Freebird needs some understanding of....

HUMAN BEHAVIOUR.

This Leo girlfriend of mine (we have been friends for many years.) *not my partner...just friends* anywho...it was her birthday last weekend and a bunch of us always meet up for coffee on the weekends. I called her Sunday morning and said, "gonna go for coffee?" she replies, "nah...don't really feel like it...I think I may do something with my daughter later." I said, "okay...you sure you don't want to come and have coffee?" "no, not sure why but I just for some reason don't feel like it." I say, "okie dokie, have a great day whatever you do today." NO, I did not wish her a Happy Birthday...no, I did not try to coax her into having coffee...that is like begging and I am allergic to begging - the way I see it, if someone wants to do something they will - if not, who am I to change their mind and why I would I want to make them do something that is not in their heart to begin with. I did not pick up the cake, I left her card at home, I did not get the balloons - but I showed up at coffee with our pals and find out that one of the guys called her and "begged" her to come and by golly she did!

The Aries heart was hurt- the thoughts of the mind - is this a TRUE friend?

She shows up - I give her a b-day hug and tell her....I was going to have a cake for you, balloons and I left your card at home because you said you were not coming - I will get your card to you later today. "Sure, that's fine." so we all sit around and talk, it was okay. Later that day I went by her home and she had already gone out to dinner with her kids and mom. I left the card in her mailbox.

I have not heard a word from her....nothing. Today, she calls me - "hi, I am at the coffee shop with bob and then I am going to work out....I was thinking that maybe we could all go to the lake later today and cook out?" I replied, "thanks for the invite but I already have plans however, I hope you and whoever goes has a great time."

Not sure if this is going to be helpful info. or not but in the past few weeks...when we meet for coffee, we meet at a certain time...the last time she was 1 hr. and 30 min. late......later that day we all decided to go to a movie and we told her what time to be ready....again, she was late causing us to not find a parking place, standing in line to get our tickets, entering the theatre with no lights on and no place to sit, missing the first part of the movie...was I pissed? oh hell ya!!!!!!!!!!!

She is a beautiful woman but is overweight and is in the process of finally loosing her weight *and I hope she sticks to this* she said to me not too long ago....."just wait, I am going to give you a run for your money!" I'm thinking...where did that come from?

I hope this made some sense to you.....my heart says that a true friend would not treat another "friend" this way.....I believe that I have already disengaged emotionally from this relationship.....my question is?

what is happening here?

Thanks for any possible insights you may see~

PS...in the past we would always drive to coffee together - she was constantly late..and I would wait and wait. I had enough of that and told her that I would meet her there. Lately, whenever we all make plans, I tell her what time to show up and I no longer offer to pick her up or ride with her and yes, she is still late. Infact, we all celebrated another Leo's b-day earlier in the week and she was very late for his b-day dinner....we all decided to go ahead and order and begin our meal. Me thinks she was not too happy with that but - we all are tired of her lateness and we no longer allow her to hold us up.

I do not think she dislikes you guys,but she maight be personal problems that she is not ready to revile yet, just give her some time and ask her if she is ok,she may open up soon. sometimes people distant them selves when they are experiancinig hard time.....hope this help

My fiery Lady Freebird?

Excuse my meddling ? Don?t you think that you might be a bit (sensitive) and a bit over (reacting?) about this issue..?

I mean people may react in strange ways and if we start to think about their behaviours, we might find out some things are not favourable, then we starting to be "suspicious" about "what is going on?", this is when conflicts starts..!

I have already lost a very, very dear friend just because of this stupid assumptions and suspicions "caused by emotional press from stupid circumstances and external forces" to make us imbalance in our relationship, even we both know about this, still damages is beyond repair?!

Hasty decisions will lead to great regret later..!

React= act? damn keyboard..
🙂




Good example of hasty decisions..

If you remember "Chich and Chong (things are though all over)" one of those "pissed off" Arab brothers, will give you a good insight about "boiled blood and anger"..Guess his name was habip?!

🙂

Isn't that an extremly frusturating situation that you cannot act totally like yourself for the wellness of the relationship, Freebird? I hate surpressing my needs in the name of that "normal". People think that the normal things are usually the things that you have to expect in the same way from every person. But normal standarts for every person are different. People don't see that. You actually want to go and speak with that person about thing that pissed you off. You already know that this is actually the best way to inform your friend about your needs and make him/her more aware about you. But you cant. Why? Because they are blunt. They accept other normals and judge you by that.

Honestly speaking, if person cannot handle "true you", I suggest leaving that person for your own good.

Is that bob person the guy she seeing or something?I wouldn't worry to much at this point shes probably been getting caught up with things.Work,kids,maybe gym(mentioned weight loss),etc.A leo I know came up with a scheme that works for the time thing though,start telling her earlier times for show up times she'll show up on time or closer to it.Evil plot yeah,but it does work.

"start telling her earlier times for show up times she'll show up on time or closer to it.Evil plot yeah,but it does work."

..hehehe, does work with my libra friends, too!!!

Hi Freebird.

Gosh, this story is like a page out of my own diary! I'll admit, sometimes when a friend of mine does something to break routine- then I feel a bit slighted and confused. Not to mention a friend who is always tardy works on my patience- but these are the things I have to go through when I relate to others.

Ask yourself, "What's the alternative.. not be her friend?"

As for this comment ...."just wait, I am going to give you a run for your money!" .. it could have meant that she's always admired your figure and now that she's losing weight she feels that she will become as attractive as she thinks you ARE (it's a compliment!).

In short, if you think she's a great person, then is this all such a big deal? The tardiness is annoying, but is it because she's disorganized- or is it blatant disregard for you and others?

Overall, from what you've written here, seems like you still have a good friend (afterall, she invited you out when she had male company). I wouldn't worry about the small stuff.

Yeah. Forgetting about the reality and going for fun is always a solution. Dang!!

....

That's not what I was saying, haffo..

My idea is.. people are different. We all have to work around different personalities to get along- if we truly want relate on a daily basis

-- otherwise you end up a relationship that cannot survive past 3 days...

If two friends already know that whatever they say to each other is solely made for wellness of both of them (a criticise from friend for good)(btw there is such part of communication too, I'm sad to know that you dont know it) there cant be any unsolvable problem between them. Of course the solution is made on logical basis. Silence is just a sign of an immaturity.

At any rate.. essentially I posted what I wanted to say. Up to freebird or anyone else to take from it what they want.

" -- otherwise you end up a relationship that cannot survive past 3 days..."

Are you messing with me?

STD...

GOOOOOOOOD ONE! ROFL...I mean totally!

Sorry FreeBird about your friend, but I must say that sometimes friends piss you off to no ends...I am especially anal about those late people...but like STD said, you must examine the motives behind all of this.

I had to cut off my Virgo best friend for 4 months b/c I knew she began to take our friendship for granted, but in that time I was able to examine what was really important in the relationship which led me to conclude she wasn't as bad as I thought. WHat I am saying is it might do you good to take a break from her and examine your friendship from a distance. It might put things into perspective either way.

Good Luck!
Cancerlady

Hi
I do hate being stood up. But I wouldn't break up a friendship for that reason. What I do is just tell the friend that I will wait for her/him for so and so time and then i have to be at so and so place at such a tme. " so buddy incase you wanna join me I will be here upto so and so time and there at so and so time..." so on and so forth. end of the dilemma for me and plus the late comer types knwo that i dont have enough spare time to wait. One thing i never let my firends know that i have any spare time. but i alwyas give the indication that i will "make" time for them if need arise. LOL LOL> Wish I could maintian the same discipline at net. I am trying though. LOL.

Thanks everyone for the time that you have taken to give me your honest and upfront thoughts..you all are very much appreciated 🙂

I believe what I am truly struggling with at this time is the value of our friendship. I do not feel that she values me as a person and has therefore begun to take our friendship for granted. Doesn't feel too good from this POV.

Being late....she justifies this as "it is just the way I am." That is fine, she can be who she wants and do what she wants but......here is my point as far as frienships/relationships go - quite awhile back I voiced my thoughts on her always being late and how it is effecting everyone else involved and could she please try to work on that - if everyone else can get it together so can she (IF SHE CARES TO). She does not have to work on this if she chooses not to but, we may not be around too long as we all are very tired of her antics. (people will treat you the way you allow them to). This really is not acceptable behaviour to me but is more like a control behavoiur on her part - or an "attention" getter for her.

The coffee invite - well, her and I call in the morning and go for coffee - she didn't call that morning but instead went ahead and didn't phone anyone else either in our group. She did however make a point later to call me to let me know that she was at coffee with bob (no, she is not seeing him and did not invite me to join them). She wanted to let me know that she had gone. And the point of that was——??

She has never acknowledge the card or gift that I had given her for her b-day. She has however acknowledged in the past - most good friends do this, they say thanks for what they have received.

If there has been a problem between us...it has always been me who brings it up and say let's talk about this. In this friendship, it has been me who has initiated the phone calls, made the plans such and such. I suppose that I soon began to feel that this was a one way friendship - yes, I have expressed these feelings to her. I'm thinking that a friend who REALLY cares would honor and want to help make this friendship better.

After our birthday dinner for our friend (where she was late as well) I was stopped by a male friend who I have not seen for 3 yrs. from a previous place of employment - I chatted with him for about 5 min. and said that I needed to go that my friends were waiting outside. When I got out there...she had left saying she did not feel like waiting for me. Allllll righty then!

I honestly do not have the energy for this friendship - I have overlooked so much and given of myself too long that I am not feeling too good about this. A wonderful friendship uplifts, supports, is fun, trusting, etc.....ya just know when it "feels" right and when it "feels" wrong.

Yes, I have expressed my needs to her many times....they are not being met. Why continue? I see no reason. I am grateful for the times that we have shared, learned, laughed, created and cried but something has changed...and maybe it is to be this way for right now. It is what it is. I do know that I prefer to be in places and with people that I feel good around for that is what creates a beautiful life for me.

Thanks again all of you for sharing

Freebird:

I know exactly where you are coming from. Those actual needs are making me agressive towards people. I can't say that I always able to do it, but when I do, I really feel like in my own dish. This is who I am. And apparently you too.

"Yes, I have expressed my needs to her many times....they are not being met. Why continue? I see no reason. I am grateful for the times that we have shared, learned, laughed, created and cried but something has changed...and maybe it is to be this way for right now. It is what it is. I do know that I prefer to be in places and with people that I feel good around for that is what creates a beautiful life for me."

Bingo!

They said....

Once upon a time Plato and his students were walking on their way somewhere when suddenly met and arrogant, stupid being?.

That being starts to prise the Plato that he is such an understandable and great man?!

When all was over and they got their own way?! Plato starts to cry in grave sadness?

One of his students asked him? master why you crying..??
Because of that idiot and his saying.. he answered in great grief
But he said big words and prised you master, the student said.


Yeah I know he said?!

I don?t know what the hell I did before that pleased that stupid person whom prised and acknowledged me today!

Qbone, are you targeting me with this story??

Haffo..

You doubt...??

BTW... don't make yourself BIG... ok..??
You are not worth the sh** let alone thinking about your BS..!

Have a nice day..!!

Q...

You lost me on this one...then again, I was never one for philosophy much

ahhh... you are awake lady

How is the belly feelings lady..??

Something telling me that your babies will arrive as (big fish)....

🙂

Hopefully they will be big WaterBearers...I think with two it will be better to have the independence of the Aqua's rather than the super-needy fish. Although as long as they are healty...I am HAPPY!

I am starting to show a bit, kinda like a SEVERE beer belly! If you want to see the ultrasound, go to the cancer board.

How are you anyway? You don't seem to be around as much...getting ready for your trip?

Yeah lady?

Packing — and getting things around..🙂

You take care of those beauties.. ok..??

Of course Q!

Have a great trip and always strive to change the world!

Changing world lady..??

I'll be damn lucky if I can change myself..


But thank you?.. You are lovely.. takecare?