Confused by my Aries Guy

This topic was created in the Aries forum by TSlove on Thursday, January 10, 2013 and has 28 replies.
I have been dating an Aries man for about 3 months now. I met him online and everything is good. We spend almost every day together, and when we are not together he texts and calls a lot to say really sweet things. He talks about me to his friends and family a lot. We have already gone on a trip together and talk about plans together. He has begun to introduce me to his friends and wants me to meet his family. I am meeting his Dad at the end of the month and he has asked me on a trip with his Brothers and Sisters. Nice right?? except..There is only one problem. He still has his online profile up and he still goes on pretty regularly. About 6 weeks after we met I got tired of getting all of the email online and had a couple of stalkers so I decided to hide my profile until I see where my aries and I go. I mentioned this to him and he kind of acted like he didn't even hear what I said. So like an idiot I decided to go on the site about a week later just to see if he had also hidden his profile. Well he not only hadn't hidden it but he was online at that very moment. I mentioned to him that I was having a hard time with online dating because normally you would never know if someone is dating other people or not and how disturbing it is to have it right in your face. He was so touched by the fact that I even cared and opened up his profile to show me that he has not had communication with anyone else since we met. I thought he would then hide his profile but he still has not. I am having a hard time understanding this behavior and am hoping that someone here can give me some insight into why he would be doing this when he seems to be so into me. Today has been the worst yet. Within a few hours after I left his house he was online and had his chat feaure turned on. Where before it was turned off. The really weird thing though is that he was only on it for just a few mintutes and immediately afterwards I get a text message from him telling me he misses me. I know that I should just talk to him about it, but I did that once and I want him to go off the site without me having to ask him because he wants to. I really want to trust him but I'm having a really hard time with this. Is it too soon for me to expect him to hide his profile? Am I asking too much? Speak of the devil...he is texting me right now. :-)
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No, I have not asked him to hide it, but I did tell him that it hurt my feelings to see him online. That is why he showed me that he hasn't been talking to anyone else since he met me. He has not asked me to be exclusive though either. All of his actions when we are together and when we are apart says that we are. He always tells me what he is doing without me even asking and treats me more like a girlfriend than men I have dated for years. That is why I'm so confused. I have been hoping that conversation will come up but I don't think it will ever come up if I leave it up to him.
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What about you? do you treat him like a boyfriend?
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Yes, I totally do. I always let him lead the pace of the relationship but I'm totally open and responsive to him. I'm sensitive to his needs and pretty much spoil him. When we are together I am constantly touching him which he says that he loves. When we are not together he tells me that he feels addicted to me because the minute I walk out the door he wishes I hadn't left. I feel like he is kind of struggling to keep his independence and that he tests me a lot to see if I will let him have his space and freedom but when he tries to be away from me he doesn't really want the space. He will say he is going to go visit his family for a few days (like over the holidays for example) texts and calls me the entire time he is there and then ends up coming back early and asks me to be at his house waiting for him when he gets home. Maybe I am just totally overthinking this. I think I'm just nervous because I dated a man before that I totally trusted that I thought completely loved and adored me and he ended up cheating on me because he was so insecure and needed too much attention. I definitely have some trust issues. LOL!!
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Ha Ha!! Love your photo OvS. That's hysterical!!
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I think it's really funny that both of the comments I have gotten so far are from Aries Men wanting to know what it is that I have done wrong. LOL!!!
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I am a scorpio and I rarely fall in love but when I do I'm all in. This is the second aries I have been in love with. The last one was my first real adult love.
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You did nothing wrong and I don't see what is the problem. He might be a little insecure. that's all. enjoy. If you're a scorpio fuck his brains out like only you scorps know and he'll forget about the whole internet era.
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Thanks OvS!! I do think you are right about him being a little insecure. He sees the way other men look at me and I don't think he likes it. He told me that he actually broke up with someone once because he didn't want to have to compete with other men over her. I go out of my way to make sure that he doesn't have to feel jealous and make sure that he knows that he is the only man I want which is hard for me when I see that he is still online. It makes me want to go back online so that he can see how it feels but I know that would for sure backfire right in my face. I also don't think he is used to the intensity of a scorpio and I think I am freaking him out a little. I feel I am being very open with him but he sees me as being mysterious and secretive and he can't figure me out. And as for as the sex...He actually told me the other day that he needs a break from sex for a couple of days and that it was a first for him to ever say that. LOL
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Ok Aries people, I need your advice. I have been trying to remain cool and forget about the online thing so it doesn't effect our "fun" I am fairly sure that he is not dating anyone else. Not yet anyway. But...after just spending the whole weekend together, I checked to see if he went online and he did. He then proceeded to text me all night long too. It was all I could do not to completely ignore him, because I was so mad at him. Lol. I keep reminding myself that he really isn't doing anything wrong since we have not had the "talk". Now my dilemma...I am going out of town for business and some pleasure too for almost 3 weeks and I am really worried about if he will be dating others while I'm gone. I'm sure he is thinking about what I will be doing too. My question is, should I have the exclusivity talk with him before I go or should I just be silent and let him out there to date and experiment all around if he wants to for the 3 weeks and hope that he realizes that I am the only one he wants to see because he misses me so much and have the talk when I get back? What would you do?
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What's his moon/venus sign? sounds like my friend. She's with an Aries, met on a dating site. He deleted his profile when he met her(don't know why, maybe he wasn't looking anymore) till maybe the 3rd month? (I cant remember)..and she hid her profile to focus on him. In the fourth month(last month) she wanted to check out the site & saw his new profile. They're still together & she hasn't asked about his new profile. hmmp irregardless of sign, anyone who does that is keeping his options open...or looking for a backup girl/guy if the rship ends. or something is lacking in the current one and he's keeping her until he gets someone he likes more. Whatever it is, you should have the Talk..exclusive or not.
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Girl... you need to stop looking at his page on that website. The only person you are affecting is yourself, why torture yourself everyday and have your ego be offended because he still has his profile up? You are upset because he is not reacting by doing what you wanted him to do.... it may or may not be a scorpio control thing, and it may or may not be an aries rebellion thing in that we do not like to have other people control us. We are self governing, and the more someone tries to make us do something, the more we do it just to show them we will not be controlled. You need to get over this, because it sounds like you're heading for level 7 crazy over nothing. Stop looking at that page and forget about it and then he'll probably do what needs to be done out of his own. And anyway, maybe he's made some friends on there... stop being 'that' girl! You're going to start sounding like an irrational stalker if you carry on with this for much longer.
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*the more someone tries to make us do something, the more we DON'T do it... just to show we will not be controlled by someone else.
Edit button please admins smile
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If my Aries was pulling all the stops likes yours i would give two hecks about that website. Honestly. Especially if nothing is etched in stone yet anyway. If you and him have not made a committment yet then i'd leave it be and enjoy my time with him. If you want more just ask, Aries are very blunt. He'll let you know whats up. This is what i like most about them no secretes no games.
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Make him in love with u... see if he will stop looking & leave the website.
Him being there is a sign that he's looking for others.
Get real people, it's a dating site.... people don't go there to make friends!
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*and a sign that something is lacking.
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I have made two male friends on a dating site and nothing has ever happened with either of them. I am getting real. Aries likes to meet new people and chat to lots of people. Doesn't mean we wanna get in everyone's pants.
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We'll have to agree to disagree on that. People go to dating sites to date, they make frienship by chance.
What's more important is the thought of him not caring of how that would make you feel. Have you both slept together? If you both are just dating and not in a relationship, then he has the right to do that. If you have been sleeping together, respect yourself and have the Talk.
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right! What she ^^ said. I agree. If you wanna know where you stand ask. Aries does not play around in that area, he'll tell you if he see's it going past sex or whatever, if not he'll let you know. But you wont know if you dont ask.
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It sounds like you're still on probation and that he's keeping his options open in case you turn out to be level seven cray cray.
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He's still chasing tail online, I agree with a few others such as Lotuslilily, night and Applemint.
I think you are too far ahead of him and did the wrong thing when you closed your options down for a guy that's still cruising the net looking for whatever and you can best believe it's not friendship, it's sex, it's anything that's better than you, he's still looking, that's the truth. When a man is taking good care of himself he is not going to care about you and your feelings or he'll care about your feelings but put his feelings FIRST and his feelings direct his decisions which is to keep looking for better.
I don't know how much you've invested in mentally and emotionally but if you've decided that he's the one whilst he hasn't made up his mind about you yet, well you're screwed b/c you are in love all by yourself and he's pulling your strings by giving you mixed messages ie he's online looking for women but giving you the appearance he's being faithful when really he's using the internet as a back up plan.
If you like him, want to keep the relationship then let it go but if it bothers you then yeah you should back pedal on the boyfriend/girlfriend bit and just be friends, this will free you to keep your options open, if you feel you deserve the best, you deserve a man that will not stray in your face or behind your back then keep it moving, keep dating, he's out there but don't settle.
You can't change a man's mind, not even love will keep him from doing what he feel he need and want to do for himself so don't even go there, your best option is to either ignore it, put your profile up and stay online as well, keep your options open whilst still being with him or move on altogether.
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Lastly if a man is not changing a little bit behaviorally for you, trying to fix the issue then "he's not that into you". Men that love and is in love, have some fear of losing a good thing would adjust, the mere fact that he's not even trying to be respectful by altering how he appear online means he's not that into you as far as being completely one on one with you and only you, he may even have an addiction to dating sites and the whole showing you his emails was BS, I'm sure he had enough time to clean it all up, this isn't his first rodeo regarding his internet behavior.
Some men want a woman to take a hint, they don't always come out and say let's be friends and have sex sometimes, they communicate through there actions mostly and hope we women get the hint and yet we don't get the hint (many of us) so we keep trying which inevitably makes us look desperate so TAKE THE HINT, he's not that into you, not enough to stop hurting your feelings.
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Just got back from my 3 week trip thanks for all of your responses. Before I left we were taking a walk on the beach and he was teasing me about deleting all the evidence of all the men from my pictures before I come home. I said me?? You are the one who is going to be online looking for dates the whole time. Then I told him that I wanted him to go out with as many women as possible while I was gone so that he would see that I was the only woman that he wanted to be with. He got in a really good mood after that and kept telling me he was going to miss me. I totally restrained myself from looking to see if he was online while I was gone until today. LOL!! I was surprised to see that he was not online. I don't think he has any desire to see anyone else, but I'm not stupid. I do feel like he is struggling with whether or not he wants to be in a serious relationship again since his divorce (3 years ago). His ex was very jealous and controlling and would not let him have any freedom at all. I feel like he totally tests me all the time to make sure I'm not going to be that way. While I was gone he was sick for a few days and he told me that his friend that lives in his building (a girl) brought him soup one day and they watched movies all day. He has talked about this girl in the past as being a friend of the family and she has a boyfriend, but I saw a picture of her and she is very pretty. I just told him I was so glad that he had someone to take care of him while he was sick. Yesterday I told him that I got invited to a wedding in Rome and he asked me when the date was because he was planning on traveling around Europe for a couple of months and that maybe he could meet me there. I know he can't get 2 months off from work so I don't know what the hell he is talking about. LOL. I really think he just tells me these things to see how I will react. I think he just needs to know that I am O.K. with his independence but doesn't really want it because he wants to be around me 24 hours a day. I was reading a compatability chart for Aries and Scorpio and it said that "Aries likes to take charge while Scorpio likes to be in control. Though in the beginning of the relationship Scorpio will let Aries have all his way, it will not be long before scorpios intentions to control the relationship will be revealed." I hate to admit it but it is kind of true. I will not pressure him about where we stand....for now, but he will be committed to me and he will love it.[evil grin}
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Just got back from my 3 week trip thanks for all of your responses. Before I left we were taking a walk on the beach and he was teasing me about deleting all the evidence of all the men from my pictures before I come home. I said me?? You are the one who is going to be online looking for dates the whole time. Then I told him that I wanted him to go out with as many women as possible while I was gone so that he would see that I was the only woman that he wanted to be with. He got in a really good mood after that and kept telling me he was going to miss me. I totally restrained myself from looking to see if he was online while I was gone until today. LOL!! I was surprised to see that he was not online. I don't think he has any desire to see anyone else, but I'm not stupid. I do feel like he is struggling with whether or not he wants to be in a serious relationship again since his divorce (3 years ago). His ex was very jealous and controlling and would not let him have any freedom at all. I feel like he totally tests me all the time to make sure I'm not going to be that way. While I was gone he was sick for a few days and he told me that his friend that lives in his building (a girl) brought him soup one day and they watched movies all day. He has talked about this girl in the past as being a friend of the family and she has a boyfriend, but I saw a picture of her and she is very pretty. I just told him I was so glad that he had someone to take care of him while he was sick. Yesterday I told him that I got invited to a wedding in Rome and he asked me when the date was because he was planning on traveling around Europe for a couple of months and that maybe he could meet me there. I know he can't get 2 months off from work so I don't know what the hell he is talking about. LOL. I really think he just tells me these things to see how I will react. I think he just needs to know that I am O.K. with his independence but doesn't really want it because he wants to be around me 24 hours a day. I was reading a compatability chart for Aries and Scorpio and it said that "Aries likes to take charge while Scorpio likes to be in control. Though in the beginning of the relationship Scorpio will let Aries have all his way, it will not be long before scorpios intentions to control the relationship will be revealed." I hate to admit it but it is kind of true. I will not pressure him about where we stand....for now, but he will be committed to me and he will love it.[evil grin}
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Just got back from my 3 week trip thanks for all of your responses. Before I left we were taking a walk on the beach and he was teasing me about deleting all the evidence of all the men from my pictures before I come home. I said me?? You are the one who is going to be online looking for dates the whole time. Then I told him that I wanted him to go out with as many women as possible while I was gone so that he would see that I was the only woman that he wanted to be with. He got in a really good mood after that and kept telling me he was going to miss me. I totally restrained myself from looking to see if he was online while I was gone until today. LOL!! I was surprised to see that he was not online. I don't think he has any desire to see anyone else, but I'm not stupid. I do feel like he is struggling with whether or not he wants to be in a serious relationship again since his divorce (3 years ago). His ex was very jealous and controlling and would not let him have any freedom at all. I feel like he totally tests me all the time to make sure I'm not going to be that way. While I was gone he was sick for a few days and he told me that his friend that lives in his building (a girl) brought him soup one day and they watched movies all day. He has talked about this girl in the past as being a friend of the family and she has a boyfriend, but I saw a picture of her and she is very pretty. I just told him I was so glad that he had someone to take care of him while he was sick. Yesterday I told him that I got invited to a wedding in Rome and he asked me when the date was because he was planning on traveling around Europe for a couple of months and that maybe he could meet me there. I know he can't get 2 months off from work so I don't know what the hell he is talking about. LOL. I really think he just tells me these things to see how I will react. I think he just needs to know that I am O.K. with his independence but doesn't really want it because he wants to be around me 24 hours a day. I was reading a compatability chart for Aries and Scorpio and it said that "Aries likes to take charge while Scorpio likes to be in control. Though in the beginning of the relationship Scorpio will let Aries have all his way, it will not be long before scorpios intentions to control the relationship will be revealed." I hate to admit it but it is kind of true. I will not pressure him about where we stand....for now, but he will be committed to me and he will love it.[evil grin}
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One word: Attention.
We crave it. I've been dating a guy that I'd met in the real world, but kept my profile up for ages. I enjoyed the attention it got, even if it was annoying at times...its entertainment. Nothing more, sounds like. Once I found that it wasn't worth the risk of him finding out somehow AND I was bored with the attention I turned it off. Mind you, I did not delete...just turned off. Nothing with BF is guaranteed at this point. And frankly, until I'm sure (he says those three little words to me), I won't delete it.
I think if he's texting alot, meeting family and friends, its headed in the right direction and you shouldn't fret. Like said above, don't be "that" girl. Aries hates doormats so don't be clingy, needy, and accepting of poor treatment. But it sounds like he's treating you well, just seeking entertainment when you're not together.
Try not being TOO available then come back eventually with something sweet to say. Works with me. smile
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And hell!!! Turn your profile back on!!!
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Posted by TSlove
but he will be committed to me and he will love it.[evil grin}


That's funny stuff.

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