Faith In Yourself

It is the beginning of April 2011, I have gotten over my ex somehow, I found a job opportunity that if it works out this month and if I actually get paid (even half) I will be back to a solid square one. A place to truly start again, in a good way.

I consider myself lucky in a lot of ways, I have a roof over my head thanks to an old friend, my ex is starting to pay me back and be responsible about our lease, and though each day I get up to get something accomplished I have faced massive setbacks and upsetting news. Seemed like just trying is a cause for disappointing news to follow. I get something done close to deadlines for lack of options, like I flew out on airplane without knowing if they will let me on with my computer, and had to go without a place to sleep a few nights this week.

Faith though. I am in my 30s and faith in myself is quite a different thing compared to when I was 18-20. I literally was overconfident to the point I probably believed I had superpowers and was invincible. I slept like 4 hours a day, had two jobs, was always on the go, and had the energy of two people. I was confident that even broke, I would find work no matter what, and I did.

Colored by 10 years of this economic depression, the Bush War Years, and corporate greed gone insane (as seen from my corporate jobs in NYC), I have felt completely knocked off solid ground by all my horrible bosses and having to push and push for anything to go my way.

So have heart Aries, our strength can diminish and be stomped on by the messy world. Our rash decisions and blunt words can put us in second-place, but if we stick to it, and keep refining ourselves, we can and do step out in the sun like a rebirth of sorts.

I am not overconfident and oblivious to the mess I face in my life, like I used to be in my teens. But I have gone through a lot of work on my faith in myself this past month, reading literature about how to get away from that voice in your head that criticizes and criticizes you, I have meditated past weeks with the help of SoulGardenTV and found a place to talk and commune here at DXP.

I still take wary steps, and will until I am two paychecks into my job, but I have faith in the day by day, that I can do the small steps, and I am more humble now, that I will get my satisfaction and happiness from these small steps forward, and that has made all the difference for me lately.

Have faith in yourself Aries, we have been downtrodden in the past years, we have looked at signs saying "now is our time" and it felt too tarnished and messy to find a place to start. The past 8 months or so have been an everyday test of balancing ourselves, between confidence, and going back to the drawing board. We definitely have been in the back seat and having to take cues from others before we found a chance to act.

People speak negatively about the future, and that really isn't our thing. It does affect our mood, it makes us second-guess the world and our place in this world. But it is okay to sit out a few rounds, and sulk, to work through the hurt we might be feeling, and recharge. It is okay to be out of the game for a while, because we eventually get our time to shine back. Even if a little bit by little bit.

I wish the best for the world, and it has been cold to me. I wish the best for my loved ones and it feels like my efforts go nowhere for them. Friends seem to show their bad sides more than I can stand at times. But I can make it on my own, and make it to a day that I know where I stand, and I know the new beginnings in my life will find me with friends and loved ones that I can count on and trust and love the way I want, open and free.

So my wishes for the world are in me, I wish the best for myself, so that I can help create a better world for all of us, and if I can't have faith in all of the world right now, I do have faith in myself and my fellow Aries.

Take care this birthday month, for we get a great chance to nurture ourselves and be ready for this year.

A great centering guided meditation I ran across the past week that I saved with keepvid.com:

The last 8 months have indeed been hard for me, also. But, as it seems to you, the world is feeling rather different the last little bit.

I look back over the last 8 months and I can hardly believe the changes I have undergone in that time frame. But, as you say, I still have me, I am feeling just fine right now. We have been patient for quite some time (for an Aries), and it is time to move forward again. Upward and Onward HG, Upward and Onward!!!!!

Great to hear dofacc! See you at the top 😄

yAy for doing better *happy dance on ur behalf* =]

Posted by Rafail
Sometimes when you have to get out of the water you need to hit the bottom so you can push up with your feet. 🙂
Rest as much as you can. Take this time for yourself. Change your hair style .
And don't forget to make some sport. Aries get depressed id they don't burn some fuel.
Anyway this meditation is not something consistent.

Indeed, and speaking of projecting, I must say that alongside analyzing different avenues of being more you, I found that when I made the criticizing voice something of an external one, meaning I started to think of that voice as someone saying that to me, it was so much easier to disagree with it and form a better and rational opinion. I can dispute anyone in this world but the unnatural protecting and nurturing this voice within me and not using it for good but against myself I was able to overcome the ideas presented and form a better viewpoint.

Good stuff.

"and I am more humble now"
this, i feel, has been the key to my success and can be the key to yours as well 🙂