently facing...that part, the nuts and bolts of the problems he's not ready to share with me but i think once he gets clear of it, he will. he's been pretty raw/honest with some really personal stuff so i wouldn't expect him to change that.

i guess it bothers me that he's comparing himself to me. something i tend to run into with guys. the fire signs of course being the absolute WORST. my sag brother HATES me and has for a long time. why? jealousy is what it all comes down to. and he has nothing to be jealous of. i guess he just feels like if he were me, he'd be doing better with my life than i am. i dunno.

so, i fear that he's encouraged by me but i don't want to be in a situation where he feels he has to change in order to keep up...rather than changing because it's something he wants for himself.

overall, i would like to support him and i know giving him space is a part of that. i think i'm abnormal in the sense that i can go long periods without needing/realizing that i haven't spoken to someone...beaus included. i mean i could go 2-3 weeks without seeing my leo-ex and the only reason i realized i hadn't seen him in a while is that i was PMSing and horny 😛 of course in those moments, i wanted him there NOW! and that's when i'd throw a bit of an adult trantrum. i'm trying to avoid my "I'm the Princess" fits with the aries and it's difficult.

ok so basically, if he's being distant, and there is seemingly no reason for the distance, then i shouldn't question him as to why? i should just give him his space and let him work through it?

*sigh* you know, men are such prima donnas.

@365 - you left your taurus because you were self-centered too?

Posted by tubbyscubby
@365 - you left your taurus because you were self-centered too?

lol... I love wit!!!!

lol...yes, i can be handful but what woman isn't? this is me and the leo. start at 1:40 🙂




but i hear what you're both saying and i'll try to go easy on him from now on and not take his time off so personal.

something that I've experienced amongst men is that some can't handle a very strong, independent women who has sensative needs too. I work in a male dominated industry. I'm a line cook, and the work can be brutal. It's very competative, there's alot of pressure, brutal, hard work with long hours, and then there's after work associations that ties in with the life style .

I have run into many problems with the guys on the line, because I'm fucking good at what I do, and most of them can't handle that I can challenge and be competitve too. I'm not saying it as a sexist thing, becuase I'm not threatened by it, but I do know that it throws them off, because their perception of a female is of a conventional one, and I'm unconventional. My whole approach is unconventional. It's my biggest fault... it's my greatest strength and my greatest weakness.

I've never thrown a "I'm a princess" fit.... I've witnessed it too often from my female friends, and to be honest, it's confusing and compelling at the same time. Talk about pussy whooping a guy!!! But because I am such a strong character, I'ld rather that my man stands up to my strengths, because I will respect him for it. He may piss me off to my extremes, but he will have my respect. If a man doesn't have my respect, he's better off disappearing for good, because I will treat him like a little bitch.

The biggest thing that I've learned is to do me. You should do you.... I don't understand why your brother would hate you!!! That is harsh..... is he doing well in his life, or is it because you are such a strong character that you may have pushed him away a bit?

As far as letting your Aries work through it, yes. Give him his space, but most importantly, his time. WE are impatience, but we are hypocrits when it comes down to OUR time and how fast WE choose to move. Stay in contact with him, keep doing what you're doing, but you want to show him that you're stable. If he continues this for too long, then give him a kick in his balls, because then he's just being a bitch.

Let me know how things turn out....

@M.I.A - my brother has been jealous of me since we were younger. i'm not saying he doesn't like his life, i just think that he envisioned more for himself and is envious of my ability to do more. he's wishing he had taken his education more seriously and resents me for...i dunno. i don't care. his kids are important to me and hopefully vice versa. beyond that, it's whatever.

although i don't currently work around guys, i used to and i TOTALLY get what you're saying. the level of competition is high and it's like you're in a perpetual pissing contest. in a work environment, it's all good...for the most part but in all situations, the minority, the woman, the handicapped, the racial/cultural minority, has to work that much harder and it sucks. i used to hate going to happy hour with my coworkers...ALL male. i mean, i can be one of the guys but i don't like drinking around men...i don't like drinking around my boss. there were just so many nuts...literally 😛 i had to call it quits. but i didn't love what i was doing, you do.

--

the clip was from the scene where arnold has the kids play "policeman" and they have to get a toy and take it back to the carpet. there's one little girl who keeps playing with the doll and he tells her to take the toy back to the carpet. she says, "I'm not a policeman, I'm a princess." arnold ends up yelling at her and she relents.

my princess fits are purely hormonal. i can't imagine being this way all the time but yes, during those moments, i will pout if i don't get my way. i won't say it's pretty but i don't ask for much and when i do ask, someone better come a runnin.

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independence isn't the problem. silence/rudeness/lack consideration is. so yeah, there's something hypocritical about his approach to space. if i don't answer the phone, i get several calls throughout the day with long ass voicemails...not to mention txts. yet, i call him once every few days and i feel like i'm being intrusive. it's not fair 😛

it's OVAH! i emailed him last night to tell him that i could no longer deal with the distance he was creating.

what had happened was, he started a new job, found Jesus, was freaked about about my saying that i might want to move overseas and he started to pull away. primarily after the whole leaving the country thing. so he went from red hot to barely a spark. when we'd talk, he made it seem as if nothing was wrong though. he was just busy...work, working out, stuff...

so about two weeks ago on a sunday he called me. conversation went well. the next three days, i text him, call a few times, no response. by wednesday i'm PISSED! i mean you can't say hello bitch!?!?! so i text him and i say i don't understand why it's so difficult for him to say hello.

he texts back and says something like, what are you whining about lol.

i text him back and say we both deserve to be happy. i left it at that. i think he called me later that night. i didn't answer.

so darn near two weeks go by. no correspondence from either of us. scratch that, i think i sent him some random aries fwd. beyond that, nothing from him.

i sent him my FUQ YOU BITCH I HOPE YOU DIE! email last night which was really a, i hope that you're well, that work is going well, this is just to notify you that we are no longer exclusive but good luck!, email. i wish i could be curse him out but, what will that solve?

so, that was like a day or two ago. i can't remember. still haven't heard back from him. i'm feeling a bit...raw from it all. i mean, he just decided to stop talking to me and i to him and at first i was like, he's waiting me out. when i'm pouting, he's the type of sick bastard to let it go on until i get pissed enough to say something. but now, i dunno.

i care but i don't. i considered him a good friend so on that level, i care. but relationship wise, if it's wrong, i gotta get out ASAP! maybe i should've been more...something but i don't want to. time to start anew. saw a cute pisces today and he's foreign 🙂

OMG! I know exactly what you mean, seriously I'm starting to think all Aries males behave the same way, and it's like >:O WAKE THE FUCK UP CAN'T YOU SEE A GOOD THING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!. Sorry I'm venting but hey I got a cute Scorp and a Cap I'm checking out.

hahaha... tubby, are you on facebook—? You and I are similar in some very dramatic ways.....

hahahaha

nah M.I.A. i don't do social networks. only more ways for folks to track ya down and stalk the shit out of you.

so newsflash! guess who's on her period!?!!??!

nature is a BITCH! literally. i mean, when i flip the fuq out, i swear this bitch is in hovering around somewhere with her evil ass.

thanks AA. you know, that's just it. if he had decided he didn't want to bother anymore, he could've said so. what bothered me is that he acted as if nothing was wrong. his behavior totally changed but he acted like i was overreacting. and that type of weirdo shit drives me crazy.

i can't "fix"/change/"tell you the number of ways to go fuck yourself" if i don't know what's wrong.

and i do get shutting off/down. that's why it really didn't phase me so much that his behavior had changed. maybe he needed me to like show i cared or some shit? i don't do that well. that's his job. he's the man.

like i said, there could've been a multitude of reasons. it definitely didn't have to end though. i've never been so baffled in my life as to why a situation went wrong but i'm not going to beg anyone for anything. i'm sure that i hold some blame, somewhere. i have no clue where though so that's why i gave up.

looking back, i definitely could've been more proactive and reciprocated more. he definitely put himself out there early on and didn't get much in return. it's not that i didn't care for him. i just can't go full force into a relationship like that.

oh well, maybe in a weak moment i'll send him another email but for now, i don't see the point.

i guess i should ask for recommendations?

he used to serenade me. would send me songs he made up on his guitar...would sing to me. he was so sweet.

his dog got sick. she needed surgery. he did something to piss me off. i bought some shoes with the money i was going to send him.

oooooooooooooooh, i'm soooo evil!

ooook, i sent the aries a, "sorry i wasn't more mushy" email. worked on it on and off all night. ok, i'm lying, i wrote it like 20 min before i went to bed but it was really nice...ok, it was as nice as i could muster. basically said he's a good guy and that i did recognize his effort during the relationship and blah...

where i think i could've been more mushy, i don't think that was the biggest issue. he complained about money...a lot and would say that i didn't understand the situation but he didn't want to explain further. ultimately, i think his finances were still wrapped up in his ex, he's a seasonal worker, the economy is in the crapper...small business woes. that i understand, but the complexities of his situation i didn't and i think whatever the issues, he wasn't clear of them yet and didn't see himself getting clear of them soon otherwise, he would've been more forthcoming. i mean, dude told me every detail of his sordid past but he could only share freely stuff he'd overcome.

anyway, part of me feels like i need to curse him out and be very stern to get his attention and the other part....eh. this is one situation i really would like a clean break from but it takes two to accomplish that and he's not playing ball. he's supposed to start working next month. his money should be right then. maybe he'll start feeling more confident at that point because right now, he seems so consumed with money issues and i know for me, when that's not right, i don't necessarily withdraw but i stop trying in relationships.

thanx for reading.

he called this morning. i picked up the phone. heard noise, said "hello" a few times. no answer. hung up.

i called him back. i asked him if he meant to call me. he said yes.

he said that he's "been getting some weird emails" from me.

that his "heart is broken."

that he was "testing me."

i said, oh, you were testing me for 2 weeks. what if i hadn't responded for a month...what then? he said something....i dunno, don't remember. he was on his way to work and said he would call me later if i wasn't busy.

WTF? "test?" what the hell was he testing? why would he test? i don't get this shit. i don't like games on any level and this has been going on for at least 2 months. i don't know what he needs/wants from me.

at this point, even though it's been...like a day or two since i decided that i could take no more, when i'm done, i'm done. maybe things will change when we talk later but for now, i just want to move on.

add that to the fact that my aqua ex sent me some random pic of him with his shirt off (wtf?)...that trick.

i'm not looking for "easy" but this is just too much. men are so difficult.

thanks. yeah. i just don't have time energy to deal with dysfunctional relationships anymore. it's not that this can't be repaired it's just that now, if a guy starts to pull away, for whatever reason, my feelings evaporate far more quickly. and i feel this is a major accomplishment for me...being a taurus and all.

anyhoo, i'll wait until i talk to him later. i think the "testing me" was more along the lines of "i can't believe you broke up with me." as i said, things were fine, just a lot less of everything without any explanations as to why.

i don't think i want to get back into an exclusive arrangement with him though. not right now.

He's testing because he doesn't think you give 2 shits about him so he wanted to see effort on your part. You don't really talk about him like you care about him or the relationship and I??ve never really been able to tell if you genuinely like him. I can't pin down the reasons but I would have acted the exact same way he did in this situation. I know you were just tossing around possible scenarios for the future (school and moving) but you sounded uninterested in including him in your life and unflexable. The only thing I can compare your situation to is if, for example, I was dating a guy and we were lounging around talking and he said that he didn't want kids. It wouldn't matter if we were dating 3 months or 6 years, I??d shut down. I wouldn't know if he was saying it in jest or didn't think before he spoke or if he genuinely meant it. I??d feel silly bringing it up if the relationship were brand new because it's not like I want kids any time soon either and we aren't serious, but if he really never wants kids, what am I wasting my time with him for if this relationship doesn't have the potential to move forward in the same direction?

I think you care WAY more than you??ll ever admit but you don't want to give in and let him know how deep your feelings run because that would make you vulnerable and that would mean giving up some control. You mask your hurt with anger and only communicate the things you don't like. When you sent your —mushy?? email he called because that's probably what he wanted to hear. I don't think anybody would blame for not wanting to put forth the effort to make this work because this is a tough spot to be in. I also don't blame you for being annoyed that he's testing you and wasn't upfront in communicating his problems in the relationship with you. Shutting you out was not the right way for him to handle this problem.

Just to put this out there, but what are the signs you pick up on that help you know that somebody likes you/cares about you? And would you stay in a relationship with somebody who didn't care whether you stayed or left?

ewe,

yes, i genuinely like dude 😛 do i care more for him than i'm letting on? naaaah.

as far as my future plans, i did include him. i asked him if he would be interested in something like this...could he see himself in another country. initially, he was gung ho. but then when i started talking about the actual planning...i think that dampened his fire a lil bit. maybe it just boils down to aries being spontaneous and taurus being more methodical/practical? he wanted to just go. i want to like...plan.


what are the signs you pick up on that help you know that somebody likes you/cares about you? And would you stay in a relationship with somebody who didn't care whether you stayed or left?
i know someone likes me when i become a necessary part of their daily life.

and nope, i wouldn't which is why mr. aries could be on his way out. i have written this jackass a number of emails, we have had a number of discussions where i have tried to figure out what the hell was going on with him...with us. i have tried giving him space, i've tried being supportive from afar and at the end of it, he wants to test me further?

i get that he might need more from me but taking emotion away to get emotion out of me, that doesn't work for me...not anymore. i wont run at the first sign of drama but i'm not going to feed into it either. if he wants some bitch to run after him, get another dog.

he called earlier. i called him back not too long ago. conversation was short. i was being passive aggressive i guess. i didn't have much to say. i guess i'm still disappointed or am i "done."

he tried to talk as if i didn't send the emails....maybe that was the problem?

he goes on to talk about how busy he's been with work...working all these shifts, tired, sick, etc...in other words, trying to explain his absence while simultaneously not bringing up the emails.

i dunno what to say to him at this point. i really would like to move on but not for legit reasons i guess. i mean sure, he's been a jackass lately and i do have a heart 3 sizes too small but if he corrects his behavior and i were more...warm, things could improve...yes? ugh! i don't want to do this anymore.

aries in venus and mars and mercury SUCKS! when the switch is OFF, it's off, ripped out of the wall, intricately taken apart then bashed over and over again with a sledgehammer until there's nothing but dust.

he used to make me happy and now...pffffffffft